Our Married Couple's Thirty-Year Cuckolding Journey, Part Nine: Reply 1988 (Part 3)

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For me, 1988 was a year of turmoil, setbacks, and significant changes, and that summer brought me nothing but inner pain and torment.
For the entire summer after I returned home that day, I couldn't contact Mei again. At that time, no one in our small county town in Northeast China used pagers, let alone mobile phones. Even families with landlines were very rare. Of course, my family did.
Mei left the county town, leaving me only a letter through our roommate, the music teacher. It said she was going to visit a high school classmate in Beijing to clear her head, and we would meet again when she returned for the new semester. To be honest, I really didn't know what had happened to Mei. The music teacher's expression told me she knew some things, but not everything. Because of our past, which I was ashamed to mention, I didn't want to talk to her much, especially not about Mei.
When I visited Mei's parents, although they still treated me warmly, I could tell from their worried faces that things weren't so simple. However, I didn't want the elderly to worry, so I didn't ask any further questions.
My parents asked me about Mei, and I told them she had gone to the provincial capital for further training, changing the subject. All the doubts, longing, pressure, and pain surrounding Mei were borne by me alone.
Late at night, I would take out photos of Mei and me, looking at the gentle, beautiful girl in the pictures, panting, masturbating on my small bed, ejaculating again and again, almost five or six times every night for over a month. This made my already poor sexual ability even worse. You could say it was close to impotence and premature ejaculation. First, getting an erection was difficult; even when I did manage to get one, after a few dozen strokes, I would ejaculate, and not just ejaculate, but rather it would flow out. I was going crazy, both physically and mentally.
But then, my house was ready, near Mei's school, in a row of five single-story houses. The house had two bedrooms, east and west, and a kitchen at the entrance, about 350 square meters in total; a small courtyard of about 20 square meters. This was very rare in the county town at that time.
During this break from work, I spent my time painting and cleaning a house with two of my best friends from junior high. The weather was incredibly hot, and the three of us were all wearing tank tops, super-short denim shorts, and hats folded from newspapers, working feverishly.
Perhaps because of my poor sexual performance, I paid particular attention to the bodies of the men around me. One of my friends, named Qiangzi, was over 1.8 meters tall, with a muscular build. After graduating from junior high, he worked for several years at a paper mill in the county before starting to drive a tricycle (a type of taxi in county towns in the 1980s). We were working in shorts, and his thighs were covered in dark hair that extended into his shorts. Several times, I peeked through the gaps in Qiangzi's shorts and saw a huge penis and a large scrotum; the outlines of his two large testicles were clearly visible inside his scrotum. This sight actually gave me an erection; my penis suddenly became incredibly hard. I knew perfectly well that I wasn't gay, yet I fantasized about kneeling at Qiangzi's feet, touching his penis, and begging him to ravage my Mei, my beloved girl, my future wife, with that huge thing. This urge was so intense that several times, after greeting them, I would rush to the public toilet in the alley to masturbate, then return to continue working and chatting with them. It was at this moment that I suddenly became acutely aware of my intense cuckoldry and succubus mentality, though I didn't know the term at the time, only that I was certain I was a perverted man. Suddenly, I stopped worrying about the shadow my sexual ability cast on my marriage. I began to miss Mei even more, longing for her return. I loved her, I wanted to marry her, and I knew how to make her satisfied and happy.

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