My experience and emotional journey into the industry

page views:2 Publication date:2021-05-29

Having been in this circle for over three years, I've been involved in several couples and some emotional entanglements. From initial curiosity and immersion in it, I gradually developed strange feelings for certain people, which led to inner turmoil and eventually made me tired of the game.
I met this guy in December 2017, which began a period of time I don't fully understand, including both sexual and romantic experiences. We got along very well, and then I added his wife on WeChat. My daily routine consisted of just greeting him, but I gradually started bringing up these kinds of topics, and each time she deleted or blocked me. He then added me back, and slowly began sending me sexually suggestive pictures, explaining his motives. However, I never received a response. I started trying to talk to his wife, explaining that he wanted to find her a younger man to spice up their sex life. This cycle of being blocked and added back continued for over a week. During this time, he video-chatted with me, so I guess his wife saw me, but I never saw what she looked like. What impressed me most was a video that said "I love you, but everyone expresses it differently." The video told the story of an old woman who saw a young man on TV saying "I love you" to a girl. She turned to her husband and said, "You've never said that to me." Then, on TV, the old man appeared and said, "I've never expressed my love for you like this before. Today, I'm saying it right here." The old woman was moved to tears. I sent the video to my sister-in-law, along with a message: Everyone expresses love differently. Isn't my brother's way of expressing love to my sister-in-law also an expression of his love? If he didn't love you, he could easily find another woman; that's something he would never do! If he didn't love you, he could control his lust and neglect you; that's something he would never do! If he didn't love you, he could easily bring someone to your house without asking your opinion; that's something he would never do! Everything my brother is doing now is out of love for you. He hopes not only that your careers will be successful, but also that your life, especially your sex life, can be revitalized, allowing you to enjoy this hard-won happiness. That evening, my brother told me that my sister-in-law came home in a good mood, cooked dinner herself, and was smiling the whole time. That evening, my older brother invited me to a video call. He greeted me first, then asked me to talk to my sister-in-law. It was the first time I'd seen her. What surprised me most was that I then saw her breasts—small, just the right size to hold in one hand. My brother kissed her nipples, and I heard her moan. Then he reached down to her genitals. Her moans grew louder, and he couldn't resist penetrating her. Of course, I couldn't see their genitals; I could only see him thrusting vigorously through the video. After a while, the scene changed; my brother was lying down, and my sister-in-law was riding him. I took out my penis and started masturbating. My brother made my sister-in-law watch me masturbate. Because the signal wasn't very good, the video call only lasted about ten minutes. I then recorded a video of myself masturbating and sent it to my sister-in-law, thinking she must have seen it. I waited anxiously. After a while, my brother texted saying my sister-in-law was very excited and enjoyed it. Three days passed like this. My brother had been drinking that night, and at 10 pm, he asked if I wanted to come to his house. I don't know why, but I immediately agreed, especially since his mother was home. My older brother video-called me and asked me to tell my sister-in-law that I was going to visit her that night. I overheard her saying he was acting drunk and disorderly. I confirmed with him again that I could come, and immediately drove to their house. To be honest, I hesitated and felt scared on the way, but I still arrived at their apartment complex and followed my brother's directions to their door. My brother secretly opened the door for me, and we slipped into the bedroom in the dark. My sister-in-law was already asleep. I took off my clothes and went to the bed. My brother kissed my sister-in-law, woke her up, and told her I was there. He asked me to kiss her, knowing beforehand that she had sensitive ears, but she wouldn't let me touch her. I could only wait and watch as my brother teased her. He soon made her moan. He gestured for me to take off her pajamas and underwear. She grabbed her underwear, and he pulled her close, holding her hand, and with great effort, finally managed to remove it. Then my older brother and sister-in-law had sex. I lay next to them and tried to touch her, but she wouldn't let me. She grabbed my hand and wouldn't let me move. After a while, my brother signaled for me to go first. I got ready, but my sister-in-law squeezed her legs tightly together, making it impossible for me to penetrate. My brother helped by holding one leg, and I spread the other leg open, finally managing to insert. I thrust a few times, and my sister-in-law stopped resisting. I did it for a while in the traditional missionary position. My brother got excited again. This time, he lay down, and my sister-in-law was on top, riding me. It excited me too. I grabbed my sister-in-law's breasts from behind and kissed her neck and earlobes. After a while, my brother couldn't hold back anymore and ejaculated into my sister-in-law. Then he carefully wiped her clean. I did it with my sister-in-law for a while longer, but she said she didn't want to anymore. It was our first time, and I didn't know if she really couldn't take it, so we stopped. My brother and I lay on either side of my sister-in-law, and he told me to hold her and sleep. I held my sister-in-law face-to-face, placing my right arm under her head, and we fell asleep. She never opened her eyes. I woke up in the middle of the night, stroked her, and wet her. She turned and hugged my brother's neck, then I lay on my side and penetrated her from behind. I left early the next morning. As I drove out of the neighborhood, my brother also walked out alone; he went for a walk. That was my first meeting with them. My brother mentioned that they had a single man before me, but at the time I thought I might be the first, because my brother had been drinking that night and said that to prevent my sister-in-law from backing out, I had to go immediately. My brother's mother was home, which is why my sister-in-law resisted but didn't dare to make a loud noise. Our second meeting confirmed my suspicions. Later, my brother also mentioned that he had tried to find a college student, but it didn't work out, and he almost never succeeded. After it was over, my brother didn't chat with me, and I didn't know if they were satisfied with me. Finally, my brother replied, sending me a video of my sister-in-law drinking milk tea. He said she didn't say anything, as if nothing had happened, which was considered an admission. The first time I met my sister-in-law, she gave me the impression of an intellectual woman, dignified yet aloof. The second meeting was a few days later, maybe four or five days, because I remember the first meeting was on Christmas Day, a Monday, and the second meeting must have been on a weekend when they were both off. The second meeting was similar, but the only thing I vividly remember is my sister-in-law's reaction when I entered the bedroom. This time, only the child was in the next room, and she cried, cried very sadly. Perhaps my brother had told her it was just a "try it out," but she hadn't expected me to come back. My brother comforted her for a long time, saying that doing this was to let her enjoy herself, that he truly loved her, and that he would love her even more in the future. He also said not to wake the child, and slowly my sister-in-law stopped crying. My brother started teasing her, and I moved closer. I licked her genitals; she liked being licked, and later I heard my brother say that she praised my licking, saying that he hadn't licked as well as I had in all these years. My brother even video-called her and asked me how I licked her, saying I should learn. Actually, I had never licked a woman before. That time was another night of passion, and my sister-in-law kept her eyes closed the whole time. Actually, I didn't ejaculate either of those two times. Maybe it's because I masturbate a lot, so it's not easy for me to ejaculate. Also, my sister-in-law's needs weren't that great; she would ask to stop after a while. The real thing was when we met for the third time, on her birthday. This time, she opened her eyes and looked at me, and even started talking to me, which I guess meant she accepted me. This meeting was quite complicated, and perhaps it was this complicated process that moved her. Around that time, Shandong was experiencing heavy snow. That day, I bought flowers early. It's usually only an hour and a half drive to my brother's house, but I set off three or four hours early. The highways were closed due to the heavy snow. On the way, my brother asked about the situation and advised me not to go, saying the roads were bad. I insisted on going anyway, taking a provincial highway, but the traffic was terrible. I took a side road, but then there was a sharp turn. I braked slightly, and the car spun 180 degrees. I got out to check and almost drove into a ditch. There were mountains on both sides, and not a single car on the road. To be honest, I was a little scared. I drove for over three hours to my brother's apartment complex. After waiting for a while until the child fell asleep, I went inside. I gave the flowers to my sister-in-law, but she didn't touch them, so I put them aside. My brother told her I'd come to celebrate her birthday. We lay together, and my brother asked about the journey. I told him the truth. My sister-in-law listened quietly without saying a word. My brother said, "I told you the road was bad, you shouldn't have come." I replied, "It's my duty to celebrate your birthday." We didn't have sex this time because my brother had told me she was on her period, so it wouldn't have been possible. The three of us just lay there, two chatting, and one quietly with her eyes closed, I couldn't tell if she was asleep or listening. But this time, my sister-in-law opened her eyes and looked at me. She hadn't even glanced at the flowers I gave her, but the next day, my brother took a picture of her carefully arranging the flowers in a vase. Later, when I went back, I saw the flowers had remained in the vase until they withered. The three of us were lying in bed. My sister-in-law farted and deliberately fanned the blankets, secretly laughing to herself. My brother asked what was wrong, and I said she farted, and she laughed. That kind of atmosphere is truly memorable. Later, there were many similar moments. For example, my sister-in-law always liked to pinch my brother's testicles, and he would say it wasn't fair, that she didn't pinch mine. So she started pinching my testicles too. That feeling was a bit tingly, a little uncomfortable but not unbearably painful. I also remember one time, my brother and I were examining my sister-in-law's vulva after her period had ended. Two lewd men spread it open for a close look, and then I heard a "pfft." My sister-in-law and I laughed, but my brother didn't notice anything. Because his face was facing...It was funny because of her anus. This time, we could say our happy times began. I remember it was early 2018. My older brother gave me my sister-in-law's work address and phone number, asking me to pick her up from get off work. I waited for her outside, keeping an eye on the bus stop since my brother wasn't picking her up. I sent her a WeChat message beforehand, telling her I was waiting there. But after waiting for ages, she didn't show up. She secretly got into a colleague's car and left to pick up her child from tutoring. Since my brother was already waiting, I asked for the address and rushed over. She had gone to eat somewhere. My brother and I found her; it was the first time I'd seen her during the day, and her mature, intellectual aura was even more pronounced. When we went inside, she saw me and asked if I'd eaten. I hadn't, but we ordered something to eat together. After we finished eating, my brother went to get his car. I parked somewhere, and my sister-in-law and I got into his car. Inside, it was just my brother and me chatting while my sister-in-law was looking at her phone. My brother went upstairs to pick up the kids and asked me to go out with my sister-in-law alone, saying I could stay out all night. I asked her if she wanted to go out with me, but she refused. After the kids came down, I got out of the car. After they went home, I wandered around aimlessly for two or three hours before going to their house. Another night of activities followed. I left home around 5 a.m. My brother asked if I was going to work that day, and I said no. He told me to come back later because the kids were going to their tutoring class. After the kids left, my brother left the door open for me, and I went in. My sister-in-law wasn't up yet; she's a heavy sleeper and has always been rather frail—the kind of person you feel sorry for. I kept thinking how lucky my sister-in-law was to have met my brother. He treats her like a princess. Of course, she loves him deeply too; otherwise, she wouldn't have agreed to go out with him. And every time we're together, she likes to hug him. Meeting them is my good fortune. My family is quite patriarchal, and I've never experienced this kind of affection before. I envy my brother and sister-in-law's love, which is probably why I can't forget them. After that, I would clean up after my sister-in-law every time we finished making love. She just needed to lie there and wait. My brother would pour her water and adjust the temperature. But I digress. Back to that time, I went into the bedroom, hugged my sister-in-law, and asked if she heard the door open. She said she did. I asked if she wasn't afraid of bad people coming in, and she said she knew it was someone from the family, otherwise they wouldn't have come. I took off my clothes and got into bed, hugging my naked sister-in-law, and asked if she wanted to do it again. She didn't answer. Actually, every time my sister-in-law didn't answer, it meant she agreed, because she would say no when she didn't want it anymore. I started kissing her. Before, when I kissed her lips, she almost never responded, but this time she passionately French kissed me, and then we started making love. She even used her favorite position, the lotus position, like she was paddling herself. After we finished, we hugged each other. A while later, my brother came back after dropping off the kids. He saw us and couldn't resist making love to my sister-in-law. Then he adjusted the bath water temperature, and my sister-in-law went to take a bath. Then I discussed with my older brother where to eat. He had made noodles for my sister-in-law and me that morning, and saved two bowls, but we didn't eat them. After we agreed, my sister-in-law finished washing up, and I drove her to a restaurant first, while my brother went to pick up the child. Originally, my brother wanted me to eat with my sister-in-law while he picked up the child and ate with him nearby. My sister-in-law said she wanted to come along. I had met the child the day before, but she didn't recognize me. At noon, my brother, sister-in-law, and the child ate together. After lunch, my brother took the child to class, and I drove my sister-in-law home. We chatted a lot on the way, including why they didn't want a second child. My sister-in-law went upstairs, and I asked if I could come in for a while. She said it was up to me, haha, so of course I parked the car and went upstairs. After knocking, she opened the door for me. She went to the bathroom to clean the toilet, and I helped her. Then she did the laundry, and I helped carry the basins. I said I was a little sleepy, and my sister-in-law told me to rest for a while. It was a rare treat to be alone with her, how could I bear to rest? After she finished her work, she lay on the sofa and chatted with me. A little while later, she put her feet up against the wall, acting as playful as a young girl. Then I groped her breasts. My sister-in-law said someone saw, but I said I was lying on the sofa right under the window, who could see? I said I could carry her to the bed, but she said I couldn't. I asked her how much she weighed, and she said over 100 pounds, adding that anyone under 100 pounds is either short or flat-chested, which made me laugh. I picked her up, and she wrapped her arms around my neck, and we went to the bedroom. I put her on the bed, immediately drew the curtains, pulled her pants down to her knees, took off my own pants, let her touch me for a while, and then went in. After a while, she asked if I was done. Since we had done it the night before and that morning, it wasn't easy for me to ejaculate, so I stopped. My sister-in-law immediately put her pants back on, ran to the sofa, lay down, closed her eyes, and rested. I sat next to her, my arm around her head. I asked my sister-in-law if my sex drive was too high, and she said it was normal for someone my age. Just then, my brother texted me to ask if I'd left yet, and I said I'd leave in a bit. He told me to leave early so my sister-in-law could rest, as the kids would be getting out of school soon. I sat for a while longer, then got up and kissed my sister-in-law on the lips. She responded passionately, and I told her I had to go. She said okay. I left reluctantly. My sister-in-law remained lying there resting and didn't get up to see me off. I closed the door and left. This was the only time I was alone with my sister-in-law. She never replied to my WeChat messages, but unlike before, she didn't block me. I forget exactly when, but I couldn't contact my brother for a month. Finally, he texted me, saying he had a bad cold and sent me a picture of himself getting an IV drip. I was at work, and I told him I'd visit him after get off work. I don't know why I was so decisive then. Looking back now, perhaps the seeds of our feelings had already sprouted. This meeting influenced me later, and it still does to this day. After work, I drove to find my older brother. He and his wife were waiting for their child to finish school. I bought some fruit and nutritional supplements on the way. I only had ten minutes left before the child's school ended. Since I had been to that place before, I found it easily. My brother was waiting for me at the door. I parked the car, and he got in. He said he couldn't let me come for nothing. Then he touched my penis. He gave me oral sex for the first time. It only lasted five minutes, but those five minutes completely moved me. So much so that later I gave him oral sex too. It was also the first time I had ever touched and sucked a penis among the couples I had met. My brother wanted me to ejaculate in his mouth, but I couldn't. And when I looked up, I saw a security camera, which made me even more nervous. A little while later, his wife came down from picking up their child and called to ask where my brother was. He got out of the car, put the things in his car, and left. I sat in my car for half an hour, stunned, before driving home. In March and April, we met frequently. I remember one month we even met three times. During the May Day holiday, my sister-in-law went on a business trip, leaving only my older brother at home. He had gone back to his hometown, and I suddenly felt a strong urge to go. We made plans, and he immediately went home. This time, it turned out to be to have sex with my brother's ass. Perhaps this incident foreshadowed all the entanglements that followed, because after this, many strange feelings arose deep within me. We agreed to meet at noon, and I drove to my brother's house. He was home alone, but his mother would be arriving soon, so we chatted. When his mother arrived, my brother introduced me as a friend. It was my first time meeting his mother, and she asked me all sorts of questions, like whether I was married and where I was from. After his mother left, I sat on the sofa, and my brother came over and touched me until I got hard. Then, he accompanied me to the bathroom to wash his penis before we went to the bedroom. During this time, my brother gave himself to me, saying he had given me both his sister-in-law and himself. He wanted me to ejaculate inside him, but because I had masturbated the day before, I couldn't ejaculate. After this intimate encounter, we had more contact afterward, and my psychology slowly began to change. After May Day, my sister-in-law's mother moved into our house, which made things inconvenient. Finally, after more than 40 days, on a Saturday when her relatives weren't home, things became easier – the first time we'd gone so long. Of course, we saw each other less and less afterward. Perhaps it wasn't just that my sister-in-law's mother had moved in; another single man had also appeared, which I only found out about later. Since this single man could go, why didn't he let me go? The honeymoon phase must have ended. But my brother told me that my sister-in-law had a cold and was coughing badly, so we couldn't do anything if I went. So I agreed not to meet. Around 9 pm, after dinner, I suddenly really wanted to see my brother and sister-in-law. I texted my brother to tell him I wanted to go. We chatted for a bit, and my brother agreed to let me go, but said we couldn't do anything if my sister-in-law wasn't feeling well. I was happy and immediately drove to my brother's house. I arrived at 11 pm. I waited in the car for a while before going to my brother's house. It was a familiar place; my sister-in-law was lying on the bed in the bedroom. The only difference was that this time she wasn't asleep. I went into the bedroom, immediately took off my clothes, and lay down next to my sister-in-law. My sister-in-law had been coughing and seemed to be in a lot of pain. Normally she would have been asleep by now, but this time she was genuinely coughing and couldn't sleep. So, my brother and I lay naked on the bed playing on our phones, occasionally patting her back when her cough got worse. Time dragged on, but finally, she felt a little better and the coughing stopped. She was lying at the foot of the bed with her head down, her feet near my head. I started massaging her calves, occasionally touching her buttocks, but she didn't move. I grew bolder and told my brother and sister-in-law that I hadn't licked her breasts in a long time and wanted to. My brother chuckled, but my sister-in-law didn't say anything. In this situation, it was impossible for me to stay silent.Lying on her side, I slowly pulled down my sister-in-law's panties, little by little. She didn't move. My older brother came over to help me, and I slightly lifted her buttocks. He removed the panties. Without saying a word, I started licking her clitoris, her most sensitive spot. I began licking carefully, even inserting my tongue into her vagina. Her vagina became increasingly wet. I tried inserting my fingers, but she always used to pull them away. This time, she didn't move. I teased her with my fingers, which became very wet. I showed them to my older brother, who lay there laughing. Afraid of getting my fingers wet on the sheets, I asked him for some tissues to wipe them clean. My sister-in-law ran to my brother's side, hugged him, and turned her genitals towards me. Hehe, of course, I couldn't let that opportunity pass. I continued licking, and after a while, I started sucking on her breasts, making her nipples hard. I wanted to kiss her, but she refused, so I kissed her neck instead. While kissing, I rubbed my penis against my sister-in-law's vaginal opening. My brother deliberately asked if I had penetrated her, saying she was uncomfortable and couldn't be penetrated, and even took my penis to check if it was in. I said I hadn't penetrated, just rubbing. My sister-in-law didn't say a word, just hugged my brother's neck, so I continued rubbing. Of course, rubbing without penetration was impossible! I inserted it into the vagina I had longed for, slowly moving in and out, deeply penetrating. After dozens of thrusts, my brother said again, "Stop, sister-in-law is uncomfortable." I withdrew and lay down next to my sister-in-law, my head touching hers. After a few minutes, we lay face to face, my penis still hard, constantly thrusting in and out, touching my sister-in-law's vaginal opening. My brother finally couldn't resist and inserted his penis into my sister-in-law's buttocks, seemingly into her anus. My sister-in-law resisted and hit my brother, so my brother started attacking her vagina again. It seemed the position was uncomfortable, and after dozens of thrusts, my brother gave up. I held my sister-in-law's waist with both hands, letting her straddle me. She lifted herself slightly to insert my penis into her vagina. I told her I wanted both penises inside her at the same time, so my brother-in-law entered her from behind. The moment my brother-in-law entered, all three of us made a sound. I could clearly feel my brother-in-law's penis squeezing tightly inside, and my sister-in-law felt swollen and said it hurt. My brother-in-law thrust in and out a few times from behind, while I kept penetrating her, and so both penises went in and out several times. My brother-in-law said it wasn't comfortable from behind and asked me to go to his back while he lay down, letting my sister-in-law straddle him. But she still didn't get off me and started rocking back and forth like a rower. I also started to thrust upwards. My sister-in-law and I continued like this for a while. Then I sat up, and my sister-in-law wrapped her arms around my neck, and we started a seated sex position. My sister-in-law was very proactive, moving back and forth like a female warrior. After a while, my sister-in-law said she didn't want to continue, and released her arms from my neck, lying down on the blanket, our genitals still pressed tightly together. I slowly pulled out, and my brother quickly took over, starting the traditional thrusting position. My sister-in-law said she needed to urinate, and my brother and I encouraged her to. With my brother's vigorous thrusting, she squirted a little, and he couldn't hold back any longer and ejaculated inside her. Later, he said his pubic hair was wet. He took some tissues to clean her genitals, and I took the tissues and threw them in the trash can. When I touched the tissues, I felt semen. After cleaning up, it was almost 2 a.m., and we were both exhausted, so we went to sleep together. Around 5 a.m., we woke up one after the other. Because my sister-in-law's cold hadn't gotten better and she was still coughing, we didn't do anything. We just lay there chatting for a while. Since the children were at home, I left around 5:15 a.m. This time, I didn't have any contact with my brother. July arrived in the blink of an eye, and the intervals between our meetings became longer and longer. I sensed that my brother was starting to control the frequency of our meetings, and I suspected someone else was involved. During one of our July meetings, he chatted with me, wanting me to come over. He said he and his wife had argued over some family matters, and on the way, he sent me a WeChat message from his wife. She was calling his name, warning me to be careful if I messed around with them again. I asked him who they were referring to, and he said their QQ friends! Later, I learned the truth from a 69-circle (a social media platform), that a new single man had appeared around this time, and this continued until about the second half of 2019. He had even introduced me to a single college student. At that point, a seed of affection had been planted in my heart, and it exploded a few months later! I texted my wife, saying my brother had angered her, and I would go spank him to vent my anger for her. Since it was past 2 PM, my brother told me his wife didn't want me to go. But I still went to their neighborhood. I waited until after 9 PM. This time, I went into my brother's house earlier than usual, around 10 PM. While my sister-in-law was taking a shower, I went into the bedroom. I found her underwear that had been worn, with marks in the middle. I thought my sister-in-law had picked it up, but my brother immediately told me to put it down, saying it was for the baby. I put it down immediately. After this, my brother told me that the baby was older and I needed to be more careful. I believed him completely and tried to limit how often I visited them. However, the fact that the baby was older didn't stop others from coming in. As soon as my sister-in-law came into the bedroom, she saw me and asked, "Why are you here?" I stupidly replied, "I don't know why I'm here either," haha. My sister-in-law dried herself off, lay on the bed, checked my brother's phone, perhaps looking at our chat history, and secretly smiled. Another night, I slept in the same bed with my brother and sister-in-law, enjoying the time with the three of us. The next day, I asked my brother about what my sister-in-law had said: "If you mess around with them again, be careful." Who were they? I was definitely one of them. My brother said they were QQ friends. At that time, I wasn't that emotionally involved, so I let it go. I finally learned the truth recently. A single man really did appear, probably around June. I heard he was very handsome, with a large penis, and they'd been meeting frequently for about a year. Later, this man introduced her to a college student, but I'll tell you about that later. After meeting in July, for almost two months, my brother stopped replying to my messages. At the time, I didn't know what was happening and was very anxious. Perhaps those two months were their honeymoon period with the new single man. After that, we met again in mid-September, using the same routine. I went to my brother's house around 11 pm. This time, it was a new beginning. Before we did anything, I kissed my sister-in-law on the lips. She used to always avoid me, but this time my brother kissed her lips, and she responded. Then I kissed her, and my brother and I took turns kissing her lips. If it were now, I'd dare to kiss both my brother and sister-in-law on the lips at the same time, making the three of us one. After I finished with my sister-in-law, she was very sleepy. I didn't know if she was really asleep or just drifting off. My brother, using the excuse that I shouldn't bother her anymore, slept in the middle, with my sister-in-law and me on either side of him. His buttocks were facing me, and my sister-in-law was hugging him. I would touch my sister-in-law's hand, then use her hand to touch my brother's penis, and then use her hand to touch mine. My brother then turned around and started masturbating me. Since I hadn't ejaculated, it was very hard. He guided my penis to his anus with his hand, and I slowly pushed it in little by little. When it went in, my brother's mouth was open, and he looked like he was in pain. Suddenly, my sister-in-law's hand touched my brother's buttocks, and he quickly pushed me away. So, in front of my sister-in-law and behind her back, I had sex with my dear brother. I don't know if my sister-in-law knows about this. I also asked my brother if my sister-in-law knew, and he only said she probably didn't. It was October, during the National Day holiday. This time, I contacted my brother. My sister-in-law had gone out with the child, and only my brother was home. Yes, I went again. Then, my older brother lay in the middle. That was a moment I'll never forget! It was the first time I'd ever sucked his penis. Although it felt forced, deep down I'd thought about it. I wanted to make him feel good, to satisfy him. I asked him if he'd take responsibility if I became gay. He said yes, so I told him I'd come back to him if I did. I embarked on a path because I wanted to be grateful to my older brother. In my heart, I considered him and her the only people I could rely on and trust besides my parents and sister. This was also the beginning of all the entanglements that followed, the beginning of my torment, the feeling of gain and loss that came from it. This time, I lay on my back on the bed, and he sucked my penis in a 69 position. He held my head down and shoved his penis into my mouth. I gave him oral sex, but I was very clumsy, perhaps because of the strong psychological stimulation. He said I didn't know how deep I should go, and that I always thrust too hard, which hurt him. This time, he had me lie on my back while he did the lotus position, slowly inserting himself. He was in control. This time, he even used lubricant, something I think I bought for my sister-in-law before—it included a vibrator, stockings, and sexy underwear, but she didn't like it. My brother and I had a lot of trouble getting her to wear the stockings and underwear, and she only wore them that one time. This time, my brother and I tried many positions. He lay on top of me while I penetrated him, and he stood by the bed while I entered him from behind. While I was entering him from behind, he actually called me "wife." I told him it was my turn to fuck him now and that he should call me "husband," and he actually did. He also lay on his back on the bed with his head hanging off the edge, his mouth and throat at the same level, so I could penetrate him deep into his throat. He wanted to penetrate me too, but I held my breath. He tried a few times but failed, and because I have hemorrhoids, he even ruptured them, causing pain for several days. Finally, he lay on his back on the bed, and I stood below the bed and fucked his anus while stroking his penis with my hand. He ejaculated—a lot.After we finished, neither of us was dressed, and we sat on the sofa chatting. He cleaned the bedroom, afraid his sister-in-law would find out, and since she was about to go home, I left. When I got home, I told my brother that my hemorrhoids had ruptured, and I also mentioned that I had given him oral sex. He said he felt cheated, since I had sex with his anus without washing it, and he gave me oral sex and deep throat, all without a condom. From then on, they occupied an increasingly important place in my heart. I think we met again at the end of October, and it was the same routine as usual. This time, after I finished with my sister-in-law, she fell asleep, and my brother lay in the middle. He hugged my sister-in-law, his buttocks facing me, and he was giving me a handjob. Because I had sex with my sister-in-law, I hadn't ejaculated, but I soon became painfully hard. My brother guided my penis towards his anus. I slowly pushed in and out, little by little, until it entered my brother's anus. So, my sister-in-law hugged my brother, and my brother hugged my sister-in-law, while I slowly thrust in and out from behind my brother. My brother endured the pain, occasionally opening his mouth as if he couldn't take it anymore. My sister-in-law suddenly turned over, and my brother immediately pushed me away. That night, my brother slept in the middle while we rested. In the middle of the night, I went to my sister-in-law's side and started what my brother had described as "torturing" her. I don't know if she was still asleep in the middle of the night, but each time I would first wet her, then lie on my side and penetrate her. She would hug my brother's neck, sometimes waking him up like that, and then he would quietly observe in the dark. If he got aroused, he would join in. After this meeting, there was a three-month gap. During those three months, I experienced the taste of longing. Every weekend night, I would greet my brother, and he refused time and time again. I don't know why I just wanted to see them. Was it lust? Or had they already left a place in my heart? Later, I also met with a few other couples, but if I had a choice, I would still prefer to see them, only my opportunities to see them became fewer and fewer. I think it was around New Year's Day. I met a single woman in a QQ group. I was bored, so I spent a lot of time in the group. Eventually, I even managed to become her "little husband." She was the group admin and the only woman in the group. Her husband was also in the group, and she would share voice messages about having sex with him. One day, she asked me if I dared to come to her place. So I went the next day, arriving around noon and checking into a nearby hotel. She was too shy to come upstairs and kept in touch via text message. Eventually, she came into my room. She stayed with me for the entire afternoon, and I forget exactly how many times we did it. I ejaculated quickly the first time and made me masturbate. She had been trying to have a second child for two or three years without success, and said she wanted to try my sperm to see if it would work. If she got pregnant, she would have the baby. Of course, she didn't get pregnant, so I was relieved. That night, her husband went home, and she went home too. The next morning, after her husband went to work, she immediately came to see me again. We stayed until noon, then had lunch together, and I accompanied her to the mobile phone company to handle some business. I had her husband's QQ account and we chatted. He verbally agreed to let me visit, but sometimes he went back on his word. Perhaps he knew she was meeting me. Later, she told me she wanted to try having two men together, and suggested I try it with someone suitable. After that, we gradually lost contact because the distance was inconvenient. The last time I saw my brother and sister-in-law was in 2018, on her birthday, or more precisely, the next day. The process was the same as before, but this time we mostly chatted. I wanted to change jobs, and my brother suggested I move to their city. Another breakthrough happened in the middle of the night. I entered her anus. Her anus is very sensitive; she always resisted being touched with my fingers before. In the middle of the night, I woke up, touched her clitoris, and slowly it became wet. I then inserted my penis. Because her back was to me, I lay on my side, preparing to penetrate. I tried several times but couldn't get in. My sister-in-law had her legs curled up, and suddenly found a spot where I could insert, but it was very difficult. I slowly pushed forward, a little in, then pulled out to gather my strength, and finally, I got in. Once inside, I felt her grip tightly around my glans with each thrust. I only thrust a dozen times before ejaculating. After ejaculating, I touched my sister-in-law's anus; there was semen, so I concluded that I had penetrated her anus. She didn't resist at all, only letting out a soft moan at the moment of penetration. The next morning, I asked my sister-in-law if I had penetrated her anus in the middle of the night, but she didn't answer. So even now, I'm not sure if I really did. All the meetings of 2018 passed like that. During that year, I don't know how, but slowly, two people came to mind. I wanted to tell them about my joys and sorrows, making me feel that there was a room in that city that would open the door for me, and inside were two relatives without blood ties, with whom I could enjoy sex. And I silently thought about doing things for them, even willing to offer my chrysanthemum to my older brother. I remember when we first met, I forget exactly which time, my sister-in-law suddenly hugged me, made me lie on top of her, spread my buttocks with her hands, and offered my chrysanthemum to my older brother. I tried to break free, but she held me tightly, laughing. Of course, my older brother didn't actually do anything to me. My older brother asked my sister-in-law if he really wanted to put his chrysanthemum in my chrysanthemum, but she refused. Actually, I was terrified at that time, and afterwards I didn't want to go to them anymore. I don't know why, by the end of 2018, I was willing to offer my chrysanthemum to my older brother. Perhaps it was his initiative that made me want to make him feel good and satisfy him. Later, my older brother said he couldn't bear to, so he didn't do it.I ejaculated right away. After I finished, I touched my sister-in-law's anus and there was semen, so I concluded that I had penetrated her anus. She didn't resist at all during the whole process, only letting out a soft moan at the moment of penetration. The next morning, I asked my sister-in-law if I had penetrated her anus in the middle of the night, but she didn't answer, so even now I can't be sure if I really did penetrate her anus. All the meetings over the past 18 years have passed just like that. During this year, I don't know how, but slowly, two people came to mind. I wanted to tell them about my joys and my frustrations, making me feel that there was a room in that city that would open the door for me, and inside were two relatives who were not related by blood, with whom I could enjoy sex. And I also silently thought about giving to them, even willing to offer my anus to my older brother. I remember when we first met, I forgot which time exactly, my sister-in-law suddenly hugged me, made me lie on top of her, spread my buttocks with her hands, and let my older brother penetrate my anus. I tried to break free, but she held me tightly and was still laughing. Of course, my older brother didn't touch me in the end. My older brother asked my sister-in-law if he really penetrated my anus, but she refused. Actually, I was terrified at that time, and afterwards I didn't want to go to them again. I don't know why, by the end of 2018, I was willing to offer my anus to my older brother; perhaps his initiative made me want to make him feel good and satisfy him. Later, my older brother said he couldn't bear to do it, so he didn't.I ejaculated right away. After I finished, I touched my sister-in-law's anus and there was semen, so I concluded that I had penetrated her anus. She didn't resist at all during the whole process, only letting out a soft moan at the moment of penetration. The next morning, I asked my sister-in-law if I had penetrated her anus in the middle of the night, but she didn't answer, so even now I can't be sure if I really did penetrate her anus. All the meetings over the past 18 years have passed just like that. During this year, I don't know how, but slowly, two people came to mind. I wanted to tell them about my joys and my frustrations, making me feel that there was a room in that city that would open the door for me, and inside were two relatives who were not related by blood, with whom I could enjoy sex. And I also silently thought about giving to them, even willing to offer my anus to my older brother. I remember when we first met, I forgot which time exactly, my sister-in-law suddenly hugged me, made me lie on top of her, spread my buttocks with her hands, and let my older brother penetrate my anus. I tried to break free, but she held me tightly and was still laughing. Of course, my older brother didn't touch me in the end. My older brother asked my sister-in-law if he really penetrated my anus, but she refused. Actually, I was terrified at that time, and afterwards I didn't want to go to them again. I don't know why, by the end of 2018, I was willing to offer my anus to my older brother; perhaps his initiative made me want to make him feel good and satisfy him. Later, my older brother said he couldn't bear to do it, so he didn't.
In 2019, I went to work in another city. Actually, every time I went home, I wanted to visit them, but my older brother wouldn't allow it. In April, I found a couple near my workplace. She was 47, he was 48. She stayed home to take care of the children, and he worked in another city. They were ordinary people, not particularly good-looking, and even had noticeable wrinkles on their faces. But they were incredibly kind to me, and we still keep in touch. Let's call them Brother J and Sister-in-law J. Brother J works in another city, and Sister-in-law J stays home to take care of the children. After our first meeting, Brother J immediately told me to go see Sister-in-law J alone. Sister-in-law J would tell Brother J when she wanted to, and then he would contact me. Later, he directly told me to contact Sister-in-law J myself, giving me her phone number and WeChat so I could chat with her. She also enjoyed chatting with me and interacting on WeChat. Being with Sister-in-law J was the most comfortable. Although she was older, her vagina was very well-maintained and tight, not at all like someone almost 50. She could make me ejaculate quickly every time, while with other women, I always ejaculated very slowly, unable to ejaculate a second time. She could make me ejaculate three times. She would satisfy any desire I had, oral sex, anal sex, anything. What touched me most was that after we finished, she would make me lie on top of her, hug me tightly, and stroke my back. I could almost always bring her to orgasm; the most she ever had was probably five. I rarely saw J, maybe three or four times. The most exciting time was when he was having sex with J's wife while giving me oral sex. After he finished, I put my penis in her mouth. J would usually go to the sofa to play on his phone after ejaculating, leaving J's wife and me to do whatever we wanted on the bed. J's wife had been with a few single men before me, but after meeting me, it was only me. J once sent me a screenshot where he asked her if she wanted to find someone else. At that time, I had some trouble and hadn't been to her place for four or five months. J's wife refused, saying she wouldn't do it anymore. I asked her about it, and she said that if she wasn't going, she wouldn't do it anymore. I said, "If I don't look for someone, what will I do if I want to?" She said that J had been away for over twenty years and had endured it all, only starting to do it in the last few years. I suggested that I find a suitable single man to replace me in providing her with sexual pleasure, but she refused. Sometimes I wonder if I'm being a jerk to J and his wife; they treated me sincerely, but I was thinking of someone else. Later, when I had a fight with my older brother and sister-in-law, J said something that made me feel guilty towards them. He said, "You've already had your fun, so why don't you settle down with us? We'll treat you well, and you can go see your sister-in-law anytime." I asked them what they would do if I minded them seeing other men. J replied that if I really minded, they wouldn't see other men, and even if they did, they would tell me so I could meet the man. J even offered to give me his anus, saying they would both give it to me, asking if I was good to them. Yes, they were very considerate of my feelings; perhaps if I placed my emotional attachment in them, things would be different. However, my heart already belonged to someone else; it was my first time having a threesome with a married couple. After the New Year, I went to work in another city, and their elderly relatives lived there, so it wasn't convenient. Before the Dragon Boat Festival holiday, I contacted my older brother; the elderly relatives weren't home, but my sister-in-law was on her period. I remembered it very clearly because the last time we met was my sister-in-law's birthday; it had been about five months since we last met. I stayed home for a day during the Dragon Boat Festival and sent my sister-in-law a happy Dragon Boat Festival message that evening. She replied the next day, saying she slept all day at home. Suddenly, I really wanted to visit them, so I messaged my older brother, saying I wanted to come and keep them company. He asked if I really wanted to go, and I answered affirmatively. He then mentioned that my sister-in-law's period hadn't finished yet, and I replied that I could just cuddle with her while we slept, without touching her. He agreed, and I immediately set off, driving to their building. Since the children weren't asleep yet, I waited for about half an hour before going in, following the usual routine. My sister-in-law always goes to bed early. I went into the bedroom and immediately stripped naked. My brother woke her up and told her I was there. I lay down on my side, smelling the fragrance of her hair, and hugged her—I've always liked doing this. Of course, I kissed her earlobe, touched her breasts, and touched her buttocks, but I didn't dare touch her genitals. My brother said my sister-in-law's period wasn't over yet. I clearly told her I wouldn't touch her, I just wanted to hold her while we slept. Hehe, of course I couldn't sleep. My brother asked my sister-in-law if she would let me kiss her genitals, and she said no. I assumed she was on her period, so I didn't try to kiss her. Actually, even when she wasn't on her period, when my brother asked her, she would still say no, but I would still take off her panties and kiss her vulva. I asked my brother if there was any blood left, and he said I could lick the blood. Haha, I thought that was a bit too much. I saw a sanitary napkin in my sister-in-law's panties, but I still took them off. As usual, she pricked me a few times but managed to get the covers off easily. Then it was just the two horny men examining my sister-in-law's vulva. My brother and I spread her vulva apart; it was pink and tender, with no blood. I licked her clitoris first, but I didn't dare lick her vaginal opening. Her clitoris is always her most sensitive spot; she can't stand it when I lick it. After licking it, it tasted salty, but not bloody. My sister-in-law's vulva usually doesn't have any unusual smell. I licked it for a while, then I let my older brother lick it. While he licked, I went to suckle her breasts and kiss her earlobes. That was the end of it. I chatted with my older brother about my life and work over the past few months. My sister-in-law kept her eyes closed; I didn't know if she was really asleep or listening. She's always been very sleepy and sleeps whenever she has free time. We chatted for about half an hour. When I arrived, I said I wanted to hold my sister-in-law while we slept. I held her, sometimes taking her hand and touching my penis, sometimes putting her hand on my older brother's penis. We had already turned off the lights and were about to sleep when my older brother turned them back on and started kissing her breasts and touching her vulva. I immediately realized he was sucking on the other breast. After a while, my older brother said he would rub his penis against her vulva, and he kept rubbing his penis against her vulva, which she enjoyed. As I rubbed against him, I felt him penetrate me. I asked my brother, and he deliberately said no, haha. A little while later, he started thrusting and asked my sister-in-law if she wanted me to penetrate. My sister-in-law, true to form, didn't answer. No answer means no refusal, which is her tacit agreement. After a while, my brother moved aside, and of course, I immediately took over. Finally, after five months, I was with my sister-in-law again. Because it was during her period, which had actually ended or was on its last day, I had to be gentle so as not to hurt my dear sister-in-law. I don't know when my brother started liking to film, sometimes filming from above, sometimes from behind. He even timed me, but I forgot the exact time. Anyway, I was still with my sister-in-law at nine minutes. Due to exhaustion, I lay down and let my sister-in-law sit on top, but she didn't move. After a while, she went limp, and my brother laughed at me. My brother continued with my sister-in-law, saying that if I had continued, she would have squirted. After a few minutes, my sister-in-law didn't want to continue anymore; she was tired too, so we prepared to go to sleep. Of course, I also held my sister-in-law. To be honest, it was very hot, and I was sweating from exhaustion. I covered her with a blanket, specifically her lower body. We didn't turn on the air conditioning because it's easy for her to catch a cold, especially during this special time. We slept like that for a while. Since I had to leave before the child woke up, I left at 5:00 AM. My brother-in-law set his alarm for 4:30 AM. He was so thoughtful, setting it half an hour earlier. When I woke up, I heard the alarm ring. I started again. This time, my sister-in-law's vulva was very dry, and it took a lot of effort. Finally, I rubbed her vulva little by little until it slowly became wet before I could penetrate her. In the traditional position, my sister-in-law lay on her back, and I made love to her face to face. After a while, my brother-in-law took over and ejaculated inside her. I continued, feeling the urge to ejaculate, but because there was semen inside, it was slippery, and I couldn't ejaculate. Finally, we used my favorite position: my sister-in-law lay on her side, and I lay on my side behind her and penetrated her. We kept going until, due to time constraints, my sister-in-law got tired, so we stopped. I got dressed, my brother-in-law saw me out, and I drove home. When I got home, I took another nap. At noon, my older brother texted me saying my wife was exhausted. I guessed she'd slept until noon again. I asked if she was up, and he said she was. He told me to send her my regards, so I did. Actually, she rarely replies to my messages, but I don't mind. I just tell her when I miss her; I know she'll see it. The most memorable thing this time was when my brother asked my wife who was older, me or L, and said he'd find her another single man so there would be three of us. My wife hit him a few times. I think L is the single man he mentioned I'd met before. It was L's appearance that caused so much trouble and unpleasantness between my brother and me. I knew someone else would come along, but I still snapped at that moment. Later, I learned that they were originally going to meet L that day, but it was postponed by a week because of my arrival. This was also mentioned in the single man's post—they met a week later because of some issues. August 2019 was the darkest month of my life; so much happened that month. I saw an article on 69.com, written by a single man, and I was convinced the couple described in the article were them! Perhaps because I knew them too well—their family situation, and their actions. At that moment, my mind went blank, and my heart suddenly ached—it was like a normal heartbeat suddenly stopping for a moment, a pain in my chest. I had anticipated the appearance of a new single man, but I underestimated my capacity to cope, or perhaps I never realized how important they were to me! That day, I felt like I had lost my soul; I only ate one steamed bun.I lay motionless in bed like a living dead person, suffering from severe insomnia. Perhaps I trusted my older brother too much. We had discussed this issue before, and he said that as long as I went, he wouldn't see anyone else, and he would tell me if he did. We've been a regular couple, and I've even asked him if he minded me seeing other women. And the last time in 2018, my brother asked if I'd met anyone else, and I told him the truth—a single woman. My brother had also tried to instill in me the idea of polygamy, saying I wouldn't get married and would stay with them forever. My answer was that I wouldn't get married if my sister-in-law gave me a child. That day passed in a daze. During that sleepless night, I made a decision: I sent that article to my brother at 1 a.m. He asked me who wrote it around 3 a.m., and in that half-asleep state, I immediately checked my phone. I told him it was written by a 69-year-old single man, and asked if it was them. My brother gave several points to prove it wasn't them, and asked if my sister-in-law was as open as described in the article, and if he was as capable as described. Although I had my doubts, I did receive a reassuring answer. However, this answer was also the one that devastated me the most! Yes, I fell asleep, and when I woke up at 6 a.m., the article had been deleted. My heart sank. I had just asked my brother, and the article was deleted—was it really such a coincidence? The most coincidental thing was that I had a friend, N, who was a 69 member. I asked him to check the single man's QQ account, and it turned out he was a friend of that single man. He even showed me the single man's photo and gave me his QQ number. The single man said that the other man in the couple had asked him to delete the post earlier that morning, which made me even more certain that it was my brother. Then I chatted with the single man again, and what he said was completely different from before; he denied everything. Later, my friend N, seeing that I was still struggling with this, showed me his chat history with the single man. He asked the single man if I had contacted other single men, and if it was true that two single men had met up with a couple. The single man said yes. At that moment, I thought, my dear brother had actually conspired with that single man he had only known for less than a month to hide this from me. If my older brother had told me earlier that it was true, I might have only been upset for a few days and it would have ended there. However, being kept in the dark by the person I trusted most made me explode. I contacted my older brother again, and he said if I didn't believe him, I could investigate myself, and there was a hint of displeasure in his voice. No matter what method I used, I couldn't get any information from that single man. He deleted me. At that time, I only wanted one thing: to find out the truth and get my older brother to admit it himself. Yes, I finally got his admission, but it didn't change anything. I used a cruel method to get this answer, sister-in-law! Now I know that L already had a single man before, back in the second half of 2018. While I was waiting anxiously every weekend night, those repeated rejections were because someone else had replaced me. At that time, I was filled with hatred, hating why, when I felt I had dedicated myself to my older brother, when I was determined to be with them for life, even if we didn't have sex, I would still want to visit them, even when they were old, my older brother would treat me like this. Perhaps I had gone mad at that time. On Qixi Festival in 2019, I wished my sister-in-law a happy festival, and she replied. Her reply gave me a way to guess the truth: send the article to my sister-in-law. Actually, I already had the answer in my heart, but I wanted confirmation. If she saw it and it was true, she would delete me. I spent the whole day checking her WeChat to see if she had deleted me. She deleted me at 10 pm, but I felt no pleasure whatsoever. Later, I learned that my sister-in-law had yelled at my brother that night. At first, my brother said we could continue even if no feelings developed, but when he found out I had sent the article to my sister-in-law, he deleted me. His words also revealed his dissatisfaction with me, saying I had no right to interfere. Yes, I had no right to interfere, and I couldn't stop them. All I wanted was their attitude towards me, a genuine attitude. I wanted him to tell me directly, and I could bear the sadness for a while. Why did I have to make it this way? Because I knew that if I kept this to myself, I wouldn't behave well even when I saw my brother and sister-in-law. And I was still hoping for my brother's sincerity. If he told me the truth, then it would be over, and our relationship would become closer. But I wanted more—their sincerity! And I was actually imagining how that single man would fuck my dear sister-in-law, masturbating. Yes, others were having sex with their wives, but I was having sex with my sister-in-law. A few days ago, I saw a video of another single man having sex. Although it was edited out and his face wasn't shown, I could still confirm it was my sister-in-law. This single man and I had gotten along quite well, and he had indeed met up with my brother and sister-in-law. I suddenly had a feeling similar to that of someone who discovers their closest person is cheating and slowly goes down this path. Watching the video made me feel like I was about to lose them, but there was also a kind of excitement, wanting to see how they played with other people, how they behaved. In this mix of reluctance and excitement, I got an erection and masturbated until I ejaculated. Judging from my sister-in-law's behavior, she seemed to really like this single man, constantly stroking his back. In my memory, my sister-in-law rarely touched my back on her own initiative. I don't know why, but I was still unwilling to give up. I added that single man on another QQ account to find out if they had met up again. They met up again, during the time when I was arguing with them the most. When we arranged to meet, my older brother added me on WeChat. I happened to be home and wanted to visit him and his wife, but they refused. I was heartbroken; I didn't even have a chance to meet them. I had been chatting with N for a long time, and he gave me the contact information of a couple living in the same city. I met them, W, and N promised that if I met W, I could meet them, and then we could meet together again. The four of them hadn't met, but later they actually did have a group of five. At the time, I used this method to get revenge or to release the resentment in my heart. So, in August, I arranged to meet two couples, both of whom were satisfied with me, and we discussed having a group of five. In the last few days of August, I was in a car accident and had to go to a detention center for a while. Five minutes before I was to be taken in, I was told my phone would be confiscated. I don't know why, but I sent him, that man, a WeChat message—the only message I sent besides contacting my family. I immediately turned off my phone because I thought it would be the last message, and his reply was that it didn't matter. I spent a whole month in the detention center. When I got out and got my phone back, I saw a lot of messages from people. The W couple messaged me every few days. W's sister-in-law even deleted me, thinking I was ignoring her, but I added her back and explained the situation. Brother N also messaged me several times. Brother J and his wife messaged me the most, constantly asking what was wrong and sounding very worried about me. I saw his reply: I had retracted one message, and the other was just two words: "Drunk driving?" Everything was mostly settled, and I don't know why, but I sent him a WeChat message: "I'm out, everything is fine." He replied instantly, having just read my post. Yes, I posted that while I was lying in bed, suddenly wanting to tell him I was out. Sometimes, in that instant, everything changes, and many things become less important. I asked him, "Did you ever care about me?" His answer was that he had checked my WeChat and QQ posts every day for the past month. At that moment, those words warmed my heart. Then I asked how his sister-in-law was, and he told me he hadn't been doing well either, that his child was injured. He sent me photos of his sister-in-law taking care of the child, and we reconnected. I checked her WeChat and she still deleted me, though she didn't block me. I stayed home for a whole week during the National Day holiday. During this time, W and N met and they swapped partners. In mid-October, I had a five-person activity with N and W. During this activity, W and his wife showered first, then I showered. After showering, I went straight to W and his wife. When I entered, W's sister-in-law was giving W's brother oral sex. I directly wet her and penetrated her. I fucked her for about ten minutes, but W's brother didn't get hard. N's brother came in, and W's sister-in-law told me to go find N's sister, saying that N's sister wasn't comfortable alone. I grabbed a condom and went to find N's sister. When I entered, the lights were off, and I couldn't see anything. She got off the bed, walked to my side, hugged me, and started kissing me. She asked if I missed her, and I said I did. She then asked why I didn't come to see her. We kissed and slowly lay down. She was already wet and told me to put on a condom. I met her a few times, and she always insisted on using a condom, which I always followed. However, it was only during the second half of this event that I didn't use a condom and had sex with her. The funny thing was, she said she wouldn't let me in, so I couldn't get in. Then I rubbed my penis against the entrance, going in a little each time and then pulling out. She said it itched, and I said it was punishment for not letting me in, so I always went all the way in. She liked it when I went in very deep each time. Later, she found another guy who was very long and thick, but she said it wasn't comfortable and hurt. She liked mine; I always went all the way in without it hurting, filling her completely. So, in the dark, we did it. She especially liked the sitting/lying position; she took the initiative, holding my head and kissing me while moving up and down, and I quickly reached orgasm. Later, N secretly came back, and then I went to see W and his wife. W wasn't even hard, and W's wife wasn't satisfied either. Later, I heard from W's wife that N had...She was a little disgusted by the violence. I then had sex with Sister-in-law W. Since she wasn't wearing an IUD and was in her fertile period, she asked me to take it out before I ejaculated. So, I lay on my side and had sex with Sister-in-law W, while she gave Brother W oral sex. After about half an hour, I finally ejaculated, landing on Sister-in-law W's big, white buttocks. N came in, and Brother W told him that I had just ejaculated after all this time. Then the women went to wash up, and the three men went to the living room to drink tea and chat, completely naked. After resting for about an hour, W and his wife went to rest, and N followed them in. Naturally, I went to find Sister N. She said she didn't want to anymore, and that I should continue if she wanted to. I sucked on her breasts, and soon I wanted to get aroused. But I couldn't find a condom, so I didn't wear one and just went in. She didn't object. She asked me if it felt good inside, and I said yes. This time, it lasted about ten minutes before I ejaculated inside her. N came back just then. He never knew I had slept with his wife. Later, I told him, and he deleted me from his contacts after that, but then added me back, saying that the past was the past. The next morning, I went to see the W couple, but W's wife said she was tired, so I went to see the N couple. N went to the W couple's room, and while I was having sex with N, W came in, this time without a condom. W still didn't get hard, just stood there watching and embracing N, while I had sex with N. The five of us ate breakfast together and then left. Later, I found out that I was N's second man. They later found two single men and told me, but I didn't have any particular reaction. We even discussed the performance of other single men once. N is very lively, very open and proactive in sex. Once, N was driving, and I was sitting in the back with her. She took my hand and drew circles on my palm with her fingers. She was probably the youngest and most beautiful woman I've ever met. When we had sex, except for this time when I had to use a condom because it was hard for me to ejaculate, and when we met in July, I even went soft halfway through, which led to us not contacting each other for two or three months. The W couple started to pay attention to me. They were doing a swapping business and initially said they would take me with them. Before each couple they met, they would ask if they could bring a single man, but they rarely accepted. Even W's sister-in-law said she wouldn't accept it, that they wouldn't do it, but later, for some reason, they didn't meet again. They exchanged games a lot, and then they never saw each other again. In October, I chatted with him occasionally, but I still wanted to know if they had met up with L. I added L using another QQ account. This QQ account had also been registered with 69 (a dating app), which I registered when I first met him. I couldn't find my old 69 account anymore, so I registered this one, and he even added me back. So I used this QQ account to chat with L. This QQ account had very few friends, but he was always there. Suddenly, I wanted to use this QQ account to chat with him, and he replied. So I changed my identity and chatted with him. I pretended to be N and even told him I knew him. We got along better and better using this QQ account, and I learned a lot through it. He admitted to meeting up with L.And he even talked about me. But if he had to choose between the two, he chose L because it was inconvenient for me to contact them anymore. I was abandoned for such a simple reason, and at that moment, my anger was palpable in that QQ message. I also learned about his attitude towards me, something he had never told me before. His exact words were, "Can you say I don't like him? I gave myself to him!" He ignored me, but I could chat with him using another identity. I enjoyed this immensely during that time because I could get answers I didn't know before, and I also teased him, using my previously preferred, but never expressed, androgynous side. He slowly trusted me and wanted to meet that virtual person. Actually, I vaguely sensed that he might have suspected that this virtual person had a shadow of me in them. Later, he also said he suspected I shared a QQ account with N, but he didn't expect it to be me. He asked me how I did it! During that time, I felt like I had two selves: one who liked them, and one who deliberately flirted with him, wanting to see his reaction and teasing him. This continued from October until March when I confessed to him. During that time, I wanted to chat with him on a virtual QQ account whenever I had free time, but I regretted it after each chat, afraid of the consequences if he found out. I learned more and more things he had never told me before. My worries grew. He even invited this virtual person to meet in person, or to have a four-person activity with me. Of course, this was impossible, and I didn't want to ruin my sister-in-law's image in my heart, so I refused. Actually, I also asked N to help me out, but N wasn't interested in them at all. In fact, the bisexual person I chatted with on that virtual QQ account was probably my true intention. I was somewhat resistant to it before, and later, as we had fewer opportunities to meet, I didn't have much contact with him. I knew that I had discovered L, and perhaps if everything were a normal relationship, all those bisexual things I chatted with him about would come true. Because I don't know when, I started to enjoy contacting him, and even wanted to have open contact with him in front of my sister-in-law, to involve her as well, and to achieve a true three-way integration. Unfortunately, there are no "what ifs," only missed opportunities and sudden problems, such as a month ago when our relationship had just improved, I passively discovered the existence of two single men. I honestly don't know whether to thank the person who told me or resent him. And I don't know how they started talking about my older brother and sister-in-law. What's even more ridiculous is that they've all met my brother and they even know his name. When I met him, he was the one who knew my brother's name, which surprised me. This person is also intersex and has been trying to meet me. In October, I told my sister-in-law via WeChat that I was in detention and inquired about the children. She didn't reply, but on the last day of October, she actually accepted my friend request! On November 1st, I had to go back to work to handle some things and suddenly really wanted to see them. I texted my brother, telling him that my sister-in-law had added me and that I was on my way to their city, thinking that if I didn't see them, it wouldn't matter. My brother only asked where I was getting off, and he would pick me up. Unfortunately, I arrived after 10 pm, and my brother met me at the entrance of the apartment complex. Before I entered the house, my brother told me that they had just finished sex, and my sister-in-law hadn't gotten up yet. When I entered, I saw my sister-in-law lying naked in bed. I wanted to go over and hug her, to tell her what had happened to me lately. I asked if she missed me, and she immediately said no. She definitely wouldn't have said that directly before. I felt uneasy, so I didn't take off my clothes. Actually, there wasn't much time; the child was going home soon. My sister-in-law got dressed; my brother-in-law got her a shirt. While she was putting on her pants, she lay on my lap, pressing down on me. My brother-in-law pulled up her pants himself. Then we sat on the sofa, my brother-in-law in the middle, and my sister-in-law and I on either side. My sister-in-law leaned on my brother-in-law's shoulder and asked if I had been bullied in the detention center, whether the food was good, and other miscellaneous things. My sister-in-law even touched my brother-in-law's penis, and I touched his breasts. At that moment, I really wanted to lean on their shoulders for comfort, to have them hold me, to feel their warmth. We chatted for about ten minutes, then my brother-in-law had to go pick up the child, saying it wasn't convenient for me to eat at home. My sister-in-law told me to go with him, so I went with him. After arriving at the tutoring center, I chatted with my older brother in the car for a while before heading back to the company. This time, I specifically asked my brother and sister-in-law their names, and he told me. I'd always wanted to know my sister-in-law's name, but she wouldn't tell me. Actually, I really wanted to know; I could have found out by going into her workplace once. I just wanted to hear her tell me herself, but that never happened. I continued chatting with my brother on that virtual QQ account, and the conversation got better and better. I vaguely sensed that he was aware of my presence, so I teased him while secretly observing him. Due to the outcome of my traffic accident, I might never be able to leave my city again. After J and his wife found out, J went home specifically to visit me before I left. I couldn't refuse him, so we met in mid-November. This time, after J ejaculated, he left me alone with my sister-in-law. She didn't want me to leave, and after we finished, she hugged me tightly, making me lie on top of her. I was already soft, but I still made thrusting motions without penetration, and she actually had an orgasm. However, there are two people I miss the most, and I'm wondering how I can see them one last time, because this might be the last time. I've been planning this for a long time. I contact him every day using that virtual QQ account, occasionally catching up on my life. I don't know how to meet them, and he's been inviting that virtual version of me to meet him, so I thought I'd use that virtual identity to see him one last time. That day, I said I was going to see him, and he brought up the housing quota, asking if I needed the virtual QQ account, saying he'd give it to both the virtual QQ account and the real me for free. I sent the file to the virtual QQ account first, then told him I probably wouldn't need it, asking if he'd shown it to the real me. He said no, because he knew the real me had been in a car accident and had to pay compensation, which might be difficult to bear. At the same time, I told him using that virtual QQ account that the real me was already on my way to their city. He first sent the file to my real QQ account, which I hadn't seen because I was always online using the virtual QQ account. Then I received a message from him on WeChat saying he'd sent me the file on QQ, and I looked at it—of course, I'd already read the contents. I said on WeChat, "Let's talk when we meet; I'm on my way to their city," and he readily agreed. So I met them using my real identity. I really wanted to see him, but my sister-in-law was also there. That was the last time I had sex with them, and it happened in his office. I went to the vicinity of his workplace, a place I'd been to before, and wandered around aimlessly, waiting for the appointed time. I visited a nearby tourist attraction; it had changed a lot since my visit a few years ago. A few minutes before the appointed time, he texted me, telling me my sister-in-law was there too. I asked if she knew I was coming, and he said no. Later, I thought, how could she not know? The group-purchase housing quota belonged to her workplace; why would he give it to me without her consent? I saw their car arrive at the door, my sister-in-law sitting in the passenger seat. He stopped, and she asked who it was. I told her my name, and she didn't seem surprised. Then I got in the car and followed them into my brother's office. In the office, my brother took out a document—which I later realized was the housing purchase brochure—and we chatted casually. My sister-in-law asked my brother, "Didn't you say it would be over soon?" My brother replied, "Sister-in-law, who told you to come too?" Haha, thinking back now, my sister-in-law definitely knew my brother had talked to me about buying a house, and she even agreed and came along in person. My brother boiled water, and everyone was drinking it, while my sister-in-law kept looking at her phone. I moved closer to her, watching her on her phone, and then started touching her here and there. My sister-in-law kept saying it wouldn't be good at work and that I was annoying. Just then, my brother went out for a while, and my sister-in-law sat on the single sofa. I forcibly carried her to the long sofa. And I kept touching her. When my brother came back, my sister-in-law sat on one side of the sofa, and my brother also sat on the sofa, giving me a look. I became even bolder, unsure if it was appropriate to go further in my brother's office. I had my sister-in-law sit between my brother and me, and then I touched her buttocks, while my brother started attacking her from above. I immediately unzipped my sister-in-law's pants and pulled them down along with her underwear. My sister-in-law was still wearing a sanitary napkin; her period hadn't completely stopped. My brother said there was still blood down there, and I said, "Let me see," and then I started giving her oral sex. Haha, this has always been my sister-in-law's Achilles' heel; she gets an immediate urge as soon as her clitoris is touched. It did have a salty taste, but I kept giving it to her, and slowly she gave up struggling. My brother kept attacking her. He even made her give him oral sex, something she never did before, even when she was with me. While I was giving her oral sex, she pressed my head down with her hands, and slowly her buttocks started moving. While I was giving her oral sex, I unzipped my pants and released my penis. My brother was already hard from her oral sex and started penetrating her. I tried to kiss her ear and mouth, but she kept dodging me. Maybe it's because I smoke; she's never liked kissing me. I wanted her to give me oral sex, but she kept turning her head away and wouldn't open her mouth. After a few tries, I gave up. My brother started thrusting, and I kissed her breasts and cheeks intermittently. After a while, it was my turn. I penetrated her, and to be honest, I don't know why, maybe I was nervous, but I wasn't fully erect, much less than usual. But it was hard enough to penetrate.I then penetrated my sister-in-law and started having sex with her, using small thrusts, since her period wasn't completely over yet, and occasionally going deeper. Gradually, I felt her becoming increasingly wet, and she started wiggling her hips. Since my pants were down to my knees, it was inconvenient, and the same position was tiring. So, my older brother took over, and he just pulled his pants down. He did it again, and after a while, he called me back. This time, while having sex with my sister-in-law, I actually gave my older brother oral sex—yes, the first time I'd given him oral sex in front of my sister-in-law in all the time we'd known each other, and I even asked her to do it with me, but she refused! This time, I only lasted a few minutes; the positions were still limited, so my older brother took over again. I felt my penis was wet, so I wiped it with tissue, and there was a little blood on the tissue. My older brother started thrusting and ejaculated inside. Then we hurriedly wiped my sister-in-law's genitals, because there was menstrual blood and semen. Some of it even spilled onto the leather sofa. After wiping it clean, I helped my sister-in-law pull up her pants. Then my older brother cleaned up the tissue and threw it away. Then we chatted, talking about everyday things. In the middle of the chat, my parents called to say they were going out and wouldn't be back that night, so we packed up and got ready to leave. Later, we went to pick up some things and then went shopping with my sister-in-law. Ugh, thinking about it now makes me angry; I should have been more proactive. We went to get some wine, and when we talked about drinking, my sister-in-law mentioned she'd drunk that bottle of red wine that night. I offered to treat her to dinner and drinks, and even asked if she could drink. After leaving the supermarket, we picked up the kids and waited in the car. When the kids were almost out, my brother asked if I had a ride home. I called to ask, but it wasn't confirmed yet. I blame myself for being so talkative; I should have just waited. After the call, I told my brother I'd only made the call and hadn't confirmed anything. He said yes, I hadn't told the person on the phone when I was leaving. I said I'd call again to let him know. Then I confirmed it. A while later, my brother and sister-in-law went to pick up the kids, and I waited for the ride. On the way home, my brother told me on QQ that he actually wanted me to stay overnight and have dinner together, but seeing I wasn't interested, he said... I was actually using a virtual QQ account to chat with my older brother the whole way. It was like I was performing two different acts, one moment my real self, the next the virtual one. I used the virtual QQ to try and persuade my brother to let my real self go back, but he said my sister-in-law was drunk and already asleep. Actually, that day, while we were shopping at the supermarket, my sister-in-law went in first. My brother and I were in the car, and I accidentally saw his chat history with L. L was blatantly calling my dear sister-in-law a slut, and I saw my brother even replying with a smiling emoji. I asked my brother, "Are you willing to let someone treat your sister-in-law like that?" My brother argued that L only acts like that online, not in real life, and I couldn't argue with that. Since my brother didn't care, what right or way did I have to stop him? I also saw a message: "Has she arrived?" I thought L knew about our meeting, or even that L was directing it, so I was very angry because my brother even filmed the whole thing. Everything made me think that my brother was contacting L. Because L also wanted to see them that day, but my brother refused. My older brother said he only met L three times, but I feel it must be more than that, because I know of at least three times, and they were in contact until November. I told my brother about these doubts using a virtual QQ account, and he said I was being too suspicious. I also told my brother on the virtual QQ account that if it were true, he should let go of the real me. Yes, because when we met, I felt relieved, but after the meeting, I started to think. I wondered if it was a coincidence, if I was a toy manipulated by my brother and L, because if it were true, I don't know what I would do, because what I hate most is being played by people I genuinely care about. In the past, I would definitely never talk to them again, never have anything to do with them again, but they are people I've thought about giving up on so many times but couldn't bear to. I deliberately said that I had already told the real me all this. The real me was thinking, my sister-in-law never drinks before, maybe she drank today because of my arrival, or maybe my brother and sister-in-law reached some kind of agreement to never see me again. I told my brother about these doubts, and he said no, but it didn't dispel my doubts. The next day, when I was chatting with my older brother using the virtual QQ account, I mentioned that my real self told my virtual self that he was bisexual, and the virtual QQ account had gradually attracted his attention, leading to such a heated conversation. He even agreed to have sex with the virtual QQ account! At that moment, I wanted to confess everything to my brother—that the virtual QQ account was me! But I was afraid that if he found out, we would never see each other again. My brother said, "Does the virtual QQ account really think I'm such a casual person? Anyone, including the real me!" Then he deleted the virtual QQ account and all my real contact information. Then I started my performance again, using my real QQ account to denounce the virtual QQ account, trying every possible way to contact my brother, even threatening to go to jail for a year so I would never bother him again. I added my brother and sister-in-law on another WeChat account. When I added him, his first message was to tell me to get lost, mentioning my name. It turned out he remembered my old phone number. Actually, deleting the virtual QQ account might have been better. I don't know why my brother added me back, and even said it was his problem; he had indeed considered having something happen with the virtual QQ account. Perhaps now, looking back, he's begun to suspect that the virtual QQ account was me or that we had some kind of special relationship. Ultimately, after his exams, I confessed everything. He didn't seem that surprised; the only thing he didn't realize was that both QQ accounts belonged to me. He thought the virtual QQ was shared between me and N. I told him that no one but me could understand him so well and grasp his thoughts so accurately—I was confident in that. He asked if I was angry that he didn't tell me first about the group-purchase housing quota. Since the virtual QQ was the first to tell me, I replied that it was like them looking for other single men; I had no right to interfere. Haha, now I think maybe I was still resentful or even bothered that he didn't tell me first. After that, after this incident, I had no reason to chat with him anymore, and I didn't dare to chat with him casually. The only thing I did was use another WeChat account to ask my sister-in-law to add my usual WeChat account. She replied that she didn't know how, so I taught her, and she added my usual WeChat account again. Of course, my older brother was added too. In early March, I met a friend who was 69 years old. We talked about our experiences, and he mentioned a guy from the eastern part of the city. He said he had met someone before the Lunar New Year, and it might be the same person. He even mentioned the guy's name. They met once before the Lunar New Year, and if it weren't for the pandemic, they would have had a threesome. The guy even touched his penis and discussed engaging in bisexual activity. At that moment, I felt like I had lost him, that man. I deleted him on WeChat, and he deleted all my contact information. His wife also deleted me on WeChat—she blocked me! I'm still on their blacklist. At that time, I really didn't want to contact them anymore because I couldn't stand his hot-and-cold attitude, and I couldn't stand discovering new stories. I have a friend I've known for over two years who has been following my relationship with the guy and his wife. He's also friends with the guy. Initially, the guy created a group chat, and we were all in it. We chatted in the group. Once, I asked the guy about his social media updates, which I couldn't see because I saw them on someone else's page. The guy got angry and said I was meddling too much. I just wanted an excuse to chat with him. He said he would disband the group, and I immediately left. That friend created a new group, added my brother and me, but later disbanded it. He felt there was no need to worry about our relationship anymore, and he also thought my relationship with my brother and sister-in-law was over, so we unfriended each other. After the pandemic ended, I returned to work. In July, I went to N's house. N wanted to try to get closer to me, but the child was home that day, and I surprisingly lost interest halfway through, so we didn't succeed. The day before, when I went to N's house, I used that friend's QQ account to send a message to my brother through friend verification, telling him that N wanted to have a bisexual relationship with me. My brother added me and said, "Sure." We started chatting again, and he added me on QQ. Because my child was going to school in my hometown, we met once at the end of August, but only for lunch. Nine months later, seeing them again, there was no particular excitement; everything was so casual. I spotted him from a distance, and he saw me too. When we got closer, his first words were that I had lost a lot of weight. I noticed he had many more wrinkles around his eyes. They came to my hometown for some reason, and I took him to buy some things. In the taxi, we chatted about trivial things. After buying the things, he went to find his sister-in-law, and I waited patiently. Just then, in a casual glance back, our eyes met. I think I met their eyes; I saw them walking towards me one after the other through the railing. His sister-in-law seemed a little surprised; I didn't hear what she said. A while later, they came over, and my brother deliberately asked me why I was there. I replied that I knew they were here and would definitely come to see them, which was indeed my honest thought. Then the three of us got in the car and went to eat together. While eating, I watched her chatting and laughing, and we chatted casually too. After eating, they were going back, but my brother received a call and had to go back to his hometown. He said he could give me a ride halfway so I could catch a bus. Actually, I could have taken a bus directly from the county to the company; I wanted to stay with them.Let's make the trip a little longer. I also had a little thought: maybe we could stay the night and rekindle our romance. So we set off. My brother drove, and my sister-in-law and I sat in the back. My sister-in-law wanted to sleep soon; they had arrived at 4 a.m. and had been busy until noon. I wanted to hold my sister-in-law's hand and clasp her hands together. At first, she struggled a few times, but I eventually took her hand. My brother kept looking in the rearview mirror. I wanted to offer my arm as a pillow for her to be more comfortable, but she said it was too hot and refused, so I didn't succeed. So the three of us were in the car. My brother drove, and I tilted my head to smell my sister-in-law's hair, watching her close her eyes to sleep, and secretly kissing her forehead. I don't know why, but I had a particularly conflicted feeling towards her. I wanted to do something for her, but I couldn't bear to bother her. I showed her my gentlest side. I kept looking at my brother and then at my sister-in-law, and I wanted to touch my brother, but I didn't. Time flew by. They had to go back to their hometown and had to drop me off. I got off the bus without saying goodbye to my sister-in-law. I really wanted a farewell kiss, but I was afraid it would make me feel more attached. My older brother told me how to get to the station. I agreed and turned away, but just as the bus started moving, I couldn't help but look back. After getting on the bus, I asked again, "Is it convenient tonight? I don't want to walk." Because my elderly relative couldn't go, I had to go to the station. This gave me a hallucination, a fantasy that things could continue, that I could continue my dream—the kind of special love that ordinary people can't have! On September 69th, a friend suddenly told me that he had just met a single man who had asked my older brother and sister-in-law out and they had been in contact since the second half of 2018. That was what I considered the best time of my life, the year I thought we only had for each other. They mentioned a place name in their chat and thought it was the same couple. They exchanged names, and it turned out to be my older brother and sister-in-law. However, that place name has also become synonymous with my older brother and sister-in-law. This time, I feel both uncomfortable and relieved. Yes, I couldn't stop it all, and it all happened two years ago. What I don't understand is why, when I discovered L last year, I told my older brother about all my experiences, and he only mentioned L. I've dated four couples, and my older brother and sister-in-law, including myself, have had four single men. It would have been better if he had told me then than to make me go through this twice. And I only found out about this when I was just rekindling my hope. Moreover, from my conversations with two single men, I learned that they weren't interested in my dear older brother and sister-in-law; they were just playing around and would move on after the novelty wore off. Ever since I knew about L, I've imagined how they would play, how my sister-in-law would behave, and how my older brother would behave—what would be the difference between being with me and them? Now, knowing about the two single men has intensified this feeling. I finally understand my older brother's feelings—the reluctance to see the person he loves having sex with someone else, the feeling of losing them, mixed with excitement, wanting the person he loves to enjoy themselves, wanting to see their reaction—that contradictory psychology. I told my older brother that I knew about the two other single men. This time, I didn't make a scene or do anything drastic. My friend 69, who told me about this, said I was being too extreme; if we could meet, we should, and if not, I should find someone else. Actually, I'm not as obsessed with this game anymore. Although the J couple welcomes me, the only ones I was obsessed with have now reached the point where I can accept meeting them, but not meeting them is also acceptable. I'm waiting, waiting for my sister-in-law's birthday. If I can't forget them, I definitely won't forget her birthday. All I have to do is see if I can control myself on that day! This is my absurd experience—absurdly falling for a man and a woman, and enjoying the feeling of the three of us together, even wanting the three of us to become one. From someone who's had sex a few times, I've slowly become obsessed with this game, slowly become dependent on a couple, slowly gone through various psychological processes, slowly let go, slowly resigned myself to fate! I've been gambling—gambling on my career, gambling on my love, gambling on my feelings for them, gambling on their attitude towards me, which I don't even know if it's feelings or just their attitude. I once wanted to follow my heart, to develop a deeper relationship with them, to become family. Yes, I was too selfish, only considering myself and not whether they wanted it or not. So I've been troubled and tormented ever since. Some people are indescribable, but irreplaceable. Perhaps they gave me a feeling that no one else could at a specific time, and that's exactly what I wanted! Let nature take its course; there's no point in forcing things. "Those destined to meet will meet even from a thousand miles away; those not destined will remain strangers even face to face." Haha, saying this is the most helpless thing, because if I had the ability, I would definitely pursue and enjoy the process of giving my all for a goal! I want to thank J and his wife for their kindness. Perhaps I owe them a debt of gratitude from a past life, and I can't be wholeheartedly devoted to them. Where did my former self go? Was I really wrong before? Did I have to go through all this, becoming more worldly and accepting things I couldn't accept before? Before the New Year, I went to my sister-in-law's city for her birthday. They went back to their hometown. I waited outside the flower shop. I asked my brother if I needed to pick up the flowers first, and he said no. I originally thought we'd never see each other again, but he asked where I was, and I gave him my address. He came alone; my sister-in-law was home. He didn't tell her I was coming, nor did he seem to want her to see me. We chatted briefly, then my brother went home and told me to go back to work. So I started my journey back to work. At that moment, I didn't know what I was thinking. Whether we met or not seemed irrelevant, because I had already fulfilled my expectations. On my sister-in-law's birthday morning, I sent her a message wishing her a happy birthday. Everything seemed to end just like that. I barely spoke to my brother for several months, and the days passed by like that. On the way back, I texted my brother saying we wouldn't see each other again. He said that city was so small, there would definitely be a chance to meet again. I replied that I wouldn't go to that city again so easily. In March 2021, I passed through that city. After getting off the train, it was difficult to find a ride home. Suddenly, I remembered that my brother might have gone to my hometown that day. I asked him, and he said he wasn't going, so I took a different bus home. The next afternoon around 3 PM, my older brother posted his location—a hotel in my county. I didn't see it at first, but I saw it around 5 PM. It turned out my brother and sister-in-law had arrived in my county and had something to do around 7 PM. My brother said he posted his location immediately after checking in, and he knew I was home. So I went to see them. My sister-in-law was watching TV. I went over and hugged her, but she dodged and told me to just watch TV. We just sat together watching TV and chatting. During this time, I told my sister-in-law I went to her city for her birthday. She asked if I was going, and I said I was going to see her, haha. She asked why I hadn't seen her, and I said it was easy to see her; I could just go to her house. She didn't say anything more, so I told her she had blocked me on WeChat. Did she receive my birthday message? She said she received one, but didn't know who it was from. They didn't have time that night and went back early the next morning. I don't know why, but I really wanted to go with them, but my brother said he had to go back to his hometown, and maybe another time. Now I realize that some people, even if they have a chance later, never will! Seeing them rekindled my sexual desire, so I went back to work to see Brother J and Sister-in-law J. They are the people I want to see and can see anytime now. I saw them in the last post; this time, I slept with Brother J, and he came all the way home just to see me. They treat me like family, taking special care of me. In April, I only sent one message to my older brother, wanting to see them, but there was no reply! In May, I went to that city for a conference, hoping to see him, have drinks and dinner together, but he refused outright, without even a reason, and later stopped replying to my messages. I wandered around that city aimlessly for a whole afternoon, finally waiting for my best friend from high school to get off work so we could have dinner together and stay overnight. That day, passing by their house, I thought I saw Sister-in-law J; she seemed to be going home alone, but I didn't stop. That moment made me think, what difference does seeing them or not seeing them make? Some people you see and pretend not to know—what's the point? I don't know what kind of relationship we have, or what kind of feelings are involved. Every time I resolved not to see them, he would suddenly contact me to meet up. And every time I wanted to see them, he would become indifferent and unresponsive. This constant torment made me anxious and uncertain. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. The next day, on my way home, I deleted my older brother and my sister-in-law from WeChat. She had already blocked me on WeChat, but it was still on my friend list. A few days ago, I accidentally saw my older brother's WeChat and tried to contact him. It turned out he hadn't deleted me as a friend, but had blocked me directly. What I don't understand is how these people, who used to be like family, could become so distant. Did I disappoint them or even make them resentful? Now I neither chat nor have any interest in meeting up. I'm slowly returning to my own world. I don't know what my older brother is thinking. I was with them because I cared for and loved my sister-in-law. I wanted her to experience the love and affection of two men, both sexually and emotionally. There's a process involved in this; I've experienced it once...For a time, I was obsessed with it, eager to meet more people, and started looking for all sorts of people I could hook up with. But after a while, it became boring, and I started looking for something more exciting, like group sex or even more extreme things. What I really wanted was emotional connection. I wanted a stable, lasting relationship, like family, where we could also enjoy sex. The truth is, many relationships, once strained, can never go back to the way they were. They feel familiar, yet you can't hide the feeling of estrangement. Some people will leave you, and some are coming towards you. In the sea of people, there's you and me, meeting, getting to know each other, and figuring things out for one another.

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My experience and emotional journey into the industry

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