I love having sex with my cousin.

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Although I know that in most people's eyes, having a relationship with one's family, or incest, is immoral, and although I am mentally sound, I feel absolutely no guilt about having sex with my cousin, and I find it incredibly enjoyable whenever I think about it. This is a feeling I don't experience with other women. Perhaps not many people have had this kind of relationship with their sisters. But if they have, they should understand how I feel. I have no problem reading what I write as pornography, and I believe there are still kind-hearted people who are willing to believe it's based on my real experiences. Let
me first talk about my cousin. She's my uncle's daughter. Although she's my cousin, she's only two weeks older than me. We're both only children, and our older siblings are much younger than us. So, we've been playing together since childhood, eating and sleeping together. Our families joke that in the old society, they would definitely have made us get married. It's said that when I was little, I often declared that I wanted to marry my older cousin. It's really strange, though. I remember when we were both in junior high, when we understood things better, we slept together, me touching her face and her touching mine, sleeping head to head (we've always slept like this). Our family didn't say anything; they even said the siblings got along really well. My cousin was incredibly beautiful as a child, like a porcelain doll. Because my uncle and aunt were also quite good-looking, we used to go out hand-in-hand as kids. Although everyone joked that we were a young couple, my cousin never let me let go. So many years have passed, and that little porcelain doll has grown into a young woman. Her features are still delicate and beautiful. If there's one drawback, it's that my cousin isn't very tall; she's not even as tall as her parents. Standing next to me, it feels more like she's my younger sister. If my cousin were a little taller, she would definitely be considered a great beauty. But I don't mind her current height at all. Maybe it's because of her, but I now quite like petite girls or girls who are a little older than me (most of my girlfriends have met this criterion).
I wonder if her short stature is because she developed early. I think she started menstruating around third or fourth grade, and she even had a height comparison test that year. Enough of that rambling, let's get to the point and talk about how we got to that point. It probably started around the time she was going through puberty. What I remember most vividly is when her breasts were just starting to develop, I think they were about the size of two small wine glasses. One time, when we were sleeping together, I accidentally touched her breasts. They felt a little swollen and raised. The funny thing is, I didn't know anything about that kind of thing back then, and I even asked her if she'd been bitten by some insects. Looking back now, if I wasn't incredibly naive, it just means I was subconsciously a master at picking up girls, shamelessly touching someone's breasts while also being concerned about their health. Even though breasts that are just starting to develop are a little different from fully developed breasts, I still admire my own vivid imagination for connecting the bulge in her breasts with insect bites. It's been so long, and I've forgotten many details, but I can confirm that when I touched her breasts, she didn't resist at all. Although it was accidental, it seems like she deliberately let me touch them; at least she didn't explicitly refuse. Or perhaps it was a convenient excuse for me to comfort and treat the two insect bites she had.
Later, when I entered junior high, I started puberty, and naturally began to know those things. I was incredibly sexually frustrated at that time, a state that continues to this day. I think everyone who has gone through puberty can understand that burning desire. And many men can relate to the fact that teenagers often fantasize about the women around them. Even after entering junior high, although I still occasionally slept with my cousin, my family didn't say anything, and outwardly, nothing seemed to have changed. But what I was thinking was different from when I touched her breasts. I remember often touching her breasts and thighs while she was asleep in junior high, sometimes even kissing her. I was always very gentle and light, and my cousin was always sound asleep.
Although some things in junior high were pretty much over the top, our physical relationship didn't begin until after high school. I went to a top high school, while she went to an art school to study fine arts. So we saw each other less often. The summer after my first year of high school, my uncle went to another city for a construction project, and my aunt went with him to help manage the household. She was left to look after the house. Besides sometimes eating at my mother's relatives' house, she often came to my house for dinner, and I would take her home in the evening. That day, my parents were also on night shift, so I ate dinner early and took her home. It was only five or six o'clock when I got to her house. In summer, it gets dark late, and it was still very hot at five or six o'clock. As soon as she got home, she went to take a shower. Normally, I would have gone home after taking her, but that day it was still early, and most importantly, there were no adults at either house. Especially since the weather was so hot, a surge of heat welled up inside me. While she was showering, I secretly took her underwear from her washing machine and smelled it. Looking back, I think it must have been the smell of a woman's private parts, but at the time, it was truly shocking. I remember she was wearing a white nightgown when she came out of the shower; it was a very provocative dress, so thin you could vaguely see her white underwear underneath. When she saw me, she asked why I hadn't left yet. I told her I was going to take a shower because it was hot, and we were both quite comfortable in each other's homes. She didn't think much of it and agreed, so I went to shower too. When I came out, she was already in bed watching TV. I was sitting on the bed watching TV. In the later part of junior high, especially after starting high school, we had fewer and fewer opportunities to sleep together. So, as we sat there watching TV, the air suddenly became very awkward. I suddenly turned off the TV and said I was bored and wanted to sleep, so I lay down on the bed. I took the opportunity to say, "Anyway, my parents aren't coming back tonight, so I'll just stay here with you." She closed her eyes and said, "Whatever." Then I lay down next to her. We seemed to have a tacit understanding. She quickly fell asleep and stopped talking. Then, I naturally started to touch her. First, of course, I touched her face, then stroked her ears, hair, and neck, testing her reaction while gradually moving deeper. This time, I not only touched her breasts smoothly, but also boldly moved my hand from her thigh to near the base of her thigh for the first time. At this point, she made a symbolic resistance, pretending to turn over and fall asleep with her back against me. But I took this opportunity to unhook her bra and then hugged her from behind, grabbing one breast in each hand. While I was fondling her breasts, I put my head to her neck, bit her ear, blew into it, and licked her neck and face. She clearly started to react; her body began to writhe, I couldn't tell if it was a struggle or something else. My hand reached down again. Although she kept her legs tightly closed, after several attempts, I finally managed to pull down her panties. Although she was still wearing that nightgown, I had stripped her naked underneath. I started trying to use the techniques I had learned from porn and the moves I had fantasized about countless times. Although it seems clumsy now, she still offered some token resistance, but secretly she had begun to clumsily respond to me. One hand caressed her breasts, while the other roamed around her genitals, inching closer to that mysterious area. When my hand finally reached that area, I found it was already soaking wet. I started stroking her clitoris with my fingers. Her body gradually changed from writhing to trembling. When I laid her flat on her side, she had given up resisting. Her body was limp, with only her chest heaving with her frantic breathing. I pinned my cousin down, and under the pointless cover of her nightgown, I frantically forced my penis into her. That was our first time. I don't want to describe it too much, because like many people's first time, it was a failure. I made her bleed. We both woke up in shock. I hurriedly pulled out, and we were both stunned by the blood. My cousin cried, and I ran away. Although we roughly knew about things like the hymen, we never imagined it would be so terrifying. But thinking about it, it's possible that our hymen wasn't just physical; it could also be interpreted as a spiritual or moral barrier. That's why breaking that barrier scared us so much.
My cousin didn't come to my house for a long time after that. I was on tenterhooks, worrying about this and that, but I didn't dare to go to her. Fortunately, a few days later, a miracle happened. My cousin came to my house for dinner again. She told my parents that she had gone to her aunt's house for a few days, and it seemed like nothing had happened. My heart, which had been pounding in my throat, finally calmed down a little. That day, my parents were working the night shift again. After my cousin saw them off with a smile, she suddenly stopped smiling and said to me seriously, "I should really make your parents pay for everything you did, and let them beat you to death. How could you do something like that to your sister? What if people find out, especially your family?" At that moment, although I thought to myself, "I've been touching you like that, and you've always acquiesced, haven't you? I do want to sleep with you, but you probably want me to sleep with you too, right?" But after she said that, I became scared and didn't know what to do. My cousin saw my stunned expression and burst out laughing again, saying, "You little rascal, it still hurts down there. By the way, this is a secret between the two of us, you have to promise not to tell anyone, or I'll cut it off!" (Sister, I'm sorry, I couldn't help but say it anyway.) I quickly agreed. She was silent for a while, then suddenly said, seemingly casually, "It's so hot, I want to take a shower." After saying that, she ran to my bathroom to shower. After she finished, she called out to me from the bathroom, "Hey, what am I going to do if I don't bring any change of clothes?" Hearing this, that long-suppressed feeling of heat surged into my chest again. I said, "Wait a minute," pretending to go find her some clothes, but actually I took the opportunity to strip naked and rushed into the bathroom. Although we used to bathe together when we were little, we hadn't done it since. Now, the only image in my mind and before my eyes was that of my mature cousin, radiating a youthful allure. We didn't say a word to each other; after a few seconds of frozen silence, two naked, fully developed individuals embraced and kissed passionately in the bathroom. This was our first kiss, our so-called "first kiss," and I never imagined it would be like this. After a while of playful fighting in the bathroom, we hurriedly dried ourselves off and ran naked to my room to resume what we had done before. Although I ejaculated quickly this time, and it seemed to hurt when she penetrated me, my secret relationship with my cousin was established.
That summer, my cousin and I were completely immersed in this physical intimacy. Both our parents were at work during the day, so at home, my husband and I were like dry wood meeting a raging fire. We made love almost every day during that period, and our skills improved rapidly. We explored more and more positions and methods—on the bed, on the sofa, at the dining table, in the living room, in the bathroom, and even sometimes in the nearby woods when it wasn't convenient at home (although it felt exciting, it wasn't as comfortable as doing it at home). That summer, we made love almost every day, our minds filled with thoughts of each other's bodies. Looking back, we were really crazy back then. At first, I often ejaculated as soon as I penetrated, and it was always inside. Later, she started to remember her safe period, and she would only allow me to ejaculate inside during her safe period; otherwise, she would let me ejaculate outside. We never considered any contraception because we were only in high school and neither of us dared to buy condoms. Despite all that, we didn't get pregnant. Looking back, we were incredibly lucky. But it was pretty crazy back then. Although I tried to ejaculate outside, I still preferred to ejaculate inside her. For me, it wasn't just about physical pleasure, but also a kind of spiritual pleasure that crossed moral boundaries. Every time I saw this naked girl in front of me, whether she was being pressed down by me with her legs spread apart and moaning in rhythm with my thrusts, or when she was lying in front of me like a dog with her butt sticking out but couldn't help turning her head to look at me fucking her, or when her petite body was riding on me and moving up and down in rhythm with my penis. Each time, I subconsciously combined the sensual scene unfolding before my eyes, the waves of pleasure from the rapid movements between my mind and body, and the moral consciousness teetering on the edge of sin—God, this girl moaning and groaning in a daze as I fuck her is my cousin! My sister is fucking me, being fucked by me! This mental state catalyzed the waves of physical pleasure, leaving me in a state of dazed confusion, half-drunk and half-awake. Every time I consciously or unconsciously thought, 'I'm fucking my cousin,' I felt a strange excitement. Every time, I would reach orgasm with this feeling, especially when I ejaculated inside her, the excitement reached its maximum. In fact, I clearly realized that she was also immersed in the sexual excitement catalyzed by the guilt of being fucked by her cousin, unable to extricate herself. After a while, she experienced orgasm. We were so engrossed in it that our family never found out, which shows that adults can be quite careless sometimes. But who would have thought that siblings would do something like this? What started as a family joke has now become a reality; my cousin and I, siblings, are doing what husband and wife do.
My cousin first gave me oral sex when she was on her period. At first, it was just for emergencies, but after a few times, her technique improved so much that once, before we could even have intercourse, she had already brought me to climax. I increasingly enjoyed having her give me oral sex, sometimes even more than actual intercourse. Whenever she gave me oral sex, I would sit on the sofa or lie on the bed, and she would kneel in front of me. I always made her tie her hair up because I particularly liked this downward angle. Maybe my thoughts in this regard are different from others, but watching my cousin kneeling and sucking me, the mental sense of conquest combined with the feeling of being conquered by her mouth was incredibly wonderful. Although the excitement I felt while having sex with my cousin might seem unbelievable to most people, it turns out she's no slouch in this area. Just like how she quickly experienced orgasm (my current girlfriend has never had one, which shows how significant the differences are in women's sexual sensitivities), she quickly found the techniques to make me feel like I was in heaven. I often jokingly refer to her as "a master of oral sex in the capital," borrowing a phrase from an ancient text I learned. This description of her oral sex skills is perfectly apt. Having watched many pornographic films featuring oral sex, I can clearly sense that my cousin's technique is exceptional. Unlike some AV actresses who don't put in the effort with their mouths, only sucking on the glans a couple of times and then just using their hands to masturbate, my cousin is the best at this kind of so-called oral sex. Although she often holds my penis with her hands, when she gives me oral sex, she uses only her mouth. Whether it's licking the glans, sucking the middle of my penis with her lips, or holding my testicles in her mouth, every step can be described as professional and precise. What's most professional is that she can be very sensitive to when I feel like I'm about to ejaculate. Every time this happens, she deliberately speeds up the frequency of her oral sex. The sizzling sound of her saliva while sucking and her moaning also increase with the frequency. In the end, no matter how much I ejaculate or how messy it is, she can catch every drop with her mouth and continue to give me oral sex with the semen in her mouth for a while until I completely go limp before spitting out the semen in her mouth. (Initially, she sometimes swallowed too much semen, saying it would get stuck in her throat and feel uncomfortable, so she would catch it in her mouth and spit it out.) Her self-taught skill level can only be explained by talent. But what I like most is when she does deepthroating me. My cousin is petite, with a small mouth, and I still can't believe how she can take my entire penis in one go. Because if she took it all in, the glans would be pressing against her throat. She would often unconsciously hum, and that soft, whimpering sound would create a subtle vibration in her mouth, completely enveloping my penis. The tingling sensation from that vibration is truly indescribable. (You won't know the wonder unless you experience it yourself. If you have the chance, you should definitely have your girlfriend do it for you. It's simple: have her hold your penis in her mouth, but not tightly; leave some space.) (Give her some space, then let her moan and groan, or talk, or sing. The only thing to note is that her lips must be tightly sealed while she's sucking the rod. I believe anyone who's tried it will love the pleasure.) After my cousin found out I liked this, she deliberately teased me by slowly sucking from the base of my penis to the glans, intentionally or unintentionally making a few moaning sounds as she sucked, along with the hissing sound of her saliva. And the way she looked up at me while sucking, with that slightly provocative, mischievous look in her eyes—a look that was both playful and innocent, or perhaps pitifully pure—as if to say, "How about it, can't take it anymore?" Or perhaps, "Oh my god, what are you making me do?" Just reminiscing about those scenes is so vivid and memorable.
The sight and sound, combined with her constant stream of new tricks, often made me surrender quickly. To retaliate against this, I would slowly work on her afterwards. Since I had already ejaculated once, she wouldn't ejaculate again no matter what I did inside her. Although I was very vigorous when I was close to orgasm, I was very particular about the method before that. First, I would use my hands and mouth to make her produce more lubrication. This process helped her get into the mood so that she could orgasm more easily after penetration, and it also gave my penis a chance to catch its breath. This process took a lot of time, and each time I would tease her until she couldn't take it anymore and would grab my penis and try to insert it into her vagina. I'm very particular about rhythm when I'm doing it. If I just go at it haphazardly, I'll ejaculate in a few strokes. This happened quite often at the beginning, but later I mastered the trick: the speed should vary, and the thrusting should be gentle, allowing my penis to fully awaken, so that every inch of its skin can feel the gentle embrace inside her vagina. Occasionally, I'll add some slightly rougher movements, making her fully aware that her vagina is being filled and stretched, and that I'm fucking her. When we're doing the doggy style, I also like to play with her clitoris with one hand while I'm doing it. This angle fully opens the clitoris, and it's easy to reach from behind, unlike the missionary position, so it doesn't affect my thrusting at all. Speaking of missionary, I don't like the simpler kind. I usually spread my cousin's legs up, raising them into a high V-shape, so that she can clearly see her vagina opening and closing as my penis goes in and out. Just as oral sex was my cousin's way of conquering me, the act of intercourse symbolized my conquest of her.
We pretended to be ordinary siblings, and in our parents' eyes, we were still obedient and well-behaved children. But what happened in the fields was something no one expected. My cousin was incredibly meticulous; no matter how wild we were, she would always thoroughly destroy any suspicious evidence afterward. And although we were wild, we only did it when we were absolutely sure no one from our family would be around. Thankfully, my uncle's family was busy with their business and work, and they were often away on business trips, which allowed my cousin to be independent and also gave us precious time to be together. We grew up together, and my parents treated her like their own daughter. She often came to our house, but unless both my parents were at work, she generally tried to avoid having sex there. So, we started during the summer vacation after our first year of high school, and our second year was the year we did it the most. I remember that during holidays, if no one was home, we were always having sex. During the school year, if her family wasn't home on weekends, we'd seize the opportunity to enjoy our tryst. Of course, her family wasn't always home on weekends, so sometimes we couldn't do it for two or three weeks. In those situations, we sometimes went outside, sometimes to the woods, and sometimes even in the classroom. But doing it outside was never safe, so we tried to do it at home without being caught. The most dangerous time was when my aunt was cooking downstairs, and my cousin was giving me oral sex upstairs. Right after I ejaculated, my aunt called us to dinner, and she had to swallow her mouthful of semen. We both pretended to be calm and went downstairs to eat. If my aunt had come upstairs to call us, we might have been discovered. I still clearly remember that moment when our eyes met during dinner, and we exchanged a knowing smile. During
my second year of high school, because of my affair with my cousin, all I could think about was finding opportunities or ways to avoid being caught. I felt like we were professional spies. Of course, with all my attention focused on this, my grades naturally dropped. My sister majored in art, so her poor art grades weren't a big deal. My grades were only average to begin with, but after they dropped, my family was extremely worried. They asked me what the reason was, and I lied and said the teacher's lectures were bad and I couldn't understand them. My family then used their connections to get me into a cram school. Seeing how hard everyone in the cram school was studying, I suddenly realized that if I didn't work hard, I would become one of them next year. An invisible pressure suddenly hit me. After entering my senior year of high school, I talked to my cousin after we had sex and told her about my concerns. She thought for a moment and said, "Don't come to me as much as possible in the future. No matter what, you still have to think about our future." Indeed, we did very little in our senior year. That year, I really studied like crazy, and as a result, my grades improved. To be honest, although what we did could only be called incest, we were both pretty smart (otherwise, we couldn't have kept it a secret for so long, and two teenagers could have taught themselves such advanced sexual techniques). The academic pressure was immense at the time. Sometimes I couldn't take it anymore and would run to her. Sometimes she would let me have sex, but most of the time she only gave me oral sex. If it weren't for my cousin, I probably would have been driven crazy by the academic pressure. In our senior year of high school, we planned to go to the same city, like Beijing, Shanghai, or Guangzhou, a place where she could go to a good art school and I could find a good school too. I fantasized about living in the same city as my cousin, where we could secretly rent a place and build our love nest, and date normally like any other couple in front of others, without worrying about being discovered like we did at home.
Unfortunately, things didn't go as planned. Although we both got into university, I went to a city in the north, and she went to the south. Although we kept in touch through letters, the only time we could actually have sex was when we went back to our hometowns during holidays. So most of the time, I felt like we were like the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl, only seeing each other a few times a year. I especially missed the period from the summer after my first year of high school to the summer after my second year. During that time, all my longing could only be expressed through letters. A few days before the May Day holiday, during my second semester of freshman year, my cousin suddenly called to say she was coming to visit my city. This unexpected surprise delighted me. I quickly rented a room near the university. Although renting a room outside would cost at least a month's rent, and my cousin could only stay with me for a week, I felt that the dream I had cherished during my arduous senior year of high school was finally, to some extent, coming true. After settling into the room, I endured the agonizing days leading up to the holiday. My cousin took a day-long train ride to the city where my university was located. During the May Day holiday, many students who lived nearby went home, and my cousin and I were like a couple deeply in love after a long separation, spending every day together without feeling tired. We stayed in the room every day, as if we didn't want to waste even a second of our time together. We would often get up, grab a bite to eat, wash up, and start our day. We'd go at it hard in the morning, until we were both exhausted, then fall asleep naked, head to head, embracing tightly, just like before. After waking up, we'd get up and continue. This time, after we finished, our stomachs, filled with love, finally started growling. I'd take her to a nice, romantic place in our city for our only proper meal of the day. We'd often feed each other bites. To others, we were just an ordinary couple deeply in love. After dinner, I liked her to link arms with me like a couple and stroll around town, or walk on other university campuses (we avoided our own school to avoid running into acquaintances). Even so, we'd still run into people we knew in the city, even if they were just classmates from other departments we'd only exchanged greetings with. I still felt a little uneasy, but she greeted him openly. When he joked that I was lucky with women, she just smiled and didn't comment, as if she'd tacitly agreed. After dark, we returned to our love nest. After making love one last time that night, we were both exhausted and fell asleep in each other's arms until dawn. In the last few days before she left, I took her to a tourist spot near us. Although it was May Day, it wasn't crowded at this local tourist spot. We were just like any other couple in love, staying in a hotel and sightseeing together. There was a famous spot at that tourist spot where lovers could tie love locks together. My cousin and I bought one, with our names engraved on it and the words "love forever." I think that lock is still there now.
Even with all our efforts, we only get to see each other during a few holidays throughout the year. Finally, unable to bear the loneliness any longer, I tricked a girl from the next class, known as the most beautiful girl in our department, into becoming my girlfriend during my sophomore year. Of course, it took a lot of effort and money at first. But honestly, most freshmen and sophomores in college, while they might have many rosy dreams like Prince Charming, are really quite naive and shallow when it comes to sex. Although we're about the same age and in appearance, because of my experience with my cousin, I'm particularly perceptive in my thinking, especially in my ability to observe people. When I was pursuing her, I was the one who doted on her. After I won her over, I had her completely under my thumb with almost no effort. She's my current girlfriend. I used all the skills I used on my cousin on her, teaching her to give me oral sex using my cousin's methods. Although her oral skills are now quite good, and our sex life is relatively harmonious, strangely, she hasn't had an orgasm yet, at least not with the intense and obvious reaction of my cousin's. While I was having sex with her, I often fantasized about having sex with my cousin. My girlfriend later admitted that she was originally quite upright and innocent, but I had turned her into what she is now. Although in everyone's eyes she is the kind of cute and well-behaved girl who excels in both academics and conduct, she is actually very lewd at heart. She will give oral sex if she wants, and she will give anal sex if she wants (although I told her that I also gave her my virginity, in fact, I only gave her my first time anal sex). We have even done it in small movie theaters and karaoke rooms. She seems to be quite satisfied with my performance. For so many years, she has been devoted to me, which makes many male classmates in our school still envious and angry.
During the summer vacation of my junior year, I brought my girlfriend home. My parents were of course happy that I brought such a beautiful girlfriend home, but I was most worried that my cousin would be unhappy. However, to my surprise, she was very kind to my girlfriend. Perhaps because they look and have somewhat similar personalities, they quickly became good friends and went shopping together. I became their little follower, carrying their bags. During the time she stayed at my house, I tried to find opportunities to have sex with my cousin, but she refused. She felt that girls her age would be more perceptive in this regard than their parents' generation. Later, after I took her home, she finally allowed me to have sex with her. We were incredibly passionate during that period. She would often casually ask me about my girlfriend, and during sex, she would suddenly and provocatively ask me how she compared to my girlfriend, and who I liked more. Although my cousin and I both understood that even if we had an affair for life, we could never truly be together. She would definitely get married, and I would definitely find someone to marry. She was actually much more mature and stable than me in this respect, but a woman's heart is something you can never truly understand. Regarding my bringing my girlfriend home, I could sense her complex feelings of jealousy, anger, and helplessness. I think she also hoped I would find a good partner, since our relationship couldn't last. However, she was also very conflicted. I could sense that she didn't want to give me to another woman. It was this complex and contradictory mindset that made our sex life even more intense and passionate. This state of ecstasy, which can only be described as heavenly, is something only my cousin and I can experience. In our
senior year of college, she told me she had found a boyfriend. It seemed that the guy had been pursuing her, but she only agreed to date him after I brought my girlfriend home. It was then that I truly understood the complex and contradictory mindset of being unable to change the fact yet unwilling to accept it. She and her boyfriend dated for less than a year in their senior year because my aunt thought the guy wasn't good enough and broke them up. However, my cousin didn't seem to have much regret. My aunt intended to recruit a handsome young man from her company as her husband. The young man was doing quite well at my uncle's company, seemed to be good at interpersonal relationships, and was very considerate to my cousin. That's how my aunt brought the two of them together. My cousin got engaged last year and will probably get married soon. The guy seems quite ambitious; he travels a lot for work with my uncle. Although I didn't work locally after graduation, my workplace isn't far from home, so I can sometimes take a bus home on weekends. Actually, seeing my parents is secondary; my main reason is to see my dear cousin. After graduating with an art degree, my cousin couldn't find a decent job. She works odd jobs at her parents' company, just hanging up a sign and collecting a salary. Basically, she's a stay-at-home mom. Over the years, she's transformed from a young girl into a more mature woman.
Now, when we're having an affair, sometimes I ask her who's better, me or my husband, and she turns around and asks me who's better, her or my girlfriend. It's obvious, though; the reason we've been risking our relationship for so many years is because we're so inseparable. We're not only incredibly compatible physically, but we also deeply love each other spiritually. My childhood dream of marrying my cousin is now impossible, but she's the only woman I truly love. This love is suppressed by societal norms and distorted by various complex emotions, yet it only fuels our passionate and uncontrollable attraction. Now, my cousin uses birth control pills, and she always wants me to ejaculate inside her. Although we can't have children no matter how many times we do it, I feel that she yearns for my child on some spiritual level. Even though we might only be able to have sex a few times a month now, that's what makes it all the more precious. When we do it, we still choose absolutely safe times and places (nowadays we mostly go to hotels), and then we give ourselves completely, reaching that ecstatic state that only we can achieve when we're together.
Our plan is that after she gets married, and I get married too, we'll have her get pregnant around the same time as my girlfriend, hoping our children will be born around the same time. I've always wanted to write this down, but when I try to put pen to paper, my thoughts become tangled. Even though I've written so much, many things remain unclear and unexpressed. Many readers may still struggle to understand the mindset behind incest with their cousin, but we no longer care about such notions. Our love is expressed, released, and elevated through our incestuous sexual acts. I'm already fantasizing about my pregnant cousin sitting on me and making love, about her breastfeeding while I suckle from her other breast, about us secretly making love while the baby sleeps beside us—all of this will soon become a reality. I'll
reach that ecstatic state that only I can achieve with her .

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I love having sex with my cousin.

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