My blissful life as an educated youth

page views:1 Publication date:2023-08-01 08:12:29

Foreword To be
honest
, I've had my share of troubles in this life, a constant stream of ups and downs. Sigh! What can I say, my fate is just not good enough.
However
, having avoided all the hardships and troubles, life has generally gone on peacefully. No great wealth or fame, no dramatic ups and downs, just an ordinary person, really. Speaking like an ordinary person, doing ordinary things.
Unexpectedly
, decades have passed in the blink of an eye, and I honestly don't know how I've lived through them. You know, as you get older, you often think about the past. Remembering funny things from before can make you laugh non-stop, and recalling thrilling moments can give you goosebumps. They're really vivid in your mind. You say it's quite interesting to think about your youth. I wonder if this is what children call "nostalgia." Actually, this "nostalgia" is just lamenting how fast time flies. Before I could even savor the feeling, it was over. "Nostalgia" is just a reminder to live more carefully in the days to come. Otherwise, before I know it, I'll be "buried in peace." It will be too late to regret it then, don't you think?
(
I)
When
I was little, I was always sick. Tuberculosis and lymph node tuberculosis lingered in my body for a long time, preventing me from running and playing with other children my age, climbing roofs and trees. I spent my days at home drinking unknown bitter medicine, and my illness never improved; in fact, it got worse. My wounds wouldn't heal, constantly oozing pus and blood, and I always had a cloth wrapped around my head, looking just like Onion Head from "The Adventures of Cipollino." Nobody wanted to talk to me; they thought I smelled bad and was dirty. But could I really blame myself?
I
didn't want to be like this; it was just that my body wasn't very strong. Finally, my father sold his watch to buy me Western medicine for tuberculosis, and my illness gradually improved. I often hear people say, "Those who survive a great calamity are destined for good fortune," and I wish that were true. I don't ask for good fortune, just to avoid misfortune. I don't dare dream of windfalls; I just hope I don't get hit by falling bricks. You know, I'm definitely not good at fighting, and I'm not good at arguing or talking. My first priority is to stay away from trouble and avoid getting hurt. I always put myself in a very safe position, and I don't need to think about anything else. Gradually, being cautious and prudent in dealing with things, and trying things out, became my philosophy of life. Don't let this fool you; I'm quite ambitious. A greenhorn like me always thinks he's destined for great things, always thinks he'll succeed right away. He just hasn't tried yet. But when it comes to actually trying, I'll have to wait and see. Not that I'm being unreasonable, but I don't think it's necessary. This isn't the kind of behavior that's based on the same principles inside and out. My motto has always been: "Don't do things that harm others without benefiting yourself, do as few things as possible that don't harm others without benefiting yourself, and do as many things as possible that benefit yourself without harming others." Even so, in the end, I've never done anything that harms others for personal gain, and I've never encountered anything that benefits myself without harming others. I've lived my whole life without truly understanding it. Well, so be it if I haven't understood it. It's not a big deal, as long as I'm true to my conscience. I've rambled on for so long, without saying anything serious. Alright, let's get back to the point. What would you like to hear about
?
(II)
Joining
the army was the dream of young people in the 1960s. Military green was the most fashionable color. If someone could wear a military uniform and stroll down the street, they would be the envy of everyone. Whether it was a blessing or not, I don't know at all, but I somehow ended up becoming a soldier. When I received the notification, I couldn't believe it was real. I pinched my flesh—ouch, it hurt. It couldn't be fake. "Haha—, I, Uncle Hu, have joined the army! I, Uncle Hu, can join the army too!" I shouted at the wall when no one was around.
Oh , you mean my body is up to the task ?
Ever since I recovered from my illness, I wouldn't call myself a calf, but I'm always full of energy. I passed the physical exam without any trouble. I should say I'm all right now! After receiving the transfer order, I packed my bags and went to report for duty without even taking a hat. I thought, "The sooner I put on my uniform, the sooner I'll be 'cool'." There's nothing better than that. But I never expected that after less than two months in the army, the entire regiment would be deployed to the countryside to participate in the Socialist Education Movement. The destination was a mountainous area in Shandong. The women were in the plains, while we men went to the remote mountain valleys. Imagine, a pampered soldier from a big city—Beijing—suddenly ending up in a remote mountain valley. What a contrast! Even with my body submerged in the water, I couldn't keep my ears hanging on—there was nothing I could do. During the training camp , the work team explicitly required all members to eat, live, and work alongside the villagers. Our squad leader led me to a small village called the Sixth Team of Huangqian Brigade, Mata Commune. But upon entering the village, we encountered a problem. The village had twelve households: one rich peasant, one well-to-do middle peasant, two middle peasants, and the rest were poor peasants. Normally, relying on the poor peasants in a village is a matter of course. But not in our village. Our poor peasants had all joined the returning militia during the War of Resistance. We had no one to rely on. We were helpless. The squad leader and I could only live in the livestock shed, where we stayed for almost half a year. During the day, we worked with the villagers, and at night we held village-wide meetings, the purpose of which was to mobilize the masses to thoroughly investigate the power holders in those teams that were taking the capitalist road. I was responsible for convening the meetings; notifying the villagers to hold meetings wasn't difficult. Gathering a meeting of our villagers was no easy task. The twelve households lived on a mountain ridge; it took over an hour to walk from the foot of the ridge to the top during the day, let alone at night. Our village had no electricity, so the villagers would go to bed as soon as it got dark to save lamp oil. It was a habit passed down from their ancestors. Remarkably, not a single family in the village kept a dog, probably to avoid disturbing their sleep. After a long day, everyone finally arrived, and soon our livestock shed was filled with the sound of snoring. After a long day, the villagers would immediately fall asleep wherever they lay down. If you didn't adjourn the meeting, they would definitely stay up until dawn. You had to wake one up for another to fall asleep. Sigh, where did their awareness go? There was no way to stop it. Before entering the village, each member of the work team received a copy of Liu Shaoqi's "On the Self-Cultivation of Communist Party Members," saying that we should study it diligently in our work and put it into practice. The principle is to behave the same whether someone is around or not, inside or outside the room, with or without a leader. That's called "self-discipline in solitude." Oh, right, there's no "behaving the same inside or outside." I say, this is cultivation; when you cultivate to a certain point, you'll become an "expert." Let's just recite the "scriptures," it's definitely right. Anyway, there are no distorted scriptures, only monks who recite them incorrectly. We work during the day and have meetings at night, and that's how the days go by. The worst part is the meals. When we first arrived, we were given two pancakes per meal. Holding them in our hands, they were dry and crumbled at the slightest touch—just two pieces of paper !

It tastes sour and sour, and you can't even swallow it without some water; it feels like eating paper. But if you saw how this pancake is made, you'd "like" it even more. First, you slice the sweet potato and dry it. When you want to eat it, you grind it into powder, mix it with water to form a paste, and then sun-dry it. When it starts bubbling, it's ready to use. To make it, you wipe the griddle (what we call a pancake pan) with a greasy cloth, pour a spoonful of paste onto it, and scrape it off with a spatula—that's it! However, they usually only make it once a month; otherwise, how could it be as thin as paper? Apparently, it's to save firewood. Eating it gave me mouth ulcers, probably from dehydration and lack of nutrition. But I actually survived, and it even gave me a strong set of teeth. No bragging, I can bite through a twenty-page book in one go! Really! You don't believe me? "Xiao Hu, I'll be visiting everyone tonight, I'll be back late, so don't wait for me, go to sleep early." One day, the squad leader said to me, "Really! No meeting today? Okay. I'm so sleepy I can barely stand up. I've been wanting to get a good night's sleep for ages, thank you so much!" I excitedly put down my backpack again and replied.
"
Then get some sleep. Get enough rest so you can continue the revolution," the squad leader said, and walked out the door. When
I
opened my eyes the next morning, the squad leader's bed was still empty. I had no idea when he came back or when he left. He must have been fast asleep. I didn't see the squad leader for several days. They hadn't assigned us any tasks, and I didn't know where they were working, so I had to give myself a day off. Honestly, I hadn't rested since I arrived in the village. I should get a good night's sleep first. After I've had enough sleep, I'll go out for a walk, or maybe take some dirty clothes to the ravine to wash. Oh right, we can't ignore the squad leader's dirty clothes. I went back to the livestock shed and took them down too. Heh heh, I don't know when I learned to flatter. As I was thinking this, I habitually rummaged through my pockets, and a soft little plastic bag fell to the ground with the contents. "What's this?" I muttered to myself. I carefully picked it up and saw that the little plastic bag had the words "Condom" printed on it. "Oh my god!" I exclaimed. My heart was pounding in my throat, as if I had stolen this damn thing. Luckily, the clothes hadn't been thrown into the water. I looked around to make sure no one was watching, picked up the squad leader's dirty clothes, and ran back to the livestock shed. I threw the clothes on the squad leader's bed and sat there panting heavily. "What's going on? How did things belonging to the two of them end up here? The squad leader's wife didn't come here either. Since she didn't come here, these things definitely weren't for her. It's strange. Our squad leader is an old Bolshevik; he couldn't possibly have made such a mistake. It must have fallen on him during the family planning campaign. There's no doubt about it." But at the time, I was completely dumbfounded. Looking back now, it's not a big deal, but it's a bit hard for a married man. Holding it in for almost half a year, when you can't hold it in anymore, you have to find a way to release the pent-up desire, but you don't want to cause any more trouble. Whatever can draw out the pus is the best remedy. I've kept this little secret for decades. I've never told anyone. And look, you found out without me even noticing.
The
old saying about "being cautious in solitude" has a cautionary effect on everyone. "Cultivation" can't proceed without real fire; without burning for forty-nine days, without reaching the right level of intensity, you can't expect to become an "immortal." Besides, an ordinary person is just an ordinary person; worldly desires are impossible to eradicate. "Women are tigers. Men really can't live without tigers, they just think about tigers all the time. Even the strongest will can be shaken by a 'tiger'!" At the time, I was completely baffled. From then on, I started paying attention to the "tiger." Gradually, I noticed that our landlady (haha... let's keep calling her landlady) was washing her face. Isn't that surprising? Washing your face isn't a big deal in the city, but it's quite a feat in our village. Water has to be carried back from several miles away, and villagers generally don't wash their faces. So, we were used to our landlady's unwashed, unkempt appearance. It was quite a surprise to see her suddenly wash her face, and she was so clean, even the back of her ears was spotless, and she even had some powder on her face—it smelled wonderful! Wow! That made it even more surprising. Looking closely at our landlady, she looked to be only twenty-five or twenty-six. Her face was rosy and fair, quite pretty. Her slender eyes had a touch of allure, and her mouth was well-shaped. She had a dimple on her right cheek, and when she smiled, she revealed a set of perfectly white teeth, a rarity in the countryside. These days, although she wore thick, coarse cotton trousers, she walked with a swaying gait, her steps light and quick. She couldn't help but laugh when spinning thread, her face flushed. What was wrong with me? I stared blankly at the landlady. "What are you doing?" the squad leader kicked me and asked. "Oh, I mean, country folk aren't all that bad-looking, are they?" I replied absentmindedly.
The
squad leader glared at me, a look I still remember. In the middle of the night, I often heard the landlady laughing "giggle, giggle..." coming from her room. "Squad leader, you say the landlady's family doesn't even have enough to eat, what's she laughing about all day?" I casually asked the squad leader one day. "Who's laughing?" the squad leader asked. "The landlady, of course," I replied. The squad leader looked at me in surprise.
"
I keep hearing the landlady laughing in her room in the middle of the night, 'cluck, cluck...' for some reason," I replied. "Really...you really heard that? Don't talk nonsense," the squad leader said, then stared at the oil lamp for a long time without speaking. His expression was strange. "What's wrong, Squad Leader?" I asked. "Nothing, nothing..." the squad leader replied.
I
knew I had asked a question I shouldn't have, so I wisely lay down and didn't say anything more. The landlady's laughter subsided somewhat; the squad leader had told her it wasn't happening. But it still happened every few days, either in the main room or the woodshed. "I'll see what's so funny that makes you so happy in the middle of the night," I muttered as I turned over and fell asleep again.
Since
then, I've been more easily startled in my sleep, and when I turn over, I even check if the squad leader is in his bed. It's really inexplicable. During the land reform
,
in our area, besides distributing land and valuables to landlords and wealthy people, nuns were also distributed to nunneries. Young people received young nuns, and older people received older nuns plus a young nun. The reason was that the elderly poor peasants and nuns couldn't support themselves, and the young nuns could help, so a young nun was added on top of that. Do you know what this "nuns" thing was like? Well, not just anyone could become a nun. The nunnery first had to see if the girl was pretty, or as they put it, whether she had "Buddhist affinity." Actually, who cares about "Buddhist affinity"? Everyone wanted to take in pretty girls. If you were chosen, you could enter the nunnery. First, you did chores: carrying water, chopping firewood, planting vegetables, and cleaning the courtyard. When you grew to seventeen or eighteen, a beautiful and vibrant young woman, they would start recruiting "outsiders." This meant the local gentry would pay the girls to "deflower" them, and they had to get pregnant. If she doesn't conceive, she'll try again until she does. Only after pregnancy and childbirth can she shave her head and become a nun. The child, naturally, is taken away. In their words, "Having endured worldly hardships, her worldly desires are extinguished." This makes sense; think about it, having experienced all that worldly stuff, it's only right and proper to wholeheartedly devote oneself to Buddhism. This is why nuns who returned to secular life in the past couldn't "remain chaste," their worldly desires remained. Instead, they developed a more casual attitude towards life. Social customs are hard to change, and this has been passed down from generation to generation. But then again, young nuns, when they grow up, want to get married, but finding a husband is difficult. This place is poor; even strong young men can't support themselves, let alone afford wives. The young nuns have to find their own way, and sometimes, things can easily escalate into something serious. However, such things are nothing unusual in our area. Our landlady is one of the descendants of these nuns
.
As the movement deepened, the original production team leader was dismissed, making the selection of a new production team leadership crucial. Our landlord naturally became our first choice, but he was classified as a middle peasant—wasn't that a waste of effort? Changing class status was an impossible task. But believe it or not, through the efforts of the squad leader, the work team finally changed the landlord's class status to lower-middle peasant, who became our reliable support. There's a song that goes, "Poor peasants and lower-middle peasants are of one heart..." With effort, nothing is impossible; this time, I truly believed it was an eternal truth.
"
You and Changlu (the landlord's name) will go to the county town tomorrow for an investigation. I've prepared the investigation materials for you; try to be back in one day. Report any major issues to me immediately," the squad leader said. "Squad leader, going to the county town is dozens of miles of mountain road; a round trip in a day is really tough," I replied. "What do you think, Changlu?" "I'm sure I won't be back," Changlu answered, squatting on the threshold. "If you really can't come back, then stay here. Food and lodging can't exceed the standards. But... Xiao Hu, it's up to you," the squad leader said after thinking for a moment.
Ever since the landlord's class background was changed, it was only natural that he was elected production team leader. The "heavy burden" of investigating the previous production team leader's over-exploitation naturally fell on his shoulders. Having spent almost half a year in the mountains, surrounded by mountains and gullies , I never expected to leave the mountains and see an endless plain. I felt so relieved! I was so excited I wanted to shout. We set off at dawn and didn't reach the county town until noon. After eating the pancakes we had brought, we began our investigation at the stone quarry, the agricultural machinery station, and the supply and marketing cooperative, following the investigation outline planned by the squad leader. We checked each item in the provided materials. Among the supply and marketing cooperative's receipts, I found a voucher for oilseeds from the sale of over 100 jin of peanuts. I remembered that this transaction wasn't recorded in our village accountant's income books, even though it amounted to twenty or thirty yuan. This was a major discovery and I should report it immediately. I wrote down everything I could remember carefully. I couldn't wait to get back to the village. Discovering such a significant issue meant our work was thorough and meticulous, and the mobilization of the masses was complete. "Hmph! Don't look down on this new recruit; we can work just as well without anyone," I thought, almost blurting it out. As I packed my things, I said to the landlord, "Let's go! Changlu, let's go back." "Going back so soon?" the landlord asked, seemingly not understanding what I meant. "Yes, going back now," I repeated. “Why are we going back so soon? We haven’t eaten anything, and if we go back hungry, it’ll be late at night. We might not even see each other until dawn. Old Cheng told us to stay, so let’s go back tomorrow. Ah! Besides, there’s a big market in the county tomorrow. You’ve never seen one before, have you? It’s a big day in our countryside. Let’s go to the market.” The landlord said in one breath. “ Then let’s eat first and then talk,” I said. Seeing that I didn’t insist, the landlord was even more excited. He kept nagging on the way out of the supply and marketing cooperative. We went into a low-ceilinged snack shop, ordered a pound of steamed buns and two bowls of soup. Just as I was about to eat, I saw the landlord carrying a small pot of wine and a plate of meat coming over. “What’s going on? Where did you get the money?” I asked. “ Hehe, hehe…” The landlord just laughed without answering. “Want a sip?” the landlord asked. "No." "Then eat meat." "I can't eat your fellow villagers' food, we have rules." "Little Hu, you're just making things up. If you eat with me, we're eating together; if you sleep with me later, we're living together. Understand ? " The landlord said, pouring wine into a bowl. "You all take an egg down the mountain to exchange for lamp oil, where did you get the money?" I asked, chewing on a scallion. "Old Cheng gave me five yuan to treat myself. Don't tell anyone in the village. Ah," the landlord said softly, glancing around to make sure no one was watching, "Old Cheng is good to me. Good..." Soon, the landlord finished the wine in the small flask. I noticed his speech was becoming slurred, and he slowly slumped onto the table, no longer speaking. I called out, "Changlu, what's wrong? Fellow villager, what's wrong with him?" I'd never seen someone so drunk before, and I was really worried. "Hmm. He's drunk," the waiter at the snack shop replied. I helped the landlady out of the guesthouse; he kept sliding down the stairs. It was a struggle to finally settle him in. I was drenched in sweat. " No way. I have to go back. The squad leader is definitely testing me again. Why else would he let me handle things myself to see if I prioritize work, if I have the tenacity and fighting spirit to keep going? I'll show you this once. " Thinking this, I went out, paid the accommodation fee, and told the waiter, "Let this comrade go back tomorrow when he wakes up. Just say Comrade Hu went back first." I slung my backpack over my shoulder, took a deep breath, and headed towards our mountain valley under the moonlight. " Squad leader—!" I called out, sweating profusely, and pushed open the door. The room was quiet. "Hmm—where did he go? Visiting other people's houses again?" I was eager to tell the squad leader as soon as possible, but his absence was somewhat disappointing. I sat in the room for a while. "No. I have to find the squad leader right away and tell him about this." Thinking this, I slung my backpack over my shoulder, left the livestock shed, and headed down the mountain path. "Isn't this the landlady's house ? How did I end up here?" I looked up suddenly and saw the familiar house, and I froze. "Would the squad leader be here?" For some reason, this thought popped into my head, and my heart pounded. I tiptoed quietly into the yard. The usual "buzz, buzz" of the spinning wheel was completely silent; the yard was eerily quiet, and I could hear my own heartbeat. A warm, yellow light shone from the window of the inner room, indicating that the landlady was still awake. "Brother, hurry—" I heard the landlady say. Hearing her voice startled me. I looked around; no one was there. The voice was coming from inside the window. I reached for the window and peered inside. The sight before me stunned me; my hair stood on end. The landlady was kneeling naked on the bed, her buttocks sticking out, and a muscular man was slowly inserting his thick, dark penis into her from behind. " Mmm—" the landlady moaned comfortably with each thrust. The man slowly climbed onto her back, grabbing her large breasts from behind and kneading them roughly. "Brother, dear brother—" the landlady cried out. The man turned around, and a familiar face appeared before me. "Squad leader…" I almost cried out. My throat was dry ; I couldn't bear to watch any longer. I ran straight back to the livestock shed, sat on the bed, and gasped for breath. I scooped up a ladle of water and gulped it down. I couldn't believe it was real. "How could it be the squad leader... this is impossible! The squad leader always has a grim face; I rarely see him smile. Is the squad leader I remember the same person as the one clinging to this woman's back? Doesn't the squad leader have a wife? Although his wife brought two children into the family, I've never heard of any problems between them. It seems this 'condom' really came in handy." Thinking this, I drifted off to sleep... The night was still so quiet, without a sound. "When did you get back? Why aren't you covered up? What if you catch a cold?" I vaguely heard someone speaking and opened my eyes. I saw the squad leader covering me with a blanket .

"Hey, squad leader," I said. "When did you get back?" the squad leader asked. "Last night," I replied. "You got back last night..." The squad leader was taken aback for a moment, then asked again, "Squad leader," I quickly changed the subject, seeing the squad leader was about to ask, and continued, "It seems Fu Lai (the former squad leader) really has a big problem." I reported the findings of my investigation to the squad leader in detail.
"
Why didn't you tell me about such an important situation immediately?" The squad leader's face returned to its original seriousness. "I...I, I was too tired. I wanted to rest for a while before coming to see you, but I fell asleep as soon as I lay down on the bed, so I didn't come to see you." I answered with a lie, not daring to look at the squad leader. It was as if I had done something shameful. "Sigh, you... From now on, if there's anything important
,
tell me immediately, understand?" the squad leader said. It seemed he hadn't discovered anything, or maybe he thought I was still a child and wouldn't be too complicated. He certainly wouldn't have imagined that I had seen him doing something. “
Hmm—
” I answered, head down. “Xiao Hu, you’ve been doing very well lately, very proactive at work, and you’ve been able to share a lot of my workload. It’s really not easy to do this right after graduating from school.” The squad leader continued, “Have you written your application to join the Youth League?” “I’m not up to standard yet…” Before I could finish, the squad leader said again, “How about this, I’ll talk to the Youth League secretary, and you write an application too. Let’s try to resolve the organizational issue here.”
I
knew the squad leader was a man of his word in our team, sometimes even more influential than the team leader. He had quite a bit of influence. “Okay. I’ll try my best,” I replied. I thought to myself, “Finally, I’ve escaped this ordeal.” I secretly rejoiced.
I
followed the squad leader to the landlady’s house for breakfast. Seeing me enter, the landlady was also taken aback, glanced at the squad leader, and hurriedly asked, “When did you get back? Why hasn’t my Changlu come back yet?” "I had something important to discuss with our squad leader, so I came back first..." "Did you find him?" The landlady glanced at the squad leader again and asked, "Yes, I found him. Isn't the squad leader here?" "I mean, did you find him last night?" "Xiao Hu walked all night on mountain paths last night and went to sleep as soon as he got back," the squad leader replied. "I'm relieved that he's back today. Then you should eat quickly," the landlady said.
" Oh , sister-in-law, Brother Changlu won't be back until noon today," I replied. The landlady made new pancakes and egg drop soup today. "Sister-in-law, you've... You could save these eggs to exchange for oil or something," I said in surprise. "You're all so busy, you can't neglect your health. We don't have anything good for you to eat at our house, I really feel bad for you. Besides, our chickens are still laying eggs!" the landlady said. “Sister-in-law, it’s not easy for your chickens to lay eggs, this…” I glanced at the squad leader and said, “What’s so hard about chickens laying eggs? It’s not like they’re giving birth. Eat up, Changlu’s wife means well, she just wants to treat you. Don’t refuse.” The squad leader, holding his bowl, said expressionlessly and without any enthusiasm. “ Yes ! I just wanted to treat you.” The landlady hurriedly agreed. “Then thank you, sister-in-law.” I said, picking up my bowl as well. “Silly brother, no need to thank me. There’s more in the pot after you finish.” But she kept putting more into the squad leader’s bowl. I wanted to laugh, but I didn’t dare. We ’ve been here for over a year now. The leadership of the production team and the production brigade has been adjusted thanks to the hard work of our work team. Changlu was elected as the production team leader and joined the Party. He probably doesn’t even know what joining the Party means for him in the future. Anyway, he knows that he now has the power in the production team. The work team announced that the members could "cook for themselves," meaning we could cook for ourselves and wouldn't have to eat at the villagers' homes anymore. "Xiao Hu, should we cook for ourselves or continue eating at your landlady's?" the team leader asked me one day. "Whatever you say. I'll eat wherever you eat," I replied. "Hmm—." It seemed the team leader was satisfied with my answer. "Go down the mountain and buy two pounds of meat, let's have some meat." The team leader smiled and instructed, "Okay!" I happily slung my backpack over my shoulder and went down the mountain to buy meat. That evening, the team leader and I went to our landlady's house for dinner. As soon as we entered, we smelled an irresistible aroma. "Oh my, it's making my mouth water!" I said as I walked. It really had been over a year since I'd smelled meat. "Hey, landlady, you even have peanuts! Is this New Year's?" I said, rubbing my hands together. " There's nothing special, brother, come sit down. Changlu, hurry up too, don't keep them waiting," the landlady seemed particularly excited today, bustling around as she spoke. "Xiao Hu, get the water bottle out of my bag." " Here ." I handed the water bottle to the squad leader. "Changlu, let's break the taboo tonight." The squad leader said, pouring the wine from the water bottle into a bowl. I honestly had no idea when we bought the wine. Just as we were about to pick up our chopsticks, Changlu said, "Women shouldn't sit at the table." The landlady froze. The air suddenly became tense. "Don't we usually eat together? Why today?" I asked, glancing at the landlady. "Today is a feast . Our rule here is: women don't sit at the table." The landlady seemed to be exercising his authority as the head of the household for the first time , speaking sternly. The landlady looked at the squad leader with pleading and resentment in her eyes, but she didn't dare take a step forward. " What kind of nonsense rules are these? Changlu, we don't follow this custom. Why should a family share food? Come on, sister-in-law, sit here. Xiao Hu, you sit next to her so you can take care of her," the squad leader said sternly. "We're just afraid of breaking the rules," Changlu stammered, losing his confidence after hearing the squad leader's words. "Brother, eat more... or have some drinks," the landlady kept putting food on my plate, glancing at the landlady brother every now and then. She reached for the water bottle. " I don't drink. Don't take it. What's so good about alcohol? It tastes like fire in your mouth. Sister-in-law, you should eat too. Don't just focus on me, put some on your brother and our squad leader too." I felt a little overwhelmed by the excessive enthusiasm, so I quickly said, "We eat from the same pot, we're a warm family. Why distinguish between yours and mine, men and women?" The landlady glanced at the squad leader as she spoke. "Changlu, you're a Party member now, you can't have feudalistic ideas anymore. We should have improved a lot after the Socialist Education Movement. Don't mention those old, outdated rules you just mentioned. Listen to me? Come on. Let's drink." the squad leader said. " That 's right, that's right. Please go first." The landlord brother readily agreed, picked up his bowl, and took a big gulp. "Brother, drink slowly, this isn't water. Be careful you don't get drunk." I quickly advised. I glanced at my sister-in-law. "Brother , just let him drink. He's fine at home. If he gets drunk, he'll just sleep on the bed." The landlady sister-in-law said , glancing at the squad leader. Honestly, I've never heard of a wife advising her husband to drink more. The landlord brother seems like a "puppet emperor" to me. He's like someone who "orders the maid around, holds the keys, and has no real authority." The squad leader calls the shots both inside and outside the house. It seems like the squad leader is the head of the household. What right does the landlord have? He can't even control his own wife. It's really pointless.

“Old Cheng ,
I’ve discussed it with the people in the house. The threshing ground (which is together with the livestock shed) is quite far from here, and it’s not a good idea for you to always stay in the livestock shed. It’s also inconvenient to travel back and forth. Why don’t you move in with us? She’ll tidy up the house.” The landlady said, taking another sip of her drink. “What do you think, Xiao Hu?” the squad leader asked me after thinking for a moment. “Ask me?” I asked, feigning ignorance
.
I glanced at the landlady; he was eating and drinking with relish, his face expressionless. The landlady’s wife sat with her head down, her face flushed, her hands constantly twisting the hem of her clothes, as if my decision was very important to her, afraid I might say something else. “
Okay
. Let’s move in.” I replied, glancing at the landlady’s wife again. She let out a long sigh. She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye, as if suppressing her inner excitement; only I noticed this small gesture. We moved in right away, the very next day, to our landlady's courtyard. The little courtyard seemed
to come alive; the landlady was constantly busy, occasionally coming to sit in our room for a while. Since we moved in, the landlady was exceptionally kind to me. She always called me "brother this " and "silly brother that," making me dizzy, as if I were really her brother. We, the three men and one woman, lived in this courtyard. Changlu probably didn't know about the squad leader and the landlady's affair, otherwise, why would things be so peaceful? But not long after, one day, the squad leader returned from a meeting at the commune and said to me, "Xiao Hu, we're going back to the city next week to participate in the Cultural Revolution. Prepare yourself, organize the materials and documents, and get ready to hand them over to the work team." " What is the Cultural Revolution?" I asked. To be honest, in the year or so we'd been in this remote mountain village, we knew absolutely nothing about the outside world; we were completely cut off from information and isolated from the world. "I don't know either," the squad leader said. " Did you tell the landlady?" I continued. "Why would I tell her?" the squad leader asked, looking at me with surprise. "The military region has ordered us all to evacuate and return to the city. Hurry up and pack." The squad leader finished speaking and walked out the door. The squad leader had barely stepped out of the yard when the landlady pushed open our door and asked, "Old Cheng's back?" "Just left." "Why did you leave again so soon after coming back?" "Sister-in-law..." "What's wrong?" "Sister-in-law, we have another mission and we're all returning to the city in a few days." I told her the news the squad leader had just given me: "Returning to the city, don't lie to me." "Really. Really. We'll be back in a few days." I repeated, emphasizing my words. "Why are you leaving so suddenly? Are you coming back ? " The landlady's face turned pale as she asked, "They said they want us to go back to participate in the Cultural Revolution. I don't know the specifics, you should ask the squad leader." I said while packing my materials. The landlady stood motionless at the door. The sudden news stunned her. Her eyes lost their usual sparkle, replaced by a deep sadness. "Why did your brother go to the county town to buy sweet potato vines at this hour? What are we going to do?" the landlady cried anxiously. I knew she wasn't worried about Changlu, but about our immediate return to the city. Indeed, no one was prepared. She probably thought we'd spend the rest of our lives here with them. It was already dark, and the squad leader had returned. "How's the sorting going ? " the squad leader asked as he entered. "The investigation materials are finished. The denunciation materials are being cleaned up," I replied. "Come on. Let's eat." The squad leader glanced at his watch, and we walked together towards the landlady's room. The room was dark; only a blurry figure could be seen sitting on the bed. "Sister-in-law, sister-in-law. We're here for dinner," I called softly. "Oh, look—I haven't even started cooking yet," the landlady said, bowing her head as she came out, lit the lamp, and began to cook for us. I helped her with this and that, and I secretly glanced at my sister-in-law. I noticed her eyes were red and swollen; she must have just been crying. "Squad leader, what's wrong with your sister-in-law?" I whispered to the squad leader. "Hmm?" the squad leader asked. "What's wrong with your sister-in-law?" I repeated. The squad leader glanced at my sister-in-law and said, "I don't know. Did she hear we're leaving?" "I just told her," I said. "That kid's quick-witted," the squad leader said. No one spoke during the meal; everyone ate in silence. I wiped my mouth, stood up, and walked out, saying, "I'm finished. I'm going back to my room." " Wait for me," the squad leader hurriedly ate a few more bites and stood up as well. "Don't go," my sister-in-law said. I froze, standing there motionless. "Brother, I was talking to Lao Cheng," my sister-in-law said, standing up as well. "Let's talk about it tomorrow. We still need to organize our materials," the squad leader said reluctantly, his brow furrowed . The landlady saw us to the door. Just as I stepped out, I thought I heard her whisper, "Come to my place this afternoon." "Squad leader, what did she say?" I asked, looking at the squad leader. " I do n't know. When did she speak?" the squad leader replied. "Oh. I think I heard her speak. Am I hearing things?" I said, rubbing my ears and laughing. Back inside, the squad leader said, " Hurry up and finish. Make sure everything is done carefully, nothing is missed." We took out the materials and started sorting them one by one. I yawned several times. The squad leader said to me, "Xiao Hu, you go to sleep first. I'll finish the rest. Tomorrow you'll register what I've finished." "Squad leader, I'm going to sleep now," I said, lying in bed after washing my face. I don't know how much time passed before I heard the squad leader softly call my name: "Xiao Hu, Xiao Hu..." "Squad leader, what's wrong?" I asked groggily as I sat up. "Oh, nothing, nothing. Go back to sleep," the squad leader said. " Squad leader, what's wrong with you?" I mumbled and lay back down. I heard the squad leader writing and tidying up. Some time later, "Xiao Hu..." the squad leader called again. I woke up instantly, but this time I didn't move. I heard the squad leader making the bed. "Xiao Hu..." the squad leader called again. I still didn't move. "This kid's fast asleep," the squad leader said softly. With a "poof," the light went out. After a moment of silence, our door creaked open, and the squad leader quietly slipped out. I sat up abruptly: "That was clearly meant for you , squad leader. Why are you so stubbornly denying it? I want to see what you're up to." Then I thought, "Didn't you see what happened between them?" Ever since moving into this little courtyard, I don't know why, but I've developed a bit of a liking for the landlady. When the squad leader is home, she's sure to come over; when he's not, she'll chat with me in the yard, asking me what city girls and wives wear and eat—the provincial capital is a mystery to her. As she listens to me, her eyes will be fixed on one spot, lost in thought. Sometimes she'll help me with the laundry or something. But she always seems to keep a certain distance from me. It's really something .

One morning, not long ago, my sister-in-law asked me, "Little Hu, what does your wife, Old Cheng, look like? Is she pretty? What does she do?" "She's a primary school teacher. She wears glasses. She's quite tall." I was wondering why she was asking so many questions, but she was really listening intently. I often thought: Does my sister-in-law just like city people? There are some guys in our work team who are better looking than the team leader, but she doesn't seem to like any of them. Maybe she just likes the team leader. And let me tell you, he's 1.8 meters tall, all muscular. You could say he's athletic. I heard he used to play professionally, with the physique of an athlete. He seems to have inexhaustible energy. Hmm. Women like men like that, right? I shook my head, then quietly left the house and gently walked to my sister-in-law's window.
"
Why did you take so long?" my sister-in-law asked softly. "..." "Come on up," she said. "..." "Why are you still wearing them? Take them off, take them all off." It was my sister-in-law's voice again. I heard the rustling sound of clothes being taken off.
???
??? "Brother. I missed you so much..." It was my sister-in-law's voice again. "Tsk, tsk..." The sounds they made as they rolled around on the bed. "You kissed me so hard I could hardly breathe." My sister-in-law said softly. "When are you going back to the city?" After a while, my sister-in-law turned on the light and asked, "Why are you turning on the light?" It was the squad leader's voice. Ha. Squad leader, you finally spoke up, I thought to myself, almost laughing out loud. "I want to see you." "Why didn't you tell me?" my sister-in-law asked, "Didn't Xiao Hu tell you?" "That doesn't count. I want you to tell me yourself." "Who says it's different? Hey—, why did you tell Xiao Hu to come over? I think he heard you." The squad leader complained. "Really? Judging from your expression just now, I... I was afraid you wouldn't come. I was so anxious that I had to say it." "Even if you didn't call, I would have come. You know, when Changlu wasn't home, I never missed a visit," the squad leader replied in a muffled voice. "That's true." Good heavens! The squad leader has been running around here quite a bit. "Are you coming back?" "I don't know. Maybe you will."
???
??? "Don't lie to me. I know you won't be coming back once you leave." The sister-in-law paused for a moment and then said, "Brother, what will I do if you leave?" "You and Changlu will have a big, healthy son and live a good life. Besides, haven't I already made arrangements for Changlu? Your future will be much better. With this seal of office, you'll have everything." "I just can't bear to part with you." "I can't bear to part with you either. Sigh. We have no choice. We're soldiers, and military orders are absolute." "After a pause, the squad leader said, 'It's really strange. How did we end up together?' After another pause, the squad leader asked the woman, 'Did you seduce me?' 'There are many women in your village. How come I didn't seduce anyone else? It's you who came to me, insisting on having me on your bed. How can I seduce you? You seduced me.' 'Don't put it so harshly. You didn't want to have sex with me? I haven't seen many city people, but out of all the people in the work team, I don't know why I took a liking to you. The first time you visited my house, I didn't dare to look you in the eye.' The woman said. 'Afraid of me?' 'A little afraid. But I couldn't help but look at you. The way you looked at me was like a fire that could melt me, or it could devour me. You could see right into my flesh. It made me feel so ashamed. The moment I looked up at you, I saw you staring at me. My heart started pounding wildly.'" "You told Changlu you were looking for a family to share a meal with. I knew there were so many households in the village, you were sure to come to my house for a meal. You're more accurate than I could write!" the landlady said. "Are you still scared now?" "
No.
" "Brother, did you fall for me the moment you entered the village?" "How did you guess?" the squad leader asked. "I just knew." "Yes. When we came to the village for the members' meeting, I saw you sitting right in front of me, staring at me. I thought, 'Who is this little beauty? Is she from our team?' But I wondered who was so lucky to marry such a beautiful young wife. I had to find you no matter what. You think this is too much for me? I'll check every house, go door to door, do you think you can escape?" "You say I'm handsome—you tell me, who's more handsome, me or your wife?" the landlady said excitedly. "Don't compare. I'm saying you're not ugly, you're quite pretty." Why are you comparing yourself to her? Do you remember how you were always the first to arrive at every meeting, sitting closest to me? I don't even know if you understood anything, you just stared at me blankly. You were always the last to leave after the meeting. Did you want to stay with me a little longer? After the meeting, you stood up and walked away, and wow, those big breasts on your chest bounced up and down, so eye-catching. I just wanted to touch them sometime. "The squad leader wasn't wrong, the landlady's breasts are truly first-class, round and high, so bouncy, as if they're about to jump out of her clothes." You're so naughty. Haven't you touched them enough yet? The landlady said shyly, "How could I possibly have enough?" "Let me tell you first." That day, after everyone had left after the meeting, I stood up to leave, and then a rumble of thunder sounded in the sky, and it started to rain, the rain was pouring down. I thought, "Oh no, how am I going to get home?" I grabbed a urea bag from inside the house and tried to run home. You grabbed me and pulled me back, which really scared me. I don't know what you're up to, but I saw the fire in your eyes. "I'll take you home," you said. I didn't dare say a word. You put your raincoat on me. I could only go along with your wishes. When we crossed the ditch, you stepped across first, and I followed. Before I could even stand properly, you grabbed me and hugged me tightly. I felt weak and limp. You kissed my lips hard, your stubble tickling me. You made me open my mouth and give you my tongue, then sucked it into your mouth, sucking it vigorously. It hurt for days afterward. You told me this was called kissing, that's what city people like. I thought, "Rain, please don't stop, just keep falling. I really want you to hold me like this forever, to keep kissing me." Your thing was so hard, it hurt my stomach. Ah—. I'm so content with you. "Contentment is good." Back then, Changlu was really backward. No matter how many times you called him to a meeting, he wouldn't come. He was always sleeping at home. "Is he so sleepy that he'd bother you?" *Smack!* Someone hit someone else. Maybe it was his sister-in-law
!
"But he never missed out on anything profitable. That time the brigade repaired the irrigation canal, he insisted on going. Digging the canal gave high work points and a subsidy. You see, he was jumping higher than anyone else; without him, no one could go. In the end, we gave in to him and let him go." The squad leader continued, "As soon as that damned fellow left, you came to my yard and said, 'Come here tonight for some hot water.' You wanted me to boil it. I figured you weren't really asking for water. You were just trying to get me. Sending that damned fellow was definitely part of your plan, wasn't it?" "Of course," the squad leader said smugly.
"
I'd already boiled the water." I waited and waited, but no one came. I lay on the kang (heated brick bed) fuming, thinking, "You said you'd come, why aren't you here?" Just as I got off the kang, I saw a figure standing in the main room, which startled me. Then I realized it was you. Why didn't you hear me come in? You came over without a word, picked me up, and put me on the kang. My hands and feet were ice-cold, and I was shivering. "You're really bold." "Hehe, hehe..." the squad leader laughed. "Tell me, did you seduce me?" "I suppose so." You, panting heavily, tore my clothes off in a few swift movements. Before I could even react, you spread my legs and thrust in. I don't even know how you got in. I just felt something warm, thick, and big. It filled me completely. "Is it comfortable?" the squad leader asked. "I'm completely out of my mind. It's sore and numb inside. Ugh—it feels like I'm dead." "Actually, I wanted you to seduce me too." "...There was no movement for a long time.
I
slowly moved closer to the window and saw the landlady lying in the squad leader's arms. They were both naked, their hands touching each other's bodies.
The
squad leader was biting the landlady's earlobe and kneading her breasts. "Giggle, giggle..." The landlady laughed. This was the kind of laughter I often heard at night. "It tickles—. Brother, give it to me quickly." The landlady urged softly. "
Fine
. I'll let you die again." Saying this, the squad leader took out a small plastic bag from his pocket. He tore open the condom and put it on his already erect penis. "Isn't that a condom?" This was the thing I saw
.
"Can you not use this thing?" the sister-in-law said. "I can get pregnant without it." "I don't care. It's uncomfortable to use it." Saying this, she took the condom off the thick, dark penis. Before
the
squad leader could react, the sister-in-law turned over and sat up, spreading her legs, and slowly sat down, holding the squad leader's thick, dark penis in her hands .
"
Ouch..." the squad leader cried out in pleasure. He grabbed the sister-in-law's large breasts and kneaded her pink nipples. I sat down by the window, and strangely enough, I also got hard. And it was throbbing, painfully swollen.
"
Brother, brother—" the sister-in-law cried out in a trembling voice. "Brother, brother—I'm going to die." "I'll do it." After a while, the squad leader seemed to change some position and continued: "Is it comfortable?" "Comfortable, so comfortable. Brother, use a little more force. Mmm—" the sister-in-law hummed. "Brother—, don't stop, no, no… I can't take it anymore!" the landlady cried out passionately.
"
Don't shout! Someone will hear!" the squad leader quickly covered her mouth with his hand and whispered. "I can't care anymore," the landlady said breathlessly. "Come on. Lie down. It'll be more comfortable this way," the squad leader said. This was probably the same as the last time. "Brother, I'll feel comfortable no matter what you do," the landlady said. After an unknown amount of time, suddenly the squad leader cried out
,
"I'm going to come!" "Come on, come on. No, brother, don't pull it out, let it flow inside," the landlady said hurriedly, panting. "Ah—!" came the squad leader's groan again. "This way she'll definitely get pregnant. This is terrible!" a while later, the squad leader was heard saying.
"
What's the big deal?" "I have a family in the city, and the future is uncertain. If you two cause trouble in the city, how will I work?" "I don't care. I just want to keep your bloodline." "How wonderful it would be if I had your child! Then I wouldn't have to think about anything else. If I really had our child, I'd have something to look forward to in the future. Seeing the child would be like seeing you." "You're just being ridiculous." The squad leader was getting impatient.
"
Brother, I've made up my mind. I'll raise this child of ours for the rest of my life." The sister-in-law said calmly. "You..." "Is it because my body isn't worthy of carrying your child?" the sister-in-law asked. "..." "My dear brother, please grant my wish." "Brother, don't worry, I won't go to the provincial capital to cause trouble for you. I won't cause you any trouble." The sister-in-law comforted him: "Brother, you can still live with your wife. I'll stay here and take care of that dead man. I won't trouble you. Okay?" There was no sound from the squad leader for a long time. "Brother, are you asleep?" I heard the landlady say softly after a while.
"
No. I'm resting for a bit," the squad leader said. "I just wanted to chat with you," the landlady said. "Okay. Go ahead," the squad leader replied. "I didn't sleep a wink that night after I got back..." "Which day?" "The day it rained." I thought to myself, "You'll definitely come looking for me. Really. You'll definitely come looking for me." "It really worked! Look at that deadbeat next to me, all he does is snore. I've had enough." "You guys are doing fine, aren't you?" "Fine? That deadbeat climbs on top of me every day, messing around. I finally manage to get it in, but it leaks out after a couple of moves. After he's done, he either pinches or bites me. Brother, tell me what I'm suffering! That deadbeat, don't let his big, dark appearance fool you, his thing is so thin and small. How is it even? Who can I tell about this? I just have to suffer in silence." "Is Changlu really no good?" the squad leader asked. "He's nowhere near as good as you. You can practically stick your penis in my throat." "Nonsense. Does everyone in the village know?" the squad leader asked. "If he doesn't tell and I don't tell, who will know? But everyone in the village says it's my problem. They say I'm sick. Changlu's mother said, 'If I can't get pregnant again, she'll divorce me.' It's such a waste that I gave my body to him," the landlady said. "Wouldn't it be a waste if I gave it to him?" the squad leader asked. "No, it's not unfair. You let me truly experience being a woman," my sister-in-law said. "Brother—" "What is it?" "Give me one more time." "Again?" "You're leaving soon, every time we do it is one less time we have." "I'll have Xiao Hu deliver the materials to the commune first thing tomorrow morning, we have a whole day." "I want it tomorrow, I want it today too. Please, brother, give me one more time." I stood up and looked out the window again: the squad leader was sucking on my sister-in-law's pink nipple. His hand reached towards her crotch. Soon, my sister-in-law started panting heavily. She raised her snow-white legs high, waiting. The squad leader leaped up, pounced on her, and thrust his thick, black, huge penis into her body. He twisted wildly and rapidly, making squelching sounds between the bed: "Brother—kill me!" my sister-in-law cried out.
???
??? I sat down again with a thud. My mouth was dry, and my heart was pounding. "Don't just squat here like an idiot. Go back, it's too tiring to look at this. This kind of work is just like that. Who knows what else is waiting for tomorrow? Oh right, didn't the squad leader just say he wanted you to deliver materials to the commune?" I quietly went back to my room, rubbing my burning, erect penis, and went to sleep. I had no idea when the squad leader came back.
I
'm not a peeping tom, I just found it interesting. I can't tell if I was looking at the squad leader or my sister-in-law. Maybe I just liked looking at my sister-in-law. I liked seeing her infatuated expression. How pathetic.
When
dawn broke, I got up and saw the squad leader was still asleep. I didn't wake him and finished registering the materials he had prepared. "What time is it, Xiao Hu? Why didn't you wake me? This is delaying our work!" the squad leader said, sitting up.
Look
, the squad leader isn't like he was last night; he's all serious again. "You were busy all night last night, you must be exhausted, you should get some more sleep," I said. You tell me, my flattery was quite skillful, wasn't it? "Xiao Hu, hurry up and take the materials to the commune. They're waiting for them," the squad leader ordered. Alright! The squad leader sent me out the moment he opened his eyes. "Then I probably won't be back by noon," I said. "Go ahead. Don't rush, come back after you've finished." "Xiao Hu, call Lao Cheng for lunch." Hearing the noise from our room, my sister-in-law called from under the window, "Sister-in-law, the squad leader didn't sleep all night, please let him get some more sleep." I said, walking out of the room. My sister-in-law blushed and quickly said, "Xiao Hu, how did you know Lao Cheng didn't sleep all night?" "The squad leader told me." "Lao Cheng told me?" My sister-in-law asked in surprise. "Yes. The squad leader told me himself," I said, deliberately teasing my sister-in-law. My sister-in-law stared at me wide-eyed. "He's talking about himself, getting—materials—in—the process. What's wrong, sister-in-law?" I said
,
feigning ignorance. "Nothing," the sister-in-law sighed in relief and didn't ask any further questions. I kept smiling at her, making her uncomfortable: "Brother, what are you looking at?" "Looking at you. Sister-in-law, you look so beautiful today." "Really? Oh, you're such a silly brother—." The sister-in-law touched her face, blushing furiously, and quickly went about her other business. I really liked her calling me silly brother; her voice was sweet and slightly cheesy.
Just
then, the squad leader came out and said, "Little Hu, stop talking nonsense. Sister-in-law, come to our room later, we'll settle the bill." "Okay—" There was egg drop soup for breakfast again. Apparently, there was a reason for this egg drop soup; it turned out I was just freeloading. After breakfast, I picked up my schoolbag, took the materials, and went to the commune. This village never had the custom of visiting each other's homes. They never visit other people's yards. This is probably a rule left by the old nuns. "Sister-in-law, you always call me silly brother, I should call you silly sister-in-law. Anyway, I'm not home today, so you can do whatever you want." I thought to myself.
I
thought about the conversation between the squad leader and the sister-in-law that night. I always felt that the squad leader wasn't sincere. I couldn't explain why, but I knew that after we left, the squad leader definitely forgot about her. You believe it? I believe it
.
A few days later, I went to the commune to gather. The squad leader went down the mountain two days after I left. "Squad leader, how is Sister-in-law?" I asked excitedly when I saw the squad leader. "Yes." The squad leader didn't answer.
I
glanced at the squad leader but didn't ask again. The comrades in the team hadn't seen each other for over a year, and they were overjoyed to see each other again, talking and laughing. Everyone was busy preparing to return to the city.
The
day of our return to the city finally arrived. On the day we left, the commune cadres and the comrades from the work team all went to the streets to see us off. Just as the car started to move, I saw Sister-in-law looking around at the street corner. She found me sitting in the car, waved, but her eyes were still searching. I knew she was looking for the squad leader. The squad leader had actually been sitting in the car for a while. I whispered to the squad leader sitting next to me, "Sister-in-law is here." "..." The squad leader didn't answer or move, not even turning his head. The car slowly drove through the cheering crowd. I saw the woman running after our car behind the human wall, wiping away tears as she ran. Perhaps she hadn't gotten a final look at the squad leader.
I leaned out, waving and shouting, "Sister-in-law, go back..." At my shout, everyone in the car looked out. "Xiao Hu, you and your landlady are quite close, aren't you ? " the other comrades in the car chuckled. "No..." I tried to explain, but then thought, "Never mind, it has nothing to do with me anyway," and didn't bother to argue, plopping down. Some people whispered and chuckled mischievously, probably because they'd seen the woman's large breasts bouncing as she chased the car. These scoundrels! Amidst the laughter , I sat down and glanced at the squad leader. He was looking straight ahead, expressionless. It seemed their relationship had truly reached its end. "Sister-in-law, you're so foolish," I thought to myself. The elder sister-in-law's figure slowly disappeared into the dust raised by the car... ( III) Several days have passed since we returned to the city. The streets are in chaos, loudspeakers blare songs and slogans like "Rebellion is justified , " and walls are plastered with large banners: "Down with the biggest capitalist roader in the Party," "Dig out the time bomb next to Chairman Mao," "Down with Liu Shaoqi!" Isn't Liu Shaoqi the Chairman of our country? He wants to get rid of Chairman Mao and usurp the throne, no way! A group of young men in yellow military uniforms, carrying belts, are escorting an old man wearing a paper hat and covered in blood on a speeding "581" three-wheeled truck. The old man has a sign hanging on his chest with his name written backwards and marked with a big red X. Ransom, rebellion, down with the capitalist roader. The streets are filled with chaos. Nobody knows when this "fate" will fall on their own heads. The higher-ups want us to hand over the book "On the Self-Cultivation of Communist Party Members." I truly don't understand. Just a few months ago, this book was a required reading for our work team, and today it's become a poisonous weed in the "Destroy the Four Olds" campaign: smash everything that should be smashed, and everything that shouldn't be smashed. Burn everything that should be burned, and struggle against everything that shouldn't be struggled against. Whenever a struggle session begins, everyone is brandished with a big black sign and forced to wear a paper hat. Chaos! Chaos! The world is truly in chaos! These things happening right now have completely bewildered us. Then, the higher-ups immediately ordered our regimental leaders to organize us to study Mao Zedong's "Report on an Investigation of the Peasant Movement in Hunan," specifically the phrases "terrible" and "very good." These scoundrels are determined to make the landlords and rich people suffer. This is a sign of a great situation. They're forcing us to say the situation is great, not just moderately good. Isn't this blatant lying? Yet, we're also forbidden from going out; we can only move around within the camp. Why can't we experience this great situation for ourselves? I really want to go back to the village. Even though the work is tiring, dirty, and hard, there won't be these worries. I can't help but think of my landlady, her pitiful eyes when she chased after the car, her expression of wanting to call out but not daring to. Sister-in-law, the squad leader has really forgotten about you. "Hey, sister-in-law, what are you doing now? Are you alright?" The squad leader is busy all day; the "Socialist Education Movement" is history for him. Our peaceful days didn't last long. Our unit also announced the launch of the "Four Great Movements." Colleagues who had lived and worked in the same team for decades suddenly became irreconcilable enemies, fighting to the death. I really don't understand. The squad leader talked to me several times, saying I wasn't actively participating in the movement. "You say I've only been here a few days, and I'm already in the countryside. I don't even know everyone in the team yet. Who do you want me to denounce? Can I denounce you, sir?" I thought, but didn't say anything. Meanwhile, the world was in turmoil, but I was stuck in my tiny room. Aside from morning exercises with everyone and three meals a day in the canteen, I spent the rest of my time reading indoors, completely ignoring everything outside. In the team, I gradually became what everyone called the "carefree faction." Due to differing opinions, the team split into several rebel groups, such as the "Red Guard East Combat Team," the "Handing Dongbiao Rebel Team," and the "Dare to Die-Hard Team"—a real mixed bag. What kind of team do you think I belong to? Don't worry, if you push me too far, we'll form a "One Grass Combat Team"—how about that? Our team has a total of over sixty people, divided into four sub-teams. We've also formed six or seven combat teams, all people who are usually on good terms with each other. Isn't that ridiculous? What kind of team would I form with the sub-team leader? I've never thought about it. There are three women in the team: one is married, one has a boyfriend but isn't married, and one, because of her high standards, hasn't found a partner and is always working independently—like me, she's in an "independent brigade." The rest have their own "organizations." Besides the weekly group study session, everyone in the team is busy with their own things. The family quarters and our office area are in the same courtyard. Most of the wives of the older comrades come from the countryside, and very few have regular jobs. Washing clothes, cooking, chatting in groups, gossiping, spreading rumors, and sunbathing are their entire lives. The courtyard is filled with the constant crying of children and wives—it's really annoying. You tell me, this is nothing like the military. It's so different from what I imagined. But we couldn't stand real military life either, so oh well. We'll just have to make do. " Xiao Hu." With that call, Xiao Wang pushed open the door and came in. Xiao Wang is one of the three women in our team, the one who has a boyfriend but isn't married. "So free. What are you doing?" "Nothing, just reading a book." I said, sitting up from the bed. "Can I take a look?" "..." I glanced at Xiao Wang without saying anything. "Is what you're looking at poisonous weeds? If it is, I'll take revolutionary action!" "I'm not looking at poisonous weeds, it's the book I brought." "It must be a feudal, capitalist, and revisionist book." "Oh! No, it's my business book." I said a little impatiently. "Give it to me. Let me examine it." "Here you go. You won't understand it anyway." I said, throwing the book over. "Hmm. I really can't understand it. Here you go." Xiao Wang flipped through it a few times, threw the book back onto the bed, and continued, "I'm just kidding with you. What's the rush?" I glanced at Xiao Wang and said, "If you keep startling people like this, no one can stand it. You can scare someone into getting sick even if they're not." "You're not that fragile, are you?" Xiao Wang said with a smile. I smiled and didn't say anything more. " Sit down. Why are you standing as soon as I arrive? Don't you even offer me a seat? Ugh—always cooped up in the house, isn't that annoying? Come on! Come visit me sometime." "Wouldn't that be inappropriate?" I said softly. "What's wrong with that?" Xiao Wang said nonchalantly. "It'd be bad if someone saw us." I said. "Why are you so complicated, child?" "I'm really not complicated. I just don't want to cause you trouble." I said, glancing at her. The atmosphere in the room suddenly turned cold, and no one spoke again .

Xiao Wang was petite, with a well-proportioned figure and a very feminine charm. She was quite likable. She walked with a light, breezy gait, drifting here and there. I really liked her carefree spirit. It's a pity she's already taken. "I often hear people say, 'Beijingers are slick; Tianjin people are glib,' their speech isn't pleasant. But why do I love hearing you speak Beijing dialect?" Xiao Wang said. "Really
?
I'm no different from others," I replied with a smile. "Anyway, you're different." "Then I'll often speak Beijing dialect with you. Don't be annoyed by my banter." "I won't." Strangely enough, from then on, Xiao Wang would come to my room every few days, very frequently. She didn't have anything important to say, just chatted for a while and then left. I really couldn't do anything about her. But every time she came, I would put down what I was doing and chat with her for a while, never getting annoyed.
August
in Jinan is truly unbearably hot. Even sitting still, I'd be drenched in sweat. Lying on the bed, the straw mat would be soaked with a human-shaped damp patch in no time. It was like an oven. This awful weather could kill a person. After reading in the evening, I'd fetch a basin of water, wash off the stench of sweat, and wipe the mat. That marked the end of the day. It was my habit. In the team, you'd put up big-character posters about me, and I'd expose your problems. It was quite a spectacle. I was new here and didn't really know the team's past situation, so nobody paid attention to me, and I was truly happy to have some peace and quiet without being disturbed. Like every day, I prepared to wash my face, getting ready to finish the last thing of the day.
Just
as I was about to wash, the door seemed to move slightly. I turned around, but there was nothing there: "I forgot to lock the door. The lights were off in the yard when I got the water; no one could be there!" I thought, continuing to wash. The door moved again. I put down the towel and went to the door. "Come to my room for a moment," a voice said, barely audible. "Who is it?" The door opened. Xiao Xu walked in. I instinctively grabbed my pants to cover my front. "How could it be her?" I thought in surprise. "Come to my room for a moment," Xiao Xu said softly. "Is something wrong?" "..." "Just come over." After a pause, Xiao Xu said again. "Why does she want to see me? I'm not that familiar with her. Besides, what can't be done during the day?" I thought.
Seeing
Xiao Xu staring at me, her eyes gentle yet firm, I knew there was no room for negotiation. "Okay. I'll come right away after I get dressed." Xiao Xu was the only married one of the three women. She lived in the two rooms next to mine. I heard her husband was her college classmate. Their curtains never seemed to be opened, and they were always quiet, coming and going quietly—quite mysterious. I had never spoken a word to her in the team, nor had I paid much attention to her. Sometimes I noticed her staring intently at me,
and
as soon as I looked at her, her eyes would immediately turn to the other side. Her expression was perfectly natural; no one else could possibly tell what she was looking at intently. This person is truly strange. Just as I reached out, the door opened softly.
"
Come in," Xiao Xu said softly. "Teacher Xin isn't here," I replied, my voice also becoming soft, perhaps influenced by the environment and Xiao Xu.
"
..." Xiao Xu remained silent, gesturing for me to sit down, as if she didn't want anyone to know. Her eyes remained focused on me. I could hear the clock on the wall ticking. I sat down, and soon my clothes were soaked through. Sweat streamed down my neck and back. Oh well. All that washing was for nothing. "
What
are you so nervous about? Come on, wipe yourself," Xiao Xu said, picking up a towel and walking over to me. "I'm not nervous..." I stammered. The towel was white and had a faint powdery scent, probably the unique smell of women. It smelled just like the powder my landlady used on her face. Ugh, why do I always think of my landlady? "Did you need something?" I asked softly while wiping my sweat. "Nothing much, just wanted to chat." "Ah?" I stared at Xiao Xu, thinking, "You went to all this trouble just to chat? But then again, what else can you do?" "I see you only eat in the cafeteria, what do you do all day cooped up in your room?" Xiao Xu smiled and asked. "Reading, sleeping, and..." "Don't you care about anything in the team?" Xiao Xu interrupted me, continuing. I noticed Xiao Xu's eyes weren't big, but with glasses, she looked quite scholarly. Especially when she smiled, she was really pretty. The room was brightly lit, making Xiao Xu's white teeth particularly noticeable. "I'm not interested in any of this. You hit me, I bite you; you put up a big-character poster about me, I expose your crimes. What's the point
?
Ordinary people shouldn't make things difficult for themselves. Everyone has their struggles. Besides, I don't know the situation. I only joined the army a few days ago and then went to the countryside. Now I've only been back in the city for a few months. How am I supposed to care about this?" "That makes sense. I didn't expect you to have such a deep understanding of the issues." "Don't flatter me." Was she sent by the unit to investigate me? I suddenly became wary and didn't say anything. "I didn't mean anything by it. Really." Looking at Xiao Xu's apologetic face, I knew she didn't intend to question me. "I've been watching you for a long time. It started before I returned to the city, when we were gathered at the work group." Xiao Xu continued, "..." I looked at Xiao Xu, waiting for her to continue.
"
I've noticed you're a bit different from the other new comrades who were assigned here with us. You live a very structured life, following the same routine every day. You're never argumentative. Always so peaceful..." Xiao Xu shifted slightly and said, "Really?" I countered, noticing fine beads of sweat on the tip of Xiao Xu's nose. "Here, your nose is all sweaty." I handed her the towel. Xiao Xu smiled silently, took the towel, glanced at me, and said, "You've warmed the towel up." I couldn't help but look up at the clock on the wall. "Why are you leaving already? I haven't said so much yet." Xiao Xu said regretfully, "It's too late." "What time do you usually go to bed?" "It varies, sometimes early, sometimes very late." "Can you sit a little longer? It's only a little past midnight." Seeing my hesitation, Xiao Xu didn't insist further. "Okay then. Can you come to my house again tomorrow?" "When?" "Same time as today." Looking into Xiao Xu's eyes, I couldn't hold on to what I had originally intended to do, and I also wanted to know what she was interested in about me: "Okay then." I stood up as I spoke.
"
Xiao Hu..." Xiao Xu called out to me as I reached the door, walked towards me, and gently kissed my forehead. "You must come tomorrow. I'll be waiting for you." Her voice was still so soft. The door closed silently again, and the light went out. "
Oh
my god. What happened?" Back in the room, I found my palms were sweaty. This sudden turn of events really startled me. I tossed and turned in bed, unable to sleep. I got up and did my daily hundred push-ups again. No. I still couldn't sleep.
"
I'm really trying to be careful, how did I still manage to offend someone?" Lying in bed, I couldn't figure it out. The landlady's face kept appearing in my mind's eye, but Xiao Xu just couldn't quite picture it.

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