My Second Single Life (Part 11)

page views:1 Publication date:2023-07-25

I don't know if it was the change in my feelings that made me gradually dependent on her, or if it was the rekindling of my physical desires, or perhaps the appearance of another man that made me realize I was losing her and cherish her even more. In any case, I began to crave her intensely, and this burning desire made me forget the promises I had made.
I could sense her reluctance to let go, even though she repeatedly told me she didn't want to continue like this. But my physical desires drove me to repeatedly plead and seduce her.
Sister Wang is a kind woman who doesn't know how to refuse; she didn't even know how to refuse my physical advances. The result was predictable: our bodies were once again intimately connected, and our inner conflicts were once again entangled.
As usual, we were in the office. The thrill of our last encounter seemed to have been completely burned away by desire. Passion and longing intertwined, making fear pale in comparison.
She gave me a frenzied oral sex, scenes I used to only see in pictures on porn sites were now unfolding before my eyes. It wasn't just visual stimulation, but also a direct physical sensation.
She could send me to heaven with her mouth and skillful tongue, and sometimes she didn't ask for anything in return. For example, many times, she just gave me a blowjob, and all I had to do was lie on the bed or sit in a chair. She would unbuckle my belt, take off my pants, and then hold them in her hands like precious treasures, looking at me affectionately. Then she would begin to lick them slowly, coating them completely with saliva, and then gently open her lips to take them into her mouth. The feeling of being enveloped by her mouth was different from that of my body, because there was a skillful tongue inside my mouth constantly stimulating every nerve.
I don't know if she was so focused on this because of her simple liking and admiration for male genitalia or because of her love for me. Sister Wang said she liked the feeling of my body trembling with excitement, which made her excited and gave her a sense of accomplishment, because her husband no longer had that kind of passion. Their lives seemed to have lost their fun, and sex seemed to be just a routine, with nothing left except for a little physical pleasure.
Unlike before, we started kissing and hugging, just holding each other like lovers. Then I left reluctantly. I even wondered if we had started a distorted relationship, but neither of us wanted to admit it because we both wanted to keep our feelings and relationship under our control, which meant not affecting each other's lives.
In truth, many times, we're more like siblings. We exchange thoughts intimately, confide in each other about our family's happiness and conflicts, sincerely advise each other to cherish family and loved ones, help each other with what we can, and even chat warmly for a while if we bump into each other on the street. But when desire arises, we're no longer like each other in the sunlight; instead, we're filled with boundless warmth and longing, frantically demanding physical passion from each other. I truly don't know what's going on.
Then I think, while the sun shines brightly on the earth, how many men and women like us are doing the same thing in the dark corners?
After breaking our promise to "end" for the first time, we both avoided talking about the past. However, the conversation was no longer limited to explicit sex. It was only then that I began to truly understand this woman's inner world and genuinely wanted to explore her true purpose in taking this step.
I once tentatively brought up dating forums with her, and she said she wasn't interested. In subsequent conversations, I had good reason to believe that she wasn't interested in games like couples dating. Although she wasn't a chaste woman, her expectations of men were limited to emotional and spiritual comfort. Her desire for emotional and spiritual support could then develop into a physical relationship, but she didn't play games with life. She still had her own minimum principles that she believed were correct and adhered to: she could give up the physical for love, but she would never give up love for physical and spiritual stimulation. After understanding this, I gave up my probing.
Once a promise is broken, there's no point in maintaining it. Sister Wang and I, like children experiencing sex for the first time, frantically seized each other's bodies. But at that time, I was still torn, torn between continuing and ending. This tormented not only her but also my mind. We both rationally understood that continuing meant more risks, and even one discovery would be irreversible. Sister Wang told me that her colleagues had seen me in her office and asked about me.
She said I was her younger brother. Coupled with that office adventure, this series of events made me realize that we were gradually being exposed. Perhaps there were already rumors at her workplace, but we ourselves were unaware. Such things are always just gossip, and the parties involved are usually oblivious. Therefore, I always felt unsafe, with an inexplicable sense of crisis—a feeling that was impossible to define.
In my view, the fear of the unknown is far greater than the fear of the known. For something we know very well, even if it has tremendous destructive power, our understanding means we know the extent of its harm, and such fear is limited and has a certain range. But the unknown is different. Because we don't know its destructive power, we don't know the extent of its harm, so fear has no boundaries. It's like the feeling of an atomic bomb hanging overhead, a huge halo with no end in sight suddenly appearing above you, leaving you nowhere to hide and no time to run; or like suddenly being in a closed space where you can't see anything, with nowhere to hide and no idea how many hidden dangers lurk. I think we are probably at that stage of thinking, except that in addition to fear, we also have expectations and desires.

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