Tender Memories – My First Time (Part 1)

page views:1 Publication date:2016-05-16

PS: My writing isn't very good; this is just a record of my personal experience. It's my first successful attempt at writing a diary, so it's a bit verbose and redundant, just recording some processes and my feelings. If you want to get straight to the point, you can skip to the next installment. I hope my brother and sister-in-law won't blame me; I just wanted a place to vent.

— Just like many timeless classics, there are also boring beginnings; a thousand days of cultivation, just for that fleeting glimpse on QQ late at night. — I
've been lurking on QQ for almost four years, often online, but always with nothing to do. I've added many friends on QQ, but I usually just give simple greetings and don't take the initiative. Perhaps it's the inferiority complex or sense of inequality that comes with being a married single man that makes me afraid to have expectations. I initially came across this website because my married life is too infrequent. My wife is eight years younger than me, but she's not enthusiastic about sex. Every time we try to make plans, she always pours cold water on me, saying she's too tired, it's inconvenient, or she just doesn't want to. We've even argued about it. Over the years, I've gone from incomprehension to helplessness to acceptance. Isn't that just how it is between couples? Perhaps she's not old enough; sometimes she'd rather watch Korean dramas alone until she cries at night than engage in that mundane activity with me. It's not that she's indifferent; if she agrees, she'll enjoy my services with great enthusiasm. I hope things will improve as she gets older. In our married life, I masturbate far more often than we have actual sexual relations.
After reading more articles on 69 (a Chinese online forum), I've discovered I also have sexual inclinations, but given my wife's current situation, she's far from being ready to develop them. After all, family comes first, and I don't dare to try anything without ensuring it won't affect our family. I'll wait until she gets older and her desires gradually increase, as they're said, before bringing it up. Many husbands on the forum haven't been able to convince their wives and are hoping others will seduce them, which I think is also a dangerous behavior. What serious consequences would it have for the family if the other woman told her it was her husband's request, unless the wife has a strong desire and is psychologically accepting?
The above is a general overview of my situation, which led me to frequent 69 Paradise with an inexplicable attitude. Every now and then, I would search, add people, exchange brief greetings, and then continue my aimless wandering. This cycle repeated itself for several years, and I gradually upgraded to a top-tier member. I know that as a single man, if I'm not proactive enough, there's no hope, but that conflicted mindset prevents me from being too proactive. Some friends are more proactive in asking about my penis size right away, and I usually answer honestly, "Just average," but I don't really accept that. It might vary from person to person; some women prefer what's considered large. In my own experience, oral sex and handjobs are enough to bring a woman to orgasm multiple times, and the final penetration is just a process for the man (this might also vary from person to person).
Due to habitual thinking, when searching, I usually set the age criteria to under my age (currently 35) and local, so I can slowly connect with enough members. I add QQ numbers slowly, getting bored along the way. More than three years have passed in a flash. Although I haven't succeeded, I don't have too many regrets. Perhaps I'm conflicted inside, but there's also an underlying desire and impulse. In a search in March of this year, I tentatively searched for ages 36 and 37 and added a few QQ friends. I greeted them casually with a simple "hello," not expecting much, and it was usually just a one-off.
One late night, I logged into that alternate QQ account out of boredom. An avatar flashed, and I opened the chat. The other person didn't respond with a boring "hello," but greeted me politely, and we started chatting. The conversation wasn't long, but it was very sincere. I had only added this QQ account in March, and apart from my casual "hello," we hadn't exchanged anything. But this time, in a deeper conversation, this guy (let's call him that for now) frankly talked about his situation, mentioning past successful experiences, but those were years ago. He even asked if I knew how to give massages, and I honestly replied that I'd only given my wife haphazard massages and wasn't a professional. Then he mentioned he was interested in meeting next week. Although I couldn't believe it, I agreed, feeling both anticipation and fear. I also couldn't manage my time, so I didn't have high hopes. I had many ridiculous thoughts, like playing it by ear or what if the woman was too old or ugly for me to handle—after all, she was a bit older than me, while I was dealing with my wife who was almost nine years younger. I spent a few days in this anxious state, checking my alternate QQ account every day.
About a week later, on Tuesday at work, that QQ account suddenly went live, asking if I was free the next day, saying my wife was coming back from out of town and we should meet. My heart suddenly raced, my sphincter tightened, and my scalp tingled: Could it be real? Was I dreaming?! I quickly replied: Sure, but not too late (I rarely come home late unless something comes up). So we started talking about the time and place to meet. Both of us seemed very sincere, not caring where it was, so it didn't seem like a scam. Finally, the guy replied that we'd see tomorrow, which I agreed with, since my wife wasn't back yet, and deciding on a place too early. But through this chat, I felt the other person's authenticity; I wasn't just dreaming.
Although unsure, I still secretly slipped two condoms and a bottle of lubricant (just in case I needed a massage, since I'm not a professional and don't know if it would work) into my bag that night. Seeing my wife's sleeping face, I knew in my heart that I loved her, but… I didn't know how to explain it. The next day, I thought about the 69 blog posts I'd read before; they all mentioned preparing a small gift for their wives, but none of them wrote what to give. So I didn't know what gift would be appropriate. Cheap things wouldn't be presentable, and expensive things weren't financially feasible (my wife still manages the money at home; I only have pocket money for gambling). So, in a moment of impulsiveness, I asked a colleague with a card and bought a 500 yuan Central Bank card (this stupid idea was really ridiculous). That afternoon, my brother indeed contacted me, saying they were already at the hotel. Then I thought, "Great, let's have dinner together near the hotel. If we click, we'll see what happens; if not, we'll just finish dinner and call it a day." So I discussed it with my older brother. My sister-in-law is from Guangdong, and we've been talking about her. We're both from Guangdong, and we're both from Guangdong
... With a nervous heart, I took the subway. After exiting the station, I texted my older brother to say I'd arrived. He told me where he was, but I'd gone the wrong way. I turned back and walked towards the car he'd pointed to. In the distance, I saw a calm-looking, pretty girl sitting in the passenger seat. Her pure face made me almost unable to look directly at her; the only word that popped into my mind was: beautiful!
I wondered if she was my sister-in-law. But wasn't she older than me? How come she looked so young? Two thoughts immediately flashed through my mind: 1. With a sister-in-law this pretty, I probably have no chance today; 2. I'm just out for fun, making a friend wouldn't hurt. So, pretending to be calm, I approached the car, opened the door, and got in. Because I was going to a meeting in another place the next day, I was carrying a laptop backpack and wearing a jacket in this heat—a typical tech worker look… Meanwhile, my brother was casually dressed in a short-sleeved shirt, looking energetic. I sat crouchedly in the back, not daring to utter a sound, letting my brother drive us to a lobster restaurant. By this point, I completely trusted them. I didn't even take my laptop bag or handbag with me; I quickly pulled my wallet out and put it in my pocket before getting out of the car. It wasn't that I was worried, but I felt I should treat them to a meal on our first meeting. I wo
n't go into the details of the meal, but my sister-in-law absolutely loved lobster. She had just eaten some at noon and wasting not a single one—so adorable! My brother also ordered oysters, one for each of us (I don't know if that was what he meant). After the meal, my brother went to the restroom, and I went to the front desk to pay the bill. Then we went back to the car and headed to the karaoke bar. My brother knew the way, and when we arrived, he found a parking spot and let my sister-in-law and me go up first. Once inside the private room, I held my tongue, not daring to speak. My sister-in-law sang a few songs, sounding just like the original singers. Looking at my sister-in-law's youthful and beautiful figure, listening to her sing, and seeing that it was already 9 pm, I figured it was hopeless. But just seeing her face and hearing her beautiful voice was worth it. Even though she's called my sister-in-law, I don't really want to call her that; she seems like a girl who just graduated from university. She sang for a while, then chatted on her phone. I bought some water in between and also ordered a couple of songs for myself. After singing, my throat was burning, and I slowly finished the whole bottle of water. Time waits for no one; I was quite good at it when I was younger, but now I can't even manage two songs.
While I was out buying water, I called my wife to let her know that after having dinner with my boss, he was going out to sing karaoke at a KTV. When we got to the noisy area, my wife told me to drink less, but I said I hadn't, and then I hung up.
My brother didn't return for quite some time. He sang two songs, and my sister-in-law sang a few more. Then everyone said they didn't want to sing anymore. Looking at the time, it was past 10 PM. My sister-in-law said she was too tired and wanted to go home to sleep, so she got in the car and drove to the hotel. On the way, she mentioned that she had just finished her night shift the previous morning and hadn't rested at all. She was exhausted. I felt sorry for her and thought it was worth it to have fun today. I figured I'd take a taxi home from the hotel, and maybe we could meet again sometime. Besides, I figured she probably wouldn't be interested in me anyway. When we were almost at the hotel, either my brother or sister-in-law asked (I can't remember exactly): "How are you going to get home?" As I suspected, it was hopeless, so I immediately said: "I'll just take a taxi to the subway station, it's not far. Sister-in-law, you're tired, you all get some rest." Then, feeling a little resigned, I waited for the car to park and got out to go back. When we stopped at the hotel entrance, my brother suddenly said casually, "Why don't you come up for a bit?" I was surprised and quickly said, "Sure, let's sit down."
Again, my brother found a place to park, and my sister-in-law and I went up first. I felt a little bad for my sister-in-law; she was so tired, and I had the audacity to disturb her. After getting to the room, I sat on a stool, watching TV idly, while my sister-in-law lay there playing on her phone. I thought about it and regretted it; wasn't I disturbing their rest? Then my brother came back, and we chatted aimlessly for a bit, then everyone just watched the same boring TV—I sat on the stool, and my brother and sister-in-law lay on the bed. I started to berate myself: my brother had only politely said "let's sit down," and he actually came up. Not wanting to say it directly, I opened QQ and said to my brother, "It's so late, my sister-in-law is tired, should I go back first?"
I waited anxiously for his reply, then prepared to grab my bag and leave. Unexpectedly, my brother replied: "Want to stretch your legs a bit?" I felt a chill run down my spine and my anus tighten. But reason told me not to get too excited. I replied to him on QQ: "That depends on your wife. She's so tired, and she's so beautiful, she'll only agree if she likes someone. If she needs a massage, I can give her one." He replied: "You know how? No problem, it'll be quick, I'll talk to her." I said, "Just a random massage, not professional." He replied, "Then I'll ask her." I said, "I'll go out first, I'll come back for my bag if it's okay!" Then I went out (afterwards I felt stupid again, leaving my bag there and what if my wife didn't want it, and I had to come back for it, how awkward).
After wandering around downstairs for a while, he replied: She agreed, she went to take a shower. After reading this, I, with my poor writing skills, didn't know how to describe my feelings. So I went upstairs again. He maintained his usual seemingly wooden yet humorous attitude, which actually made me feel closer to him. I asked him if I should take a shower later. He said, "You decide," without giving a direct answer. Perhaps I'm a bit sensitive, but I felt the answer to this question was very important. If I said no, then maybe I could just give my sister-in-law a massage; if she said she needed to wash, then we could go further. My brother-in-law was being so polite, which meant he tacitly agreed. So I waited anxiously for my sister-in-law to come out, but I didn't expect her to take so long to wash; I guess she's a very clean person. In the middle of the night, I secretly took out lubricant and condoms from my bag and put them on my penis. I gently squeezed the lubricant and condoms, then slowly applied them to my vagina ...PS: My writing isn't very good; this is just a record of my personal experience. It's my first successful attempt at writing a diary, so it's a bit verbose and redundant, just recording some processes and my feelings. If you want to get straight to the point, you can skip to the next installment. I hope my brother and sister-in-law won't blame me; I just wanted a place to vent.

— Just like many timeless classics, there are also boring beginnings; a thousand days of cultivation, just for that fleeting glimpse on QQ late at night. — I
've been lurking on QQ for almost four years, often online, but always with nothing to do. I've added many friends on QQ, but I usually just give simple greetings and don't take the initiative. Perhaps it's the inferiority complex or sense of inequality that comes with being a married single man that makes me afraid to have expectations. I initially came across this website because my married life is too infrequent. My wife is eight years younger than me, but she's not enthusiastic about sex. Every time we try to make plans, she always pours cold water on me, saying she's too tired, it's inconvenient, or she just doesn't want to. We've even argued about it. Over the years, I've gone from incomprehension to helplessness to acceptance. Isn't that just how it is between couples? Perhaps she's not old enough; sometimes she'd rather watch Korean dramas alone until she cries at night than engage in that mundane activity with me. It's not that she's indifferent; if she agrees, she'll enjoy my services with great enthusiasm. I hope things will improve as she gets older. In our married life, I masturbate far more often than we have actual sexual relations.
After reading more articles on 69 (a Chinese online forum), I've discovered I also have sexual inclinations, but given my wife's current situation, she's far from being ready to develop them. After all, family comes first, and I don't dare to try anything without ensuring it won't affect our family. I'll wait until she gets older and her desires gradually increase, as they're said, before bringing it up. Many husbands on the forum haven't been able to convince their wives and are hoping others will seduce them, which I think is also a dangerous behavior. What serious consequences would it have for the family if the other woman told her it was her husband's request, unless the wife has a strong desire and is psychologically accepting?
The above is a general overview of my situation, which led me to frequent 69 Paradise with an inexplicable attitude. Every now and then, I would search, add people, exchange brief greetings, and then continue my aimless wandering. This cycle repeated itself for several years, and I gradually upgraded to a top-tier member. I know that as a single man, if I'm not proactive enough, there's no hope, but that conflicted mindset prevents me from being too proactive. Some friends are more proactive in asking about my penis size right away, and I usually answer honestly, "Just average," but I don't really accept that. It might vary from person to person; some women prefer what's considered large. In my own experience, oral sex and handjobs are enough to bring a woman to orgasm multiple times, and the final penetration is just a process for the man (this might also vary from person to person).
Due to habitual thinking, when searching, I usually set the age criteria to under my age (currently 35) and local, so I can slowly connect with enough members. I add QQ numbers slowly, getting bored along the way. More than three years have passed in a flash. Although I haven't succeeded, I don't have too many regrets. Perhaps I'm conflicted inside, but there's also an underlying desire and impulse. In a search in March of this year, I tentatively searched for ages 36 and 37 and added a few QQ friends. I greeted them casually with a simple "hello," not expecting much, and it was usually just a one-off.
One late night, I logged into that alternate QQ account out of boredom. An avatar flashed, and I opened the chat. The other person didn't respond with a boring "hello," but greeted me politely, and we started chatting. The conversation wasn't long, but it was very sincere. I had only added this QQ account in March, and apart from my casual "hello," we hadn't exchanged anything. But this time, in a deeper conversation, this guy (let's call him that for now) frankly talked about his situation, mentioning past successful experiences, but those were years ago. He even asked if I knew how to give massages, and I honestly replied that I'd only given my wife haphazard massages and wasn't a professional. Then he mentioned he was interested in meeting next week. Although I couldn't believe it, I agreed, feeling both anticipation and fear. I also couldn't manage my time, so I didn't have high hopes. I had many ridiculous thoughts, like playing it by ear or what if the woman was too old or ugly for me to handle—after all, she was a bit older than me, while I was dealing with my wife who was almost nine years younger. I spent a few days in this anxious state, checking my alternate QQ account every day.
About a week later, on Tuesday at work, that QQ account suddenly went live, asking if I was free the next day, saying my wife was coming back from out of town and we should meet. My heart suddenly raced, my sphincter tightened, and my scalp tingled: Could it be real? Was I dreaming?! I quickly replied: Sure, but not too late (I rarely come home late unless something comes up). So we started talking about the time and place to meet. Both of us seemed very sincere, not caring where it was, so it didn't seem like a scam. Finally, the guy replied that we'd see tomorrow, which I agreed with, since my wife wasn't back yet, and deciding on a place too early. But through this chat, I felt the other person's authenticity; I wasn't just dreaming.
Although unsure, I still secretly slipped two condoms and a bottle of lubricant (just in case I needed a massage, since I'm not a professional and don't know if it would work) into my bag that night. Seeing my wife's sleeping face, I knew in my heart that I loved her, but… I didn't know how to explain it. The next day, I thought about the 69 blog posts I'd read before; they all mentioned preparing a small gift for their wives, but none of them wrote what to give. So I didn't know what gift would be appropriate. Cheap things wouldn't be presentable, and expensive things weren't financially feasible (my wife still manages the money at home; I only have pocket money for gambling). So, in a moment of impulsiveness, I asked a colleague with a card and bought a 500 yuan Central Bank card (this stupid idea was really ridiculous). That afternoon, my brother indeed contacted me, saying they were already at the hotel. Then I thought, "Great, let's have dinner together near the hotel. If we click, we'll see what happens; if not, we'll just finish dinner and call it a day." So I discussed it with my older brother. My sister-in-law is from Guangdong, and we've been talking about her. We're both from Guangdong, and we're both from Guangdong
... With a nervous heart, I took the subway. After exiting the station, I texted my older brother to say I'd arrived. He told me where he was, but I'd gone the wrong way. I turned back and walked towards the car he'd pointed to. In the distance, I saw a calm-looking, pretty girl sitting in the passenger seat. Her pure face made me almost unable to look directly at her; the only word that popped into my mind was: beautiful!
I wondered if she was my sister-in-law. But wasn't she older than me? How come she looked so young? Two thoughts immediately flashed through my mind: 1. With a sister-in-law this pretty, I probably have no chance today; 2. I'm just out for fun, making a friend wouldn't hurt. So, pretending to be calm, I approached the car, opened the door, and got in. Because I was going to a meeting in another place the next day, I was carrying a laptop backpack and wearing a jacket in this heat—a typical tech worker look… Meanwhile, my brother was casually dressed in a short-sleeved shirt, looking energetic. I sat crouchedly in the back, not daring to utter a sound, letting my brother drive us to a lobster restaurant. By this point, I completely trusted them. I didn't even take my laptop bag or handbag with me; I quickly pulled my wallet out and put it in my pocket before getting out of the car. It wasn't that I was worried, but I felt I should treat them to a meal on our first meeting. I wo
n't go into the details of the meal, but my sister-in-law absolutely loved lobster. She had just eaten some at noon and wasting not a single one—so adorable! My brother also ordered oysters, one for each of us (I don't know if that was what he meant). After the meal, my brother went to the restroom, and I went to the front desk to pay the bill. Then we went back to the car and headed to the karaoke bar. My brother knew the way, and when we arrived, he found a parking spot and let my sister-in-law and me go up first. Once inside the private room, I held my tongue, not daring to speak. My sister-in-law sang a few songs, sounding just like the original singers. Looking at my sister-in-law's youthful and beautiful figure, listening to her sing, and seeing that it was already 9 pm, I figured it was hopeless. But just seeing her face and hearing her beautiful voice was worth it. Even though she's called my sister-in-law, I don't really want to call her that; she seems like a girl who just graduated from university. She sang for a while, then chatted on her phone. I bought some water in between and also ordered a couple of songs for myself. After singing, my throat was burning, and I slowly finished the whole bottle of water. Time waits for no one; I was quite good at it when I was younger, but now I can't even manage two songs.
While I was out buying water, I called my wife to let her know that after having dinner with my boss, he was going out to sing karaoke at a KTV. When we got to the noisy area, my wife told me to drink less, but I said I hadn't, and then I hung up.
My brother didn't return for quite some time. He sang two songs, and my sister-in-law sang a few more. Then everyone said they didn't want to sing anymore. Looking at the time, it was past 10 PM. My sister-in-law said she was too tired and wanted to go home to sleep, so she got in the car and drove to the hotel. On the way, she mentioned that she had just finished her night shift the previous morning and hadn't rested at all. She was exhausted. I felt sorry for her and thought it was worth it to have fun today. I figured I'd take a taxi home from the hotel, and maybe we could meet again sometime. Besides, I figured she probably wouldn't be interested in me anyway. When we were almost at the hotel, either my brother or sister-in-law asked (I can't remember exactly): "How are you going to get home?" As I suspected, it was hopeless, so I immediately said: "I'll just take a taxi to the subway station, it's not far. Sister-in-law, you're tired, you all get some rest." Then, feeling a little resigned, I waited for the car to park and got out to go back. When we stopped at the hotel entrance, my brother suddenly said casually, "Why don't you come up for a bit?" I was surprised and quickly said, "Sure, let's sit down."
Again, my brother found a place to park, and my sister-in-law and I went up first. I felt a little bad for my sister-in-law; she was so tired, and I had the audacity to disturb her. After getting to the room, I sat on a stool, watching TV idly, while my sister-in-law lay there playing on her phone. I thought about it and regretted it; wasn't I disturbing their rest? Then my brother came back, and we chatted aimlessly for a bit, then everyone just watched the same boring TV—I sat on the stool, and my brother and sister-in-law lay on the bed. I started to berate myself: my brother had only politely said "let's sit down," and he actually came up. Not wanting to say it directly, I opened QQ and said to my brother, "It's so late, my sister-in-law is tired, should I go back first?"
I waited anxiously for his reply, then prepared to grab my bag and leave. Unexpectedly, my brother replied: "Want to stretch your legs a bit?" I felt a chill run down my spine and my anus tighten. But reason told me not to get too excited. I replied to him on QQ: "That depends on your wife. She's so tired, and she's so beautiful, she'll only agree if she likes someone. If she needs a massage, I can give her one." He replied: "You know how? No problem, it'll be quick, I'll talk to her." I said, "Just a random massage, not professional." He replied, "Then I'll ask her." I said, "I'll go out first, I'll come back for my bag if it's okay!" Then I went out (afterwards I felt stupid again, leaving my bag there and what if my wife didn't want it, and I had to come back for it, how awkward).
After wandering around downstairs for a while, he replied: She agreed, she went to take a shower. After reading this, I, with my poor writing skills, didn't know how to describe my feelings. So I went upstairs again. He maintained his usual seemingly wooden yet humorous attitude, which actually made me feel closer to him. I asked him if I should take a shower later. He said, "You decide," without giving a direct answer. Perhaps I'm a bit sensitive, but I felt the answer to this question was very important. If I said no, then maybe I could just give my sister-in-law a massage; if she said she needed to wash, then we could go further. My brother-in-law was being so polite, which meant he tacitly agreed. So I waited anxiously for my sister-in-law to come out, but I didn't expect her to take so long to wash; I guess she's a very clean person. In the middle of the night, I secretly took out lubricant and condoms from my bag and put them on my penis. I gently squeezed the lubricant and condoms, then slowly applied them to my vagina ...

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Tender Memories – My First Time (Part 1)

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