[Repost] Top 10 most outrageous affairs - you'll regret it if you don't read this!

page views:1 Publication date:2012-10-21

I. The Most "Heartwarming" Affair. A woman was lying in bed with her lover when she suddenly heard her husband enter the room. "Quick! Stand in that corner and don't move!" The woman quickly rubbed him all over with baby oil and sprinkled him with lime powder, whispering, "Stand still and pretend you're a plaster statue." When her husband entered the room, he pointed to the thing in the corner: "What's that?" The woman calmly replied, "Oh! Just a plaster statue. The Cai family has one in their bedroom too, and I thought it was quite pretty, so I got one to decorate my home." The couple never talked about the plaster statue again until they went to bed. Around two in the morning, the husband got up to eat in the kitchen. When he returned to the room, he was holding a sandwich and a glass of milk. He handed it to the plaster statue and said, "Here, have something to eat! Don't be like me, standing in the Cai family's house for three days without even a sip of water." II. The Most "Comical" Affair. Both husband and wife had lovers outside the marriage and often went out to seek excitement. They rarely spent the night together. One day, both were home, feeling a little guilty towards each other, and were unusually affectionate. Unexpectedly, they slept soundly until the early hours of the morning when the wife suddenly sat up, shouting in her sleep, "Oh no! My husband's home!" Hearing this, the husband immediately jumped up, grabbed all his clothes, and leaped out the window... III. The most "coincidental" affair. A woman was secretly having an affair while her husband was at work. One day, while they were in bed, the woman heard her husband's car returning. She anxiously called to her lover, "Quickly grab your clothes and jump out the window!" Her lover looked and said, "It's raining heavily outside, you want me to jump?" "If my husband catches us, we're dead!" the woman cried. Her lover had no choice but to grab his clothes and jump out the window. However, he landed right in the middle of a group of marathon runners, and had to join the race while still holding his clothes. One runner asked him, "Do you usually run naked?" He replied, panting, "Yes, it reduces air resistance." Another runner asked the naked man, "Do you usually carry your clothes with you when you run?" He replied, still slightly out of breath, "Yes, so I can put them on after the race and drive home." The man then asked, "Do you usually wear condoms while running?" The man said, "Only when it rains."
IV. The Most "Expensive" Affair. One night, a man walked into a bar and said to the bartender, "Please give me a beer." The bartender replied, "Okay, a beer for one cent." The customer didn't believe him and shouted, "A beer for one cent?!" The bartender said, "Exactly, one cent!" The customer looked at the menu and said, "Could I have a large ribeye steak, plus mushrooms, fries, and two fried eggs?" The bartender said, "Of course, but that's quite expensive." The customer asked, "How much will it cost?" The bartender replied, "Four cents in total!" The customer asked, "Where is the owner of this bar?" The bartender said, "Upstairs with my wife!" The customer asked, "What is he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender replied, "Just like what I'm doing downstairs at his bar!" V. The Most "Corrupt" Affair. A boss was on a business trip for several days. Feeling lonely, he went to a nightclub to find a beautiful woman. He had a one-night stand and spent a thousand. To avoid being questioned by his wife, who was in charge of finances, he made a repair receipt with the note: "It's so hot, the tire burst, replaced with a new one."VI. The Most "Perplexing" Case of Adultery. There was a seaside village where most of the men were often away at sea for long periods. Almost every woman in the village had an affair, but afterward, they would go to the priest to confess. After a while, the priest suggested to the women, "From now on, let's call adultery 'falling down.' Just say '[falling down]' and I'll know!" Later, the old priest retired. Before he left, he specifically instructed the village chief to convey the meaning of "[falling down]" to the new priest, but after the new priest took office, the village chief forgot to tell him this. The women still went to the priest to confess, and every day someone would tell the priest, "I fell down today." Because so many people were falling down, the priest went to the village chief and suggested that he improve the road construction to prevent so many people from falling down. Unexpectedly, the village chief laughed heartily. The priest, not understanding why, saw the village chief laughing so happily and angrily said, "What are you laughing at! The village chief's wife has fallen down three times this week!"VII. The Most "Unforgettable" Affair. A funeral director was working late one day. His job usually involved conducting detailed examinations of the deceased's bodies before burial or cremation. While examining Mr. Wang's body, he was astonished to discover that Mr. Wang's penis was the longest and largest he had ever seen. "Mr. Wang, I'm so sorry! I can't just send you to cremation like this. That special thing of yours must be preserved for future generations." So the coroner took a scalpel, cut off the penis, wrapped it up, and put it in his bag to take home. He first showed it to his wife: "Honey, I'm going to show you something you absolutely won't believe!" He opened the bag, took out the penis, and his wife exclaimed, "Oh my god! Mr. Wang is dead!" VIII. The Most "Unexpected" Affair. A middle-aged couple had two very beautiful daughters, but they longed for a son. They finally decided to make one last attempt. After several months of trying, their efforts paid off; the wife became pregnant, and nine months later, she gave birth to a healthy baby boy. The happy father rushed to the nursery to see his newborn son, only to be horrified by what he saw. His son was the ugliest baby he had ever seen. He ran to his wife and told her that he could never be the baby's father, and fiercely questioned her: "Have you been cheating on me?" His wife smiled sweetly at him and said, "Not this time." 9. The most "tragic" affair. Old Zheng lay dying in his hospital bed. His wife, Xiao Chan, sat beside him, holding his hand, tears streaming down her face, murmuring prayers. Old Zheng opened his weak eyes and looked at Xiao Chan, his pale lips parting to whisper: "My dear Xiao Chan..." Xiao Chan covered his mouth: "You're tired! Sleep quietly, be good, don't speak!" Old Zheng said weakly, "But, I have something I must tell you!" "There's nothing to tell you! You're tired, just sleep!" Xiao Chan sobbed. "No! No! No! I must confess, I want to die peacefully. I slept with your sister, your best friend, and your best friend's friend." Xiao Chan sobbed softly, "I know, that's why I poisoned you!"
10. The most compromising affair. Two women were drinking in the suburbs until dawn. On their way back, they desperately needed to urinate, so they reluctantly walked into a roadside cemetery. Since they hadn't brought toilet paper, the first woman took off her underwear to wipe herself and then threw it away. The second woman found a wreath nearby, tore off a couplet, and wiped herself with it. Not long after the two women returned home, their husbands called each other. "Looks like we need to be careful. Those two definitely did something last night. I found my wife wasn't wearing underwear when she came home!" "I'm in even worse shape. I found a note stuck to my wife's butt that said: 'I will never forget you!'"

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