A Mother's Personal Account

page views:1 Publication date:2012-11-10

Recounted by: 49-year-old woman. My husband passed away from cirrhosis eight years ago. At the time, my son was 16. We were relatively well-off and had no problem with our housing.
Initially, my son, probably worried I was lonely, would chat with me at night. Once, I had a fever. He took care of me every night and slept in the same bed with me.
After I recovered, I would send him back to his room, but sometimes he wouldn't leave. He would even playfully say he wanted to nurse. I refused, but he wouldn't leave. Afraid of affecting his school, I would let him touch me and quickly send him back to his room to sleep.
Later, sometimes he would come to my room in the middle of the night wanting to nurse, saying he couldn't sleep without it. I didn't want to argue with him, so I would let him nurse a little. But as time went on, he became increasingly demanding and his behavior became more and more abnormal. I felt increasingly uneasy.
I firmly refused and subtly taught him not to overthink things. He was distracted and told to focus on his studies so his father wouldn't worry in the afterlife. This kept him quiet for a while. But
during summer vacation, his behavior changed again. He often left the bathroom door open while showering and would use excuses to ask me to bring him things to the bathroom. I got angry and scolded him
for being inconsiderate. He then came out naked to get them himself. Afterwards, he would try to appease me, kissing my cheeks and hugging me, especially when he hugged me from behind; I felt him consciously thrusting against me. Although I was also a little aroused by his advances, I managed to control myself. I was genuinely angry, so I scolded him and also taught him not to think about things he didn't need. But it was probably too late. The more I scolded him, even hit him, the less it worked. At night, he would sometimes climb on top of me and grope me, but the way he groped and groped was completely different from how he was as a child.
A few times, after groping me, he would continue to grope me until very late. He fell asleep right next to me. I knew he had ulterior motives, so I was on guard. I only put my upper body in his clothes, leaving him relatively safe. He would lift my pajamas and touch me. At the time, I thought he probably just wanted to have contact with a woman; he wouldn't force me, would he?
But one night, he ate for a long time, and I was almost drowsy when he suddenly cut the narrowest part of my underwear. I immediately got up and hit him, but it was no use. He held me tightly, kissed me... and immediately penetrated me. I instantly lost the ability to resist, numb from his clumsy movements. At that moment, I felt no lust, only anger. If I could have reached that pair of scissors, I would have killed him
. Minutes later, he came downstairs, and I burst into tears. He was terrified. He knelt down in front of the bed and begged for forgiveness, crying, "Mom, I love you, I love you so much. At first, I felt sorry for you, and I thought about letting you find a man. After all, you're only in your early forties, you have a long life ahead of you. But later, whenever I saw you in your pajamas or pretty clothes, your figure, your body, especially those two big breasts I touched and ate when I was little, and that round, big buttocks, I would have all sorts of fantasies. I wanted to hold you tightly to sleep almost every night. I really couldn't sleep without touching and nibbling on your breasts. I kept imagining what my genitals would look like. I even peeked at you taking a bath. I imagined making love with you almost every moment; it was my dream. But I was afraid of hurting you and Dad, so I kept restraining myself. You must have felt me consciously thrusting against you when I hugged you from behind. Tonight, I couldn't hold back anymore." Now that I've done it, I know I was wrong. Even killing me wouldn't be too much for you. You're my good mother; whatever you do to me wouldn't be wrong, I wouldn't complain. But I must tell you, I truly love you now, not just a son's love for his mother, but a man's sincere love for a woman. You can't imagine how much I love you. I want you; I will never love another woman in this life.
I painfully got out of bed and hugged him tightly, and he hugged me even tighter… At that moment, what he had ejaculated inside me flowed out. I went downstairs to wash, and he followed me to the bathroom. Seeing my naked lower body, he must have been unable to resist again. After I finished washing, he carried me back to bed.
I said, "You're grown up now, you have sexual desires, that's normal. If it really doesn't work, you young people are very open now, you can find someone. Why did you have designs on your mother?"
He said, "It's not like that, I only love you… I can never love another girl in this life. I know this is wrong, it's incest. But I can't pull myself out, I can't stop thinking about you, stop loving you. If you don't want this, I only have one way out: if you don't kill me, I will commit suicide." He hugged me… and said: Anyway, I've made up my mind. I'll never get married or have children in this life. You can't have me, but you won't kill me, so... My thoughts might be absurd, but that's how I imagine it. You'll always be my good mother and the woman I love most. I came from you (touches my genitals, though I've changed into new underwear). My whole self came out of there, so why can't I put a part of myself back in? I caused you a lot of pain when I came out, but now putting a part of myself back in will make you happy and comfortable, so why can't it be?
I laughed through my tears. "You even have a theoretical basis now!" he said. "I read online that women in their forties are at their most virile, and you can't live without a man, but I don't want other men with you." He started kissing me even more passionately… I was completely weak from his ministrations. He said, "Mom, can I take one last look at where I came from?" I didn't answer, and I closed my eyes. He spread my legs and looked closely… I sat up and hugged him tightly… He then fell down on top of me, climbed on my body, and penetrated my vagina… He tossed and turned for over 40 minutes until we were both exhausted and drenched in sweat.
That was it . So we started a new life. To outsiders, we were a normal, close mother and son, but at home we were a loving couple. Even during our climax, he would still call me "Mom," and I would call him by his nickname. He was very strong, thanks to my excellent care. So almost every night he would leave us exhausted before we could sleep.
However, this didn't affect his studies at all; in fact, he progressed even faster. In his first year of high school, he was just average, but after we reconciled, without any worries, his studies improved rapidly. By the end of his second year, he was first in his grade and got into a top university in Beijing. However, we both faced difficulties while he was studying there. After graduation, at my repeated urging, he started dating someone, and thankfully, they got married last year. Their sex life is normal. Of course, I didn't believe my son's words; I only felt relieved after confirming it with my daughter-in-law.
To be honest, I didn't want him to leave me, but I am, after all, his mother, and I can't ignore his future. But this boy truly loves me; he still wants to be with me whenever he has the chance. He said, "Is my wife ready to be with me?" I believe that's a lie, but I'm still happy.

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