Secretly

page views:1 Publication date:2023-08-24

I climbed the stairs and gently pushed open the emergency door leading to the rooftop.
Although I tried to be as quiet as possible, the old, neglected metal bolt creaked and groaned incongruously the moment I turned the handle.
I stood at the stairwell for a while, making sure the metallic scraping didn't disturb anyone, before tiptoeing onto the roof and finding a sheltered corner to sit down.
Gazing at the sparsely starry night sky, I took out my cigarette case and cell phone from my coat pocket, lit a cigarette, and waited until the cool minty aroma slowly seeped into my lungs before my previously agitated emotions gradually calmed down.
In my youth, I learned to smoke at the urging of a friend, but after becoming pregnant, I resolutely quit for the health of the unborn child within me—
until that gunshot.
If it weren't for that gunshot, I wouldn't be here on this dimly lit, quiet rooftop, unable to sleep, using the nicotine in cigarettes to temporarily soothe the troubles that have plagued me for days.
It's ironic that the reason I quit smoking before has now become the excuse for picking up cigarettes again… Thinking about it now, it's truly ironic.
My husband noticed my unusual behavior and asked what was bothering me, but every time I wanted to say something, I hesitated for a long time, ultimately choosing to make up some excuse.
After all, I've always lacked the courage to tell my husband about our son's strange behavior last Sunday.
I remember last Sunday, my husband invited me to his company party, but because I wasn't very familiar with his colleagues and friends, I declined, saying I wanted to stay home and take care of our son.
Anyway, when those men get together, they either talk about politics or economic trends that I have no interest in. Since that's the case, it's more practical for me to stay home and spend time with my only precious son.
That evening, after dinner, my son and I let him watch TV for a while before urging him to take a shower and do his homework. I then took care of the housework between the kitchen and the balcony. After finally washing the dishes and hanging up the laundry, I took the pre-cut fruit to his bedroom door.
Seeing that the door was ajar, I assumed he was studying and, not wanting to distract him, I pushed it open without a word. However, when I saw him sitting at his desk, wearing headphones, lewdly masturbating while watching the screen, I was so shocked I almost dropped the fruit.
"Zhou Yanbo, what are you doing?!"
I yelled at him angrily.
"Ah! Mom! You… why… why didn't you knock before coming in?!" After the initial shock and disbelief, and then seeing my son hastily shoving his erect penis back into his pants, my anger instantly turned into utter embarrassment.
Although it was just a fleeting glimpse, my son's exaggerated size, comparable to that of an adult man, had left a deep impression on my mind.
(How could my son's little penis have become so big?!) I remember when he was born, his penis was only the size of a peanut. Who would have thought that after so many years, it would be so different from the size I remembered?!
The shock of my son's drastic physical change also made my originally calm emotions become chaotic.
(How old is he? If I remember correctly, he should only be fourteen years old, right? Hmm... a fourteen-year-old boy...)
"Xiao Yan, when... when did you start masturbating?" Although I tried to keep my tone gentle and try to eliminate the awkwardness between us, as soon as I said that question, I felt that the most awkward person at that moment was actually me.
After all, I think it's always inappropriate for a woman to ask a boy when he started masturbating, regardless of the relationship between the two.
(Such an embarrassing question...shouldn't it be better to leave it to his father to ask?)
"Ah! Uh...um...I...last time I went to Zhang Yanqing's house, he lent me a CD..." As I regretted my question, my son timidly told me the truth.
After all, I had also gone through that awkward and confused adolescence, and I had heard from my colleagues and friends about the behavior of their own teenagers...
Thinking of this, and seeing his obedient look of knowing he had done wrong, I couldn't bear to scold him any further.
"Hmm...you're in your adolescence now, so it's not surprising that you would do this...but it's best to stop this kind of thing in moderation and not let it affect your studies. Understand?"
"Yes."
"Alright, now if you don't have anything to do, focus more on your studies and don't watch those messy things anymore."
I hurriedly said this and immediately turned to leave. Unexpectedly, as soon as I took my left foot forward, my right hand was tightly grabbed by my son.
"Mom, wait a minute, I want to show you something."
"What is it?"
I turned my head and saw that my son had pulled out his erect penis again and was masturbating in front of me. I panicked and couldn't help but scream, "Ah! What are you doing!"
Unexpectedly, he didn't seem to care at all. Instead, he grabbed my hand and started stroking his penis, saying, "Mom, wait a minute, it'll be over soon."
"What are you doing! If you keep doing this, I'm going to get angry!"
I yelled at him angrily.
I never expected that my precious son, who would usually be terrified if I was even slightly stern, seemed to be under some kind of spell today. He not only ignored my harsh reprimands but also shamelessly continued stroking his already erect penis in front of me.
"Zhou Yanbo, what are you trying to do? Let go!"
"Mom, wait a minute... I have a very strange question to ask you... Oh... Mom... You... Look... Oh... Mom... It's coming out—"
As he finished speaking, a thick stream of white semen shot out from his penis, accompanied by my son's moan that made my face flush and my heart race. It drew a clear, snow-white arc in the air and landed right in front of my feet.
"Zhou Yanbo! You!"
I pointed at the white semen on the ground, both ashamed and angry. But my son, holding his gradually softening penis, cleaned up the remaining filth with toilet paper and said, "Mom, what I want to ask is, what was that white stuff I just peed out?"
"Uh..."
I was stunned. "That's... um... Didn't your school teachers teach you that?"
"No." My son shook his head seriously.
(Could it be... I misunderstood him?) Still in a state of confusion, I instinctively went along with his words, answering, "That white, cloudy liquid is semen—the stuff that can get a girl pregnant."
After saying that, I was immediately embarrassed and didn't know what to do.
So, I pretended to be angry and grabbed the toilet paper from his bedside table, wiping the mess on the floor while scolding him, "Couldn't you just say it directly? Why did you do this in front of Mom, and make such a mess of the floor!"
"No, Mom, what I really wanted to ask was, why did I feel a strange, comfortable sensation, like releasing some kind of pressure, when I peed... well... semen?"
"Hmm..."
I paused in my wiping of the floor. "Mom doesn't know! This question... you should ask your dad yourself sometime." I fled my son's room in a panic. Back in my room, I lay on the bed, taking deep breaths and trying to calm myself.
However, the more I tried to forget what had just happened, the more my son's strange, almost possessed behavior lingered in my mind, refusing to leave.
Not only that, but whenever I thought of my son's erect penis and the white fluid that gushed out in front of me, my body inexplicably began to heat up. Finally, I involuntarily touched my swollen breasts with one hand and reached for my underwear with the other... it was wet!
How could this be?
Before I could think any further, a surge of intense desire shot from my genitals to my brain, and my hand, which had been resting on my underwear, eagerly pulled it aside and inserted my slender middle finger directly into his already soaking wet vagina, slowly thrusting in and out.
"Mmm...mmm...this...this feeling...is so good...oh...if it were...Xiao Yan's penis..."
"Mmm!" I, who had been enjoying the pleasure of masturbation with my eyes closed, suddenly felt as if I were caught in bed with my husband and his men while having an affair. I was so shocked that I jumped up from the bed instantly.
(How could I have such a terrible thought?) As soon as this thought flashed through my mind, somehow, my fingers uncontrollably went into my already overflowing private parts and began to stir and thrust in and out of the passage with even faster and stronger movements than before.
"Mmm...mmm...no...I can't do this...although I don't know this is wrong, I really want...I really want to call Xiao Yan in...to help me...mmm...um...ah...I can't take it anymore..."
I didn't expect that as soon as this thought surfaced in my mind, I instantly reached the peak of orgasm!
The intense, thrilling pleasure that struck the depths of my desire made my reason seem to be instantly pulled away, and I almost fainted.
I don't know how much time passed, but as my remaining rationality returned and the blurry vision gradually cleared, I realized I was lying on the bed, disheveled.
(How could this be? I just fantasized about having sex with my son? And the feeling seemed...)
"No! I have to ask someone..."
"That's normal!" Shang Linghan, a colleague I'm quite close to, answered me. "When my son was in junior high, he used to steal my underwear that I left in the bathroom and then hide in his room, washing the unwashed underwear while masturbating. His behavior proves his sexual orientation is fine, so you should be happy."
"Besides, teenage boys, unable to find a suitable object to release their pent-up energy, resort to fantasizing about their mothers. Let me put it this way, Shuxian, generally speaking, once most teenage boys understand what sex is, and after having girlfriends and experiencing it firsthand, these little devils gradually lose interest in older women like us..."
Shang Linghan, seven years older than me, was originally a dutiful married woman. However, two years ago, she discovered her husband was not only having an affair but also had a child with another woman. Enraged, she immediately divorced him, securing substantial alimony and custody of the child.
Since then, the blow of her divorce seems to have changed her drastically. Not only has her thinking become more open, but her private life has also become...incredibly bizarre.
Because she could discuss some rather private topics with me without any reservations, I hesitated and struggled for two days before finally telling him about my son secretly masturbating in his room. Of course, I ultimately kept the fact that he had masturbated in front of me, as well as my forbidden fantasies about him, a private matter.
However, this mature woman, who had already entered her forties, seemed to suffer from "middle-aged woman rambling syndrome." I had only started a conversation, and she had already launched into a long and rambling monologue.
"Hey... I used to think that as long as my husband came home for dinner on time and spent more time with my son and me on his days off, a simple life would be fine. Who knew men wanted more than that? Shuxian, let me give you some advice: a man's dream partner isn't just someone who acts like a lady in public, a housewife at home, and a slut in bed!
Deep down, they actually want to turn their wives into their personal sex slaves, at their beck and call.
But then again, as long as a man has money, no matter how old or ugly, he can always buy his dream of young true love. But for women, at my age, even if I'm rich, I can't buy the heart of a young, handsome man, except for my son who just started high school..." Hmm? That sounds a bit strange.
Although I could tell she seemed to be implying something, since she didn't say it outright, I didn't bother to ask. After
all, it wasn't something I was currently eager to figure out. But honestly, if I were to reveal my true feelings to her, I simply didn't have the courage.
As for my husband… I couldn't possibly tell him the whole truth.
Because, deep down, I'm terrified!
I don't know if, after hearing my strange thoughts, he'll be able to face this problem with me honestly, offer me the right solution, or even treat me without any resentment as before.
It was my son's gunshot that suddenly stirred up an uncontrollable, forbidden storm in my once calm heart.
Frustrated, I lit another cigarette, staring helplessly at the dark night sky. For some reason, a song suddenly flashed through my mind, and I began to hum along softly to the melody I remembered.
"I once truly thought life would stay like this, my peaceful heart refusing any more waves..."...I once thought my life would settle into a mundane routine after marriage, but your gunshot not only stirred up enormous ripples in my heart, which had remained calm for so many years, but also quickly formed a forbidden wave that swept over my entire heart, leaving me defenseless...
Hearing the soft sound of the door opening and closing, I immediately crawled out of bed, hastily threw on some clothes, and tiptoed out of the room, then quietly opened the door as well; after gently closing the door, I carefully climbed the stairs to the entrance leading to the rooftop.
The first time I saw my mother smoking on the roof was last Sunday. Before that, I never knew that my young, beautiful, simple, and gentle mother would smoke!
Since that day, my mother has come here every night, sitting alone in the sheltered spot of the flower bed, puffing away.
To be honest, I used to hate women who smoke.
My hatred for female smokers isn't solely based on their unappealing appearances. The real reason
I feel such deep resentment is seeing those women, like courtesans, with cigarettes dangling from their lips, squatting on the ground in an unseemly frog-like position, exhaling smoke rings and spewing vulgar "three-word mantras" while talking to people. Before
this, I never imagined that women could smoke with such elegance and grace, but after seeing my mother smoke, my negative perception of women smoking completely changed.
When those slender, fair hands gently held the cigarette, it was as if she were holding not a cigarette, but a beautiful work of art. Each time she exhaled a puff, her slightly parted lips were so captivating, especially when she habitually leaned forward, elbows against her knees, her swan-like neck slightly raised. In the dim light from the building opposite, I could catch a glimpse of the deep cleavage formed by her soft, white flesh, and I was instantly overcome with excitement.
"Perhaps it's because she's my mother?" This was my conclusion, drawn after accepting the fact that my mother smoked, in order to differentiate myself from other female smokers.
Because I'm an only child, all my parents' love has been poured into me from a young age, especially my mother's doting affection, which I cherish immensely.
Even when I misbehaved and, like other children, was punished by my parents, my mother would always shower me with affection afterward. Even if I was initially heartbroken and angry, all my anger would quickly dissipate, and we would return to a harmonious family state.
Because of this, and because my mother was young and beautiful, I felt, in some ways, that she was more like a caring older sister than a stern mother who always had a sour face and scolded me.
Especially when I was little, seeing that my classmates' mothers were almost old enough to be my grandmothers, I felt an indescribable pride and honor in having a young and beautiful mother.
As I grew older and learned a little about love and relationships, I realized that I was the "Pocket Monster"—no, wait!—that my mother and father had when they were nineteen, after playing a "no-condom" game. It should be called the "fruit of their love."
Hmm… well, whatever you call me this unexpected “surprise,” the point is, Dad didn’t abandon Mom because of this, and was still willing to marry her; and after I was born, they cherished and loved me so much… Many classmates from single-parent families have told me, “Zhou Yanbo, you should be content.” Because I cherish the happiness I have, when I see Mom seemingly troubled by something, needing to express her frustration with cigarettes, I want even more to share her burdens.
However, since even Dad can’t solve Mom’s problems, what ability do I, a second-year junior high school student, have to help her?
"What's bothering Mom? Could it be... that Dad's having an affair and Mom found out? Hmm, that seems unlikely. He only comes home late for work or social engagements; otherwise, he's always home on time. And even on weekends, if he has a party planned, he never stays out for more than a day, so... it's unlikely Dad's having an affair. If Dad isn't having an affair... then what could it be?"
I quietly hid in the corner closest to the stairwell, observing Mom's movements and guessing what trouble she might be facing.
"I first heard the sound of the emergency exit opening and closing last Sunday. If that was the first day she encountered this problem, then... what happened to her that day?... Ah! Could it be... that gunshot?!" Suddenly remembering what happened that night, my heart began to pound.
Since Mom is only thirty-three years old this year, in the eyes of many colleagues, she is a mature woman in her prime; if she weren't married, she would be the object of many men's affections.
However, even knowing that my mom was not only married but also had a son who was already in the second year of junior high school, some clueless men were secretly spreading rumors that if she were willing to remarry, they wouldn't mind if she brought another son into the family.
Nonsense!
You lustful devils wouldn't care!
Because once my mom remarries, you'll have plenty of ways to get rid of me, so why would you care if there's an extra set of chopsticks on the table?
"Ah Bo, let me tell you, a child like me, called a 'burden,' is no different from a child without parents! Every time he buys something, I always get the worst one; sometimes, those bastards in that family, tired of their toys, would rather have the nanny recycle them than let me play with them. If things continued like this, if I hadn't asked my mom to take me away from that awful place, I might have been killed by them one day, and no one would know the truth."
My best friend Zhang Yanqing told me all this. Since his father died in a car accident when he was in sixth grade, his mother remarried about a year later to a wealthy man who had been divorced and was currently raising two children of similar age.
His mother initially thought that since both had been married before and their children were close in age, they would get along well. However, less than three months after she moved in with him, a fierce conflict erupted between them over the strained relationship between his stepson and his ex-wife's children.
This escalating family discord ultimately led to a divorce, ending their marriage after only six months.
According to him, his irresponsible stepfather still had some conscience; after the divorce, he not only gave his mother a house but also provided them with a generous monthly allowance.
I once asked him, "Aren't all rich people heartless? Why is he still willing to give your mom living expenses?"
"Because he still comes to see my mom occasionally."
Judging from his sad and helpless tone, I probably knew that when that person went to see his mother, it wasn't just to visit them.
Since we were inseparable and best buddies, he would naturally share some good stuff.
"Ah Bo, come home with me after school, I'll show you something good."
"What is it?"
"Damn! Why ask so many questions? You'll find out when you get here!"
Seeing his mysterious look, I had no choice but to suppress my strong curiosity and wait for school to end.
"Wow! Ah Qing, isn't this... your mom? And... who is that man?" Although it wasn't my first time watching porn, this one was actually a 'love action movie' starring his mother and a strange man. For some reason, when I heard his mother's strange moans—which sounded like pain and pleasure—my penis instantly became hard—uncomfortably hard.
"Hehehe... Bo, how was it? Not bad, right?"
"Qing, you... how did you get this kind of footage?"
"Of course, it was secretly filmed."
"Then... who's that guy on top of your mom?"
"The man who divorced my mom and keeps coming to see her."
Seeing his fierce, teeth-gritting expression when he mentioned his stepfather, I couldn't help but shudder.
"Then why did you secretly film your mom and him?"
"Because I don't want him to touch my mom again."
"You mean... you're planning to use this to blackmail him?"
"That's just one of my purposes."
"Oh? What else is your purpose?"
"I also want to do 'that' with my mom."
"Ah! You and your mom?"
"Good brother, this is a secret only you know, so don't tell anyone, otherwise, we won't even be friends anymore, let alone brothers!"
"Don't worry, we're best buddies!"
Although I thumped my chest loudly to show my sincerity, a turbulent storm was brewing inside me.
Although Zhang Yanqing's idea was somewhat crazy, I had to admit that his beautiful and alluring mother, and her incredibly seductive and lewd behavior in bed, did possess a unique personal charm.
No wonder his stepfather often came here to see her after divorcing his mother.
In the end, Zhang Yanqing forced the secretly filmed DVD on the pretext of asking me to "keep the evidence" for him; when I got home and saw that my parents weren't back yet, I immediately turned on the computer and, while watching the exciting scenes on the screen, masturbated my penis, which had been hard since earlier.
To be honest, this wasn't my first time masturbating. Not long after I started junior high school, one day while showering, I accidentally saw my mother's underwear in the laundry basket, and somehow, my previously limp penis suddenly became hard.
Just as I was wondering how to deal with the sudden changes in my genitals, a memory flashed through my mind: a few nights ago, I had woken up in the middle of the night and suddenly needed to urinate. As I passed my parents' bedroom door, I inadvertently glimpsed their erotic scene as they rolled around on the bed through the open door. Then I finally knew what to do.
That was also the first time in my life I masturbated.
Watching a thick stream of white semen spurt from
my penis, I felt so good I almost flew. At the time, I didn't know what to call this behavior; I only knew that whenever I saw my mother's underwear, or saw the glimpse of her eroticism unintentionally revealed at her neckline, my penis would quickly become erect.
Later, through a health education course at school, I learned the proper term and meaning for this behavior.
Of course, I also finally understood the real reason why strange moaning sounds always came from my parents' bedroom every night.
Although peeping at people having sex is immoral, if my parents forget to close the door when they're in bed, and I accidentally see them watching a live "adult film" while I'm in the bathroom... it shouldn't count as voyeurism, right?
After ejaculating my white, foul-smelling semen onto the toilet paper again, I slumped weakly in my chair, panting heavily.
Despite my exhaustion, the computer screen continued playing that thrilling scene, and my penis seemed to be showing signs of arousal again.
"Hoo...hoo...that felt so good! Masturbation feels this good already, I wonder if real sex would be even better?" This question had been swirling in my mind for a long time, but I didn't know who to ask. After all, none of my classmates had any experience in this area, so even if I asked, I doubted I'd get a satisfactory answer.
"If I asked Mom, would she be willing to tell me? Hmm... no, no, even if Mom's views are open-minded, she'd probably still be embarrassed to answer that question, right? But then again, since Mom married at nineteen at her son's behest, her views on sex shouldn't be so old-fashioned and conservative, right? Hmm... if Mom were willing to give me a 'real-life lesson'..." Thinking of this, my regular heartbeat suddenly skipped a few beats; and my limp penis, which had already ejaculated three times, instantly became hard and erect the instant this thought flashed through my mind.
Next, my attention returned to the computer screen, and while watching the repetitive images, I stroked my tireless, erect penis up and down.
With the seductive moans coming from my headphones, this time the face of the female protagonist on the screen seemed to become my mother, and the man on top of her, riding her with abandon, seemed to gradually become me.
"Mmm...Mom...I really want to do it with you too...Oh..."
After stroking my penis hundreds of times with alternating hands, I finally ejaculated again, this time with thinner, white semen.
Once the thought of having sex with my mother took hold, many ideas immediately popped into my mind. However, after referring to many pornographic scenes and secretly reading erotic novels with some classmates, I realized that none of them seemed to be a solution that could immediately fulfill my desire.
Just when I was racking my brains but still came up empty-handed, I suddenly heard at dinner time on Saturday that my father was going to a company party the next day, while my mother was going to stay home and read with me. Suddenly, a flash of inspiration struck me, and I immediately came up with a plan.
So last Sunday, after my mother and I finished dinner together, I watched TV in the living room for a while, and my mother urged me to take a shower and read, while she started busying herself between the kitchen and the balcony.
After I finished showering, I immediately went to my room, turned on the computer, randomly opened a pornographic file, and then hid behind the deliberately ajar door to secretly observe my mother's every move.
Finally, when Mom came to my room with fruit from the kitchen, I dashed to my desk, put on my headphones, and pulled out my already erect penis, stroking it lightly.
"Zhou Yanbo, what are you doing?!" Even though I was mentally prepared, I was still startled by Mom's angry shout.
"Ah! Mom! You... why... why didn't you knock before coming in?!"
I pretended to be annoyed and shouted at Mom, while hurriedly and hastily hiding my erect penis from my pants.
(Hmm…did Mom see my penis just now? But she seemed really angry, which isn't what I expected! Oh no, I wonder how Mom will punish me?) Just as I was quickly thinking of a good excuse for my outrageous behavior, Mom didn't scold me harshly. Instead, she calmly asked me, "Xiao Yan, when…when did you start masturbating?"
Faced with my mother's completely unpredictable behavior, my prepared excuse was completely useless. Luckily, I wasn't too slow. My eyes darted around and I came up with an excuse: "Ah! Uh…um…I…last time I went to Zhang Yanqing's house, he lent me a CD…" Fortunately
, my excuse didn't arouse Mom's suspicion. She just gave me a deep look and said in a gentle tone, "Hmm…you're in puberty now, so it's not surprising that you have this kind of…behavior. However, it's best to stop this kind of thing in moderation and not let it affect your studies. Understand?"
"Yes."
I obediently nodded in response.
"Okay, now if you're free, focus on your studies and stop looking at all that nonsense." Huh?
That's it?!
When did Mom become so easy to talk to?
Seeing that Mom seemed eager to leave, I don't know where I got the courage, but I quickly grabbed Mom's hand and said,
"Mom, wait a minute, I want to show you something."
"What is it?"
A thought suddenly struck me, "Great! That's it! I'll go for it!" So, while Mom turned her head, I immediately pulled out my hard penis and, pretending to be calm, started masturbating in front of her, but inside I was both excited and nervous.
"Ah! What are you doing!"
Seeing Mom's panicked look, my tense mood inexplicably relaxed a lot in an instant.
(Okay, might as well go all the way! Even though I can't have sex with Mom right away, I'll at least show her my sexual prowess.) Having figured this out, I held Mom's hand tightly while masturbating, saying, "Mom, wait a minute, it'll be over soon."
"What are you doing! If you keep messing around like this, I'm going to get angry!" (Mom, don't be angry, I just want you to know that your precious son has grown up.)
"Zhou Yanbo, what are you trying to do? Let go!" For some reason, when I saw Mom's flustered and embarrassed appearance, I felt a strange sense of pleasure.
"Mom, wait a minute... I have a very strange question to ask you... Oh... Mom... You... You look... Oh... Mom... It's coming out—"
As soon as I finished speaking, I saw a thick stream of white semen shoot out from the tip of my penis, then draw a clear white arc in the air before landing right in front of Mom's feet.
"Zhou Yanbo! You!"
I deliberately ignored my mother's angry accusations and calmly cleaned the filth off my penis with toilet paper while saying, "Mom, what I wanted to ask was, what was that white stuff I peed out just now?"
"Uh..."
My mother paused, "That's... um... didn't your teachers teach you that?"
"No."
I shook my head seriously, but inside I was overjoyed.
(Yay! I finally ejaculated in front of Mom!)
"That white, cloudy liquid is semen—the stuff that can get a girl pregnant." Hmm, I never expected that my mom, whom I only meant to tease, would answer the question so seriously, leaving me embarrassed and unsure how to respond.
So, I could only stare blankly as my mother pulled out some toilet paper from the bedside table and, while wiping the mess on the floor, scolded me, "Why didn't you just say it directly? Why did you do this for me, and make the floor so dirty!" Seeing that my mother didn't seem angry, I was quite surprised, but I pretended to be innocent and replied, "No, Mom, what I really want to ask is, why did I feel a strange, comfortable feeling when I peed, um... when I ejaculated just now?"
"Hmm..." My mother paused in her wiping motion. "Mom doesn't know! You should ask your dad about this sometime."
Suddenly remembering what happened that day, the more I thought about it, the more likely it seemed.
(Uh… if that’s really the case, did I go too far?) I hid in a dimly lit corner near the stairwell, extending my left hand that had tightly held my mother’s a few days ago. My palm still seemed to retain the soft touch and indescribable warmth that I’d felt from her delicate hand that night.
Undeniably, while my actions towards my mother that day had an element of mischief, it was also a test—a probe into the limits of her psychological endurance.
Ever since I learned about sex in my first-year middle school health education class, whenever I heard my mother’s plaintive, seemingly painful yet pleasurable moans coming from my parents’ room, a strange thought would involuntarily pop into my head:
I want to have sex with my mother!
This thought, instead of fading with time, grew stronger and stronger.
But how to take that step and get my mother to accept me… I couldn't think of a good way until I heard that Zhang Yanqing also had this idea and had already taken action. Finally, I couldn't suppress the desire that had been lurking in my heart for so long.
However, after I actually acted on it last Sunday, although my mother didn't pursue the matter afterward, and didn't even tell my father, which relieved me, my heart inexplicably ached every night when I saw my mother hiding on the roof smoking alone.
(This feeling is so strange? Could it be… this is the feeling of love? That is to say, I… have fallen in love with my mother?) As soon as this thought arose, I couldn't help but shift my gaze to the flower bed in the distance, looking at that lonely, somewhat forlorn figure, thinking, "If I really have fallen in love with my mother, will she love me back? And what should I do to make her understand my feelings?"… "A pair of hands beyond compare, bringing warmth that is always behind…"
My mother's hands were not only fair and soft, but also possessed an indescribable warmth of love that flowed slowly through my palms…

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