The truth about marriage: No one can be emotionally faithful to one person from beginning to end.

page views:1 Publication date:2019-03-30

In his book *I Like Life As It Is*, Zhou Guoping wrote: Sex is physical life, following the pleasure principle. Love is spiritual life, following the ideal principle. Marriage is social life, following the reality principle. These are three completely different things. The difficulty of marriage lies in how to unify these three aspects with the same person of the opposite sex, preventing the numbing temptations and pleasures of habit from damaging the passion and ideals of love, and preventing the trivialities of reality from harming them. The difficulty of marriage lies in the fact that marriage is a social organization, inherently requiring stability, yet its natural foundation, sex, naturally tends towards transaction. This explains why the vast majority of marriages are unhappy: because it is impossible for one person to simultaneously satisfy another person's three human desires; if it is possible, it is extremely rare. If a person marries at 25 and dies at 80, according to the moral constraints of marriage, this person must suppress their human nature for 55 years. Almost no one can do this, so almost no one can remain faithful in marriage; it's just a matter of whether it's spiritual or physical, and the severity of the situation. Some people ask: If there's an unfaithful partner, then what's the point of marriage? If you want a comfortable marriage, it's basically impossible. Marriage itself isn't a comfortable state because it requires restraining and suppressing human nature. If there's one thing you absolutely must prepare before marriage, it's being prepared to start life in a particularly uncomfortable position. Unless you can see through human nature. When a person can see through human nature, they will be relaxed and at ease in marriage. Humans are social animals physically, but they also have souls that yearn for freedom. Marriage, as a social organization, will confine a person's body, and many people believe that since it's marriage, the soul must be loyal. You can use many methods to confine a person's body, but you can never bind a person's soul. Now, many people react with resentment and condemnation towards mistresses or men's infidelity. When you find justifications for these behaviors, everyone will also join in the condemnation. I never condemn these behaviors because I know I am also a human being, and the other person is also a human being, possessing the same humanity. Whether it's emotional or physical infidelity, it's something a human being would do. Those who should be blamed are those who not only cheat but also damage their family's stability. The talk show "Qipa Shuo" once had a debate about "straying" in marriage. It touched on human nature: no one can always have their heart set on one person, even if it's their husband. You can't help but be distracted by a handsome, refined, gentle, and gentlemanly man. From these small details of emotional wandering, you can see that cheating isn't about the person, but rather a basic human instinct. If you marry a person, this will happen, unless they're not human.

02 Are there people who never cheat?

There are no absolutely celibate people, but there are people who absolutely never commit physical infidelity. A male friend once told me, "I would never cheat because it's too much trouble. A moment of physical pleasure can ruin your life." In a man's mind: emotional infidelity isn't cheating; physical infidelity is. Therefore, they may have many emotional affairs. Even married men with families can develop feelings for other women and have various fantasies (most of which are sexual). Not choosing physical infidelity isn't because they love their wives so much or are so loyal to their marriage, but because they don't want to deal with the trouble that might result in bad outcomes, so they choose to endure and give up. In the essay "Relaxed Marriage" in the book *I Like Life As It Is*, there's a passage that says: There's a view that loving couples must be absolutely loyal, with no secrets between them, otherwise they desecrate pure love and sacred marriage. With enough experience, one will realize how naive this view is. Infidelity doesn't mean a lack of love. It's a pity to give up someone who deeply loves you because of occasional infidelity. At this point, someone will definitely ask: If he cheated, is it still love? Human emotions are very complex and abstract, so they cannot be tested by reason or instruments, but the best measure is: feeling. You know best whether someone loves you or not. The emotional interaction between two people will tell you whether the other person is truly sincere towards you. If someone demands absolute loyalty from their partner, they are a very naive person, worthy of protection, because once people understand human nature, they lose their enthusiasm for life. The value of naivety lies in the belief that everything is singular and simple, but humans are not; they are complex, especially in matters of the heart. A person can genuinely love several people at the same time. Regarding the contradictions of human nature in marriage and love, Zhou Guoping said this: If you are a wise person who understands human nature, you will not be unforgiving towards him (her). This is tolerance tinged with jealousy, and jealousy tinged with tolerance. The two restrain each other, making your jealousy dignified, and your tolerance dignified. Lovers complementing and binding each other is a sign of their confidence in their love. Neither restricts the other, yet in the end, neither can live without the other—this is true love.

03 Those who can maintain a marriage are heroes.

Comparing people in marriage to "heroes" is not meant as mockery, but rather as genuine admiration. From 1990 to 2017, the average age of marriage for Chinese women rose from 21.4 to 25.7, with the marriage rate declining year by year. Chinese women are exceptionally capable; they can earn money, support their families, care for their homes, and have children—they are all-rounders. Compared to those who shy away from marriage and refuse to enter into it, those who are married are clearly more mature and have a deeper understanding of life. "True heroism is seeing reality clearly and still living on." Those "veterans" who have weathered many years of marriage know this about "human nature"—they know that no partner is immune to infidelity—yet they still uphold their marriages, continue to give to their partners, and continue to care. Many people who have been married for many years jokingly say that they've been married for a long time, and that they've had many happy marriages. They lament that they've had many happy marriages, and that they've had many happy marriages. They also lament that they've had many happy marriages, and that they've had many happy marriages. They also lament that they've had many happy marriages, and that they've had many happy marriages. The text appears to be a jumbled collection of characters and symbols, possibly from different sources. A direct translation isn't meaningful without further context or clarification. Seeking taxes; Tuozhi, and Huanwu Meichong Men Wo Si Tang で Luo ⑿ Garden  ⑷ Songyuan Tui  Wanmu Weng Mang,   Xian Meichong Men Li Sha ぃ,  Cloth Xu Zhuan Zhang ㄈ Death   He Ge 6 Za Su Shi  Na Shua,   Sou ⑿ 郏, ? Art also bad reef  Mei Mu Shi To Xia Shang  Qian Na Kan Ma < Ci Guai Pao Huang Zinc Shan Du Ji Huang The quiet, desolate scene of the disaster was a chaotic mess. The scene was filled with the sounds of rushing water and the fading of petals. The air was thick with the scent of snow and the faint glow of smoke. The air was thick with the faint glow of smoke ...

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The truth about marriage: No one can be emotionally faithful to one person from beginning to end.

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