Jokes that make women laugh

page views:1 Publication date:2013-03-13

1) The most popular classic joke at the dinner table – everyone should remember and use it!
A beautiful female writer asked a charming editor (named Cao Yingchang; note: there is indeed a person with this name, I even know him!) to review her manuscript. Cao Yingchang glanced at the beauty and smiled, saying: "The upper part is quite full, and the two points are prominent, but unfortunately the lower part is a bit unkempt, and there's a hole – too much water." The beauty anxiously asked: "Then what should we do?" Cao Yingchang replied: "We'll talk about it later!
" 2) A man, after wandering around with a prescription from a female doctor for a long time, returned and asked: "Where exactly is the 13-ultrasound?" The female doctor smiled and said: "It's not 13-ultrasound, it's B-ultrasound." The man angrily said: "Damn it, your 'B' is too far apart!" 3
) The world's shortest and most classic dirty joke (can everyone guess it right away?)
In the office, a beautiful woman asked a male colleague to tell her a short but meaningful dirty joke. After pondering for a moment, the male colleague said the classic eight words: "I am the farmer who hoes the field, you are the midday sun..."
4) Not even as good as a penis!
During the counterattack against Vietnam, a regimental commander fought bravely but was unfortunately hit in the penis by a stray bullet. When the villagers heard that the commander was injured, they all rushed to the hospital to comfort him. Of course, this was a difficult thing to talk about. The commander didn't let them know what kind of injury he had suffered, only saying that he had suffered a minor injury and would be discharged soon. The villagers all went home reassured. The commander's wife was young and beautiful, and her desires were at their peak. She knew about the commander's injury. Thinking about it, she couldn't help but cry sadly. The regimental commander, understanding the situation, patiently comforted her: "Mom, don't cry. The child has grown up. We've tried everything for you these past few years, what more could you ask for? Look, I've been promoted to division commander through special channels, and even after transferring to civilian life, I'll be a high-ranking official. Is a high-ranking official really less important than a penis?"
5) Ah...oh...harder...you...you're making me feel so good...I'll make you a pair of cloth shoes!
There was a small mountain village with a couple. The woman was beautiful, the man wasn't so good-looking. The woman was very flirtatious and started an affair with a young man in the village. Her husband gradually became suspicious, but couldn't find any evidence. One day, he finally came up with a plan. He pretended to go visiting relatives, saying he wouldn't be home that night. His wife saw this and invited her lover to her house that night. While they were having sex, the man secretly sneaked to the back window of his house, and he even gathered his friends to catch them in the act! Inside, the two were panting heavily. The woman was enjoying herself, moaning, "Ah...oh...ah...oh...harder...harder...you're making me feel so good...I'll make you a pair of cloth shoes..." Her husband, hearing this from outside, was furious! He stood up and yelled into the room, "Go for it! Fuck her to death! Fuck her to death and I'll buy you a pair of leather shoes!" 6
) The Chinese Football Team and Sex Product Advertisements (Super Classic)
After the Chinese football team's defeat, a manufacturer of "Powerful Longevity Pills" hired a national team player, L "X," for an advertisement. The scene was: L "X" holding a football in his left hand and pointing at the screen with his right hand, saying, "Who can go over 90 minutes without shooting? I can!"
A condom manufacturer, inspired by the "Powerful Longevity Pills" ad, also hired a group of national team players for an advertisement. The scene showed all the players bombarding the goal, with the tagline: "No matter how many times you shoot, if it doesn't go in, it just doesn't go in!!!"
A contraceptive manufacturer, seeing this, also wanted to ride the wave, but their product was for women—what to do?! However, their analysis didn't stump them. After three days and three nights of deep thought, they finally found a solution: have a referee who was known for biased officiating in the Chinese Super League wear black, blow his whistle, make a gesture, and arrogantly declare: "No matter how many shots go in, none of them count!"
9) After dinner, the leader inspected the "Jiangyin Wool Textile Factory." Arriving at the neon sign at the gate, unfortunately, there was a circuit malfunction, and the first character "Jiang" was not lit. The leader could only see the last five characters, so he asked the factory manager with concern: "Are the raw materials easy to obtain?"
10)
A row of prostitutes were waiting for customers on the street. An octogenarian woman saw them and curiously asked: "What are you waiting for?" The prostitutes replied irritably: "Waiting for lollipops!" The old woman joined the queue to wait for lollipops, but was arrested by the police. The police asked the old woman: "You don't have any teeth, how can you do this?" The old woman laughed and said: "I can lick them!!"
11) A young man on a bus saw a beautiful woman with a low-cut neckline, revealing her cleavage, and jokingly said, "What a place where peach blossoms bloom!" The woman, upon hearing this, lifted her skirt and said, "And the place where you were born and raised!"
12) A young woman ordered stir-fried dog penis at a restaurant. While picking up the food, she accidentally dropped it between her legs. She exclaimed in surprise: "This thing is amazing! Even after being cooked and chopped up, it still knows its way around
!" 13) Kindergarten teacher Xiao Fang pointed to the pinyin "m, a, y, d, b" on the blackboard and tested the children. The children pronounced it in perfect unison: "Mo-a-yi-de-bo!"
14) Seven female hooligans (I'm sure everyone would want to hook up with girls like this, haha!).
The first one: Once, during a class trip to Hangzhou, they saw the release pond (a pond with countless turtles) in front of Jingci Temple. Seeing the turtles with only their heads above the water, the cute girl excitedly exclaimed: "Wow~~ so many turtle heads!!!" "My male classmate and I burst out laughing, and the girl's face immediately turned bright red...
Second, one day, I brought my newly bought laptop to computer class, and a female classmate came over to admire the machine. After looking at the machine, she looked at the laptop bag, and then suddenly said, 'Your foreskin is so soft!' I was shocked and speechless. Then she continued, 'Let me open it and take a look.' I immediately vomited blood and lost consciousness.
Third: In high school, two girls in my class were arguing. One of them angrily said, 'I'll fuck you!' The other said, 'What the hell are you fucking for! You're the one who gets fucked!'
Fourth: One day, I was playing CS in an internet cafe. There weren't many people. A girl sitting opposite me was probably chatting on voice chat, and she was very loud. After a while, the girl and the other girl probably got into an argument and started arguing. At first, it was just some vulgar language, and I didn't pay much attention and continued playing CS... Two minutes later, the girl shouted, 'If you keep being so arrogant, I'll crush you with my penis!'" ...Everyone in the internet cafe burst out laughing...
Fifth: Once, I was chatting with a girl on the phone, and we talked about the word "日" (ri). I was a little embarrassed to say that "日" meant "ML" (menstruation/sexual intercourse). The girl said in a loud voice, "Damn it, James's lover!
" Sixth: A few people were playing cards. One of the girls (a pretty girl), younger than us, was acting like she was older, constantly talking about "little brother." Once, the person opposite me said something that offended her, and I heard her say fiercely, "...I'll peel the skin off your little brother!" Everyone was speechless!
Seventh: Also while playing cards, a handsome guy mentioned his brother. A girl (pretty girl) next to him was very surprised and asked, "You have an older brother?" The handsome guy replied, "Yes..." The girl then asked, "Do you have a little brother down there?" Everyone collapsed in laughter!
15) A female underground worker was arrested, Forced to write a letter to lure the commander, the female underground worker had no choice but to write. After finishing, she secretly plucked a few pubic hairs and tucked them into the letter. After reading the letter, the commander smelled and examined the pubic hairs, pondering deeply. After a moment of deep thought, he suddenly realized: It was a conspiracy!
16) For Men Only
A pretty girl accidentally tore her swimsuit while running into the swimming pool. All the boys stared at her... At this moment, the pretty girl walked along the edge of the pool, noticed something was wrong, and grabbed a sign to cover her private parts... At this moment, the boys burst into laughter! The pretty girl felt strange, and then she found that the sign said "For Men Only" and quickly changed the side. But when she changed the side, the boys laughed even louder. It turned out... the sign said "Two meters deep here"!
18) The female doctor blushed deeply (classic)
The beautiful female doctor was very popular with male patients at the hospital, attracting many romantic and wealthy suitors, and of course, also encountering a lot of sexual harassment... One day, after Mr. Chen finished his infertility examination at the hospital, the beautiful female doctor wanted to check if Mr. Chen's sperm count had decreased. She gave him a small, sealed glass jar and asked him to go home and bring some samples.
The next day, Mr. Chen returned, but the female doctor found the glass jar was still empty.
Mr. Chen explained, "Yesterday, I tried with my right hand for a long time, but nothing happened. I tried with my left hand, but still no luck. I asked my wife to help, and she tried with both hands, but it was no use either. I asked her to use her mouth, but still no luck."
The female doctor blushed deeply.
Mr. Chen continued, "My cousin happened to come to my house to give me a gift. She's younger and stronger, so I asked her to help. She also tried with her hands first, then with her mouth, trying very hard..."
Stop! Stop! The female doctor couldn't hold back any longer: "This kind of thing...you asked your cousin to help you~~?"
Mr. Chen said: "She was happy to! But it still didn't work! That's why I came to you, to see if you could............"
Upon hearing this, the female doctor angrily asked: "Could you do what?
" Mr. Chen replied: "Could you open the lid of this glass jar!"
19) Whose Penis is the Longest? (Hilarious)
One day, a contest was held in an auditorium to see whose penis was the longest. A man thought his penis was long enough to participate in the contest, so he wanted to enter the auditorium, but was stopped by the old man guarding the door.
The old man asked: "Young man, what do you want to do? "
The young man: "I'm here to participate in the contest."
The old man said: "You'll compete with me first. If yours is longer than mine, you can go in. Otherwise, go home early."
As he spoke, the old man took his penis out from under his trouser leg. The young man was startled and turned to leave. The old man quickly said to him: "Don't rush, don't rush. Since you're here, I won't let you come for nothing. Let you go in and see for yourself, but once you're inside, you have to sit in the first seat."
The young man hurriedly agreed: Okay, okay.
After entering, he went straight to the first row. Just as he was about to sit down, he suddenly heard someone in the thirty-third row shout: Who is so blind? They stepped on my glans!
The young man quickly said: Sorry, I didn't expect your penis to be so long.
20) A driver was taking his boss to a cultural performance. After the boss entered the venue, the driver was stopped by security. The driver said: I work in the same system as the boss. The security guard said: The penis and the testicles are in the same system. If the penis goes in, can the testicles go in?
21) An elephant asked a camel: 'Why are your nipples on your back?' The camel said: 'Get lost, I don't talk to things with penises on their faces!'
22) A kindergarten teacher was leading her students swimming when she accidentally exposed a pubic hair. A student asked: Teacher, what is that? The teacher plucked it out and said: 'A thread!'
23) The little girl always showed off her new toys to the little boy. The little boy, at a loss, took off his pants and said, "You'll never have this!" The girl also took off her pants and said, "My mom said that as long as you have this, you can have as many of those things as you want!"
24) The Wedding Night (This one isn't very funny, but it's well-written!)
A scholar, having just passed his imperial examination, was visited the next morning by his brothers. They asked him how he felt.
He got up, fanned himself, and recited: "A moment of spring night is worth a thousand pieces of gold. Last night, I used my skill, a pillar reaching the sky, a horse leading the way, a perfect match, a single shot to fame, a single burst of energy, a single breath, a stunning debut, a torrent of pleasure—truly a night of entanglement, a night of romance!"
Everyone was infinitely envious and then asked his sister-in-law how she felt.
She sang mournfully: "It's truly hard to explain. He was at his wit's end, but luckily I lent him a helping hand; however, things took many twists and turns, and it wasn't something that could be accomplished overnight. He was like a tree that couldn't support itself, ready to burst at any moment; then, in a flash, he plummeted, and finally, he was utterly defeated and on the verge of death; he was utterly useless, a completely unnecessary effort, and I really wanted to cut it all off and end it all; alas! It was all just a fleeting dream, and I accomplished nothing!"
25) "Old Bitch Injured"
The nun and the monk lived next door to each other. Unable to bear the loneliness, they chiseled a hole in the wall. Every night, the old monk would stick his penis into the hole and say, "The sun rises in the east, the sun rises in the east!" The nun took off her pants and went to the penis to do it for a while. After a while, the young monk saw the old monk's behavior and wanted to see what was inside. Coincidentally, one day the old monk wanted to go down the mountain to perform a ritual and had to stay outside for the night, leaving the young monk to guard the house. At night, the young monk, just like his master, shouted at the entrance of the cave: "Sunrise in the east." He thought: There was light before, how did it turn black? So he took a candlestick, pulled out the candle, and inserted it into the cave. He heard a "ah" from inside, and then there was nothing. The next day, after the old monk returned, he was lonely and called at the entrance of the cave: "Sunrise in the east." There was no response. He called "Sunrise in the east" again. He heard the nun say, "Old woman is injured." "Old woman is injured!"
26) A romantic encounter on the bus
One day, a young and beautiful lady wearing a tight mini skirt went shopping... Her hands were full of shopping spoils, and she was waiting for the bus to go home. As the bus arrived, the young woman faced an embarrassing situation… because her skirt was too tight, and she was carrying many things, and the bus was too high, she couldn't get on… The passengers behind her started to stir, urging her to hurry up, and the young woman was completely at a loss… Just as the queue for boarding was becoming crowded and chaotic… the young woman had a sudden inspiration. She secretly used her hand to slightly unzip the back of her skirt to loosen it and allow her to get on the bus. However, strangely, the skirt didn't loosen when the zipper was pulled down; it didn't work at all. So she tried pulling the zipper down further, but it still didn't work, and her legs still couldn't take a big step. At this point, the passengers behind her started to stir again… shouting, "In front! Hurry up!" Even the driver impatiently told the young woman, "Hurry up and get on the bus!" Just when she was completely at her wit's end, suddenly a young man behind her silently lifted the young woman onto the bus, making the young woman even more embarrassed! Red-faced, she questioned the man who had hugged her: "How could you hug me? That's outrageous! We're not friends, I don't even know you!" The young man calmly replied: "Miss! After you unzipped my pants a second time, I started to think we were good friends!"
27) A heated argument on the bus:
That day on the bus, a pretty girl suddenly yelled at a well-mannered, fair-skinned young man: "Pervert!" Perhaps the young man had been inappropriately touching her. He seemed aggrieved and immediately retorted. The two started arguing. A little while later, the girl yelled: "You're a big pervert, you've been a pervert since you were little. Even when my daughter gave birth to you, you didn't forget to look back." The passengers were silent for a moment, then burst into laughter. My colleague shook his head, saying he'd never seen such an insult before; it was truly unparalleled, unmatched by anyone. The young man, after being insulted, stood there with his mouth agape, unable to utter a single word. It was indeed a timeless insult, probably unmatched before or since; everyone said there was no harsher, more despicable insult. The young man was probably about to shut up. Suddenly, he shouted, "You're the real hooligan! You were still in your father's womb and you were already seeing him three times a day!!!" The crowd erupted in laughter, the ticket seller was doubled over, and the driver rested for a moment before starting the journey.

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Jokes that make women laugh

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