[The yellow is so domineering! A hilarious rhyme for men!]

page views:1 Publication date:2023-06-21 08:20:23

1. Men are so cunning, they lie without a shred of shame! They're clearly getting a back massage, but they say they're at work; they're secretly having a rendezvous, but they say they're drunk; when they get home, they say they're tired from work, then they collapse into bed and fall asleep; if their wives try to be charming, they pretend to cry out in pain and clutch their stomachs!
2. Symptoms of a man having an affair: He works overtime every day, never does housework, turns off his phone as soon as he gets home, deletes text messages after replying, snores loudly in bed, and often wears his underwear inside out. If three of these symptoms apply, it's a suspected case; four symptoms confirm the affair.
3. Ways a man can die: Seeing a beautiful woman? He dies of lust, after getting her? He dies of pleasure, after being tricked into a room? He dies of impatience, after sleeping with her? He dies of exhaustion, after his wife finds out? He dies of fright, after his parents find out? He dies of shame, after his boss finds out? He dies from being bullied, after his rival finds out? He dies from being beaten to death.
4. The sky is blue, the sea is deep, and not a single word a man says is true; love is eternal, blood is crimson, and a man needs a beating; if a man is rich, he'll be with anyone; if a man is reliable, pigs will climb trees!
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5. Eight things men fear: First, their mistress getting pregnant; second, their wife working herself to death; third, prostitutes having diseases; fourth, public complaints; fifth, their mistress being seduced; sixth, losing at mahjong; seventh, their ill-gotten gains being stolen; and eighth, their Viagra failing.
6. Eight things that show a lack of manners: refusing a toast from your boss, touching your boss's mistress first, riding in a car while your boss is walking, rambling on while your boss is speaking, gossiping about your boss's private affairs, undressing first while your boss is taking a shower, turning the table while your boss is picking up food, and winning the lottery yourself while your boss is ready to win.
7. If you do fooling around well, it's called dating; if you do possessiveness well, it's called marriage; if you do frigidity well, it's called chastity; if you do impotence well, it's called remaining unmoved by temptation.
8. When you're young, find someone beautiful; when you marry, find someone hardworking and capable; after you divorce, find someone wealthy; and after you die, find someone whose spirit lingers.
9. Men who always have a smiling face and flirtatious eyes are either acting crazy or swindling! Women with big breasts and slim waists, who are wanton and seductive, are either trying to steal your money or stabbing you in the back! These days, men are monsters and women are demons, so be careful not to fall for their tricks!
10. These days, a wife is like a local mobile phone – economical but limited to local use; a mistress is like a China Telecom phone – secure and reliable but can't be taken out; a girlfriend is like a China Mobile phone – convenient but too expensive. A lover is like a China Unicom phone – elegant and trendy but often out of service!
11. A surefire way to spot a woman having an affair: She's distracted at work, throws tantrums at her husband when she gets home, neglects her children's studies, and often adds too much salt to the dishes. She frequently uses exhaustion as an excuse to avoid her husband's advances. She only has sex once every two weeks, without moaning or moving.
12. Nowadays, the poor eat meat, the rich eat shrimp, and the powerful eat turtle; those who are wronged petition and those who are bored go online, and the officialdom is like a battlefield; men hope to be tall and women hope to be thin, dogs wear clothes and people show their flesh; love is afraid of being lost and affection is afraid of being stolen, and those who occupy important positions are afraid of retirement!
13. Getting married is called joining the network; bigamy is called having two numbers on one SIM card; having an extramarital affair is called call forwarding; having many lovers is called having a mobile dream network. Divorce is called canceling the number; separation is called suspending the service while keeping the number; remarriage is called reactivating the service; a woman's remarriage is called transferring ownership; a man's remarriage is called getting a replacement SIM card. 14. Poor man: His career belongs to the country, his honor belongs to his workplace, his achievements belong to his boss, his salary belongs to his wife, his property belongs to his son, and his mistakes are his own.
15. These days, beautiful women don't cook, those who cook aren't gentle, gentle women spend money recklessly, reckless spenders aren't fashionable, fashionable women are untrustworthy, and trustworthy women are unattractive.
16. Drivers earn money by picking up anyone they see; accountants spend money with eloquent strokes; leaders spend money by signing and sealing documents; "masters" earn money by gesturing on stage; women spend money by rubbing men's bodies; children spend money by calling for their parents; doctors spend money by cutting open patients' bellies.
17. Men get tired, so they go for a back massage; men worry, so they want to get their hair washed; men suffer, so they often gamble; men are busy, so they often end up in the wrong bed. Is being a man easy?
18. When a wife gets angry, a man has to hide; when a wife throws a tantrum, a man has to stay quiet; when a wife gains weight, a man will stumble; when a wife gets rich, a man will be out of a position.
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19. The beauty of knowledge lies in leaving people completely bewildered; the beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to commit adultery; the beauty of women lies in their unrepentant foolishness; the beauty of men lies in their ability to lie so convincingly that it's unbelievable.
20. Wine, it looks like water in the bottle, but it's a devil in your stomach. It makes you talk nonsense, walk awkwardly, and become impotent in bed. You get up in the middle of the night looking for water, and regret it in the morning. But when you pick up a glass at noon, it still looks wonderful!
21. Four embarrassing situations when using someone else's toilet: No toilet paper after you're done; No water after you're done wiping; Water after you're done wiping but it doesn't flush; Water after you're done wiping and it flushes but then floats back up.
22. A wife is like an operating system; once installed, uninstalling her is a hassle. A mistress is like a desktop; you can change it every day if you're interested. A lover is like the internet; it's glamorous and you'll spend money endlessly. A prostitute is like pirated software; remember to scan for viruses before using it!
23. Men, men are so pitiful. They work themselves to the bone to earn money. They sweet-talk their wives, but they can't avoid handing over their money. Keeping a mistress is also dangerous. They feel their pockets are so flat. Why don't they be more handsome and just become gigolos?
24. I really don't understand. Girls buy lots and lots of pretty clothes to attract boys' attention, but what boys want to see is girls without clothes.
25. Love is like a green apple, unrequited love is like a fig, love at first sight is like a pistachio, free love has no result, true love is like candy, adultery is like bitter fruit, whirlwind love is like forbidden fruit, passionate love is like the consequences. What fruit do you want to eat?
26. Being single is a mountain path, dating is a main road, breaking up is a fork in the road, trial marriage is exploring the way, marriage is a dead end, bigamy is a short circuit, divorce is a way to live, remarriage is a dead end. Extramarital affairs are a happy path. Which path are you on now?
27. I'm poor, ugly, 1.49 meters tall, with only a primary school education and a rural household registration. I live in a dilapidated house with three rooms and a small plot of land. I have no wife, no hot stove, and I need medicine all year round. Today, I'm sending this text message to seek a girlfriend. Let's walk the revolutionary road together. Are you willing?
28. Life is so wasteful, always full of troubles, so I racked my brains to find a handsome guy to dance with and sing love songs together; but after less than three and a half days, the handsome guy turned into a devil; after a cold war of more than ten days, we went our separate ways; looking back on the road I've traveled, being single is the happiest.
29. The standard of a tough guy: He has killed people, smoked drugs, kissed someone in the street; gone clubbing, played with prostitutes, and raped his friend's wife in the grass; served in the army, stood guard, beat up his boss and won an award; worked a job, was laid off, and flirted with his mother-in-law when he was bored.
30. I advise you to pick fewer flowers outside. After all, you still have a family. Although the social atmosphere is not good, the red flag at home has not fallen. So what if colorful flags are flying outside? You still have to do your homework. Spending a little money is no big deal, but ruining your health is not right.
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31. If men don't get drunk, how will women get tips? If women don't get drunk, how will men have a chance? If neither men nor women get drunk, no one will sleep in the hotel.
32. First love is the brand new version, rekindled old flame is the refurbished version, premarital cohabitation is the trial version, wedding night is the original version, falling in love with a widow is the revised version, seducing a married woman is the pirated version…

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[The yellow is so domineering! A hilarious rhyme for men!]

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