I don't know where my home is.

page views:1 Publication date:2023-06-13

Feelings are like that—they come without a trace and go without a shadow. When they come, you can't stop them; when they leave, you can't hold them back. Isn't life just like that?

That day, a tall Chinese woman came into the company's sales office and lingered in front of the computer counter for a long time. The salesperson, Mike, accompanied her, explaining the various computer brands and their features in detail. What caught my attention was that they spent a considerable amount of time haggling. The woman spoke English in a high-pitched voice, and I could vaguely hear her voice through the glass door.

Later, Mike came into my office and told me she wanted to buy the cheapest Celeron desktop computer with a printer. He had given her a 100 yuan discount based on the list price, but she was still demanding an additional 50 yuan. She couldn't make the decision herself, so she came to me for advice. I told Mike that the price was already very low, and the profit margin was very narrow. If we lowered it any further, we'd be making a loss. Mike spread his hands helplessly and said he had explained for a long time, but she still insisted on the reduction, and he couldn't persuade her otherwise. I know that new immigrants from China are used to haggling like they do in mainland China, and they do the same thing abroad. Doing business with them is much more difficult than with Westerners. Westerners are more decisive when buying things; if they think the price is right, they generally won't try to drive the price down. Out of curiosity, I wanted to see what this shrewd woman was all about. I told Mike that I would handle this customer, and Mike was happy to pass this hot potato to me. He thanked me and went to attend to other customers.

I left the office and approached the female customer, introducing myself: "Hello, I'm the manager here. How can I help you?"

She seemed pleased to see I was Chinese and spoke to me in Mandarin: "Ah, that's great! I'm Chinese too. I'd like to buy a computer. Do you think I can get a discount?"

I gave her a quick look; she was probably around 27 years old, very pretty, with delicate features. Her eyes were beautiful when she smiled, and she was quite tall, about 170 centimeters. She had a slender yet full figure, with particularly beautiful long legs. Her black hair was tied back, giving her a neat and tidy appearance. It was clear at a glance that she was a woman from northern China.

I said, "This price is already very low, I probably can't lower it any further, and you probably won't find a cheaper price in other stores either."

She persisted, "Oh, I only wanted to buy it here because you're close to where I live. I'm here to study, and I don't have a job right now, so I'm not exactly rolling in money. Since you're such a big boss, could you give me a discount?"

"Hehe, I'm not a big boss, as you can see, we're a small business, and making a living isn't easy these days. How about this, I'll only reduce it by 20 yuan at most, including delivery, is that okay?" At this point, I really wanted to close the deal quickly and didn't want to drag this out for too long.

She hesitated for a moment and said, "Well, okay then, I'd feel bad about haggling. So, will you deliver it yourself or have your employee deliver it?"

I said, "Since you live nearby, I can deliver it to your house on my way home after work."

"Ah, that's great! Your service is so good, it's so comforting to be Chinese." She smiled broadly, seeming very reassured.

I led her to the counter where she paid and wrote down her name and address. I then learned her name was Lu Ying, a very unique surname. We agreed that I would deliver the computer to her after work the next day, and she left feeling reassured. (II)

The next day after work, as agreed, I took the computer Lu Ying had bought to my car. Less than 15 minutes after leaving the company, I arrived at her house, an ordinary garden bungalow. I carried everything to the door before ringing the doorbell. After a while, a young white man came out and politely asked who I was looking for. I said I was looking for Misslu. Before I finished speaking, Lu Ying peeked out from behind and smiled, saying "Hello!" The young man, seeing her come out, turned and went back inside.

Lu Ying led me into her room and briefly explained the situation. It turned out she was only renting a room there. The young man was the landlord's son. The landlord was an Eastern European woman who lived with her two children. The house had four rooms, one for each child, and she had a good relationship with the landlord's family. I looked around; it was neither new nor old, nothing particularly special. Lu Ying's bedroom was at the very edge, near the front door. The room contained only a few pieces of furniture: a large bed, a desk and chair set, a wardrobe, and a dressing table.

After Lu Ying led me into her bedroom, she busied herself tidying up the things on and under the table to make room for her computer. I inadvertently caught a glimpse of bright red underwear peeking out from under her pants as she bent over, and a fleeting thrill of voyeurism washed over me. However, I quickly banished this lewd thought and focused on setting up and testing the computer and printer. I demonstrated it to Lu Ying to prove it was working properly. She then took out several software CDs she had brought from mainland China and asked me to install them for her. I glanced at the CDs; they were all pirated versions of Chinese software like "Kingsoft PowerWord." Seeing that I had some time, I installed them for her. The crashes caused by these Chinese software programs on the English-language work platform, however, foreshadowed our future frequent meetings.

After getting everything ready, I checked my watch and said goodbye to Lu Ying. But she insisted I stay for dinner, even though I told her my wife had already prepared it and it wasn't right not to inform her beforehand. Lu Ying remained adamant, explaining that I sometimes work overtime and don't come home for dinner, and that she felt obligated to treat me to a simple meal since I had helped her. Her politeness made me feel a little amused, as I'd never been asked to stay for dinner before. I thought such politeness was common in China—guests are always welcome—but after so many years away from home, it felt strange. She didn't let me explain further, saying, "It's settled then. I'll go prepare it now; please wait a moment, it'll be ready soon."

Seeing her insistence, I reluctantly agreed, thinking I'd just eat a quick bite and then leave. Only after she went into the kitchen did I take out my cell phone and tell my wife I'd be home late for dinner because of something. I didn't dare mention that a woman had invited me to her house; I knew she would be very unhappy if she heard that. A flurry of activity came from the kitchen. Feeling bored, I followed the sound and found Lu Ying busy washing vegetables. The kitchen was an open-plan one, with the cooking area and dining room connected. When Lu Ying saw me come in, she turned and smiled, inviting me to sit down. She said the food would be ready soon, so I sat down at the table and we chatted. I kept glancing at her back; what attracted me were her long, beautiful legs and her perfectly proportioned, round bottom, which looked stunning in her black suit trousers.

From our conversation, I learned that she was married, her husband and child were still in Qingdao, and she had previously worked as a manager at a Korean-owned company before quitting to pursue a master's degree here. Her child was seven years old. I was quite surprised that she was married; I guessed she was probably around 32 now. She said she had only been here for three months, working part-time while studying, doing clerical work at an advertising company two days a week. She had just returned from work today, which explained why she was wearing a suit.

After about an hour of work, the food was finally ready, and the two of us sat down to eat. There were only two dishes: chicken wings in soy sauce and scrambled eggs with cucumber. The rice was fried rice, which wasn't very tasty; it was clear she wasn't a skilled cook. However, I kept praising her cooking, because sometimes you have to be a little hypocritical, it's a matter of politeness, I suppose. While eating, she enthusiastically kept piling food into my bowl. I was a little worried seeing my bowl overflowing with chicken wings, cucumber, and other things, but I forced a smile and slowly finished them all. I thought to myself, maybe married women in China are more attentive and considerate towards guests. During our meal, the landlord's son came out of the kitchen once to get some water. He saw Lu Ying and me eating and greeted us. I noticed, however, that his gaze towards me was a little strange.

We finished dinner in a relaxed atmosphere. I helped Lu Ying clear the table and was about to say goodbye when I saw that she had already made two cups of coffee and asked me to come back to her room with her to sit for a while longer. Seeing this, I had no choice but to swallow back the words I was about to say and follow her back to her room.

(III)

Back in her room, she turned and closed the door, saying, "The landlord's son keeps glancing in whenever he passes by, so I usually close it."

I said, "Oh, maybe he's curious about you, an Asian woman?"

She shrugged, "Who knows?"

She opened the window facing the street, then sat on the bed, and I sat in the chair at the desk. We chatted again, drinking coffee. She told me how she hadn't adjusted when she first arrived, how she missed her child so much that she cried at night, and how much pressure she was under at school. She said it was so rare to have someone to talk to. I noticed a family photo of the three of them on the small cabinet by her bed. The child was quite lively, and her husband seemed to be about the same height as her, looking rather ordinary. Lu Ying, on the other hand, looked more radiant in the photo. The photo was taken in summer, and she was wearing a sleeveless top, showing that although she was tall, she was quite full-figured. Seeing me looking at the photo, she reached out and took it, handing it to me so I could see it clearly. The family of three in the photo were all smiling, looking very happy. She pointed to her son, praising his intelligence and cuteness, her love for him overflowing. I chimed in, casually recounting my own child. After

finishing our coffee and finishing our conversation about our children, I glanced at the time—it was already past nine—and got up to say goodbye again. This time, Lu Ying didn't try to stop me, thanking me as she saw me to the front door. As I turned to say goodbye, I saw the young man in the distance peek out from the hallway, watching us.

It was almost ten when I got home. The food she'd left for me was quietly waiting on the table, while my wife was in the bedroom putting the baby to sleep.

I pretended to be eating, only taking a small bowl of rice. The table still held four dishes and a soup: steamed fish with ginger and scallions, braised pork ribs with five flavors, stir-fried bok choy, and seaweed and pork soup. All my wife's specialties, and my favorites. Although I was quite full from Lu Ying's, I still forced myself to eat half of it, as if I hadn't eaten at all.

After dinner and a shower, I went into the bedroom. My wife was still awake, reading under the lamp. Seeing me come in, she blinked and said, "Were you busy today? It's so late."

I took off my bathrobe and said, "Yeah, a client wanted to discuss adding computers to their company, so I stayed in his office for a while. Before I knew it, it was so late. Ah, the food tonight was delicious."

Hearing this, my wife put down her book and smiled, leaning closer. "Of course! I'm only happy when I've fed all three of you well."

I held my wife's fuller figure after childbirth. The soft light in the bedroom created a peaceful atmosphere. For some reason, Lu Ying's image popped into my mind. Thinking of her now, alone in bed, with only her photograph in the frame to keep her company through the long night, I couldn't help but feel sorry for her.

"What are you daydreaming about? Did you bring work back?" my wife pinched my crotch, complaining.

"Oh, nothing, just a little tired today. Go to sleep." I patted her bottom and turned off the light.

"Not coming?"

"No, you're tired too, let's do it tomorrow." My enthusiasm was indeed low at that moment; the frequency had decreased over the past two years.

My wife didn't say anything more, grumbled a couple of times, and went to sleep. It seemed she was tired from taking care of the children and doing housework during the day.

In the darkness, Lu Ying's image flashed into my mind again. I tried not to think about her, but the more I tried, the clearer her image became, and my penis inexplicably hardened. My wife, already snoring, naturally took it in her hand. I lay quietly, not daring to move, as if afraid my wife would wake up and discover what I was thinking.

Slowly, I also drifted off to sleep.

A few days later, Lu Ying called to say her computer had a problem, restarting itself for no reason, and she hoped I could come to her house to take a look. I also had a strange feeling that I wanted to see her again. Thinking that I had nothing to do after work, I agreed to go and help her.

It was around 6 PM after work that day. Just like last time, I rang the doorbell when I arrived at her house. Lu Ying came out and opened the door, welcoming me inside. Today, she was only wearing a white silk nightgown, looking like she had just woken up. She exuded a womanly aura. Her hair was held up with a large clip, making her look very alluring.

Entering her bedroom, the bed was still quite messy. She smiled and said, "Sorry, I just took a nap and haven't tidied up yet." She went to tidy it up as she spoke.

I said, "It's okay, it makes you feel less constrained, like you're at home."

"Oh? Really?"

I realized my words were inappropriate and quickly corrected myself, "Oh, I meant you should feel comfortable, like you're at home."

She smiled thoughtfully but didn't say anything.

I quickly sat down at the computer to help her fix it, uninstalling the useless Chinese software, repairing some corrupted files, and it was done in no time. While I was at it, I went online to test if it was working properly and found many adult websites in the history. I joked, "Hehe, you're interested in that too?"

Lu Ying leaned closer, puzzled. I opened one of them to show her, and nude images appeared on the screen. She quickly explained, "I didn't see those. The landlord's son probably saw them when he came in to use my computer. He said his own computer wasn't working well and he always came in to use mine when I wasn't home. I didn't say anything to him, but I didn't expect him to look at these things." She became increasingly angry as she spoke. I believed she was telling the truth, so I suggested she tell the young man to use her computer less often. At the same time, I helped her clean up the adult websites that were already installed on the system.

After I finished, a fragrant cup of coffee was placed in front of me. Lu Ying herself was also sitting on the bed, holding a cup. It seemed she wanted me to stay a little longer. I saw it was still early, so I sat down and chatted with her while drinking my coffee.

This time, our conversation went into more depth, discussing our family lives and the conflicts between our spouses. It seems Lu Ying's marriage is much happier than mine; at least they've always loved each other. They've been dating since middle school and have been together ever since, smoothly and without any major ups and downs. However, I'm a little puzzled. Given their seemingly perfect family—the husband a department manager in a domestic company, she a senior executive in a foreign company, and they have a child—they should be a well-off family in China. Why did she choose to come here to study? I expressed my confusion to her.

Lu Ying seemed a little lost as she said, "Yes, we didn't lack anything in our lives back home. My husband and I have lived like this for over ten years, with basically no conflicts. But I feel like something's missing in my life. Everything is so natural, and sometimes I feel very depressed. I always want to see the outside world again, so I made the decision to come here. After I came, I missed them, especially my son. He's never been away from me since he was little, and now this long separation is almost unbearable."

As she spoke, her eyes began to redden.

Seeing her like this, I could only comfort her, saying, "Sigh, it's understandable. You've only been here a short time, so it's understandable that you're not used to it yet. And the more you're used to it, the more you'll miss your family. You'll feel better after a while." She wiped her eyes and said, "I know, but I'll be staying here for at least two years."

"Hmm, that's a bit long. It must be tough on your husband. It's not easy for a man to raise a child alone. He doesn't even know how to manage his own affairs. Things are so open in China now; just don't succumb to temptation," I said, following my own train of thought.

Hearing me say that, Lu Ying gave a bitter smile: "Oh, please don't say anymore. I've been worried about this the whole time. Just the other day, he was joking on the phone that all the women at his workplace knew his wife was abroad and were coming to invite him for coffee. I know he probably wouldn't do anything, but I'm so far away here, even if I wanted to, I couldn't." Seeing how nervous she was, I quickly comforted her: "I was just saying. I believe your husband wouldn't do anything wrong with such a good wife like you. However, these days people seem to think extramarital affairs are quite common. Maybe you'll be the first to fall for it, haha."

Lu Ying put down the coffee she was about to drink and immediately said: "I wouldn't! I think that's unbelievable. Besides, if that happened, I'd feel embarrassed in front of my children. I couldn't accept that psychologically."

"Hmm, your thinking is normal. These things don't just happen whenever you want. So, you're saying there really hasn't been another man you liked in your life?" I looked at her and tried to find something in her eyes that contradicted her words.

She took a sip of coffee, cleared her throat, and said, "I did, but I didn't dare do anything."

"Why?"

"No reason, I just couldn't bring myself to take that step. I couldn't get past my own conscience." A flicker of unease crossed her eyes.

"That's true," I nodded. "However, a change in environment can change a person's mindset. The most important thing is to live happily."

"Sigh," she sighed, "What can I ask for happiness now? Heavy schoolwork, work to earn money, and I'm all alone here. I have no relatives or friends. I've been here for three months and haven't been anywhere. Sometimes I really regret coming here."

She lowered her head, looking somewhat dejected.

I suddenly had an impulse to say, "How about I take you around sometime? You're always going back and forth between school and home. You won't appreciate the beauty of life here unless you see this beautiful city."

"Really? Can you do it?" Lu Ying's eyes shone with excitement. "But, is it convenient for you?" She hesitated again.

"Sure, I'll arrange a time. We're friends, so this little thing won't be a problem." "Yeah, I don't have many friends here. It would be great if we could go out together. It's so kind of you to be so helpful." Yeah, why am I being so helpful all of a sudden? I've been thinking about it myself. I've seen countless female customers, so why is this one different?

Lu Ying wanted me to stay for dinner, but I told her I really couldn't this time. She didn't insist, and I said goodbye. On the drive home, I realized my suggestion was a bit bold. It wouldn't be fun if my wife found out. But since I'd already said it, I could only continue. I just had to be careful not to let my wife know. This once should be fine, right? I comforted myself with that thought.

(IV)

A week later, on a sunny Saturday, spring was in full bloom, and everything was vibrant with life. I finished my work in the morning and then arranged to drive Lu Ying out for a drive in the afternoon.

I was dressed casually and drove to her house. I called her in and told her I was waiting for her outside. A while later, Lu Ying came out, and she truly caught my eye today. She wore white straight-leg pants and a sleeveless orange knit top; the soft fabric revealed her ample breasts. She wore strappy high-heeled sandals, and her hair was still tied back, making her look very refreshing.

Lu Ying, with a faint fragrance, got into my car, smiling and greeting me. She seemed to be in a good mood, and so was I. However, driving someone else's wife for a drive gave me a different feeling—a strange excitement.

At first, we felt a little awkward in the car. After all, neither of us was single anymore, and being out alone like this was inherently a little ambiguous. However, we both seemed to try our best to ignore this ambiguity. Perhaps it was because we were both looking for what we needed. She might be looking for a way to relieve loneliness and worries, while I might be looking for answers to the curiosity that men have about other women.

I turned on the car stereo, and the soothing music quickly turned the tense atmosphere into a cheerful one.

I took the enthusiastic Lu Ying to several places; from the bustling Chinatown to the art-filled opera house; from the stunning Manli Beach to the romantic Darling Harbour. We left our happy footprints everywhere. During those few hours, we seemed to forget our families, or perhaps we deliberately avoided thinking about them. It had been a long time since we'd felt this relaxed joy, just the two of us. Even though she wasn't anyone to us—just a woman I was attracted to—this feeling was wonderful. The tension of the past few years seemed to vanish in those few hours.

Strangely enough, when a man and woman spend several hours together like this, if they already have feelings for each other, their relationship quickly develops. To outsiders, we looked like a couple, and perhaps subconsciously, we also saw ourselves in that role.

As night deepened, Lu Ying and I took the sightseeing elevator to the revolving restaurant atop the city center tower. I had originally planned to take her home before dinner, but considering she'd be eating alone anyway, I decided to eat out together before taking her home. Besides, we were having a great time and wanted to prolong the happy moments as much as possible.

After we sat down, I went to the restroom to call home and tell my wife I'd run into an old classmate and would be having dinner with them before heading home. My wife only complained a little about the leftovers and didn't say much more, just telling me not to stay out too late. Hearing her say that made me feel a little uneasy, but I didn't dwell on it; I knew thinking about such things at a time like this was a bad idea.

Back at my seat, Lu Ying asked with concern why I looked a little pale, wondering if I'd been out too long. I immediately smiled and said it was nothing, telling her not to worry. The revolving restaurant was dimly lit, with only the candlelight on the tables illuminating people's faces. Looking out through the floor-to-ceiling windows from the darkness, the entire city seemed to be at our feet, countless shimmering lights like twinkling stars. The circular restaurant resembled a spaceship floating in space, slowly taking people in 360-degree directions. Lu Ying was captivated by the beautiful scenery, her face flushed even more from the red wine. Looking at her, I suddenly felt a tug at my heartstrings. Could this be the feeling of having an affair? A feeling of guilt yet an irresistible urge to steal? Lu Ying seemed to have forgotten her usual troubles, wholeheartedly enjoying the fine wine and food with me, admiring the beautiful city in the night... After dinner, it was almost ten o'clock. I drove Lu Ying home. To the accompaniment of soothing music, she rested with her eyes slightly closed. She was tired after playing for most of the day, and with a little bit of alcohol, she hummed softly along to the music, looking very relaxed.

The car arrived at her house. Only the faint moonlight illuminated the darkness, and the house itself was completely dark; it seemed the people inside were already asleep. I saw her to the door, whispering my goodbyes. In the darkness, Lu Ying looked intently at me and said, "Ming, thank you for the joy you brought me today. I'm so happy. I know you came to keep it from your wife, and I know it's not right, but I really needed to get out for a walk. Look how much better I feel now. I haven't been this happy in months. I'm so grateful to you." Her words whispered in my ear like a dream in the darkness. Looking at her beautiful face, I couldn't help but reach out and touch her cheek, then gently kissed her lips. She seemed a little surprised and took a slight step back. I then boldly stepped forward and hugged her. Her body was soft and comfortable to hold. I said, "I'm very happy today too. I haven't been this happy in a long time. I also have to thank you."

She struggled and said, "No, don't do this, it's not good."

I ignored her and continued to hold her tightly. After struggling for a while, she stopped moving. Slowly, she wrapped her arms around my waist, rested her head on my shoulder, and sighed softly. We hugged each other comfortably like that. In the quiet night, it seemed that we both needed some warm gratitude and a moment of solace.

After a while, Lu Ying struggled out of my arms, gently punched my chest, and said, "Okay, we've gone too far already, you bad guy. Go home, it's so late, don't let your wife suspect you."

I pinched her cheek and said, "Okay, you should get some rest too." Then I kissed her again, and she kissed me back without any hesitation. Her lips were soft and moist, it felt very comfortable. Strangely, we weren't awkward at all; instead, we felt very natural. Afterward, she smiled and said, "Give me your phone number,"

and then turned and went inside.

When I got home, my wife was already asleep. Of course, she wasn't really asleep; she was lying in bed. As usual, she wouldn't fall asleep until she saw someone. I quickly took a shower and then lay down on the bed. My wife snuggled up to me as usual, but suddenly I had a strange feeling, as if I should avoid her. I had just hugged another woman, and if I hugged my wife now, it felt ironic. However, even with these thoughts, I couldn't push her away. From this moment on, lying on this bed felt different from before; a sense of estrangement crept into my heart. Although my actions tonight weren't exactly infidelity, my thoughts had. Everyone must be responsible for their actions, and these actions constantly influence our established lifestyles. When these lifestyles are disrupted, we begin to feel a sense of aversion to everything we were once familiar with, thus slowly spreading this rift.

My wife's hands roamed over my body, and the desire that had just subsided slowly rekindled under her caresses. Strangely, the desires aroused by the two women before and after could now rise again without hesitation. Perhaps it was a man's primal sexual urge, regardless of the object, a trait that might be the opposite of women's. My penis gradually swelled under my wife's caresses. For some reason, I asked my wife, who hadn't performed oral sex in a long time, to give me some. Perhaps I wanted to prove something. My wife obediently did so, though not very skillfully, but it was clear she was trying very hard.

After obtaining my consent, my wife stopped her oral movements and climbed on top of me to enjoy her own pleasure. As usual, before entering, I started with our favorite foreplay—we'd gotten used to it sometime during the day. I began to caress my wife's naked body in a sadistic manner. At this point, she always lay on her side with her back to me, waiting for my prey. I grabbed her breasts hard, pinching her protruding nipples with my fingers. My wife started to moan softly in pain, but this was just her natural reaction; she didn't try to stop me. Then I slapped her full buttocks hard. The sound of her buttocks being hit filled me with lust and lewdness. Every two strokes I would stop and dig my fingers deep into her buttocks until red marks appeared. My wife groaned in pain, her legs constantly crossing and rubbing against each other. I knew that pinching her buttocks wouldn't hurt her much, so I always focused on the places that hurt her most. I started by pinching her thick, hairy vulva with two fingers, gradually tightening the pressure. This was where she felt the most pain. I pinched harder and harder, and my wife groaned even more. When she couldn't bear the pain, she would push my hands away, but I would respond with even more force. Soon, tears and vaginal fluid were squeezed out, and I could feel the muddy wetness where my penis was pressing against her from behind. What followed was the rather dull intercourse. We completed the process of penetration and ejaculation in the usual formulaic way. I felt that doing this with my wife was becoming more and more like doing homework. Doing it didn't seem very meaningful, but not doing it didn't feel right either. Once it was done, I felt at ease. And so, the homework was finished, and we went to sleep back to back.

(V)

The next afternoon, I called Lu Ying with a sense of responsibility. I asked her, "How are you feeling today? Are you alright?" She said, "Nothing much, just a little confused when I woke up this morning." I asked, "Confused about what?"

She replied, "I don't know." Then she said she had to prepare for her exams this week and we would contact each other again after that. I was just about to say I would visit her after work when she said that, so I had to take back what I said. I just told her to focus on her studies and contact me after the exams.

Because of this, I was listless for the entire week, and I had no interest in sex at night. My wife thought I was busy with work, so she didn't bother me much. I don't know why I seemed to be infatuated with Lu Ying. Maybe it was because our first hug and kiss that night left a wonderful feeling, and I felt that was where my happiness lay, and I would do anything to go in that direction.

One evening a week later, I had just finished dinner and was idly reading the newspaper when my cell phone suddenly rang rapidly. I picked it up and saw that the caller ID was Lu Ying. As soon as I answered, she said anxiously, "Is this Ming? I have something urgent. Can you come out for a moment?"

Hearing her tone, I knew I had to go no matter what. I looked at my wife beside me and said in English, "Oh, really? When did our company alarm go off? I'll go back and check right away." "Okay, I'll wait for you." She probably knew why I said that, so she didn't seem to misunderstand.

I hung up and told my wife that the security company had called and said our company's security alarm had gone off, and I had to go back and check. Without waiting for her to say anything, I quickly left home and sped towards Lu Ying's house.

When I arrived at Lu Ying's place, I saw a police car parked on the side of the road. Surprised, I went to her door. The door was open, and I went straight in. I saw two policemen taking Lu Ying's statement in the living room. Seeing me come in, Lu Ying nodded to me, indicating I should wait a moment. I felt it wasn't appropriate to stay in the living room, so I went to her bedroom to wait, feeling uneasy, wondering what had happened to her.

About 20 minutes later, the two policemen finished their questioning and left. Lu Ying came in and said, "I need to stay in a hotel tonight. Can you come with me to find one?" I asked anxiously, "Why? What happened?" She sat down and briefly explained what had happened; it was related to her landlord's son. Yesterday, when she came home from school, she found that someone seemed to have been in her room. This wasn't a big deal, as she usually didn't lock the door when she wasn't home, and besides, the door wasn't locked. The landlord's son also occasionally came in to use her computer. However, this time she noticed that the area in the closet where she kept her underwear seemed to have been messed up. Only the landlord's son was home at the time, and she didn't dare ask him. This afternoon, when she came home from work, that guy kept finding excuses to hang around her. That evening, when the landlady and her daughter went out, he actually tried to seduce her. She refused, but he started touching her inappropriately. She yelled at him and warned him that if he touched her again, she would call the police. He didn't listen and actually forcibly kissed her, so she called the police. The guy got scared and ran away.

After Lu Ying finished telling me what happened, I asked her what her plans were after moving to a hotel tonight. She said she'd stay for two nights and see, then find somewhere else to move; she didn't want to stay there anymore. I said that was fine, and then I helped her pack some toiletries, put them in the car, and went to a nearby motel I knew to find a room. We quickly booked a single room at a motel; the rent was cheap, enough for a few days. We carried our things into the room, and after busily settling in, Lu Ying said, "Would you sit down and keep me company?"

Only then did I notice her face was filled with weariness and worry; she seemed somewhat lost and disoriented, so I couldn't bear to leave. I found a tea bag, made a cup of tea, and handed it to her. She took it but didn't drink it, placing it on the bedside table. We sat side-by-side on the edge of the bed, speechless for a moment. After a silence, Lu Ying looked down and whispered, "Can you hug me?"

Although I didn't want to take advantage of her, I opened my arms and pulled her into my embrace. Lu Ying seemed very tired, closing her eyes and resting her head against my chest. I gently stroked her hair. Neither of us said a word; anything said at that moment would have been superfluous. What she needed was simply the comfort of a man's chest to lean on.

Suddenly, my hands felt a little cold; it was from her tears. I gently lifted her face and lightly wiped away her tears with my sleeve. Lu Ying looked at me helplessly with teary eyes, her small mouth slightly open, her breath sweet and fragrant. I couldn't help but kiss her moist lips. Lu Ying immediately clung tightly to my neck, yearning to kiss me back. I didn't know what she was thinking at that moment; perhaps this could dispel her inner fear. She needed the caresses of a man.

I pressed her down on the bed and continued kissing. We naturally undressed each other. Lu Ying shyly closed her eyes, simply cooperating with each other's caresses. Lu Ying's long-dormant body was like a burning volcano. We rolled around on the bed, our limbs intertwined, kissing as if desperately trying to draw each other's tongues out. Lu Ying at this moment was different from the Lu Ying I usually saw. A dignified woman, once in bed, could be like a lioness in heat, yearning for intercourse. Two naked bodies writhed on the bed, biting each other, each striving to penetrate the other. Unleashed emotions surged like a torrent, primal desires burned fiercely, the thrill of the affair fueling the flames. Lu Ying, her eyes still half-closed, whimpered beneath me like a lamb longing for rain after a drought. The pleasurable stimulation sent her soaring to the heavens, then plummeting her back down, then floating on clouds again. Finally, we held each other tightly, reaching that blissful, divine state together.

After the climax, Lu Ying finally opened her eyes and looked at me as if I were a stranger. She quickly got up and went to the bathroom to get a wet towel, then came back and considerately wiped the sweat from my body. She then cleaned the fluid that had leaked from her vagina. Suddenly remembering something, I asked, "We didn't use a condom, could there be any pregnancy?"

She snorted and said, "You're only asking now? How come you just went in like that? If there was pregnancy, it's too late now. Don't worry, it's okay, I have an IUD."

I asked with concern, "How did it feel?"

She didn't look at me and said, "What else could I feel? It's exciting to have an affair, and I enjoyed it, but now I feel bad for my husband. I feel a little guilty, sigh." She looked at the ceiling and sighed. "Do you regret it?"

"It's too late to regret it now. I couldn't control myself. You're bad too, taking advantage of me." She pinched my arm; it hurt.

I held her, gently caressing her breasts, and said, "Actually, we both need this kind of passionate enjoyment. Although we're burdened by our conscience, can we really say we can resist each other's attraction and temptation? When that temptation outweighs our conscience, we naturally cross that moral line, doing things we wouldn't even dare to think of normally. We're both adults, and our minds are mature. Since we've crossed that line, we can only face it honestly. In the eyes of the world, we're wrong, but emotionally, we're not wrong because we both have this need."

Lu Ying blinked, seemingly understanding, and said, "Hmm, maybe. You're full of twisted logic." She paused and continued, "Even so, I still feel guilty. I was out of my mind." She looked a little dejected.

I stroked her and comforted her, saying, "Don't think about it so much. Only the two of us know about this. Just pretend it never happened and don't think about it. It'll be fine in a few days."

"Can you forget something like this? You make it sound so easy," she pouted, pinching my genitals with her hand.

“Ouch, that hurts. If you can’t forget it, we’ll come again next time.” I said with a wicked smile.

“You wish.” She pinched me again.

Seeing that it was almost time, I got up, showered, and dressed. I told Lu Ying to settle in and get some rest, and then I left the hotel and drove home.

(VI)

Lu Ying stayed at that motel for a total of five days. During those five days, we went our separate ways to find a suitable place to live. We met at the motel every day. Sometimes, if we had enough time, we would make love. Lu Ying always firmly said she wouldn’t, but in the end, she couldn’t resist my temptation. Of course, once she got into the mood, she went all out to enjoy it. She said that she had never dared to cross the line with the man she had her eye on before. Now she felt like she wanted to make up for that regret. After all, she had never let any other man touch her in her life except her husband. However, due to the environment and the influence of the things around her after going abroad, her own views began to change. As the saying goes, when a general is in the field, he may disobey orders.

Lu Ying's affair this time doesn't mean she's a bad woman. She still cares about her child and husband. She said she would never have had a relationship with me if her husband were around, and I believe her. In this respect, I'm far inferior to her; I have a wife by my side, yet I still did it. Lu Ying's circumstances, loneliness, and the things she encountered led her into my arms, while I acted unfaithfully because of my innate attraction to women—you could say my willpower wasn't strong enough.

Adultery is always shameful and therefore dishonorable, yet many people have had such experiences to some extent. When two people are immersed in the pleasure of adultery, they don't feel ashamed; at least they think the other person is beautiful; their actions are exciting.

Later, Lu Ying finally found a female classmate at her school who also wanted to rent an apartment, and the two of them shared a two-bedroom apartment near the school. The apartment was empty, so I helped her buy some basic furniture, planning to go back to the landlord's house in a couple of days to move the rest of her belongings out. As for the landlord's son, Lu Ying didn't want to escalate the situation, since she and the landlord had a good relationship. The landlord and her daughter only learned of the incident that evening when they returned home; Lu Ying had called them. The landlord begged Lu Ying not to pursue the matter, explaining that her son had suffered a high fever in his brain as a child and occasionally exhibited unusual behavior. Lu Ying, considering she hadn't suffered any real loss, let it go. Later, she went to the police station to withdraw her complaint, and the matter was considered closed.

On the morning Lu Ying was due to check out, I went to the motel to pick her up before work and take her to her new rented apartment. Because I arrived early, Lu Ying hadn't gotten up yet. After I knocked, she just peeked out to look at me before opening the door to let me in. Once inside, I saw that she was only wearing a bra and panties. She had probably just crawled out of bed, as she smelled strongly of a woman's flesh. I greedily inhaled the scent, then hugged her smooth body from behind. Before returning to the bed, I had already pulled off her only two pieces of clothing. Lu Ying kept trying to avoid me, saying no. I said, "Can I still say no now?" and then, mischievously, I picked her up horizontally and threw her heavily onto the bed. After making love a few times, we weren't so reserved when we did it. Lu Ying, naked, rolled over and sat up to help me take off my clothes. She always liked to unbuckle my belt and zipper, saying that doing that made her feel very lewd and excited. At first, she was hesitant to let my penis go too deep during oral sex. She said that when she did it with her husband, it was just a light touch, and now that she saw mine was even bigger than her husband's, she was even more afraid. I taught her to close her eyes first and imagine it was just a popsicle, then go in shallower and deeper. Lu Ying did as I said, and sure enough, she slowly let the hard penis reach her throat. However, she kept her eyes closed the whole time, and I didn't force her, letting her imagine and improvise. I should say that Lu Ying has now overcome her mental barrier and is more relaxed and comfortable during sex. She also enjoys trying different positions with me. She said that she and her husband didn't do so many different things before, and that I've corrupted her. But while she says that, she is actually very interested in the new positions, and the stimulation from the new angles always makes her overjoyed. She wasn't as eager and frantic as she was the first time. Now, she always tried to keep me inside her for as long as possible. A sense of "since we're here, let's make the best of it" made her happy to slowly savor this long-lost feeling of fulfillment. This slow and gentle penetration often brought her wave after wave of heat, like waves crashing on the shore. At that time, her long, slender legs would tightly encircle my legs, and her hands would press hard against my buttocks, as if she wanted to embed my body into hers as much as possible. I knew this was a sign that she was about to climax, and my lower body would push forward with even more force, pushing her straight to the clouds of desire.

After we finished, we quickly showered, packed her things, and checked out. I wanted to pay for the room and board for those few days, but she firmly refused. Afraid of causing her misunderstanding, I didn't insist. After checking out, we drove to her new place.

Her classmate was there too; she was a girl from Datong, Shanxi, also there to pursue a master's degree. She was very polite, and I was glad Lu Ying had such a roommate. Later, we went back to the landlord's place to move the rest of our things. Luckily, the landlord's son wasn't there, and the landlord kindly saw us out. Lu Ying didn't have much stuff; my car could barely fit it all. On the way back, Lu Ying let out a long sigh of relief. She said she was very happy to be leaving that place and moving to a new one. She was also very grateful for my help these past few days. I patted her hand and said, "It's fate that I was able to help you; it's like a lover's concern."

Lu Ying nodded, squeezed my hand, and said nothing.

(VII)

After moving to the new house, Lu Ying's life became relatively stable, which also provided a good environment for her studies. She would still work two days a week at the advertising company doing clerical work. However, she later said that the Taiwanese boss's wife was always picking on her, so she wanted to find another job. I said that she might have aroused the jealousy of her wife, and it would be better to leave. She said somewhat innocently that she had never paid any attention to that boss, let alone had any feelings for him. That's what I said, but the Taiwanese woman didn't see it that way. Women can sometimes be overly sensitive about these things.

However, Lu Ying was nearing the end of her first year of school, and she planned to visit her family in China during the Christmas break. That day, after we made love in her room, she told me about it. I hugged her, a little reluctant, and said, "We won't have any fun for a while after you leave."

Lu Ying playfully hit me and said, "What more do you want? She's married."

I remained silent. Yes, she was married, and I was married too. She was emotionally empty, and I was attracted by lust; we secretly got together. We were happy when we were together, but afterwards we both felt guilty. However, neither of us showed it to the other, because that would be inappropriate. It's a lie to say that two married people wouldn't feel any guilt after having an affair. It's a very contradictory feeling, and it can't be simply defined by the word "hypocrisy."

The emotions of lovers in an affair are complex and varied. We remember longtime lovers or those with whom we've had a past relationship more deeply, and therefore love them more intensely. If, after many years, we still can't forget a former lover but can't be together, it's a lasting regret. However, when two people having an affair become lovers after only knowing each other for a short time, due to a specific event, environment, or emotional state, this relationship lacks a deep emotional foundation. The love for each other isn't very deep, and coupled with external factors, the affair easily ends without a trace, like a fleeting romance.

I have a feeling that Lu Ying and I will eventually develop into the second scenario.

I usually come up when that girl from Shanxi isn't there to avoid the awkwardness of running into her, which is also Lu Ying's idea. Although this is quite common among international students abroad, they haven't been here long from China and are more or less hesitant about it.

The semester ended, and Lu Ying had booked her plane ticket to return home to visit her family. The thought of her lover leaving always left a lingering sadness, but she quickly suppressed these feelings. After all, she had a family to rely on, and she felt ashamed to be too sentimental with her lover. Finding a balance between family and lover was the best way to make life easier. However, having an affair always brought a lot of mental stress, because there were so many things to be careful about in daily life, and she constantly reminded herself to prioritize not being discovered.

When a man has a lover, the scales of sex tend to tip towards her, and he'll have less sex with his wife, and less enthusiasm. This often alerts a vigilant wife, and to prevent this, the man has to double the frequency of sex to cover it up. Therefore, being an adulterous man is exhausting.

After I started seeing Lu Ying, my sex life with my wife naturally decreased. I often had to casually mention to my wife that I was very busy and tired from work. My wife is a very naive and trusting person, and I shamelessly took advantage of that trust. Even so, we still made love, but the quality wasn't what it used to be.

That night, as usual, my wife came to me for sex. At this point, I usually try my best to complete the task. After a round of abusive foreplay, we went to the missionary and woman-on-top positions. Having had two children, my wife always seemed a bit looser than Ying, who only had one. Even with normal thrusting in these positions for a long time, I couldn't reach orgasm. I had to ask my wife to kneel so I could enter from behind, hoping to increase the stimulation from different angles. However, perhaps because we hadn't done this position for a while, she said it hurt after about ten thrusts. I had no choice but to have her lie on her side with her legs together and raised, and I still entered from behind. After a few attempts, she still cried out in pain. I had no choice but to have her return to her normal supine position, legs still together. I inserted myself through her opening, and the sensation seemed to intensify, but I hadn't reached the point of ejaculation. At this point, I could only continue moving while simultaneously using my mind as a last resort, fantasizing about some unusual, incestuous, and bizarre sexual combinations. A strange stimulation slowly intensified, and finally, I was able to ejaculate.

However, this kind of intercourse wasn't satisfying. I knew where my problem lay, but my wife didn't. I still asked her why it hurt when I entered her from behind. She said she didn't know the reason, so we didn't discuss it further and went to sleep.

The next day, when I got home from work, my wife told me she had gone to the doctor. I asked in surprise, "Why did you go to the doctor?"

She smiled sheepishly and said, "It hurt when you entered me from behind last night, so I went to get it checked out to see what the problem was." I said, "You went to the doctor for that? What did the doctor say?"

She said, "I was afraid you'd miss out on pleasure if I didn't go. The doctor smeared something inside my vagina and sent it for testing. We'll see the results in four days."

Hearing this, I sighed inwardly. I knew her good intentions; she was worried that her actions would make me unhappy, so she secretly went to the doctor. Thinking about this, I felt a pang of guilt, but I couldn't say anything to her. I couldn't tell her that my sexual interest in her had decreased because I had another woman; saying that would be crueler than killing her. I started to feel guilty. Also, Lu Ying and I didn't use condoms when we were intimate. What if something really happened to her…? I didn't dare to think too much about it.

Four days later, the test results came back.

(8)

Four days later, I returned home from work and immediately asked my wife if she had received the test results. She said she had and put them on the desk. I pretended to be calm, walked over, picked up the test report, and started reading: ~~ ...

After reading it, I breathed a sigh of relief and looked back at my wife. She was smiling behind me. I calmly said, "Everything's normal, that's good. What did the doctor say?"

My wife said a little shyly, "The doctor said I might not be lubricated enough, and it hurts if intercourse is too vigorous. You were so rough, you didn't foreplay properly before forcing me in, and besides, we haven't done that kneeling position in a long time." I vaguely replied, "Oh, really? Is that so? We can try to improve that in the future." I secretly decided to buy a KY jelly at the pharmacy tomorrow for any future needs.

Before Lu Ying returned to China, she was so busy that she didn't have time to see me. Buying gifts to take back home and running errands took up most of her time each day. She said she wanted to arrange for her husband and children to come and visit, and she even asked me to be her guarantor. Sometimes I think about it, and the fact that I was the one guarantor for her husband to come see her makes my role seem ridiculous. The day before Lu Ying left, I treated her to a seafood buffet at a five-star hotel in the city. She had everything arranged, so she was in a good mood and high spirits. Looking at her, I admired how well she had managed to adjust her mindset regarding our situation. However, I knew that when she returned to her husband, she could easily bury our relationship deep inside, where no one would know.

Once again, I shamelessly lied to my wife, saying I had to attend a company product showcase that night and wouldn't be home for dinner. My wife didn't say anything, just muttered, "Oh, Friday..."

I suspected she was wondering why there were company showcases on Fridays, but she didn't say anything more and kindly believed me. She only said, "Remember not to drink too much." Hearing her say that made me feel a little guilty, but the base instincts of a cheating man still compelled me to take another step towards infidelity.

Therefore, before Lu Ying left, I wanted to spend some more time with her. I booked a room at the hotel; I didn't want to run into her roommate at this time, and it would be convenient to go to her room after dinner. I didn't plan to stay overnight; I would check out after our romantic time. Such an expense would be wasteful, but there's no such thing as a free lunch when it comes to cheating.

During dinner, I told Lu Ying I had booked a room. She glared at me and said, "You really know how to squeeze in time! The room rates here are so expensive, it's not worth it."

"Don't worry about it," I said, "it's worth it as long as we're together." I raised my glass of red wine. "Here, let me give you a farewell dinner."

Lu Ying looked at me gratefully and raised her glass as well.

After dinner, we went straight to our room. Lu Ying was captivated by the luxurious decor, happily touching and looking at everything, muttering about how expensive it was and how wasteful it was to spend two hours there. Parting the curtains, the magnificent harbor bridge stretched out below. The headlights of the cars slowly passing over the bridge looked like a fiery dragon winding its way across, and the lights from the houses across the beautiful harbor flickered like fishing lights. Lu Ying and I embraced, quietly admiring this rare and beautiful view, occasionally kissing each other.

I said to Lu Ying, "Come on, let's fully experience this magnificent view."

She looked at me with a bit of confusion. I slowly took off her clothes, and I took mine off too. Then, the two of us lay naked on the wide windowsill, cuddling and caressing each other against the backdrop of the scenery outside. For the first time, we faced nature from this high vantage point, our hearts open and honest, as if declaring to the world that we were two souls in secret love. I had Lu Ying lean on the windowsill and said, "Come on, look at the vast land in front of you, let me love you properly this once more." Lu Ying obediently lay down on the windowsill with her arms together. Her smooth buttocks looked even whiter under the starlight. I caressed Lu Ying's smooth body and slowly entered her from behind. The unprecedented and strange sensation quickly brought Lu Ying into a state of desire. Soon, she began to moan softly, constantly thrusting back to meet the waves of stimulation. Looking at the beautiful scenery in front of us and feeling the wonderful sensation brought by the rear-entry position, neither of us wanted to change positions. The two of us continued to sway back and forth like a small boat tossed on the crest of a wave. We rocked on the small boat until it carried two people tormented by passion away from the crest of the wave and slowly floated up to the clouds of desire...

We lay on the bed, exhausted, embracing each other. A feeling of impending separation seemed to spread in the air, and we hugged each other even tighter, as if afraid of this feeling. Lu Ying said softly, "After each climax, my thoughts are conflicted. I keep wondering if we should continue, but I can't convince myself not to see you again."

I stroked her back and said, "I understand your feelings. Let things take their natural course. It's a chance for us to choose. I think you'll have your own conclusion when you go home this time."

Lu Ying hugged me tighter and said, "I know. As soon as I get on the plane tomorrow, my thoughts will probably all go back to home, but thinking of you makes me feel empty."

I said, "Don't think about me so much. Just focus on going back and reuniting with your child. That's the most important thing. We've been happy, and that's enough."

Lu Ying wiped away the tears in her eyes and said, "Yes, I really want to see my son right away. I've been very happy with you these past few days. Although I feel guilty, I don't regret it."

Yes, can we still regret it? Although we didn't have a dramatic love story, nor the courage of Rinko and Kuki in Lost Garden to abandon everything and die in the throes of sexual ecstasy, we experienced a shining moment in our lives. Whether that moment was beautiful or ugly, it is still a moment worth remembering. The next morning, I took Luying to the airport. To avoid being seen, I only said goodbye to her at the airport terminal entrance. We weren't particularly reluctant to part; we had already said so much. She would come back, but would our relationship remain the same after she returned from her husband's side? After all, she wasn't a naturally promiscuous woman; infidelity was just an inevitable interlude in her life, and family is ultimately a woman's final destination.

People always say, "May lovers be united in marriage." However, those who have affairs often don't become couples because they are always bound by their own families. Emotional factors lead them astray in life, but when they realize that family is always more important than that unstable affair, they will make a difficult but rational choice.

And isn't that the same fate for me and Lu Ying?

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