Sinking into the Sea of Desire: A Wife-Swapping Man's Confession - Chapter 339 The Wife's Monologue 7

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What followed was wonderful. Lei's gaze towards me was no longer numb; it became emotional and full of desire. This made me very happy and fulfilled. I also took good care of his life and tried my best to meet his needs. We satisfied each other's desires.
That month was perhaps the most unforgettable period of my life. Aside from work, we were inseparable, feeling even happier than during our courtship, since we hadn't had the chance for truly intimate moments during our courtship. Like Lei, he was radiant, and I became glowing too.
At first, we both felt like we had found our old selves again, mistakenly believing that those difficult days were long gone. But the good times didn't last long; the passion only lasted a month. I don't know why, and he seemed at a loss as well. We hadn't argued, and we were usually affectionate and caring towards each other, so why did we gradually feel tired, lacking passion, and feeling that love was slipping away from us?
Life slowly returned to its usual routine. Lei lost his drive, and I no longer had as many needs. Occasionally, images of Ye Ziyan's husband's villa and that night would pop into my mind, but I would quickly force myself to forget them, silently cursing myself for being shameless. Yet, seeing the fragile spark between Lei and me extinguished again, I felt a pang of resentment. I was afraid of going back to the way things were, back to that feeling of looking at each other like strangers, and even more afraid of arguments and separation. I could see the struggle in Lei's eyes. For several days, we were both somewhat absent-minded, remaining silent during meals.
We both seemed to have ulterior motives, just waiting for the other to say it. But I was still struggling. Whether it was my parents' upbringing or my environment, I knew perfectly well that I was a woman and understood what that matter meant. I didn't want anyone to share Lei, and I didn't want any other man to touch me, not even Ye Ziyan's husband.
Time passed day by day, testing my patience and reason. My resolve remained firm, but I noticed that Lei seemed to be wavering. He was my pillar of support, and his wavering was like an earthquake for me, causing my own conviction to shatter.
Gradually, we returned to those difficult days, losing feelings for each other, becoming perfunctory, and sometimes simply not doing anything. This made me even more afraid; having already experienced that pain once, I didn't want to feel it again. I don't know if it was Lei's wavering or if I was starting to accept it, but my heart wasn't so resistant anymore. Occasionally, when I thought about it, I would try to convince myself that it was for our love, for our family.
Finally, during our lovemaking that night, I saw a choice in his eyes. Although this choice was painful and I didn't want to accept it, I still felt a sense of relief that he had made up his mind. After all, it was a relief for me; I no longer had to struggle with how to choose, nor did I have to bear the guilt of being the one who spoke first. Perhaps this is selfish of me, but I think it's more a woman's helplessness.
Lei did speak up, but he was asking for my opinion. I was already at a loss, so I threw the question back at him. At that moment, I saw reluctance in his eyes—reluctance to part with me. To be honest, I was very touched. After all, it showed that he still cared about my feelings and still valued me.
I told him directly what was on my mind, and he didn't deny it, but he said he wanted me to be happy even more. That sentence already made me very happy because all my happiness comes from him. Although I was very touched and grateful, I still couldn't make up my mind. He seemed to sense my hesitation, so he didn't force me and understandingly didn't ask any more questions.
For the next few days, we tried to avoid mentioning it and went to bed early to avoid the nights. I thought about it a lot. That night, there was no going back, and we were forced to stop halfway through. I was in great pain, and he was also distressed. I saw longing in his eyes. Knowing that he was thinking of Ye Ziyan, I felt like a fish out of water, my nerves instantly tense.
Because he's inside me right now, how can I think about other women, especially the one I care about most? I don't know if I wanted to get his attention back, or if I was angry and wanted to get revenge, or maybe I just didn't want to drag this out any longer, but I almost blurted out that I agreed.
Lei looked at me with surprise, and I could see concern and confusion in his eyes. He told me to think it through, but I had already thought about it countless times. If there were other ways, we wouldn't have to choose this path. But his concern still made me feel at ease.
I couldn't hold back my tears any longer and threw myself into his arms, crying with pain, joy, helplessness, and accusation. He tried to pull me away, but I didn't want him to see me like this, because I was crying so hard and I must look terrible.
Perhaps moved, or perhaps infected by my emotions, he cried too. His tears fell onto my back, icy cold, chilling me to the bone, making me feel both heartbroken and guilty, yet utterly helpless. The emotions that had been building up inside me finally erupted. I hugged him and cried uncontrollably, and he hugged me back, weeping as if to comfort me.
That night, all I wanted was to indulge myself with him; that night, he belonged only to me.

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