promiscuity after breakup

page views:1 Publication date:2014-05-13

In life, people constantly leave or enter. Thus, what is seen becomes unseen; what is remembered is forgotten. In life, there is constant gain and loss. Thus, what is unseen becomes seen; what is forgotten is remembered. However, does what is unseen equate to non-existence? Will what is remembered never disappear? When I finished reading this article after nearly three hours, my heart was deeply shaken several times, and it's difficult to express in words. Therefore, I recommend everyone read on patiently. ********** ... She threatened to kill herself, cried and argued, but never truly agreed to break up. After saying this, Tong got up and left. No crying, no clinging. I waited for a full half hour before stepping out of the restaurant, glancing left and right, wary of her rushing out from some corner, but she didn't ambush me at the door. All afternoon, I kept my phone on silent in the office, waiting for her to bombard me with calls and hysterical outbursts, but it didn't ring once, making me wonder if the office had a blackout button. A week passed, and she remained calm. No activity on QQ, MSN, phone, or email. A month passed—this was the limit of the breakup pain she could endure, and the time I could enjoy being single, yet she remained calm. Then I pinched myself. It felt like a dream. Was it really over? I could finally stay out as late as I wanted, finally flirt with girls without restraint, finally focus on work, finally not have to call in at the top of the hour. I could finally stay in the office until 11 pm, flirting with countless girls online, and even storing pornographic pictures on my hard drive. I could finally go clubbing and partying with the guys she forbade me to date, the ones who loved one-night stands. But I was still prepared for her to come back at any moment; I didn't know when it would end, so I had to live for the moment. I went on a crazy week, staying up until 4 a.m. every day, and then slept for two whole days. Monday was my first day back at work, and then I had to go on a business trip to Hainan. The fruits in Hainan are huge and fresh. I picked up a papaya, her favorite fruit, and thought I'd bring her two. Then I remembered that we had broken up. I no longer had to worry about bringing her anything nice. I was finally free. The sea breeze was gentle on the ship. I remembered the last time I texted her from the ship, "I miss you at sea, baby." It felt like ages, over a month. I turned around and saw a girl with a flowing skirt, so I sharpened my knives and pulled out my long-unused and rusty pickup lines—once I found a new girlfriend, she wouldn't be able to come back—and sure enough, my skills were still sharp. This girl named Jing became my new girlfriend. My new girlfriend, Jing, is a teacher just like my ex-girlfriend, Tong. But Jing is more virtuous and sensible than Tong. Jing's job is as relaxed as Tong's, but unlike Tong, she never goes shopping all the time, maxing out my credit card and then claiming, "All the money is spent wisely." Jing also never calls me like Tong does, sometimes ten times a day: "I saw a dress I like, what color do you like?" "I just saw everyone in couples, I miss you so much!" "When are we going to Guilin?" "Oh, you're in a meeting? Okay, I didn't know. If I knew, I wouldn't call. Focus on your meeting, I miss you..." and so on—things that have no practical meaning and could easily be said at home. Jing rarely calls me during the day when she doesn't have classes, and she always calls precisely at 9 pm, like an alarm clock. Jing is a practical person. Although Jing and I seemed to have lost some of the passion of our romance, I knew it was because Tong's love was too intense. It was like smelling a strong perfume from CD, and then finding a delicate Kenzo scent bland. Five minutes later, I hung up the phone with Jing and checked the time; it was only 9:05. Tong would never let me go after 9 pm. "Then call me back at 10 pm." Sometimes, I'd deliberately forget, and the consequences were even worse—she would definitely call at 1 am saying, "I've been waiting for you to call, why didn't you call?" That's how annoying she was. But now, five minutes had ended my day's conversation with Jing, and I felt empty inside. I went to a forum to lurk. Before, after breaking up, Tong always liked to leave declarations of love that only I could understand on websites I frequented. Three months had passed, and nothing. Actually, the last time, she didn't do anything wrong; it was just a difference in personality. The many breakups and reconciliations we'd had in the past had made us like an old married couple, tired of each other's charm. The moment she opened her mouth, I felt inexplicably irritated, unable to bear it any longer, not even for a second. I knew I had to break up with her. That was my thought at the time, and that's what I did. Before, every time we argued, after a few days of calming down, if she cried again, my heart would soften, and I would rediscover my love for her, unable to break up. This time, Tong didn't. Before Tong, I had loved a college classmate very seriously; that was my first love. After meeting Tong, I both loved her very, very much, and I also hated her very, very much. I love the way she swings her arms; I love the way her nose wrinkles up; I love the way she walks with her belly protruding; I love how she clings to my hand tightly when we walk alone at night or in unfamiliar surroundings; I love how she buries her head in my belly and asks, "Do you love me?"; I love how she won't let me turn over in my sleep, saying I've only been facing her for five minutes; I love how she wouldn't spend 2 yuan on a soda, but would spend 30 yuan on a taxi just to see me… I hate even more her frequent phone calls; I hate how she forbids me from associating with this person or that person; I hate how she never admits defeat when we argue; I hate how she insists on chatting with me on QQ whenever I'm online; I hate how she always subtly contradicts my opinions, even when we break up, and I can never shake her off… I really did get rid of the clingy and annoying Tong and met the right Jing. I don't know if doing this is a bit inhumane. Because Tong's first time was with me; her first miscarriage occurred during one of our many breakups. She didn't tell me, secretly buying medication at a private clinic and having an abortion. This rash act meant that for the next two years we were together, she couldn't conceive again. Tong liked to drink a little, and when drunk, she would insist I take care of her and have a child. One time, she buried her face in my chest and said, "I'm going crazy wanting your child..." "Can you blame me? You didn't tell me." "But we broke up then, and you ignored me!" "If you had told me, would I have refused?" "Really?" Tong looked up at me, bewildered. "It's okay, I'll make sure to give you my dues every month," I said with a smile. At that time, I didn't realize how serious things were. I never used protection, but no matter how much effort I put in each month, Tong never got pregnant. Later, she would even experience low-grade fever and a feeling of drowsiness around her period. I told her I'd find a time when we were both free to accompany her to the hospital for her gynecological checkup, but we kept putting it off until we broke up. Tong had said that after breaking up with me, she would never date anyone else. Because she couldn't get pregnant, she could only date divorced or widowed women with children, otherwise she would be depriving them of children, but she didn't want to be a stepmother. Thinking of this, my heart ached. But at the time, I was so annoyed with her that I forgot all about it. The next day, I called a friend, Wei, to ask about Tong's situation. Wei often contacted Tong; he was originally my friend, but later they became closer. Tong herself hardly had any girlfriends; she mostly hung out with my friends. That was one of the things I disliked about her. Wei hadn't contacted me for several months, and when he answered my call, he hesitated. "Tong is married. The wedding banquet was last week. Didn't she tell you?" I almost fainted: "What did you say?!" "Tong got married last week." (II) It took me a long time to calm down. She was really hurt. Was she trying to get revenge on me? Why was she putting herself through this? Q: "Who did she marry? Was he divorced or widowed?" I kept remembering what Tong had said. "No, he's never been married. He's a PhD graduate who returned from studying abroad. They had a 40-table wedding. They seem to be doing quite well." "You bitch!" I said through gritted teeth, "She got married just three months after breaking up. And she said she'd never marry again!" "You broke up three months ago? Didn't Tong say you broke up a long time ago? The wedding emcee even said they met last autumn..." I couldn't listen anymore and slammed the phone on the table. No wonder they broke up so quickly this time; they'd known each other for a long time.She's already got a spare tire. She even said she'd never marry, but she's getting married in three months. Ha, laughable. I was still worried about her, while she'd already jumped into someone else's arms. I thought she loved me deeply and couldn't let go, but it turns out I was the fool. If I'd known Tong was this kind of person, I should have dumped her two years ago. "We met last autumn," so her heart had already flown away when she slept in my arms last autumn. I rarely drink, unless I'm with clients, but that night I drank so much I threw up dozens of times. That's also a kind of betrayal. When you think the other person loves you more than you love them, and can't forget you even after the breakup, you find that it's you who can't let go, while they've already moved on. Actually, you were the one who got played. I gave the watch she bought me for over 500 yuan when she was still a student and had no salary to the company security guard; I gave the engagement ring she bought me with the money she earned from teaching in the suburbs every day during summer vacation to my cousin to get a pair of earrings made; I threw away her photos, her underwear, the books she read… I proposed to Jing in a fit of pique. Jing was a little surprised, but she still said yes. Four months after we broke up, Jing and I got married. Things in this world are full of surprises. Jing, who seemed more traditional than Tong Xianjing, was not a virgin. Just like I was surprised that Tong, who was open-minded, was actually a virgin. I comforted myself not to care. I assumed Jing was a virgin because even someone like Tong was a virgin. In fact, there are very few women over 20 who are virgins now. Virgins are often immature, willful, and have no good temper. If they can't perform once, they don't know how to comfort you and blurt out, "How can you be impotent?" I will always remember Tong staring wide-eyed and saying, "You're only 29 years old, how can you be impotent?" I was furious, and like I'd done something wrong, I stammered an explanation of what physiological erectile dysfunction and psychological disorders meant. I told her that this would only make things worse, and that she should actively help me relieve my psychological pressure. "I'm sorry, I had no experience before, I didn't know these things." Look at that virgin's excuse! The next day, my desire surged again, and as I was about to mount her, I heard her sweet voice: "Don't be nervous, even if you have erectile dysfunction, it's not a big deal." I froze, my limpness returned, and I sat up, yelling at her: "Are you such a spoilsport? I told you this isn't erectile dysfunction!" Tong's eyes welled up with tears: "Didn't you want me to help you relieve it? Can't I even comfort you like this?" She was aggrieved, but where was my aggrieved side? Tong thought about it herself and concluded that I'd been visiting too many porn sites, so she changed the password and wouldn't allow me to access them anymore. Actually, Tong didn't know that I had a psychological fear, a fear of not being able to satisfy her, a fear that I, a man whose sexual function was starting to decline, couldn't satisfy a woman who was maturing. Tong became more voluptuous after experiencing me. I aged after experiencing Tong. From virgin to mature woman, Tong was filled with curiosity about sex. She forbade me from having any illicit affairs, yet she herself was brimming with interest. One day she'd tell me she'd learned a new position, the next she'd be relentlessly touching my back, saying, "No desire? Strange, the internet says this can arouse desire. Turn over, I'll try kissing your ear." The most jarring moment was when she was desperately teasing me, arousing me too. Just when I thought she needed me to penetrate her, Tong pulled out a ruler: "They all say the average Chinese man is 15cm. Let me measure yours." I wanted to slap myself then and there, hating myself for taking Tong's virginity. Tong's mind was full of chaotic, extreme thoughts that a virtuous woman could never have. Tong saw the news and said that prostitution is popular now. She was afraid I would trade her for someone else. Instead of saying I would break up with her if I did, she said, "If you trade me for someone else, I'll kill myself." Tong was afraid I would cheat on her. Instead of saying I would break up with her if I did, she said, "If you cheat, I'll cheat too. You don't want me to sleep with other people, right? Then don't cheat." Tong was afraid of breaking up with me. Instead of saying she didn't want to break up, she said, "If you want to break up, you have to give me back my son first." That's how extreme she is. Tong isn't like Jing. If I argued with Jing and wanted to break up, Jing would only say in a low, quiet voice, "We're breaking up, what should I do?" Tong would cry and yell, "Fine, break up then! I wish! But you still owe me a child!" Tong was in tears, but she would also attack me. So I can't marry Tong. Tong and I were engaged in the first year, but we never mentioned marriage again in the following two years. I only knew Jing for three months, but I married her. In my heart, I said fiercely to Tong, "Go ahead and marry her. Whoever marries you is doomed. You're willful, clingy, and immature, and you can't even lay eggs." I put a pillow under Jing and said, "Let's have a child. This way, it'll be easier to get pregnant." Jing opened her mouth but didn't say anything. I wanted to walk past her with my wife and child, to make her furious! I wanted to shout "Da Mao" in front of her, and then watch my son run over excitedly, calling "Daddy." "Da Mao" was the nickname we gave to the child we aborted. (III) Women are definitely not what men think they understand. I thought I understood Tong well, but I was proven wrong. Wei asked me on QQ if I wanted to see photos of Tong and her husband. I wanted to type "too lazy to see," but I ended up typing "send." Wei sent me a photo of Tong. She was happily resting one hand on that short, fat "sea turtle" and the other on her fully protruding belly. Tong was pregnant! Five months after we broke up, her belly was already bulging like a ball! She'd been with me for two years and hadn't gotten pregnant. Infertility, chronic uterine inflammation—she'd been getting pregnant with someone else just fine! She must be lying to me. Besides condoms, there are other methods of contraception called oral contraceptives. She'd long since given up on us, so she was afraid of getting pregnant with my child again and had secretly taken oral contraceptives to frame my miscarriage and increase my guilt. Tong is a wicked woman! This is something I never knew before. I must completely forget this poisonous woman. I've been working as a sales manager at a large fragrance company, accumulating two years' worth of year-end bonuses—about a hundred thousand yuan. I asked Jing, "Should we buy a house or start a company?" "Start a company," Jing said. If it were Tong, she would definitely force me to buy a house. Looking at model homes is more appealing to her than shopping for clothes. When she was hired by the school, she told me that with her teaching fees, she'd earn over 5,000 yuan a month. "You can buy lots of pretty clothes." "No, I want to save money to buy a house." Even when we played CS together, it was the same. When we were bandits, she never bought AK or AWP, only MP5s. After a few rounds, a quick glance revealed she still had over 7,000 yuan. "What are you doing, saving so much money, are you going to buy me a sniper rifle?" "No, I'm saving it to buy a house." Then she flashed her signature squinty-eyed smile. When she smiled, her eyes narrowed into slits, you couldn't see her pupils. I started my own business and became a fragrance distributor. I even borrowed money from my buddies, Wei and others. My relationship with Wei was complicated. Before I broke up with Tong, I only contacted Wei once every few months. We were both grown men, living in different cities, so occasional greetings were enough. I overheard Tong mentioning that she often chatted with Wei on QQ. I was quite surprised. Every man who got too close to Tong made me nervous. I thought Tong, who lived with me almost every day, didn't have any close male friends besides me. I didn't expect her to chat with my buddies so often. What did they have to talk about? Wei and I always talked about business—we jointly invested in two lottery outlets—what did he and Tong have to talk about? I was curious, one was a buddy, the other was my girlfriend, but I couldn't ask; I had to pretend to be magnanimous. From then on, I felt awkward around Wei. I didn't know if Wei and Tong's relationship was just friendship, good friendship, or confidantes; after breaking up with Tong, was Wei on Tong's side or mine? Wei never told me what Tong had said about me to him, never commented on our past relationship, never said who was right or wrong, never mentioned it. But Wei would suddenly bring up some news about Tong. "How much do you need to borrow?" "How much can you lend me? The more the better, of course." "I just bought a house, and I don't have much spare cash. I'll try to raise some; ten or twenty thousand shouldn't be a problem." "Okay, thank you. Try to borrow as much as you can. I can pay you back when the first batch of orders goes out." "It's okay. Tong had a son. 7 pounds 8 ounces." Wei always did this, suddenly bringing up news about Tong while talking about other things, just when I had almost forgotten about Tong. "Okay, congratulate her for me. Jing should be pregnant soon too." "Jing is pregnant too?" I said listlessly, "Not yet, I've been busy lately. We'll start planning once the company is back on track. Humph, unlike some people who rush into it first and then buy the ticket later." I had no interest in sex that night. But I roughly dragged Jing into the room and ripped off her and my clothes. She looked at me, still limp, with a confused look in her eyes."It's okay, I'll get hard soon. We need to work hard to make a baby." She remained silent, lowering her head to caress me. With Tong, our sex life was incredibly harmonious, except for a few instances of "psychological issues." Many times we reached climax simultaneously—the perfect ending to sex. Before and after Tong, I always preferred the rear-entry position; it was the least strenuous and most stimulating. But with Tong, I preferred the missionary position. Initially, it was because Tong liked this position. "Don't you like it from behind? That should be the deepest." "I like it, but from behind I can't hold you, and I can't see your expression." Afraid I wouldn't agree, Tong immediately added, "I promise, nine times from the front and one time from the back, okay?" But later I also came to like the missionary position from the front. Because I discovered that each time from behind it took 20 minutes, from the front, leaning over to hug Tong and kissing her, I would definitely climax in less than 5 minutes. Who doesn't like a quick climax? Afterwards, I always sighed, "Sex with love is true sex, and that's the most comfortable." Because Tong is the woman I love, and that position is the most intimate with her, allowing me to kiss her, I, with my experience, can never last more than 5 minutes. Thirty minutes have passed, and I still haven't ejaculated inside Jing. Jing hasn't said anything. If it were Tong, she would complain of being tired after 5 minutes. "I'm not asking you to exercise, and you're already tired?" "Exactly." "Then you need to exercise more, move around more in the future," I mocked Tong. From then on, I defined her in my mind as: willful, clingy, and lazy. I've never heard of someone lying there leisurely, letting out a few cries, and getting tired after 5 minutes. "Forget it, we're not in a rush to have children," Jing finally spoke. I looked up and realized that the Jing in front of me wasn't Tong. Once, Tong and I broke up for a month and then got back together. We seemed to have endless things to say, wanting to explain what had happened in the past month. Tong would always ask, "Do you miss me? When, in what situations, and how do you imagine me? If you miss me, why don't you call?" I would laugh and reply, "Oh, sometimes I think of you when I hear the songs we listened to together, but I'm a grown man, how can I just call you like that?" Tong, what are you thinking and doing right now? When you're holding your son, who's a sea turtle, do you think of our son, Da Mao? (IV) Wei is a true friend; he actually lent me 100,000 yuan. Because I had enough funds, plus the customer network I had built up before and so many years of sales experience, my business quickly took off. I got busy. On a business trip in Zhongshan, I got drunk with a client and walked back to the hotel, letting the cold wind sober me up. Last year, in Shanghai, when I was still working for someone else's company, I also got drunk with a client. I was walking alone on the Bund, watching the bustling crowds around me, watching my trench coat being blown by the cold wind, and I couldn't help but call her. "I have a heavy responsibility. I have to take care of you, take care of Mom and Dad, make money so you can live a comfortable life, and also our child." That was one of the few times I confided in her. I've always felt that a grown man shouldn't say such mushy things. Responsibility has always been there, only the object of it has changed. Thinking about it now still feels like a dream. I never imagined that Tong and I would really separate, that my wife would be with someone else. Although I've always had many complaints about Tong, I always thought we'd grow old together. I'm not such a traditional person; it was a belief Tong imposed on me. Because for her, choosing me seemed like she would never let go. So I was hypnotized, always saying I wanted to break up, but never truly believing we could. I have to admit, Tong is an incredibly persistent woman, at least in our relationship. Hmph, persistent my foot! In the end, she still married someone else. I wiped my forehead. I called Jing. Jing wasn't home. I called her cell phone; Jing said she went back to her parents' house. I took the early morning train home. When I opened the door, Jing was already back. I hugged Jing tightly and said, "My responsibilities are heavy. I have to take good care of you, Mom and Dad, and our future children." "I know. Go take a shower and rest," Jing always said so calmly. The warmth emanating from Jing was something Tong couldn't match. I'd neglected Jing these past few days; I was constantly entertaining clients, barely eating a single meal at home. If it were Tong, she would have already lost her temper. Taking care of her is like raising a child, even more exhausting than raising a child; she can't be left alone. Emptiness, loneliness, and neglect could all become her excuses to drown her sorrows in bars. I've mentioned before that she likes to drink. That's what worries me. But Jing doesn't. Time flew by. Several times the business failed, and each time Wei came to the rescue. I never asked Wei how he had so much money; Wei is a minor official in the Public Security Bureau, and it wasn't convenient to ask if he had illicit funds. During dinner, the CEO of a large company told us some strange stories. "Women these days are unbelievable; they'll do anything for money. I know a female CEO of an advertising company who spent days pestering me to get her business. But I had already agreed to work with an acquaintance, so despite her attempts at persuasion and threats—offering kickbacks, gifts, and all those other familiar tricks—I still refused. Guess what she finally did?" "Haha, what else could she do? She threw herself at me and slept with me." "Hmph, you guessed wrong. Sleeping with me is nothing; is that even a trick anymore? She brought five women, each over 1.7 meters tall, with fair skin, red lips, alluring eyes, and stunning figures. They all swarmed into my office and said, 'Mr. Chen, these are all our company's PR girls. You can choose whichever one or two you like. Of course, if you have amazing stamina, three will do too.'" "Then the female boss took off all her clothes first, pointed to a noticeable scar on her lower abdomen, and said, 'I've already given birth to a baby, so I'm not afraid to ask for help.' Then the other girls also took off all their clothes." We listened, drooling and stunned. "If it were just her, I could definitely handle it. Women who do business, unless they have powerful connections, are basically all used to sleeping around. Even if they were given to me for free, I'd have to think twice. But with five beauties stripping naked in my office, I'm just a mortal, I can't resist." "Then you still got to enjoy the full spectrum of human pleasure? Tell me, how many beauties did you pick?" "Haha, of course, one queen and two empresses. But speaking of which, that female boss is really something else. Hotel, room, beauties, Viagra, uniforms, SM, everything was prepared. She even gave me the gynecological exam reports of the two beauties to check, and whispered in my ear: 'Mr. Chen, I gave them both birth control pills beforehand. Three mouths for each of them, you can do whatever you want with them.'" "We were all amazed, saying that society is not what it used to be, and all sorts of people have appeared now." "Of course, it was her audacity that allowed her to snatch that business deal I was planning to give to my cousin. Do you know how much that deal was worth?" Mr. Chen's words left me speechless: "15 million." Before going to sleep, I held Jing and told her this strange story as a dirty joke. Jing just nestled against me, silent and unsmiling in the darkness. I quickly swore that I was not like Mr. Xu. First, our small company didn't have such a large deal to give to others. Second, even if the business grew bigger, I wouldn't discuss business with the female boss alone unless Jing was present. Jing said softly, "Women are really weaker than men. We're both in business, but being a prostitute isn't enough; you have to be a madam too." I hugged Jing tightly: "Don't be afraid. Anyway, you don't need to go out and do business. I'll take care of you. You can just wait to be a rich lady and enjoy life." Jing and I calculated how much profit the company was making each month. It was on the right track, and we were thinking about how many millions we would earn in the future. When Tong and I first moved in together, one night, in the dark, lying in bed, we talked about marriage for the first time. I hugged Tong and, a little embarrassed, told her that all my savings, including everything, amounted to only 80,000 yuan. But if I saved for another year, I should be able to afford a down payment on a house. Tong said, "It's okay. After I graduate, I'll have over 3,000 yuan a month, and then I can do some part-time teaching, making 4,000 or 5,000 yuan. Add your salary, and we'll have over 10,000 yuan. We'll take 2,000 for the mortgage, 1,000 for food, and 1,000 for our parents. Haha, we'll still have over 6,000 yuan left! How will we spend it?" She even counted on my fingers as she spoke. At that time, I thought Tong was a really good girl, only wanting to help me pay the mortgage. After Tong truly became my woman, she wanted to marry me. But the wife I married was Jing. Tong became someone else's wife, someone else's child's mother. In the darkness, I held the frail Jing tightly in my arms: "I'll earn lots of money for you in the future. I'll treat you well. I'll never cheat on you again." I'll completely forget Tong and live a good life only with you, Jing. "Okay," Jing said softly. I thought Jing would look up at me, bewildered, and ask, "Really?" In the darkness, I couldn't see Jing's expression, only vaguely remembering that Tong had answered like that, his image already blurred.Life went on, and I continued to work hard. People around me said I was gradually changing, becoming more down-to-earth and hardworking, more like a farmer from Shunde. Yes, the competition in business is so fierce now; you can't get a job without hard work. You have to rely on your abilities. If you don't work hard, what will you eat? Tong used to say I had a low level of education and wasn't willing to pursue further studies. I also wanted to grow the company and show Tong, who was married to a PhD graduate from overseas, that I could succeed even without a high degree. Fortunately, Wei lent me money several times during my difficult times. In total, he's lent me hundreds of thousands of yuan. But that's how business is; it all ended up tied up in payments for goods. Luckily, Wei always said there was no rush and never pressured me to pay it back. Mr. Chen's company is very large, with a nationally renowned beverage brand. It's good to have a big company; I gave him a batch of flavorings with almost no profit, so we had a close working relationship. When I went to Mr. Chen's company to settle the payment, he mysteriously stopped me, "I have something good for you today. Come to my office later." His eyes lit up. "Remember that female boss of the advertising company I told you about last time? She's here to collect money today, so she brought a few pretty girls with her. I'll save one for you." I quickly refused. I can't resist external temptations when I'm with Tong. I can't repeat the same mistakes in my peaceful life. "Hey, you're so revolutionary? Just looking at you makes your heart flutter. Let me show you some beauties." "Okay, I'll take a look." Actually, I didn't want to see beauties, but rather to see that formidable "madam." What kind of woman could be so reckless? (V) Walking into President Chen's tightly closed office, I saw four or five model-like women turn around. Each of them was slender and tall, with heavy makeup. The last one to turn around was the shortest in the middle, with no makeup, Tong Yan! It was Tong! I thought her face had become blurry, but even though her figure had changed, I could recognize her immediately. Compared to her fair and plump figure when she was with me, Tong had lost at least 20 pounds. I never imagined that Tong, who used to be so chubby and soft, could become so thin. Her cheekbones, shoulder blades, elbows, and waist were all bony and angular. A tailored black suit flared out of her. Tong was the advertising company executive Chen had described—the kind of brothel owner who would strip naked in front of men and expose her ugliness, the kind of woman who would provide a full range of sexual services for business. From the moment we broke up, I had a premonition that I would see Tong again, but I never expected it to be in this kind of setting, in this kind of capacity. Just as I miscalculated our breakup, I miscalculated our reunion. Tong was equally surprised by our reunion, but she quickly regained her composure, forcing a smile as she greeted me, pretending not to know me. Tong's smile shattered my memories. In my memory, she smiled innocently and adorably, not like this, with a deep furrow along her cheekbones, a smile that chilled me to the bone. I once told Tong that I liked girls who were beautiful and charming, but I always thought that my love for her was too much, and that my constant eating of potato chips was preventing her from losing weight. Even after we broke up, there was still half a dozen of her unfinished ice creams in the fridge, slowly melting. When Tong was chubby, she was pitiful, but when she lost weight, she became cold and aloof. I don't remember the scene at the time; now, thinking back, it's all a blank. I only remember that I couldn't take my eyes off Tong. Mr. Chen noticed and asked if I had any products that needed advertising recently, and he wanted Tong to collaborate with me. It must have been because my gaze was too direct on Tong that he thought I was interested in her and wanted to set her up with me. "Yes, I have advertising to do. Mr. Chen, didn't you say you wanted to find a pretty girl to accompany me? Let her accompany me." Mr. Chen, with one on each hand, and Tong and I went into two suites at the hotel. I went inside, locked the door, and pounced on Tong onto the bed, my tongue ravaging hers while my hands tore open her clothes. "Ugh, why are you in such a hurry? Couldn't you wait until I hung up my clothes and tidied up my things first…?" Tong giggled, verbally refusing me, but her resistance was a half-hearted attempt to unbutton her clothes. This was two years ago, on Tong's birthday. I happened to be in Shanghai on a business trip and took her along as a celebration. The white sheets in the hotel suite, the cramped and private space, made me unable to resist wanting Tong. She even laughed at me, saying I was just bringing her along for fun, but actually it was to satisfy myself. Now, Tong leaned against the table, silent, unsmiling, motionless, just staring at me. I sat on the bed, equally expressionless, watching Tong. From the moment we met, we had been silently looking at each other, exchanging only greetings. There were so many questions I wanted to ask Tong. But Tong appeared as a madam, standing before me as a business bed partner; I only cared about one thing. "How many clients have you slept with?" Tong stared at me expressionlessly, remaining silent. "What are you doing? Weren't you teaching at a school? How did you end up running a company? Weren't you happily married to a PhD graduate from overseas? Are you short of money and need to use your body to make money?" Tong still didn't speak. I finally snapped, standing up and grabbing Tong's shoulders, shaking her violently. "Say something!" But I didn't dare shake her any further. Grabbing her shoulders, it felt like her bones could pierce my hands. She was so light, almost weightless; I was afraid of shaking her apart. Tong looked up at me. "This is my private matter. You're not here to chat with me in a suite that costs 580 yuan a night, are you? If you're not here to sleep with me, I'm going back." She picked up her purse, turned, and walked out of the room without looking back. Before, I was always the one rushing out, and Tong would follow behind, pulling me back to stop me from throwing a tantrum. Now, I was the one rushing out, dragging her back from the stairwell, slamming the door shut, and throwing her onto the bed. I forgot how thin she was; with a light toss, the momentum caused her head to slam heavily against the headboard. I threw her bag on the bed, its contents scattered all over the floor. Tong, her back to me, knelt on the carpet, bending down to pick up her things. When she was chubby, I said I would protect her, and I wanted to. Her thin back is now only half as wide as mine, her bones faintly visible even through her clothes. But I can never protect her again. I lifted Tong up. "How can you mess around like this? Don't you think about yourself? Don't you think about your husband and your children? Does your husband want his wife to sleep with other men every day? Does he not care about you? Do you think you're doing right by your husband and your children?" I probably touched a nerve with Tong. She looked up, tears welling in her eyes, biting her lip, glaring at me. Two years have passed, and I can still easily strike at Tong's most sensitive spot, using this tactic as a winning strategy. Before me, Tong had one relationship, her first love. "Think about it, are there any couples these days who only hold hands and kiss but don't sleep together? He's been dating you for almost two years, and now he's only lost his virginity to me. How much does he hate you to turn down a free lunch that's practically in his mouth!" This is one of the pieces of evidence I use to prove how annoying Tong is whenever I'm angry. Every time I say this, Tong, who's good at refuting me, will fall silent, tears welling up in her eyes, biting her lip, glaring at me. Just like now. I won, I won the argument, in the way that hurt her the most. I admit I'm selfish. I love Tong, I can love her to the bone, but I won't give her my heart. I hate Tong, so I can hurt her with the cruelty of a cesspool. Tong's teeth loosened, and the corners of her mouth slowly lifted; she actually smiled. "I'm divorced." I knew this day would come when Tong walked out the door so easily during our last breakup. She's not the kind of woman who will let me off easily. She came to find me. I let go of Tong's hand, then picked her up again. "I knew you wouldn't let me off easily. You wouldn't break up with me without a fight to the death. So you'd rather use such an extreme method of revenge. Ha, I almost forgot, you're such an extreme and biased woman! First you married the PhD, thinking it would provoke me, but it didn't, so you divorced him, and now you're promiscuous to get revenge on me, right?" I shouted at her through gritted teeth. This woman. She's born destructive. How could she just watch me and Jing live a peaceful life? I was careless. "What exactly do you want?! Huh?! You arranged this meeting too, didn't you?! Let me tell you, don't think you can really ruin my life! You still want to sleep with me? Humph! I only reluctantly accepted you when you were a virgin to satisfy your cravings, let alone now that I've slept with so many men. Even if all the women in the world died, I wouldn't touch you again!! There's no future for us! You're divorced, but I'm happily married now, my wife is a hundred times more virtuous and a thousand times more beautiful than you! I won't let you get involved again!" I screamed, my eyes wide. I know my expression must have been terrifying, like I was about to kill someone. I know that to strike at the heart of the matter, you must strike at the root of the problem; only by completely hitting this woman's weakest point can I win, only then can I have a chance to get rid of her.Tong smiled lightly, a dismissive sneer, and said, "I understand, you didn't come here to sleep with me. I told you I was leaving." She wasn't defeated by me at all; the innocent cuteness of two years ago was gone, replaced by a mature and aloof beauty. Reaching the door, Tong turned back, pulled down her coat shoulder, and said, "But, really, isn't there any temptation at all?" It was she who spoke to my heart. (VI) Tong may have countless flaws, but I must admit, she possesses a strong feminine charm, a natural advantage. She has a full figure, prominent curves, fair skin, long curly hair, and distinct gender characteristics. If I weren't Tong's first man, I might not have such a strong possessive desire for her. Because Tong only has me as her man, she always thinks I'm the strongest, so I'm afraid—afraid that one day, the inexperienced and naturally curious Tong will be overcome by curiosity and sleep with another man, only to discover that her man isn't actually the strongest. I'm also afraid that such a beautiful Tong will be shared with someone else. So I never praised Tong's strengths, and I tried my best to make sleeping with her seem like rescuing someone in dire need, hoping she would think she wasn't attractive to men, even if my actions betrayed the lie—at least I always emphasized that verbally. I was afraid that Tong, my only friend, would one day discover this and use her advantages to seduce other men. This ever-growing fear drove me crazy until I came up with a solution: break up with Tong. After breaking up with Tong, I wouldn't have to worry anymore—worrying about not being able to contact her at night, overthinking, yet having to pretend I didn't care; worrying that after an argument, she would retaliate by cheating on me; worrying that if she found out I was cheating, she would retaliate by having casual sex… Men always have sexual urges and crave novelty and excitement, just like me, just like your husband, or their boyfriends. After breaking up with Tong, I felt incredibly empty, desperately needing the warmth of a woman's touch to replace my right hand. I wanted to prove that my emptiness wasn't the emotional emptiness after breaking up with Tong, but the emptiness of not having a woman's body. So I went on QQ and spent a few days cultivating a relationship, focusing on one target: "Never-Spinning," a 27-year-old married woman with extremely open speech. I also sent her a photo booth picture of myself and Tong. Sending a picture of Tong and me to someone I wanted to hook up with was going too far, but it was part of my strategy. In the photo booth picture, Tong and I looked like a perfect couple, just like when I was stealing someone else's wife; she would definitely feel the same sense of conquest when seducing a beautiful woman's boyfriend. This was a sure-fire way to win. Sure enough, the photo worked, and her interest immediately increased. I started to seduce and tease her more boldly online, which she enjoyed very much and was eager to hear more. Wu: I dragged you into the room, ripped off your clothes, and revealed a pair of snow-white and full breasts... Never-Spinning: How did you know I was white and full? Wu (I was a little embarrassed): Are you white and full? Never-Spinning: Of course. Continue. Wu: ... (omitted). Never-Spinning: ... (omitted). Wu: ... (omitted). Spinning Unceasingly: ... (omitted). None: ... (omitted). Spinning Unceasingly: ... (omitted). None: I'll brush your long hair aside and see how aroused you are. Spinning Unceasingly: But I have short hair. None: It's just imagination. How would I know if you have long or short hair now? Spinning Unceasingly: Your girlfriend has long hair, right? Spinning Unceasingly revealed the truth I didn't want to face—the intimate scene I described with her was actually just a memory of one of the countless times I'd been intimate with Tong. Was I really just reminiscing about Tong's body? No, no, I'm a man who can separate sex from love. I'll prove it to you. I seduced Spinning Unceasingly online several more times, using both soft and hard tactics. Finally, she agreed to come to my house the next morning, but she made one request. None: Tell me, baby, do you want me to prepare TT? Spinning Unceasingly: No. None: Do you like SM? Spinning Unceasingly: Get lost. None: Just tell me what your request is. We're already in this relationship, I'll agree to ten of them, let alone one. Constant Spinning: Actually, my husband has seen all our chat history. After seeing the photos, he really liked your girlfriend and said that if you agreed to let your girlfriend sleep with him, he would agree to let me sleep with you. None: ...I'm not happy! I spent a week typing these words on the computer every day after get off work, but in the end, they were after Tong! I completely broke down. Tong is far more sexually alluring to men than I am. I spent time, brainpower, and tried every trick in the book, but nothing compared to her innocent smile in the photo booth. I never expected Constant Spinning's husband to be some kind of insider at China Mobile, easily finding the number I called most from the phone number I gave him—Tong's—and starting to harass her directly. Of course, it wasn't just me; Constant Spinning was also jealous of Tong after she discovered that her husband had truly fallen for the woman in the photo at first sight. This is what she told me. I can see that man using evidence of my infidelity to seduce Tong even with my eyes closed. I'm going crazy. We broke up, but I still can't let go of Tong. Perhaps it would have been better not to know. Knowing now, I can't, I absolutely cannot imagine Tong being embraced by another man. Tong and I got back together. Getting off topic, I awoke from memories of two years ago, looking at Tong's emaciated body, her shrunken breasts, her diminished charm, yet my desire for her hadn't lessened. Tong had already left. Tong no longer insisted on staying with me. I hated Tong. Her promiscuity had destroyed any possibility of getting back together with her. I mean, if I were single. I called Wei. "Tong got divorced? Why didn't you tell me?" Wei was surprised. "How did you know she got divorced? Where did you find out?" "Hmph. Do I need to find out? She's already famous in our area for sexual bribery!" Wei remained silent. "Looks like you knew! Then why didn't you tell me? You told me about her marriage and having children, but you didn't tell me about the divorce?" "She did get divorced, so what? You didn't get divorced." (VII) Wei reminded me, and I remembered that I had Jing as my wife. I had no right to inquire about anything concerning Tong anymore. "If you really care about her, stay away from her and don't hurt her anymore." "Then why did she get divorced? When did she get divorced?" "Right after she gave birth." "Why? Didn't Tong give birth to a son? Why did she get divorced? Who got custody of the child?" "The baby died before it was a month old. He was born with congenital defects. Don't ask anymore." "I might never be able to have children in my life. What should I do? I really want to have a child with you." "Don't think like that. We'll try to get treatment. Science is so advanced now. If it can't be cured, we can still have artificial insemination." "Really? That's great! I heard that artificial insemination often results in twins." "If the twins are both sons, that's fine. One will take my surname, and the other yours. But if they're both girls, I'll be so disappointed." "Why? Girls are so good. They're considerate of their parents..." "What's so good about them? Someone like you, your parents raised you so well, so fair and delicate, and protected you so carefully, and in the end, you're just given to me for free, aren't you?" "How can you say that? You're so mean..." Tong, who wanted a child, miscarried her first pregnancy, the baby died, and she divorced her husband. The blow she suffered is unimaginable. But none of that is an excuse for her indulgence. What does her indulgence have to do with me? I don't want to get entangled with her anymore. But if Tong were to call me affectionately in a submissive manner, like she used to, and throw herself into my arms, could I still refuse? I took Jing shopping—diamond rings, watches, clothes—I bought whatever she tried on. Jing snatched the card, forbidding me to swipe again. "Are you crazy? I didn't say I wanted to buy anything, I was just looking." "It's okay, looking is fine too. If there's something more suitable, we'll buy it." I want to make it up to Jing. But what do I owe Jing? I don't know. I've never cheated on her since we got married, not even with any other thoughts. Not even yesterday with Tong. Do I owe her love? Who else do I love? As long as I have feelings for Jing and treat her well, that's enough. So what exactly do I owe Jing that I need to make this up to? I owed Tong before, and I want to make it up to her through Jing. I was stunned, ashamed of my own self-talk. "I think we should stop shopping and go home. I'm tired, and besides, we've already bought so much, that's enough." "No, that's not enough. Go pick out some more clothes. Winter's coming soon, pick out some new season clothes, oh, and shoes too." I grabbed Jing and pulled her away without another word. "Don't do this! Look at what month it is, do we need to wear winter clothes here? It's your fault, isn't it?""Buy it, or should I buy it?" Jing shook off my hand and stood in the middle of the mall, raising her voice. It was the first time I'd heard Jing speak more than eight octaves. We stood there, frozen in place. Jing sighed and came over to pull my hand: "Let's go home. I'll make dumplings for you. We can come shopping again next time." Like a mother, Jing pulled my hand, leading my willful child home. Why did Jing treat me like a child, while I treated Tong like a child? My emotions were in turmoil. Jing let me throw a tantrum; she didn't argue with me, letting me be. Tong had two easy ways to find my phone number: Wei and General Manager Chen. I thought she would call me again, just like before when we argued. But Tong didn't. It seemed that from the last breakup, Tong had completely excluded me from her life. That's right, she's now the CEO of an advertising company, planning where to take her female PR staff to meet clients every day. Besides, she's rich now; one deal is worth 15 million, she must be making a lot of money. Why would she remember me? I went to work as usual during the day, but after get off work, especially around 9 or 10 pm, I started to feel unwell. I imagined Tong sitting on this boss's lap, in that boss's arms, at this hour. It's midnight, and Tong is probably lying naked on some hotel bed. "I'm going for a walk." Without waiting for Jing's reply, I grabbed my phone and wallet and headed out. 135… that's Tong's number. I dialed, and the words "Little Doggy" popped up. My phone number; I'd always saved her number, though as a nickname. "Sorry, the number you dialed is not in service. Please check and dial again…" I called Wei again: "Tong's number changed? What's it now?" "I only contact Tong online; I don't know her phone number." "How is that possible? How do you always know her news so quickly?" "Really. She has my number, but I don't have hers. She's the one who calls me when something happens. Besides, I shouldn't go looking for her anymore. Aren't you afraid your wife will find out?" Can you stop someone when they're driven by anger? Back then, Tong was always the one who cried and begged me not to leave when she was angry; now, it's me who's driven by anger, searching everywhere for her number. Wei didn't seem to be lying. There was only one last option: ask General Manager Chen. General Manager Chen, slightly drunk and indulging in a night of revelry, replied, "You initially said you weren't interested, acting like a gentleman. What, now that you've had your fun, you want more? I don't have her number; she's always the one calling me, asking me for favors. I do have her business card, it's in my office, but I don't have it with me right now. Here, come over here. There are a few beauties here, all better looking and with better figures than her. I'll let you have one." "I really want to see her, it's business, we're discussing advertising." "Come on, discussing business at a time like this? I was wondering if that woman has some special skills that make her so alluring? I'll have to try her out sometime..." He slammed the phone to pieces. Before, when we were together, she always made me inexplicably irritable and angry. I never thought it would be the same after she married someone else. I'm anxious and anxious, restless and anxious. Before, it was always me who turned off my phone, and she'd look for me everywhere. Now Tong has changed her number, and I'm the one looking for her everywhere. Tong has a knack for detective work. I've never given her any of my buddies' phone numbers, yet she has them all. I don't know how she got them. Once, the three of us guys went to a bar, and Tong called my cell phone, but it was too noisy for me to hear. So she called the other two. One of my buddies answered, and when he heard it was her, he exclaimed, "How do you know my number? Even your husband doesn't know it!" I turned off my phone because I found Tong annoying; she called too many times, and I was constantly using up roaming and long-distance charges like in a Korean drama. But she actually called me the moment I turned my phone back on, her voice trembling with tears, saying, "How could you really turn your phone off? How could you be so irresponsible? What if I suddenly got into a car accident or got robbed and had to call you? Do you know how long I've been calling your phone?" "Tell me, are you still annoying me? If you keep bothering me, I'm turning my phone off again." "Don't turn it off..." Tong immediately burst into tears, "I won't bother you anymore. Okay?" I smiled smugly, "Hmm, that's more like it. I'm hanging up." "Ah, wait a minute, you haven't said a single sweet word to me today, you've only scolded me. Say one thing, and I can sleep a little better, just one thing." I have a way to annoy her by turning my phone off, and she also has a way to make me say cheesy confessions. "Good boy, baby, be good so I'll like you." "Okay, I'll be good. Did you miss me today?" "Of course." "If you did, why didn't you call me?" "I was so busy today, I just got home, and I haven't even showered yet." "Really? What were you busy with today?" "Busy with... Ugh, how many times have we talked? Didn't you say you wouldn't bother me? I'm hanging up." "Okay, I won't say anymore. Say 'I love you' one more time and I'll hang up." I was firm, and Tong couldn't do anything about it. Tong acted cute and pitiful, and I couldn't do anything about her either. We're natural enemies. That's why we can still meet after breaking up; it's fate. I just don't know if it's a bad fate. I tossed and turned all night, unable to sleep. I got up and went online. Jing pressed down on me. "What's wrong with you lately? You usually start snoring after five minutes. Are you having insomnia?" Here's a joke: There's a person who can sleep very well. If you don't talk to him for a minute after he gets into bed, you can hear him snoring. If I couldn't fall asleep within ten minutes, I'd panic, thinking I had insomnia. He didn't know that it usually takes others 20 minutes to fall asleep. That's what Tong said. That's how I lived, carefree and oblivious. At the time, I didn't realize that this was happiness. The happiness of falling asleep in a minute. The next day, I went to Mr. Chen's company early to get Tong's phone number. Holding the number, I cleared my throat, just like when I first called Tong after meeting her, rehearsing what to say. Would Tong not answer my call? I hadn't changed my number. Would Tong coldly hang up on me? But Tong's two years of secret life, Tong's current situation, whether Tong still had feelings for me, Tong's thoughts—all these things gripped my heart like a mystery. A woman who once loved me so much, her transformation in just two short years, tempted me, and I dialed Tong's number, completely bewitched. It was a man's voice! I didn't say anything; I hadn't considered this possibility. The other person was still saying hello; I hung up. Three seconds later, Tong's number dialed again. "You just dialed this number. What's your relationship with the owner?" "And who are you to her? I'm looking for Tong. Tell her to answer the phone." "You want to see her? Come to the XX Public Security Bureau." (VIII) Through the glass window of the Public Security Bureau, I saw Tong. She clearly hadn't slept all night; her eyes were bluish, her eyeliner had smudged around them, her hair was disheveled, and her thin body was curled up in the chair. She had taken off her shoes and was fiddling with her toes. Tong liked to tuck her feet up on the chair like that. I had teased her about it before; she ate like that too, like a beggar. "I always do it this way. My mom does it this way, my dad does it this way. Our family always eats like this, feet not touching the ground. It's a Tong family custom. Humph, you're just jealous, jealous that you can't tuck your feet up." When Tong hummed, her mouth jutted forward, and her nose wrinkled, making her look especially cute. Tong was engrossed in fiddling with her toes, and I had the illusion that she was still as innocent as when I first met her. That year, she was 21 years old. Tong was detained on charges of "sexual bribery." Because I called her and also own a fragrance company, I was suspected of being involved. The police asked, "Why did you call her? What's your relationship? How did you meet?" "She's my girlfriend, we've broken up." After confirming I had no business dealings with her, the police said I could leave. I stood up, still separated from Tong by the window. Tong looked up, saw me, a flicker of surprise in her eyes, quickly replaced by calm. She knew I couldn't save her. I just watched her through the glass window, wanting to help her, but powerless. Tong's bluish eyes followed me out of the police station, like that night we met again, staring at me, expressionless, yet unwavering. Outside, I frantically tried to figure out how to get Tong out. Hiring a lawyer. That wasn't a problem; the key was to find someone I knew in the police station to get the accurate information and prevent Tong from suffering unjustly. I thought of Wei; Wei frequently came to our city on cases and was well-acquainted with the local police. I immediately called Wei's mobile phone, but it didn't go through. I called his office, and Wei's subordinate said he was on his way to our city. "It's very urgent. It seems there's a case here, but he just left alone." I called his cell phone, and Wei answered. "Are you on your way? Are you driving here?" "How did you know?" "How many hours until you arrive? I'll come pick you up." "About three hours. I left at 4 a.m.." "Great, you're just in time. You need to put aside your cases for now. Let's meet and I'll tell you about Tong's situation." "You know Tong's accident happened?" "You know too?""I came here specifically to handle her matter." Wei hurriedly parked the car on the side of the road and said to me, "I told you not to contact her, but you wouldn't listen. Let me tell you, don't worry about Tong, I will do everything I can to save her. As for you, don't get involved anymore. I heard someone is planning to report this case as a typical case of sexual bribery in your city. That will make things even more troublesome. Whoever gets involved will be tainted. You have a wife, don't drag yourself into it. Besides, it'll be pointless if you get involved." "Well, you'll need money to pull strings and hire lawyers, right? You go and do the connections, I'll prepare the money." "Okay. Remember, contact me if anything happens, don't contact Tong, and don't contact anyone related to Tong again." "Wei, if Tong is really guilty, how many years will she be sentenced to?" "It depends on the amount involved." "What about over 10 million?" I remember that the bill that President Chen gave to Tong was 15 million. "Do you remember that woman from our old China Construction Third Engineering Bureau who took on construction projects? She was also suspected of sexual bribery, I think it involved over 70 million yuan, and she was sentenced to death." My vision went black, my legs went weak, and salty tears welled up in my eyes. I'm a man, I never cry, I only shed tears. I've only shed tears six times in my life. Once was when I was six, my parents divorced, I cursed my dad, and he slapped me. Once was when I was 28, my grandmother who raised me passed away. Once was when I was 29, Tong and I had our first argument, and she packed her bags to move back home. I tugged at her clothes and told her she could come back whenever she wanted. Once was when I was 30, I made the first decision to break up with Tong. Once was when I was 31, celebrating Tong's birthday in Shanghai, the Bund, Xintiandi, everything excited her, and I realized I hadn't taken her on a trip in three years. It hurt; Tong had suffered with me. And now, this time. "Tong will be sentenced to death?" I asked Wei, trembling. "No, I was just giving an example. Someone was sentenced to death for over 70 million yuan. How could Tong have that? 10 million yuan would probably get her around 10 years, if that holds true. Of course, that's the worst-case scenario. But how do you know there's 10 million? Did Tong tell you? Is that accurate?" "No, I was just giving an example." As I was about to leave, a policeman ran out of the station: "Perfect timing, you're still here. She wants to see you." Me, Zhuozi, the policeman, Tong. In this unconventional way, we began a calm conversation. "I... I have no relatives here, so I'd like to trouble you with some things. This is my house key, the address is... could you please get me some clothes, and also, could you call home to let me know I'm safe and sound, that I've gone abroad?" Tong was truly worldly-wise; her voice was calm, her emotions serene. Did she realize the seriousness of the situation? How could I have forgotten that Tong had no relatives here? She'd lived like this for two years! During that time, she had lost her child, divorced, and now she was in custody. Reaching out to take the keys, I touched Tong's hand; the bone jolted me, and my heart ached. The location of Tong's home was unbelievable—it was the very place we had lived together for three years. After I moved out, Tong rented it! (IX) I remember moving out four months after our breakup, when I was preparing to marry Jing. At the time, the landlord said that a tenant had told him that someone would rent it as soon as I moved out, preferably with all the furniture. It turned out that the tenant was Tong. When Tong took on the 15 million yuan deal, she was still living in this two-bedroom apartment without an elevator! Now, every table and chair is exactly as it was when Tong and I lived together. In the living room, there's still my treadmill, the mirror where I hugged Tong and said, "Look how well we match!", and the dining table with the tablecloth Tong brought from her "parents' home." In the bedroom, the wardrobe, TV stand, bedside table, and the folding table she brought back from IKEA in Shanghai—everything is unchanged. I opened the wardrobe. One shelf was filled with clothes I'd bought for her, clearly never worn since the breakup, always folded and stored away, the creases deep. On the wall beside the bed, I touched a familiar spot—three crooked words Tong had carved with a hairpin after one of our arguments: "I hate you." On another wall hung enlarged photos, pictures from our best times, of Tong, my mother, and me hiking together, all of us laughing carefree. Tong had carefully kept all our photos; I'd said I'd enlarge them and display them when we bought a new house. "How tacky," Tong had said then, "who displays such large photos these days? If you're going to display one, display a famous painting!" It made me feel embarrassed. The whole house showed no trace of her ex-husband. Tong seemed still the innocent girl I loved, unmarried and promiscuous. I finally couldn't hold back anymore, clutching my shattered heart as I knelt down. Tong, she had always loved me. Regardless of whether she'd been married or how many men she'd slept with, she lived like this in our room every day. Jing called: "You didn't go to the company today?" "I'll tell you when I get back. I'm going to take care of something and then I'll be home." I bought Tong's favorite potato chips, plum strips, pineapple beer, and her clothes, and handed them to her. After checking the clothes, Tong laughed and said, "How can you still be so careless? This skirt is clearly yellow, why did you take a purple top? It looks awful." I slammed my hand on the table, stood up, and yelled, "You're still laughing! How can you still laugh! Do you know what the situation is? Wei said that ten million would get you 10 years, and eighty million would get you executed, and you're still laughing!" Tong was startled by me and hurriedly came over to hug my waist, saying, "Really? You can't not save me! I'm so scared, I won't do it again, brother..." Tong always mischievously imitated Korean dramas, calling me brother. "You know how to be scared now?" Tong obediently nodded. "Really? Then shake your hand, and I'll save you." Tong's hand-shaking was so cute, a unique move, her whole body twisting along with it. "What does shaking my hand have to do with being shot? Can you guarantee they won't shoot me if I shake my hand?" "Of course." Tong, expressionless, picked up a coat without even looking and put it on, saying, "Go home early, don't worry your family. I'm fine, you don't need to come again." "Wait for me, I'll go get you a lawyer." Tong gently shook his head. No, don't waste another penny on me. "It's okay, although I don't have much money, I'll spend whatever it takes to benefit your case." "Your money isn't just yours, it's your wife's too. I appreciate your kindness, but don't say anything more, go home, don't come again." Tong said, enunciating each word clearly. "I know you're upset that I like b

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