Desire life

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This post was last edited by Dinisa.

This is an era where love is hard to find; almost everything can be bought with money, and is emotion no exception?

(I) I graduated many years ago, worked in a state-owned bank, battled in the futures market, returned to campus, and had high-level discussions with my MBA classmates. Now I work for a private equity fund in Shanghai. Over the years, I've experienced the darkness of humanity and society, and indulged in the pursuit of money and women. The result is that there are fewer and fewer things that can truly relax or excite me. I no longer experience the exhilaration of eating the cheapest hotpot with classmates in the innocent days of youthful days, nor the nervousness of first asking my girlfriend to dance in front of the girls' dormitory.

Despite this, there are still some who, despite experiencing more, stubbornly pursue true feelings. We love without showing our emotions, and our sorrows leave no trace. We ignore how much our hearts ache, and alone, we appreciate the cruel beauty of emotion. Only when we realize how foolish we were do we understand that the most beautiful things in this world are as fragile as crystal ornaments. But we still profoundly understand the true meaning of emotion in our own way, remaining silent and unmoved by praise or blame, like the gentle moonlight that has remained unchanged for thousands of years. Because we firmly believe that no matter how society develops, how advanced technology becomes, or how noisy the world becomes, there will always be people who don't want to seek supermarket-style emotions. I admire such people, because I can't do it. I also had a period of pure emotion. That was seven years ago… At that time, I was a broker at a futures company. It was hard work, but I was happy. Every day was filled with hope, completely different from my previous experience working at the bank. Most importantly, I had a girl I deeply loved with me. Her name was Shan, my college classmate, and my first love. She was a beautiful and charming girl from Jiangnan, with fair and smooth skin like milk and long, flowing black hair. I especially loved her always tender, bright eyes and sweet, soft voice. Everything about her captivated my entire being. When I was young, I read Dai Wangshu's "Rainy Alley" and always had a poetic longing for Jiangnan. And she seemed to be the girl in my heart holding an oil-paper umbrella.

A large part of the reason I left the bank was because I wanted to be with her. So we quit our jobs and came to Shanghai together. We had no money, but we had youthful passion and hope for the future. We worked hard and played hard. We made love wildly almost every night, as if we had inexhaustible energy. At that time, we shared an apartment with others, so we couldn't be too unrestrained. We hoped that one day we could earn enough money to buy a house, get married, and then have a baby, living an ordinary and peaceful life like most people.

I can hardly forget our first time making love. Before that, we had dated for a year, but apart from hugging and kissing, we had never had any deeper physical contact. One summer vacation, we went to Mount Hua together. We stayed at a classmate's house in Xi'an, and I slept with her. Although I was very impulsive, nothing happened. It's unbelievable now! Our first time making love was at her home. I had just quit my job and came to her hometown, a small town, to pick her up. It was a very famous town on the border of Jiangsu and Zhejiang provinces, a true water town. Half of every house was built on the water. I was very curious and asked her to show me around every alley.

It was already late, and the familiar aroma of food wafted from every house in the alleyway, accompanied by the sounds of Suzhou storytelling I couldn't understand. She walked half a step ahead of me, graceful and elegant, like a delicate, hazy poem in the twilight.

"Shan!" I couldn't help but call out to her.

"Hmm!" She turned to look at me, her bright face as beautiful as a flower in the setting sun. My heart skipped a beat.

"Will we be like them in the future?" I asked, pointing to a young couple eating through the open window.

I thought she would tease me as usual. She was a sharp-tongued girl, and usually she would never let me get the better of her. This time, however, she was silent, not uttering a word, only her face slightly flushed.

"What's wrong?" I thought I had offended her.

"Nothing!... But, I can't cook!" she said, her eyes glistening with tenderness as she looked at me. We had made even more outrageous jokes before. But tonight, the atmosphere was clearly different.

"I can cook!" I took the opportunity to put my arm around her slender waist. She didn't resist, because most people in the town knew each other, and she would never let me hold her during the day.

"You cook! What can you cook?! Instant noodles!" She knew that was all I could cook.

"Yeah! Didn't you say that my instant noodles are the best?" "But we can't eat them every day!" She seemed to be worrying about eating instant noodles every day. Her brows furrowed, making her look incredibly cute.

"Anyway, I won't eat them, you eat them." "Then what will you eat?" "Isn't it obvious?" "What! Tell me quickly." She started to whine. She twisted her body, seemingly trying to break free from my grasp. But　 I held her even

tighter.

"You want me to say it! I'll eat...eat...you! You're so beautiful!" Before she could react, I had already pulled her into my arms and sealed her lips, which I had longed for for months.

"Yi..." Her words were also swallowed by me. Then she returned my kiss passionately. It was a passionate kiss filled with longing! I had longed to kiss her ever since I arrived at her house that afternoon, but had never had the chance.

Now, my wish had finally come true.

Her soft, fragrant body was in my arms, her full breasts pressed softly against my chest through the thin fabric of her clothes, her sweet scent filling my breath and making my mind almost falter.

"Shan... my Shan... you have no idea how much I've longed to see you..." I sucked on her tender tongue, my hands tightly embracing her boneless waist, almost lifting her up.

"I... me too..." she said, her breath unsteady, her face flushed, her words broken and fragmented.

This kiss was more intense and passionate than any we had ever shared before. I sucked on her even harder, swallowing the nectar flowing from her mouth without reservation.

My hands slowly moved down, caressing her buttocks, occasionally giving them a gentle squeeze, feeling the firmness of her hips. I imagined her cheeks must be very flushed. I felt a surge of heat in my lower abdomen, and my penis throbbed painfully inside my jeans. My heart was racing, and I didn't know what she was thinking. Perhaps sensing my growing desire, I nervously released her hand, and she took the opportunity to move slightly away from me.

"Let's... go back and eat!" she said softly, almost moaning, avoiding looking at my erection.

I was incredibly embarrassed and tried to calm myself down. The atmosphere on the way back to her house was strange; neither of us spoke.

I don't remember what we ate that day; I just kept answering her father's various questions. My Mandarin was heavily accented with Wu dialect, and Shan often had to translate for me to understand.

After we finished eating, I felt like I'd been granted a reprieve and rushed to wash the dishes. Partly to make a good impression, but more importantly, to escape her father's interrogation. Her family wasn't well-off. Her father was a teacher at the town's primary school, and her mother was ill and stayed home to recuperate. She had an older sister who had married and moved to a nearby county, but was divorced and raising a child alone. That day, her mother happened to be visiting her sister.

Shan helped me wash the dishes, and we talked about our future jobs in Shanghai. We were excited, even though we had no idea what the future held. But being together again was more important than anything.

Her parents strongly opposed her resignation. She had been assigned to work at the local tax bureau, a stable job with a good income—a very good job in their eyes. But she didn't like it; she didn't want her days to be repetitive. She wanted something new and exciting every day.

After washing the dishes, her mother returned and spoke loudly with her father for a few moments. I didn't know what they said, but it seemed to be related to me. A little while later, her mother cooked a bowl of sweet egg soup and insisted that I eat it, saying it was a local custom. I was quite surprised; was this really a local dessert? But no one else was eating it. As I was declining, I suddenly noticed Shan blushing and giving me a meaningful look. My heart skipped a beat, and I held my breath and ate all the cloyingly sweet stuff in one go.

Her mother was very happy to see me eating so quickly, her face full of kindness, which reminded me of my mother far away. She always watched me wolf down my food like that. My heart suddenly ached, and I felt much closer to her mother. The eggs didn't seem so bad anymore. With her mother present, the atmosphere became much more relaxed. Like all elders in the world, her parents said many earnest words to me, as if their precious daughter was now in my care.

Seeing that we were getting along quite well, Shan went to take a shower by herself.

"Mom, look at Dad! He's been on the train all the way, and you still want him to rest early." Shan came out of the bathroom wearing a loose, pure white advertising blouse, revealing two long, slender, fair legs, and a glimpse of her curvaceous figure.

At the time, this kind of clothing was very popular among female college students. For a while, the campus was full of girls dressed like this. Even now, I still think it's the most youthful and alluring outfit for a girl.

Her appearance and sweet voice made my mouth dry, and I quickly drank a few sips of water to hide my panic.

"It's okay, I... I'm not very tired." I pretended to speak insincerely, but I really wasn't very tired; I just wanted to spend some time alone with Shan as soon as possible. I don't know why, but I was particularly impulsive today, and seeing her like a lotus emerging from the water, my lower body was stirring again.

"You should rest early! You're going to stay for a few more days anyway," her mother said with a smile.

"Then I'll go take a shower," I said.

"Wait a minute." Hearing me say I wanted to take a shower, Shan quickly ran into the bathroom, and a moment later returned to the room with a brand new towel, handing it to me… The warm water felt wonderfully comfortable, and Shan's scent still lingered in the bathroom. Suddenly, I noticed the laundry wasn't fully covered.

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