Dreaming Back to the Han Dynasty - Chapter Four: A Tale of Two Cities

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The nun once said that if we could go back to the era of arranged marriages or cousins marrying their brothers, the energy saved could build a Great Wall. Indeed, I've returned to the era of older cousins marrying younger cousins, but how to spend this saved energy, if not building a Great Wall, is another question. Half a month has passed since the arranged marriage, and the family is still immersed in the joy of me becoming the Crown Princess. This shows how scarce topics of conversation were in ancient times.
Overindulging in food and drink can somewhat relieve energy. Although this era is still like the planned economy era, occasionally distributing meat requires the emperor to organize his officials into a queue, making it a festive occasion to receive the pork. The advantage of being a member of the royal family is that you never have to worry about food and clothing; you have everything you could want. However, the delicacies you eat are few and far between. Besides, my strict requirements for my figure don't allow me to indulge in excessive eating and drinking. I know that if a woman isn't ruthless to herself, a man will be ruthless to her.
Seeing my listless expression, Milan suggested, "Miss, if you're bored, you could go see the Crown Prince. Besides, it's been a long time since you last visited him."
"Silly Milan, a smart woman throws herself into a man's arms, not into his grasp. Besides, I haven't even thrown myself into his arms yet! Let me tell you, so you won't go astray later. Actually, the sweetest love is three parts getting and seven parts wanting; and the most stable marriage is seven parts getting and three parts wanting. Therefore, a marriage isn't sweet because the woman gives the man too much!" I admit I'm a selfish woman; I won't waste my feelings on someone before they give me 100% of their heart. Even if I do invest, I can slowly withdraw, right? Love only a little, like Guanyin Bodhisattva dipping a willow branch in holy water—a little is enough; too much becomes an overabundance.
"Milan, Paris, you're both a few years older than me, so you'll definitely get married before me. You must never treat relationships like a service industry, because working like a slave will only exhaust you, haha."
Milan and Paris were shocked and immediately knelt down. "Miss treats us like sisters. She not only taught us to read, but also taught us martial arts to protect ourselves. We are willing to follow Miss forever."
"Get up, you guys. I only taught you to read so you could be my playmates, have some fun bickering, relieve my boredom, and help me without making mistakes. I taught you martial arts because I can't handle hardship, and you can protect me. You think so highly of me, it puts a lot of pressure on me, haha."
"No matter what you say, Miss, please let us stay by your side for life, otherwise we will kneel here forever."
This era was relatively lenient for women; if they were unhappy after marriage, they could remarry, and there was no requirement for women to remain faithful to one husband until death. But how many husbands are truly faithful to their wives until death?
"I agree, get up now. But you have to promise me one thing: if you take a fancy to any man, you must tell me. I will stand up for you and make sure you don't suffer any losses."
"Thank you, Miss." Looking at their tearful expressions, I slowly sized them up. Paris had thick eyebrows and big eyes, exuding a heroic air, and a slender figure. She was the type I admired, without any affected mannerisms. Milan was petite and delicate with a pretty face. There were some freckles on her nose, which added to her girlish innocence and charm, making her very likable.
I estimated Paris's chest to be the size of a southern Chinese breakfast steamed bun, then looked at myself: half a northeastern Chinese steamed bun! (Well, the difference isn't too big, acceptable.) Then I looked at Milan: 4/3 of a volleyball!!! (Shocking!!!!) My newly built-up sense of self-confidence was instantly shattered by that enormous volleyball, leaving me no room to maneuver. Because Milan is only 160cm tall!! She's carrying 1 1/3 volleyballs on her back! This burden is a heavy blow to me; this is the greatest chest I've ever seen!!! The difference between people can be as vast as the difference between a fried egg and a small volleyball! It reminds me of a joke:
One day, a gentleman went to buy underwear for his wife. Since he had never bought underwear for his wife before, he didn't know which size to buy!
After arguing with the shop assistant for a long time, the assistant could only describe it as fruit!
Shop assistant: Papaya?! Sir: No! No!
Clerk: Apples?! Sir: No, no, no!
Shop assistant: Wax apple?! Sir: Smaller!
Shop assistant: Eggs?! The gentleman happily replied: Yes! Yes! Yes!
When the shop assistant turned to get the underwear after understanding the situation, the woman suddenly shouted: "Miss, wait a minute! It's been fried."
I couldn't help but laugh out loud, and with a mix of admiration and envy, I awkwardly moved half a meter closer to Milan. Milan, seeing my shifting expressions of joy, thoughtfulness, and frowning, and now my lustful gaze fixed on her chest, felt a chill run down her spine. She hid behind Paris, unable to meet my venomous eyes.
With ulterior motives, I asked, "Milan, what do you usually eat? Can you tell me everything?"
The diet she gave me shocked me again: vegetables, nothing but vegetables! Who would have thought that a little white rabbit that only eats vegetables could have the physique of a carnivore? And I, a carnivore who can't live without meat, only have the physique of a herbivore. I feel it's so unfair. Isn't it said that you grow according to what you eat? I eat meat every day, but I haven't gained any weight in the places that need it, while Ahua, who eats vegetables every day, has such a magnificent figure.
"Paris, are you sure? Milan only eats this?"
"I already asked," Paris replied irritably.
It turns out that even Paris, who has no romantic feelings whatsoever, had asked Milan about her recipe with ulterior motives. Suddenly, it dawned on me that I wasn't the only one with such a dark mind about my own and others' breasts.
Back in college, I rudely asked my roommate for their opinion of me.
They tossed out three words: "Flat-chested!"
Me: "How uncreative! Even the Sahara Desert is better than an airport."
They both said, "Come on, at least there's a small sand dune in the vast desert!"
Now I must avenge this humiliation. Holding Paris's hand, I said, "We're still developing. As long as we follow my recipe, there's still time. Trust me, it's true!" Even though you were my comrade in arms in my past life.
I whispered in Paris's ear, "Don't worry, I won't abandon you. Our goal is to defeat Milan, hehe." We smiled knowingly, which made Milan shout angrily.
Now Paris and I are on the same side, and we need to have a good discussion about the breast enhancement plan, so I sent Milan to buy some seasonal fruit.
"What's in season?"
"What are the seasonal foods and specialties of this season? Go to the market and see what's the cheapest and most popular at each stall."
"Why not buy the expensive ones? My wife always makes me buy the most expensive and rarest ones."
"What's remarkable about Traditional Chinese Medicine is that it has discovered that plants growing in each region can help people adapt to the local environment and climate changes, making them less prone to illness. This is a remarkable discovery. So you must remember to eat local foods." I used the wise saying "A healthy body is a healthy body" to send Milan away.
"Paris, tell the cook to prepare some black beans. We'll cook them, grind them into powder, and add them to our daily soy milk." Ancient medical texts record that black beans can improve complexion, eyesight, and hair, and make skin fair and tender. However, as far as I know, black beans are high in protein and low in calories. Black beans are very high in protein, equivalent to twice that of meat, three times that of eggs, and twelve times that of milk. They contain 18 kinds of amino acids, especially the eight essential amino acids. Black beans are also high in trace elements such as zinc, copper, magnesium, molybdenum, selenium, and fluorine, which can delay aging and moisturize the skin. The black skin of black beans contains anthocyanins, which are excellent antioxidants that can eliminate free radicals in the body, especially in the acidic environment of the stomach, where they have a good antioxidant effect, nourishing the skin and promoting beauty, and increasing intestinal motility. Black beans are also rich in vitamins, especially vitamins E and B. The vitamin E content is 5-7 times higher than in meat. As is well known, vitamin E is a crucial substance for maintaining youth and beauty. Although the ancients did not know that black beans contained a high amount of vitamin E, they learned through practice that it was a beauty food.
"Will this work?"
"There are no papayas available now, but black beans are rich in protein and won't make you fat, so we can only use these as a substitute. Stewed pig's trotters with soybeans are also good, so you can start eating them from now on."
"protein?"
"He's just a stupid, neurotic, and idiotic person, haha."
"Miss, you're joking again. Does papaya really have such great effects?"
"Of course, there's a show that brings together several beautiful women with very large and impressive breasts for interviews, asking them what their secret is. They say that when they were little, their families had a plot of land where papayas were grown, and they grew up eating papayas. Then one of the viewers blurted out, 'So I grew up eating longan!'"
"Haha, how ironic." Typical Paris, quick reaction.
"So I've decided, our goals are: devilish figures, white-collar income, everyday happiness, bourgeois lifestyle, shopping sprees, a large number of lovers, and husbands who are our slaves!"
Paris only half understood what I was saying, but she could still grasp the meaning and burst into laughter.
"Frame what I just said and hang it on the wall to constantly inspire us. Doing chest expansion exercises regularly can also help; come and do them with me."
"One two three four, two two three four, three two three four, four two three four..." It turns out that happiness is so simple!
By the time Milan returned with a basket of peaches, Paris and I had also finished our workout.
"Miss, what kind of exercise were you doing just now? It looked so strange."
"Make your breasts firm, otherwise gravity will cause them to stick out." I mischievously swept my eyes towards her chest, and Paris was already laughing so hard she was doubled over. By the time Milan understood what I meant, we were all laughing so hard we couldn't straighten up.
"Ah Jiao, what's making you laugh so happily?" Princess Guantao arrived gracefully with two attendants.
"Mom, you're here! I was just fooling around with them."
"Quickly change your clothes and come with me to the palace to visit the Empress Dowager. It's not good to stay away for too long. The Empress Dowager has been asking about you. Besides, you'll be the Empress in the future. It's always good to have the Empress Dowager backing you up."
"I understand. I'll bring some gifts to show my respect to her." He thought to himself, "I'm not going to the palace because I don't want to see someone."
"That's more like it!"
When I arrived at the Empress Dowager's place, I breathed a sigh of relief. Thankfully, I didn't run into Che. At least I didn't want to run into him before I was fully mentally prepared.
Empress Dowager Dou held my hand and looked me up and down, praising me with admiration, "Ah Jiao is becoming more and more beautiful and charming. She's grown up so much. Her eyes are especially dark and deep, and they're so full of life."
"Because her eyes most resemble the Empress Dowager's, haha." Empress Dowager Dou was very kind and loving towards her children and grandchildren. Although she was also very powerful and domineering in politics, in my eyes she was just a kind and easy-to-please old lady.
"You really know how to make people happy. The hair loss remedy you told me about before was really effective. This little devil is so clever."
"I only dared to report to the Empress Dowager after I saw that some people in the community had done it and found it to be effective. Gillian doesn't do things she's not sure about."
"Now I take a piece of ginger every day, cut off the top, and rub it on the areas where my hair is thinning. After a while, the hair in the area where I applied the ginger has grown back noticeably. It's amazing."
"I've also heard that thoroughly brushing your hair before bed every night can stimulate the scalp and make your hair shinier. Just don't brush too much, otherwise your hair will split and become thin. It's best to use a brush made of boar bristles. Your Majesty, you might as well give it a try. Maybe you can have a full head of beautiful hair like before."
"I'll definitely do as you say, haha."
"My hair used to be dull and my scalp was itchy. Gillian taught me a little trick: you can use an egg to wash your hair. Beat an egg well, then dilute it with five times the amount of warm water. Carefully massage your scalp and hair, rinse it clean, and then gently comb it. Your hair will become shiny. To prevent an itchy scalp, after each time you wash your hair with warm water, rinse it with cold water, then quickly dry it with a cloth. This can prevent scalp itching and reduce dandruff. If you have a lot of dandruff, you can grind an onion into a paste, wrap it in gauze, and gently wipe it on your scalp. If your hair is very dry, you can grind walnuts into a paste and rub it on your hair; the effect is also very good." Princess Guantao happily shared her tips with the Empress Dowager.
"Scratching your skin in public or having dandruff all over your clothes is unseemly. Of course you have to be careful. Your Majesty, I brought you a small bottle of face cream. It can remove wrinkles and make you look younger, hehe." I had to quickly interrupt Princess Guantao's endless chatter. I couldn't let her reveal all her secrets, or how could I possibly maintain my reputation?
"You always bring me these novel things. Tell me, what does Ajiao want? Is there anything you want in this palace?"
"Bird's nest." I wonder if this can help with breast enhancement?
"I have plenty of these; I'll have someone send them over to you. Do you like this?"
"Thank you, Your Majesty. It's because I've never tried it before that I want to give it a try." I was used to being poor in my previous life. When I was in college, I wanted to eat a candied hawthorn from Beijing, but when I saw it cost 5 yuan, my friend scolded me, "Eat it and you'll die!" Now that I have the chance, I'll indulge myself. When I have money and power, I'll eat bird's nest like it's my main meal!
"Come and tell me about this wrinkle-removing face cream." The Empress Dowager looked at me with shining eyes. No woman can resist beauty, no matter how old she is, and the older she gets, the more she loves to look pretty. This reaffirmed the truth of the saying.
"This can be used for two months. Now, Your Majesty can have someone make it for you. Select the larger garlic cloves, wash them, mix them evenly with natural honey, and seal them for storage. After two months, you will find a clean liquid flowing out of the garlic. Before going to bed, apply the liquid evenly like a skin cream. It is extremely effective in eliminating wrinkles."
The Empress Dowager couldn't stop smiling, as if she had become young again.
After I finished speaking, the Empress Dowager finally allowed me to go out for a walk and chat privately with Princess Guantao.

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Dreaming Back to the Han Dynasty - Chapter Four: A Tale of Two Cities

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