A woman's mole - (Sixty-seven)

page views:1 Publication date:2023-06-02 08:17:38

In this high-stakes gamble, there are no winners, only those who hurt and those who are hurt. The hurt suffers immense pain, while the hurter feels guilty and remorseful. Even saying "I'm sorry" a thousand times cannot heal a wounded heart.
I wandered aimlessly to the company building. I had never looked up at the tall building where I used to work so quietly before. I craned my neck to try and find which floor I was working on, but all I saw was a gloomy sky. Under the gray sky, the glass on the skyscrapers looked like a row of towering waves, pressing down on me and making me dizzy.
The place is so oppressive that I can hardly breathe. I really want to shout and yell at the top of my lungs right here downstairs in this bustling area.
Damn it...! Damn it...! Damn it...!
In fact, the world is very simple. It only becomes complicated because of people. As a result, we animals called humans feel that life has become complicated.
It's a simple truth—I'm not crazy, though I might want to be; I have to work to earn money to support my family; I have a report to submit tomorrow, and I need to prepare materials for a meeting in Beijing next week… There are so many things waiting for me, so I can't be yelling like a madman here. So, under the security guard's questioning gaze, I lowered my head and silently walked through the door, pressed the elevator button, got into the elevator, pressed the button for the 24th floor again, and then closed my eyes and waited, as if waiting for the elevator to slow down more and more, never to reach the end, or like a death row inmate waiting for the gunshot.
With a ding, the elevator doors slowly opened in the middle. As I stepped out, I glanced up and saw the green Arabic numeral 24...
I think it's a good number; Kobe's number was 24...
"I'm working overtime tonight, so I might get home late. You should go to sleep early..." Not daring to call Guo Ying, he could only send her a WeChat message.
Sitting in the chair, I was unable to focus for a long time. The letters, numbers, Chinese characters, and graphics on the computer screen felt like ants crawling onto my eyes, making me uncomfortable and forcing me to close them tightly.
A pale face, almond-shaped eyes with clear black and white, tears streaming down my face, faint freckles… I clutched my head and cried out in anguish, “Please! Don’t show up again! Go away! Go away now! Don’t keep appearing in front of me! I’m going to die!!”
"What are you muttering about?" came a voice from behind.
"What's wrong? You look so pale?"
I forced an awkward smile and said, "It's nothing, I'm just a little tired..."
"Then you should go home and rest early..."
"I have to work overtime tonight, and I have a report due tomorrow... It's okay, you go ahead and do your thing..." I said, rubbing my stiff face vigorously.
"Do you need my help?" She was as enthusiastic as ever, leaning over to look at the screen.
Unlike before, when I smelled her fragrance, I suddenly felt extreme fear. I desperately held my breath and turned my head to the side.
What's wrong with me? Why am I being so cautious? Why don't I just lazily take a deep breath like usual, smile at her and say, "It smells so good!" and then watch the faint blush rise on her face, raising an eyebrow at her with a sly grin...
What's wrong with me? I shifted my body uneasily, feeling like I was being pricked by needles, wanting nothing more than to get as far away from her as possible, as if she was about to hurt me, or perhaps I was afraid of hurting her.
"Why are you standing so far away from me?" she said, frowning.
"I...I need to go to the restroom..." I said, then stood up and hurried away as if fleeing a plague.
"You!" came a coquettish voice from behind.
The icy water splashed on my face, sending a shiver down my spine. Looking at my reflection in the mirror—my eyes red and my expression contorted—I almost didn't recognize myself…
You shameless person! You despicable person! You bastard! Why don't you just die!
I kept cursing myself in front of the mirror, gritting my teeth, wishing I could smash that shameless and despicable bastard in the mirror to pieces!
Why did you come back again! Why didn't you just leave me decisively! Why are you still thinking about me! Why...?
The bastard in the mirror seemed to have transformed into that girl with fair cheeks and light freckles. Her almond-shaped eyes, clear and bright, seemed to speak, murmuring softly to me. Her voice was so tender, as tender as a sticky rice dumpling in May, making one want to take a gentle bite...
The phone ringing suddenly interrupted my reverie, and the girl in the mirror shattered and vanished instantly.
"Why aren't you back yet?" the girl from before asked anxiously.
I took a deep breath, trying to make my voice sound normal, and said, "Right away!"
"What's wrong with you? Why are you washing your face in this cold weather?..." she asked with concern.
"It's nothing, it's none of your business," I interrupted her abruptly. As I sat down, I realized that she had written quite a bit for me while I was away.
I wasn't appreciative at all; instead, I snapped at her irritably, "Why did you change it for me?!"
"I..." she stammered, her face flushed, "I was just trying to help you, why are you so angry?"
"..." I glared at her fiercely, then turned away and ignored her. I heard her stomp her foot behind me, let out a soft snort, and then walk back to her seat in her high heels.
I frantically pressed the undo button, deleting everything she had painstakingly created, but then I couldn't write a single word myself, so I could only stare blankly at the screen.
"What's wrong with you? You were so fierce just now!" Perhaps she noticed that I was spacing out a bit unusually, so she sent me a WeChat message.
I could only turn back to her with a wry smile and say, "I'm really fine... or you can just think of it as me having an intermittent bout of mental illness..."
She chuckled, rolled her eyes at me, and said, "Then why aren't you going back? I'll help you with the rest. You're not worried I won't do a good job, are you?"
"Alright then, I really couldn't write a single word just now. I'll treat you to dinner later, thanks!" I stopped being coy, nodded to her, and said, "I'm off now, damn it!"
"Vulgar!" she scolded. "I'll send it to your email when I'm done..." After leaving the company, I wandered around the subway station, not wanting to go in, not wanting to go home, not wanting to do anything.
It was the first time in my life I had ever stepped into a bar. It was a bit early, and there weren't many people. It was very quiet, so I quietly listened to the music and hid in a corner, drinking alone.
I've never liked drinking alone because it always tastes awful and is hard to swallow. But today, I found it delicious! I poured some liquor—I don't even know what it's called—into my mouth, grimaced, and swallowed it. The liquor burned like a line of fire down my throat to my stomach. I gritted my teeth and said, "Fuck, this is so damn good!"
By the time the resident singer started performing, I was already a little tipsy. A girl sat on a chair with a guitar in her arms, her straight hair partially obscuring her face in the dim light. She must have been a pretty woman, just like her clear, pleasant voice.
Guo Ying sent me a WeChat message asking when I was coming home; she was sleepy. I said I was still working overtime and might not be home tonight. She asked if I could come home to work on it. I said no, I can't bring company documents home, you should go to sleep…
With a hint of guilt for the deception, I continued to pour the dark red liquid into my mouth, swallowing painfully while cursing: It fucking tastes awful!
At this moment, the girl on stage sang:
To save Li Lang, I left my home; who would have thought I'd become the top scholar in the imperial examination?
The top scholar wore a red robe, his hat adorned with palace flowers—how fresh and new!
Li Lang's dream is now past; where is that romantic figure now?
From ancient times to the present, it's a long story, but it all boils down to feelings.
What is the greatest sorrow in this world than the fear of not meeting you?
This world feels a bit unreal, yet I've inexplicably fallen in love with him.
Twenty years have passed like a fleeting dream, and I still don't understand love or affection.
Songwriters are hypocrites; listeners are the most heartless.
Rain falls in torrents outside the Peony Pavilion; who will return home is anyone's guess.
You're the one returning home, tell me clearly, who did you put there?
..."
The song in my ears stunned me. The glass in my hand rested on my lips, motionless. Until I heard "Twenty years have passed like a dream of wealth and glory, still not understanding love or affection," I suddenly felt a lump in my throat. I couldn't help but down my drink in one gulp, muttering to myself, "Youth knows no sorrow." Then I laughed self-deprecatingly, laughing until tears welled up. I tried hard to hold back the tears and said, "Damn, what a fine autumn day!"
It sounded like a phone call was coming in. Picking up the phone, he asked impatiently, "Who is it?"
"Hey! I sent the stuff to your email, check it quickly... Why is it so noisy? Where are you?"
"Oh, thanks! Want to come over for a drink?" I said, slurring my words.
"Oh? By yourself?"
"Nonsense! Are you coming or not?!"
"Then...then wait for me."
The girl who sang is gone, she left quietly with her guitar. I don't know if I'll ever see her again, or if she'll be gone when I come back here next time.
"Twenty years have passed like a dream, and I still don't understand love or affection. The songwriters are hypocrites, and the listeners are the most heartless. But my favorite is naturalness. Where are the romantics now? No matter who it is, we can't escape love. You ask me what I'm afraid of? I'm afraid of not meeting you. Did you walk past me in a fleeting moment?"
"Oh, you're singing all by yourself?" She asked with a charming smile, having appeared out of nowhere.
"You scared me to death!" I said angrily, squinting my eyes.
"You're so annoying today! You're so irritable!" she scolded.
"I'm annoyed! Either drink with me or get lost!" I said impatiently, waving my hand.
"You!" She kicked me with her sharp high heels and said, "You're such a scoundrel! You let me come over and then told me to get lost! Fine, get lost!"
"Don't go!" When I saw her turn to leave, I grabbed her hand with a bit too much force, and she fell back into the chair.
"I'm angry!" she said, frowning, struggling to free her hand from my grasp.
"I apologize! I was wrong! I was an idiot! I had a foul mouth! I'm a piece of trash! Is that okay?"
"You're such a scoundrel!" she scolded, her anger seemingly subsiding a bit.
I smiled wryly and said, "Then tell me, what should I do to stop you from being angry?"
"Let go! Then I won't be angry anymore..." she said, forcefully pulling her hand away and rubbing it, scolding, "Why did you use so much force..."
I called the waiter over and let her order her own drinks. Smelling the fragrance on her, I said to her, "Did I do something wrong again?"
"Hmm?" she asked, looking up in confusion.
"I don't think I should have called you here. You should have gone home..." I said, scratching my head.
"Are you out of your mind today?! You called me all this way here and now you keep trying to get rid of me?" She finally snapped.
"You've misunderstood... I just felt I shouldn't have done it again..." I blurted out, fueled by alcohol.
"What do you mean?!" she said, blushing.
"What do you think?" I asked, squinting at her.
"You...! You scoundrel!" she cursed.
I thought she would get up in embarrassment and anger, and before leaving, turn her head and say: Shameless!
But this didn't happen. What happened? What's wrong with me today? The world feels so unfamiliar, almost unreal.
"Aren't you leaving?" I asked, puzzled.
"Why should I leave?" she said, pursing her lips.
"Aren't you afraid I'll ruin you?"
"You?" she glanced at me dismissively.
"Damn!" I muttered under my breath, "I just messed with a girl today, so I'm feeling really bad, and that's why I came to have a drink..."
"Oh?" She finally looked up and stared at me. Her eyes were large, but her eyelids were single-lidded, and her eyebrows were drawn on, slender like a crescent moon. "Was it when you went out this afternoon? I was wondering why you were gone for so long..." she said, pursing her lips.
"Actually, I didn't do anything when I went out..." I shook my dizzy head vigorously and said, "Oh, no, I just hugged and kissed someone, and then came back, haha..." After saying that, I laughed like a madman, laughing so hard that I bent over.
"You're sick!" she said.
"Yeah, I'm fucking crazy! Haha, you don't know, I took her virginity last year, and then I slept with her again last time. I thought she wouldn't talk to me anymore, but who would have thought, haha, I... haha, it's hilarious, she actually said she missed me, missed me... haha, isn't that stupid?" I said unrestrainedly while laughing.
She stared at me, speechless. I looked at her through the tears in my eyes and continued, "I thought she wasn't a virgin, but I realized I was wrong after we slept together. I only intended to have some fun, but after meeting her today, I realized I was wrong again. She actually told me she missed me! Haha, isn't that stupid?!..."
"You cried..." she said.
"Really? Haha!" I wiped my face and said, "This is a laugh. Don't you think what I said is hilarious? I'm fucking dying of laughter! Why aren't you laughing? Isn't it funny? Haha... Isn't that stupid? It's fucking stupid!"
"Yes, she's stupid!" she said, biting her lip.
"No! She's not stupid! She once had aspirations and hopes... The one who's really stupid is me! No, I'm not stupid either, I'm just shameless..." I said, clutching my head in anguish.
"Yes, you are quite shameless!" she said.
"Thank you! That's the most honest thing I've heard all day. Damn it, everything else is fake... Songwriters are all hypocrites, and listeners are the most heartless..." I asked her, "Am I really heartless?"
She nodded and said, "Yes, you are very heartless!"
"I can't be heartless! I'm afraid of falling in love with her, I dare not fall in love with her, haha... I'm so shameless! I actually made up such an excuse for myself, haha... Let's drink!"
She hadn't touched the glass in front of her, so I reached out and grabbed it, saying, "Why aren't you drinking? Are you really afraid I'll ruin your life if you drink too much? Haha..."
Unexpectedly, she snatched the glass, tilted her head back, and downed it in one gulp, then said to me disdainfully, "You? You've had too much to drink..."
"Yeah, I've had too much to drink. You should go home!" I stood up, leaning on the table, and swayed as I said, "Looks like I can't take you home..."
"You go too!" she said.
"Me? Where to? I don't want to go home. If I go home, the girls will bite me to death... It will hurt!" I shook my head vigorously.
"Let's go! Let's go outside and sober up!" she said, pulling my clothes and leading me outside.
"What song were you humming just now?" she asked.
The wind stung my face a little, but it also cleared my head a bit. I said, "I can't remember, but I've heard it before. A girl sang it before you came, and it was really moving."
"Feigning illness..." she said with a smile.
"Yeah, a little!" I said with a wry smile. "Hmm? Are you talking about me or her?"
"Of course I'm talking about...you guys!" she said, covering her mouth with a laugh.
"..."
"Shall I take you home?" she asked.
"Huh?" I exclaimed, startled. "No way! And I don't want to, uh, I'm afraid to go home. If I tell her I'm working overtime tonight, and I go home reeking of alcohol, I'm doomed!"
"A domineering wife at home?" she asked with a squinting smile.
"It's alright," I said with a wry smile, "It's painful yet pleasurable..."
"With a tigress at home, why would you go out to find food?" she said, pursing her lips.
"..."
"What are you going to do later? You're not going to spend the night on the street, are you?" she asked.
"I'll go get a room to sleep in..." I said, then, emboldened by the alcohol, I added with a mischievous grin, "Or do you want to come along?"
She blushed and glared at me, scolding, "You pervert!"
"What's there to be reserved about? We're all adults. After tonight, we'll have nothing left, won't we?" I looked down at my flushed face and laughed.
"Do you often do this?" she asked with a smile.
"Um?"
"These invitations are often so direct and explicit..."
"Let me think!" I shook my head and said, "I think this is the first time. I've always been very reserved before, haha..."
She rolled her eyes at me and said, "We're colleagues..."
"Oh?" I looked her up and down, then asked with a smile, "You mean...?"
"I'm leaving, I'm not going to care about you anymore!" she said with a smile.
"How about you take me to a hotel..." I said, shrugging.
"No!" she said.
"..."
I watched her get into the taxi, then the window rolled down, she smiled at me and said, "Goodbye!"
"Damn it!" I cursed at the taxi that sped away.
Huh? It seems like...it was her who paid the bill just now? Damn it...

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A woman's mole - (Sixty-seven)

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