A woman's moles (01-06)

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Introduction: I saw Gu Xuan again after many years at her wedding. I sat in the audience watching the newlyweds, bathed in soft lighting. Gu Xuan was beautiful that day, the brightest star of the night. The faint mole on Gu Xuan's chin gave me a feeling of yesterday, as if not long ago she was still kneeling in front of me, her red lips enveloping my penis, with a faint black mole beside her lips… I couldn't help but wonder when I had forgotten her? It seemed like a very, very long time ago. My memories were like an old film reel, playing out blurry images. Perhaps many fragments were damaged, but there were always many fragments that were so clear that I couldn't forget them… (I) I used to be a very withdrawn person. I don't know when this personality started, but I know why I was withdrawn. I clearly remember that I never liked to talk when I was very young. I preferred to be alone in a corner doing what I wanted. Even a screw, a pulley, or a hollow steel pipe could keep me engrossed for an entire afternoon... The only thing my family would show me was concern, oh, and that was my grades. After each exam, my report card would linger in my father's hands for a few minutes. This former soldier would use his rough, scarred index finger to carefully slide across the report card. Fortunately, most of the time, he was satisfied, and I had a period of relatively free life, doing what I liked. I don't know when I developed an illness, just a stuffy nose. At first, my family thought it was a minor ailment, but it got worse over time—one night in junior high, I suddenly woke up because I had a dream where warm water seemed to be constantly splashing on my face—I got up and wiped it, and my mouth, cheeks, and pillowcase were covered in a sticky liquid, warm blood. The following year, this happened more and more frequently, even bleeding from my nose during class… My homeroom teacher called my parents to the school, berating them mercilessly, saying they were only concerned with making money and didn't even know their child was in such a state! I still remember my homeroom teacher, his hair slightly gray, slamming his fist on the table… I persevered until the middle school entrance exam, had surgery to remove the tumor, and everything was fine. I vaguely remember, however, that before entering the operating room, I roughly pushed my father away and staggered towards the operating room myself. I squinted and coldly watched his mouth, covered in white foam, twitch, giving me a sense of vengeful pleasure…
From high school onwards, I stayed at my aunt's house near the school, even after the college entrance exam. After the exam, I had free time and thought about many things. I thought about my somewhat lonely and dull life before, about the girl I secretly admired but could only secretly admire from behind, about the little things still at home, about the big locust tree in front of my grandmother's house… One day, my cousin, a high school freshman, suddenly asked me, "Brother, which school do you want to go to?" My homeroom teacher always said that if I wanted to get into Tsinghua or Peking University, I should endure three years of hardship, and then it would be easy once I got to university… My cousin’s words stunned me for a moment, and I suddenly realized that I couldn’t always live in the past. I’m only 18 years old. What kind of life should I have in the future? (II) Thinking back to myself back then, I was a bit cute, a bit naive, and very concerned about saving face. After receiving the admission notice, I studied it and then secretly ran home to get my household registration book, forged my father’s signature, and went to apply for a student loan certificate by myself. Only my cousin knew about these things. One day at the end of August, my cousin saw me off alone. Just as I was about to get on the bus, she stuffed all the spare change she had saved into my backpack, and said with red eyes, “Brother, remember to call me when you get there. If possible, call your aunt and uncle too…” I left without saying goodbye and arrived in an unfamiliar city in the slightly chilly autumn rain. After buying the necessities, I only had less than 1,500 yuan left out of the more than 2,000 yuan I had. This was my future living expenses. So, I applied for a maintenance-related work-study job. It only required working two or three nights a week, earning 400 yuan a month, enough to make ends meet with a little left over. I was very fortunate to have three great roommates. The eldest was a big, talkative guy from Northeast China; the second was from Northwest China, with small eyes that always seemed a bit lecherous; the youngest was from Zhejiang, speaking in a soft, slightly effeminate voice…
I first met Gu Xuan at a hometown gathering shortly after the start of the semester. She happened to be sitting next to me, with short, ear-length hair, a slightly round face, and a faint black mole on her left chin. Unlike me, Gu Xuan was very outgoing. She frequently talked to me, despite my reserved and shy nature. I had never drunk alcohol before, but at Gu Xuan's urging, I couldn't resist having two beers, and then I slumped onto the table, my face flushed. By the end of the gathering, I had sobered up a bit, but I was a little embarrassed because I could only write the dormitory's phone number on an A4 sheet of paper in my contacts. "Don't you have a phone?" Gu Xuan asked from the side, her round cheeks flushed from the alcohol. "I don't have money to buy one..." I replied sheepishly. We walked side by side back to school, the cool night breeze easing my burning face. The moon was full, and the streetlights cast a dim, yellowish glow. Our dorms were close, separated by only one building. She stood downstairs, a slight smile playing on her lips. "I'm going up now, remember to keep in touch..." I watched her gracefully walk through the gate until her footsteps faded at the end of the corridor. I was incredibly busy as a freshman. Classes, part-time jobs, even weekend work—tutoring or handing out flyers—leaving me almost no time to think about anything else. The night before the National Day holiday, I received a call from Gu Xuan. This was the first time she had called me first—no, the first time we had ever spoken since we met... "Let's all go out and have fun tomorrow," her voice was clear yet slightly hoarse. I knew that the so-called "everyone" was probably my high school classmates who studied in the same city. I hesitated for a moment, thinking about the 100 yuan I'd earn a day distributing flyers during the National Day holiday, and finally refused, saying, "I have things to do during the holiday, you guys have fun." Gu Xuan was puzzled by my refusal, muttered "We'll talk about it later," and hung up the phone. Around 2 pm the next day, I still had more than 200 flyers to finish. It was very hot, and the bottle of water I brought from school was long gone, so I took a break to buy some bottled water at the newsstand next door. As I tilted my head back to drink, someone suddenly tapped my shoulder from behind, startling me so much that I choked on the water and bent over, coughing violently. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, are you alright?" It was Gu Xuan's voice, patting my back as she apologized. The flyers at my feet were soaked, and I didn't have time to talk to her, quickly picking them up and wiping them clean on my clothes. "You... you're distributing flyers?" "Yeah..." I replied, head down, wiping the flyers. Then came silence, a silence that lasted for quite a while. "How many do you have left? Let me help you!" I looked up in surprise at her sun-drenched face. "No need… What are you doing here? Weren't you guys out having fun?" I declined. "I took the subway here to transfer, I went inside to use the restroom," she said, pointing to the Central Mall behind her. "Then you should hurry up and go, they're still waiting for you." "It's okay, I'll call them and tell them to go first." After making the call, she "snatched" most of the flyers from my hand, winking mischievously, and said, "Let's go." The sun was shining brightly that day, the sky exceptionally clear, a blue like an indigo-dyed curtain. The faint mole on her slightly upturned chin was so cute and beautiful. Perhaps pretty and cute girls have a natural sense of approachability, which was reflected in the speed at which she handed out flyers. In less than an hour, she had run out of flyers, while I was still struggling with a stiff smile…
With her help, I finished distributing 500 flyers before 4 PM. After receiving the money, I dragged my aching legs and slumped against a wall. "Get up, don't sit here! It's not good..." Gu Xuan frowned and pouted, reaching out to pull me up. This was the first time I had touched a man's hand besides my cousin's. Her hand was a little cool, soft and boneless. She dragged me into the McDonald's next door. I suddenly felt a little scared because the two of us could easily eat up the 100 yuan we had worked so hard for. So, I desperately backed away, saying, "I'd better go back first..." "I'm thirsty, I haven't had any water all afternoon!" Gu Xuan seemed to like pouting; her red lips covered her pearly teeth, and her fair face made them even more vibrant and striking. "What do you want to drink? It's my treat!" I said reluctantly. "Coke is fine, it's very thirst-quenching!" she said with a playful smile. "Why aren't you drinking?" she asked, her voice muffled by the straw. "I'm not thirsty, I just drank a bottle of water..." She suddenly stopped, blinking and staring at me, making me a little uneasy. "What's wrong?" I asked, scratching my head and face, puzzled. "I..." she pouted, looking embarrassed, wanting to say something but stopping herself for some reason. On the way back to school, she held that Coke the whole time, not saying a word. I was exhausted, like a dog, and had no energy to talk. At her dorm entrance, she asked if I was going again tomorrow. I said yes, it's a hundred yuan a day! She asked if I could go. I said it's too tiring, you definitely can't keep it up! She was unhappy and said, I definitely can! I laughed, you're not short of money, is it really necessary? She pouted and said, mind your own business! You ask around if they need anyone else! The next morning, I reluctantly woke her up, and she sleepily boarded the bus. Even now, I still admire her greatly, truly, from the bottom of my heart. I don't know what kept her going all day, panting heavily, sweat soaking her bangs, which clung messily to her cheeks…
After receiving the 100 yuan, her eyes reddened as she said, "I never knew earning money was so hard... If I had known this would happen, I shouldn't have drunk that Coke yesterday, it cost 10 yuan!" The soft sunset shone through the gaps between the towering buildings, shimmering on her fair face with a faint glow. The sweat on her hair glistened like stars. For years, I've always felt that she was most beautiful at that moment! "Come on, I'll treat you to McDonald's! Haha, I earned this myself!" she said, head held high like a proud rooster, pulling me aggressively into the store. "This is the most delicious meal I've ever had!" When we came out of McDonald's, it was already a bit chilly. Gu Xuan hunched her shoulders and tilted her head as she said to me. I smiled silently and said, "This meal cost enough for my living expenses for a week..." "Huh?! How is that possible!" she exclaimed, her eyes wide. "Well, I work part-time and earn 400 yuan a month. I spend 300 on food, and the remaining 100 is for spending money or saving for emergencies..." "Your family doesn't give you money?" she asked, as if she had heard the most unbelievable thing. The word "family" seemed so distant to me, and I suddenly felt the autumn night was very cold. I looked down at my shadow under the streetlights, and after a long time, I said stiffly, "I don't want to ask my family for money." Perhaps my words caused her to misunderstand, and this misunderstanding led to an even bigger misunderstanding between us. (Part 3) One evening not long after the National Day holiday, I was eating alone in the cafeteria when I saw Gu Xuan again. She walked past me with her plate, suddenly noticed me, and excitedly sat down opposite me. She frowned, tilted her head, and looked me up and down, saying, "Can I sit here?" I was suddenly amused by her seriousness, so I said with a straight face, "Excuse me, this seat is already taken." "Oh, really? Is she a beautiful woman? Your girlfriend?" she smiled, showing her white teeth and squinting her eyes. I was speechless for a moment, then ignored her and buried my head in my food. "How boring! Humph!" She poked her chopsticks forcefully at the rice, as if that bowl of rice were me sitting across from her. "Oops! I accidentally took too much, I can't eat it all..." She picked up a large lion's head meatball from her plate and gently placed it in my bowl, saying with a displeased expression. "..." I looked up at her plate and realized she had only taken one lion's head meatball. "Gu Xuan, actually I'm full..." I wanted to put the meatball back in her bowl, but as soon as I picked up my chopsticks, I heard her say urgently, "Don't put it in my bowl! Look at the mess in your bowl, I'm disgusted! Hehe..." Indeed, my bowl of rice was covered with a lot of vegetable soup, making it look disgusting. "Eat up! There's also this, I can't eat this much either, I haven't even used my chopsticks, you don't have to be disgusted with me..." she said, piling twice-cooked pork and shredded potatoes onto my plate. At that moment, something seemed to gently pluck a chord in my heart. Was that something called kinship? Or perhaps maternal love? How many years had it been since my mother had served me food? I dared not think further, lest tears well up uncontrollably. So I lowered my head and frantically stuffed food into my mouth. After what seemed like an eternity, I sensed something was amiss. Looking up, I saw Gu Xuan across from me, her eyes red. My mouth bulging with food, I sobbed, "What's wrong?" She suddenly chuckled, then pouted, looking distressed, and said, "Judging from the way you eat, it looks like you haven't eaten for months. You…, are you often hungry?" "No," I managed to swallow, taking a sip of the free soup, and said, "How could I be hungry? It's just that I rarely eat this well…" "Then eat more, I'm full," she said, placing the barely touched food from her plate onto my plate. Looking back now, I'm quite puzzled by my behavior then. For various reasons, I'm a withdrawn person with a strong sense of pride. Gu Xuan's seemingly altruistic behavior would easily have offended me—my personality dictates that even begging should be done with dignity. But at the time, I felt no resistance; instead, a warm feeling welled up inside me. After that day, I often ran into Gu Xuan in the cafeteria, and almost every time she would "take too much" food, putting the extra in my bowl… I'm not stupid. Although my emotional intelligence has always been low, I could still sense the good intentions behind her unintentional gestures. Many times I considered whether to refuse this "care" or "altruism," but whenever I made up my mind, I couldn't resist this warmth deep down. During winter break, neither Gu Xuan nor I could get train tickets, so we had to take a bus home. The journey of over 800 kilometers took nearly 10 hours. After lunch, the warm sunlight outside the bus window made her sleepy, and she soon closed her eyes and fell asleep. I tilted my head to gaze at her as she slept, sunlight dancing on her cheeks, the sparse downy hairs on her earlobes shimmering softly. The car suddenly jolted, and she murmured softly, abruptly resting her head on my shoulder. I tensed, unsure what to do, stiffening my body and leaning rigidly against the seat back, afraid to wake her. The car was quiet, save for the soft hum of the engine and the whirring of the air conditioner. I could hear her short, delicate breaths, smell her faint, alluring fragrance, and almost feel the warmth emanating from her face. And so, in that cold winter, a flutter of emotion took root and sprouted in my heart… What, then, is love? If I had said it ten years ago, that winter, love was like the winter sun, gentle as Gu Xuan's slender fingers, warm as the food Gu Xuan picked up, kind as Gu Xuan's slightly upturned lips, beautiful as Gu Xuan's cheeks bathed in sunlight... Yes, that winter, on the way home, I fell deeply in love with the short-haired girl leaning on my shoulder. Unfortunately, I was too introverted and too insecure at the time, and I didn't even dare to look her in the eye, let alone say to her, "I love you! Be my girlfriend!" Love is like flowing water. Although I tried my best to hold it in my hands, it uncontrollably flowed through the gaps between my fingers, leaving only a wet mark on my palms, stained with tears... (IV) Spring in this city is very short, so short that it's too short to appreciate. When the cherry blossoms bloom and then quickly wither, spring is already over. In the second semester of my freshman year, I found two tutoring jobs, two hours each on Saturday mornings and afternoons, earning 160 yuan a day. Because I'd been wanting to buy a computer, I kept handing out flyers on Sundays, earning 260 yuan a week. I thought I could save enough for the computer by the end of the semester. I wasn't interested in my major, so my grades weren't good; I was in the lower middle of my class in the final exams last semester. I also didn't like joining clubs. After attending a few club recruitment events, I decided they were useless, just a way for a couple of upperclassmen to get prestige. Unlike me, Gu Xuan loved participating in various activities. What surprised me even more was that she was a member of the college's women's basketball team, and they had even made it to the school's top eight last semester. And I, as her friend, knew absolutely nothing about it. Until one evening in the second semester of my freshman year, I went for a run on the track. Afterwards, I passed by the basketball court and noticed a girl's back that looked a lot like Gu Xuan. As I got closer, it was indeed her. She was shooting hoops by herself and invited me to play with her. Actually, I'm terrible at basketball; I only played for a short time during PE class throughout high school. She suggested we play one-on-one. I thought, "What's a big guy like me afraid of one-on-one?" So I happily nodded. But she beat me horribly, utterly humiliatingly. In the end, I had to resort to all sorts of tugging, dragging, and even finally grabbing her as she walked past me... We were both dressed lightly, in short sleeves, and sweating. I just held her like that, the basketball slipping from her hands and falling to the ground, rolling away with a thud. Her waist was slender, supple, and soft; a few of my fingers seemed to uncontrollably press on her lower abdomen a few times. "You…" she gasped, scolding me in my arms. The streetlights beside the court were dim, but I could still see a blush rising on the back of her neck. "You cheated, that's a foul!" she said, twisting her body slightly, trying to break free from my embrace. I thought she was angry, so I awkwardly released her. She ran off to retrieve the ball, head down, while I looked down at my hands, seemingly unable to believe I had just hugged her so closely. "Let's go," she called from afar. I followed her sheepishly, my pert little buttocks swaying with her every step, encased in jeans. Before I knew it, I was shamelessly hard. Afraid of being discovered, I shoved my hands into my shorts pockets, trying to spread the front open with my palms. "Hurry up! I'm not angry! Silly..." she suddenly stopped, turned around, and chuckled. "Will you still play ball with me?" "No!" "No way, I finally found a practice partner!" "..." I rolled my eyes and said, "You should find a girl. I'm afraid I won't be able to resist hugging you again!"
"Hmph! You did that on purpose!" she pouted. Her coquettishness was irresistible, so every few nights she'd call me to practice with her, and I'd often take advantage of the situation. Things sometimes take an unexpected turn. That night, in the middle of a game, a sudden downpour caused chaos on the playground and basketball court. We ran to the eaves of the spectator stand, looking at each other's soaked faces, and burst into laughter. I fared a little better, but her t-shirt clung tightly to her body, outlining her beautiful figure. I realized I'd been neglecting her body for so long. The neckline of her off-white t-shirt was loose, falling somewhat disheveled over her chest, and through the rain-soaked, discolored fabric, I could clearly see her pale yellow bra. Her breasts weren't large, but a shallow cleavage was still visible. "Don't look!" she pouted, clutching her chest. I quickly looked away, awkwardly leaning against the wall, watching the rain cascading from the eaves, remaining silent. The rain continued, flashes of lightning occasionally streaking across the night sky, followed by long, deafening claps of thunder from afar. Gu Xuan also leaned against the wall, hugging her shoulders and shivering. "Are you cold?" "Yeah, a little." "Then..." I realized I was almost powerless to help; my t-shirt was already soaked through, and another silence fell. "Wait here, I'll go back and get an umbrella." "No!" she stubbornly refused, her shivering appearance endearing. "Hug me..." she whispered. "..." I opened my mouth, but before I could form my words, she gently moved closer to my shoulder. My hands hung awkwardly at my sides, and she nuzzled her head against my shoulder, the raindrops on her hair sending a chill through me. "I'm cold..." she mumbled, her head buried in her hands. I stiffly pulled her into my arms, feeling her body tense, as if she were shivering from the cold. "Are you feeling better?" "Mmm, much better, it's so warm..." The rain was still falling, the raindrops splashing on the concrete. I realized that Gu Xuan and I weren't alone; there were several couples on the viewing platform huddled together for warmth. I smiled silently, feeling that happiness had come so quickly, so suddenly, that it felt unreal. Only by holding her tightly could I feel real, feel her presence. "You're squeezing me too hard..." Gu Xuan said, wincing in pain. "I was afraid you'd disappear the next moment!" I said, gently rubbing my chin against the top of her head. "Hehe, how could that be! Your arms are so warm, I like it..." she chuckled, her warm breath seeping through the damp fabric and onto my chest. "I like it too..." "What do you like?" "I like holding you like this..." "Anything else?" "Nothing else." I said with a silly smile. "Hmph, blockhead!" Gu Xuan said angrily. I don't know how long we hugged, but the rain finally stopped. I pulled her hand and ran, the wind and raindrops hitting our faces, which hurt a little. Downstairs, she looked up at me and said, "I'm going up. Don't you have anything to say to me?"
I thought hard for a moment and said, "Go back and take a hot shower, don't catch a cold, and cover yourself well with a blanket tonight..." "Okay, I know." She seemed to be waiting for me to say something, but I kept urging her to leave. She finally turned around, stopped at the dormitory door, and turned to me and said, "You blockhead, I hate you!"
(V) One day before the May Day holiday in 2006, Gu Xuan said while eating, "Big blockhead, let's go out and play during the May Day holiday!" I asked while biting into a chicken leg, "Where to play?" "I don't know, that's your business!" she giggled. "I don't know either. Why don't you suggest somewhere?" I said helplessly. Partly, I genuinely didn't know where to go, and partly, I was worried about the cost. I was planning to buy a computer sometime, but a trip like this would probably cost over a thousand yuan. "Let me think... how about Suzhou? It's close. I've always wanted to see a water town, ride a small boat..." Her dreamy look made my heart ache. Much later, I realized how foolish and naive I had been, or as Gu Xuan would say, a blockhead. I always thought Gu Xuan and I were a couple; otherwise, how could she have allowed me to hold her? And as her boyfriend, I had never given her even a small gift. She so desperately wanted to go to Suzhou to fulfill her dream of falling asleep by the fishing lights and the sound of oars—how could I not grant her that wish?
On May Day, I took the high-speed train to Suzhou, then transferred to another train to Tongli. For dinner, I ate some pig's trotters and drank some beer. Not being a big drinker, I was quite tipsy and walked with Gu Xuan back to the guesthouse. We got caught in the rain again halfway there. It wasn't heavy though; the rain in Tongli was like silken threads, pattering softly in the air. By the time we got to the guesthouse, our clothes were soaked. Gu Xuan took a change of clothes into the bathroom, and soon the sound of running water filled the air. My eyes were on the TV, but my mind was elsewhere until I heard soft footsteps, which brought me back to reality. "Why don't you take a shower? It's warm!" Gu Xuan said, drying her hair. After showering, we sat on the bed watching TV, but I was on one side of the bed, and she was on the other, as if an invisible line separated us. "I'm sleepy," she yawned, covering her mouth with her hand. "Okay, then you should sleep." I don't know how much time had passed, but I was still sitting on the bed watching the silent TV when Gu Xuan turned her face, pouting, and said, "Wooden head..." Her voice was lazy and alluring, seemingly possessing a magical power that kept drawing my gaze to her face peeking out from under the covers. "Hug me..." The blankets were warm, but I felt a little cold. Gu Xuan shivered involuntarily as she moved closer to me. We were both dressed, but it seemed she wasn't wearing a bra; her soft breasts were piled against my arm. "Hold me tight..." she said, turning me to lie face to face, then wrapping herself around me like an octopus. Soft and warm as jade—that's the feeling my hands were getting right now. Gu Xuan's breasts changed shape in my palm, neither too big nor too small, just the right size for my hand. Her nipples were tiny, the smallest I'd ever seen. How tiny? I couldn't find a reference point, but they were probably somewhere between the size of a soybean and a mung bean. She buried her face in my neck, letting out barely audible moans. My already erect penis was pressed against her thigh, involuntarily rubbing and throbbing back and forth. "Ugh!" she whispered. "Hmm?" "Hard..." she murmured, nuzzling my neck again. "It likes you!" I thrust harder, and she gasped, tilting her flushed face up to whisper in my ear, "It's so hot." I don't know where I got the courage, but I grabbed her small hand and placed it on my hard penis. Her hand was cool, and when it touched my penis, it felt like it was coated with a thin layer of peppermint oil—cool and refreshing, like an electric shock. My penis swelled and hardened even more. "No!" she cried out, struggling, but I held her hand firmly against my penis, preventing her from moving an inch. After a long while, she quieted down, then her small hand, warmed by the penis, moved slightly. She let out a long sigh and chuckled, "It's moving..." "Want to see it?" "No!" she said, but her small hand gripped the penis even tighter, which felt incredibly pleasurable. "Kiss me..." she brought her lips close to my face. I clumsily opened my mouth and touched her lips. Her lips were warm, soft and smooth like glutinous rice. "This is my first kiss..." After a long while, our lips finally parted, and she gasped. "It's my first kiss too," I said, and kissed her lips again, licking her teeth and sucking on her tender tongue. "Wooden head, big wooden head..." she pushed my face away desperately, "I can't breathe, you dead wooden head, you haven't even said you like me yet..." Her right hand had somehow left the penis, stroking her white, smooth chest, and she said breathlessly. "Of course I like you, don't you know?" I asked, puzzled. "You're such a blockhead! Humph, I'm ignoring you!" she said angrily, turning away. "…………" I didn't know what the problem was; she seemed a bit unreasonable. But the physical pleasure and mental ecstasy were irresistible. I could only hug her from behind and whisper in her ear, "I like you, don't be angry!" She didn't speak, but twisted her body, trying to break free from my embrace. Her buttocks accidentally bumped against my penis, seemingly by chance, into her buttocks cleft. Her struggles only made me hold her tighter. With pressure comes resistance, but in the end, I don't know when, I stripped her naked, letting me kiss and caress her. Just as I was about to enter her body, I suddenly stopped. I was terrified, terrified that everything beautiful between us would be gone, terrified that I couldn't protect her, terrified that I wasn't capable of taking care of her. Back then, I was a poor loser, haha, a poor loser who often needed her help out. "What's wrong?" she asked, opening her eyes and panting. "Nothing..." I got off her and lay down on the bed. "What's wrong?" she asked again. "I can't do this!" I mumbled, pulling the blanket over my head. "I don't blame you!" she said, burrowing under the covers and pressing her face against my chest. "I'm not good enough for you..." I don't know what I was thinking, but those words just slipped out. ...I felt a dampness on my chest, and when I lifted the blanket, I found Gu Xuan's face covered in tears. "What's wrong?" Her silent sobbing was the only response. "What happened?" "Waaah, you're such a jerk!" she finally cried out, "You're not good enough for me? How come you're not good enough for me? If you think you're not good enough for me, then what are you doing with me now?" "..." I opened my mouth, but didn't know what to say. "Ha..." she laughed bitterly, crying, "I really like you, and I was going to give myself to you, but you just made me feel so cheap. Do I have to beg you to be satisfied?!"... What should have been a romantic and passionate night ended in this unpleasant way. I got dressed and curled up on the recliner, unable to sleep all night, occasionally hearing Gu Xuan's soft sobs from the bed... The next day, we went back to school and didn't see each other again until after the exams in June. The day after the exams, we immediately started military training. (VI) One night during military training, I lay exhausted in bed reading a novel. When the eldest in the dormitory came back, he came to my bedside and asked me mysteriously, "Guess who I just saw?" I was stunned. "Who did you see?" "Your girlfriend, with a guy, they looked very intimate..." He patted my shoulder, looked at me with pity, and said, "Didn't you say you two just had some minor arguments? How come you got poached?"
"..." I was stunned. I couldn't believe it was true. It wasn't until my older brother said, somewhat embarrassed, "I saw them holding hands as they came out of the training area..." I didn't know how I got out of the dorm, or how I got to Gu Xuan's building. Only then did I realize I couldn't find her without my phone. Finally, I returned to the dorm, completely disoriented. I don't know how I got through the military training. I was in a daze, and got a lot of criticism from the instructors. The day after training ended, I saw Gu Xuan in her camouflage uniform on the playground. The summer sun had tanned her skin a little, but it made her look even more energetic and spirited. The hand that had been holding mine not long ago was now in another man's hand. I walked towards her involuntarily. Only when I stood in front of her did she recognize me—I was also tanned. Gu Xuan later told me that I looked like an African monkey back then, and she couldn't recognize me at all. Meeting under these circumstances, Gu Xuan was clearly unprepared. She hurriedly pulled her hand away from the boy's and awkwardly said to me, "Long time no see..." "..." I just kept staring at her. "Xuanxuan, who's this?" the boy next to me asked in a sickeningly sweet tone. "Ah! My fellow townsman, from the same high school..." Gu Xuan replied helplessly, her eyes pleading as she looked at me, as if telling me not to mess around. "Really? Hello, what's your name?" the boy said, extending his hand in a friendly greeting. I ignored his outstretched hand, glanced at Gu Xuan, and turned to leave. I vaguely heard the boy behind me say, "Xuanxuan, is your fellow townsman crazy? How can he be so rude..." Haha, Xuanxuan... my heart felt like it had been stabbed, it hurt so much. The holidays started, and the campus quickly became empty, almost deserted even in broad daylight. I didn't want to go back to that home that made me feel cold and disgusted. I was the only one left in the dormitory. The pain of heartbreak kept me cooped up in the dormitory for three days, barely eating anything. It was then that I learned to smoke. I didn't have much money, so I could only afford five-yuan packs. Perhaps my past experiences allowed me to quickly recover from the pain of heartbreak, because I realized after finishing my college entrance exams last year that one should look forward, not dwell on the past. I remembered I'd always wanted to buy a computer, and now that I had saved up over 3000 yuan, I went to the computer mall. Back in 2006, the PC assembly market was booming, and the mall was packed with people. I walked around and found almost every store was overflowing with customers, with long queues and salespeople constantly busy. I suddenly wondered if I could work there during the summer vacation. I could earn money and learn a skill at the same time, so I found a shop owned by a kind-looking middle-aged man, around forty years old, and nervously explained my purpose. He asked if I knew anything about hardware. I shook my head and said, "I often read computer magazines in the library..." "Then tell me about the main CPU, hard drive, and memory brands..." I racked my brains, managing to guess a few correctly. "You're a student, right? Why are you thinking of working here?" The uncle was very kind and patient. "I want to earn money to buy a computer," I said, somewhat embarrassed. "Interesting. Do you know how to assemble a computer?" "No, but I can learn..." The uncle thought for a moment and then said, "Okay, you can learn here first. But let's make it clear beforehand, you'll be helping out first, 50 yuan a day. After a while, if you can generate your own business, I'll give you 3% commission for each machine you sell. How about that?" In 2006, a computer generally cost 4,000-5,000 yuan, and each machine cost at least 120 yuan, so I quickly nodded in agreement. "When can you come?" "Right now!" And so, my working life in the computer mall began. For the first few days, I assisted the computer installers while learning, constantly fetching goods with delivery slips, and even buying lunch for everyone… After half a month, one of the salesmen went to the restroom during an installation, and the boss, seeing me idle, said, “Xiao Zhang, you give it a try, I’ll watch.” Thankfully, the two weeks of hard work paid off. Although I needed the boss’s guidance in many areas, I completed the task relatively smoothly, though the wiring inside the computer case was still a bit messy. “Hmm, not bad, you try it tomorrow…” The boss clearly didn’t want me, a laborer, to be idle during my first summer break. In less than forty days, I independently completed over 90 orders, earning a total of over 14,000 yuan. Receiving a heavy stack of RMB from the boss at the end almost made me cry. The boss was a kind person; I was initially worried he would stand me up, but in the end, he not only paid me my full salary but also let me buy a computer from his shop at cost price. Before leaving, the boss called me back, asking if I could come back to work on weekends after school started. It turns out that the summer vacation and the end of the National Day holiday are the busiest periods for computer assembly every year, and they definitely wouldn't have enough manpower then. The boss also said that he would give me an extra percentage on my commission from now on. Of course, I nodded and agreed. In short, I earned a little over 20,000 yuan working in the computer mall in 2006, which was more than my tuition for four years of undergraduate studies... If I had known this, I really wouldn't have needed to apply for student loans. From the beginning of my freshman year, I discovered that making money is actually quite easy, as long as you are willing to work hard. And my experience working during the summer vacation of my freshman year made me realize that making a lot of money is also relatively easy, as long as you are willing to work hard, willing to learn, and willing to be shameless. I have a characteristic, or rather a flaw, that is, whenever I have money, I don't work as hard to make money until the money is almost gone, and then I start thinking of ways to make money. So after the National Day holiday, I started to stay at school obediently, attending classes, doing part-time work, going to the library, and playing basketball, which became my whole life
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