11 Dangerous sexual desire and comfort

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Dangerous sexual hunger and comfort

During my summer vacation after graduating from high school, I peacefully returned to my mountain village home to await my university acceptance letter. She had also finished her college entrance exams and returned to her village home. We hadn't been in contact for almost a year.
So much has happened to me in the past year or so, but I've rarely thought about her. It seems I've truly forgotten her, and forgotten her without a trace of regret, without the initial pain and resentment.
In the desolate mountain village, with nowhere else to go, I habitually went to her house. I realized I had never told her about my past feelings for her, and she had never asked me, nor shared her thoughts. We met again, exchanging the same simple greetings as before, and just like two years ago, we could sit and talk awkwardly, or simply while away half a day in silence, as if our relationship had always been this calm, familiar, and intimate. The most frequent topic of conversation was, naturally, the college entrance exam, but it was difficult to discuss. I confidently told her I had applied to a certain university, and she congratulated me, but then mentioned she lacked confidence in her own chances of getting in. I tried to comfort her, but eventually ran out of things to say and remained silent.
When our conversation took a wrong turn, I couldn't help but have other thoughts.
When I'm home alone, I'm still incredibly restless. I haven't been able to completely stop peeping at my female neighbor while she's showering. On one sleepless night, I even had the thought of seducing her daughter—a thought that horrified me! My mind raced, and I imagined how I would lure the girl to my house, and then…
I know that my desire for the opposite sex and sex is getting a little out of control.
Perhaps I could ask her for help? After all, we've been together before... and we still are. She's always smiling and warm towards me. Compared to the neighbor's daughter, she's an adult, so maybe it's easier for her to communicate about feelings and sex.
But I didn't know how to bring it up, how to express it. If our relationship had continued to develop well over the past three years, perhaps I wouldn't have had so many restless desires and so many risky behaviors. Unfortunately, two years later, my feelings about her have changed drastically compared to when we used to talk together. Several times, I even went to her house specifically because I was feeling uneasy and aroused at home alone.
I don't know if she noticed anything unusual about me, or if she sensed that beneath my calm exterior lay a restless and lustful heart. As usual, when she saw me enter the room, she greeted me with a "You're here," then chatted with me casually, and saw me to the door when I left.
One night, we chatted until late. As usual, she walked me to the door, and I suddenly hugged her and kissed her without a word. She probably didn't react in time and was caught off guard by my kiss. When she came to her senses, she tried to struggle, but I held her tightly, and my lips were pressed firmly against hers. She eventually seemed to give up resisting, letting me kiss her, her tongue even seeming to respond to mine. This was the first time in my life I had ever kissed a woman. My mind was incredibly heated; it was as if I had no instruction, and I held her and kissed her passionately in the darkness of the front door.
After we'd kissed enough, I let go of her and stared at her foolishly. I couldn't see her face clearly in the darkness, but she didn't seem annoyed or anything. She said, "Go back now," and turned to walk away. I chuckled as I watched her go back inside, then happily went home, savoring the moment.
The next evening I went to her house again. She didn't seem to be acting strangely. Sometimes I would steal glances at her, but my mind was filled with thoughts of kissing her. After I stared at her for a while, she seemed flustered. Once her family had gone upstairs to sleep, it was just the two of us downstairs. I lingered close to her and tried to hug her. She struggled, and seemed to struggle quite fiercely, preventing me from kissing her smoothly. Neither of us dared to make a loud sound, just silently invading and resisting. Of course, in the end, she couldn't overcome me, and we continued kissing.
I really wanted to feel her body, but she resisted even more strongly, even making noises that frightened us both so much that we dared not move. Her parents started calling her from upstairs, telling her to go to bed early. I dared not bother her any longer, so I gave up, sat for a while longer, and then said goodbye and went home.
I started trying to persuade her to come to my house, finding some excuse like lending her a book so she could come and find it herself. Perhaps realizing the potential risks of coming to my house, she always made excuses. But one time she finally agreed to come the next morning to borrow a book.
The next morning, I waited anxiously at home for her arrival. Even the night before, I'd been thinking about how her arrival would finally fulfill my long-held desire to be close to a woman, a desire I'd held for days, even years. An indescribable excitement permeated my entire being. My penis was incredibly erect, refusing to lie flat no matter what I did. This was probably her first time at my house, though I'd been to hers countless times.
How should I greet her? Maybe I should just get straight to the point, strip naked, hide behind the door, and as soon as she walks in, close the door, hug her, and no matter how much she struggles, carry her upstairs to the bed… I stripped naked and paced back and forth in the room, my penis remaining hard and erect, no matter how I pressed it, it wouldn't quiet down. I decided to take a cold shower, but before I was even completely dry, I heard her calling and knocking at the door. In that instant, I panicked, hastily putting on shorts and a T-shirt, and awkwardly opened the door to let her in. In that moment of panic, my penis automatically softened, though it wasn't very noticeable.
I took her upstairs to my room, but I didn't know what to say or do. So I just let her look through the books on my shelf, letting her choose whatever she liked. She stood in front of my shelf and started picking out books seriously. I stood to the side, feeling awkward and restless, constantly thinking about how to start my plan to get closer. My penis was incredibly erect again, so hard that it made a bulge in the middle of my shorts, which I couldn't cover with my clothes.
Unable to resist any longer, I resolutely and slowly walked behind her, wrapped my arms around her waist, and pulled her into my arms. She struggled as always. I ignored her, carried her to the bed, and let her sit on my lap. I turned her head and kissed her. She accepted my kiss; after all, we'd kissed so many times already, there was no point in her desperately refusing, and besides, she couldn't resist me.
I don't know if she, sitting on my lap, felt my erect penis between her thighs. Having gone to such lengths to lure her to my house, I certainly wasn't satisfied with just kissing. After a while, her body was no longer as stiff as before, and her arms wrapped around me. One of my hands, which was around her waist, slipped inside her T-shirt and caressed her waist. After a while, I subtly tried to move towards her abdomen and even higher. But she sensed my inappropriate touch, quickly grabbing my hands and breaking free from my embrace. She stood up, leaving me alone on the bed.
I felt incredibly awkward, my face flushed as I looked at her; my eyes must have been red too. She seemed a little angry. We both fell silent. Finally, I blurted out, "You know I've liked you for a long time."
"But, it's impossible for us to be together in the future, isn't it...?"
"From now on, I will always love you..."
I recall there must have been such an exchange.
I finally pulled her into my arms, and I kissed her again. She responded to my kisses, but her hands remained wary of mine, preventing them from touching her body. I kissed her more intently and deeply, laying her flat on the bed, and continued kissing her while pressing down on her. Slowly, I pulled her hands away, lifted her T-shirt all the way up to her chest, revealing her breasts covered by her bra. Her hands tried to resist, but I pushed them away and pushed her bra up as well, finally letting her breasts pop out.
At eighteen or nineteen, her development was complete; her breasts were perfectly full, one in each hand, enough to cover them completely. I continued kissing her, my hands carefully feeling the soft warmth of her breasts. She had given up resisting, letting me kiss and caress her. My heart was filled with immense emotion; for the first time, I truly felt the softness of breasts, and I couldn't help but naturally kiss them. One breast I kissed, the other I caressed, taking turns releasing my desire.
Under my double assault of kisses and caresses, she completely gave up resisting, collapsing softly onto the bed, letting me press down on her body and freely feel the warmth and softness of her body.
I don't know how much time passed, but I stopped on my own. I put her bra back on, straightened her clothes, and pulled her into my arms again, gently kissing her face, her lips, her neck, and her hair. She held me tightly too. After a while, she got up and stood up, tidying her clothes and messy hair herself.
We sat and chatted for a while longer, and before we knew it, it was noon. She picked out two books, and I took her home.
I still don't understand why I didn't seize that opportunity that day to press my advantage and penetrate her most intimate area, so that I've never experienced the warmth of her private parts since. That day, she must have completely given up resisting, letting me do whatever I wanted with her. I practically stripped off her top, leaving her half-naked beneath me. With my kisses and caresses, she lay on the bed, panting, her face flushed. I pressed tightly against her, my lower body pressed firmly against hers; she could clearly feel my erect penis. But even at the very end, I didn't remove her lower garments, and my own clothes remained on, though my erection was quite obvious. Before she arrived, I had been thinking of greeting her naked; why didn't I think of releasing my penis? Why didn't I think of letting my penis, which had been pent up for twenty years, truly experience the pleasure of a woman? Why didn't I take the opportunity to strip her naked and properly appreciate the beauty of her womanly body? Actually, I could have easily taken off all her clothes while she was limp on the bed.
After that, she refused to come to my house again. At her house at night, when I tried to penetrate her breasts, she would always resist fiercely, making the chair or stool beneath her creak. Her family would hear this and tell her to go upstairs to sleep. So I didn't dare force her anymore. Near the end of summer vacation, she came to my house again, but I didn't succeed as easily as before. I even untied her skirt and pulled it up to her waist, but she stubbornly put it back on. Seeing her resolute expression, I didn't try to force her any further.
The university acceptance letter arrived, and summer vacation flew by. Although I had broken through the illusion of love and experienced a woman's kiss, a woman's body, and a woman's breasts—and these things were indeed very captivating—she remained steadfast, and I, strangely, maintained restraint in the face of her insistence. In the end, I still didn't fully experience a woman's love. Looking back now, it's still a great regret. If I had broken through to her entire body during that intimate moment, it would have been very smooth, and it would have been a beautiful experience. I probably wouldn't have forced myself on her, but at least I could have admired her young and beautiful body with my eyes.
In any case, I am very grateful to her. If it weren't for her comforting my desires that summer, I might have done even more absurd and terrible things.
Shortly after I started university, she went to another school to retake the college entrance exam. During my freshman year and holidays, I visited her and corresponded with her, encouraging her to study hard and try again. When we met, and even before, I inevitably had many sexual thoughts, but she always controlled me, limiting it to kissing. I didn't want to force it, so our intimacy was always brief and superficial. It seems that during our last meeting, I suddenly realized she was just an ordinary woman, not as innocent and lovely as I had imagined. At that moment, I slowly lost the passion to continue our relationship.
We never discussed our relationships with each other or with other people, and I don't know if my restraint towards her back then was meaningful. Maybe I wasn't the first man she had physical intimacy with; maybe she was already having a deeper relationship with her high school boyfriend (?).
She didn't do well on her college entrance exams, perhaps due to other relationship problems interfering with her studies. She later pursued self-study and went abroad to study. Because of the setbacks in her studies, her marriage was delayed. I heard from the younger men in the village that she had several other boyfriends afterward, but she didn't return home until she was over 30, having completed her studies, only to marry someone from another place. We haven't seen each other for the past five or six years. It seems like last year, I only bumped into her by chance on the bus back home for the Spring Festival. Although I showed surprise and joy, it was just a perfunctory greeting. I didn't know whether to be warm or cold towards her, so I naturally avoided her.

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11 Dangerous sexual desire and comfort

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