Why am I always the one initiating things in our sex life?

page views:1 Publication date:2020-07-22

We'll be married for seven years in a few months, and I'm always the one initiating our sex life. Perhaps it's just habitual, but with time, the passion between us has dwindled. This is probably what they call the seven-year itch.
We live in different districts, only about 20 kilometers apart. I come back to stay for a few days every other day, and we have sex whenever we're together, but sometimes I get tired of it. But if we're together and don't have sex, I toss and turn, unable to fall asleep.
Today was like that. After showering and putting the kids to sleep, she looked at her phone, and I looked at mine. Neither of us felt any primal urge towards the naked woman beside us; it was just a routine. She waited for me to make the first move, and I waited for her to make the first move. Today, for some reason, I didn't want to initiate, so I pretended to fall asleep first. Before going to sleep, I said, "Wake me up if you want to." While she was looking at her phone, she played with my penis, stopping when it got hard, doing this once or twice. During this time, I also pretended to moan a few times. She was probably numb; she moved a few times, got tired, and fell asleep. At that moment, I had desire, but looking at her naked body, I felt no urge. Perhaps she played with this penis that had been with her countless times, but it had also lost its appeal.
But tragically, it felt like there was a half-extinguished ember of a raging fire inside me, the lingering warmth making it hard to fall asleep. I could have a great time with her, then sneak off to sleep in the few seconds of exhaustion after ejaculation, but I didn't. Because at that moment, I was disgusted with the initiative I'd taken over for the past seven years. I didn't want to always be the one initiating; I wanted to be reserved. Reserved towards a wife I'd slept with over a thousand times. I don't know if this was a humble resistance to the routine of our married life, or a resistance to the monotony of sex after countless trials.

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Why am I always the one initiating things in our sex life?

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