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A Record of Urban Romance: Feelings and Sentiments Amidst the Moonlight 

    page views:1  Publication date:2023-04-13 08:16:35  
Born into hardship, weathered many storms, what is the true meaning of human relationships? What is a mother? What is a grandmother? What are aunts and uncles? Perhaps, they are all just women.
You gave us the necessities of life, but you didn't give us the warmth of a family. Logically, we should be grateful to you, but emotionally, we often make mistakes.
Chapter 001: I Like Mature Women
I have a strange hobby; I really like older women, especially those over 50.
Oh, I forgot to tell you, my name is Ace, haha! Have you heard of me? Okay, contact me sometime! Cellphone 1>4567(9(7.
I grew up in a large welfare home, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. After all, God gave me this background, so there's nothing good or bad about it. It's just that I've never experienced any family affection. The aunties or other people in the welfare home treated us children who needed help with a very professional attitude. So I don't know how I should understand human kindness in this life. (In fact, they gave us the necessities of life, but they didn't give us the warmth of a family. So rationally, we should...) I am grateful to them, but emotions can often be misplaced.
Let me tell you about myself. When I turned 17, I successfully entered university—a prestigious institution both domestically and internationally. This brought a good reputation to the orphanage, and our orphanage received more social donations. Then, our director—a rather beautiful old woman who had never smiled before—finally smiled again in front of us. To be honest, this smile was truly hard-won, because in my memory, I think I had only seen her smile at me once before, about ten years ago, and that smile completely captivated me.
…Over the past ten years, that smile has been repeatedly reinforced in my mind, becoming deeply ingrained in my blood. Many years later, I realized that I was also willing to interact with people. I wasn't born introverted; it's just that I had too many desires, and those desires were mostly nurtured in a formulaic, emotionless way, giving us children a closed-off heart! It was in such a heart that I encountered such a smile, which naturally became the sunshine in my life!
When I entered her office, I saw a face radiating contempt and disgust. "Why didn't you finish your book? You dared to hang up the phone? Are you afraid I'll stop you from coming back? I won't! I won't stop you from doing anything..." "What work! Including coming back here to continue this orphanage! But if you don't go back and finish your studies, don't expect any forgiveness from me in the future!" I had never seen her speak so quickly, and so loudly.
The director paid my tuition, so I was able to embark on my studies smoothly. Of course, before leaving, I didn't forget to do some advertising for our orphanage, making a formulaic smile for the media and saying the pre-written words, nothing new, basically just about a happy childhood, a warm home, and so on! Before leaving, I swore to the director that I would definitely rush back to help her with whatever I could during every holiday to thank her for raising me. Yes. I will do my best to make this orphanage better!
These words of loyalty I uttered certainly brought a smile to the director's face more than once! I was happy, but I didn't realize she was laughing at my naiveté; thankfully, her smile was kind.
The director's surname is Li, but I don't know her given name because no one has ever called her by it since I was old enough to understand; people have always called her Director Li. She seemed to be 52 years old when I left to go to school. According to the aunties at our orphanage, the director seemed to have never married, so she should be a spinster!
However, she didn't seem that old; sometimes, from behind, she really looked like a woman just over thirty, with a great figure, except for one… The crow's feet around her eyes betrayed her age when she smiled. Therefore, the director had always been very conscious of her image; she would never have appeared in public without makeup, as evidenced by that one time. Because of this, I genuinely believe the director has always been a very well-mannered person.
I bid farewell to the director and the many fame-seeking people who came to see me off, boarded the train north, and began my university life. I don't know why, but ever since leaving that orphanage that I felt didn't give me a happy childhood, it seems that every time I wake up from a dream, I feel like I've dreamt of the director's smile again!
Everyone, it's really difficult for me to truly speak my mind here, after all, what I did was far too outrageous. Okay, I'll continue.
But once I had a dream that made me think I really am a genius. In the dream, I saw her taking off all her clothes in front of me, one by one, and sitting across from me in a very lewd manner, spreading her legs to the limit. I saw that her genitals were so beautiful, like a blooming red rose, layer upon layer. I saw her slowly parting her two pink labia with her hands, revealing many caves like the entrances to secluded paths. She opened the largest cave...> She pushed it closer! It seemed she wanted me to see it more clearly. At that moment, I really thought I could see it; the opening was round, and there seemed to be a thin membrane-like layer of material inside!
I wanted to reach out and touch it. She didn't refuse, but it felt so far away, like my hand could never reach it! At that moment, I seemed to smell a fragrant aroma wafting from there! It was intoxicating, but slowly I felt a tightness in my chest, and then even tighter!
Suddenly, I snapped out of it, hearing my roommates chuckling. That's when I realized that those guys had somehow covered my mouth and nose with my smelly socks!
This dream further fueled my desire for her, and I truly realized that I would fulfill my promise without hesitation.
Soon, my university life began, progressed, and ended. During the winter and summer vacations of that year, I rarely went on trips or did anything else with my classmates. Of course, this was partly due to my financial situation, but the important thing was that I sincerely wanted to return to the orphanage to help the aunties there.
This action earned me many honors and benefits, including a wealthy businessman who even wanted to adopt me to continue his considerable business, but I refused. As a result, I was even more hailed by society as a model of the new era's youth, a hope of the nation. However, I never considered myself one, because I knew that what I did was not what they said, but for my own hidden purpose.
I saw Dean Li waiting for me at the door, and the Dean, who seemed different from the one I had last time, appeared full of energy. Quite a few! And her breasts seemed very full! My first impression of her was that of a mother breastfeeding her child! But I knew this was impossible! She was already 56 years old and had little chance of becoming a mother again.
This also attracted many admiring glances and invitations. However, I refused all attempts to keep her and resolutely left. Just when I had achieved success, I stepped into the gates of this orphanage again.
It was the beginning of my second year of university (when the workload was relatively light). At that time, I discovered that every time I had a nocturnal emission, the image of the director would appear in my mind. This shocked me greatly because although I had dreamed of her before, and had even clearly dreamed of her vagina, this was the first time that it had combined with my nocturnal emission like this. This made my thoughts about women even more entangled and complicated around her—that not-so-young but very beautiful woman! She was incomparable! At least in my heart.
This was the first time I felt my sexual orientation was somewhat unusual. At first, it seemed strange, but I didn't pay much attention because in my childhood, I hadn't been exposed to many other women. The caregivers were mostly rural women from the countryside, and from an aesthetic point of view, they couldn't possibly arouse my interest. But our director, Auntie, was like a white lotus flower, always captivating our eyes with her layered allure. Many of my friends at the orphanage were fond of her.
Although I was deeply shaken when I had a clear idea of what was going on, and for a long time I cursed myself as a beast, I couldn't control my desire for her body. This finally made me realize that I had fallen in love with my director, all because of that cruel smile she gave me when I left for university!
"Yes, I'm back!"
I was about to graduate. I knew the director loved promising students, so I studied hard at university, thinking how much she would love me if I succeeded! I also imagined that I could gradually untie that seemingly dead knot through my own future!
Finally, when I graduated, I was able to complete my postgraduate courses simultaneously. My advisor said that if I was willing to stay at the university for another six months to finish my thesis, I could get a master's degree. It sounded very tempting, but I refused.
I couldn't find a job, and I had no home to go back to. I even rejected what others saw as a windfall—a high-paying offer from a multinational company. I hurriedly returned to this small town in Jiangnan with my undergraduate diploma, back to the orphanage. There were already many new children there, and they were still learning from me, the "elite" who had emerged back then. I was now the pride of this orphanage!
However, I didn't receive a real welcome from the director. Professor Wei had told her about my situation when she was about to graduate. I said I wanted to return to the orphanage to help her because I had seen her hardships. After all, she was no longer young; she was almost 56 years old this year. But she refused. I didn't listen to her. This was the first time in my life that I didn't listen to her.
"Dean Li, I really want to support you here, because no job is more enjoyable for me than being by your side! You raised me with such care and gave me the opportunity to study. Now that I've graduated from university, I have the ability to repay you, so I'm here to support you! Also, Dean Li," I said, feeling embarrassed, lowering my head, my voice barely audible, "I'm especially grateful for your generosity in forgiving the mistakes I made when I came back during the Spring Festival!" "Don't mention that again! It never happened! Of course, I also hope you can come back here to continue my business, but not now, at least not for at least six months. I don't want you to..." "For whatever reason you've neglected your studies! I've already transferred all the assets here to your name, you don't need to worry about it now." "Dean Li, you've misunderstood, I'm not doing this for the assets!" "Don't say anymore, I know what you're after, that's impossible! If you keep pressuring me, I'll leave right now, and you'll never see me again!" "No! I'll listen to you, I'll go back to school right now!" "Fine, then you go back to school right now, get that damn degree, and then come back to see me and discuss all the other issues!" Seeing Dean Li's resolute expression, I knew that she, who was usually so determined, wouldn't back down, so I just... I have to go back to school to get that damn degree! Because I've always been afraid of her, whether I'm one or twenty-one.
Chapter 002 Moving into Aunt's House
Half a year passed quickly, and I received a research grant that helped me win a Youth Design Creation Award.
And everyone has always known she's not interested in men! This time I saw her charming smile again, but unlike when I went to school, her smile seemed to contain a hint of helplessness and embarrassment!
Over the years, as I grew older and gained more knowledge, I began to reflect on my life and my emotional world. Why did I go to school? I kept asking myself this question. When we first parted, I was a completely clueless child, unaware of what I was living for. What did I truly want? But now I know, or more precisely, I know what I wanted most—I fell in love with her, this woman 35 years my senior.
I was willing to give up the opportunity to stay in the big city, to leave behind the hustle and bustle, to come to this small town!
Of course, this place holds unforgettable childhood memories, but that's not the real reason. I returned without hesitation because she is here—my beautiful goddess. Yes, goddess, that's the precise word, because she captivated my soul with her feminine charm, therefore she is a goddess!
Even though she doesn't acknowledge me, and even... Some people look down on me, but I'm already hopelessly infatuated, and I'm willing to sincerely wait for them!
Director Li gradually transferred the management of the entire welfare home and the Holly Group, which it belonged to, to my hands. When I actually started taking over the welfare home and the Holly Group, I was shocked by its assets. The Holly Group owned an entire office building and vast tracts of land in a large city not far from our town. They also had a huge golf course in the city's suburbs! It truly was a wealth empire, and the queen of this empire was Director Li.
Regarding this point, I think it's important to clarify that perhaps only I myself truly had this idea, because they were gradually eliminated in the hardships of schooling, unable to persevere. After leaving school and entering society, I remained in school. It wasn't until university that I had this sudden realization. I actually felt that the dean was even more like a woman—mature, full-bodied, and gentle!
What shocked me even more was that she had begun slowly transferring all her assets to my name. I didn't know why she had such deep feelings for me; I didn't understand why at all. I instinctively refused, but the power was in her hands. I was truly overwhelmed with gratitude. But a year ago, I had done such a thing to her, and I felt deeply remorseful!
At this moment, I finally learned that our Dean Li's name was Li Xin, a graduate of Tsinghua University, and... The year she graduated, the Cultural Revolution began, and she was labeled a rightist, seemingly because of a flawed remark in her speech.
The state-owned factory she was assigned to refused to accept her, and she was even humiliated by a leader of the rebels. Devastated, she returned alone to her hometown, a small town. Without work or family, she had to start selling cold noodles to make a living. Small business owners during the Cultural Revolution faced much bullying and contempt, but she persevered despite having no other source of income.
In the first year after the Cultural Revolution, using the small amount of capital she had accumulated over those ten years, she opened a factory producing a chemical raw material, which later became the welfare home. And all her businesses were always commercial. It was quite good, but what people back then still can't understand is why all her factories were sold to a man from another village overnight.
Those factories grew bigger and bigger under that man's management, becoming pillar industries of the local economy! Major taxpayers. Many people felt sorry for her, but she always just smiled and laughed it off. Today I finally understand: that man from another village never existed; it was all just a smokescreen. The current chairperson is still her—Li Xin. That man from another village is just a title used to refer to her.
Having said that, let's get back to the matter from a year ago. Although I've been trying to evade the issue, I can't help it; avoidance isn't a solution.
I've already done something inhumane, and there's no way to hide it now! I've always wanted to use words to confess my feelings and endless regret to the goddess in my heart, but I lacked the courage. For the past year, I've numbed my soul by studying hard, reading, and doing experiments. I know the mistake I made is unforgivable.
But she didn't seem to blame me at all, which made my heart even more uneasy! Now I'm the chairman of the Dongqing Group, and she's taken over everything from the company, but I still don't have the courage to look her in the eye. Sometimes I just glance at her back.
There are exceptions. Once, when she wasn't looking, I thought I saw a hint of affection in her eyes, but when she realized I was watching her, she immediately returned that sacred, untouchable look. At that moment, I couldn't help but cry out in my heart: God! Let God punish me! But please don't let her treat me like this again!
Actually, I've always reflected on my own inner turmoil; it's a good habit I've cultivated, which helps me understand my strengths and weaknesses.
However, I realized my inner turmoil had begun to falter relatively late. Before that, I always thought it was natural for me to fall in love with a woman, without needing societal approval. But now I know that not only society, but the person you express your love to is also part of society, and she, too, cannot accept that love!
I like mature women, older women. Of course, I like all women. Of course, good women.
In the past six months, the orphanage has undergone significant changes. The people here have begun to realize its existence, and wealthy people from the area have started donating money and goods to the orphanage to gain a good reputation and tax benefits.
What no one knows is that when one's own needs create a societal misunderstanding, society is right, and so are you! Is that so-called misunderstanding truly a misunderstanding? However, there is one thing I am certain of: when a man is truly willing to give everything for the woman he desires, it can be clearly said that their love is genuine.
Actually, I know that God won't punish me, because at this moment, He has seen my sincere feelings for her. How could God let a man who has true love be punished? He will surely help me, won't He?
A year ago, during winter break, it was my last vacation before graduation. Just as I finished my exams and was about to leave, Dean Li called me. My hand was trembling as I answered the phone, because in the past four years, she had never proactively called me once. I truly believed that she had started to care about me; she must be asking when I was returning.
When I received the call, she told me that she hadn't traveled by herself for many years and was planning to go on a trip that day, asking me to arrange my own vacation and not to go back to the orphanage.
My head spun. I didn't know what was wrong. I hadn't said anything wrong! During the summer vacation, she had shown me concern, and sometimes I could even feel a touch of womanly tenderness. But how could she have changed so much in less than five months? Women's hearts are truly unpredictable!
However, I quickly began to be grateful that I understood women well enough. I simply didn't believe she would go on a trip by herself. For many years, I had... The hurts society had inflicted on her had taught her, as Confucius said, "A righteous person does not stand under a crumbling wall." Therefore, she would absolutely not undertake a trip without thorough planning! With this in mind, I quickly packed my bags and boarded the train south.
When I stepped into her office, she didn't even look up and said, "You're back!" There was no extra emotion or surprise. It seemed she understood me very well! But her words still made me feel exceptionally good today, because every time I returned before, she would say, "You've come!" But today she actually said, "You're back!" That single word difference sounded like heavenly music to my ears!
"Wash up, dinner's ready."
"Okay!"
(This seemingly ordinary conversation, though seemingly mundane, felt like a series of turbulent emotional waves to me. We'd been trying to understand each other for years, the only difference being that I'd added more pressure, while she'd mostly refused!
But today, she no longer gave me the feeling of being a distant soldier; I felt incredibly close to her. Her initial surprise and anger had transformed into a stance of not accepting the situation but not forcing me to give up.
Actually, after studying psychology in college, I knew that my emotional state stemmed from a lack of maternal love growing up—a kind of abnormal psychology.)
At first, I was also very worried, but gradually I realized that there was nothing wrong with what I was doing. I truly loved her, my goddess. She was so beautiful and elegant; I could even smell a faint fragrance around her. Every time I did that, I would have a crazy urge to touch her hair, her cheeks, her skin!
After dinner, nothing seemed to have changed. She was still busy with the orphanage's affairs, rarely having a moment to rest! But just as I was about to take my ceremonial robes and prepare to return to my old dormitory, she suddenly said, "The houses over there have been demolished. You can stay here! Here's the key to the door!" "Ah!"
I stood there completely dumbfounded, staring at her, not knowing how to continue the sentence. She looked at me and suddenly burst out laughing: "What's wrong? Don't want to live at home?" "I do!"
I quickly said. I was afraid this fleeting opportunity would slip through my fingers! I grabbed the keys and ran off without even saying goodbye!
After washing up, I didn't care about the long journey and rushed to the welfare home to help Director Li with the daily affairs. I work here for at least three months every year, so I'm very familiar with all the operating rules. I've also noticed that since last year, Director Li seems to have become much "lazier" than before. She usually waits for me to come during my winter and summer vacations to do many routine tasks that aren't urgent, regardless of whether I'm capable of completing them or whether I'll come back!

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