On a woman's mole

page views:1 Publication date:2023-02-22 08:13:22

Prologue

I saw Gu Xuan again after many years at her wedding. I sat in the audience watching the newlyweds, bathed in soft lighting. Gu Xuan was beautiful that day, the brightest star of the night.

The faint mole on Gu Xuan's chin gave me a feeling of yesterday, as if not long ago she was still kneeling in front of me, her red lips enveloping my penis, a faint black mole beside her lips… I couldn't help but wonder when I had forgotten her? It seemed like a very, very long time ago, my memory like an old film reel, playing out blurry images, perhaps many fragments are damaged, but there are always many fragments that are clear enough to be unforgettable…

(I)

I used to be a very withdrawn person. I don't know when this personality started, but I know why I was withdrawn.

I clearly remember that I didn't like to talk when I was very young, and I liked to do what I wanted to do alone in a corner. Even a screw, a pulley, or a hollow steel pipe could keep me playing without distraction for an entire afternoon… Only one thing my family would show concern for me, oh, that was my grades. After each exam, my report card would linger in my father's hands for a few minutes. This former soldier would slowly slide his rough, scarred index finger across it. Fortunately, most of the time he was satisfied, and I had a period of relative freedom to do what I liked.

I don't know when I developed an illness; it was just a stuffy nose. At first, my family thought it was a minor ailment, but it got worse over time. One night in middle school, I suddenly woke up because of a dream where warm water seemed to be constantly splashing on my face. I got up and wiped it; my mouth, cheeks, and pillowcase were covered in a sticky liquid—warm blood. Over the next year

, this happened more and more frequently, even bleeding from my nostrils during class… My homeroom teacher called my parents to the school and berated them, saying they were only concerned with making money and didn't even know their child was in such a state!

I still remember my homeroom teacher, with his slightly graying hair, slamming his fist on the table… I persevered until the end of the high school entrance exam, had surgery to remove the tumor, and everything was fine. I vaguely remember that before entering the operating room, I roughly pushed my father away and staggered towards the operating room. I squinted and sneered as I watched his mouth, full of white foam, twitch, giving me a sense of vengeful pleasure... From high school onwards, I stayed at my aunt's house near the school, even after the college entrance examination. After the college entrance

examination, I had free time and thought about many things. I thought about my somewhat lonely and boring life before, about the girl I had a crush on but could only secretly admire from behind, about the little things still at home, about the big locust tree in front of my grandmother's house... One day, my cousin, who was in her first year of high school, suddenly asked me, "Brother, which school do you want to go to? My homeroom teacher always said to go to Tsinghua or Peking University, endure three years of hardship, and then it will be easy in college..." My cousin's words stunned me for a moment, and I had an epiphany. I realized that I couldn't always live in the past. I was only 18 years old. What kind of life should I have in the future?

(II)

Now, thinking back to myself back then, I was a little cute, a little naive, and very concerned about saving face. After receiving the acceptance letter, I studied it carefully, then secretly ran home to get my household registration booklet, forged my father's signature, and went alone to apply for a student loan certificate. Only my cousin knew about these things. One day at the end of August, my cousin saw me off alone. Just as I was about to get on the bus, she stuffed all the spare change she had saved into my backpack, her eyes red, and said, "Brother, remember to call me when you get there, and if possible, call Uncle and Aunt too..." I left without saying goodbye, arriving in an unfamiliar city in the slightly chilly autumn rain. After buying the necessities, I only had less than 1,500 yuan left out of the more than 2,000 yuan I had—my future living expenses. So, I applied for a maintenance-type work-study job, which only required working two or three nights a week, earning 400 yuan a month, enough to make ends meet with some savings.

I was very fortunate to have three great roommates. The eldest brother was a burly man from Northeast China, a chatterbox; the second brother was from Northwest China, his small eyes always giving off a lecherous vibe; the fourth brother was from Zhejiang, his voice soft and somewhat effeminate… My first meeting with Gu Xuan was at a hometown gathering shortly after the start of the semester. She happened to sit next to me, with short, ear-length hair, a slightly round face, and a faint black mole on her left chin.

Unlike me, Gu Xuan was very outgoing, frequently talking to me, who was reserved and shy.

I had never drunk alcohol before, but at Gu Xuan's urging, I couldn't resist having two glasses of beer, and then I slumped onto the table, my face flushed.

When the gathering ended, I sobered up a bit, but I was a little embarrassed because I could only write my dorm phone number on an A4 sheet of paper in my contacts.

"Don't you have a cell phone?" Gu Xuan asked from the side, her round cheeks flushed from the alcohol.

"I don't have money to buy one…" I replied sheepishly.

We walked side by side on the way back to school, the cool night breeze cooling my burning face. The moon was full, and the streetlights cast a dim, yellowish glow. Our dorm rooms were quite close, separated by only one building. She stood downstairs, a slight smile playing on her lips. "I'm going up now. Remember to keep in touch..." I watched her gracefully walk through the gate until her footsteps faded into the distance.

My freshman year was incredibly busy. Classes, part-time jobs, even weekend work—tutoring or handing out flyers—leaving me almost no time to think about anything else.

The night before the National Day holiday, I received a call from Gu Xuan. This was the first time she'd called me first—no, the first time we'd ever spoken since we met… "Let's all go out and have fun tomorrow!" Her voice was clear but slightly hoarse. I knew that "everyone" likely referred to my high school classmates in the same city.

I hesitated for a moment, thinking about the 100 yuan I'd earn distributing flyers every day during the National Day holiday, and finally refused, saying, "I have things to do during the holiday, you guys have fun." Gu Xuan was puzzled by my refusal, muttered "We'll talk about it later," and hung up.

Around 2 PM the next day, I still had over 200 flyers to finish. It was very hot, and the bottle of water I brought from school was long gone, so I took a break to buy some bottled water at the nearby newsstand. As I tilted my head back to drink, someone suddenly tapped my shoulder from behind, startling me so much that I choked on the water and bent over, coughing violently.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, are you alright!" It was Gu Xuan's voice, patting my back as she apologized.

The flyers at my feet were soaked, but I didn't have time to talk to her; I quickly picked them up and wiped them clean on my clothes.

"You...you're handing out flyers?"

"Yeah..." I replied, head down, wiping the flyers.

Then there was silence, a silence that lasted for quite a while.

"How much do you have left? Let me help you!"

I looked up in surprise at her face, which was bathed in sunlight.

"No need... What are you doing here? Weren't you guys out having fun?" I declined.

"I took the subway here to transfer, and I went inside to use the restroom!" she said, pointing to the Central Mall behind her.

"Then you should hurry up and go, they're still waiting for you, aren't they?"

"It's okay, I'll call them and tell them to go ahead." After making the call, she "snatched" most of the flyers from my hand, winked mischievously, and said, "Let's go!" The sun was shining brightly that day, and the sky was unusually clear, as blue as an indigo-dyed curtain. The faint mole on her slightly upturned chin was so cute and beautiful.

Perhaps pretty and cute girls have a natural affinity for each other, which was evident in the speed at which she handed out flyers. In less than an hour, she had run out of flyers, while I was still struggling with a stiff smile... With her help, I finished distributing 500 flyers by 4 PM. After getting the money, I dragged my aching legs to a wall and slumped down on the ground.

"Get up, don't sit here! It's not good..." Gu Xuan frowned and pouted, reaching out to pull me up.

This was the first time I had touched the hand of a man other than my cousin. Her hand was a little cool, soft and boneless.

She dragged me into the McDonald's next door, and I suddenly felt a little scared because the two of us could easily eat up the 100 yuan we had worked so hard for. So, I desperately backed away, saying, "I'd better go back first..." "I'm thirsty, I haven't had any water all afternoon!" Gu Xuan seemed to like pouting; her red lips covered her pearly teeth, and her fair face made them appear even more vibrant and striking.

"What would you like to drink? It's on me!" I said reluctantly.

"Coke is fine, it's really thirst-quenching!" she said with a playful smile.

"Why aren't you drinking?" she asked, her mouth full of water as she bit the straw.

"I'm not thirsty, I just drank a bottle of water..."

She suddenly stopped, blinking and staring at me, making me a little uneasy.

"What's wrong?" I asked, scratching my head and face, puzzled.

"I..." she pouted shyly, wanting to say something but stopping herself for some reason.

On the way back to school, she held that Coke the whole time, not saying a word. I was exhausted, like a dog, and had no energy to talk.

At her dorm entrance, she asked if I was going again tomorrow.

I said yes, it's a hundred yuan a day!

She asked if I could go.

I said it's too tiring, you definitely can't keep it up!

She was unhappy and said, I definitely can!

I laughed and said, you're not short of money, is it really necessary?

She pouted and said, mind your own business! "Could you ask if they still need anyone?"

The next morning, she reluctantly got up, still sleepy, and boarded the bus.

To this day, I still admire her, truly, from the bottom of my heart. I don't know what kept her going all day, panting heavily, sweat soaking her bangs, which clung messily to her cheeks… After receiving the 100 yuan, her eyes were red as she said, "I never knew earning money was so hard… If I had known this, I shouldn't have drunk that Coke yesterday, it cost 10 yuan…" The soft sunset shone through the gaps between the towering buildings, casting a soft glow on her fair face, the sweat on her hair shimmering like stars. For years, I've always felt that she was most beautiful at that moment!

"Come on, I'll treat you to McDonald's! Haha, I earned this myself!" She tilted her head back, like a proud rooster, and dragged me aggressively into the store.

"This is the most delicious meal I've ever had!"

It was already a bit chilly when we came out of McDonald's. Gu Xuan hunched her shoulders and tilted her head as she said this to me.

I smiled silently and said, "This meal cost enough for my living expenses for a week..." "Huh?! How is that possible!" Her eyes widened.

"Well, I work part-time and earn 400 yuan a month. I spend 300 yuan on food, and the remaining 100 yuan is for pocket money or to save for emergencies..." "Your family doesn't give you money?" She seemed to have heard the most unbelievable thing.

The word "family" seemed to be a very, very distant thing to me. I suddenly felt that the autumn night was very cold.

I looked down at my shadow under the streetlights and after a long time, I said stiffly, "I don't want to ask my family for money." Perhaps my words caused her to misunderstand, and this misunderstanding led to an even bigger misunderstanding between us.

(III)

One evening not long after the National Day holiday, I was eating alone in the cafeteria when I saw Gu Xuan again.

She walked past me with her plate, suddenly noticed me, and excitedly sat down opposite me.

She frowned, tilted her head, and looked me up and down, saying, "May I sit here?" I was suddenly amused by her seriousness, so I put on a straight face and said, "Excuse me, this seat is already taken." "Oh, really? Is it a beautiful woman? Your girlfriend?" She grinned, showing her white teeth and squinting her eyes.

I was speechless for a moment, then ignored her and buried my head in my food.

"How boring! Humph!" She vigorously poked her chopsticks into her rice, as if that bowl of rice was me sitting across from her.

"Oops! I accidentally took too much, I can't finish it..." She picked up a large lion's head meatball from her plate and gently placed it in my bowl, saying with a displeased expression.

"..." I looked up at her plate and realized she had only taken one lion's head meatball.

"Gu Xuan, actually I'm full..."

I wanted to put some food back in her bowl, but as soon as I picked up my chopsticks, I heard her say urgently, "Don't put any in my bowl! Look at the mess in your bowl, I'm disgusted! Hehe..." Indeed, my bowl of rice was covered in a lot of vegetable soup, and it looked disgusting.

"Eat up! There's also this, I can't eat this much either, I haven't even used my chopsticks, you don't have to be disgusted..." As she spoke, she piled the twice-cooked pork and shredded potatoes onto my plate.

At that moment, something seemed to gently pluck a string in my heart. Was that something called kinship?

Or was it called maternal love? I wondered how many years it had been since my mother had put food on my plate?

I didn't dare to think any further, otherwise tears would involuntarily stream down my face. So I lowered my head and frantically stuffed food into my mouth. I

don't know how much time had passed, but I sensed that something was wrong. I

looked up and saw Gu Xuan across from me looking at me with red eyes.

My mouth was full of food, and I sobbed, "What's wrong?"

She suddenly chuckled, then pouted as if in pain, and said, "Judging from the way you eat, it looks like you haven't eaten for months. You...you're often hungry, aren't you?" "No!" I tried to swallow the food in my mouth, took a sip of the free soup, and said, "How could I not be hungry? It's just that I rarely eat this well..." "Then eat more, I'm full!" She put some of the barely touched food from her plate into my bowl.

Looking back now, I'm puzzled by my behavior then. For various reasons, I'm a withdrawn person with a strong sense of self-respect, and Gu Xuan's act of charity would easily have offended me—according to my personality, I should beg for food with dignity—but at the time, I didn't feel any resistance. Instead, a warm feeling welled up inside me.

After that day, I often ran into Gu Xuan in the cafeteria, and almost every time she would take "excess" food, which she would then put into my bowl... I'm not stupid; although my emotional intelligence has never been high, I could still sense the good intentions behind her unintentional gestures. Many times I considered whether to refuse this "care" or "charity," but whenever I made up my mind, deep down I couldn't refuse this warmth. During

the winter break of my freshman year, Gu Xuan and I couldn't get train tickets, so we had to take a bus home. The journey of over 800 kilometers took nearly 10 hours.

After lunch, the warm sunlight outside the bus window made her sleepy, and soon she closed her eyes and fell asleep.

I tilted my head to look at her as she slept soundly. Sunlight particles danced on her cheeks, and the sparse downy hairs on her earlobes shimmered softly.

The car suddenly jolted, and she murmured softly, then abruptly rested her head on my shoulder. I tensed, unsure what to do, and stiffened, leaning back in my seat, afraid to wake her.

The car was quiet, save for the soft hum of the engine and the whirring of the air conditioner. I could hear her short, delicate breaths, smell her faint, alluring fragrance, and almost feel the warmth emanating from her face. And so, in that cold winter, a flutter of emotion took root and sprouted in my heart… What, then, is love?

If I had said it ten years ago, that winter, love was like the winter sun, gentle as Gu Xuan's slender fingers, warm as the food Gu Xuan picked up, kind as Gu Xuan's slightly upturned lips, beautiful as Gu Xuan's cheeks bathed in sunlight... Yes, that winter, on the way home, I fell deeply in love with the short-haired girl leaning on my shoulder. Unfortunately, I was too introverted and too insecure at the time, and I didn't even dare to look her in the eye, let alone say to her, "I love you! Be my girlfriend!" Love is like flowing water. Although I tried my best to hold it in my hands, it inevitably slipped through my fingers, leaving only a damp mark on my palms, stained with tears.

(IV)

Spring in this city is very short, so short that it's too short to appreciate. When the cherry blossoms bloom and then quickly wither, spring is already over.

In the second semester of my freshman year, I found two tutoring jobs, two hours each on Saturday mornings and afternoons, earning 160 yuan a day. Because I'd been wanting to buy a computer, I kept handing out flyers on Sundays, earning 260 yuan a week. I thought I could save up enough for the computer by the end of the semester.

I wasn't interested in my major, so my grades weren't good; I was in the lower middle of my class in the final exams last semester. I also didn't like joining clubs. After attending a few club recruitment events, I decided they were useless, just a way for a couple of upperclassmen to get prestige.

Unlike me, Gu Xuan loved participating in various activities. What surprised me even more was that she was a member of the college's women's basketball team, and they had even made it to the school's top eight last semester. And I, as her friend, knew absolutely nothing about it.

Until one evening in the second semester of my freshman year, I went for a run on the track. Afterwards, I passed by the basketball court and noticed a girl's back that looked a lot like Gu Xuan's. As I got closer, it was indeed her.

She was shooting hoops by herself and called me over to play. Actually, I'm terrible at basketball; I only played for a short time during PE class throughout high school.

She suggested we play one-on-one.

I thought, "What's a big guy like me afraid of one-on-one?" So I happily nodded.

But she beat me horribly, utterly humiliatingly. In the end, I had to resort to all sorts of tugging, dragging, and even finally grabbing her as she walked past me... We were both dressed lightly, in short sleeves, and sweating. I just held her like that, the basketball slipping from her hands and falling to the ground, rolling away with a thud.

Her waist was slender, supple, and soft. A few of my fingers seemed to uncontrollably press on her lower abdomen a few times.

"You..." she gasped, scolding me in my arms.

The streetlights beside the court were dim, but I could still see a blush rising on the back of her neck.

"You cheated, that's a foul!" She twisted her body slightly, trying to break free from my embrace.

I thought she was angry, so I awkwardly released her. She ran to retrieve the ball, head down, while I looked down at my hands, seemingly unable to believe I had just hugged her so closely.

"Let's go!" she called from afar.

I sheepishly followed behind her, my pert little bottom swaying with her every step, encased in jeans. Before I knew it, I was shamelessly hard.

Afraid of being discovered, I put my hands in my shorts pockets and tried to spread the front open with my palms.

"Hurry up! I'm not angry! Silly..." She suddenly stopped, turned around, and chuckled.

"Will you still play basketball with me?"

"No!"

"No way, I finally managed to find a practice partner!"

"..." I rolled my eyes and said, "You should find a girl, I'm afraid I won't be able to resist hugging you again!" "Hmph! You did that on purpose!" she pouted.

Her coquettishness was always irresistible, so every few nights she would call me to practice, and I would always take the opportunity to take advantage of her.

Things sometimes take an unexpected turn.

That night, in the middle of a game, it suddenly started pouring rain, causing chaos on the playground and basketball court.

We jogged to the eaves of the grandstand on the playground, looking at each other's drenched appearance and bursting into laughter.

I was a little better off, but her t-shirt, soaked through, clung tightly to her body, outlining her graceful figure. I realized then that I had long neglected her body. The neckline of her off-white t-shirt was loose, falling somewhat disheveled over her chest, and through the rain-soaked, discolored fabric, I could clearly see her pale yellow bra. Her breasts weren't large, but a shallow cleavage was still visible.

"Don't look!" she pouted, covering her chest with her hands.

I quickly looked away, awkwardly leaning against the wall, watching the curtain of water falling from the eaves, remaining silent.

The rain continued to fall, with flashes of lightning occasionally streaking across the night sky, followed by booming thunder from the distance.

After a long while, Gu Xuan also leaned against the wall, hugging her shoulders and shivering.

"Are you cold?"

"Yeah, a little."

"Then..." I realized I was almost powerless to help; my t-shirt was already soaked.

Another silence followed.

"Wait here, I'll go back and get an umbrella."

"No!" She stubbornly refused, her shivering appearance pitiful.

"Hug me..." she whispered.

"..." I opened my mouth, but before I could form my words, she gently moved closer to my shoulder.

My hands hung awkwardly at my sides, and she rubbed her head against my shoulder, the raindrops on her hair making me feel a chill.

"I'm cold..." she murmured, her head buried in her skin.

I stiffly pulled her into my arms, feeling her body tense, as if she were shivering from the cold.

"Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah, much better, it's so warm..."

The rain was still falling, the raindrops splashing on the concrete. I realized that Gu Xuan and I weren't alone; there were several couples on the viewing platform huddled together for warmth.

I smiled silently, feeling that happiness had come so quickly, so suddenly, that it felt unreal. Only by holding her tightly could I feel it was real, feel her presence.

"You're hurting me..." Gu Xuan said with a pained reproach.

"I'm afraid you'll disappear the next moment!" I said, gently rubbing my chin against the top of her head.

"Hehe, how could that be! Your arms are so warm, I like it..." She chuckled, her warm breath seeping through the damp fabric and onto my chest.

"I like it too..."

"Like what?"

"Like holding you like this..."

"Anything else?"

"Nothing." I said with a silly smile.

"Hmph, blockhead!" Gu Xuan huffed angrily.

I don't know how long we hugged, but the rain finally subsided. I pulled her hand and ran, the wind and raindrops constantly hitting our faces, stinging a little.

Downstairs at her building, she looked up at me and said, "I'm going up. Don't you have anything to say to me?" I tried to think for a moment and said, "Go back and take a hot shower, don't catch a cold, and make sure you're covered up well tonight..." "Okay, I know!" She seemed to be waiting for me to say something, but I kept urging her to leave.

She finally turned around, stopped at the dormitory entrance, and turned back to me, saying, "You blockhead, I hate you!"

(V)

One day before the May Day holiday in 2006, Gu Xuan said while eating, "Big blockhead, let's go out for May Day!" I asked, biting into a chicken leg, "Where to go?

" "I don't know, that's your business!" she giggled.

"I don't know either, why don't you suggest somewhere?" I said helplessly. On the one hand, I really didn't know where to go, and on the other hand, I was worried about the money. I was planning when I could buy a computer, but if we went out for a trip, it would probably cost more than a thousand yuan.

"Let me think... how about we go to Suzhou? It's very close. I've always wanted to see a water town and ride a small boat..." Her longing look made me feel a little sorry for her.

Much later, I realized that I was very silly and confused back then, or as Gu Xuan would say, a blockhead. I always thought that Gu Xuan and I were already lovers, otherwise, how could she have allowed me to hug her? And as her boyfriend, I had never given her even a small gift.

She so desperately wanted to go to Suzhou to fulfill her dream of falling asleep by the fishing lights and the sound of oars, how could I not grant her wish?

On May Day, we took the high-speed train to Suzhou and then transferred to Tongli.

For dinner, we ate some pig's trotters and drank some beer. Not being a big drinker, I was quite tipsy and walked with Gu Xuan back to the inn.

We got caught in the rain again halfway there. It wasn't heavy though; the rain in Tongli was like silken threads, pattering softly in the air.

By the time we got to the inn, our clothes were soaked. Gu Xuan took a change of clothes into the bathroom, and soon the sound of running water filled the air.

My eyes were on the TV, but my mind was elsewhere until I heard soft footsteps, which brought me back to reality.

"Why don't you take a shower too? It's warm!" Gu Xuan said, drying her hair.

After showering, we sat on the bed watching TV, but I was on one side of the bed, and she was on the other, as if an invisible line separated us.

"I'm sleepy!" She yawned, covering her mouth with her hand.

"Okay, then go to sleep."

I don't know how much time had passed, but I was still sitting on the bed watching the silent TV when Gu Xuan turned her face, pouting, and said, "Wooden head..." Her voice was lazy and alluring, seemingly possessing a magic that kept drawing my gaze to her face peeking out from under the covers.

"Hug me..."

The blankets were warm, but I felt a little cold. Gu Xuan shivered involuntarily as she moved closer to me.

We were both dressed, but it seemed she wasn't wearing a bra; her soft breasts were piled up on my arm.

"Hold me tight..." She turned me over so we were lying face to face, then wrapped herself around me like an octopus.

Soft and warm as jade—that's the feeling my hands were getting right now. Gu Xuan's breasts changed shape in my hands, not too big, not too small, just the right size for my hand to grasp. Her nipples were tiny, the smallest I'd ever seen. How tiny? I couldn't find a reference point, but they were somewhere between the size of a soybean and a mung bean.

She buried her face in my neck, letting out barely audible moans. My already erect penis was pressed against her thigh, involuntarily rubbing and throbbing back and forth.

"Ugh!" she whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Hard..." She nestled her head closer to my neck, scolding me.

"It likes you!" I thrust harder, and she gasped, tilting her flushed face up to whisper in my ear, "It's so hot." I don't know where the courage came from, but I grabbed her small hand and placed it on my hard penis. Her hand was cool; touching it felt like a thin layer of peppermint oil, cool and refreshing, like an electric shock, making my penis swell and harden even more.

"No!" she cried out, struggling, but I pressed her hand firmly against my penis, preventing her from moving an inch.

After a long while, she calmed down, and then her small hand, warmed by my penis, moved slightly. She let out a long sigh and chuckled, "It's moving..." "Want to see it?" "No!" she said, but her small hand gripped my penis even tighter, which felt incredibly pleasurable.

"Kiss me..." she brought her small mouth close to my face.

I awkwardly opened my mouth and touched her lips. Her lips were warm, soft and smooth like glutinous rice.

"This is my first kiss..." After a long while, our lips finally parted, and she gasped.

"It's also my first kiss." With that, I kissed her lips again, licking her teeth and sucking on her tender tongue.

"Wooden block, big wooden block..." She pushed my face away desperately. "I can't breathe, you blockhead, you still haven't told me you like me..." Her right hand, which had somehow left my penis, was now caressing her smooth, white chest as she panted and scolded me.

"Of course I like you, don't you know?" I asked, puzzled.

"You're such a blockhead! Humph, I'm ignoring you!" She turned away angrily.

"..." I didn't know what the problem was; she seemed a bit unreasonable.

But the physical pleasure and mental ecstasy were irresistible. I could only hug her from behind and whisper in her ear, "I like you, don't be angry!" She didn't speak, but twisted her body, trying to break free from my embrace. Her buttocks accidentally bumped against my penis, seemingly cleverly finding their way into her butt crack.

Her struggles only made me hold her tighter. Where there is pressure, there is resistance. In the end, I don't know when, she was completely naked, stripped of her clothes, and allowed me to kiss and caress her.

Just as I was about to enter her body, I suddenly stopped. I was terrified, terrified that everything beautiful between us would be gone, terrified that I couldn't protect her, terrified that I wouldn't be able to take care of her.

Back then, I was a poor loser, haha, a poor loser who often needed her help out.

"What's wrong?" she asked, opening her eyes and panting.

"Nothing..." I got off her and lay down on the bed.

"What's wrong?" she asked again.

"I can't do this!" I pulled the blanket over my head and mumbled.

"I don't blame you!" She burrowed under the covers and nestled against my chest.

"I'm not good enough for you..." For some reason, those words slipped out.

...

I felt a dampness on my chest and pulled back the covers to find Gu Xuan's face covered in tears.

"What's wrong?"

Her silent sobbing answered me.

"What happened?"

"Waaah, you're such a jerk!" She finally burst into tears. "You're not good enough for me? How come you're not good enough for me? If you think you're not good enough for me, then what are you doing with me now?" "..." I opened my mouth, but didn't know what to say.

"Ha..." She smiled bitterly, still crying. "I really like you. I wanted to give myself to you, but you just made me feel so cheap. Do I have to beg you to be satisfied?!"...What should have been a romantic and passionate night ended in this unpleasant way.

I got dressed and curled up on the recliner, unable to sleep all night, occasionally hearing Gu Xuan's soft sobs from her bed... The next day, we went back to school and didn't see each other again until after the exams in June.

The day after the exams, military training began.

(VI)

One night during military training, I lay exhausted in bed reading a novel. When the eldest in my dorm came back, he came up to my bedside and asked me mysteriously, "Guess who I just saw?" I was stunned. "Who did you see?" "Your girlfriend, with a guy, they looked very intimate..." He patted my shoulder, looked at me with pity, and said, "Didn't you say you two just had some minor arguments? How come you got dumped?" "..." I was stunned. I couldn't believe it was true.

Until the eldest said with difficulty, "I saw them holding hands as they came out of the teaching building..." I didn't know how I got out of the dorm or how I got to Gu Xuan's building. I realized that I couldn't find her without my phone, and finally returned to the dorm in a daze.

I don't know how I got through the military training. I was in a daze and got scolded by the instructors quite a bit.

The day the training ended, I saw Gu Xuan in her camouflage uniform on the playground. The summer sun had tanned her skin a bit, but it made her look even more energetic and dashing. The hand that had been holding mine not long ago was now in another man's hand.

I walked towards her without thinking, and only when I got close did she recognize me—I was also tanned. Gu Xuan later told me that I looked like an African monkey back then, and she couldn't recognize me at all.

Meeting under these circumstances, Gu Xuan was clearly unprepared. She hurriedly pulled her hand away from the boy's and said awkwardly, "Long time no see..." "..." I just kept staring at her.

"Xuanxuan, who's this?" the boy next to her asked in a sickeningly sweet tone.

"Ah! My fellow townsman, from the same high school..." Gu Xuan replied helplessly, her eyes full of pleading, as if telling me not to do anything rash.

"Really? Hello, what's your name?" The boy extended his hand in a friendly greeting.

I ignored his outstretched hand, glanced at Gu Xuan, and turned to leave. I vaguely heard him say behind me, "Xuanxuan, is your fellow villager crazy? How can he be so rude..." Haha, Xuanxuan... My heart felt like it had been stabbed, it hurt so much.

The holidays started, and the campus quickly emptied out, almost deserted even in broad daylight. I didn't want to go back to that home that made me feel cold and disgusted.

I was alone in the dorm. The pain of heartbreak kept me cooped up in the dorm for three days, barely eating anything. It was then that I learned to smoke. I didn't have much money, so I could only afford five-yuan packs.

Perhaps my past experiences allowed me to recover quickly from the pain of heartbreak, because I had figured it out after the college entrance exam last year: a person should look forward, not live in the past.

I remembered I'd always wanted to buy a computer, and now I had saved up over 3000 yuan, so I went to the computer mall to browse.

Back in 2006, the PC assembly market was booming, and the Bai Nao Hui shopping mall was packed with people. I walked around and found almost every store was overflowing with customers, with long queues and salespeople constantly busy.

I suddenly wondered if I could work there during the summer vacation, earning money while learning a skill.

So I found a shop owned by a kind-looking middle-aged man, around forty years old, and nervously explained my purpose.

He asked if I knew anything about hardware.

I shook my head and said, "I often read computer magazines in the library..." "Then tell me about the major CPU, hard drive, and memory brands..." I racked my brains, managing to name a few correctly.

"You're a student, right? Why are you thinking of working here?" The man was very kind and patient.

"I want to earn money to buy a computer!" I said, quite embarrassed.

"Interesting. Do you know how to assemble computers?"

"No, but I can learn..."

The uncle thought for a moment, then said, "Okay, you can learn here first. But let's make it clear beforehand, you'll be an assistant for now, 50 yuan a day. After a while, if you can bring in business yourself, I'll give you a 3% commission for each machine you sell. How about that?" In 2006, a computer generally cost 4,000-5,000 yuan, and each machine cost at least 120 yuan, so I quickly nodded in agreement.

"When can you come?"

"Right now!"

And so, I began my working life in the computer mall. For the first few days, I assisted the computer installers while learning, constantly fetching goods with delivery slips, and even buying lunch for everyone… After half a month, one of the salesmen went to the restroom during an installation, and the boss, seeing me idle, said,

“Xiao Zhang, you give it a try, I’ll watch.”

Thankfully, the two weeks of hard work paid off. Although I needed the boss’s guidance in many areas, I completed the task relatively smoothly, although the wiring inside the computer case was still a bit messy.

“Hmm, not bad, you try it tomorrow…” The boss clearly didn’t want me, this laborer, to be idle.

During my first summer vacation, in less than forty days, I independently completed over 90 orders, earning a total of over 14,000 yuan. When I finally received the heavy 1000 RMB from the boss, I almost cried.

The boss was a kind person; I was initially worried he would stand me up, but in the end, he not only paid me my full salary but also let me buy a computer from his shop at cost price.

Before I left, the boss stopped me and asked if I could come back to work on weekends after school started.

Apparently, the summer break and the end of October are the busiest time for computer assembly each year, and they definitely wouldn't have enough staff then.

The boss also said he'd give me an extra percentage on my commission if I came back. Of course, I agreed.

In short, I earned a little over 20,000 yuan working in the computer mall in 2006, more than my four years of undergraduate tuition… If I had known this, I wouldn't have needed to apply for student loans.

From the beginning of my freshman year, I realized that making money is actually quite easy, as long as you're willing to work hard.

And my experience working during the summer break of my freshman year showed me that earning a lot of money is also relatively easy, as long as you're willing to work hard, learn, and be shameless.

I have a quirk, or rather a flaw, in that whenever I have money, I stop working so hard to earn more. Only when the money is almost gone do I start thinking of ways to make more.

So, after the National Day holiday, I started diligently studying at school, attending classes, doing part-time jobs, going to the library, and playing basketball—that became my entire life.

(Word count: 24594

) [The End]

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