The beginning of the nightmare

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-18 08:13:05

Anxious.

I felt like a child who had done something wrong,

filled with trepidation about the unknown.

What awaited

me at the end of that dream? My first time was spent in this tension and panic. On the way home, my legs felt weak; I felt like I was floating home.

Another sleepless night. I couldn't believe that I had become so intimate with Lin Yilan. Her snow-white body kept rewinding and replaying in front of me like slow motion… I had a somewhat unreal feeling, constantly doubting whether I had just had a wet dream.

In this daze, I finally succumbed to sleep as dawn broke.

It was a new day. The moment I stepped into the school gate, I felt an unease I hadn't experienced in a long time. It was like the first day of school as a child, facing an unfamiliar environment. I didn't know how to face Lin Yilan. I felt that our relationship had become closer, but this intimacy was strange and ambiguous. I waited anxiously

, but even when the bell rang for class, I didn't see the figure I was looking forward to.
What happened to her? What happened? Was she injured yesterday? ...

I had so many questions and worries, it felt like countless ants were gnawing at my heart: I couldn't concentrate on what the teacher was saying; I kept suppressing a terrible impulse to stand up, rush out of the classroom, go to her house, and see what was wrong with her.

I gripped my pen tightly, my nails digging into my flesh, but I didn't feel any pain. It wasn't until the bell rang that I relaxed in shock, looking down at the deep nail marks on my palms. Pain!

What should I do? I angrily tugged at my hair, unable to vent my unbearable frustration.

For three days in a row, Lin Yilan didn't come to class. I endured each day of school like it was an eternity, and as soon as school was over, I would unusually rush out of the classroom and run to the small garden not far from Lin Yilan's house, staring intently at the entrance of her building, afraid that if I blinked, she would escape my sight.

Although we've only been dating for a little over a month, this little garden downstairs from her apartment building holds countless memories of us.

Every night I walk her home, and then we linger reluctantly in this garden. She always clings to me, wanting me to stay a little longer. She's really clingy, and I always have to spend a lot of time comforting her and coaxing her upstairs. But I always linger downstairs for a while, savoring every smile and gesture she made. Actually, I don't want her to leave, but I'm worried her parents will scold her for coming home late, so I always pretend to be heartless and urge her to go home.

She always pouts, saying I don't love her, that I don't treat her as well as she treats me. I always silently accept all her accusations. I don't know what love is; no one has ever taught me, and I have nowhere to learn this mysterious thing. But I know that for her, I'm willing to do anything, I just don't know how to tell her; I think that would be stupid.

I've regretted my inability to express my feelings, and I've told myself that when I have children in the future, I will definitely teach them to express love.

But how could I, at that age, have imagined that the love between Lin Yilan and me would be forever unexpressed?

I never got to see my Yilan again.

Luckily, I always sat in the corner of the classroom, and didn't have any close classmates, so no one noticed my recent unusual behavior as a bookworm.

"Knock knock!" Just as the math teacher was lecturing with spittle flying, a sudden knock on the door interrupted him.
He asked gruffly, somewhat annoyed, "Who is it?"

The door creaked open, attracting the attention of all the students in the classroom. But not me, who had been lost in my own world.

"Teacher Liang, Director Hu wants Li Yunqi from your class to go to his office immediately. It's urgent."

Hearing my name, I snapped out of my reverie and looked up at the door. It was Teacher Li from the disciplinary office, a new counselor who hadn't been with the school long.

"Oh." Teacher Liang still seemed unhappy that someone had interrupted his class. He snapped at me without any politeness, "Li Yunqi, you go with her."

I didn't say a word, silently stood up, and walked out of the classroom amidst the surprised gazes of my classmates. I heard the classroom door slam shut behind me with a loud bang. Startled, I was still half-asleep. Only then did I notice that Ms. Li, usually so cheerful, looked very somber today. She gave me a meaningful look and said, "Come with me."
I didn't think much of this strange behavior. I was still preoccupied with Yi Lan's situation and hadn't considered Ms. Li's attitude at all.

Although I wasn't a particularly outstanding student, my consistently top-ten ranking in the grade meant that some teachers at the school treated me with respect and care. After all, in a prestigious high school where top students excelled, such achievements were rare. Although the school was becoming more market-driven and teachers had become more pragmatic, the school's century-old tradition still made most teachers somewhat protective of outstanding students.

"Go in. Ms. Hu is waiting for you." Ms. Li gave me one last look before turning and walking back to her office. As I opened the door, I thought I heard her let out a barely perceptible sigh.

Without giving me time to think, I was already inside the office.

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