Questions about restoring passionate sex life after childbirth

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Suddenly, their life as a couple became a family of three. When they resumed their passionate relationship, something just didn't feel right. What happened? How could they rekindle their former, captivating passion?
New Dad's Question 1
Why can't I feel sexually attracted to her anymore?
Ever since witnessing Qinqin's entire childbirth process in the delivery room, her husband hasn't dared to touch her. Occasionally, the thought of sex flashes through his mind, but the bloody image of the delivery room immediately flashes before his eyes—his wife's face contorted in pain, the smell of blood—and the other side of his mind immediately stops the thought. The baby is now 100 days old, and her husband still has absolutely no feelings for Qinqin.
Sexual Secrets: Embrace sex, cherish your wife and baby, and enhance your sexual self-esteem.
Accept that all childbirth involves pain, and those bloody scenes are unavoidable. It is the greatness of mothers that creates new life. In fact, most fathers are afraid of the delivery room, but if you can accept it mentally, you will no longer be afraid, and arousing sexual desire will not be difficult.
Love your family. New mothers have endured pain and hardship to bring a baby into the family. At this time, you should take care of your family more, help the new mother take care of the baby, share housework, and enjoy the happiness of family life. This will also gradually distract you and help you forget the scary scenes in the delivery room.
New Dad's Question 2
Why did she change completely after giving birth?
Before giving birth, Yezi was a lively and cheerful person, but after having a baby, she completely changed. She became neurotic every day, cried easily, and didn't even want to take care of the baby, let alone have any sex drive. Faced with this, her husband was at a loss.
Sex Secrets: Overcoming Depression and Embracing a New Life
Postpartum depression typically appears within four weeks after childbirth. Most new mothers experience increased crying, unusual fatigue, and temporary mood swings within one to five days postpartum; these are normal and usually resolve quickly.
Helping mothers cultivate a positive postpartum mood: Decreased libido is a common problem after childbirth. What new fathers can do is create a healthy postpartum recovery environment for her, provide her with nutritious yet light food, give her the love and care of her family, and help her build a positive mood.
Fathers need to understand the hardships mothers face and adjust their own mindset. They should not force their mothers to do things they don't want to do. If the new mother shows symptoms of postpartum depression, fathers should persuade her to see a doctor and receive treatment for depression in a timely manner.
New mom's question 1
I feel very uncomfortable, it hurts.
It makes me feel that married life isn't so wonderful anymore.
Wenli and her husband had always had a good relationship, and she was particularly satisfied with their sex life. However, to her surprise, her first time resuming sexual activity resulted in sharp pains that made it impossible to continue. Her husband looked at her helplessly, while she herself cried in distress.
Sex Secrets: Find the Root Cause of Pain and Adjust Your Sexual Practices
Addressing wound pain, poor wound healing, or scarring can all cause pain during intercourse for new mothers. If the new mother had an episiotomy, she should wash her vulva twice daily with a 10% solution of a feminine wash, and try to sleep on her side with the side that wasn't incised. She should also wash her vagina and anus after urination and defecation to promote wound healing. Mothers who had a cesarean section should pay close attention to abdominal incision hygiene, avoiding contact with water for two weeks postpartum, and refraining from tub baths until lochia has completely stopped. New parents are advised to wait until their bodies have recovered sufficiently before resuming sexual activity.
Improving Vaginal Conditions: New mothers typically have lower estrogen levels during breastfeeding, and the vagina is still congested, resulting in fewer vaginal folds and less elasticity. Because the vaginal glands haven't fully recovered, lubrication is insufficient, making the vagina more sensitive and prone to dryness, which can easily cause pain during intimacy. In this situation, new fathers should be aware that the first penetration after childbirth requires waiting until sufficient lubrication has been produced, and should proceed gradually and indirectly. Using a suitable lubricant can also effectively alleviate pain.
New fathers should avoid overly vigorous movements. Because of prolonged suppressed passion, their movements may become too forceful, potentially leading to uterine contractions or bleeding, causing pain for the new mother. Therefore, new fathers should try to control the intensity of their movements.
New mom's second question
I leak urine when I get excited, which makes both of us feel very embarrassed.
Xiaojing experienced frequent urination and defecation during her pregnancy. She thought this would improve after giving birth, but contrary to her expectations, her ability to control urination remained very poor. She couldn't help it when coughing, laughing, or sneezing, and she was especially unable to control herself during orgasm.
Sex Secrets: Exercise more and drink more soup to improve muscle control.
Postpartum urinary incontinence can be one of the most embarrassing things for new mothers, especially during intimate moments. It can disrupt your mood and even lead to sexual failure. You can try Kegel exercises to help with recovery. However, if there is no improvement, it's best to consult an obstetrician-gynecologist or urologist for further examination and treatment.
Kegel exercises are a method to improve the contraction ability of the pubococcygeus muscle. Consistent exercise can improve muscle contraction ability, alleviate urinary frequency and incontinence, enhance pleasure, and further treat symptoms such as lower abdominal pain, lower abdominal bloating, and a feeling of heaviness in the abdomen caused by pelvic floor relaxation.
Try this medicinal drink: Longan and Jujube Seed Drink. Ingredients: 15g longan pulp, 12g roasted jujube seeds, 10g fox nuts. Simmer in water and drink as tea. Benefits: Longan pulp benefits the heart and spleen, replenishes qi and blood; jujube seeds nourish the liver and calm the mind; combined with fox nuts, it can strengthen the spleen and kidneys, thus nourishing blood, calming the mind, benefiting the kidneys, consolidating essence, and reducing urination.
New mom's third question
I feel my body is recovering quite well.
But why don't I experience pleasure during intimacy?
Tingting and her husband had always had a harmonious sex life. Forty-two days after giving birth, they chose a weekend to enjoy some long-awaited sexual bliss. However, from beginning to end, Tingting felt she had very little lubrication and experienced no pleasure whatsoever. Her husband also complained that her vagina was too loose. Tingting was very distressed. Was their sex life going to end like this from now on?
Sex tips: Do more foreplay, strengthen your pelvic floor muscles, and adjust your mindset.
Intensifying foreplay and lifting restrictions for too long might make everyone anxious. It's recommended to offer more caresses, kisses, and encouragement. However, breastfeeding mothers should avoid touching their breasts, as too much milk can affect sexual desire. Also, try not to compress the breasts.
After childbirth, the vagina becomes more relaxed, or due to severe uterine prolapse or vaginal wall prolapse, it may become excessively loose. These changes reduce the vaginal walls' ability to tolerate penile friction during intercourse, leading to insufficient stimulation and diminished pleasure. It's important to promote early vaginal recovery after childbirth. Postpartum exercises, especially those focusing on strengthening vaginal contractions, can be beneficial.
To maintain a positive and harmonious sex life and prevent a decline in sexual pleasure after childbirth, it's important to relax, communicate well with your partner, share your feelings, and cooperate more effectively.
Question 4 from a new mother
I feel so insecure right now, and I'm so afraid he'll see my ugly body, so I don't want to have sex.
Before pregnancy, Qiqi had a stunning figure that everyone praised. But after becoming pregnant, her weight skyrocketed from 90 pounds to 160 pounds. Two months after giving birth, she still weighed 140 pounds, and her stomach was covered in unsightly stretch marks. Her husband wanted to resume their sex life, but Qiqi felt too ugly and didn't want her husband to see her "appearance," so she kept making excuses to avoid it. Over time, the two grew increasingly distant.
Sex Secrets: Build Confidence with Diet and Exercise
Building confidence is important because postpartum body changes and stretch marks are very common, and many mothers need 1-2 years to recover, so you don't need to worry about it. Just tell your new husband your thoughts and let him understand. Even if he sees your body during sex, he'll be more accepting. The most important thing to regain your figure is to maintain a normal mindset and communicate and connect emotionally with your husband. This is crucial for maintaining a good relationship.
Before childbirth, many women eat whatever is beneficial for their baby, which can stretch their stomachs. After childbirth, it's helpful to adjust your diet to ensure adequate nutrition while reducing water and sugar intake.
Postpartum exercise: New mothers can begin postpartum gymnastics within a week after delivery, provided their physical condition permits. Simultaneously, continuing breastfeeding helps burn off the fat accumulated during pregnancy, all of which contribute to body shape recovery. Postpartum mothers often have a fuller, more attractive figure than before pregnancy.
Postpartum sex schedule
New mothers recover gradually after childbirth, and new fathers, having endured a long wait, are also eager to rekindle their passion. However, for the sake of health and safety, it's best to wait until the body has fully recovered before rekindling the romance.
●Natural childbirth: Generally, it is advisable to have a natural delivery 42 days postpartum, after a check-up at the hospital confirming full recovery. This is because expectant mothers experience significant physical changes during pregnancy, which usually subside within 6 weeks postpartum. Some new mothers may experience perineal tightness and swelling after childbirth; this can be addressed by rinsing and massaging with warm water during bathing to promote wound healing and soften scabs. This will minimize physical obstacles to resuming sexual activity. Of course, if the episiotomy has not yet healed, it should be postponed until it has fully healed.
● Cesarean section: In addition to the abdominal incision, the uterine wound must also heal safely. Therefore, mothers who have had a cesarean section require a longer recovery time than mothers who have given birth vaginally. It is recommended to wait at least 3 months postpartum before resuming sexual activity.

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