Unrequited love

page views:1 Publication date:2023-06-12 03:04:45

Once, in a large classroom, a boy from another class sat in front of C and me. He was fairly handsome, but had a carefree, nonchalant attitude. C said he was a top student; he never listened in class, always self-studying, and consistently ranked first in overall exams and assessments. "Really? Look at his playboy ways!" C said he could write in several different fonts, all beautifully. "You can't tell from appearances," I thought. I've always admired people with beautiful handwriting and really wanted to see his… So, I mustered my courage and borrowed his pen. When I returned it, I slipped a small note inside: "What's your name?" After reading it, he turned around, took my notebook, and wrote his name down. It was a hard-to-remember name, and not very pleasant-sounding, but the handwriting was quite nice… Back in the dorm, we discussed it. They said to me, "Oh, you wrote him a note? Just wait, a love letter will arrive in a few days!" I said, "Don't talk nonsense, I just wanted to see his handwriting." But deep down, I thought, "If there were a love letter, that would be even better, haha."

Days passed like this, and no love letter came. He remained the same as always… My roommates always teased me about it, and I felt a little sad, regretting writing that note. But I always comforted myself: "If you want to do something, just do it. What does it matter if there's no result?" More and more people knew about it. A girl in his class, H, whom I was quite close to, always tried to persuade him: "Hey, Y, there's a girl in Class 3 who likes you…" A string of sweet words. But I don't know how he responded; he was completely unmoved. Ugh! I felt so ashamed… Then one day, H said he had a girlfriend, and she saw them walking together on campus… Instantly, tears welled up in my eyes. I held them back, but my heart ached so much… I asked myself: "Have I really fallen in love with him? If not, why does my heart ache so much? It turns out you already have someone else in your heart. Why is fate destined to leave me alone…?" Forget him. I believe time can heal all wounds.

After that, I deliberately tried not to think about him and avoided him, but he acted as if nothing had happened, still smiling generously when he saw me. Once, during an exam, he even asked me to help him bring his English book back to the classroom. But every time I saw him, my heart still raced. Whenever someone talked about him or his girlfriend, my heart still ached. His girlfriend was at another university, not far from ours; they were high school classmates… I drifted through half a year like this, feeling like I had almost forgotten him. But on the day before winter break in 2001, something dramatic happened… I'll tell you what happened next… The next day was winter break, and that evening I started packing. Suddenly, I remembered I had a Calculus 2 book in the large classroom, which I used to reserve a seat. Looking back, it's ridiculous; what's the point of reserving a seat if I didn't pay attention in class? Tomorrow was break, I had to get the book back, but he was in that class, and I really didn't want to go. Half a year had passed; hadn't I stopped caring about him? Fine, I'll go. Reaching the door of his classroom, I hesitated for a moment, then took a deep breath: I hoped he wasn't inside… I pushed open the door, not daring to look up to see if he was there, and just searched for my books. I looked at my desk twice, but couldn't find them. I thought: Goodbye, I'd better hurry up and leave. I rushed out of the classroom, and as I was about to go downstairs, I suddenly heard someone running towards me, calling my name. I turned around, and it was him. My heart skipped a beat… He said, "What are you looking for?" I said, "Advanced Mathematics 2, I can't find it." He said, "I'll help you look, I'll ask others." I thought to myself, this guy is really helpful; I'd heard he could help before, and I was sure he would. But this time he asked me to treat him first. If it were anyone else, I wouldn't have bothered, but with him, I said, "Okay, what do you want to eat?" He said, "Let's go downstairs and see." So we went to the supermarket near the school gate together. He wanted some preserved plums, and after we bought them, we came out together. He suggested we walk around the playground, thinking it would be good to talk things out and clear up the misunderstandings from before… The playground was still a bit muddy after the snowfall. Walking side by side with him, I felt a mix of emotions, a bittersweet feeling, and a sense of not being able to breathe properly… He took out a preserved plum and asked if I wanted one. I said no, so he ate it. Then he grabbed my hand, and I was startled. I quickly pulled away: “Are you crazy?!” But the more I pulled away, the tighter he gripped it

… I didn’t know why he did this, or what he was thinking. Holding me so tightly, I wanted to cry, and I didn’t know what to say… He pulled me behind a tree in the corner and stood face to face with me. I didn’t dare look up at him. My heart was pounding, and I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to run away, so I turned to leave, but he grabbed me and pulled me tightly into his arms. Feeling his strong chest and powerful arms, was this real? Am I dreaming? Is this really him I've been longing for day and night? My head is spinning… He lowered his head, searching for my lips. I dodged left and right, but he held my head with both hands and kissed my lips. I kept my mouth tightly shut, letting his kisses ravage my lips, but he couldn't pry them open. He pinched my cheeks, oh, it hurt! I was forced to open my mouth, and his tongue slipped into mine. Oh God, I couldn't hold back anymore. My love, my pain, burst forth like a flood. I stopped resisting. I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissed him back, and sucked on his tongue. It was so sweet. My heart was crying: I love you, why did it take you so long… At that moment, there were no words, only our tongues and bodies intertwined for a long, long time… He put his hand inside my shirt. No, I stopped him. He kissed me gently again, and I was lost in the moment. I slowly let go, and his hand covered my breasts. This sensitive place had never been touched by anyone else before. Today, his touch was so painful, and my body twisted uncontrollably. Then he pressed me against the tree and kissed my neck wildly. I tilted my head back and almost screamed. I felt dizzy and my brain was deprived of blood. My legs were rubbing against each other, and my lower body was so itchy. I didn't know what to do. His hard penis was pressing against my stomach. I felt very satisfied. Does this mean you love me too?

他还要拉我的裤子，天呢，这个坚决不从，他往下拉，我就使劲拽住，嘴里哀求道：不要，不要，然后他就把手从后面腰带的缝隙里伸进去，摸了摸pp的上半部分，心想：这个人怎么这样啊，第一次就脱人家裤子……就这样不知过了多久，他说回宿舍吧，我点了点头，但心里一点也不想回，我宁愿和你在这里站一夜，就在你怀里，一刻也不想离开，因为我怕你走了，我就失去了你……他把我送到宿舍门口，然后走向他的宿舍，什么都没说……那一夜睡不着，回味着他的吻，他的拥抱，想着想着下面就湿的一塌糊涂……但我并不渴望拥有他的人，我渴望的是他的心……放假的那些天可真难熬，茶不思，饭不想，总是坐在那发呆，相思虽然苦，但也很甜。

……

终於开学了，走在校园里总是在寻找他的身影，开学后的第一天下午，我在教室自己的座位上发呆，突然他进来了，心脏扑腾地跳的厉害，脸也发热，应该是来找我的吧。他走到我的书桌旁，递给我那本书，说：帮你找到了，宿舍的一个同学拿起来了，我给你要回来了。我害羞地说：谢谢！心里美滋滋的……他转身走了，我赶快翻书，看里面是不是有东西，果然有个纸条，我如获至宝，小心翼翼地拿起来看：晚上9：30操场见！看着这几个隽秀的字，心里有说不出的喜欢，把纸条放在胸口，似乎能感受到写这几个字的他的手……终於熬到晚上9点半，收拾好东西离开了教室，激动地向操场走去，远远地就看见他站在足球网那里，心跳加速，又觉得缺氧了，胸闷，走近他，他拉了我的手带我走向那个漆黑的角落，感受着他的气息，他的体温，周围的空气如此凝重，心悸的我快要瘫倒。

……来到一个大树的后面，他倚在树上，拉我入怀，紧紧地搂着我，狠狠的吻着我，我也饥渴地吞咽着他的口水，滋润我的心田，他在我身上胡乱地摸着，我也用手指狠狠抓他的背，他拉开外衣，让我把手伸进他的衣服里，好温暖，从他结实的胸膛一直抚摸到后背，紧紧地抱住，你如果是我的，那该多好……他也要解我的上衣，我不让，他说：我要感受和你肌肤相亲的感觉。我迟疑了，不再抵抗，他拉开我的外衣，里面的毛衣没法脱，只好和胸罩一起拉到上面，暴露两个咪咪在冰冷的空气中，他低头来吻她，我好紧张，咪咪从来没受过如此待遇，我晕的快站不住了，他紧紧抱着我的腰，我的咪咪头被他吮吸地难受死了，然后他扶我直起身，让我的咪咪贴在他的胸膛，这种感觉太美妙了，我搂着他的脖子，亲吻他的脸，我的嘴唇在对你说：你知道我有多爱你吗？

他的下身一直硬硬地挤压在我身上，后来他又要拉我裤子了，我还是不让，他说：你不想吗？我说：我不敢。他说，我就在外面蹭蹭，不进去。我说那也不行。他继续：隔着衣服行吗？我勉强答应了。他把鸡巴掏出来，让我摸，我不摸，他拉着我的手摸过去，啊！！！天呢，这么大！！！我印象里的鸡巴就是穿开裆裤的小孩子的鸡巴，就算成年了我觉得也就有大拇指那么粗，怎么会有这么大呢，女人的那里那么小，怎么进得去？真的好迷惑！（大家不要笑话我，那之前真的没见过成年男子的鸡巴，那会也不会上网，更不用说看这种图片了。）我把外面的裤子褪到屁股下面，里面的就坚决不脱了，他的鸡巴在我两腿之间穿梭着，时而顶在我那里，啊，好难受，没想到这个肉做的东西还是这么有力量，我呻吟着，情不自禁地扭动着屁股，他很快就射了，紧紧地搂着我，在我肩上喘息，原来男人这时候也需要被疼爱，我好想疼爱你一辈子，看你在我的怀里满足地睡去……其实上次还没写完，只是想把那个伤心的结尾放在这个伤心的话题里，接着上次写……激情过后，我搂着他的腰，脸放在他的肩上，感受他的体温，他的心跳，他的一切都是那么好，但是他说：我有女朋友，所以我不能……我强忍着不哭，故作坚强地说：我知道，只要你开心就好！其实，眼泪已经模糊了眼眶，心如刀割：你在警告我不要缠着你是吗？我不会缠着你的，我相信我自己会好起来的……那一夜又睡不着，眼泪陪了我一整夜……之前提过的那个女同朋友知道了这件事情，非常反对，她骂我：你傻啊！他就是玩儿你而已！她一向爱粗口，我不跟她计较，但是这几个字深深刺痛我的心，我强忍着说：我不在乎！其实我的心已经疼的像烂了一样，好想挖出来扔掉……理智告诉我，我只是他泄慾的工具，他根本不在乎我，不爱我，爱我怎么舍得我难过，不能这样下去了，不停地做思想斗争，最后决定还是放手吧，再也不跟他出去了……就这样痛苦地过了几天，吃不下饭，胃疼，睡不着，头疼，感觉自己快倒下了……这一天，宿舍的另一个女生又带话来了，她男朋友在那个班里，所以经常去他教室里，虽然她也反对我俩，但该带的话还是会告诉我，她说：那个谁谁谁让你晚上9点半老地方见！我说：不去。她说：你自己跟他说去。唉！她们都对我失望了……九点半了，去还是不去，去了肯定是不能完身而退，不去，他会一直等着吗？纠结地一分钟一分钟地熬着，十点了，回宿舍吧，出了教室下了楼，要不去操场看一眼吧，看看他走了吗？来到操场，他还在，还在那里等着……我又心软了，走过去让他回宿舍，他不肯，他又拉我去那个角落，我生气地甩开他的手：我不去！他再次过来抱我：怎么了？我推开他转过头：没怎么！他从后面环腰抱住了我，脸贴着我的脸，啊，怎么办？

我好不容易建立的坚强瞬间都倒塌了，我还是那么喜欢他的怀抱，又呼吸困难了，我的胸一起一伏地深呼吸，他的气息就像一阵迷烟，又让我迷失了，不听使唤地腿又跟着他走向那一排树……狂吻之后，他又要解我的裤子，我坚决不从，他问问什么，我心想：为什么，你不知道吗？我说：我不要做你泄慾的工具。说完后我再也忍不住压抑已久的痛，趴在他的肩上大哭起来，用牙狠狠地咬着他的肩膀……他紧紧地抱着我说：不是的，对不起，都是我不好……哭过之后似乎轻松了许多，我平静之后跟他说：以后不要叫我出来了，我决定放弃了，我好累……他只是沉重地叹气，也不说些什么……先写到这里，都十年了，当我回忆地写下这些字的时候，仍然泪牛满面……转眼间春天来了，植树节那天学校组织去一个有山有水的地方植树，我们排着队走在那个崎岖的荒路上，他的班排着我的班的后面，我时刻都在想，他有没有在后面看着我，只要大脑有空的时候就在想他……我们停在半山腰上，开始种树了，我和同宿舍的几个同学种一棵树，先是挖坑，过了一会，他拿着工具过来了，我一阵欣喜：你终於敢在光天化日之下表现了。他没有直接和我说话，只是一边干活一边和我同学有一搭无一搭的聊着，偶尔瞟我一眼，每一眼都电的我麻麻的，疲惫的神经似乎又有了活力。我同学也知道他是什么来路，很快就种完了一棵树，宿舍同学去别的地方了，就剩下我俩，他说：在树上写上你的名字吧。顿时觉得好幸福，看着他有力刻着我的名字，好想从后面抱住他，对他说：我想你了！

种完之后大家自由活动，我自己就随便溜躂，来到一个石桥上，一会他也溜躂过来，问我：晚上出来好吗？我努力隐藏内心的高兴，说：不去。他呵呵笑了笑，开心地走了。

回学校的时候，我们还是被军绿色的大卡车拉回去，在上车的时候，我发现他一直在跟踪我的身影，最后我上车后，他也紧跟着上了同一辆车，车上挤满了同学，他就站在我旁边，其他的同学都不知道我俩的情况，只有他和我心知肚明，这种感觉有点搞笑，也很幸福，我能清晰地感受到他的气息有些粗重，好想抱住他，好想吻他，吞咽他的口水，他是不是也有同感呢。车拐弯的时候，同学们被甩的挤做一团，我也被迫倒在他身上，他微笑地看着我，我也深情地看了他一眼，赶快站好，掩盖自己的悸动和慌乱，其实已经在联想晚上和他纠缠在一起的感觉了，下面湿的难受……好不容易熬到晚上下了晚自习，我又激动的奔向操场，终於和日思夜想的他抱在一起，但是那些可怜的树都被别人占满了，我俩只好来到一棵松树下面，但没有依靠，地上都是枯草和落叶，我和他站着抱在一起接吻，没有话语，只有舌头在互相倾诉相思之苦：

我还是离不开你，我没有办法控制自己不想你……他吻着我的脖子和咪咪，我后仰着，几乎站不住，他索性把我放到了地上，他脱下他的外衣铺在地上，吻着我把我压了下来，他重重的压在我身上，我第一次感受被压的感觉，我大声地喘息着，呻吟着，他狠狠地吻着我不让我出声，我感觉快要憋死了，努力挣脱把脸扭在一边大口喘气，我克制自己不再那么大声，他用腿分开我的腿，他的那里正好顶在我下面，天呢，好难受，好想要，他用力地撞击我那里，我难受的扭动，他起来解我的裤子，我抓住不让，他说隔着内裤，不进去，我就像被煮的青蛙，水由冷变热，不觉得疼，被他脱的越来越少，我把外面的裤子褪到膝盖上面，只留下内裤，他低头吻着我的大腿，由下向上，我好紧张，害怕又期望他的嘴游走到那里，果然他用嘴用力地亲了我那里，我哆嗦一下，努力不让自己喊出来，两腿摩擦着，他赶紧掏出鸡巴，然后压在我身上，他把鸡巴放在我的两腿之间，顶在我那里，鸡巴的温热传递给我的大腿，鸡巴的力度刺激着我内心最深处的渴望，我吮吸着他的舌头不肯放开，似乎在告诉他我的感受，他陶醉的喘息着，我的心又在流泪了：我爱你，我好想拥有你……进入了五月份，天开始热了，人也开始躁动起来，大家已经不能安份的在教室里晚自习了，都想出来吹一下习习凉风，我也一样，晚上穿上我那舒服实用的分身长裙，上衣和裙子的前面一排扣子，想解几个就解几个，全解开，裙子就落地了，穿上这个以备他的突然袭击……那天晚上，晚自习还没结束，他就来找我了，有点奇怪，跟着他去了操场，走在路上就闻到了酒味，我问他：你喝酒了？他说是，我问为什么，他说一会告诉我，我俩来到一棵树后，他就开始吻我，我推开他说，先说为什么喝酒。他说：我和她分手了！我震惊了一下，当然更多的是欣喜，也有点内疚，我说：是因为我吗？他说不全是，但也是主要原因。

Let me briefly explain: Before our first time, he called his girlfriend. Back then, no one had cell phones, so he used a public phone to call her dorm. He called several times, but her roommates all said she wasn't there. Finally, one of them said, "Don't call anymore. To tell you the truth, she went to city N..." He suddenly realized! There was another guy in that city, probably a rival, I'm not sure. Actually, he used to love her a lot. I heard he once waited for her downstairs for two hours, but she wouldn't come down. I don't know if she loved him at all. Anyway, from what he said, it seemed like she was quite decisive when they broke up... So you only messed with me that time to get revenge on her. You two have your reasons, but I'm the most innocent one. He said, "I'm sorry, I made you suffer..." He seemed much more relaxed, hugged me and tried to kiss me. I deliberately dodged, burying my head in his neck. He started kissing my neck, moving down, kissing my breasts through my clothes. It tickled, so I pushed him away. He started unbuttoning my top and even asked me to take off my bra. I thought it was too much trouble and refused. He had no choice but to pull my bra up and pull me close to his chest. The feeling of skin-to-skin contact made me love him even more. He unbuttoned half of my skirt, lifted it up, and took off my panties, stuffing them into his pocket. He stroked my legs and my buttocks. I loved his hands gently caressing my body. I trembled, yearning. I was already soaking wet. I had no resistance to him. He took out his penis and eagerly placed it inside me, its warmth pressing against my clitoris. Ah! I trembled and hugged him tightly. He grabbed my buttocks, his penis stroking back and forth. It was so uncomfortable. I whimpered softly, biting his shoulder. Every time he reached the entrance, I was so nervous, afraid he would go in, yet also longing for him to go in and release those itchy, uncomfortable cells. Every time he came again, I leaned back, and he pressed powerfully against the entrance. Ah…so good…but he still couldn’t go in. Although it wasn’t completely satisfying, I still enjoyed the feeling. He was embraced by my wet, slippery flesh. Later, he sped up, his breathing becoming heavier. His intense reaction excited me. I squeezed my legs together, giving him the most beautiful feeling. Ah! A cry burst from the bottom of my heart. Warm semen flowed down my legs, all the way to my ankles… His legs were trembling a little. I hugged his waist tightly, letting him calm down slowly…I’m so happy tonight. You’re finally mine… The next day was summer vacation. I was packing my things in the dormitory when he suddenly came. He said he told the gatekeeper he was helping a classmate move her things and that's how he sneaked in. There were two other classmates in the dorm, and after chatting for a while, they wisely left… Whenever he came to see me in front of my classmates, I was especially happy, as if I were telling them: "See, he still cares about me, unlike what you all said about him just playing me…" He closed the door, locked it, and then pinned me to the bed and ravaged me. Later, a classmate knocked on the door, and we quickly stopped. He said, "Let's have dinner together tonight." Ah, I was so happy! We'd been lovers in secret for so long. He had never walked with me on campus in broad daylight. I always wondered if it was because I was someone he couldn't be proud of, so he didn't want to go public. Today he wanted to have dinner with me, and I had another emotional climax… After dinner, we sat on the lawn, leaning on his shoulder. I felt so happy. I'm so clingy to him now, and I'm always sad when we're apart. He said, "Let's spend the night in the classroom tonight. Tomorrow's the holidays, and there won't be anyone in the classroom." I happily agreed because I could spend the night with him, and I didn't want to leave him for a moment.

It was around 11 o'clock, and the campus was gradually emptying out. He said, "Wait here for me, I'll go back and get a mat." He returned quickly, and I followed him to his classroom. He let me go in first, then locked the door from the outside. He climbed in through the window; his t-shirt had a tear, which I later discovered was an L-shape. I joked with him, "Is this a testament to our love?"

The classroom lights weren't on, but the streetlights on campus provided enough light for us to see each other clearly. I was both nervous and excited, my heart pounding. He laid the mat between two desks, pulled me over, and we both took off our shoes and stood on the mat. He started hugging and kissing me, taking off my top until I was only wearing my bra. He knelt down and kissed my shoulders and breasts. I stroked his head, enjoying his caresses, thanking God for letting him love me. He unhooked my bra from behind, and my upper body was suddenly exposed in front of him. He knelt down, hugging my buttocks and sucking on my breasts. I felt uncomfortable... Panting, I lowered my head to kiss his face, searching for his lips. He pulled me down, gesturing for me to sit. He quickly took off his t-shirt, hugged me, and pressed me down. His strong chest pressed against my breasts, the skin-to-skin contact arousing me. We kissed passionately, his lower body pressing powerfully against me—it felt so good. We entangled for a while, then he got up and took off my skirt, then my underwear. My underwear was soaked through. I lay naked in front of him, a little shy, my legs clenched together. He quickly took off all his clothes, spread my legs, and pressed down on me. Ah!!! I can finally feel you completely! His penis slid over my wet spot; she was calling to him. He guided his penis, groping for the entrance. I moved to help him find the right spot. The tip of his penis nestled in my soft hollow, and he began to thrust forcefully. Ah! He went in a little, it hurt a bit, so I quickly backed away, panting heavily. He stopped, and after a while, he said, "I'll be gentler!" Then we tried again. As soon as he touched the entrance, I started to tense up. He lay on top of me, supporting himself with one hand, his other hand on my shoulder, and the other on his penis. He started thrusting in forcefully. I gripped his back, gritting my teeth, waiting for his next attack. Ah… I endured the pain, not pulling back, feeling as if my body was being stretched open. So thick, so thick! He thrust in deeply without any mercy. I gasped for breath, and he stopped. After I caught my breath, I felt less pain. I started kissing him, sucking on his tongue. He started thrusting, and he opened a path of love to the depths of my heart in my virgin territory… I hugged him tightly, feeling so satisfied: I finally have you. Are you comfortable? Do you love me?

He quickly reached his limit, thrusting even deeper into my body with abandon. My tender flesh was ravaged by his furious onslaught. I moaned loudly, waiting for the storm to pass. Although I craved him, I couldn't take it anymore… Finally, he let out a long cry, erupting like a volcano, pounding against me, driving his penis even deeper. Then he calmed down, but his penis continued to throb in waves. Finally, he collapsed onto me, drenched in sweat. He fell asleep

contentedly. Looking at his sleeping face, I felt both familiar and strange. My mind was racing, and I couldn't sleep. I realized then how many mosquitoes were there. With mosquitoes around, I couldn't fall asleep… He began to snore. I quietly got up, put on my clothes, and sat on the windowsill, looking at the streetlights on campus, lost in thought: What should I do? What if he doesn't want me anymore? Then I comforted myself: If you love him, give him to him.

I didn't sleep a wink all night, killing many mosquitoes.

(Word count: 16389)

[The End]

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