Magical power! What a big root

page views:1 Publication date:2023-06-11 19:42:00

"Second Uncle, are you really sure this will work?" I
asked .

"Kid... based on the ingredients of this medicine, it won't kill anyone. But, do you really want to try it?"

My uncle, speaking with a strange Shandong accent, adjusted his reading glasses and frowned as he answered. Damn it, if
he didn't want to try it, why was he even asking? This old man, of all people, was making this stuff sound "so miraculous,"
like he was showing off a treasure...

Oh, right, I forgot to mention, my second uncle runs a traditional Chinese medicine clinic for treating injuries, called the little-known Da Xiao Tang. In Taipei
, clinics with such strange names are everywhere... What we're discussing now is a tattered
adult .

"Aren't you just messing with your nephew? Giving me hope and then acting all troublesome..." I couldn't help but
scold him .

"Kid... I'm not saying this to be mean, but I got this book with a lot of effort, and it's been over twenty years. Whether it's
effective or not has nothing to do with my reputation..." The old man was infuriating, talking incoherently.
What did the book's effectiveness have to do with twenty or thirty years?! Did he think books had an expiration date?

Seriously! If it weren't for all the bad luck I've been having lately, I wouldn't have bothered asking my second uncle for a book.

Anyway, let me tell you about all the bad luck...

Six months ago, I got fired by the newly appointed female boss. Not in bed, but under the table! What a
bastard! I'm twenty-six and three years old, and I got fired by the boss's daughter, who's six years younger than me... It's infuriating
.

Do you know why? Because when I was getting coffee in the break room, I accidentally saw her putting on her underwear...

How did she put it on? I was looking for my lost breasts under the table, and when I looked up, I saw her
putting on her underwear with her bare bottom exposed!

"Hey, hey... little sister... this is the break room...

I guess this is what you call an unexpected disaster... no, an unexpected disaster... do you even need to ask what kind of disaster a woman can have?"

This girl, relying on her dad's money, fired me the very next day without a word.

And that wasn't enough. Four months ago, I broke up with my "ex" girlfriend, whose face was covered in pimples. We
dated for three years, ten months, six days, and forty-three hours... Originally, she should have been content and bored with a handsome
man , but unexpectedly, she secretly dated a black man behind my back...

This... this... the blow to me was too great. A grown man over five feet tall, twenty-five and
four years old, betrayed by this pimple-faced girl, who even started a black hat factory behind my back. Of course, I
immediately and resolutely fired her.

When that bitch came back and packed her things, she kept saying... "I'm a good person in every way, honest and kind
... except that my thing is too small, I can't feel anything at all, damn it! If you hadn't left so fast, I would
have beaten you black and blue, with blood streaming from all seven orifices!" What do you mean honest and kind... ptooey!

I even took out a ruler to measure it, three inches and three cun, isn't that what a three-inch golden lotus looks like? Just the right size for
an Asian iron man, isn't that the standard in Japanese porn? It's only a tiny bit long, don't be so picky
...

It's your own stinky cunt that's too loose, it's not my problem... It's a damn stupid problem, and I'm a handsome
man, over 180cm tall, you're lucky to have me, is that even human?

That's not even the most infuriating part... Over three months ago, my good friend Xiaoming came to visit me.
I was unemployed and alone, far from home... all I had left was this small apartment I'd painstakingly bought with a loan. I was originally planning to
live , but now, fine, Xiaoming had just come to Taipei from Kaohsiung to stay with me, so I had no choice but
to take him in temporarily.

Xiaoming's background is in stocks, futures, options, or something... I don't understand any of that. I'm in hardware
; I only understand hardware stuff. I have no idea about these things.

"Ah-Zhong... in this post-SARS era, you'll make money no matter what you buy. This one, this one... buy from me, you ca
n't go wrong..." Ah-Zhong is my nickname, not Xiaoming, it's my nickname! No mistake. Since Xiaoming and I
have been friends since junior high, I believed he always had a knack for making money, so I followed his advice... and bought some.

But maybe I should really believe that bad luck can make you wet your pants even when you drink cold water...

I don't even know what I bought. A stock is just a small piece of paper, isn't it? "Buy as much as
you want, let the stocks plummet, they'll recover eventually. They can't possibly go into negative territory, right?
But, I'm just so unlucky. In just three days, Xiaoming came to me with a long face, saying he's now
over a ...

" I was terrified! A hallucination! It must be a hallucination... Don't joke with me, you...you...are you kidding
me? Losing my hard-earned savings of a few hundred thousand is one thing, but are you going to take my mortgaged house too?

Xiaoming then just walked away. Damn it...am I just unlucky, or did I make the wrong choice with this scoundrel?!
God ! Someone tell me what happened!

I'm about to collapse in Taipei. I heard the court and the stock market negotiate, how come it's only been less than a week?
Is the efficiency really that good? It's never this efficient before.

They actually came to seize my house… I've never seen yellow ribbons before, only seen in police dramas… It's quite
novel…

Ugh, ugh, ugh… This is the house I bought! Don't auction it off, okay? Come back! Come back here!!

If only banks had some humanity, I'd like to stay… But it seems I really can't make it here anymore. I'm too
ashamed to go home; my father passed away years ago, and he hasn't brought any money home in almost ten years…
After thinking it over , the only option left is to go to my second uncle in Tamsui.

The unassuming Daxiaotang has a pair of stone lions at the entrance, a plaque above the main entrance with a black pine tree and gold-plated ornaments,
and even a couplet on the door… Is it a stand-up comedy place? Wow… such a grand atmosphere, such a small shop.

“Kid… I haven't seen you for twenty and nine years, you've grown quite strong…” My second uncle pinched
my bones, speaking with a strong provincial accent… It's really hard to get used to, neither Chinese nor Western… Strange, wasn't he supposed to be from Shandong?
Why isn't it Western...?

Also, why doesn't my mom speak like that? Is he really born to the same father as my mom?

Business at the shop is pretty good. My uncle is a one-man pharmacist, apprentice pharmacist, and bone setter for sprains and bruises—
all by himself... For now, he didn't ask me much, so I'll stay and help out for a while.

Organizing medicinal herbs and doing rough work are no problem for me, but memorizing classification tables, acupoint charts, and medicinal properties is
exhausting . I'm a hardware engineer; how am I supposed to memorize all this soft stuff? My second uncle was so annoyed with me
that he didn't dare let me into the pharmacy for three months. But with my exceptionally gifted memory, none of this was a problem for me.

I might not be able to remember the names of those awful herbs, but I could remember the hard acupoint and meridian models perfectly.

One day, as usual, after finishing his fourth round of mahjong, my second uncle started drinking alone.
I went over and sneaked a couple of bites of dried pork skin and braised pork, and then I was shocked to find... a tattered book lying under the table leg
.

The lighting here is dim; gambling shouldn't be too open... I brought the book closer to the light.

"What a huge dragon?" What... what's the name? Is it some kind of erotic book? "So tattered...

no, it turns out the book's cover was so worn that ants had cleaned it completely, and even the second page was
mostly , leaving only the words arranged like this.

" I carefully turned to the second page... thankfully, the next page was still new, not torn, shining like new
... This seems to be a hand-translated edition from the early Republican era, a work from the transitional period when ancient books were being translated into vernacular Chinese. I didn't dare
turn to the third page, fearing that the book might suddenly crumble like sand. Just as I was about to ask my second uncle, he had already
turned and gone back to his room to sleep.

"What a huge dragon? Interesting... hehe..." What kind of dragon would be called a "huge dragon"? I
couldn't help but smile lewdly. Hehe... what kind of book is this? I must ask my uncle when he wakes up
.

My second uncle runs a shop all by himself. His wife died early, leaving him no money, so he's
been pretty good to me. Aside from his bad temper, his tendency to hit people, his lack of pay, and his shameless, stingy nature
… he basically treats me, his nephew, like his own son.

I'm in charge of the shop now. Getting medicine is a piece of cake, and I can even secretly treat patients… hehe…

that way I have some pocket money… thankfully, so far, no one's died. But
I don't treat sprains, bruises, or twisted nerves. Watching men groan and wail makes me weak and powerless… I can't
get an erection for half a month, and even masturbation is too strenuous. However, if a young and beautiful woman comes, I might consider
it …

Soon it gets dark. I don't know what's going on with all the Chinese medicine shops, they're all open until the wee hours. So I
have to stay awake until I'm completely dizzy before I can put away the intimidating knives and other weapons in front of the shop and go back to my room to sleep.

Originally, I had almost forgotten about that book, but unexpectedly, when my uncle got up to pee, he happened to be holding it and staring at it
intently .

"Second Uncle... this book..." My second uncle ignored me; he was staring at the book with his eyes wide open. I thought that
the book might have stirred up some old memories for him, and I didn't want to disturb him, but unexpectedly... he just sighed softly
...

"Hmm... the cover seems to have been eaten away by moths..." I slipped and fell hard on the spot, and just as my nose was about to bleed,
my uncle continued speaking.

"Books...books...I searched so hard for you, but you're only good for feeding ants here.
Is this my retribution or your fate?" My second uncle started rambling again. Just as I was about to ask him a question
, he suddenly said a few words clearly and concisely...

"Kid, buy some wine!"

"Yes, Uncle!" Without saying a word, I immediately rode my bicycle towards the old street to buy some side dishes.
My uncle may be stingy, but he's never stingy when it comes to side dishes. He says that drinking should be done comfortably and eating heartily to
get drunk. If you don't enjoy the food and drink, then it's a waste.

I definitely won't skimp on money for him, hehe...I bought a few of my favorite side dishes and some
delicate delicacies, skipping cheap, third-rate items like iron eggs, fish crisps, and a-gei, and spent
over two thousand yuan before finally going home satisfied.

That's the benefit of doing the shopping myself, and one of the only pleasures I have with my uncle.

When I got home, my uncle had already bought a Hobby book cover and put it on the book.

I chuckled to myself. My uncle usually just put it under the table, and this was bound to be the end result, so
what was the point of putting a cover on it? It's not even going to give birth yet! Pshaw... what a waste of time...

My uncle didn't seem to notice that I had spent more than two thousand yuan of his money, nor did he seem to realize that there were a lot of "side dishes" today. The dishes
seemed tasteless to him, and he didn't seem to enjoy drinking at all.

I don't have time to listen to him right now. I only ate a small 15-yuan "A-ge" for dinner, and my stomach is
rumbling . I wish I could stuff all 2,000 yuan into my belly...

Unfortunately... before I could even choke on the crispy pig's trotter from half a roast suckling pig, my uncle started talking about
the history of this book...

"This book... was written at the end of the Eastern Han Dynasty..." My second uncle really has something wrong with his head. He actually
started talking about a story from thousands of years ago. I don't even want to listen to this old story. I'd be dozing off even with my mouth full of vegetable roots
...

"This book is written in an extremely mysterious way, so for thousands of years, no one has been able to successfully cultivate it..." Pshaw... It's
not like it's the I Ching, why make it sound so mysterious...

"Until before the Republic of China, a master translating some of its essence into vernacular Chinese, and only then did someone actually master its
mysteries..."

"Cough...cough...what's so mysterious, Second Uncle..." I suddenly choked on my food, slapped my throat hard
several times, and desperately gulped down some wine, even calling my second uncle "Second Uncle"...

"Hey...it's just some martial arts technique that makes you stand tall and release like a torrent..." I really don't know
how my uncle learned Chinese, but I heard the words "martial arts technique" very clearly.

Pshaw...what era are we living in...but then again, these days people even believe in ghosts, so
what 's wrong with believing in something else? Better safe than sorry!

I often hear these silly things, but I understand them perfectly.

"Wh...what kind of divine technique?" Curiosity is human nature, especially for men.

"This book supposedly can transform a man, making him like a living dragon..."

Wait, can you imagine an old man from Shandong speaking Taiwanese Mandarin while delivering an advertisement? I can't believe my
ears...

A Shandong native from Taiwan, not only mixed with Taiwanese people, but also a cross-strait figure... This is really too much...

"It can make a man's penis last longer, it can be long or short, it's endlessly amazing..."

Such a familiar advertising slogan... but... that "can, long, can, short" really startled me awake. Those... those four words are
truly incredible.

"This book has only existed as a legend in the world of traditional Chinese medicine for a hundred years. No one has ever seen it in person. It took me
many years to finally get my hands on it..." my second uncle said with emotion, his eyes glistening with tears, like
stars streaking across the sky... dazzlingly bright.

"Wh... what? Second Uncle, you had such a wonderful thing, why didn't you tell me sooner?" I
asked, somewhat incredulous.

"Sigh... Your aunt passed away on the third day after I got it... She knew it was a
secret book kept in the boudoir. Back then, your aunt and I were deeply in love... We couldn't bear to part, so I promised her I would never read
or study its contents..." My second uncle once again proved his lack of literary knowledge; he even mispronounced "deeply in love" as
"spy"...

"Then... then... you never thought of taking it out to look at it again?" I asked, increasingly curious.

"Of course I did! I only found it two years ago... Sigh... but it's too late... too late... sigh..."

My second uncle just kept sighing. Of course, I knew he was over sixty and still single, which was why he said that,
but too late... what was too late?

I continued to probe him, determined to uncover the secret of this book while he was still drunk.

"My manhood... it's no longer useful... useless..." Perhaps because of the alcohol, my uncle said softly...

I almost spat out a mouthful of hot soup in his face.

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Magical power! What a big root

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