Desperate Confinement (Episode 1)

page views:1 Publication date:2023-06-11 17:55:39

Chapter 1: My Life is Tragic

A summer night, a warm, humid breeze swept across the city's night sky.

I stood outside the walls of a newly built community called "Xi Hua Yuan" in this urban-rural fringe area, letting the dark green
iron railings and the shadows of the plane trees conceal my figure in the darkness. I took a deep breath, ignoring
the dusty air, the summer heat, trying to steady my breathing and calm my nerves,
but with little effect… My tightly clenched hands were covered in slippery sweat, I could clearly
hear my heart pounding, and feel my bones and joints
cracking from tension…

I stared at Building 23 of "Xi Hua Yuan," a dark, desolate shadow in the night sky, with only
a few scattered lights, telling the story of the almost empty occupancy rate of this common type of newly built community.

…

I forgot to introduce myself, my name is Ishikawa Yue, and I'm currently an unemployed person who has just lost my job.
Just a month ago, I was a real estate agent at a small branch of "Wannian Real Estate" in the Xinkongjiang District
.

Tonight, I'm going to sneak into this community, go to apartment 03 on the 17th floor of building 23, and rape a
high school girl!

...

But the story has to start from the beginning.

My name is Shi Chuanyue. Because "Chuanyue" sounds like "time travel," I've often been given
nicknames and jokes since I was little. Actually, my name has nothing to do with time travel. My dad named me this name
purely because it sounds like "a long river flowing into the sea, a carp leaping over the dragon gate," a good omen.

However, I haven't been able to flow into any sea or leap over any dragon gate. I
grew up in a dilapidated small county town, and my grades were just average from a young age. Except for sports, I didn't have any decent grades in my studies.
I also learned to smoke, skip classes, fight, occasionally play mahjong and poker, and even commit petty theft,
extorting pocket money from elementary school students next door with a few buddies… Although I didn't do anything particularly illegal or disorderly
, sometimes I would carry around a bladed military knife I'd bought online, thinking I was some kind of gangster.

Although I seemed quite bold and good at fighting back then… I never really became a gangster.
After graduating from high school, I left my hometown in a daze and came to this big city, claiming it was to make my way in the world,
but really I just did odd jobs with meager pay. I've worked as a loader, waiter, internet cafe manager, and
furniture installer—basically, all
jobs . My last job was as a real estate agent; after all, these jobs have
low barriers to entry and flexible hours…

Actually, today's big cities in China are teeming with young people like me, living hand to mouth.
After paying rent, utilities, food, shelter, and other necessities, my wallet is often empty
. During that time, I only had one girlfriend on a construction site—a very ordinary one—and it was a quick affair. As for
the sexual desires of a man my age, besides masturbation, I occasionally went to a hair salon to find a shampoo girl for release
.

"Fortunately," my single father passed away at a young age. I know saying "fortunately" doesn't
sound very filial, but financially speaking, it's true. His life savings were left to me a house in
our hometown . Unfortunately, a few years ago, housing prices skyrocketed, even in my small hometown, houses could sell for
hundreds of thousands of yuan. I sold that house, leaving me with 180,000 yuan in savings… I initially thought that as a real estate agent, I
knew the ropes and could gather information, find suitable properties, buy a house in the city, find
a wife and get married… But then I realized I was being foolish. With that amount of money, in a major city in China, I
couldn't even afford a toilet, let alone a house.

I put the money in the bank to earn interest, but housing prices kept rising, and I
regretted selling the house… Two years passed like this, and I became a ridiculous person
—180,000 yuan in savings, but no house, no relatives, no stable job—one of the most
hopeless . Every day, I earnestly introduce Zhang San and Li Si's experiences of buying wedding houses, villas, and improving their living
conditions , persuading people to engage in various speculative financing schemes for buying houses... while I myself can only afford to rent.

Then... I met a girl named "Lulu" online.

Lulu is a high school student studying in the provincial capital, currently in her second year, and also a
female streamer on a live streaming platform.

Okay... I was quite surprised. In my understanding,
singing, acting cute, and playing games in a live streaming room are just considered a pastime or hobby. It turns out that these days,
being a female streamer can be considered a profession or career. Of course, since Lulu is only seventeen
years old and still in high school, it's rare to see such a young girl in a live streaming room, let alone a professional one.

Lulu's live streaming content mostly consists of singing, chatting, and sometimes even doing homework and explaining
exercises. Only occasionally will she perform some simple dance moves. Actually, Lulu's live stream
had very low viewership. At its peak, only two or three hundred people watched simultaneously, and most of the time there were only
a hundred or even a few dozen viewers. Considering
the suspicion , I even doubted that she had more than a few dozen real viewers and fans. Many of the people who flooded the chat
were actually her classmates; it seemed they treated this live streaming platform like their class chat room.

According to Lulu herself, she was a second-year high school student who came to the provincial capital to study after being admitted to the No. 2 High School in the province. For convenience,
she was currently staying at her sister's house in the provincial capital.

The reason I was attracted to this little streamer with low viewership was perhaps simply because everything about Lulu, including her
image, speech, and live streaming content, was particularly pure and student-like, completely untouched by any worldly concerns. At that
time, I also had some free time, and perhaps it was just a connection; she was
a small haven for my soul to relax and unwind after work every day.

Lulu never wears revealing clothes, never wears makeup or jewelry, and
doesn't even know how to use beauty filters. She certainly doesn't intentionally flirt or showcase her femininity.
Occasionally, a few netizens with loose tongues would pass by her room and say some vulgar flirting things. She would blush, frown, and
cover her face, completely like a young girl still in school, secretly peeking at the wonderful world online during her breaks from studying
... Coming from a small county town, I was probably more
attracted to her natural and innocent charm.

Her live stream content was also quite simple. Usually, after school and dinner around eight or nine o'clock, she
would appear in front of the camera wearing her school uniform, chat and laugh with the fans in the live stream room, and start talking about her
homework , teachers, and so on. Sometimes she would even seriously discuss how to solve physics and math problems. The fans (who seemed
to be her classmates) always praised her as the most beautiful girl in the art class at the Second Middle School, and then they would tease her, making her blush
... Occasionally she would sing a song, and only when she was particularly happy would she pull the camera back and perform a few very
basic ballet moves. Her singing voice was average, and her dancing skills weren't exactly professional, but her figure was light
and delicate, exuding a strong sense of youth and artistry. Every time she tiptoed or swung her arms, it was
breathtaking…at least it felt like a dream.

Actually, Lulu's face was quite pretty. She didn't have the typical cookie-cutter V-shaped face of internet celebrities;
instead had a slightly round face with a small, round nose, fair and soft cheeks, and slightly small eyes
that turned into crescent moons when she smiled—quite distinctive. Lulu's overall figure was also quite petite. Besides her round
face , she sometimes even seemed a bit fragile, evoking a
desire and impulse to protect her. She liked to wear a cute side ponytail, simple yet with a touch of playfulness. Her clothing
consisted mainly of school uniforms and sportswear, occasionally a cute plain turtleneck sweater or a loose long-sleeved t-shirt.
Forget about showing any skin below her neck; you couldn't really see anything.

However, this fresh, conservative, and natural campus style made her image and temperament as the class beauty of a top high school
stand out even more, making her even more charming...

At that time, I was really... sigh, looking back now, it was actually a different kind of lustful impulse and
overestimating myself ... I just developed an unrealistic, fantastical affection for this little girl who was clearly more than ten years younger than me.
Every night after work, I would often wait in her live stream until she finished broadcasting, chatting and laughing with her,
opening her private window, sending her comments, and occasionally sending her virtual gifts.

Because there were actually very few people in the live stream, excluding Lulu's classmates, I was one of the few loyal fans, and
Lulu was quite friendly to me. She called me Brother Stone, and I called her Lulu... Besides chatting about all
sorts of things, she would even complain to me that she would be a senior in high school next year and actually wanted to go to an arts school, but her parents and sister disagreed
and insisted that she take the college entrance examination and get a "proper major".

I would also pretend to be knowledgeable, hiding my instinctive violence and shallowness, and offer her some life advice. I would also
rack my brains to share interesting anecdotes from my work, often making her laugh heartily. As a real estate agent
, you always encounter all sorts of different people and all sorts of poignant or amusing life stories.
The Zhang family's divorce was about property, the Li family's alimony dispute was also about property... In the city, these are just the kinds of things that happen,
perfect topics of conversation with this naive young girl. Lulu loved listening to these stories...

At those times, I couldn't help but fantasize that there might be
some kind of .

Later, that live-streaming platform became quite popular for a while, with all sorts of activities and rules going on and on. Lulu said that
her room, which had no viewers, had to climb the rankings, otherwise her assigned
room she would be quite disappointed if that happened.

I was one of her few adult fans, and in a moment of bragging, I boasted that I had just sold a large villa and
received a huge commission. I then showered her room with gifts worth about 1300 yuan to keep it
"active."

Her room was mostly frequented by students, so they probably couldn't compete with me in that respect… My actions were the envy of not only
Lulu several of her regular young fans. I, too, couldn't resist playing the part of a
successful businessman, saying things like "It's nothing" and "Don't worry about it."

Those few days, she was incredibly grateful to me, thanking me privately. From then on, whenever she finished her live stream, she would
occasionally chat with me on WeChat or call me… Her voice, like a nightingale's song, captivated me…

Then, Lulu actually sent me 500 yuan back via WeChat. She said she wasn't after the gifts,
but simply to keep the live stream going. She sang, chatted, danced, and listened to
her classmates' praise in the live stream, which helped make up for her disappointment at not being able to take the art exam due to her parents' pressure. She didn't want me
to spend money , so she took out all her pocket money to return it to me. She knew it wasn't easy for me to earn money, and she wanted to
make up for my loss.

At that moment, I was truly moved.
Although I had already spent it impulsively, and I never thought about regretting it. I never expected Lulu to
compensate me with her own pocket money… I was truly fortunate to have met such a
pure- , and was so beautiful and charming. I declined a bit, but accepted the 500 yuan...
and then , I became even more uncontrollable, showering her with gifts in her room.

During that time, I admit I was a little obsessed; I even neglected my clients, spending all my time in
Lulu's livestream and on WeChat. I truly enjoyed the thrill of her opening my private chat window and messaging me on WeChat every day, like two
intimate lovers whispering sweet nothings to thank me... Every time I sent a gift,
besides sweetly saying "Thank you, Brother Stone" in the livestream, she would always open my private chat window after the broadcast to thank
me, tell me about her life at school, and patiently listen to my continued rambling...

Once, I couldn't resist any longer, perhaps wanting to test her feelings for me, I nervously made
a request . She didn't mind at all, and started occasionally sending me a quick
selfie or two before bed after the broadcast on WeChat.

It was such a private, intimate, even sweet feeling, like a world just for the two of us. Although I'm hesitant
to investigate further, I always feel that when a girl sends a man a specific selfie, it suggests a certain connection between the two of them.
Our relationship has definitely taken a big step forward.

Lulu's selfies are always makeup-free, just bedtime selfies. Simple and pretty, she
smiles at the camera with her crescent-shaped eyes, but the thought that this little girl took these photos just for me before falling asleep in
her room, wearing casual clothes… makes me feel sweetly
intoxicated, my head buzzing with excitement, like I'm in love.

Sometimes, Lulu's selfies aren't even in her usual school uniform, but in her pajamas
after her live stream and shower… While schoolgirl pajamas are definitely not sexy, for a guy like me, the colors, patterns, textures, and the symbolism of purity and privacy in a high school girl's pajamas… might be even more exciting than sexy lingerie . 　　Moreover, the girl's clothes and room are truly exquisite... Lulu's live stream background is her bedroom, which I estimate to be a small room of about 13 or 14 square meters. It's simply yet exquisitely painted, and the background in front of the live stream camera is a small single birchwood bed measuring 1.2 feet. Lulu seems to prefer light blue; sometimes her bed sheets are light blue with cartoon letters, and sometimes they're a more solid blue . There's a light blue Winnie the Pooh lamp on a small bedside table. On the wall is a jasmine-patterned sliding door wardrobe, which looks quite luxurious. Although it's never moved, I imagine Lulu's clothes are neatly and exquisitely arranged inside. Lulu's curtains are a beige plaid woolen style with fleece lining, and they're inlaid with cute little light blue stars. Sometimes, for the sake of the camera effect, there's a huge Shar Pei plush toy on her small bed . 　　Everything was so exquisite, neat, delicate, and romantic… Lulu was very careful. Sometimes , she'd neatly fold her school uniform or sweaters and place them on the bedside table, but throughout the entire shot, there was absolutely no suggestive clothing that female anchors would deliberately include, let alone any lingerie or bras … However, this simplicity, mystery, and warmth only made me more unable to resist fantasizing… 　　At first, I never fantasized about Lulu. I told myself she was a classmate, a friend, a little sister I met by chance ; she was my little angel… I could only cherish her, not defile her… But as our relationship grew closer, one day, perhaps without her noticing, she sent me a full-body selfie. The angle and effect were particularly striking; the lines beneath her thin, white cotton pajamas were incredibly alluring. I then noticed: Lulu's small breasts were surprisingly round, and even under her school uniform , they possessed quite an alluring curve. And Lulu's hips were so firm and full… 　　Nowadays, girls are well-nourished and well-maintained, so they tend to develop better than our generation. Lulu 's figure was generally petite and delicate, but from that angle, from that photo, her breasts, clearly visible beneath her bra and topped with two prominent protrusions that were impossible to look away from… and her waist, so slender, and her cute, round buttocks beneath her pajamas , not at all large, exuding a vibrant, youthful beauty. 　　Then, comparing it to Lulu's fair and delicate skin, unique to a seventeen-year-old girl... that night, I couldn't help myself and started fantasizing about Lulu's body, fantasizing about having sex with her, fantasizing about defiling her, desecrating her, violating her... and in my frenzied masturbation, 　　I ejaculated all over the bed... From that day on, I became more and more excited to send her gifts, and more and more diligent in asking Lulu for selfies. I could only fall asleep after fantasizing about Lulu every day... I imagined her neck, collarbone, veins, chest, breasts, areola, nipples, waist, back, lower abdomen, navel, buttocks, thighs, calves, feet... and even imagined her vagina and buttocks. Of course I've never seen any of this, but I can imagine it. I can take the most beautiful loli-type actress's body that I 've seen , beautify it tenfold, and imagine it as Lulu. Then I can imagine myself holding Lulu, kissing her, and imagining her responding shyly, letting out a childish whimper, covering her face in embarrassment. And then I can continue to caress and enjoy her body, feel her curves, defile her purity , and taste her virginity... because she loves me too, so she willingly offers her body to me for my pleasure. However, I often couldn't wait long before I would uncontrollably ejaculate in a frenzy. I couldn't even reach the more stimulating parts. Sometimes, just thinking about foreplay, imagining her sitting in my lap, her little bottom nudging my genitals, kissing me, letting me touch her breasts through her clothes—I couldn't bear it. My mind would become muddled, and I 'd frantically masturbate until I reached orgasm. Those blasphemous, stimulating, or extreme scenarios wouldn't even have time to surface… The more I fantasized, the more I idealized Lulu's body. I'd never actually seen her, but every detail of her body seemed vividly clear before my eyes—sight, touch, taste…it was all so real and perfect. 　　I didn't have the right to date a great girl; this was the kind of spiritual and physical union I imagined. 　　Of course, as my fantasies about Lulu grew stronger, I couldn't help but tentatively confess . Every day I would send her "good morning," "good after no on," and "good great," and I would pretend to sing to her on WeChat, "Just like this all day, a world for two..." I would start kissing her with emojis, and I would compliment her with slightly flirtatious remarks. I even foolishly sent her a few photos of myself that I thought looked pretty good. 　　Lulu didn't seem to like my overstepping jokes. Sometimes, if I said something a little too suggestive, she would get angry and annoyed, "Stone Bro, if you keep doing this, I won't talk to you anymore!" But this pure, lovely, and innocent demeanor only made my feelings for her stronger. Subconsciously, I idealized as an untainted fairy, a gift from God to me, the loser. 　　... Then, when I came to my senses, I realized I had already spent 350,000 yuan 　　in Lulu's live stream ! 　　...

Yes, it really happened without me even realizing it. Although Lulu kept advising me not to spend so much on gifts,
maybe it was because her thanks were always so sincere; maybe it was because she
interacted with me every time I sent a gift, and I didn't feel much pressure each time I sent a gift—sometimes it was tens of yuan,
sometimes hundreds, occasionally thousands…

Anyway, when I felt the immense pressure and checked my account, it was like a dream… I
had spent 350,000 yuan! Besides the 180,000 yuan inheritance my father left me, the rest
was from several credit cards I had overdrawn, and even some client deposits I had misappropriated.

Humans really are good at escaping. Of course, I knew I was broke, but
as long as the company and clients weren't pressuring me more and more, I could continue to live a life of decadence and avoidance. Because
as long as I kept sending gifts, I could play another version of myself with Lulu—not a useless,
urban loser real estate agent, but someone
"capable and resourceful" who could offer her support, dreams, and trust. That feeling was so good, I couldn't stop. Stopping felt like losing my dream,
losing everything…

Lulu wanted to climb the rankings, I sent gifts! Lulu wanted to be featured, I sent gifts! Lulu wanted to be on the homepage, I sent gifts! Lulu wanted to
participate in activities, I sent gifts! Not to mention Lulu's admiration and dependence on me, even her classmates in her room
clearly respected and envied me. In their student eyes, I was different from the students—
a successful adult, exuding maturity, pride, and success.

…Although, besides my meager salary and commissions, I actually had no other source of income.
Looking back on all of this now, Alibaba seems like a fucking absurd joke.

It wasn't until a client noticed something amiss and contacted my workplace that my company fired me without hesitation,
severed ties with me, and sent me a lawyer's letter demanding repayment of the deposits. In my frantic rush,
borrowing money and searching for work, I finally woke up from my dream and realized the enormity of my mistake.

But I can't blame Lulu; it was all my own choice. Lulu never pressured me, or even
actively asked me to… However, my most serious problem now isn't the company chasing me for payment,
but … I simply can't afford to send any more gifts.

My cash is long gone, all my credit cards are locked, and my last bit of money has been spent on virtual
gifts…

That platform is holding some kind of offline carnival event, where streamers with a certain level of activity points can be
invited. Lulu is a small, unknown streamer, but because she still dreams of being in the entertainment industry, and the event involves
media , she really wants to go, perhaps hoping for a chance… This time, she
did tentatively ask me apologetically, but… I really can't afford to send any more gifts.

Perhaps it was a momentary lapse of judgment, or perhaps it was the panic of waking up from a dream that caused my movements to become distorted. That day,
I finally managed to "meet up with Lulu for tea" and have a chat...

I numbed myself, hoping it would be a date, a turning point in our relationship.
The scene was something like this:

I would meet Lulu in a coffee shop. Of course, she would be dressed up beautifully and charmingly. Then,
like a mature older brother in a Korean drama, I would have a heartfelt yet domineering and handsome chat with her, telling her that everything on the live streaming
platform was just marketing, that she should focus on her studies and not get addicted to it, that she would be a senior in high school next year and
should study hard to get into university, or... that she should confront her parents and
go for it if she wanted to take the art exam. As for me, I would still be there in the live streaming room to accompany her and take care of her, but I would stop playing those vain
games. She'll probably be touched. She must already have feelings for me. A seventeen-year-old girl should be
experiencing her first stirrings of love, with a heart capable of appreciating romance, beginning to understand matters between men and women. In today's
information-rich society, even a pure girl like Lulu should understand what love is.

She might already be infatuated with me. She might shyly confess to me, telling me she doesn't understand anything,
knows nothing, but will listen to me. Then, she'll shyly hint that she's still young and hasn't thought much about
those things. When she says this, she'll secretly look at me, afraid I'll get angry—that would be
incredibly cute and charming… Then, I'll generously tell her I can wait for her to grow up, until she graduates from university.
She'll be very happy…

Then, I'll ask her out a few more times, and finally, one day, she won't be able to resist, and we'll
share our first kiss in a dimly lit corner. She would offer her lips—those delicate, thin,
melodious, and lovely
lips she had never offered to a man before. I would sprinkle a gentle yet firm touch of my emotions onto her lips, etching my mark. Perhaps… during the kiss, taking advantage of her infatuation, I might, for the first time,
touch her intoxicating breasts through her sweater, or caress her firm buttocks through her jeans—a
physical contact I'd longed for. I'd wanted to truly feel the elasticity of Lulu's body…

Then, at that moment, I would hold her close, with fearless courage and a nonchalant tone,
and tell her: I've spent hundreds of thousands for her. She would let out a soft moan and throw herself into my arms, saying it was all her fault,
begging for my forgiveness, saying she was sorry. I would generously tell her: Money can be earned again, but our love
will last forever. Then, she would be incredibly shy, but to express her apology and gratitude, she would kiss
me, caress me, and even rub her breasts and genitals against me,
just like young couples secretly doing under the shade of a tree. Because the best
gift was her body.

A few days later, after she went to university, I would go to a clean little hotel and personally unbutton her
clothes, unhook her bra, and remove her panties that tightly hugged her buttocks, thoroughly observing
all her secrets, all her tenderness, all her delicacy. Then I would caress and
kiss , using my hands and my lips to assert my dominance over her body… until she was passionate,
until she melted like a hot spring, until she began to dazedly lie on top of me… Finally, only then could I…
With my powerful and masculine penis, I would explore her shameful, virginal honey pot, probing deep into her pink, juicy
flesh… I would be very gentle, leaving a few silky, bloody marks and the slight pain
on her face as she lost her virginity, leading Lulu and me into a completely new world for two.

…Thinking about it now, aren't those presumptuous, loser men who think with their lower bodies often ridiculously
indulging in their own fantasies?

In fact, that "date" was nothing like what I imagined; it was absolutely terrible.

Lulu seemed dissatisfied with my appearance and my eager intentions… In the coffee shop, we chatted
for a while, and I mentioned my feelings for her, but the atmosphere was a bit awkward… It was obvious she was just being polite;
the disappointment of a city girl meeting a boring, working-class online friend was unmistakable. She was still
very cute, chatting and laughing, but the first half of her words consisted of only one thing: she really wanted to go to that
carnival. And… she seemed very clever. From my expression, she could tell that I was
at my wit's end and couldn't support her anymore. So, the second half of her words actually conveyed another simple message: she
had homework to review and was leaving… All my carefully prepared lines never got a chance to be uttered.

That day, I walked back to my rented room in a daze, as if drunk.

The dream ended just like that. Waking up, my whole body ached terribly.

Despair, frustration, anger, and humiliation surged into my heart. Not towards Lulu, but towards my own ridiculousness.
Why didn't I think of that before?! How utterly ridiculous a fool I was!

She was seventeen, I was twenty-five.

She was born in a big city, I was born in an unknown small county.

She was in her second year of high school, and at a prestigious school at that. Whether she went to art school or not, she had a bright future… I
only had a worthless high school diploma.

She had a bright future, while I was just a stupid real estate agent… and bankrupt at that.

She was so beautiful… and I was so ordinary, even pathetic.

She showed me the beauty of a world, but forgot to remind me: that splendor was not something I
deserved . Her life might have been a flower-lined country lane, and I was just
a frog she stumbled upon on the roadside; my life, on the other hand, was like a coffee table piled high with tragedies.

The more I thought about it, the worse that meeting seemed. Didn't I realize my
clothes and shoes weren't designer brands? Did I pay attention to my outfit? Was I too vulgar, lacking
any manners? Didn't I realize that even the simple act of ordering a coffee exposed my
poverty and low social standing as a working-class city dweller? Didn't I realize that besides surviving a few more years in this world
, I had nothing to boast about or display?

I actually wanted to pursue the prettiest girl in a top high school? And a year-long relationship at that? Did I think I was some kind of tycoon
? I was so absurd, fantasizing about what might happen between her and me… and
the foundation of all these ridiculous sexual fantasies was the last bit of inheritance my father left me and
the debts .

Despair, frustration, anger, humiliation. I truly understood the meaning of a “tragic life” to the core
.

Humans are so ridiculous. Then, perhaps to escape the pain of the real world, for those few days,
instead of masturbated even more frantically, fantasizing about Lulu masturbating wildly. And
the scenarios in my fantasies became increasingly exaggerated, intense, perverse, evil, crazy, and boundless. That anger, humiliation,
despair, and frustration evolved into increasingly desecrating lustful thoughts about Lulu.

I began to fantasize not about “making love” with her, but about “raping” her, even “raping”
her, humiliating her, and torturing her. My fantasies ranged from erotic novels to pornographic films, even to the extreme fantasies
in the . Sometimes, Lulu becomes a bound girl, tied
up and raped by me in the most lewd ways; sometimes, Lulu is dragged to my filthy rented room and imprisoned,
helplessly serving me in distress and pain; sometimes, Lulu becomes some kind of female knight or nurse,
her clothes and identity constantly becoming more fantastical and exciting; sometimes, Lulu even becomes my sister, my
daughter, calling me brother, calling me father, and committing incest with me... In short, the more intense and brutal,
the better. Each time, the final outcome was always the same: under some form of violence or coercion, she was forced to
cry, feel ashamed, despair, and suffer, using her purest body to perform the most
humiliating I would play with her breasts, and I increasingly fantasized about her crying as she
performed oral sex on me, and out of fear and helplessness, she would eventually stick out her delicate little buttocks like a puppy, making it easier for me
to penetrate her… And I would penetrate her body in the most shameful position, listen to her pleasure, enjoy her loss of
virginity … and then… comfort my own humiliated and desperate self-esteem.

Sometimes, I fantasize that she finally realizes it's all her fault, then kneels before me,
begging for my forgiveness. She humbly and humiliatingly removes her school uniform, wearing only her innocent yet alluring lingerie,
rubbing her breasts and vulva against me, torturing herself to give me pleasure, begging me to enjoy her body to
atone for her mistakes… In that scene, I sneer, I'm dismissive; she continues to beg, I continue to
be dismissive … Finally, she can only climb on top of me, forcefully sitting down, willingly using
the bright red of her virgin blood and her tender screams of deflowering to console my dignity…

My fantasies about Lulu have evolved from tender, warm, and mutually agreeable lovemaking
into a frenzied, stimulating, perverse, and utterly depraved act.

In my fantasies, during masturbation and orgasm, I gain my last shred of dignity.

But in the real world, I feel even more embarrassed and humiliated.

Lulu seemed to realize that I was actually a tall, strapping, penniless guy who couldn't afford to buy her any
gifts anymore. Or perhaps she had never thought of it before, but as I desperately tried to get something out of her with
my words , she began to notice my vulgarity and lust, and she became increasingly open about
expressing her disgust. She was practically stating it outright: she was a high school student, not yet an adult, and all information about...
All romantic advances were blasphemous and insulting to her… It was all just my own wishful thinking. I
should mature and stop this.

I was like a fool. I laughed wildly, I masturbated frantically, I was disheveled, and I kept masturbating… I
really was a fool.

I started stroking my sharpened military dagger.

The more desperate a person is, the more insane they become, and the more irrational their actions become… Until the day before yesterday, I gave her a final
gift of 1000 yuan, then messaged her privately and told her that I liked her, loved her, and
wanted to be with her… hoping she would give me a chance.

She returned my money and sent me a long, heartfelt message, telling me she was still young and
wouldn't consider such things, expressing her apologies for causing me misunderstanding. She continued,

"Brother Stone, I hope we can still be friends, but my classmates say that in this situation, saying
'let's be friends' is a hint that could easily lead to further misunderstandings and confusion. We should both be more
mature . My words, actions, even an expression shouldn't disturb your life or cause you more
misunderstandings. So I've decided to stop contacting you, hoping for your understanding. I hope this immature
little decision will become a slightly awkward, yet sweet and warm memory in your future life. When you're laughing and talking with your future wife and children, you
can remember me, this mischievous girl who was just a passerby in your life… I'm
so sorry."

How beautifully she wrote it, how mature, how considerate, how romantic, even using the formal "you"... and then, she blocked me.

I was taught by a seventeen-year-old girl, in a gentle yet educational tone, how to be a person,
how to handle relationships correctly, how to mature…

I squandered everything my father left me; I still owe seven credit cards and a loan from a small loan company.
What I left behind… was a memory of a seventeen-year-old girl teaching me how to be a person.

Actually, I know very well that all of this is my own doing, and I can't blame Lulu. It was my own
stupidity, lust, fantasies, immaturity, ignorance, unrealistic expectations, and irresponsibility that led to
this situation. I was a lolicon, I had erotic dreams, I read too many romance novels or watched too many pornographic films, I was
a toad trying to eat swan meat, attempting to possess a girl I didn't deserve… I never faced
the gap between my social class and my desires. It was my vanity, my pretense of wealth, my lack of self-control… I
fantasized… that I deserved the love of a pure, artistic, and beautiful girl.

Lulu never lied to me… didn't she? Even if she was a bit vain,
she showed some deliberate gratitude and
goodwill when she received my gift … but she never said anything about repaying me with her body or anything like that. In fact, she was very careful with her words, never even saying "I like you." Was I just deceiving myself…?

But, when a person reaches this point, if they don't find an object to vent their anger on, could they really… commit suicide?!

…

At this moment, I truly understand the saying, "My life is like a coffee table, covered with
tragedies"… People can joke about this, but only those truly abandoned by life
can truly appreciate the sorrow, despair, and deep self-mockery within it.

I can't face all of this, just like every time I can't face it and choose to escape…
I continue to choose to escape. Like someone who sings terribly going to karaoke and sometimes deliberately
singing louder and more off-key, I just want to make everything worse, more chaotic, more
absurd, to cover up my previous awfulness, chaos, and absurdity.

I found out that Lulu was staying in the same neighborhood as her sister… I took with me the sharpened triangular bayonet
that had been with me for years, yet had also been hidden under my bed for just as long…

I was already despairing of my life, which was as worthless as a coffee table. I didn't have the courage to face the humiliation life had inflicted upon me.

I was going to sneak into Lulu's room, I was going to rape her! I was going to fulfill my lewd sexual fantasies,
I was going to use her virgin blood and the rest of my life to atone for my tragic, coffee table-like existence!

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Desperate Confinement (Episode 1)

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