My charming wife was raped

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When I met my wife, Qiu Ni, I was a graduate student at Shanghai Jiao Tong University, already in my early thirties. Qiu Ni worked for a state-owned enterprise in Shanghai; she was three years younger than me, kind-hearted, and gentle. After graduating, I stayed on to teach at the university, and three months later, Qiu Ni and I got married. Because of our age, we both longed to have a child as soon as possible. However, just six months after our marriage, due to my outstanding professional performance, the university sent me to Germany for a year of further study, and we had to postpone having a child.
I thought that after going abroad, my love for Qiu Ni would grow even stronger through our correspondence, but almost a month had passed in Germany, and I hadn't received a single word from her.

Just when I was feeling restless, my supervisor, Professor Jacques, suggested that I extend my studies for another year, and that I could bring my wife over under the pretext of accompanying her. I was overjoyed and immediately called Qiu Ni to tell her. Qiu Ni seemed very surprised when she received my call. I shouted, "It's me, Erzhong!" But she didn't speak. After a while, suppressed sobs came through the receiver. My heart sank; I had a premonition that something terrible had happened. I asked, "What's wrong? Tell me quickly."

But she remained silent, just crying incessantly. Seeing that I couldn't get any information, I quickly told her about coming to Germany. I said, "I'll get your travel documents sorted out right away. Come quickly; everything will be alright once you come here." Unexpectedly, she said haltingly, "Erzhong, forget me. I won't go to Germany. I want a divorce." I felt a wave of dizziness. My first thought was that she was having an affair. I pressed her to tell me if she had someone else in her heart. After a long silence, she said, "Even if I do, I'm sorry."

I knew my wife's character; I didn't believe she was the kind of woman who couldn't bear loneliness. And why was she so heartbroken when she told me all this? I quickly wrote her another letter, hoping she would tell me the truth. Three days later, I called her again, but as soon as she heard my voice, she hung up. I called her sister, who just cried and told me that Qiu Ni had made up her mind to leave me and that I shouldn't bother her anymore.

I finally cut off all contact with Qiu Ni, but I felt incredibly lost. In September 1997, I accepted the condition of extending my studies for another year and continued to study and conduct research in Germany. The days passed quietly, but my wound remained hidden in the most sensitive corner of my heart; the slightest touch would cause excruciating pain.

I devoted myself wholeheartedly to my studies and research, and finally completed all my credits three months ahead of schedule. In June 1998, without informing anyone, I quietly returned to Shanghai. I wanted to find Qiu Ni and see what had happened.

Our old home still had the decorations from our wedding, but it was covered in dust, clearly uninhabited for a long time. I walked towards Qiu Ni's sister's house. When her sister saw me, she didn't even have time to be surprised before tears streamed down her face. She said, "I thought you would never come to see us again." She pulled my arm and sat down. "Qiu Ni is just unlucky. Even if you don't want her, we can't say anything." Then, her sister told me the whole story…

It turned out that a week after I left the country, Qiu Ni was raped by three thugs on her way to her night shift. The following month, she discovered she was pregnant! She went to the hospital to have an abortion, but to her utter shock, the hospital said that due to a congenital condition, she couldn't have an abortion at all; otherwise, it would induce habitual miscarriages, leading to future infertility. The worst part was that Qiu Ni didn't know if the child was mine from before I left the country, or the thugs' illegitimate child. If it was my child, she would never be able to have children again after the abortion. After much deliberation, Qiu Ni decided to give birth to the child before divorcing me: if it was my child, she would spend the rest of her life raising it, and with this fruit of love by her side, she would no longer feel lonely; if it wasn't my child, it wouldn't be a burden on me, and she would quietly leave with the child…

However

, after the child was born, Qiu Ni fainted on the spot after just one glance—the child didn't look like me at all! While still in her postpartum period, Qiu Ni took the child to have her blood type tested. Qiu Ni and I are both blood type B, but the child's blood type is AB; she was indeed the bitter fruit left behind by Qiu Ni's rape. As

Qiu Ni's sister recounted this, I was already in tears, my heart breaking. Entering Qiu Ni's room, the first thing I saw was the child: a baby girl less than a year old, her eyes tightly closed, sleeping soundly. The child's nose bridge was low, unlike ours. This cruel reality made me clench my fists, and tears welled up again.

Just then, Qiu Ni entered the room. Upon seeing me, she stood there blankly, her eyes filled with bitterness, guilt, and pain… After such a long separation, who would have imagined it would turn out like this? I stepped forward, exhausted, wanting to embrace her, but she pulled away. She looked at me with pleading eyes, and I pulled her back, pressing her head against my chest. I said, “It’s my fault. I didn’t protect you, so please come back with me.” I felt her sobbing; at first, it was just a soft cry, but gradually, her whole body trembled, and her previously stiff arms slowly wrapped around my waist. Finally, her tears flowed like a burst dam. She hugged me tightly, letting her tears fall freely onto my chest.

After returning from Germany, I was assigned a one-bedroom apartment. A month later, Qiu Ni returned with me to our new home at the school. Qiu Ni’s return with her child made me acutely aware of the puzzled and complicated looks from my colleagues, making me extremely embarrassed. So I tried to avoid crowded places, and even when walking on the street, I always kept my head down, afraid of bumping into acquaintances.

As the child grew day by day, Qiu Ni's maternal instincts only made me feel ashamed. Therefore, I didn't like seeing this child, and as time went on, my aversion to her deepened. Qiu Ni named her Diandian, and the child took her surname, Qiu.

In the blink of an eye, Diandian was already three years old. Usually, she called me "Dad," but I didn't respond readily. She seemed to sense that I wasn't someone who loved her that much. She was afraid of me, and gradually, I noticed that she always seemed timid when she called me. She would never ask me to do something that Qiu Ni could. I admit, whenever Diandian called me "Dad," my stomach would immediately cramp, and I would feel extremely uncomfortable. Fortunately, my work was always very busy, giving me countless excuses to stay in the lab.

One day in October 2000, Qiu Ni woke up late and stopped me, wanting me to take Diandian to daycare. Dian Dian stood behind Qiu Ni, her little hands clutching Qiu Ni's clothes, looking up at me expectantly. Almost without thinking, I frowned. In that instant, I saw Dian Dian lower her head in a panic, tears welling up in her eyes. Qiu Ni noticed Dian Dian's expression too. She sighed softly, hugged the child, and said to me, "I'll go take her." With that, she unlocked the door and went downstairs. My mouth opened and closed, but I couldn't say anything.

The child nestled on Qiu Ni's shoulder, her fingers in her mouth, silently watching me. I mechanically raised my hand and waved at her. Unexpectedly, this small gesture suddenly ignited Dian Dian's enthusiasm. She was overjoyed, waving her little hand and shouting loudly, "Goodbye, Daddy, goodbye!" My heart skipped a beat. That day, the sound of Dian Dian saying goodbye kept echoing in my ears.

As soon as I got off work in the afternoon, I went to the daycare early. I didn't know where Dian Dian's classroom was, and I had to ask around to find it on the third floor. I peered through the window and saw Dian Dian squatting in a corner of the classroom, diligently arranging building blocks. The teacher, seeing that I was a stranger, came out and asked whose parent I was. At that moment, Dian Dian heard my voice, turned her head, and looked at me as if she couldn't believe it. The teacher called her name, and she walked over, both happy and shy, as if she was very embarrassed. That evening, when Qiu Ni came home, her expression was so full of surprise. She asked Dian Dian, "Did Daddy pick you up?" Dian Dian looked at me and nodded excitedly. "Is Daddy nice?" Qiu Ni asked. "Yes!" Dian Dian answered loudly. I didn't say a word. I knew I should be nicer to Dian Dian; after all, she was just a child. "Children are innocent!" I heard this heart-stirring voice, which surged forth, transcending all narrow emotions

.

In the summer of 2001, Qiu Ni went to the hospital for a checkup, and the doctor told her she could get pregnant again. I was overjoyed when she told me this news. To prepare Diandian, Qiu Ni asked her if she wanted another little sister or brother, and Diandian happily said, "Yes! Yes!"

At this time, Diandian was already over four years old. Although my attitude towards her had softened somewhat, her background was still a heavy weight on my heart. Because of me, a strict and rarely gentle "father," she had always been very obedient and sensible, but a child's mischievous nature could never be suppressed. Whenever she did something wrong, I found myself hard to tolerate, often flying into a rage and unwilling to forgive her easily. After the storm, I would often feel pain and self-blame, because I knew that I had hurt not only the child but also Qiu Ni.

At this time, Professor Jacques, my mentor from my studies in Germany, came to our department to give lectures. Facing Jacques, I felt a desire to confide in him. I wanted to tell him this for two reasons: first, because he came from a foreign land and would be leaving soon, so he wouldn't cause trouble among my colleagues; second, because he was kind and approachable, and had given me a lot of care and help when I was in Germany.

Jacques listened quietly as I finished my story. After I calmed down, he took my hand and said, "Li, I want to tell you a true story."

He was talking about what happened in Germany after World War II: A Nazi war criminal was executed, and his wife, unable to bear the humiliation, hanged herself outside her window. The next day, the neighbors came out and saw the poor woman. The window was open, and her two-year-old child was reaching out to climb towards his mother hanging from the window frame. Seeing another tragedy about to unfold, people held their breath. At that moment, a woman named Aina rushed upstairs without hesitation and saved the child from imminent death. She adopted the child, while her husband had been executed in the street by the child's father for helping Jews. No one in the neighborhood understood Aina, and no one even agreed to let the child stay in their neighborhood. They told her to send the child to an orphanage or abandon him. Aina refused, so people threw filth and insults at her windows day and night. Even her own children didn't understand her; they frequently ran away from home and, along with their friends, threw stones at their mother. But Aina always held the child tightly in her arms, and the words she said most often were, "You are so beautiful, you are a little angel."

Gradually, the child grew up. The neighbors' actions became less extreme, but they still often called him a Nazi, and children his age wouldn't play with him. He became eccentric, often taking pleasure in destroying other people's property. Until one day, he broke a child's ribs, and the neighbors secretly took him to a reformatory several kilometers away. Two weeks later, Aina, almost driven mad, finally found her child. When they reappeared before their angry neighbors, Aina held the child tightly, murmuring, "The child is innocent."

It was then that the child learned of his origins; he wept bitterly, filled with remorse. Aina told him the best way he could make amends was to genuinely help others. From then on, he worked hard and excelled in everything he did. Most importantly, he became incredibly caring towards others. Upon graduating from high school, he received the best gift of his life—a representative from each of his neighbors attended his graduation ceremony.

"That child was me," Jacob said, his eyes brimming with tears. "The child is innocent. Lee, you can't let this ruin the child, and ruin your own life." Jacob's hand was warm; I could hardly believe what I was hearing! "To repay my mother, after I got married, I adopted the daughter of a murderer. Aina was overjoyed when she found out. She said, 'All life should be respected. The child is innocent!'" I was speechless with emotion. Jacques only had one daughter and two sons. In my memory, he doted on his daughter Lena far more than his sons, and Lena seemed closer to him than her brothers.

"Does Lena know about her background?" I asked. "Yes, her biological mother is still alive, but she's dying of AIDS. We often take her to see her mother."

I lowered my head, feeling a new kind of pressure in my heart. I never knew that after experiencing immense suffering, human emotions could reach such a perfect, such a moving level.

That night, I said to Qiu Ni, "We're getting old, and your health isn't good. There might be danger during childbirth. Let's not have children." She looked at me, her face full of confusion. I said, "Let me tell you a story..." This was the story Jacques had told me. After I finished, Qiu Ni and I hugged each other tightly. We knew that our family would no longer be in turmoil.

In the winter of 2002, to provide Dian Dian with a better environment to grow up in, our family left Shanghai, and I accepted an invitation to teach at a university in Wuhan. In this new city where no one knew us, I no longer had to worry about those strange looks. I could laugh heartily, lift Dian Dian high above my head, and let her squeal on my shoulders. Moreover, I changed Dian Dian's name to Li Liana, which became her nickname. In the days to come, I would do everything in my power to make Dian Dian forget that I had been an inadequate father, and I would let her grow up in happiness and joy. I knew this was the happy life Qiu Ni most wanted to see

…

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