ambiguous

page views:1 Publication date:2023-06-11 15:58:33

It takes about ten minutes to drive from school to where I live, including navigating winding alleys and spending time scrutinizing old, worn-out house numbers. Actually, my place isn't far; it's just one alley away from the bustling area. In fact, when I loudly announced my address, someone once remarked, "Not bad, that's a rich person's neighborhood."
Despite this, just one alley separates two completely different worlds.
Outside the alley are towering skyscrapers, department stores, bustling traffic, and the boisterous chatter of trendy girls—a prime location everyone envies, with land prices reaching hundreds of thousands per ping (a unit of area measurement). No wonder my classmates often suspect I've struck it rich.
But when you have the chance to slip into the alley while shopping, you'll find everything completely different. The skyscrapers are replaced by low-rise apartments and bungalows, the pretty girls by amiable middle-aged women, and the cacophony of traffic is muted—you can't hear a thing.
Most of the time, it's very quiet here. The houses on both sides of the alley are lined with mango, papaya, or mulberry trees, their leaves rustling in the wind. Bougainvillea vines climb all over the houses, blooming with fiery red flowers in summer. This place, like a paradise, costs only a third of what it would outside the alley. This is Taipei.
I came here because I didn't get a dorm in my sophomore year. Most of my roommates and classmates lived in apartments near the school for convenient transportation, but I didn't care. Since I was going to live here for a year or two, I couldn't just settle for anything.
"What kind of place are you looking for?" Most of my classmates couldn't understand my thinking. They thought that if I couldn't even find a place to live, how could I expect a quality environment?
The place I was looking for was actually very simple: I wanted a place where I could feel like I had escaped the chaotic world, yet I could easily walk to a 7-Eleven in another alley to buy instant noodles.
I live in a two-story bungalow. The landlords are an elderly couple whose children have moved away, so they rent out the vacant rooms to students. However, because the location is far from the school, not many students pay attention to it, which is exactly what I like about it.
The elderly couple lives on the first floor, and there are two other rooms on the second floor. One is naturally my room, while the other, perhaps due to insufficient advertising or its distance from the school, remains unrented. The elderly couple doesn't seem to mind, so for two years since I moved in, I've essentially been paying rent for one room while enjoying the amenities of two.
I actually prefer the other room. The bougainvillea there climbs so densely towards the sunlight that it almost seems to envelop the entire house. This room has a balcony, and every day I go there to let the warm sun shine on my face, feeling like I'm photosynthesizing alongside the vines. But because of the price, I chose the room I currently live in. My room is backlit, making it darker and damper than the other room, so I often secretly hope that this sunny and plant-filled room won't be rented out.
Until 1998, my final year of university, I naturally renewed my lease with the landlord, only to be told that the room had finally been rented out.
"Rented out? You mean…you found a tenant?"
"Yes, leaving a room empty isn't a solution…" The old man seemed quite satisfied with the outcome.
That sunlit room ultimately couldn't accompany me through the rest of my university life. By the time school started, its door was tightly shut, preventing me from trimming the vines on the balcony. The few rays of sunlight that used to filter into my room were now blocked, as if I had been deprived of my breath. For a while, I was incredibly depressed because of this.
I regretted giving up my dream room to save a few hundred dollars in rent. I hated the landlord's greed, I hated 1998, though at the time I didn't know that this year would change my life, unlocking a part of my heart that had never been opened before. Of
course, I didn't understand then; I was just envious of the new tenants who were about to arrive.

[Ambiguous] - 2
The new tenants appeared in mid-October. The weather was no longer so hot due to the arrival of autumn. I was taking a nap in my room when they arrived. The clattering sound of luggage being moved woke me up, and I couldn't help but push open the door to see what was going on.
"Hey, what are you doing?"
Being woken up was very annoying, especially when I opened the door and saw clothes scattered all over the floor and a bewildered girl sitting on the floor.
"I'm... I'm sorry." The girl blushed and kept apologizing to me. The clothes she was holding fell to the floor again due to the sudden fright. It seems that the new tenants are a bit clueless.
I squatted down and helped her pick up her clothes: "You're the new tenants?"
"Yeah, yeah," she nodded stupidly again: "This place is really nice. Our room can get sunshine."
Of course, you stole my sunshine. "Oh, well, congratulations." I said with a little envy.
"Hehe, actually, it's Jing who likes it here. Otherwise, I wouldn't want to live here; it's so far from school..." The girl pouted. The person she was talking about must be another tenant. The landlady had told me that two people would be sharing this room.
"Jing?" "Jing is Jing." The girl didn't answer me directly. "Jing said the environment here is very quiet. He likes to live in places like this, where there's no competition. He prefers places without electricity or running water..."
It seems this 'Jing' is quite similar to me, at least our tastes in housing are quite similar.
"And there are vines climbing all over the house outside," the girl chattered on and on, as if she hadn't spoken for three days and three nights. "Jing likes these plants. What's this plant called again... nine... nine-basil!"
I almost laughed out loud. This girl is really something else. "It's bougainvillea, right?"
"Yes, yes, bougainvillea. Don't tell Jing later, or she'll scold me for being brainless."
It seems this 'Jing' and I will get along very well; even our thoughts are so similar.
"Hey, girl..." A shout suddenly came from downstairs. The girl jumped up from the clothes scattered on the floor with a thud, quickly picking them up while shouting down, "Jing, I'm here... here..."
Then came the clattering of slippers as she climbed the stairs. I watched the stairs, watching a figure emerge from the horizon.
This must be 'Jing'. Was it... or 'she'?
He had a deep voice, short brown hair that reached his ears, a loose white t-shirt and jeans, making him seem like a boy.
But on the other hand, his features were incredibly delicate, his skin fair and his figure slender, making him seem like a girl.
His gender was hard to define, leaving me somewhat confused.
Before I could think, his voice rang in my ears: "Hey, who's he?"
He was probably referring to me; his voice was full of defensiveness and hostility. The girl called "Meimei" honestly replied, "He's our new tenant, a really nice guy. His name is..." She frowned, then turned to me and asked, "Hey, what's your name?"
"Zeng." The atmosphere was a little awkward, and I could only obediently continue her question: "Zeng Lixin."
"Which two characters?" "Li as in 'stand at attention,' and Xin as in 'trustworthiness.'"
"Oh, it's Ah-Xin..." 'Pretty Girl' called out to me without asking. "My name is Lü Huiting, Hui as in grace, Ting as in woman, and I'm Jing's 'Pretty Girl'..." I nodded, but Jing grabbed Pretty Girl. "Okay, okay, let's go in."
Pretty Girl broke free of her hand and looked at me. "By the way, this is my Jing." She then took Jing's arm. "His name is Huang Jing, Huang as in grass, and Jing as in quiet. He's my husband." "Pretty Girl, shut up." Huang Jing's expressionless voice.

[Ambiguous] -3
Huang Jing and Pretty Girl moved into my "dream house" like this. During the day, they were probably both at work or school, so it was hard to see them. At night, they would huddle in the room, and then there would be the sound of the TV and their playful fighting. Occasionally, I could hear their panting as they made love. Because the soundproofing was poor, it sounded like they were making a 0204 porn call.
Meimei, true to her nickname, was like an adorable little sister, with her big, watery eyes constantly blinking. She was very friendly, and when she and her boyfriend went on trips, they would often bring me late-night snacks. Huang Jing, on the other hand, was much more reserved. He was mostly quiet, a stark contrast to Meimei's talkative personality. I wondered how the two of them got along. He was also indifferent to me. In the almost two months since I moved in, I could count the number of times he had said anything to me on one hand: "I'm sorry," "Thank you," "Excuse me"... I had never seen such a fussy guy before; he was as fussy as a girl.
There was almost no interaction between us. Every morning at seven o'clock, Meimei would get up and rush downstairs to the kitchen to make breakfast for Huang Jing. Sometimes, I had to get up very early because I had a class on the first day, and I would see Meimei busy running around. Then she would say to me in a warm voice, "Ah Xin, you're up? Good morning~"
"Good morning." For someone like me who is used to being quiet, Meimei's optimism was sometimes hard for me to handle.
She was focused on the kitchen without turning her head, calling out to me loudly, "Ah-Xin, there's a newspaper on the table."
I paused for a few seconds, then picked up the newspaper, about to open it, when I heard the girl's voice:
"Ah-Xin, don't..." I nervously dropped the newspaper, looking at her in surprise: "Don't what?"
The girl picked up the newspaper I had thrown away: "Jing is reading the Liberty Times. He doesn't like people touching his things. Um, the China Times is mine, you can look at this."
Taking the China Times, she frowned: "You two are together and you still distinguish between 'yours' and 'mine'?"
"No..." The girl brought over a plate with beautifully fried eggs and bacon, placing it on my table: "That's how it is when two people are together. Everyone has their own habits. If you can be more tolerant, you won't argue about small things so often."
I looked into the girl's beautiful eyes and suddenly felt that she seemed very different. Shedding her usual silly and domineering exterior, she was actually gentler than anyone else. Huang Jing was really lucky to have such a girlfriend.
"Jing, you're awake." The girl's voice suddenly turned to the other side, and then I saw Huang Jing.
"Good morning, Huang Jing," I greeted him.
"Morning," he replied without even looking at me, immediately sitting down and burying himself in his breakfast. He ate quietly and elegantly, exuding the air of a wealthy young man. Although I didn't ask him, I had that feeling.
"Jing, what time do you have class today?" The girl never ate breakfast; she always said she was full just watching us eat. She always sat opposite Huang Jing at this time, occasionally throwing out silly questions.
"Eight o'clock." "What class?" "Modern Chinese History." Huang Jing was a history major. What was that about?
"A bunch of warlords fighting each other." Huang Jing's answer was always brief. "And what about Ah Xin?" Then the girl would turn to me and ask.
"Me?" "What class did you take?" "Oh, nothing much, just went to check the lab results today."

"An experiment counts as a class?" The girl looked incredulous. "I think so."
The girl seemed particularly interested in finding out about things related to university, whether it was what classes she took, what clubs she joined, who she met, or even the food in the school cafeteria. She first kept asking Huang Jing, and after Huang Jing poured out her life story, she started asking me. "
What does the Animal Science Department do?" That was the girl's basic question. "It's a department that studies animals within biology." "How do you study them?" "It depends, it depends on what you want to know." "So? Do you dissect animals?" "Of course." "What
kind of animals?" "Many, like frogs, white mice, pigeons..." "What about puppies?" "Dogs too, of course." "
What about rabbits?" "I haven't tried that, but I think I could if I wanted to." "What about cats? Birds? Fish?" Sure enough, by the end, it was the girl's voice: "Oh, right... how do you dissect a turtle... do you remove the shell first?"
The girl's voice was high-pitched and loud, and every time she finished talking, the whole room was filled with her questions. I think I understand why Huang Jing always fell silent, because most of the silence was filled with the girl's voice.
"Hey, girl," I finally snapped, "you can ask students in other departments at your school about these things. Just say one sentence, and dozens of guys will be vying to answer it for you..." "
..." Clearly, I'd told a bad joke. The girl shut her mouth, and it became quiet. "What's wrong?" I patted her shoulder. "I want to go to university too..." Good heavens, snot and tears mingled together, "But I can't..."

[Ambiguous] -4
Later I learned that the girl hadn't attended school since graduating from junior high.
Her father died the year she was born from liver cancer, and five years later her mother passed away for the same reason, entrusting the girl to her older sister, her aunt, before she died.
Besides the girl, her aunt had two older cousins, both much older than her, so although she had a "complete family" again, she still felt lonely most of the time.
"Actually, my aunt was very good to me..." Recalling this past event, Meimei's big eyes welled up with tears. "Looking back now, she really didn't treat me like an outsider. She treated me the same as her cousins. Sometimes I think, if things had continued like this, maybe I could have gone to university... It's just a pity..." Unfortunately, Meimei's aunt and uncle divorced the year she graduated from elementary school. Her uncle got custody of the children, and her two cousins and Meimei naturally went to live with him. The following year, her uncle remarried, and Meimei changed her surname to Lü, taking her uncle's surname.
"Actually, I wasn't close to my uncle growing up, but I had to change my surname to Lü, and then call him 'Dad,' and call my cousins 'Brother.' I was very uncomfortable with that at the time. Luckily, after I entered junior high school, my uncle arranged for me to attend a boarding school, otherwise I really wouldn't know how to get along with them."
Meimei's tone was relaxed as she recalled the events, but in reality, those days at the boarding school were very difficult.
"You know, in those nunneries' schools, every day, from class time to mealtimes to bedtime, is strictly regulated. And do you know what's the most outrageous thing?" I shook my head.
"The shower time! Even shower time is regulated. We have to shower right after dinner around 6 or 7 pm! Please, I just ate! You want a stomachache, but I don't want indigestion! Once I went to ask a nun if I could shower after evening study at 10 pm. I couldn't stand having to shower right after eating. And guess what she said?" "This… I can't guess."
"She actually said to me very fiercely that this is a school, and students should obey. If everyone did whatever they wanted like me, how could this school be managed... I was young and ignorant back then, and she even told me that if I secretly took a shower after evening self-study, God wouldn't forgive me... Isn't that going too far..." I nodded with a smile. Rather than saying it was going too far, I found the girl's exaggerated expression quite funny. "This is a place for teaching, and it's under the name of God, making us memorize the Bible all day long, saying things like God loves the world, but just taking a shower a little late means going to hell. That punishment is too severe..."
The girl, still young, was certainly not as free as she was at home when she had to live away from home. When she had no choice but to continue living there, her bright eyes dimmed.
"During that time, I was very introverted. I didn't even want to talk to anyone. Every day was like counting down the days in the army..."
"You're really different from how you are now." I found it hard to imagine the girl being introverted. Now, even asking her to stay silent for a minute was difficult for her. "Yeah, it's because of summer camp." "Summer camp?"
"It was the summer between second and third year of junior high school. The school dragged a few so-called problem students to a camp run by a group of high school students. Those high schools, you know, are the kind that would make you feel ashamed to death just by hearing their names. The faces of the boys and girls there were full of confidence and hope. Of course, they could easily get into good universities and find good jobs... of course they were full of hope. The school called it a summer camp, but actually they just wanted to find an opportunity to tutor us... At that time, I once went a whole week without saying a word. When the teacher called my name, I would only nod or shake my head. In the nun's eyes, I was definitely a problem student." "So you went too?"
She nodded: "It was really boring at first. Probably because of my own inferiority complex, I ignored the concern of these high school students. That's when he appeared..." The girl's face instantly turned rosy. "Who?"
"Let me tell you, I still remember the first time I saw him." Completely ignoring my reaction, she continued, "That day he was wearing a light blue shirt and dark blue jeans. All blue made him look so melancholic… Ah… even now, thinking about it makes my heart race." "Was he a camp staff member?"
"Yes," the girl nodded, "I should say he was our team's assistant. He was a sophomore in high school then, two years older than me. Unlike the other assistants who looked at us 'problem students' with that 'fearful' gaze, at least when I talked to him, I didn't feel like I had a problem, like I was there to be counseled. Can you imagine? I still remember the first time he spoke to me…"
"You still remember that three years ago?"
Of course I remember. Back then, I had a really weird temper, always looking cynical. No squad leader dared to come near me. That day, I was wearing a purplish-red t-shirt and sitting on the bleachers of the playground when he came over. He came closer to me, sat down next to me, and we enjoyed the breeze together. Then he turned to me and said, "This shirt is pretty. Is it purple or red?" "Huh?" "Do you like purple or red?" "That's all?" I didn't understand what was wrong with that. "Of course you don't understand," the girl looked at me confidently. "You don't understand that feeling. When I saw his eyes, I knew he understood everything. He saw right through me, and he could accept everything about me."
I shrugged, looking helpless. "And then?" "And then I fell for him."

[Ambiguous] -5
"Ah-Xin, have you ever had a girlfriend?" I was taken aback by the girl's sudden question. "No." "Liar." "Really." "Then why?" I tilted my head. "Probably because I'm afraid to talk to girls."
I'm instinctively a little afraid of girls, afraid of their chattering, afraid of following behind them carrying their shopping bags from the department store.
"Ah-Xin, a lot of girls must be heartbroken for you," the girl said seriously, making me laugh.
She nudged me: "Hey, seriously, you really should have a relationship." "Why?"
"That way you'll know how I felt back then." "You mean the feeling of being head over heels?"
"To be precise, it should be being overwhelmed, deeply immersed, intensely desireful, and hopelessly infatuated." I clapped my hands and laughed.
"That's how it felt for me and him. From that day on, we spent every day together in the camp, singing, talking about our dreams, and watching the sunset together. How beautiful!" "That sounds so romantic." "
Those were my happiest days. Even after the camp ended, we still talked on the phone every day. We both knew what the other was thinking, but we never said it out loud. Every time I called him, even though I just wanted to hear his voice, I would come up with all sorts of excuses to start the conversation: like asking about homework, borrowing CDs, or even pretending to have dialed the wrong number once because I couldn't think of a reason." She giggled as she spoke. "That's so tiring." "That's why you can't be in a relationship." The pretty girl said in a mature tone, "Although I'm several years younger than you, I'm an expert in this area." "Yes, yes, I hope you can enlighten me." "What do you think is the most beautiful part of a relationship?" I paused for a few seconds: "I don't know, I really don't know about this kind of thing."
"I think the most beautiful part of a relationship is when you're exchanging glances, being ambiguous, constantly wondering if he loves you, but having to pretend to be natural when you meet."
"Heh, is it really that beautiful?" I was a little skeptical. Maybe I'm not that perceptive. I still believe that love should be expressed; keeping it bottled up will cause internal injuries.
"That's how it was between us back then. Until Valentine's Day in August, he called me and offered to tutor me. We were at his place, with his bedroom door tightly closed, lights and curtains drawn, and then, gently, we kissed."
Romantic, truly romantic: "It's like something out of a movie!"
"It was such a natural thing to do. We hadn't even planned to kiss that day, but I just naturally turned off the lights." "
I wish I could have such a wonderful lover." "Really?" "Yes." "You might be surprised when I tell you." "
Why?" "About the person I just mentioned, my first love." "Yes." "It's Huang Jing."
Although I'd imagined what a girl's first love would be like, I never would have guessed it was Huang Jing. That Huang Jing. The
Huang Jing who spoke concisely and almost coldly, who acted so meticulously, could actually do something so romantic? "Hey, you can't judge a book by its cover."

[Ambiguous]
- After entering my senior year, my schedule suddenly became much lighter. Most of my classmates hid away to prepare for graduate school entrance exams. Those who hadn't earned enough credits were asking around and choosing a cool, general course so they could earn enough credits without spending too much time disrupting their graduate school exams. I couldn't resist taking a two-credit course, which was on Wednesday afternoons, around the seventh or eighth period. It was a course on feminist literature.
Literature is a very distant subject for me. Although I read books in my spare time, it's hardly a professional field. In the classroom of over a hundred people, most of them are girls, and even the boys are mostly literature students. They sit together and discuss literary classics like "The Catcher in the Rye" and "The Great Gatsby," speaking in a very literary and pedantic manner. I suspect even their farts smell sweet. At times like this, I absolutely cannot shout at my classmates like I would at my department, discussing who died in this episode of Kindaichi or whether the latest issue of the Shonen Jump newspaper has been released.
Such classes are dull and boring, but there's no way around it; there are too many applicants for too few spots. Too many people want to choose this supposedly nutritious general education course, and to raise the average at the end of the semester, even though I really didn't want to come, I had no choice but to show up in the Faculty of Arts classroom every Wednesday afternoon.
I remembered my friend's aspirations for university. That day, she talked to me a lot, from her family background to her relationship with Huang Jing. When she talked about Huang Jing, her eyes were always filled with admiration:
"You know what? He's the smartest person I've ever met. He can solve any math problem in minutes. He's like an exam-taking machine! If Jing were my teacher, I might have been able to get into a good high school!"
Of course, Huang Jing couldn't be my friend's teacher, and even if he were, he probably couldn't save her, a student who was terrible at every subject. They took the university entrance exam in the same year; Huang Jing successfully got into the History Department, but my friend failed.
"Jing was so sad back then, even sadder than me. At that time, I had no concept of the future or my prospects. I've always studied whenever I had a school, and I never thought that one day I would have no school to study."
"So what did you do?" "I tried to get into a five-year vocational college, I tried to get into a business school, I tried all kinds of schools, but I didn't get into any of them."
"Oh?" I guess her grades were really bad back then.
"Jing was so anxious back then, she kept asking around about other schools I could attend. Then one day, my uncle suddenly told me, 'It's okay if you don't get in, I've arranged a school for you.'" "Wouldn't that be great?"
"What do you mean 'great'? I wish I hadn't looked at it! It turned out to be another Catholic boarding school, with just as strict rules and tight discipline. I cried and told Jing I didn't want to go, I told my uncle, my cousin… I cried to everyone, but they all told me not to be so childish…" "So you went anyway?" "I had no choice, I went, and then I dropped out after a month." "Huh?" "I attempted suicide. I was alone in my dorm room with a craft knife. I didn't think much at the time, and I just slashed my hand. The wound was so deep, and blood was everywhere. Even I was terrified when I saw it, and then I passed out." She raised her right hand, and sure enough, there was a faint mark on her wrist. "When I woke up, I was in the hospital. Everyone came—Jing, my uncle, my cousin… even my aunt, who was divorced from my uncle, came. She lay on top of me, crying and saying she was sorry to my mother for not taking good care of me… I felt so guilty then… and then Jing ran out and accused my uncle in front of everyone…" "It wasn't entirely your uncle's fault…"
"Jing complained that he made me go to boarding school. He said that I've never had parents, and not only did he not give me any warmth from a family, he was also eager to push me away. He went on and on with a string of insults... I rarely saw Jing so angry. In the end, he actually took my hand and said to me, 'Once you're healed, we'll leave. Don't go back to school or home. From now on, you'll stay with me, and I'll take care of you.' I was shocked when I heard that." I was also shocked that Huang Jing would say such a thing.
"Of course I was moved and hugged him and cried, and then I left with him." "Huh? Really? You're not going to study anymore?"
"No, of course not. Who would want to go back to a place like that?" "What about your family?"
"My family is okay, since my parents have passed away. My aunt and uncle were just surprised. They don't know how I got together with Jing. They're probably quite helpless. Jing's situation is much worse than mine. He's their only child, and they spoil him rotten. Suddenly, he brought a woman and said he wanted to run away from home. Mr. Huang was furious. That day, Jing and I went to their house to talk to his parents, and his dad actually chased us away with a broom. I even got hit a few times, and it hurt terribly."
"Huh? You just left like that?" That's too outrageous. One is an underage girl, and the other is just a rich young master who just started college. They just ran away from home like that?
"Well, we moved out later. At first, we lived on Wenzhou Street, which was more convenient for Jing to go to school. Although Jing had some savings to support us, it would run out sooner or later, so I started working at the school cafeteria. Jing went to school during the day and worked as a tutor at an elementary school after-school program at night to earn extra money."
How old was Huang Jing back then? Eighteen or nineteen? He was already living with a girlfriend who was fifteen or sixteen and still acted like a child? I thought about how I was already in my twenties and still had to ask my family for money, and I couldn't help but feel ashamed.
"You're not going to study anymore?" "Yes," the girl nodded, "I don't even have enough money now, how can I have time to study..."
"But actually, you wanted to go to university like Huang Jing and me, right?" If the girl was still studying, she would be a senior in high school now.
"Yes..." A hint of sadness flashed in her eyes, but within seconds, she smiled brightly again: "But that's all in the past. Now, I'm happy as long as I'm with Jing..."
Her strength was so admirable, it broke my heart. Is life really full of helplessness?
"Zeng Lixin...is Zeng Lixin not here?"
Suddenly, I heard someone calling my name from afar, pulling me back to reality. The professor on the podium adjusted his glasses, a list of names in his hand.
"Me! I am!" I jumped up from my seat. "You're Zeng Lixin?" "Yes, yes."
"Hmm..." The professor buried his head in his lecture notes: "Come on, Zeng Lixin, tell me, just name a few literary works related to feminism."
Feminism?! Oh my god! I don't even know if feminism is something to eat or play with, and I have to name a few works... Oh my god...I'm so embarrassed... "Haha, this..." I scratched my head, facing over a hundred faces, completely flustered.
"Professor," a voice suddenly came from directly behind me, "Zeng Lixin just happened to be discussing this issue with me..."
Huh? Who was that? I was just spacing out, how could I have discussed this kind of issue with anyone?
"There are many feminist literary works. He told me he recently finished reading a book called 'Kitchen,' written by the Japanese author Banana Yoshimoto. She's a very gentle female writer; her works are very emotional, delicate, and approachable..."
Following the voice, I turned around and saw that the savior sitting directly behind me, the one who had saved my life and was now talking eloquently, was actually Huang Jing.

[Ambiguous] -7
As soon as class ended, I turned around to look for Huang Jing, but he had already been swallowed up by the crowd.
"Huang... Huang Jing..." I found him in the sea of people. I don't know why, but I had a feeling that if I didn't grab him now, he would slip away. That feeling was wonderful. In other words, I was grabbing him just for that feeling. As for what to say to him, I had no clue at all.
She seemed to notice my voice, stopped, and turned to look at me. I ran to his side, surrounded by the crowd of students leaving class.
"Hey, why are you in such a hurry?" I was still panting. "I'm going to pick up a girl." His tone was hostile.
"She's off work?" "Yeah." He nodded, then fell silent. "By the way, today is really..." She waved her hand, stopping me from speaking: "No need to thank me." "Huang Jing..." He seemed to be in a real hurry, slinging his dark blue backpack over his shoulder as if he were hiding from something, and pushed through the crowd to walk forward. He doesn't like me, that was my first feeling.
Although I didn't know why, I could only feel an aura of hostility surrounding him. I should be sensible and leave, but my feet just couldn't stop following behind him.
He stopped, looked up at me. For a typical guy, he was short, only about 160 centimeters tall, and slender like a girl. But these days, guys like him seem to be quite popular. His tone was displeased: "Hey, what do you want?"
"I…" His sharp retort made my voice lower: "I just wanted to thank you."
"Okay, I got it." He sighed.
"Uh…" Huang Jing was different from Mei Mei. Mei Mei was the kind of person who could say the whole thing without you having to say a word, but Huang Jing answered directly. He spoke when he wanted to, and when he didn't want to, you couldn't force him.
"I really didn't expect… you're from our school too…" For some reason, I always felt nervous seeing his defensive eyes. He must be unpopular in class: "What a coincidence, I've never heard you mention it." "I didn't know you were in the same school as me."
"Uh, this…" His answers were always discouraging. How could a boy be so reserved? I tried hard to find common ground with him: "By the way, what were you talking about in class... what was this 'Yoshimoto Banana'?" "Yoshimoto Banana."
"Right, right... good lad, I didn't know you'd actually read it, your answer sounds so real. Thanks to you today, otherwise I would have been scolded to death by that old maid." I made an exaggerated gesture.
Perhaps because I mentioned something he was interested in, Huang Jing's expression softened a lot, and a smile even appeared on her lips. "Who is the old maid?"
"Feminist literature, 'Long live women's rights!'" I imitated the professor's gesture. She was a feminist advocate, and I heard she was divorced and hated men terribly, which she probably vented on us male students.
"Haha..." Huang Jing laughed, "Male chauvinism has been rampant for so long, it's time for feminism to breathe a sigh of relief, that's how balance is achieved."
I reflexively tapped his head, "You're such a show-off, a grown man saying things like that. If feminism really flourishes, what if your girlfriend goes on strike and refuses to cook?"
"Then I'll cook." "What if she goes to learn to drive for the sake of female empowerment and never needs to ride your motorcycle again?"
"I'll ride in her car, it's more comfortable."
"What if she runs for legislator, advocating for women's rights, leaving you alone at home?"
"I'll be the president of her support group." He actually started arguing with me.
To win the argument and defeat Huang Jing verbally, I came up with a bunch of reasons, but he always managed to easily refute them. I remembered how my girlfriend described Huang Jing's romantic side. I couldn't understand it then, but now, seeing his expression of protecting his girlfriend, I suddenly understood his tenderness. "How about it? Anything else?" His expression was proud.
"Yes, of course." I racked my brains trying to argue back, when a thought suddenly flashed through my mind. A question that had been lingering in my heart, before I could even process it, I blurted it out: "If Meimei also wanted to go to university, but you only had enough money for one person's tuition, what would you do? Would you give up on letting her go?" Suddenly, she seemed to freeze, her smile fading. "I...did I say something wrong?"
"What exactly did Meimei say to you?" She immediately became defensive, like a hedgehog.
"Wh...what?" I was startled by his sudden change.
His eyes were no longer joyful, but instead held an unfathomable depth. He stared at me angrily, without saying a word. I sensed something was about to happen, but I was powerless to stop it.

[Ambiguous] - At
8 PM on the 8th, Meimei and Huang Jing had their biggest argument ever.
It was less of an argument and more of Huang Jing's one-sided rant. This was the day I'd heard him talk the most, and the first time I'd seen him lose control of his emotions. Even through the door, their voices were crystal clear.
"Lü Huiting, how many times have I told you not to talk nonsense to outsiders? Have I said it before? Have I said it before?" Huang Jing's out-of-control voice came through the crack in the door. "Ah Xin... Ah Xin isn't an outsider..." Then came the girl's soft protest.
Suddenly, a loud bang rang out. "Ah-Xin, Ah-Xin... are you that close to him... close enough that you'd give him your whole heart after knowing him for only three months?" "Jing... what are you talking about..."
"How many times have I told you? Do you think we moved away from Wenzhou Street? Why did we hide in a place like this? It's so far from school and inconvenient... the pain of being pointed at and gossiped about... the feeling of being ashamed, have you forgotten all of that?"
"I... I'm sorry..." "You're really driving me crazy. I don't care what you do normally, but you have to tell others about something like this..."
"Jing... I didn't... I only told him about my own things, I didn't tell him anything about yours, really, I didn't..."
The girl's voice had changed, she must have been crying.
"In the end, I'm the one who solves your problems. You always speak without thinking. I'm already annoyed enough every day, can you please stop making me worry about you?"
"I'm sorry... I won't do it again... I won't..."
Then there was another loud bang. "What's the use of saying all that nice stuff? He already knows a little bit. What if he finds out? What if he finds out and tells others? He's in the same school as me! If he tells everyone, I'll have to go through all that pain again. Who's going to take responsibility? Tell me!" "I won't do it again, Jing, please forgive me, I won't do it again."
Hearing the girl's choked voice and Huang Jing's roar, a feeling of disgust suddenly arose in my heart.
Is it that serious? Is it necessary to raise your voice over something like this? Why can't you sit down and resolve things properly? What kind of hero are you, only cursing your girlfriend!
"If you can't control your mouth, don't follow me anymore."
The girl burst into tears. Hearing this, my fists started to move uncontrollably, my blood started to boil, I couldn't hold back anymore, anger overwhelmed my reason, and without thinking, I opened their door and walked inside.
"Ah... Ah Xin..." The first thing I saw was the girl crying her eyes out.
"This is our room, what are you doing in here?" Then came Huang Jing's cold voice.
"Hey, what the hell are you doing?" My body temperature rose, and my temper was out of control: "Aren't you all talking about feminism? You can't even protect your own woman, you're as docile as a worm in front of outsiders, what? You're only fierce to your own girl? Are you even a man?"
"Ah Xin... Ah Xin, you've got it wrong..." The girl grabbed my hand, and I frowned, my anger reaching its peak: "Stop degrading yourself, okay? He treats you like this, and you're still acting like a dog? Huang Jing, yes, the girl told me about her family situation and some things about your relationship, so what? Is it necessary to berate her like this? Let me tell you, I have no interest in hearing about your business, and I'm too lazy to tell anyone else about your relationship, so stop taking your anger out on others."
The girl's tears never stopped, while Huang Jing hadn't said a word since I came in.
"What? Speechless? Weren't you talking a lot just now?" "...What did I say wrong? Argue with me!"
He remained silent, biting his lip and keeping his head down. It was impossible to tell if he'd even heard me. He was always like this; it infuriated me. I couldn't help but lean forward, grabbing his shirt with one hand, a fist poised to strike: "Damn it..."
"Ah-Xin, don't..." Huh? Suddenly, I felt something touch him. As I pulled on Huang Jing's clothes, I saw two curves on his chest… Huang Jing's chest was usually less noticeable in his loose clothing, but this unintentional touch made it clear to me—that soft, beautiful…thing that didn't belong to a man…
Startled, I quickly released his hand. I looked at him, my mind blank. No…impossible?
I looked at him, his slender figure, his delicate, fair face. Although he was deliberately lowering his voice and had short hair, trying to hide something, I still noticed. "You...you're a woman?"

[Ambiguous] -9
It's been a long time since I've been back to this room. This room, with its warm sunlight and bougainvillea, was once spacious but has become even more exquisite thanks to their careful arrangement. Bright red checkered curtains hang on the windows, and a double bed has comfortable-looking quilts and plush toys. It's like a girl's room.
The girl had cried herself to sleep, curled up like a kitten, and fell asleep on Huang Jing's lap. Before Huang Jing spoke, Mayday had been singing for us, a band I'd never heard of before, but Huang Jing seemed completely captivated by it.

The cool autumn breeze brushed against my hair, tickling me. You are the vast ocean, I am the rain falling on you,
I lost my shape. I see the shape of love in the distance,
love floats on you, savoring your dusk and sunrise.
The hard and soft places are my fantasies, your melody. (The Shape of Love / Gay Album 2)

"Today...I'm sorry, I don't know..." I wanted to say something, but she waved her hand at me, stopping me from speaking.
"It all started when I was little..." "Huh? When I was little?" I didn't understand what she meant.
"Yes, when I was little." She nodded at me: "From my childhood, my impression of my family was that they were very wealthy, really. We lived in a garden villa of over 100 square meters in Tianmu. The yard was huge. We kept dogs, cats... and a huge fish pond full of koi. We had a driver when we went out, and there were two aunties who helped out at home. All my classmates at school came from families like that. Can you believe it? When I was in elementary school, I went shopping in the East District with my classmates for the first time. The East District, isn't that a place with a lot of disabled beggars? That was the first time I saw a beggar there. I remember he was lying on the ground because he had no legs. He had a basin in front of him and kept kowtowing... kowtowing... Thinking about it now makes me feel sad, but that was the first time I had ever seen a beggar. I had never seen one before. Guess what happened to me?" "What happened?" I shook my head, unable to guess.
"I squatted down in front of him without thinking and asked, 'Hey, what are you doing?'"
"This...unbelievable..." That's all I could say.
"It really is unbelievable," she shrugged, as if it didn't matter. "There's no way around it. I'm the only child in the family, and my parents spoiled me rotten, almost to the point of overprotection. Before high school, I was like...a doll in a delicate glass cabinet, living according to my parents' expectations, never thinking of rebelling. That's how I got first place every time since elementary school, and naturally, I got into my first-choice university. After entering high school, I lived the same way, wearing clothes my parents liked, joining clubs my parents liked, and dating boyfriends my parents liked..."
"Your parents allowed you to have a boyfriend?" Most parents don't approve of their children having boyfriends or girlfriends in high school, especially families like Huang Jing's. I was a little surprised by her parents' open-mindedness in this regard.
"Hmm," she shook her head, "Of course not, but Xiaobai is different. He's the son of one of my dad's business clients.
Xiaobai is the same color as his uniform, and he's fair-skinned and clean-cut. We've known each other since birth, playing together since we were little, like it was destined. Both sets of parents shared the same wish, and even I thought so back then. Although I was young, I always had a vague idea about Xiaobai. After I went to high school, he would pick me up from school every day. We would study together, eat together, and walk home together along that little path. I really thought everything was..." What if that happens? I'll end up on the path my parents have laid out for me, the path I want to take too.
We've always been together, more like family outings than a romantic relationship. Aside from class time, our dates were always with the adults. Xiaobai's mom practically treats me like her daughter-in-law, and so do I.
Then, on Xiaobai's first birthday in high school, which should have been a family celebration, Mom had already decorated the venue, and Dad had even taken time off work to come home and prepare for the celebration. I received a longing look from Xiaobai: "Jing, this year I want to have a special birthday."
"Isn't this special enough?" I asked foolishly. Everything I did back then was so silly.
Then he put his arm around my shoulder and said in a deep, emotional voice, "Don't have anyone else. I only want to spend this with you."
"But..." But Mom and Dad have already prepared everything. The candles are lit, waiting for us to blow them out.
"Jing, we're not children anymore. Don't you want to spend this alone with me?"
His words kept seducing me. I love him. I want to spend this holiday alone with him. I'm looking forward to it, looking forward to something happening. Then I lied to my parents, the first time I didn't go against their wishes."

[Ambiguous] -10
"That day was really romantic. He was wearing a dark blue shirt that suited him perfectly. I arrived at his house at seven o'clock. His family had been sent away somewhere. We sat on the sofa, leaning against each other, drinking wine and watching TV..."
"Jing, are you happy today?"
Then he turned and kissed me, his cool lips pressed against my neck. It felt so wonderful. I wished time could stand still. My arms were around his neck, letting his kisses fall on my body. Everything felt so natural. He unbuttoned my clothes, one button at a time, and slipped his hands inside. My breasts swelled slightly from the stimulation. "Want to make love?" He kissed me gently, and I didn't answer him, only awkwardly responding to his kisses.
At that moment, I didn't feel shy at all, not even a little bit. It felt like it was the most natural thing in the world, just like our relationship. He was so eager for me, and I vaguely knew what was going to happen next.
His body pressed against mine; it was a man's body temperature, warm, completely different from my father's. His kisses were salty. He took my hand and guided it to his naked body—his handsome face, his firm muscles, and his engorged genitals. He also caressed me, my cheeks, my lips, my earlobes, my breasts, and my genitals… But somehow, I couldn't get wet. I was dry, no matter how much he touched me.
Of course, I wanted it, I wanted it so badly. I loved him and craved his body, but I couldn't control my body. When he tried to penetrate me, I screamed in pain, tears streaming down my face. He had no choice but to let go and stop.
"It's okay." That's what he said to me, affectionately ruffling my hair: "You're just too nervous."
I understand my body very well, and in the days that followed, Xiaobai gradually understood as well.
I just couldn't get wet. Even though I was mentally prepared, my body just wouldn't allow it. We tried again and again, but it just wouldn't work. Whenever this came up, things would get tense and we'd both inexplicably irritable. Both our parents sensed something was wrong, but no one dared to say anything.
That Christmas, perhaps because we both felt indebted to each other, Xiaobai planned a beautiful evening—a romantic Christmas dinner and a truckload of sweet nothings. I knew exactly how this night would end. He kissed me, so gently… gentler than usual. When his hand slipped inside my clothes, it felt like something snapped in my head, a sharp sound…
and I pushed him away, stopping his passion with one hand: "No… please…"
I was scared. I was terrified of this repeated experiment.
But he got up, picked up his shirt, lazily pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, put it in his mouth, and squinted, preparing to light it.
Suddenly, I felt so far away from him. I had completely lost him, both his body and his heart. I didn't even know when he learned to smoke. He tried to light a cigarette several times, but couldn't. Finally, frowning, he impatiently threw the lighter on the table: "Damn it, trash!"
Huang Jing's voice was low and emotionless, as if she were telling someone else's story. The dim light shone on this girl in her early twenties, giving her an air of boundless desolation.
"I don't know if he was talking about the lighter or me," she said softly, a bitter smile on her lips.

[Ambiguous] -11
"Do you understand that feeling?" Huang Jing's beautiful eyes stared straight at me. "What feeling?" "
That joyful yet chaotic feeling, wanting to escape yet instinctively drawn closer, your heart churning, as if nothing you do is right." Her hair was disheveled, but her eyes were fervent.
But I'm afraid I'll disappoint her: "To be honest, I haven't experienced what you're talking about, so I really can't understand."
"That's how I felt the first time I saw a girl."
"You talk about the feeling of lovers." I couldn't help but notice the beautiful shape of Huang Jing's chest. She's a girl, unlike me.

"It's exactly the feeling of lovers." Who taught me to be crazy in love, to bravely challenge the whole world,
to have the same feeling of love and being loved in the same body? (The Shape of Love / Gay Album 2)

"The first time I saw her in the camp, I knew she was the same kind of person as me." "So sure?"
She smiled at me. "You won't believe it, but before and after her, I've never felt this way about anyone. I'm very defensive, as you can tell, but with Meimei, I simply can't keep up my guard anymore.
I'm in so much pain, so much agony, because it's not allowed. That feeling of being lovers—I have the right to feel that way about any man, but not with Meimei. On one hand, I want to control myself, but on the other hand, I can't help but put my arm around her and kiss her. I have to keep it a secret from everyone because of my image. I have to carry this heavy burden of love every day, pretending to be happy in front of everyone. I have to hide my feelings for Meimei. I have to deceive myself again and again that I actually like men."

It doesn't matter who I love anymore; no one can draw a clear line in love.
The mysterious magic within the same body is even stronger. (The Shape of Love / Gay Album 2)

"Later, the screws in my head loosened, and with a snap, my life fell apart. I dragged my girlfriend to both families, crying and shouting, 'We love each other!' 'What's wrong with this?' My girlfriend's family was alright; her aunt just regretted not taking good care of her child. But my family was different. My father was naturally furious, blaming me for disgracing the Huang family and giving birth to a monster who was neither male nor female. That 's

how he talked back then. My mother naturally played the role of mediator, but I always saw her sadness and disappointment in me.
This was an unblessed love, and I realized that from the beginning."
So I packed some clothes, took my bankbook and the money my mom had secretly slipped me, and just like that, I eloped with Meimei. To outsiders, we were just two girls; they'd never guess our relationship. They'd just think we were best friends. We moved to Wenzhou Street, paying half the money for rent. Meimei said she didn't want to go back to school, and our finances didn't allow it, so we arranged for her to work at the school cafeteria so I could take care of her. I tutored at night, and during the day we worked hard, and at night we slept together.
"Sounds good, so why did you move here?" I asked. Huang Jing omitted the hardships of their life. She, a girl from a wealthy family who had rarely even seen beggars, had suddenly fallen into this kind of life; it was truly difficult for her.
She took a breath, puffed out her chest, and pointed to her two round breasts: "What do you think these are?"
"This..." I was a little embarrassed: "Huang Jing, what... what are you talking about!"
"Breasts, damn breasts." Her shoulders slumped: "Don't you understand? I'm a woman."

[Ambiguous] -12
"I'm a woman, there's no denying that. The landlady likes a simple life. When we signed the contract, we were two girls who looked clean and tidy. But damn it, we tried our best to hide our secret during the day, pretending to be very close sisters, but at night, the sounds of us making love just couldn't be hidden."
"Making love?" I couldn't help but chuckle.
"Yeah, it's making love, what's so funny?" Huang Jing pouted, looking very cute: "The soundproofing in the room isn't good, and we can't help but make love. When we do, it's inevitable that we make noise. After a while, it's hard for the landlady not to notice."
I remembered that after they moved in, the sounds of their passionate lovemaking often drifted into my room. It was really funny.
"Of course, she couldn't possibly suspect us. After all, we're two girls. But soon after, those damned, gossipy neighbors saw me and the girl kissing in the alleyway and holding hands at 7-Eleven, looking so happy. They all told the landlady like they'd discovered a new continent, and so we were naturally 'asked' to leave.
We couldn't stay in the Wenzhou Street area anymore. Gradually, some of my classmates found out that I often walked hand-in-hand with the restaurant girl at school. We were like being forced to the edge of a cliff, with nowhere to go. We couldn't stay at home, and we couldn't stay at school either.
To make a living, we moved far away from school and started dressing like this: wearing oversized men's t-shirts, hunching over, lowering our voices, and making ourselves look like boys. I'm already tall for a girl, and the name Huang Jing is somewhat androgynous. This disguise actually fooled quite a few people, including my current landlady."
"That sounds so tragic." I'm discovering more and more 'unbelievable' things about Huang Jing and Mei Mei—things I would never have encountered in my otherwise uneventful twenty-odd years.
"By the way," Huang Jing suddenly changed the subject, her gentle gaze dimming. She unexpectedly turned around, putting her arm around my neck, and a uniquely feminine fragrance wafted towards me. The gesture was somewhat ambiguous, leaving me confused: "I'm asking you something..."
"You...you ask." It was a girl's scent, so wonderful.
"I've told you so much, and the girl has said quite a bit too. You won't tell anyone else, will you?"
I was startled by her sudden change. The slight ambiguity that had existed just a second ago vanished without a trace. It seemed she didn't truly believe me. I gently pushed her hand away, regained my serious expression, and solemnly told her, "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."
"Really?" Her eyes held uncertainty.
Looking at her expression, I suddenly felt a pang of sadness. She was just a twenty-year-old girl. What was I doing when I was twenty? Joining clubs, skipping classes, having a crush on a girl but not daring to tell her, taking the money my family sent me every month for granted…
This girl, however, had already lost the warmth of her family and even carried the blame of the whole world. Twenty years old, just a child, yet she had to take care of another child under eighteen. The two of them lived alone in Taipei. How was she supposed to protect herself? Perhaps, besides the physical pretense of being a man, her inner pretense was even greater.
I understood her distrust of me because she had never truly been cherished and pampered.
"Really...really, you can't tell." She still looked at me pleadingly, those were truly beautiful eyes. How could I have mistaken her for a boy before?
"Don't worry, we're friends." I put my hand on her shoulder, wanting to assure her that I would never reveal a single word. She deserved to be cherished; how could I possibly kick her
when she was down? "Friends! You consider me a friend?" Huang Jing's eyes lit up. She leaned slightly against me, and that damned fragrance wafted over again, making every cell in my body awaken.
"Of...of course, we're good buddies."
I lowered my head, not daring to look into her eyes. Although my words were straightforward, I was very uneasy inside.
Because for the first time, I realized that Huang Jing was a girl.

You are the vast ocean, I am the rain falling upon you.
I lose my own shape. I see the shape of love in the distance.
Love floats upon you, savoring your dusk and sunrise.
The hard and soft places are my fantasies, your melody.
Who are you? You make me madly in love, teaching me to bravely challenge the whole world.
I lose my own shape. I see the shape of love in the distance.
In the same body, there is the same feeling of loving and being loved.
It doesn't matter who I love. No one can draw the line of love.
In the same body, the mysterious magic is even stronger. The moon reflects in
the lotus pond. I wander endlessly by the pond.
The battlefield of angels and devils. The sleepless nights of body and soul.
All the beauty in this world cannot compare to your lovely appearance.
You make me surrender with both hands raised. I stepped out of the city wall and grew wings. (The Shape of Love / Gay Album 2)

[Ambiguous] - 13
Around midnight, a loud noise disturbed the original silence. The little yellow chick that I was holding tightly in my hand was also startled and let go.
The chick chirped and ran towards the door. Following its unsteady steps, I saw a sweet smile.
"Wow...so cute..." The girl smiled at me, then squatted down and blocked the chick's path with both hands.
"You guys are here?" After sitting in the chair all morning, I rubbed my slightly tired neck. "Huh? Where's Huang Jing? Didn't she come with you?"
The girl turned around and looked at the lab door, looking quite adorable. When did it all begin? Let me think...
when did the three of us start walking together? Was it that night of screams and roars? Was it that night of tenderness and honesty? Was it that night the air was filled with the sounds of May...? "Who said I wasn't here?"
When that cheerful voice came from behind, I saw Huang Jing. Today she was wearing a sky-colored top. I have to admit that Huang Jing definitely has a good sense of style, at least better than mine.
Perhaps it's because I'm from a science and engineering background, because the workload is already quite heavy, plus the bad habit of never doing experiments without getting my clothes dirty, I'm always very sloppy all year round.
"Jing, why are you so late?" The pretty girl was still holding the chick in one hand, while the other hand was already gripping Huang Jing's slender arm.
Huang Jing didn't seem to care. Since that night, many things about her had changed. She no longer frowned like before, or acted like a little rabbit, constantly trying to escape. She was gentler and more peaceful than before.
That expression was enough to make me think for an entire afternoon. He… I should say "she," these days I've seen so many expressions on her face: anger, surprise, helplessness, tears… and then peace, gentleness.
She was a strange woman, and so was the pretty girl. I saw so many things in them that I had never seen before. Their existence was restless, extremely unstable… Although I had heard so much from them, every time I saw them, I always felt that I still knew too little.
And these two highly dangerous individuals were actually sitting quietly in my laboratory, on either side of me.
"Here, lunchtime." Huang Jing tossed me a paper bag with a fast-food restaurant logo. It was the restaurant where Mei Mei worked. Although Huang Jing was lesbian, I often thought her personality and Mei Mei's should be switched. Mei Mei was easygoing, always thinking that even if the sky fell, someone else would hold it up; she didn't care about things at all. Huang Jing, on the other hand, was sensitive and even a little suspicious; she was too meticulous.
Or rather, Huang Jing was naturally good at taking care of people, while Mei Mei was naturally blessed to be taken care of.
"Jing, look, it's a chick." Mei Mei held the chick in her arms towards Huang Jing, smiling broadly.
"Where did it come from?" Huang Jing seemed to be in a good mood today. "Ah Xin's..."
Huang Jing turned around, her eyes gently sweeping over me. The chick originally belonged to a classmate in the department for an experiment. They had hatched more than a dozen eggs into chicks and observed and discussed the chicks' growth in groups, but... it seemed this chick would no longer be his.
"You like it? Here you go." This was a case of using someone else's gift as a pretext; actually, I had been planning to give them something, especially seeing Huang Jing's rare smile.
"Wow!" The girl excitedly rushed towards me without hiding her excitement. When her hair brushed against my nose, I remembered a night when Huang Jing and I were so close. When the girl got close, the first thing I noticed was a girl's unique fragrance, but this scent was different from Huang Jing's. The girl's fragrance was mixed with the smell of fries, fried chicken... the smell of a fast food restaurant.
"It's just a chick... look how happy you are..." Huang Jing said, but I could tell she was very happy.
The lab was warm today because I had two of the warmest suns.
"Ah Xin..." The girl, after her excitement subsided, stared at me blankly: "What do you think... we should name it?"
The girl named her chick Xiao Gu, a name Huang Jing had chosen.
"We're all in pairs, and she's all alone." Huang Jing explained the name at length.
"I'm all alone too!" I thought to myself. It wouldn't matter if the girl said something wrong—half of her words are spoken without thinking—but with Huang Jing's intelligence, she couldn't possibly have overlooked me, this lonely soul. It seems there's more than one person called "Little Lonely."

"Hey, what are you daydreaming about!" Huang Jing patted me, her eyes constantly glancing at the girl playing with Little Lonely.
"I wasn't daydreaming! Just kidding," I said, trying to cover my reverie with a few dry laughs. "Daydreaming is immoral!"
Huang Jing shrugged, giving me a very "girlish" smile. "Thinking about what I just said?"
"Huh!? Which one?" I feigned ignorance. Huang Jing was indeed the smartest. "Little Lonely is indeed all alone."
Huang Jing waved goodbye, leaving without a trace, only that one sentence. This time, I was truly stunned.
"What?" Don't bother this old-fashioned engineer. I really don't understand girls' language at all, even a girl who seems like a boy.
I stood there dumbfounded for a few seconds, then a burst of laughter came from ahead. Looking closer, I saw the pretty girl laughing so hard her face was pale, while Huang Jing, suppressing her laughter, called out to me, "Silly boy! Little Orphan is the loneliest, because now there's one more person in our family, so Little Orphan has to stay lonely!" Family? Little Orphan? What's going on?! "Ah Xin! Come here! It's immoral to daydream like that!"
More laughter erupted. Although I didn't quite understand the hidden meaning in their words, seeing their smiles, I thought it was a good thing, so I laughed along: "Hey! Wait for me!"

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