A long-distance bus dream

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My name is Xu Xin, and my boyfriend's name is Zhang Kai. We were classmates at the same university, but in different departments—both at the University of International Business and Economics. I met him at my best friend Li Wei's birthday party. Li Wei and her boyfriend, Wang Xiaofan, were both from Shanghai, and Zhang Kai was in the same class as her. Zhang Kai looks a lot like Takeshi Kaneshiro when he first debuted; he's a bit mature, but he's also shy and doesn't talk much. I, on the other hand, am a girl who loves singing and dancing. To outsiders, I seem quite lively, but I'm not the kind of social butterfly who goes to every kind of event. Among a group of dancing girls, I wasn't the most eye-catching, nor was I so ordinary that I would be overlooked by everyone. Zhang Kai said he liked me at first sight.

We got together without really realizing it, and neither of us mentioned being a couple. From our sophomore year until graduation, we were always seen together as a couple. But what surprised others was that we never had sex during those three years. In this distorted society, what's normal has become abnormal. Later, I asked Zhang Kai, "Why have you never made any advances?" He said he liked me not because of my body, but because of my inner qualities, my love for my singing, and my every smile and gesture. These words deeply moved me, and I became certain that I would marry no one but him.

After graduation, we stayed in Shanghai for over a year to explore our career opportunities, and during that year, we moved in together. Zhang Kai was from Dalian, from a well-off family. His mother was a leader at a hospital, and his father was an officer at a naval base. He also had two aunts who married into South Korea, and his second uncle inherited his grandfather's business, running a successful seaside resort hotel. Zhang Kai's study of public administration was influenced by his second uncle. A crucial reason we were together was our shared ambition—to work in the hotel service industry. However, his ambitions were far greater; he wanted to own his own five-star hotel, and he didn't even care about his grandfather's business. As for me, I just wanted to be a department manager like Tong Xin in the drama "I Just Fell in Love with You," busy and stylish, yet still romantic.

Although Zhang Kai and I both considered each other our other half, there was still an irreconcilable problem between us—his mother. The first time I went to Dalian with Zhang Kai to meet his parents, his mother left a bad impression on me. Perhaps because she had been a leader for a long time, she treated me like a superior to a subordinate, especially when she learned I was from Chongqing and my parents were ordinary workers; her words and actions became even more arrogant. Maybe she felt that Zhang Kai and I were not a good match, and since our families lived so far apart, many conflicts would inevitably arise if we lived together.

The second time I went to Dalian, my relationship with Zhang Kai's mother became even more strained. She even openly expressed her dissatisfaction with me, saying, "I don't think you and Zhang Kai are suitable because of your talent; you should understand some things." Of course I understand—she's a snob! Actually, his mother's opinion wasn't important; what I cared about was Zhang Kai's attitude. But what angered me most was that Zhang Kai didn't speak up for me! I had hoped that Zhang Kai could get his father, who supported him, to persuade his mother to abandon her conventional views. But Zhang Kai's indifference chilled me to the bone. I know he's a filial son, but should matters of the heart and marriage always be decided by one's parents? What era are we living in?! Family on one side, love on the other—which would you choose?

After returning to Shanghai, we started a cold war. Although Zhang Kai always tried to coax me, which showed he still cared about me, I couldn't get over his mother's attitude. So we separated temporarily. I returned to Chongqing and worked as a lobby manager at a riverside hotel, while he couldn't resist his mother's family's calls and went back to Dalian to help his second uncle.

Back home, with my parents, doing a job I loved, my mood gradually improved. For almost six months, Zhang Kai and I only kept in touch via phone. I longed for him to come to Chongqing to see me! Just then, I received an invitation from my best friend, Li Wei, who had just had a baby with Wang Xiaofan. She said they had also invited Zhang Kai. Upon hearing this news, I specially swapped shifts with my colleagues to get five days off to go to Shanghai for the baby's one-month celebration. Because I have a fear of flying, it took me a day and a night by train to get to Shanghai. I so hoped Zhang Kai would surprise me at the station with flowers. Unfortunately, only Li Wei's cousin came to pick me up. Even more unexpectedly, I heard Zhang Kai had arrived in Shanghai the day before, but he didn't come to pick me up!

I immediately began to doubt my life! I'm not a petty person, but Zhang Kai's behavior was truly disappointing.

Filled with resentment, I met Zhang Kai at Li Wei's house. People often use the phrase "a day apart feels like three autumns" to describe the longing between lovers, but for me and Zhang Kai, only half a year apart felt like centuries had passed. Had I changed, or had he? At Wang Xiaofan's urging, Zhang Kai finally spoke to me, offering a few words of concern.

I don't like beating around the bush, so I asked him directly what his mother thought. He didn't answer directly, only saying he was caught in the middle and in a difficult position. I immediately got angry and called him a coward! Perhaps Zhang Kai felt I didn't understand him, because he also looked aggrieved. Suddenly, I realized I had been completely blind before.

Later I learned that this was a setup deliberately arranged by Li Wei and her husband, hoping to break the deadlock between Zhang Kai and me. Unexpectedly, the result was the opposite.

At the baby's one-month celebration the next day, I was completely distracted. Even though the baby was well-behaved, I had no desire to play with him. I ate a few bites of food and drank a couple of glasses of wine before leaving the table. I didn't want to see Zhang Kai's face, which evoked both love and hate. Li Wei left the baby with my grandmother and accompanied me back to her house. The men were still drinking and socializing at the hotel. I talked with Li Wei for a long time. I felt that Zhang Kai and I were basically over

. At least, I was completely exhausted and just wanted to leave Shanghai and return to Chongqing as soon as possible. Li Wei understood my personality and didn't try to persuade me further. Before the men returned from the hotel, I went out alone. Walking through the bustling city of Shanghai, I felt lost. My mind was filled with memories of Zhang Kai. I knew I shouldn't recall these things, but I felt a deep sense of resentment. After all, our feelings hadn't fundamentally changed. Should I really have to let go? I didn't know where to go next.

Li Wei's house wasn't far from the long-distance bus station, and I ended up here somewhat haphazardly. Shouldn't I have taken a taxi to the train station? Well, thinking about it, it wasn't a bad idea. Back then, there were no high-speed trains, and taking a bus or train back to Chongqing would take more than twenty hours, with similar ticket prices. Since I was already at the bus station, I figured I might as well try it out! I bought a 500-yuan deluxe sleeper ticket. According to the ticket seller, it was a brand-new double-decker air-conditioned sleeper bus, currently in trial operation to accumulate experience for future long-distance tourist routes.

The bus was indeed huge. The lower deck had three vertical rows of sleeper berths, about 30 in total, somewhat like sofas. Each berth was quite narrow, just enough for one person to lie down. The upper deck had only 10 beds, five on each side. These beds were more than twice the size and much softer and more comfortable. There were partitions and curtains separating the beds, making them relatively private. The price difference between the top and bottom cabins was 150 yuan. Although the top cabin was definitely more comfortable, these days not many people are willing to pay for long-distance bus travel, and even fewer would pay an extra 150 yuan to "enjoy" this so-called comfort. I chose the top cabin purely for peace and quiet.

The train didn't seem to have many passengers; the bottom cabin was only about two-thirds full. There were only three people in the top cabin: an elderly couple in the second row, and a female attendant at the front, who seemed to be in charge of emergency medical care. Also, if a passenger in the bottom cabin wanted to switch berths to the top cabin, they only needed to pay her an extra 150 yuan. I went straight to the last row, on the right, and sat down.

Taking off my high heels, I rubbed my feet, then lay down, feeling much more relaxed. However, my thoughts were still lingering in the tangled world of emotions, so I simply closed my eyes, pretending not to see those troubles. After a while, I felt the train start moving, so I opened my eyes and saw a man in his thirties sitting in the opposite berth. He was wearing glasses, a tie, and looked rather polite and friendly, not like a bad guy. But I still instinctively pulled the blanket over my lower body. I was wearing flesh-colored stockings over a knee-length skirt, partly because the train had air conditioning on and I didn't want to catch a cold.

It was already evening, the sky was darkening, and the streetlights were coming on. I suddenly felt a bit hungry, so I reached for my bag, only to realize that I had been so lost in thought that I had forgotten to buy anything. Although the bus was still traveling through downtown Shanghai, I couldn't very well ask the driver to stop and make a whole busload of people wait for me to buy something. I couldn't help but exclaim, "Oh dear!" The man opposite me heard me and leaned over to ask what was wrong. I said, "Sorry, nothing." He seemed to sense my hesitation and my hungry and tired expression, so he switched to Sichuan dialect and asked if I was from Chongqing. I said yes. He said he was too. Although I thought his way of striking up a conversation was a bit old-fashioned, there weren't many people in the top cabin, so chatting with him wouldn't hurt.

I asked him what he did for a living and why he had chosen to take a long-distance bus back to Chongqing. He said he was a surgeon at the First Affiliated Hospital of Chongqing Medical University named Lin Yihua, and he had come to Shanghai for further studies and was now returning to Chongqing after completing his training. He said he took the bus because he hated the noise of trains, and surprisingly, he shared my fear of heights and flying. After his introduction, my guard was completely down, because the First Affiliated Hospital of Chongqing Medical University was near my parents' house, and what he said made perfect sense. I also generously told him my real name and occupation, and complained that I had momentarily forgotten to buy dinner.

Upon learning this, Lin Yihua readily took a box of Guanshengyuan cakes from his suitcase and handed it to me, saying he had originally brought them home for his father. I said I couldn't accept that. He said it was alright, he had bought two boxes, and that too much sweets weren't good for the elderly; a taste would suffice. I was indeed a little hungry, so I didn't refuse anymore and asked him how much he had paid. Lin Yihua said, "Girl, you know the character of Chongqing people—they're straightforward. If I took your money, would I still be a Chongqing person? Besides, this little thing isn't worth much." He then casually handed me an unopened bottle of Wahaha soda. Unable to refuse his hospitality, I shamelessly accepted it all. I chatted with him while enjoying my meal, learning that he became a doctor because his mother died young, and he wanted to use his medical skills to save other mothers' lives. A slightly wicked thought crossed my mind: not all mothers deserve saving, like Zhang Kai's mother.

Before long, I'd eaten most of the cake, and the lemon-flavored soda was quite to my liking; I'd never paid attention to this drink before, and it was pretty good. There's a saying in Chongqing, "A full stomach makes you sleepy, an empty one makes you feel refreshed," and I felt sleepy right after eating. So, after saying goodbye to Lin Yihua, I closed the curtains and turned off the small yellow lamp by my bedside.

But for some reason, I suddenly started to feel hot, like the suffocating heat before a storm. If I were at home, I would definitely take off my short-sleeved shirt and bra and change into loose pajamas.

But now I was on a bus, and there was a grown man I'd just met in the opposite berth.

The feeling of wanting to sleep but being too hot to do anything was incredibly frustrating. No matter how much I tossed and turned, I couldn't calm myself down, so I sat up and pulled back the curtain to let in some fresh air. Lin Yihua, who was playing on his phone, saw me pull back the curtain and immediately asked what was wrong. I said I was feeling upset. He said we hadn't even reached Suzhou yet, and the night was still long.

He suggested I listen to some music to relax. Seeing I didn't answer, he turned and sat on the edge of the bed, saying, "How about this? If you trust me, I can give you a foot massage. Although my specialty is general surgery, I've also studied massage. You know there are many acupoints on the soles of the feet; massaging them can help you sleep."

His words were very informal; if I refused, it would mean I didn't trust him. But suddenly accepting a massage from a stranger of the opposite sex seemed a little awkward. I looked at the berths in front of me; the elderly couple seemed to be asleep, not moving at all. The flight attendant probably went to the lower deck but hadn't seen them. While I was still hesitating, Lin Yihua spoke again: "Don't worry, young lady. In the eyes of us doctors, patients don't discriminate by gender." "Your profession, which requires standing for long periods, makes you prone to varicose veins. I can teach you how to prevent

it effectively." Seeing his sincere attitude and after spending two hours with him, I intuitively felt he wasn't the type to have ulterior motives, so I agreed. Lin Yihua sat down beside my feet and began massaging them, turning sideways. Honestly, his technique was very professional; he clearly had formal training. Seeing that he was having some difficulty turning sideways, I asked him to take off his shoes and sit on the bed. Being intimately alone with a nearly complete stranger in such a cramped space was a first for me. In the dim light of the bedside lamp, I carefully observed Dr. Lin. He was quite handsome, with a scholarly air. I'd heard that medical school usually takes at least five years, sometimes eight; someone his age probably hadn't been working for many years.

His massage felt very comfortable, but I was still very hot and drowsy. At this moment, I was actually quite conflicted. I was afraid that I might fall asleep and be taken advantage of without even realizing it, yet I was also enjoying the pleasure transmitted to my feet. My eyes were opening and closing intermittently, and my consciousness was beginning to blur. I vaguely heard Dr. Lin say, "Let me massage your calves again." Before I could react, his hands had already started to touch my calves. I wasn't sure if he was actually massaging me; I only felt his hands idly caressing my calves through the thin, sheer fabric of his underwear. Although drunk guests had touched my legs before while I worked at the hotel, it had only lasted a few seconds, and even Zhang Kai had never touched me like that.

Dr. Lin's hands started to become more restless, even slipping inside my skirt to touch my thigh. I immediately felt something was wrong and tried to stop him, but I felt completely powerless, and my throat felt like it was being choked, preventing me from making a sound. Because I wasn't wearing pantyhose, but rather thigh-high stockings, when his hand touched the top of my thigh, our skin was in complete contact for the first time. To be honest, his hands were very delicate, like those of someone who would use a scalpel, not the kind of rough, unpleasant hands that people find repulsive.

He began to make some tentative, teasing movements, repeatedly stroking the inside of my thighs. I felt a reaction in my private parts; it itched. I didn't know how to escape this close, blatant harassment, and I just helplessly twisted my body. I'm not a conservative woman, nor am I so open-minded as to sleep with just anyone, but at that moment, a phrase that had been circulating online for a long time suddenly popped into my mind: "Life is like being raped; when you can't resist, then you just lie down and enjoy it..." I thought I heard Dr. Lin calling my name, Xin Xin. At that moment, I even had a fleeting illusion that the person opposite me was Zhang Kai, whom I had once deeply loved. Two years ago, on a train from Shanghai to Dalian, Zhang Kai and I had sex once, and I was the one who initiated it. My guard began to loosen, probably because I hadn't enjoyed sex in a long time, and Dr. Lin's teasing was basically a success. Seeing that I was powerless to resist, he brazenly slipped his hand inside my underwear. Actually, I was already wet down there, and when he rubbed his fingers around my labia, it became a vast, glistening mess. I moaned softly with excitement. Where had my restraint and shame gone? I suddenly felt an urge for him to do something even more stimulating. Dr. Lin seemed to read my mind. He pinched my clitoris between his thumb and forefinger, gently squeezing and pulling, gradually increasing the pressure as I reacted, making it almost unbearable.

I completely lost control of my mind and body, like a flood breaking through a dam.

I actually opened my arms and hugged Dr. Lin. Dr. Lin was clearly startled by my unexpected action, momentarily stunned, but after only a few seconds of hesitation, he dropped his gentlemanly facade and pounced on my chest like a hungry cat.

Even with my eyes closed, I could tell he was a seasoned veteran. Unlike Zhang Kai, who was completely flustered and panting when he touched my breasts, Dr. Lin gently massaged my right breast with his right hand while unbuttoning my shirt with his left. His breathing was even, and his movements were practiced; he was likely a married man. After unbuttoning my shirt, he didn't rush to undo my bra. Instead, he placed both hands on my bra and rhythmically rubbed them up and down, making my whole body tingle and making me long for him to pinch my nipples as soon as possible. Looking back now, how shameful it is that I had such lewd thoughts back then!

I was wearing a front-clasp bra, and he easily displayed my breasts to him.

My breasts are the most sensitive part of my body, and the organ I masturbate the most when I shower alone. What I'm most satisfied with isn't how full my breasts are, but the harmonious proportion between my nipples and breasts. I've seen the breasts of some girls showering in the school bathhouse; some have large breasts but small nipples, while others have inverted nipples. Dr. Lin's warm hands kept circling around my breasts, making me even more uncomfortable. When he felt the time was right, he suddenly pinched my nipples with his index fingers and thumbs. Instantly, I felt like I was struck by lightning, and I couldn't help but let out a soft moan. Perhaps afraid that my moan would wake the elderly couple in front of us, he quickly covered my mouth with his hand and said, "Xin Xin, let's be quiet."

He kept fiddling with my nipples with his fingers, and my entire breast became very firm. It felt like all the nerves in my body were concentrated on those two points; this pleasure was unprecedented. Unfortunately, this pleasure wasn't given to me by Zhang Kai, and I felt sorry for Zhang Kai's lack of understanding of romance. One wave of stimulation barely subsided before another surged forth. Dr. Lin removed his glasses, lowered his head, and began circling my breasts with his tongue again. I clung tightly to his waist, afraid this exciting and stimulating tactile experience would vanish in an instant.

When he took my nipple into his mouth, my body trembled. The last line of defense deep within me crumbled instantly, and I was forced to completely submit to his rhythm. This man was extraordinary! He was like a legendary martial arts master who could wield eighteen weapons. Whether he was teasing my nipples with the tip of his tongue, pulling them upwards with his lips, or sucking on them like a baby nursing, the angle and pressure were perfect. Every movement made me feel like a fairy. I only regretted that I wasn't at home or in the middle of nowhere, unable to shout out all the joy and unease in my heart.

Dr. Lin seemed particularly fond of my breasts, playing with them for almost half an hour before finally remembering to kiss my lips.

His tongue slid up my breast and reached my mouth. He wanted to insert his tongue, but I wasn't willing. In my mind, the mouth is for eating; nothing else, no matter how dirty, should enter. Even when I gave Zhang Kai oral sex, he wouldn't allow it unless he washed it two or three times. Besides, if it wasn't someone I truly loved, I would find it emotionally difficult to accept my tongue intertwined with someone else's. He tried several times, but my lips remained tightly closed, so he gave up, only continuing to kiss my outer lips, my face, and my forehead.

While kissing me, his hands weren't idle. His left hand continued to pinch my nipples, while his right hand reached inside my underwear, inserting his middle and ring fingers into my vagina, probing like a miner. I panted heavily, anticipating another storm. Dr. Lin seemed to see right through me. He quickly stripped off his own clothes and rubbed his already hard penis against my skirt, like a soldier sharpening his bayonet before a charge. I thought he would take off my skirt, but instead, he simply inserted his penis into the side of my underwear. For men, wouldn't this make it easier to feel excited and conquer?

This Dr. Lin, being a medical student, clearly understood the female body very well. While thrusting, he held my breast tightly with his right hand, igniting both of my erogenous zones simultaneously. Having not tasted a man's touch for over half a year, I was practically limp, incredibly high. Dr. Lin still took off my underwear, his penis becoming even more flexible, sometimes thrusting sideways, sometimes on top of me, bringing me to multiple orgasms. Honestly, I was starting to lose control, not just because of the pain, but also because I was terrified of losing control and screaming to be discovered.

I don't know how long it lasted, but Dr. Lin finally stopped. By then, we were both covered in sweat and exhausted. Like returning home from an unparalleled, wonderful trip, I was so tired that I quickly lost consciousness—yes, I fell asleep. When I woke up, it was already past 10 a.m. the next day, and the bus had just arrived in Wuhan. I don't know if I had a wonderful dream or a nightmare. When I opened my eyes, I found the berth opposite me empty. Where did Lin Yihua go? I was still a little dazed, but I immediately became much more alert. I quickly straightened my underwear, shirt, and skirt, smoothed my messy hair, and as I was about to stand up, I suddenly realized that my underwear and stockings had vanished! My head spun. Had I encountered a perverted sex fiend? Later, I sat down and thought about it. It was very likely that they were covered in men's semen, and Lin Yihua was afraid that I would report him for it, so he took them. After thinking about it for a while, I felt a little scared. Did he ejaculate inside me? I didn't want to be pregnant!

In Wuhan, the bus stopped for almost an hour, so I quickly went to a supermarket near the gas station to buy pants and socks, threw away the skirt, and changed into a pair of long pants. Back on the bus, I asked the conductor about Lin Yihua's whereabouts. She said that when the bus stopped in Hefei in the middle of the night (national regulations stipulate that long-distance buses with only one driver must stop for at least four hours in the early morning), he got off and left, saying he wouldn't be back on the bus. She said, "I thought you two were friends, seeing how enthusiastically you were chatting." Her eyes held a hint of mockery as she said this, as if she knew about my affair with Lin Yihua. I felt awkward and didn't ask any more questions.

Twelve hours later, I finally returned to Chongqing. Walking through the streets of my hometown late at night, everything felt so familiar and comforting, but I felt an overwhelming sense of loss. It wasn't just because of the ambiguous encounter on the bus, but more so because a deeply unforgettable relationship was about to end.

PS: Later, I saw a scene in the TV series "Lurking" where Yu Zecheng injected a contraindicated medication for asthma patients into a Kuomintang officer's favorite red wine. The officer suffered an asthma attack and was hospitalized. Thinking back on my behavior that day, it was obvious that Lin Yihua had drugged me with some kind of aphrodisiac and I'd ended up having sex with him without really understanding what was going on. What struck me as odd was that when I was packing my things on the bus, the half-eaten box of cake Lin Yihua had given me was still there, but the soda bottle was nowhere to be found. As for Lin Yihua, he's always been a mystery to me. I checked with the surgery department at the First Affiliated Hospital of Chongqing Medical University, and there is indeed such a doctor, but he's almost fifty years old and looks completely different. It seems I was drugged and raped by a conman…

[The End]

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A long-distance bus dream

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