Desperate Detention, Part 1

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-24

Chapter 1: My Life is a Tragedy
A summer night, a warm, humid breeze sweeps across the city's night sky.
I stand outside the walls of a newly built community called "Xi Hua Yuan" in this urban-rural fringe area, letting the dark green
iron railings and the shadows of the plane trees conceal my figure in the darkness. I take a deep breath, ignoring
the dusty air, the summer heat, trying to steady my breathing and calm my nerves,
but with little effect… My tightly clenched hands are covered in slippery sweat, I can clearly
hear my heart pounding, and feel my bones and joints
cracking from tension…
I just stare at Building 23 of "Xi Hua Yuan," a dark, desolate shadow in the night sky, with only
a few scattered lights, telling the story of the almost empty occupancy rate of this common type of newly built community.
…
I forgot to introduce myself, my name is Ishikawa Yue, and I'm currently an unemployed person who has just lost my job.
Just a month ago, I was a real estate agent at a small branch of "Wannian Real Estate" in the Xinkongjiang District
.
Tonight, I'm going to sneak into this community, go to apartment 03 on the 17th floor of building 23, and rape a
high school girl!
...
But the story has to start from the beginning.
My name is Shi Chuanyue. Because "Chuanyue" sounds like "time travel," I've often been given
nicknames and jokes since I was little. Actually, my name has nothing to do with time travel. My dad gave me this name
purely as a homonym for the auspicious meaning of "a long river flowing into the sea, a carp leaping over the dragon gate."
However, I haven't been able to flow into any sea or leap over any dragon gate. I
grew up in a dilapidated small county town, and my grades were just average from a young age. Apart from sports, I didn't have any decent grades in my studies.
I also learned to smoke, skip classes, fight, occasionally play mahjong or poker, and even commit petty theft,
extorting pocket money from elementary school students next door with a few buddies… Although I didn't do anything particularly illegal or disorderly
, sometimes I would carry around a bladed military knife I'd bought online, thinking I was some kind of gangster.
Although I seemed quite bold and capable in a fight back then… I never really became a gangster.
After graduating from high school, I left my hometown in a daze and came to this big city, claiming it was to make my way in the world,
but really I just did odd jobs with meager pay. I've worked as a loader, waiter, internet cafe manager, and
furniture installer—basically, all
jobs . My last job was as a real estate agent; after all, these jobs have
low barriers to entry and flexible hours…
Actually, today's big cities in China are teeming with young people like me, living hand to mouth.
After paying rent, utilities, food, shelter, and other necessities, my wallet is often empty
. During that time, I only had one girlfriend on a construction site—a very ordinary one—and it was a quick affair. As for
the sexual desires of a man my age, besides masturbation, I occasionally went to a hair salon to find a shampoo girl for release
.
"Fortunately," my single father passed away at a young age. I know saying "fortunately"
doesn't sound very filial, but financially speaking, it's true. His life savings were left to me a house in
our hometown . Unfortunately, a few years ago, housing prices skyrocketed, even in my small hometown, houses could sell for over
100,000 yuan. I sold that house, leaving me with 180,000 yuan in savings… I initially thought that as a real estate agent, I
knew the ropes and could gather information, find suitable properties, buy a house in the city, find
a wife and get married… But then I realized I was being foolish. With that amount of money, in a major city in China,
I couldn't even afford a toilet, let alone a house.
I put the money in the bank to earn interest, but then housing prices surged again, and I
regretted selling the house… Two years passed like this, and I became a ridiculous figure
: 180,000 yuan in savings, but no house, no relatives, and no stable job—one of the most
hopeless . Every day, I earnestly introduce how Zhang San and Li Si buy wedding houses, villas, and improve their living
conditions , persuading people to engage in various speculative financing schemes for buying houses… while I myself can only afford to rent.
Then… I met this girl named "Lulu" online.
Lulu is a high school student studying in the provincial capital, currently in her second year, and also a
female streamer on a live streaming platform.
Okay… I was quite surprised. In my understanding, singing
, acting cute, and playing games in a live streaming room are just considered a pastime or hobby. It turns out that these days,
being a female streamer can be considered a profession or career. Of course, since Lulu is only seventeen
years old and still in high school, it's rare to see such a young girl in a live streaming room, let alone a professional one.
Lulu's live streaming content mostly consists of singing, chatting, and sometimes even doing homework and explaining
exercises. Only occasionally will she perform some simple dance moves. Actually, Lulu's live stream
had very low viewership. At its peak, only two or three hundred people were watching simultaneously, and most of the time there were only
a hundred or even a few dozen viewers. Considering
the suspicion , I even doubted that she had more than a few dozen real viewers and fans. Many of the people who flooded the chat
were actually her classmates; it seemed they treated this live streaming platform like their class chat room.
According to Lulu herself, she was a second-year high school student who came to the provincial capital to study after being admitted to the No. 2 High School in the province. For convenience,
she was currently staying at her sister's house in the provincial capital.
The reason I was attracted to this little streamer with low viewership was perhaps simply because everything about Lulu, including her
image, speech, and live streaming content, was particularly pure and student-like, completely untouched by any worldly concerns. At that
time I also had some free time, and perhaps we just clicked
. She was a small haven for my soul, a place where I could relax and unwind after work every day.
Lulu never wears revealing clothes, never wears makeup or jewelry, and
doesn't even know how to use beauty filters. She certainly doesn't intentionally flirt or showcase her femininity.
Occasionally, when a few loose-lipped netizens pass by and say something suggestive, she blushes and frowns.
She was just a young girl still in school, sneaking
peeks at the internet during her breaks from studying... Coming from a small county town, I was probably more
attracted to her natural, innocent charm.
Her livestreams were quite simple. Usually, around 8 or 9 pm after school and dinner, she
would appear in front of the camera in her school uniform, chatting and laughing with her fans in the livestream room, talking about her
homework so on. Sometimes she would even seriously discuss how to solve physics and math problems. Her fans (who seemed
to be her classmates) always praised her as the most beautiful girl in her class, an artsy type, and would tease her, making her blush
... Occasionally she would sing a song, and only when she was particularly happy would she pull back the camera and perform a few very
basic ballet moves. Her singing was average, and her dance skills weren't professional, but her figure was light
and delicate, exuding a strong sense of youth and artistry. Every time she tiptoed or swung her arms, it was
breathtaking... at least it felt like a dream to me.
Actually, Lulu's face is quite pretty. She doesn't have the typical cookie-cutter V-shaped face of many online celebrities;
instead has a slightly round face with a small, round nose. Her cheeks are fair and soft, and her eyes
are a little small, turning into crescent moons when she smiles—quite distinctive. Lulu's figure is also quite petite. Besides her round
face , she sometimes gives off a delicate, fragile vibe, making you want to protect her
. She likes to wear a cute side ponytail, simple yet with a touch of playfulness. Her clothes
consist mainly of school uniforms and sportswear, occasionally a cute plain turtleneck sweater or a loose long-sleeved t-shirt.
Forget about showing any skin below the neck; you can hardly see anything.
However, this fresh, conservative, and natural campus style made her image and temperament as the class beauty of a top high school
stand out even more, making her even more charming...
At that time, I was really... sigh, looking back now, it was actually a different kind of lustful impulse and
overestimating myself ... I just developed an unrealistic, fantastical affection for this little girl who was clearly more than ten years younger than me.
Every night after work, I would often wait in her live stream until she finished broadcasting, chatting and laughing with her,
opening her private window, sending her comments, and occasionally sending her virtual gifts.
Because there were actually very few people in the live stream, excluding Lulu's classmates, I was one of the few loyal fans, and
Lulu was quite friendly to me. She called me Brother Stone, and I called her Lulu... Besides chatting about all
sorts of things, she would even complain to me that she would be a senior in high school next year and actually wanted to go to an arts school, but her parents and sister disagreed
and insisted that she take the college entrance examination and get a "proper major".
I would also pretend to be knowledgeable, hiding my instinctive violence and shallowness, and offer her some life advice. I would also
rack my brains to share interesting anecdotes from my work and society, often making her laugh heartily. As a real estate agent
, you always encounter all sorts of different people and all sorts of poignant or amusing life stories.
The Zhang family's divorce was about property, the Li family's alimony dispute was also about property... In the city, these are just the kinds of things that happen,
perfect topics of conversation with this naive young girl. Lulu loved listening to these stories...
At that time, I couldn't help but fantasize that there might be
some kind of .
Later, that live-streaming platform became popular for a while, with all sorts of activities and rules going wild. Lulu said that
her room, which had no viewers, couldn't possibly compete for a ranking, otherwise her assigned
room she would be quite disappointed if that happened.
I was one of her few adult fans, and in a moment of bravado, I boasted that I had just sold a large villa and
received a hefty commission. I then showered her room with gifts worth approximately 1300 yuan to keep it
"active."
Her room was mostly frequented by students, so they probably couldn't compete with me in that respect… My actions were the envy of not only
Lulu several of her regular young fans. I, too, couldn't resist playing the part of a
successful businessman, saying things like, "It's nothing," and "Don't worry about it," just to maintain appearances.
Those few days, she was incredibly grateful to me, thanking me privately. From then on, whenever she finished her live stream, she would
occasionally chat with me on WeChat or call me… Her voice, like a nightingale's song, captivated me…
Then, Lulu actually sent me 500 yuan back via WeChat. She said she wasn't after the gifts,
but just wanted to keep the live stream going. She sang, chatted, danced, and listened to
her classmates' praise in the live stream, which was a way to make up for her disappointment at not being able to take the art exam because her parents forced her to; she didn't want me
to spend money , so she took out all her pocket money to return to me. She knew it wasn't easy for me to earn money, and she wanted to
make up for my loss.
At the time, 500 yuan wasn't a small amount for me,
but since I had already spent it on impulse, I never thought about whether I regretted it or not. I never expected Lulu to
use her own pocket money to compensate me… I'm truly grateful that I met such a
pure , and who is so beautiful and charming. I declined a bit, but accepted the 500 yuan...
and then , I became even more uncontrollable, showering her with gifts in her room.
During that time, I admit I was a little obsessed; I even neglected my clients, spending all my time in
Lulu's livestream and on WeChat. I truly enjoyed the thrill of her opening my private chat window and messaging me on WeChat every day, like two
intimate lovers whispering secrets to thank me... Every time I sent a gift,
besides sweetly saying "Thank you, Brother Stone" in the livestream, she would always open my private chat window after the broadcast to thank
me, tell me about her life at school, and patiently listen to my continued rambling...
Once, I couldn't resist, perhaps wanting to test her feelings for me, I nervously made
a request . She didn't mind at all, and started occasionally sending me a quick
selfie or two before bed after the broadcast on WeChat.
It was such a private, intimate, even sweet feeling, a world just for the two of us. Although I'm not entirely sure I should
investigate further, I have a feeling that when a girl sends a guy a specific selfie, their
relationship has probably taken a big step forward.
Lulu's selfie was also makeup-free; it was basically just a selfie before bed. Simple and natural, clean and pretty.
She smiles at the camera with her crescent-shaped eyes, but the thought that this little girl took the picture just for me before falling asleep, in
her room, wearing casual clothes… makes me feel sweetly
intoxicated, my head buzzing with excitement, like I'm in love.
Sometimes, Lulu's selfies aren't even in her usual school uniform, but in her pajamas after her live
stream and shower… Although schoolgirl pajamas are definitely not sexy
, for a guy like me,
the colors, patterns, textures, and the symbolism of purity and privacy in a girl's pajamas from a top high school, even if they're completely covered up, might be more
exciting than sexy lingerie.
Moreover, the girl's clothes and room are truly exquisite... Lulu's live stream background is her
bedroom, which I estimate to be a small room of about 13 or 14 square meters. It's simply yet exquisitely painted, and the background in front of
the live stream camera is a small single birchwood bed measuring 1.2 feet. Lulu seems to prefer light blue;
sometimes her bed sheets are light blue with cartoon letters, and sometimes they're a more solid blue
. There's a light blue Winnie the Pooh lamp on a small bedside table. On
the wall is a jasmine-patterned sliding door wardrobe, which looks quite luxurious. Although it's never moved,
I imagine Lulu's clothes are neatly and exquisitely arranged inside. Lulu's curtains are a beige
plaid woolen style with fleece lining, and they're inlaid with cute little light blue stars. Sometimes, for the sake of the camera effect, there's a huge Shar Pei plush toy on her small bed
.
Everything was so exquisite, neat, delicate, and romantic… Lulu was very careful.
Sometimes , she'd neatly fold her school uniform or sweaters and place them on the bedside table, but throughout the entire shot,
there was absolutely no suggestive clothing that female anchors would deliberately include, let alone any lingerie or bras
… However, this simplicity, mystery, and warmth only made me more unable to resist fantasizing…
At first, I never fantasized about Lulu. I told myself she was a classmate, a friend, a little sister I met by chance
; she was my little angel… I could only cherish her, not defile her… But
as our relationship grew closer, one day, perhaps without her noticing, she
sent me a full-body selfie. The angle and effect were particularly striking; the lines beneath her thin, white cotton pajamas were
incredibly alluring. I then noticed: Lulu's small breasts were surprisingly round, and even under her school uniform,
they possessed a captivating curve. And Lulu's hips were so firm and full…
Nowadays, girls are well-nourished and well-maintained, so they develop better than our generation. Lulu
's figure, overall, appeared somewhat petite and delicate, but from that angle, from that photo, her
breasts, clearly visible beneath her bra and the two prominent
protrusions at the tips, were impossible to look away from… And her waist was so slender, and her adorable buttocks beneath her pajamas were
round and plump, not at all large, seemingly radiating the beauty and vitality of life and youth.
Then, comparing it to Lulu's fair and delicate skin, unique to a seventeen-year-old girl... that night, I couldn't help
myself and started fantasizing about Lulu's body, fantasizing about having sex with her, fantasizing about defiling her, desecrating her, violating her...
and in my frenzied masturbation,
I ejaculated all over the bed... From that day on, I became more and more excited to send her gifts, and more and more diligent in asking Lulu for selfies. I could
only fall asleep after fantasizing about Lulu every day... I imagined her neck, collarbone, veins, chest, breasts,
areolas, nipples, waist, spine, lower abdomen, navel, buttocks, thighs, calves, feet... and even
imagined her vagina and buttocks. Of course, I haven't seen any of this, but I can imagine it. I can take the most beautiful loli-type actress's body I
've seen , beautify it tenfold, and imagine it as Lulu. Then
I can imagine holding Lulu, kissing her, imagining her responding shyly, letting out a childish whimper,
covering her face in embarrassment. And then I can continue to caress and enjoy her body, feel her curves, defile her
purity , and taste her
virginity... Because she loves me too, she willingly offers her body to me for my pleasure. However, I often couldn't wait
long before I would uncontrollably ejaculate in a frenzy. I couldn't even reach the more stimulating parts. Sometimes,
just thinking about the foreplay, imagining her sitting in my lap, her little bottom nudging my genitals,
kissing me, letting me touch her breasts through her clothes—I couldn't bear it. My mind would become muddled, and I
would frantically masturbate until I reached orgasm. Those blasphemous, stimulating, or extreme
scenarios wouldn't even have time to surface… The more I fantasized, the more I idealized Lulu's body. I had never actually
seen her, but every detail of her body seemed vividly clear before my eyes—sight, touch,
taste… everything was so real and perfect.
I didn't have the right to date such an excellent girl; this was the kind of spiritual and physical union I imagined.
Of course, as my fantasies about Lulu grew stronger, I couldn't help but tentatively
confess . Every day I would send her "good morning," "good after no
on," and "good good," and I would pretend to sing to her on WeChat, "Just like this
all day, a world for two..." I would start kissing her with emojis, and I would
compliment her with slightly flirtatious remarks. I even foolishly sent her a few photos of myself that I thought looked pretty good.
Lulu didn't seem to like my overly suggestive jokes. Sometimes, if I said something a little too much,
she would get angry and annoyed, "Brother Stone, if you keep doing this, I won't talk to you anymore!" But this pure, lovely,
and innocent demeanor only made my feelings for her stronger. Subconsciously, I
idealized as an untainted fairy, a gift from God to me, the loser.
... Then, when I came to my senses, I realized that I had already spent 350,000 yuan
in Lulu's live stream ! Yes , it really happened without me even realizing it. Although Lulu kept advising me not to send so many gifts, maybe it was because Lulu's thanks were always so sincere; maybe it was because every time I sent a gift, she would...

I interacted with Lulu, and each individual gift I sent didn't feel too much pressure. Sometimes it was tens of yuan,
sometimes hundreds, occasionally thousands…
In short, when I felt immense pressure and checked my account, it was like a dream… I
had spent 350,000 yuan! Besides the 180,000 yuan inheritance my father left me, the rest
was from several credit cards I had overdrawn, and even some client deposits I had misappropriated.
Humans are truly good at escaping. Of course, I knew I was broke, but
as long as the company and clients weren't pressuring me more and more, I could continue this hedonistic escape. Because
as long as I kept sending gifts, I could play another version of myself with Lulu—not a useless,
urban loser real estate agent, but someone
"capable and resourceful" who could offer girls support, dreams, and trust. That feeling was too good; I couldn't stop. Stopping would be like ending a dream,
losing everything…
Lulu wanted to climb the rankings, so I sent gifts! Lulu wanted to be featured, so I sent gifts! Lulu wanted to be on the homepage, so I spent money on gifts! Lulu wanted to
participate in activities, so I spent money on gifts! It wasn't just Lulu's admiration and dependence on me; even her classmates
clearly respected and envied me. In their student eyes, I was different from the student world—
a successful adult with the maturity, pride, and success of someone who could freely manage money.
…Although, besides my meager salary and commissions, I actually had no other source of income.
Looking back on Alibaba now, it all seems like a ridiculous farce.
It wasn't until a client discovered something amiss, contacted my company, and my company fired me without
hesitation , severing all ties and sending me a lawyer's letter demanding repayment of the deposits, that I frantically
borrowed money and started looking for work. Only then did I seem to wake up from a dream and realize: I had made a huge mistake.
But I can't blame Lulu; it was all my own choice. Lulu didn't force me, or even
actively ask me to… However, my most serious problem now isn't the company chasing me for money,
but … I really can't afford to spend any more money on gifts.
Cash was long gone, all the credit cards were locked, and the last bit of money had been spent on virtual
gifts…
That platform was holding some kind of offline carnival event, and streamers with a certain number of activity points could be
invited. Lulu was a small, unknown streamer, but because she still dreamed of becoming an actress, and the event had
media participation, she really wanted to go, perhaps hoping for some opportunity… This time, she
did tentatively ask me, quite apologetically, but… I really couldn’t afford to send any more gifts.
Perhaps it was a momentary lapse of judgment, or perhaps it was the panic of waking up from a dream that caused my movements to become distorted, but that day,
I finally managed to "invite Lulu out for tea" and have a chat...
I numbed myself, hoping it would be a date, a turning point in our relationship.
The scene was something like this:
I would meet Lulu in a coffee shop, and of course, she would be dressed up beautifully and charmingly. Then, like a mature older brother in a South Korean
drama, I would have a heartfelt yet domineering and handsome chat with her, telling her that everything on the live streaming
platform was just marketing, that she should focus on her studies and not get caught up in it, that she would be a senior in high school next year and
should study hard to get into university, or... that she should confront her parents and, if she wanted to take the art exam
, she should take it. As for me, I would still be there in the live streaming room to accompany her and take care of her, but I would stop playing those vain
games. She'll probably be touched. She must already have feelings for me. A seventeen-year-old girl should be
experiencing her first stirrings of love, with a heart capable of appreciating romance, beginning to understand matters between men and women. In today's
information-rich society, even a pure girl like Lulu should understand what love is.
She might already be infatuated with me. She might shyly confess to me, telling me she doesn't understand anything,
knows nothing, but will listen to me. Then, she'll shyly hint that she's still young and hasn't thought much about
those things. When she says this, she'll secretly look at me, afraid I'll be angry—that look will be
incredibly cute and charming… Then, I'll generously tell her I can wait for her to grow up, until she graduates from university.
She'll be very happy… Then, I'll ask her out a few more times, and finally, one day, she won't be able to resist, and we 'll share our first kiss
in a dimly lit corner. She would offer her lips—those delicate, thin, melodious, and lovely lips
she had never offered to a man before. I would sprinkle a gentle yet firm touch of my emotions onto her lips, etching my mark. Perhaps… during the kiss, taking advantage of her infatuation, for the first time, through her sweater, I would touch her intoxicating breasts, or through her jeans, I would caress her firm buttocks—the physical contact I had longed for. I had wanted to truly feel the elasticity of Lulu's body for so long… Then, at that time, I would hold her close, with fearless courage and a nonchalant tone, and tell her: I spent hundreds of thousands for her. She would let out a soft moan and throw herself into my arms, saying it was all her fault, begging for my forgiveness, saying she was sorry. I would generously tell her: Money can be earned again, but our love will last forever. Then, she would be incredibly embarrassed, but to express her apology and gratitude, she would kiss me, cuddle me, and even rub her breasts and genitals against me, just like young couples in love do when they secretly do things under the shade of a tree. Because the best gift was her body. A few days later, after she goes to university, I will personally unbutton her clothes in a clean little hotel, unhook her bra, and remove the panties that tightly hug her buttocks. I will thoroughly observe all her secrets, all her tenderness, and all her delicacy. Then I will caress and kiss , using my hands and my lips to assert my dominance over her body... until she is aroused, until she melts like a hot spring, until she begins to dazedly let me press her down... Finally, I can use my masculine and powerful penis to explore her shameful maiden's honey hole, to explore into her pink, juicy pubic flesh ... I will be very gentle, with a few silky bloodstains and the slightly painful expression of a girl losing her virginity, to bring Lulu and me into a completely new world for two.

Looking back now, aren't those presumptuous, lustful guys who think with their lower bodies always ridiculously
indulging in their own fantasies?
In reality, that "date" was nothing like I imagined; it was absolutely awful.
Lulu seemed dissatisfied with my appearance and my eagerness… In the coffee shop, we chatted
for a while, and I mentioned my feelings for her, but the atmosphere was awkward… It was obvious she was just being polite;
the disappointment of a city girl meeting a boring, working-class online friend was palpable. She was still
as cute and talkative as ever, but the first part of her conversation was essentially just one thing: she really wanted to go to that
carnival. And… she seemed quite clever; she could tell from my expression that I was
out of options and couldn't support her anymore. So, the second part of her conversation was another simple message: she
had homework to review and had to leave… All my carefully prepared lines never got a chance to be uttered.
That day, I walked back to my rented room in a daze, like I was drunk.
That's how the dream ended. I woke up, my whole body wracked with excruciating pain.
Despair, frustration, anger, and humiliation surged through me. Not at Lulu, but at my own pathetic state.
Why hadn't I thought of this before?! What a ridiculous fool I was!
She was seventeen, I was twenty-five.
She was born in a big city, I was born in an unknown little county.
She was a high school sophomore, at a prestigious school, with a bright future ahead of her, regardless of whether she went to art school… I
only had a worthless high school diploma.
She had a bright future, while I was just a bankrupt real estate agent, a complete idiot.
She was so beautiful… and I was so ordinary, even pathetic.
She showed me the beauty of a world, but forgot to remind me: that splendor was not something I
deserved . Her life might have been a flower-lined country path, and I was just
a frog she stumbled upon on the roadside; while my life was like a coffee table, covered with tragedies.
Then, the more I thought back, the worse that meeting seemed. Didn't I realize that my
clothes and shoes weren't designer brands? Did I pay attention to my outfit? Was I too vulgar? Did I lack
any proper manners? Didn't I realize that even the small detail of ordering a coffee exposed my
poverty and low-class status as a working-class city dweller? Didn't I realize that besides surviving a few more years in this world
, I had no masculine charm to boast about or display?
I actually wanted to pursue a girl who was the prettiest girl in a top high school, and it was a year-long relationship at that. Did I think I was some kind of tycoon?
I was so absurd, fantasizing about what might happen between us… And
the foundation of all these ridiculous sexual fantasies was the last bit of inheritance my father left me and
the debts .
Despair, frustration, anger, humiliation. I truly understood
the meaning of "a tragic life" to the core.
Humans are so ridiculous. Then, perhaps to escape the pain of the real world, for those few days,
instead masturbated even more frantically, fantasizing about Lulu and masturbating wildly.
The scenarios in my fantasies grew increasingly exaggerated, intense, perverse, evil, and boundless. That anger, humiliation,
despair, and frustration transformed into increasingly desecrating lustful thoughts about Lulu.
My fantasies began to focus not on "making love" with her, but on "raping" her, even "defiled
," humiliated, and tortured her. My fantasies ranged from erotic novels to pornographic films, encompassing the most extreme fantasies from
the . Sometimes, Lulu would become a bound girl,
tied up and raped by me in the most lewd ways; sometimes, I would drag her to my filthy rented room to imprison her, forcing
her to serve me helplessly in distress and pain; sometimes, Lulu would become some kind of female knight-errant or nurse, her
clothing and identity constantly evolving towards the fantastical and stimulating; sometimes, Lulu would even become my sister, my
daughter, calling me brother, calling me father, and committing incest with me… In short, the more intense and brutal, the better
. Each time, the final outcome was always the same: under some form of violence or coercion, she was forced to
cry, feel ashamed, despair, and suffer, using her purest body to perform the most
humiliating I would play with her breasts, and I increasingly fantasized about her crying as she
performed oral sex on me, and out of fear and helplessness, she would eventually stick out her delicate little buttocks like a puppy, making it easier for me
to penetrate her… And I would penetrate her body in the most shameful position, listen to her pleasure, enjoy her loss of
virginity … and then… comfort my actually humiliated and desperate self-esteem.
Sometimes, I fantasize that she finally realizes it's all her fault, then kneels before me,
begging for my forgiveness. She humbly and humiliatingly removes her school uniform, wearing only her innocent yet alluring lingerie,
rubbing her breasts and vulva against me, torturing herself to give me pleasure, begging me to enjoy her body to
atone for her mistakes… In that scene, I sneer, I'm dismissive; she continues to beg, I continue to
be dismissive … Finally, she can only climb on top of me, forcefully sitting down, willingly using
the bright red of her virgin blood and her tender screams of deflowering to console my dignity…
My fantasies about Lulu have evolved from tender, warm, and mutually agreeable lovemaking
into a frenzied, stimulating, perverse, and utterly depraved act.
In my fantasies, during masturbation and orgasm, I gain my last shred of dignity.
But in the real world, I feel even more embarrassed and humiliated.
Lulu seemed to realize that I was actually a tall, strapping, penniless guy who couldn't afford to send her any more
gifts, or perhaps she had never thought of it before. But as I desperately tried to get something out of her with
my words , she began to notice my vulgarity and lust, and she became increasingly open about
expressing her disgust. She was practically stating it outright: she was a high school student, not yet an adult, and all my
romantic advances were blasphemous and insulting to her… It was all just my own wishful thinking; I
should mature and stop going on like this.
I was like a fool. I laughed wildly, I masturbated frantically, I was disheveled, and I continued masturbating… I
really was a fool.
I started stroking my sharpened military dagger.
The more desperate a person is, the more insane they become, and the more irrational their actions become... Until the day before yesterday, I gave her
a gift worth 1,000 yuan in one go, then opened her private message and told her that I liked her, that I loved her, and that I
wanted to be with her... hoping she would give me a chance.
She returned my money and sent me a long, seemingly heartfelt message, telling me she was still young and
wouldn't consider such things, expressing her apologies for causing me misunderstanding. She continued,
"Brother Stone, I hope we can still be friends, but my classmates say that in this situation, saying
'let's be friends' is a hint that could easily lead to further misunderstandings and confusion. We should both be more
mature . My words, actions, even a single expression shouldn't disturb your life or cause you further
misunderstandings. So I've decided to stop contacting you, hoping for your understanding. I hope this immature
little decision will become a slightly awkward yet sweet and warm memory in your future life. You
can laugh and talk with your future wife and children, remembering me as a mischievous girl, a passerby in your life… I'm
so sorry."
How beautifully she wrote it, how mature, how considerate, how romantic, even using the formal "you"... and then, she blocked me.
I was taught by a seventeen-year-old girl, in a gentle yet educational tone, how to be a person,
how to handle relationships correctly, how to mature…
I squandered everything my father left me; I still owe seven credit cards and a loan from a small loan company.
What I left behind… was a memory of a seventeen-year-old girl teaching me how to be a person.
Actually, I know very well that all of this is my own doing, and I can't blame Lulu. It was my own
stupidity, lust, fantasies, immaturity, ignorance, unrealistic expectations, and irresponsibility that led to
this situation. I was a lolicon, I had erotic dreams, I read too many romance novels or watched too many pornographic films, I was
a toad trying to eat swan meat, attempting to possess a girl I didn't deserve… I never faced
the gap between my social class and my desires. It was my vanity, my pretense of wealth, my lack of self-control… it was my
fantasy… that I deserved the love of a pure, artistic, and beautiful girl.
Lulu has never lied to me... hasn't she? Even if she's a bit vain,
she showed some deliberate gratitude and affection when she received my gifts... but she never said anything about repaying me with her body
or In fact, she's very careful with her words, never even saying "I like you." Am I just deceiving myself...?
But, when a person reaches this point, if they don't find something to vent their anger on, could they really... commit suicide?
...
At this moment, I truly understand the saying, "My life is like a coffee table, covered with
tragedies"... People can joke about this, but only those truly abandoned by life
can appreciate the sorrow, despair, and deep self-mockery within it.
I can't face all of this, just like every time I can't face it and choose to escape...
I continue to choose to escape. Like someone who sings terribly going to karaoke, sometimes they deliberately
sing louder and more off-key, I just want to make everything worse, more chaotic, more
absurd, to cover up my previous awfulness, chaos, and absurdity.
I found out that Lulu was staying in the same neighborhood as her sister… I took with me the sharpened triangular bayonet
that had been with me for years, yet had also been hidden under my bed for just as long…
I was already despairing of my life, which was as worthless as a coffee table. I didn't have the courage to face the humiliation life had inflicted upon me.
I was going to sneak into Lulu's room, I was going to rape her! I was going to fulfill my lewd sexual fantasies,
I was going to use her virgin blood and the rest of my life to atone for my tragic, coffee table-like existence!

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Desperate Detention, Part 1

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