Unbearable days

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Many years have passed, and while the memories are somewhat hazy, the recollections remain vivid.

That night in 2008, when I was fifteen, my uncle's 21-year-old daughter sexually assaulted me.

This caused me to develop a deep aversion to the opposite sex; it was truly a source of fear. Every year, people from the Hunan area go to Nanyue to worship Buddha, but that year I was sick and couldn't go. My whole family happened to leave her at home to take care of me. I still don't understand why she, not my own sister, chose to stay and care for me; perhaps she had been coveted for a long time.

After dinner, she said she wanted to take a shower to cool off, and then she dragged me to the shower. At the time, I really enjoyed watching "Qin's Moon," and maybe my sexual awakening was late, so I just stood there praying she would finish the shower quickly so I could watch TV. After the shower, she was wearing very short shorts and a bra (I think that's what I found online).

Because at that time, our family was considered wealthy in our town; we had a seven-story building, and my older brother lived on the first floor. My uncle's family lives on the second floor, my younger uncle's family lives on the second floor, my family lives on the third floor, and floors 4, 5, and 6 are all guest rooms. We never lack rooms during holidays. Normally, we sleep on whichever floor we feel like. Each floor has six rooms. However, in my memory, when I was little, many of us kids would squeeze into two beds to sleep. My younger uncle's family had two, my older uncle's family had three, and my family had three. Each family only had one boy, so we slept together just for fun.

Then, my nightmare began. She started to make physical contact with me intentionally or unintentionally. Soon I felt uncomfortable, so I ran to the inner room. Maybe that's where she fell for. While I was watching TV with great interest, she had already touched my back. She hugged me and started rubbing my penis. I struggled and said it was itchy while watching TV. Soon I got hard. Maybe she got impatient and just threw the small notebook aside. She pinned me to the bed, and I was instantly stunned. She forcefully ripped off the cloth covering me, and she used a rope to tie my hands and feet to the bedposts. I was terrified; the gentle older sister I knew was gone. Looking at her face, contorted with rage from the force, I was filled with fear. In a few quick movements, she stripped naked and plopped down on my face. The smell was like raw meat, salted raw meat. Then she kept rubbing her face against mine. I felt like I was suffocating. I don't know if you understand that feeling—suffocation, fear, helplessness, despair. At that moment

, I felt a mix of emotions. I felt like a submissive, being forced into various ways, and I even came, ejaculating what I then considered shameful. It wasn't until the fifth time that the pain became unbearable, and I cried out before she finally let me go. For

the next year or so, every night… I was tortured by her every time I went out; the feeling was worse than death. I even thought about jumping off a building. I was also afraid—afraid of dying. I considered exposing her, but I was also afraid of being constantly coerced by her. I dared not disobey any of her wishes.

My father even thought I was doing drugs and messing around outside; my face was so thin it had sunken holes on both sides. From then on, I dared not have any physical contact with any woman, and I could only exchange a few words with her.

Fortunately, in the autumn of 2009, my uncle went to Shenzhen to do business, made some money, bought a house there, and his whole family moved there. My other uncle's family also moved to Guangzhou, and our family also bought a house in CS, leaving that house that filled me with shadows, leaving that woman who filled me with shadows.

Perhaps she was the first person to show me the dark side of humanity. Before, I always thought the world was friendly, but only when a crisis came did I realize that the world wasn't so friendly after all.

[The End]

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Unbearable days

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