New funny replies to negative reviews on Taobao

page views:1 Publication date:2022-04-16

Product: Mole Removal Solution: Mole removal liquid, one application is all it takes.
Review: The owner's service was good, but no matter how much money I get back, it can't make up for my loss. I still have a dent on my nose!
Explanation: Getting a refund and then leaving a bad review—that's the perfect trap, because you're really ripping people off.
Product: Vacuum-packed Authentic Lamb Tripe Strips
Review: It's impossible to chew. Eating it once is like going to war. My jaw hurts from chewing. It took me three days to finish one bag. What a piece of garbage!
Explanation: You can chew on a fart for three days straight. I'm impressed.
Product: Stylish Lambskin Shoulder Bag
Review: Ahem, you've left a negative review for the seller. Please explain why. After adding it, click the "Submit Review" button below for the review to take effect. Give it a try.
Explanation: Ugh, if you're going to try something, try positive reviews. Why bother with negative reviews? You need to really learn more about Taobao!
Product: WoW Gold Coins Clearance Sale with Lightning-Fast Shipping
Review: When I tried to join, the server I wanted wasn't there... Ugh... I actually joined a server that wasn't mine... What kind of server is this... Ugh!
Explanation: If you don't even understand the basics, congratulations on successfully entering the intellectual blind spot. (xiaohuayoumo) - Humor
Review: Slow shipping and extremely poor customer service. Have you ever heard the saying "the customer is always right"?
Explanation: You are God, go back to heaven, this world is not suitable for you.
Product: Fashionable Plus Size Women's Clothing
Review: I paid immediately upon receiving the goods, which is what I always do, but the product is disappointing. When I tried to rinse it with water, the water turned black; after rinsing for a while, a layer of black, flocculent material floated to the surface.
Explanation: So then two more vampires emerged from the water and screamed at you, right? I think you've been watching too many horror movies.
Product: Printed Casual Outerwear in Green
Review: Putting aside how much it cost, this outfit is incredibly ugly. It's not just me who thinks it looks bad; other people who see me wearing it also say it looks terrible!
Explanation: People choose clothes, and clothes choose people. If your personal style isn't quite right, please choose more affordable styles next time. Thank you.
Product: Discontinued size children's cute corduroy double-layered hooded jacket
Review: How can I trust a service that lacks compassion, patience, and love?
Explanation: I'm so damn upset right now!
Product: [Automatic Delivery] 10 Q coins for 100 RMB (Unofficial top-up)
Evaluation: They didn't respond to me at all, not even a single word.
Explanation: Roll
Product: Organic bamboo fiber antibacterial underwear gift box
Review: Why is it just a box? Where are the underwear?
Explanation: This is just a box, for packaging. Who said there have to be underwear inside? Does buying a box necessarily mean there have to be underwear inside? If you buy underwear, should I put a little penis inside? (Joke/Humor - xiaohuayoumo)
Product: Limited Edition Rose Flower Drawstring Shoulder Bag - Bargain Price
Review: The smell is overwhelming. I've bought bags before that had a smell, but it would go away after being aired out. This one, however, just won't go away. When I asked the seller, they just told me to air it out some more. I asked again, and they told me to air it out several times. Ugh...
Explanation: It's not the right time to blow it yet. Let's try blowing it again.
Product: Lifubai Deep Hydrating Sleeping Mask 170g (with lucky draw)
Comment: The raffle card has already been scratched. If it's already scratched, it means the item is second-hand. If there's a prize, you'll keep it yourself, and if there's no prize, you'll give it to me, right? Then why did you put the scratched card in? What kind of intelligence is that? You can't even lie properly!
Explanation: This, this, this must have been done by my son. I'll give him a beating when he gets home from school!
Product: Premium Genuine Leather Men's Automatic Buckle Belt
Review: This is a negative review. The product is seriously different from the picture, and the after-sales service is not resolving the issue. If you harass me by phone, I will call the police.
Explanation: Look at how scared you are, I can't be bothered with you.
Product: Casual Mickey Mouse Print Sweatpants
Review: Oh my god, I wore these pants for less than half an hour today, and the crotch ripped all the way down to my thigh! How can pants be of such poor quality? I tried to contact the seller but they weren't online, so I had to leave a bad review. I'm furious! I've never given a seller a bad review before.
Explanation: Haha, you've exposed yourself! I didn't expect this product to have developed news and entertainment features.
Product: Versatile Long-Sleeved Top for Spring/Autumn 2009
Review: The waistline is noticeably larger, indicating it was worn by a heavier person. This is a disservice to your three-crown rating. (Humorous anecdote - xiaohuayoumo)
Explanation: mm, are you mistaken? You bought it from a store with three crowns, how can you give us a bad review? We're only one crown now, but hopefully we can reach three crowns soon.
Product: High-end quilted jacket H4006, black and blue, includes a gift.
Review: Good heavens, where did this gift come from? The clothes are someone else's, and there are other people's things in the pockets. What a piece of junk!
Explanation: The gift is in my pocket, thank you.
Product: Actual product photo of a short-sleeved cow-print t-shirt
Review: The clothes are of extremely poor quality!!! Lots of loose threads! The packaging is terrible!!! The clothes are filthy!!!
Explanation: When extortion fails, the thief cries "Stop thief!"
Product: Stylish Striped Pure Cotton High Elasticity - Highly Recommended
Review: This isn't worth 90 yuan.
Explanation: The price of this garment is 78, not 90. Thank you!
Product: Natural Freshwater Pearl Necklace
Comment: Hmph!
Explanation: Hmph! I'm not afraid of you!
Product: White carved rose small vanity mirror
Comment: I can't get through to this number: 02×5720xxx.
Explanation: The number has changed, but the store still has my phone number. Is that wrong?
Product: Multi-color, high-quality, and great value brushed scarf
Review: This store sells nothing but fake goods; they're a scam!
Explanation: This is my ex-wife's revenge. Don't pay any attention to her; she's a crazy woman.
Product: Spiced Beef Jerky with Broth - Factory Direct Sales
Review: The delivery was slow, the quality was poor, the service was nonexistent, and it hurt people's feelings.
Explanation: sb, it doesn't rhyme at all.
Product: 019 Northeast Catalpa Walnut (for Play and Collecting)
Review: To be honest, I bought it because of the price, thinking that a higher price would mean better quality. Yes, the walnuts looked great and were cleaner than those in the market, but none of them were cracked open and they were very hard. I even used a hammer to crack them open, and the kernels inside were so small.
Explanation: You're innocent! This is the consequence of taking a picture and then not contacting them. These are called collectible walnuts, meant to be played with in your hands, not eaten!
Product: Pink pure cotton short-sleeved T-shirt
Review: This item is of very poor quality; it tore after only ten minutes of wear.
Explanation: This was torn, right? Did you and your husband fight? Tell him it's not good to tear a woman's clothes.
Product: Super Comfortable Underwear Recommended by Physical Stores
Review: It's not suitable for wearing next to the skin at all; it makes my skin feel itchy. How can I deal with it?
Explanation: If it itches, just scratch it.
Product: Velvet Slim Fit Trousers - Hot Selling Item
Review: There's something that looks like snot on my pants, it's disgusting! It's almost Chinese New Year, so I'm not going to exchange it with you guys. Your efficiency is terrible.
Explanation: This is probably not snot, but glue used during work. Besides, even if it were snot, it's nothing serious. Normally, the nasal mucosa constantly secretes mucus; a normal person secretes about several hundred milliliters of snot daily. Even more is secreted when you have a cold. Everyone has a runny nose every moment of every day; it's always with us. If you understand, please help me change my negative review, thank you.
Humor - xiaohuayoumo.
Product: Top-selling Back Support Health Backpack (Free Shipping)
Rating: OK
Explanation: Okay, I'll give you a neutral review, but I really want to knock you out. (Friendly explanation: KO means knockout in boxing.)
Product: Summer Sale - Super Low Price Pants in Rose Red
Review: The item you sent is not the same as the picture; the waistband is crooked and the legs are crooked.
Explanation: You're even worse; you have a crooked conscience and a crooked mouth.
Product: Summer Business Ultra-thin Cotton Socks
Review: There's a really, really big hole in the sock.
Explanation: Every sock has this big hole, how could you get it on without a hole?
Product: Windproof and warm face mask
Review: The quality isn't very good, and the elastic bands on the ears are very tight, making the ears stick out a bit.
Explanation: You need to be careful when choosing a wife; you're easily swayed.
Product: Casual Long Base Layer Shirt
Review: Sorry, I only realized after buying it that it was more than three times more expensive than others.
Explanation: You are eight times more despicable than others.
Product: Multifunctional single-shoulder couple bag
Review: I'm so disappointed. They didn't even bother to find the cause of the problem. I've bought so many things on Taobao, I guess I was just unlucky this time. Sigh, I'm a Taobao VIP customer!
Explanation: You're giving a bad review for something this cheap? Please remove the letters "vi".
Product: Fun Talking Bear
Review: It doesn't make any noise, and it's not pretty either. My baby doesn't like it at all. There's a black patch on the bear's butt that looks like it was glued on, like someone else played with it.
Humorous jokes - xiaohuayoumo.
Explanation: You pry open the black part, insert an AA battery, and it will make a sound.
Product: Pet Toy: Hard Solid Bone
Review: My dog doesn't bite, I don't know why. Negative review.
Explanation: Dogs, like people, have their own preferences. If a dog doesn't like something, it won't bite it; but if you don't like something, you'll bite me.
Product: Super Cute Gloves from Daiso's Off-Season Sale
Evaluation: Now that things have come to this, I really don't know what to say... I'm really angry... but... sigh, never mind. I won't contact you again. Although this incident started because of me and was eventually resolved, I still don't know how to put it. It caused me a lot of trouble. And what's a bit annoying is that you're never proactive in contacting me, always waiting for me to ask before telling me. I hope you won't treat others like that in the future. Oh well, we're not meant to be.
Explanation: Please be more explicit. It's just a pair of gloves, why are you making it sound like a breakup? Who's going to be with you anyway?
Product: Casual Men's Spring Long-Sleeved Suit - Hot Selling (5 Diamonds)
Review: The clothes are very similar to the pictures, but they're huge, and the sleeves are extremely long. I'm quite short, so they're basically unwearable for me. My wife scolded me when I got home, and I was really angry. I often buy clothes online, but this is the first time I've given a bad review to a store because I've never encountered a situation like this before, and I really had no choice.
Explanation: Could it be that I've traveled back to the Song Dynasty? Hello, Brother Wu Dalang, I feel very sorry for you.
Product: Canine Parvovirus Test Strips
Humorous jokes - xiaohuayoumo.
Review: I've used this test strip repeatedly, but no color has appeared. Does this mean the test strip is ineffective and I bought a counterfeit? Since you don't admit it's counterfeit, why can't I detect if my dog is infected with canine distemper?
Explanation: No need to test anymore, it has already been transferred to you.
Product: Korean-style beef tendon
Comment: Why didn't they give me the pickled vegetables I owed?

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New funny replies to negative reviews on Taobao

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