Sir/Madam, give me a smile.

page views:1 Publication date:2022-04-20

1. "Baby, shall we have fish for dinner tonight?" "Okay, what kind of fish?" "Wooden fish," said the termite mother.
2. I went to see a comedy movie with my girlfriend, and she said she almost peed herself laughing. Luckily, I pulled down her underwear in time, minimizing the damage.
3. When my daughter came home from kindergarten, she asked me, "Dad, why do little boys pee standing up while I pee squatting?" I earnestly educated her, "First of all, boys and girls are different, and it is impolite to stare at little boys peeing. Secondly, I don't think you are really suitable to be a kindergarten teacher."
4. My dad's colleague brought his child to dinner with us and said, "This auntie is amazing; she knows so many celebrities." The child looked up and coldly asked me, "Do you know Ultraman?"
5. Actually, Dad wants to know Mom's weight more than anyone else. The smartest time was when Mom fell asleep on the sofa at Dad's house at noon. Dad said, "You'll catch a cold, why don't I carry you to the room to sleep?" Mom mumbled an agreement, and then Dad planned to pick her up and weigh her on the electronic scale, then subtract his own weight. What a perfect plan! But Dad, despite using all his strength, couldn't lift Mom off the sofa…
6. In an interview, Han Han inadvertently mentioned Guo Jingming. Guo Jingming became very angry, waving his limbs in protest, shouting, "Put me down right now!"
7. When I was little, my mom gave my older sister two cents to take me to the little shop to buy bubble gum. Back then, each piece cost one cent. My sister bought two pieces and ate them all herself. She only gave them to me after she was tired of chewing them. I asked her why she chewed them before giving them to me, and she said, "I wanted to check if they were poisonous." At that time, I truly thought my sister was wonderful. That's what a real sister is like.
8. "Uncle Yang Guo, do you have a pet?" "I have an eagle!" "Hmph, if you don't, you don't. Why are you swearing?"
9. The martial arts alliance leader was cornered by him, clutching his wound and slumped to the ground, waiting for him to strike. Instead, he withdrew his sword, knelt down, and muttered in anguish, "She's already gone... Even if I unify the martial arts world... what good will it do..." The martial arts alliance leader, enduring the excruciating pain, said hoarsely, "A bucket of paste... enough to put up so many missing person posters..."
10. I don't know why my mom suddenly sent me a video today, so I accepted it. As soon as the video connected, two or three middle-aged women were standing behind me. Then my mom said, "Do you think my son is ugly? I didn't lie to you, did I?" I'm sure I'm not her biological son.
11. I just posted a photo of my husband and daughter on social media, and someone commented that the daughter is a spitting image of her father. So I said to my husband, "Everyone says our daughter looks like you, but she's my child, she grew in my belly for 10 months." My silly husband, without even looking up, replied, "Does a radish planted in the ground look like soil after it grows?"
12. A couple was about to have sex in the living room. The man wanted to do plenty of foreplay, so he diligently licked between the woman's legs. The woman said, "Honey, go turn on the light." The man refused and continued licking. After a while, the woman asked to turn on the light again. The man got angry and said, "Don't you think doing this in the dark is more romantic?" The woman said quietly, "Do you think licking the carpet for fifteen minutes in the dark is romantic?"
13. Yesterday, my silly wife did something wrong, and I scolded her loudly. Today, she suddenly said to me, "If you ever yell at me like that again, I'll teach you a lesson!" "What color?" "Green!"
14. There was a middle school history teacher who one day got really angry with a boy and blurted out: "So-and-so, you think you can mess with me?!" The idiot student replied: "Teacher, you said you wouldn't reveal this." And then, the teacher transferred to another school.
15. A couple was drinking iced tea. Just as I was about to go buy some water, the woman called out to the man from behind, "Hey, what does 'Buy One Get One Free' mean on this?" The man didn't turn around and said, "I don't know." Then, the woman casually threw the bottle cap on the ground. I saw this and thought I'd encountered two idiots. After they walked away, I hurriedly ran to pick it up, blew on it, and looked at it in the sun. I saw it clearly: Four big characters: Thank you for tasting…

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Sir/Madam, give me a smile.

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