I said I'd be your family (10 jokes)

page views:1 Publication date:2022-04-22

1. Three men were locked in a cell in the NKVD (People's Commissariat for Internal Affairs) and were talking about why they were in prison.
The first person said, "I am against Party Secretary Petrov."
The second person said, "I support Petrov."
The third person said, "I am Petrov."
Comment: I want to ask, what sins did you commit in your past lives?
2. Once upon a time, there was a chubby girl and a middle-aged man who lived in the forest. Every day, the chubby girl would go and pick mushrooms. She would count them as she picked them. The middle-aged man liked to sleep naked in the grass.
One day, the chubby girl went to pick mushrooms in the grass again, counting as she picked, "One, two, three, four, five, five, five..." The chubby girl couldn't pick the fifth mushroom, and then she left.
The middle-aged man then got up and said, "That felt great," and then went back to sleep. As usual, this isn't the climax.
A little while later, a bear came over and started eating mushrooms, mentally counting as it ate: "One, two, three, four, five, five, five... six, seven..."
Comment: Haha, this is hilarious! I have to say, people's imaginations are incredible these days.
3. A young man from a village went out to work, and his family saw him off. His old father secretly told him: "Silly boy, don't mess around outside, especially with women. Be careful not to catch a venereal disease! It will bring disaster to our village. The lives of everyone in the village are in your hands."
The son asked, puzzled, "What?" The old father said, "Silly boy, think about it! If you get that disease, your wife will get it, if your wife gets it, I'll get it, if I get it, your mother will get it, if your mother gets it, the village chief will get it, and if the village chief gets it, the whole village will be doomed!"
son:"……"
Comment: My God, what kind of family is this? My God, what kind of village is this?
4. One night...
"I miss you."
"Um...me too."
"Is your wife asleep?" "Mmm..."
My wife is asleep too.
Comment: Sometimes a short joke means he gets excited quickly.
5. Thinking about not being able to make love with my husband for many days during winter break, I bought a vibrator online and became addicted to it every night. One day, I went out to a friend's party, and my mother cleaned the house for me. Later, my mother called me to her room.
She said earnestly, "Daughter, it's time to think about your future. I'm confiscating what's under your pillow." ...Tears welled up.
Comment: Why are you crying? It's a miracle your mom isn't crying.
6. A friend of mine only discovered his sexual orientation after two relationships…
During their second breakup, the girl asked him, "What exactly is it about us that we don't get along with?!"
He replied, "...The gender is not suitable."
Comment: In this era brimming with homoeroticism, what else can you say?
7. A male classmate told me: Last night in the dorm, we were having a late-night discussion about physiology. Suddenly, one guy asked: Do you think there are men in this world who have two testicles?! At that moment, everyone fell silent.
The others remained silent, exchanging text messages to discuss whether to tell him the truth, or if telling him the truth would change his outlook on life and values. This was the most tragic thing I had ever heard.
Comment: Dude, even if you only have one testicle, you've never seen a Japanese art film?
8. She met him on a rainy night when he was drunk and heartbroken after a breakup, and from that moment on, she fell in love with him without hesitation. She cooked for him, did his laundry, and took care of all the household chores. But he always watched her indifferently from the sidelines.
Finally, one day, he told her: "Don't come here again. I love men." She was shocked and suddenly pounced on him, pinning him to the bed. "Damn it! Why didn't you say so sooner? I've been pretending to be a woman until I'm practically going crazy!"
Comment: Wow, this ending is really unexpected.
9. A man standing at the door carrying fruit said, "Hello, Auntie, I'm your son's boyfriend." "Honey! Come out here!" he cried, then collapsed to the ground...
The child's father, who came out upon hearing the noise, froze the moment he saw him... After a long while, he said, "Over the years, you've even changed your tastes."
The man gave a bitter smile: "I told you, I wanted to be your family." The mother, who had just gotten up, collapsed again...
Comment: Seriously? What era were these two old men living in that they were into homosexuality?
10. While screening resumes, I saw a graduate's resume with the following award history: he received Master Kong's "One More Bottle" award multiple times during his time at school.

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I said I'd be your family (10 jokes)

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