A smile makes you ten years younger!

page views:1 Publication date:2022-05-06

1. I once had a classmate who, during an English test, which consisted entirely of multiple-choice questions, made four slips of paper, writing "a," "b," "c," and "d" on them. He then drew lots to fill in the answers. The teacher saw this and nodded approvingly. Halfway through the exam, the teacher saw that the student had finished all the questions and was still shaking the slips of paper. Puzzled, the teacher asked, "You've finished, why are you still shaking them?" The student angrily retorted, "Don't you check your work during the exam?"
Comment: This student is incredibly talented, but probably just doesn't work hard. It seems like people who aren't good at English are all intelligent, just lazy.
2. Once upon a time, a girl forgot her toilet paper when she went to the restroom at school. She weakly called out to the door, "Is anyone there? I forgot my toilet paper." Then, someone slipped a wad of toilet paper under the door. The girl asked, "Who are you?" She replied, "Lei Feng."
Comment: Did a female Lei Feng emerge, or did Lei Feng go into the wrong toilet?
3. When I was in elementary school, I was waiting for a classmate to go to school together. This classmate was a picky eater and didn't eat properly, so his grandfather, who lived with him, lectured him: "Sigh, life is better now, and you want to refuse this and that? How hard was it 60 years ago? People wouldn't even throw away the boogers they picked from their noses."
Comment: His father definitely used an exaggerated rhetorical device. I wonder what this kid would think if he had such a father. I almost threw up.
4. A village chief, after watching a foreign adult film, became very dissatisfied with his wife. He said, "My wife has a bad figure, and she doesn't moan. She's so unromantic. She's like a dead pig during sex. Next time we're doing that, you have to moan for me, moan loudly!" That night, during their passionate lovemaking, the village chief said, "Why aren't you moaning yet?" Then his wife shouted at the top of her lungs, "Village chief, you're fucking me!"
Comment: This village chief's wife should work harder and study more about Japanese films and television shows like Tohoku and Ipponmichi.
5. I remember there was a question like this on Baidu Knows:
Title: My computer won't turn on.
Content: My computer won't turn on, and nothing happens no matter what I press.
Best answer: Did you plug it in?
Acknowledgments: None.
Comment: Moderator, this isn't exactly an advertisement, is it? Please be gentle!
6. The story goes: A farmer took his infertile sow to the vet... The vet examined her for a long time and said: "The problem is a bit tricky. Artificial insemination may be necessary." (That doctor is formidable.)
The old farmer thought for a long time and whispered: It's feasible, but I'm afraid it will bite me.
Comment: We farmers are just so simple and honest!
7. I remember once, I went to the market to buy vegetables and asked the old man selling vegetables, "How much are the chili peppers per pound?"
"1.5 yuan".
"Would you sell 3 jin for 5 yuan?"
"Young man, you're dressed quite handsomely. How come you're haggling like a woman? I'm not selling."
I'd been cooped up at home for too long and didn't quite get it right then and there. I turned and left...
When she finally understood, she went back to him, kicked over his vegetable stall, and yelled angrily, "Damn it, are you stupid too? You wouldn't sell me vegetables that cost 1.5 yuan a pound, even though I offered you 5 yuan for 3 pounds?"
Comment: This is just wishful thinking!
8. I remember once, a friend of mine got drunk and insisted on going to a prostitute, and I couldn't stop him. Then he said he knew the phone number of a beautiful woman. He said he could sleep with her for money... Then he said to me in a very mysterious way, "I'll call her. You'll see... I'll let you meet her soon."
Then, with a thick tongue, she dialed over, and then... came out... to sleep with me, I was...
Then I snatched his phone and looked at it. I broke out in a cold sweat; that bastard had dialed 110 (the police emergency number).
Comment: If you have any difficulties, find the police.
9. A friend of mine cheated on his girlfriend with another woman. Pretty complicated, right?
I said, "This won't do. You have to choose one and get rid of the other."
Then he said with a pained expression, "I can't bear to part with any of them. What can I do? My girlfriend checks my phone every day, and I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I'm really conflicted. She wants me to give her some advice."
Then I said: Change your lover's phone number to 10086.
The next few days passed without incident...
Two weeks later, I found him drinking alone. It turned out his girlfriend had left him. When I asked why, he replied that she had found out. I told him, "Your phone is full of call logs with 10086 (China Mobile's customer service hotline), and you get hundreds of messages a day. You're having an affair with one of their operators, aren't you? Let's break up."
Comment: Communication begins with the heart.
10. God assigned a pig to plow the fields, but the pig complained it was too tiring; God assigned a pig to water the flowers, but the pig complained it wasn't free enough; God assigned a pig to guard the gate, but the pig complained it didn't get any rest. God was angry and asked the pig, "Then what do you really want to do?" The pig replied, "Eat, drink, gamble, and whore, do whatever I want." God was even angrier and said, "You think you can be a government official?!"

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A smile makes you ten years younger!

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