18 Jokes for Girls

page views:1 Publication date:2022-05-14

1. Three women, a, b, and c, had a meal together.
During the meal, woman A said, "I have a colleague who loves mullet roe the most because he says that just one small bite is enough to eat a whole bunch of fish. It's so satisfying!"
Girl B said dismissively, "So if I love eggs, I'll just eat a whole chicken, right?"
At this moment, C blushed and lowered her head in silence. After a while, she said shyly, "Then I ate a bunch of 'people' last night..."
2. It was Mr. Lin's wife's birthday, and she asked Mr. Lin to take her to a brothel to broaden her horizons. Mr. Lin was so pestered that he had no choice but to comply.
Upon arriving at the entrance of the tulle dance hall, a waiter politely said, "Mr. Lin, welcome!" Mr. Lin nervously tried to stop him, while Mrs. Lin glared at him angrily.
Upon entering the tulle dance hall, the manager greeted Mr. Lin, "Welcome, Mr. Lin. Would you like to sit in your usual spot?" Mrs. Lin's face was already turning pale with anger.
As the performance began, the tunic dancers swayed their hips and, to the rhythm of the music, removed their clothes one by one.
She called out in a sweet voice, "Whose is this one?"
"Of course it's Mr. Lin!" all the guests said in unison.
At this point, Mrs. Lin had fainted from anger.
Mr. Lin quickly picked her up and got into the taxi.
Mrs. Lin suddenly came to her senses and angrily shouted, "You liar, you bastard, you beast!"
The taxi driver remarked, "Mr. Lin, the girl you picked up tonight is quite feisty!"
3. An American, a Frenchman, and a Chinese man were walking in the desert when they came across a bottle. After they opened the bottle, a person floated out and said, "I am a god, and I can grant each of you three wishes!"
The American was the first to shout, "My first wish is to have lots of money!"
The deity said, "That's easy, I'll grant your wish! Now tell me your second wish."
The American said, "I need lots more money!"
After the gods granted his wish, the American made his third wish: "Take me home."
The deity said, "No problem!" So the American returned to America with a lot of money.
The deity then asked the Frenchman.
The Frenchman said, "I want a beautiful woman!" And the gods gave him a beautiful woman.
The Frenchman then said, "I also want beautiful women!" The gods granted his wish and gave him beautiful women.
The Frenchman concluded by saying, "Send me back to France."
After the deity sent the Frenchman back to his country, he asked the Chinese what they wanted.
The Chinese say, "Let's start with a bottle of Erguotou!"
The deity granted his wish and asked him what his second wish was.
The Chinese say, "Give me another bottle of Erguotou!"
The deity asked him what his third wish was.
The Chinese man said, "I really miss the French and Americans. Why don't you bring them all back?"
The Frenchman and the American were furious, but there was nothing they could do, so the three of them had no choice but to continue walking.
As they walked, they saw another bottle. After they opened the stopper, another person appeared. That person said, "I am the younger brother of that deity from before. My magic power is not as great as his, so I can only grant each of you two wishes."
The French and Americans discussed it and decided it was better to let the Chinese speak first, so that he wouldn't bring it back later.
So the Chinese man said, "Let's start with a bottle of Erguotou."
The gods granted his wish.
The French and Americans urged the Chinese to quickly express their second wish.
After finishing his Erguotou (a type of Chinese liquor), the Chinese man calmly said to the deity, "Alright, that's all, you can go now, deity!"
4. In biology class, the teacher said, "Actually, weasels don't eat chickens. Scientists did an experiment where they put a chicken and a weasel together. Guess what happened the next day?" A student interjected, "The chicken got pregnant?"
5. During sex, the woman kept screaming wildly, prompting the neighbors to knock on the door in protest! The man told her to be quiet, and the woman agreed. Then, she closed her eyes tightly, clenched her teeth, and began to tremble. The man asked anxiously, "What's wrong?" The woman replied, "Nothing, let's continue. I switched to vibrate mode!"
6. There was a couple. The wife fell ill and went to see a doctor. The doctor said that after contracting this disease, her XX could be life-threatening. After returning home that day, she and her husband slept in separate rooms. However, two days later, the wife knocked on her husband's door at night. The husband asked, "Who is it?" The wife replied, "Someone who isn't afraid of death!"
7. Once, a breast-raising contest was held to see who had the biggest breasts. The host announced that contestant number one was going up, and the judges saw that her breasts were as big as a melon, so they called her Melon Girl. The host then announced contestant number two, and the judges saw that her breasts were as big as a watermelon, so they called her Watermelon Girl. When it was contestant number three's turn, the judges saw that her breasts were Apple Girl and awarded her first prize… Why did contestant number three win?
The answer is: Number three's mimi's head is as big as an apple! ...
8. A taxi driver saw a motorcyclist driving recklessly ahead, and the child on the back was about to be thrown off. The kind taxi driver chased after the motorcyclist and said, "Buddy, your child is about to fall off the back seat!" The motorcyclist looked back and, seeing his child, asked in surprise, "Huh? Son, where's your mother?"
9. During the Western Development Strategy, a group of young men from the countryside went to the city to work. Seeing young and beautiful girls dressed boldly on the street, they couldn't help but have impure thoughts.
The youngest of them suddenly felt excruciating pain in his groin, so he went to a private clinic. The doctor, seeing his bewildered expression, said, "It's swollen. You'll need an injection and some medicine!" So he paid, and the unscrupulous doctor gave him a sedative, and he was cured!
The next day, his old ailment recurred, and he went to the clinic again. Unfortunately, the doctor was not there, so his wife took care of him instead.
An hour later, the doctor returned, and the young man happily went up to him, saying, "Thank you for not charging me!"
"What happened?"
"That female doctor is really skilled. Without injections or medicine, she not only reduced the swelling but also drained the pus!"
doctor:……
10. A young girl is going on her first date.
Her mother warned her, "Child, all men are lustful; they all want to do the same thing. You must be careful."
First, don't let her kiss your lips. Your lips are like rose petals; they will wither after being kissed.
Second, don't let him touch your breasts. Your breasts are like crystal vessels, easily broken.
Third, don't let him touch your private parts; your private parts are like an oven. They'll burn anything that touches them.
In the middle of the night, the girl returned home, and her mother asked her how her date went.
The girl replied, "That's great! I think I'm in love. Don't walk away so fast, tell me if that guy is interested?"
Yes, Mom, but I was careful and didn't let him succeed.
How can you be careful?
At first, she tried to kiss me on the lips, but after I told her what you said, she stopped.
Later, he tried to touch my breasts, and after I told him what you said, she stopped.
Then, he slowly put his hand under my skirt, and I told him what you said. He said it was a coincidence that he had a piece of meat that he could put in your oven to roast.
What? I knew this would happen, and you didn't stop it?
No, he put the meat in to grill it, and after it was done, he put it in my mouth so I could taste it to see if it was cooked...
11. Two inmates had the following conversation while eating in prison:
A: "Hey, what did you do wrong?"
B: "It's just one-sided broken promise. What about you?"
A: "It's just keeping your promise. Explain yourself clearly, what exactly did you do?"
B: "Marriage fraud. What about you?"
A: "A professional assassin!"
12. The school invited an expert from the district to give a lecture on sex education to the students. The expert spent the entire afternoon discussing the progress of family planning work. To make it more interesting, he casually mentioned the legend of Nuwa creating humans, asking, "Who knows why Nuwa used yellow clay to create humans?" No one responded. A little embarrassed, the expert called on a girl in front of him to answer. The girl whispered, "Was it because she didn't know how to create humans?" The expert prompted, "Then why didn't she know how to create humans?" The girl replied, "Was it because she listened to your lecture?"
13. At the school sports meet, Xiaoqiang's class performed a "Tai Chi sword" routine during the opening ceremony, which was quite impressive and caused a great sensation. The "Best Opening Ceremony Award" deservedly went to Xiaoqiang's class. The principal gave a speech saying, "It's not difficult for one person to perform a sword solo, but it's difficult for the whole class to perform the sword together, and to do so in such unison!"
14. People say that to win a man's heart, you must first win his stomach. Every day after get off work, I enthusiastically cook in the kitchen. My husband hugs me affectionately from behind and says, "Wife, you're becoming more and more feminine." I thought he was genuinely grateful and said ambiguously, "What does a woman smell like?" My husband walks out of the kitchen and says loudly, "You smell like scallions!"
15. Regarding having children, I asked my husband, "Do you think it's better to have children or not?" My husband said, "Neither is good. If we don't have children, people will say there's something wrong with us. If we have children, and they turn out to be like you, I'll be in big trouble!" I angrily said, "Then according to you, we shouldn't have any!" My husband quickly said, "Look, I haven't finished yet. Look at me, I'm a good person, filial and loving to my wife, and yet I was born like me!" I thought to myself, if he's sexist, he should just say so. But then I gave birth to a girl, and my husband said sadly, "Heavens, what did I do wrong to deserve two dinosaurs to torment me!"
16. The most true story: The teacher asked us to make a sentence using the word "果然" (as expected). My deskmate wrote: I haven't showered for three months, and sure enough, I smelled terrible...
17. When a couple checked into a hotel, the wife wanted to take a shower but worriedly said to her husband, "I read in the news that some hotels or restaurants have hidden video cameras. What if we get filmed?"
Her husband, without turning his head or looking dismissively, said, "Don't worry! With a figure like yours, even if you were photographed, they'd just cut it out."
18. There was an elderly man who recently went to collect his pension from a social welfare organization, but he didn't have his identification documents with him…
The girl asked the old man, "But you don't have any identification with you, how am I supposed to know how old you are?" (The old man was bald, so you couldn't tell his age!)
Grandpa said, "I have chest hair, and it's all white. That can prove how old I am!"
He took off his clothes and showed the girl his chest hair... it was really very white, so the girl gave him her old man's pension.
When Grandpa got home, he proudly told his wife, "Look how clever I was today! After I took off my clothes to show my chest hair to the girl, she gave me my old-age pension!"

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18 Jokes for Girls

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