Funny things about my life with my idiot husband

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When I first met my husband, he was working as a waiter at an internet cafe. I thought he was quite handsome, but I was surprised to find out how innocent and naive he was. Sometimes I felt like he was the kind of person who would frantically splatter ink on a blank sheet of paper with a calligraphy brush. But I've managed to train him quite well now. Here are some funny stories about us...
My husband never looked at me when he spoke to me; he kept his eyes down, expressionless. Back then, I was a typical naive girl, and his cold expression immediately made me surrender and fall for him. This handsome guy was just too cool; I was instantly smitten. But after we got to know each other better, I learned that my husband had always been shy and had never interacted with girls before. He would blush whenever he saw one, which was why he avoided looking at them... I was so disappointed. It turned out his coolness was fake; his real weakness was his insecurity.
The first time my husband and I went shopping, we walked side by side around the 1,000-square-meter plaza in the city center three times. Suddenly, he stopped, looked at me quite seriously, and asked, "Can I ask you a question?"
"Ask away."
May I hold your hand?
"......." (I've had this idea for a while now)
"Is it okay?"
"......." (I've accepted it, you idiot!)
"Is it possible or not?"
"^%^&@``!!#$(.*.......Okay"(Sweating profusely, it's not that I'm not trying to be reserved, it's just that he wouldn't offer me that option.)
After that, they remained silent. Holding hands, they circled the square three or four more times, never letting go for a second. When they said goodbye, both of their palms were sweaty.
Our first kiss was at his friend's barbershop. After dinner, I said I wanted to rest and lay down in his friend's private room. He followed me in, saying he wanted to rest too. We crossed our legs, intertwined our arms, and closed our eyes to take a nap, facing each other. (Before this, we'd only held hands and never hugged. Maybe we were destined to be together; I had no reservations about him and it felt very natural.) We definitely couldn't fall asleep, but it felt so warm and cozy to fall asleep like that. After a while, I felt him slowly lean in and kiss me on the lips. I screamed in my mind, "He kissed me! He kissed me!" But I still felt awkward. Although he didn't know, I knew I was pretending to be asleep. After a while, I opened my eyes and met his gaze. I was still trying to pretend nothing had happened, but then he asked, "Do you know what I just did?"
"I don't know." (I'd rather die than admit I know.)
My husband chuckled: "I just kissed you."
"Uh..." (Oh no, this is deliberately trying to create an awkward silence. How am I supposed to respond?)
"What should we do?"
"......" (You still want to ask? I'm so annoyed.)
"Then let's kiss again, haha." The pig-headed guy leaned in, and I fainted!
I'm my husband's first love, and naturally, his first kiss. We've been kissing for a month, and this idiot still doesn't know how to kiss. He just closes his mouth and rubs it against my lips and face, looking all happy and content. One time, I couldn't hold back any longer: "Honey, are we kissing?"
"Of course, why do you ask that?"
"Actually... that's not how real kissing is."
"Huh? No way, isn't this how you kiss?" After saying that, she rubbed her face against mine a couple more times.
"There's something even further..."
"???" The husband looked completely bewildered.
"Um... it's... that..."
"Tell me, tell me, my dear wife, please." My husband kissed and hugged me, making me feel really embarrassed.
"Um...it's just...it's about sticking out your tongue."
I really think I'm a pig; saying something like that is so damaging to my image. But my husband didn't seem to care. He looked confused at first, then suddenly realized what I meant, stuck out his tongue and made a "slurp" sound in the air, like a puppy licking food: "Is that how it is?"
"..." I was speechless, and didn't know how to describe it. I wasn't much better than him; I was a complete newbie, while he was a complete novice. I could only accept it.

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Funny things about my life with my idiot husband

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