Just a bit of humor

page views:1 Publication date:2022-06-07

1. When I was in school, I went to get hot water with a classmate. On the way back to the dorm, the thermos started hissing.
I said, "Oh no
, it's going to explode!" This guy threw the thermos away with a whoosh, and
sure enough, it exploded. He said, still shaken, "Luckily, I threw it fast enough, it didn't hit me." ????
2. One day I wasn't very busy, and a friend asked me to help him write wedding invitations. I'd been writing for a while, but something felt off, though I couldn't quite put my finger on it.
Then his girlfriend came over, looked at them, and said, "Could you change the groom's name? We're not going to get together."
Me...
3. My younger brother recently started dating a funny girl, she's quite cute, but a bit short. Yesterday we went shopping together.
She excitedly said, "I keep getting cramps in my hands and feet lately, does that mean I'm going to grow taller again?"
I said, "You're not going to grow any taller now, you might be shrinking."
4. The teacher asked Xiaoming, "Do you know who the King of Spain is?"
Xiaoming replied, "Um, I don't know."
The teacher said, "Then you must put more effort into your studies in the future!"
Xiaoming asked, "Teacher, do you know who Jia Cuihua is?"
The teacher replied, "Who is she? I don't know."
Xiaoming said, "Then you must put more effort into your husband in the future!"
5. I was arguing with my wife, and in a fit of anger, she reached out to hit me. In a moment of panic, I grabbed her hands.
My wife angrily said, "Why are you grabbing my hands? Let go!"
I had a sudden inspiration: "I won't let go. Holding your hand, we'll grow old together."
After saying that, I hugged my wife tightly.
I was so damn clever; I dodged another bullet.
6. On the subway, a young and beautiful mother was sitting next to me holding a three-year-old boy.
After a while, he was probably hungry and kept pestering me to nurse.
The mother said, "You're so big, why are you still nursing?"
The child cried and tried to pull at his mother's collar. The mother covered her chest with her hands, and the little boy struggled for a long time without success.
Suddenly he yelled at me, "Uncle, help me peel them off, one for each of us!"
Do you think I should help him?
7. Everyone says that when their daughter finds a boyfriend, parents feel the sadness of having their hard-earned cabbage eaten by a pig.
But since my younger brother found a girlfriend, he doesn't even come home anymore. His mother-in-law cooks him delicious food every day, and he's completely absorbed in his life.
My mom looked up at the sky at a 45-degree angle and said, "I don't know if the cabbage has been eaten, but the pig I've raised for over 20 years is definitely gone."
8. I received a call from someone claiming to be my boss, asking me to transfer 50,000 yuan urgently. I said, "I'll transfer the money right away!" After sleeping, I received another call, asking why I hadn't transferred the money yet.
I said I was in a hurry and forgot my money, only having two cards. The one with money was demagnetized, and the other card had no money. Re-issuing a card would cost 500 yuan; could you transfer 500 yuan to me first to re-issue the card?
He was silent for a long time, and finally said, "Why make things difficult for fellow professionals?"
9. After Xiaoming rolled out of the classroom, he was punished by having to run 10 laps around the track. Seeing that Xiaoming was running slowly, the teacher rode his electric scooter behind him to catch up. At a bend, Xiaoming kept accelerating, and the teacher accelerated too. Xiaoming suddenly stopped, startling the teacher, who swerved and overturned.
As a result, the teacher ended up in the hospital, and Xiaoming was expelled from school!
10. When I was little, I went to a tailor shop with my mom. My mom pointed at the electric iron and said, "This thing is very hot, never touch it with your hands!"
I was very obedient and didn't touch it, but I licked it.

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Just a bit of humor

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