A confusing love affair

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-24

A Confused Love
Author: Lone Angler on a Cold River
Prologue
He was like a camel struggling through the desert, the scorching sun having dried the last
drop of sweat from his body. He felt dizzy, his throat parched, and his heart felt overwhelmed, as if it were about to stop beating
…
“Forget it, you’ve made me uncomfortable.” A dry voice came from underground.
Disappointed, he got up from her, feeling utterly ashamed. He dared not look into her resentful eyes, for those eyes
were turning vicious.
He hung his head, and he saw his lifeless male organ drooping like his head,
looking timid and listless…
“Are you a man?” She lifted his head with her hand, sneering, “Don’t ever say you are a man,”
she said, flicking his arm. “What’s the point of having this thing? Just for peeing?”
She got out of bed, dressed, and gathered her things. She touched his face one last time and sighed,
“What a waste of such a handsome face.”
He ignored her mockery, not uttering a word. He truly didn’t have the strength to speak…
He had lost count of how many times he had been fooled by women. He told himself this would be the last
time.
Chapter 1 Rural Life
1
Xiaomi had been back in the city from the countryside for almost a year, but he still hadn’t found a job. His older sisters were very anxious. Xiaomi was the only male heir in their family for generations; how could they face 　　their deceased parents
if he didn’t find a comfortable job ? 　　Xiaomi's eldest sister's husband was a small-time vendor. In the late 1970s and early 1980s, that 　　wasn't a prestigious profession. He didn't want to do it either, but after nearly ten years as an educated youth 　　sent to the countryside, he was finally able to return home during the mass exodus of educated youth to the cities. However, without connections, he couldn't find a formal 　　job and was forced to take this job. His income wasn't 　　worse than that of government officials or factory workers. Although his sister, a government official, looked down on him, this "small-time vendor" covered the family's daily expenses 　　, so she couldn't say anything. 　　The eldest sister's husband was a rough and straightforward man with little education. Seeing his sisters 　　worrying about their younger brother's job, he casually said, "Why does he have to have a formal job? He can do business with me 　　, he'll be free and unrestrained, very comfortable." 　　The eldest sister retorted irritably, "Get lost, it's none of your business, what do you know?" 　　Frustrated, the husband walked away, looking at the expressionless Xiao Mi, and took his 　　hand, saying, "Little brother, ignore those women, let's go drink." 　　Initially, Xiao Mi didn't like this burly brother-in-law, perhaps influenced by his eldest sister. He thought 　　this businessman with only a primary school education was full of money and reeked of greed. But the brother-in-law liked 　　him very much, finding his brother-in-law a good person, knowledgeable, and well-mannered. He was about 　　ten years younger than Xiao Mi, and perhaps because he had no children of his own, he always treated Xiao Mi like his own son. 　　Xiaomi didn't really like his older sisters. He was already twenty years old and had spent several years as a farmer in the countryside; 　　he wasn't a child anymore, but they always treated him like one, as if he would never grow up. 　　Not wanting to listen to their nagging, he went drinking with his eldest sister's husband. 　　After returning, Xiaomi decided to start a clothing business with his brother-in-law. 　　His sisters naturally objected, but in the end, his second sister's husband, a teacher, suggested that Xiaomi retake the college entrance exam 　　. 　　"No, no!" It was Xiaomi's turn to jump up. "Let me study with a bunch of older kids? I won't 　　do it!" 　　His second brother-in-law said, "How old are you? You're just twenty. Some rural kids repeat a year of high school and are 　　much older than you." 　　Xiaomi wanted to find some excuse, but his older sisters said in unison, "It's settled then. Go to 　　school to repeat a year in a few days. Next year, you must get into university." 　　Getting into university wasn't a difficult thing for Xiaomi. He graduated from high school at fifteen (at that time, junior and 　　senior high school only lasted two years), and his grades weren't bad. If it weren't for the Down to the Countryside Movement, he would have graduated from university by now. During 　　his three years in the countryside, he received a lot of care from the team leader. He only did farm work for a year before being assigned to be 　　a substitute teacher in the brigade for two years. 　　Recalling his three years as a sent-down youth, Xiaomi's heart pounded, and he became inexplicably excited. 　　2 　　Xiaomi was born into an ordinary family. His father was a railway worker, and his mother was a saleswoman in a department store. 　　He had four older sisters, the eldest of whom was fourteen years older than him, and the youngest was five years older. Although their family wasn't 　　well-off, he was the only son in several generations, naturally the center of attention and the apple of everyone's eye. 　　Xiao Mi grew up under the loving care of his mother and many older sisters, 　　living a life of ease where everything was done for him; he did nothing, knew how, and didn't need to do anything. Boys raised in such families naturally 　　lack masculinity and possess more of a feminine demeanor. 　　After the Cultural Revolution began, his eldest, second, and third sisters were sent to the countryside. In 1972, he had just 　　graduated from junior high school… My older sister also went to the countryside. Logically, Xiaomi shouldn't have gone to the countryside at all. In 1975, 　　tragedy struck the family. My mother, visiting my father at his workplace, was involved in a car accident while traveling with him, and both 　　died. Xiaomi lost her source of income. Her older sisters were still in the countryside, struggling to make ends meet. Later that year, my second 　　and third sisters returned to the city to work as laborers. My eldest sister, having married a former educated youth, lost the opportunity to return to the city. It wasn't until 　　1977, when the college entrance examination was reinstated, that she was admitted to a vocational school. After two years, she was assigned to the district government. Because her 　　husband had little education and connections, in 1979, during the mass return of educated youth to the cities, he was assigned to a transport company 　　. He worked there for a few days, finding it uninteresting and the wages low. When some people started their own businesses, he quit and went 　　into business himself. This caused a few days of arguments between my eldest sister and him. 　　In 1976, Xiaomi graduated from high school. She could have become a worker, but her sisters, hearing about the job openings...

The workers wanted to go to Shanxi to work in coal mines, and the villagers immediately objected. Xiao Mi didn't want to work so far away either,
so he gave up the opportunity. Later, he thought that staying in the city was pointless, so he decided to go to the countryside to gain experience and volunteered
to become a sent-down youth in his father's hometown.
Everyone of a certain age knows about 1976: natural disasters, the death of the national leader, and
the whole country in chaos. Xiao Mi arrived in the countryside in late spring or early summer of that year because he had specifically requested to go there,
and it was a very remote place with no sent-down youth settlements. But Xiao Mi's arrival still brought a pleasant surprise to the village.
Everyone came to see what a city boy looked like, especially since he was a local. And indeed, he was extraordinary—
such a cute little boy! Even the prettiest girl in the village wasn't as charming as him.
The villagers clicked their tongues in amazement. They never expected that Old Zhang's family (Xiao Mi's mother's surname was Mi, and his father was a son-in-law who had married into the family) would produce
such a handsome man. Old Zhang wasn't a very good person, so how could he have produced such a beautiful son?
The uncles and elders, around the same age as Xiaomi's father, were a bit unconvinced. They thought back to when that kid wasn't
much of a figure at home. If it weren't for the fact that he was an orphan, desperately poor, and couldn't stay at home, he'd run off to the city as an apprentice and end up
being taken in as a son-in-law. Who would have thought that a simpleton could actually have such good fortune?
After everyone had their fill of the tour, they exchanged a few perfunctory greetings with Xiaomi and went home. With no vacant rooms in the production team,
where Xiaomi would stay became a problem. The commune cadre in charge of educated youth asked the team leader, who was also in a dilemma
. After thinking for a long time, he reluctantly said, "There's really no other place, so he'll have to stay at my house."
The team leader was actually a distant relative of Xiaomi's, though Xiaomi didn't know this. His father had never
told him about his family history; frankly, an orphan didn't have much of a fascinating family history to tell. However, it was
true that Xiaomi's father had always wanted a son. He said their family had been a single-lineage line for generations, and he couldn't let the line
end with him. Xiaomi's maternal grandparents adored her when they were alive; her grandfather always called her a "person of the Mi family
."
Knowing she would be living with such a man, Xiaomi carefully observed him. The team
leader should be about the same age as her father, but he looked older, with darker, rougher skin.
Xiaomi discovered that this man in his fifties
(actually not that old) was definitely a handsome man (in his youth, of course). He had
a square face, thick eyebrows, large eyes, and a bushy beard, giving him an imposing appearance, yet his gaze was very gentle.
Xiaomi couldn't help but like this man.
The commune cadres asked Xiaomi if she wanted to stay at the team leader's house. If not, she could find another place to stay
temporarily, and the team would try to build her two rooms.
Xiaomi said, "There's no need to build a new house. I'm fine staying at Uncle's."
The cadre thought for a moment and said, "That's true. You city kids won't stay here for long."
So, Xiaomi stayed at the team leader's house for more than three years, until 1979
when all the educated youth returned to the city.
Xiaomi
's quick agreement to stay at the team leader's house put the team leader in a difficult position. His wife had passed away two years ago,
two of his three daughters were married, and his youngest daughter, who was about the same age as Xiaomi, was still at home and hadn't found a boyfriend yet. If he brought a
young man home now, wouldn't people gossip if they didn't know the situation?
But the words had already been spoken and couldn't be taken back, so the team leader had no choice but to bite the bullet and bring Xiaomi home.
On the way, the team leader said to Xiaomi, "Child, what's your name?"
Xiaomi replied, "My name is Miler, but Uncle, just call me Xiaomi. That's what everyone calls me."
"Xiaomi, when you get to my house, you might not feel comfortable. Your aunt has been dead for two years. Besides me,
you have an older sister. If you need anything, just tell me. Don't be shy. We're relatives."
Xiaomi said, "No, I won't. My sisters all went to the countryside, and I've stayed with them too. Besides, Uncle,
don't think that life in the city is so great. Many families still don't have enough to eat."
"Is that so?" The team leader smiled. "Don't worry, child, although the food here might not be great, we still have enough to eat." The
team leader's family was relatively well-off in the countryside at the time, and their house was very clean. The team leader's daughter
also liked Xiaomi, this young man from the city. Plus, the team leader told her that Xiaomi was her uncle's child, her younger brother.
Perhaps because the team leader didn't have a son, he couldn't help but sigh when he mentioned the word "brother."
That evening, the team leader initially intended to arrange for Xiaomi to sleep in a room alone, but after thinking for a moment, he said to her,
"Xiaomi, would you like to share a room with Uncle?"
Xiaomi wanted to say that she was used to living alone at home, but considering she had just arrived at someone else's house, she
hesitated and nodded.
Her daughter, being naive, said, "Dad, we have so many rooms in our house, I can just prepare one for him,
why should he have to listen to you snoring all night?"
The team leader glared at his daughter: "What do you know? Go to sleep!"
Before she could say anything more, Xiaomi saw the team leader's stern gaze and quickly said, "Sister, don't say anything more, I
snore too. Besides, I'm timid, your house is so big, I'm afraid to sleep alone."
Later, Xiaomi learned about the team leader's worries. It turned out that many educated youths, feeling lonely in the countryside, started
dating local girls, some even living together. But once the men returned to the city, they turned their backs on them.
The team leader was afraid his daughter would also be fooled by city kids, and he regretted his decision to bring Xiaomi home today
. However, the team leader, who had no son, still genuinely
liked Xiaomi, with her delicate skin and pretty features.
Xiaomi, on the other hand, was now a little regretful; if he had known his hometown was so remote and the living conditions so poor, he would have preferred
to become a coal miner in Shanxi.
That evening, after dinner, the team leader told Xiaomi to go wash up, but after looking around for a while,
he couldn't find a washroom. Embarrassed, he asked, "Where do I wash?" The team leader smiled and led him to the toilet/pigsty.
"Wash here. It's not as good as in the city, but it'll have to do."
The team leader placed a bucket of hot water and a kerosene lamp on a wooden board on the wall, then casually closed the door and left.
He went there, and although Xiao Mi's family wasn't well-off, it was still far from what he had imagined. He nervously took off his
clothes, and in the dim light, he saw the eyes of several pigs, who were also staring at him curiously
. A chill ran down Xiao Mi's spine.
He quickly washed up and rushed back to the captain's dormitory: "You scared me to death!"
The captain asked hurriedly, "What happened?"
"Rats, pigs," Xiao Mi said, still looking shaken.
The captain laughed heartily: "What's the big deal? Are you really some clueless city kid? What's there to be
afraid of in a rat? And you shouldn't be afraid of a pig either. You weren't afraid when you ate it, were you?"
Xiao Mi himself felt he was overreacting and laughed sheepishly: "That's a different matter."
The captain affectionately patted Xiao Mi's head and gently pinched his cheek: "Go to sleep. You've walked a
lot today and must be tired. There's a lot to do tomorrow."
The captain quickly took off his clothes, and Xiao Mi was surprised to find that the captain wasn't
wearing anything underneath. Before Xiao Mi could even see the captain's body clearly, the captain had already slipped into bed: "Hurry up, what are you standing there for?"
Xiao Mi wasn't used to sleeping naked; he wore a vest or shorts. The captain said:
"Why sleep in these? It's more comfortable to sleep naked. Clothes wear out and cost money and cloth coupons."
Xiao Mi didn't answer. That first night, he stayed far away, afraid to approach the captain's naked body.
4.
Xiao Mi grew up surrounded by women. Although he didn't possess much masculinity, he was definitely
not effeminate, and his sexual orientation was perfectly normal. At seventeen, Xiao Mi was just beginning puberty, and his impressions of women were still hazy.
To date, he hadn't liked any girl.
More than a decade later, when Xiao Mi became a full-fledged gay man, and one of the few older men among them
, he often thought that if he hadn't spent a few years as a sent-down youth in his hometown, or hadn't shared a bed with the older man, or
hadn't met that classmate in college who looked remarkably like the team leader in his youth, perhaps his life would be completely different today
.
However, life is full of coincidences, and there aren't so many "or"s or "maybes."
The team leader cared for Xiao Mi wholeheartedly, a concern that came from the bottom of his heart, without any ulterior motives.
Xiao Mi was his distant relative, a city boy who had left his hometown for a completely unfamiliar place. If he didn't
care, who would? Besides, who wouldn't like such a lovable boy like Xiao Mi?
The captain had no son, which was the biggest regret of his life. Although it's said that a son-in-law is half a son, and he had raised
three daughters, two of whom were already married, he still liked those two sons-in-law very much, but it just didn't
feel like having a biological son.
What was it like to have a biological son? He himself didn't know.
But that night, when Xiaomi nervously curled up in the corner of the bed, looking at Xiaomi's
peaceful face through the pale moonlight from the window, smelling the faint scent of soap on the child, our captain, who was about to reach "fifty," suddenly
felt a "real" fatherhood. Wasn't this child curled up in the corner of the bed a
son that heaven had taken pity on him and sent to him?
The captain gently touched Xiaomi's face, feeling a desire to hold him in his arms and kiss him passionately.
Just as he was about to act on it, Xiaomi turned over and kept murmuring softly. This made the captain suddenly wake up.
He slapped his forehead, laughing and scolding himself for being so obsessed with his son. Wouldn't he scare the child if he actually did it?
The team leader became melancholic again, thinking of his short-lived wife.
They had been through thick and thin for over twenty years, fighting and making love, but that wretched woman hadn't given him a
son.
Amidst Xiaomi's even breathing, the team leader drifted off to sleep with regret.
The next day, instead of making Xiaomi work in the fields, the team leader took him around the village, introducing him to the uncles
, grandfathers, grandmothers, aunts, and grandmothers. In the evening, he took Xiaomi to the ancestral graves to burn incense.
On the way home after paying respects to the ancestors, the team leader complained to Xiaomi, "Your father is a scoundrel too. He's been away from
home for so many years, never coming back to visit, to kowtow to the ancestors, or burn incense. Child, no matter what,
you can't forget your roots."
Xiaomi suddenly felt that the team leader was more like his father.
Xiaomi's understanding of his father was more rational than emotional. Growing up,
the concept of a father was practically nonexistent. His father sometimes only came home once every two years, for only half a month each time, bringing him toys
and candy, while spending the rest of the time with his mother.
In his brief two-day encounter with the captain, Xiaomi experienced the warmth of fatherly love he had never felt before, and he
began to like this distant uncle.
The next night, Xiaomi slept in only shorts and deliberately moved closer to the uncle,
which flattered the captain. The uncle reached out and gently pulled Xiaomi into his arms, letting him rest his head
on his strong, broad chest. Xiaomi smelled the captain's strong, mature masculine scent and the pungent
smell of tobacco—something his father seemed to lack.
The captain gently held Xiaomi, and Xiaomi's head rested on the captain's chest; they looked like a
father and son with a deep bond.
Xiaomi even noticed how pleasant the captain's snoring was.
For the first few days, the team leader had Xiao Mi do some light work with a group of women. However, Xiao Mi
felt extremely awkward among them. The rural women were used to using coarse language and spoke without restraint, mostly about bedroom
matters. Seventeen-year-old Xiao Mi had never experienced anything like this before. Sometimes, when the older women brought up his own issues
, Xiao Mi felt incredibly ashamed. He didn't realize that the more embarrassed he was, the happier the women were, and the more they
teased him. Xiao Mi felt both sorry for and hateful towards these ignorant women. Of course, he didn't dare to
provoke them. Fine, if he couldn't afford to offend them, he could at least avoid them.
Xiao Mi told the team leader he wanted to change jobs. The team leader asked what happened, "Did they bully you?" Xiao Mi stammered
for a while before finally saying, "They didn't really bully me, but their jokes were a bit too much."
The team leader laughed, "I thought they had done something to you. They just liked you and were teasing you."
"But you don't know, their jokes are..."
"Alright, alright, I'll talk to them tomorrow. Don't worry, they won't do anything to you."
The team leader thought, these women, those city kids, so delicate and fair-skinned, what are they so jealous of?
The next day, the team leader really took Xiao Mi to the women's group. He sternly told them not to
make inappropriate jokes with the students, lest they corrupt them. He added at the end, "If any of you really can't hold it in
, come find me tonight."
Unexpectedly, this last sentence caused trouble. The women, having just been scolded, felt a little guilty for going
too far yesterday. They also blamed the city kid for being so ungrateful; joking with you meant she liked you, and she even went to the team leader to
complain. How pathetic. Now that the captain said that, they got excited again. They exchanged glances and pounced on him all at once
: "No need for tonight, we can't hold back anymore."
The captain had seen how powerful they were before, and while backing away, he said, "Never mind... never mind..." Before he could
finish speaking, he was already pinned to the ground by several women. In less than a minute, the captain was completely naked.
The women burst into laughter. The captain awkwardly got up from the ground, embarrassedly covering his genitals with his hands.
Several women pulled his hands away, and now the captain was completely exposed, his entire body completely visible.
Xiao Mi was stunned. The captain's thing was nothing short of "giant." Xiao Mi had never seen
the genitals of any other adult man before. Although the captain had been sleeping naked these past few days, the captain had turned his back to him and
moved very quickly when he took off his clothes. Xiao Mi himself had never intended to see the captain's penis. He thought that all men's things were pretty much the
same. Now he realized he was wrong. The captain's penis, with its huge mushroom head,
was worlds apart from his own.
The women passed the captain's clothes around, and the captain, like a captured fox being toyed with by a pack of hunting dogs,
ran futilely left and right amidst the women's laughter. His thick pubic hair couldn't conceal his enormous penis, which
swayed wildly with each run. Finally, the captain stopped running. He realized he would
never get his clothes back this way, so he simply sat down on the ground, panting heavily: "I don't want the clothes anymore,
you can have them. I'll sleep better with them tonight."
This trick worked quite well; the prey obediently surrendered, and the hunter naturally lost interest. The women thought... Having had
enough of the commotion, he threw the clothes back at the captain: "Take them and get out of here. Who cares about your stinky skin?"
The captain put on his clothes, grabbed Xiaomi, and left, saying as he went, "I can't leave you here. These tigresses
might devour you alive."
The captain didn't seem to feel undignified about being naked in front of Xiaomi
. He looked at Xiaomi and said nonchalantly, "These women are used to being wild. Don't mind, Xiaomi."
Xiaomi didn't reply. His mind was filled with the captain's enormous, somewhat deformed genitals. At
that moment, he suddenly felt a surge of curiosity about adult men's genitals.
5
Ever since the captain was forced to be naked in front of Xiaomi, he no longer made a conscious effort to cover his
body in front of her.
Although Xiaomi was curious about the uncle's body, whenever the uncle was naked in front of him,
he would blush, his heart would race, and he would involuntarily lower his head, a situation he himself found very perplexing.
Xiaomi had been living with Uncle for almost a month. Due to the remote location, he had barely
left the house during that month, and life was monotonous and dull. Xiaomi's curiosity about the countryside had slowly faded away. Although Uncle hadn't assigned
him any heavy work, the hardship of life left him feeling exhausted every day.
Seeing Xiaomi's increasingly thin face, the team leader felt truly sorry for him and decided to improve his living conditions.
One morning, the team leader said to Xiaomi, "Xiaomi, I have to go to a meeting at the commune today, and it happens to be market day. You've
been here for over a month and haven't been to a market yet. Go see if there's anything you need to buy, and we'll
have breakfast together after my meeting."
At that time, there was a market every seven days, which meant every Sunday. In 1976, material life was extremely scarce.
I remember that spring famine that year; in some places, even elm bark was eaten by starving people.
As soon as it was light, Xiaomi and the team leader ate breakfast and set off.
Xiaomi was a man of few words; he answered whatever was asked, making him
a target of the villagers' teasing. They often set traps for him in their question-and-answer sessions, and Xiaomi's honest answers usually left the villagers
laughing hysterically, while he remained completely bewildered. The team leader often helped him, admonishing his subjects not to tease the city kid
, saying he was still young and didn't have as many tricks up his sleeve. Everyone said the team leader was biased because, in their
eyes, he had never been so kind to anyone, not even the women he had slept with.
On the way to the commune, the team leader chatted with Xiaomi, and Xiaomi gradually became more talkative. As they talked,
Xiaomi suddenly realized that he had spoken
more to his uncle in the past few days than he had spoken to his father in the past ten years combined.
As they approached the commune, the roadside was filled with more and more people heading to the market. The team leader kept greeting acquaintances. People
looked at Xiao Mi with surprise, asking him who this pretty child was. The team leader casually claimed that the
child was his son, and those who didn't know much about him actually believed him, marveling that such a rough and
uncultured man could have such a lovely son.
The team leader laughed heartily: "That's what they call not judging a book by its cover. Why couldn't I have such a good son?"
After laughing, he sighed deeply and said to Xiao Mi, "Xiao Mi, if I really had such a good son as you,
I could die in peace."
Xiao Mi knew that the team leader was often saddened by not having a son, and he also knew how much rural families valued sons.
"Raising a son is for old age security," and a family without a son was called "extinct." "Of the three unfilial acts, the greatest is having no descendants."
The uncle had been powerful all his life, but this was the very thing that made him feel inferior.
Seeing the look in the uncle's eyes shift from longing to disappointment, Xiao Mi's heart stirred. He took the uncle
's hand and said softly, "Uncle, I am your son. As long as you don't mind, I will call you Dad."
The captain was stunned, staring blankly at Xiao Mi for a long time before he came to his senses and said with great joy, "Really?"
Xiao Mi nodded seriously.
The team leader hugged him tightly: "Good, good. How could I dislike him?" He kissed Xiao Mi on the forehead and
said happily, "I have a son! Heaven took pity on me and sent me a son."
A single, cloudy tear rolled down the team leader's face.
After the meeting at noon, the commune had prepared lunch, but the team leader, thinking that Xiao Mi was still loitering alone in the field,
made an excuse to slip away.
After finding Xiao Mi in the field, he took him to the best restaurant in the area, ordered several good dishes, and half
a jin of liquor. Xiao Mi didn't drink, but after the team leader's repeated persuasion, he took a small sip. The team leader was particularly happy and drank
more, becoming more talkative and louder, calling him "son" affectionately and constantly piling food into Xiao Mi's bowl
, making Xiao Mi very embarrassed.
As they left the restaurant, the captain seemed a little tipsy. Xiao Mi offered to help him, but he refused, saying, "I'm just happy today.
Don't think I'm drunk, kid. This little bit of alcohol won't get me drunk."
On the way home, the captain kept telling Xiao Mi about his family history, including many little-known
stories about his father—stories his father had never told him. In fact, his father rarely
mentioned his hometown or its people in front of them. Xiao Mi was very interested and asked many questions. It was then that
he understood why the uncle was so close to him; it turned out the uncle and his father shared a common ancestor.
While talking, the captain suddenly felt the urge to urinate. He told Xiao Mi to wait a moment, then unzipped his pants by the roadside and pulled out his
large, dark member to urinate. Perhaps he was truly drunk, because he didn't seem to care that Xiao Mi was right beside him
. Xiao Mi saw what he had been longing for again, and his heart raced. He tried to turn his head away, but couldn't pull
his gaze away; it was as if the uncle's thing was a magnet, stubbornly attracting his attention.
The captain's urination was quite long, and Xiao Mi watched until the uncle finished, shook his genitals, and put them
inside his pants before reluctantly looking away.
Xiao Mi barely heard what the captain said afterward; his mind was filled with the captain's enormous genitals.
Xiao
Mi was a shy young man. Although he harbored fantasies about the uncle's penis, and the uncle still
faced him naked that night, he never dared to cross the line.
The team leader was overjoyed to have a godson. He was worried that Xiao Mi might have just said it to comfort him, so that evening,
for the first time, he held Xiao Mi in his arms, gently stroking his hair, and asked somewhat uncertainly, "Xiao Mi,
are you really willing to accept me as your godfather? You're not just trying to make me happy, are you?"
Held in the uncle's arms, Xiao Mi was flattered and replied, "Of course it's true, unless you
don't want me."
The team leader kissed Xiao Mi's cheek: "Silly child, I've been missing my son so much, how could I not want you?
But today I feel like I'm dreaming, it doesn't feel real. I'm just an old man from the countryside, not very educated, and
I can't help you much, how..." " How lucky you are!"
Xiao Mi said earnestly, "Uncle, I like you. I grew up in a family without a man. I
only see my father once every year or two. Although he likes me, he doesn't know how to care for me. He thinks that
buying me toys and candy every time he comes home is enough to show his love. But I don't like that. What I want is care. I want
a mature man to teach me how to be a man." Xiao Mi leaned closer to the uncle. "You don't know
, my family is full of women. When I was little, my older sisters' greatest joy was dressing me up as a little
girl. When I went to school, I still wore their clothes, and my classmates all laughed." "They call me 'pretty girl,' and in junior high
, some classmates called me Zhu Yingtai (a famous Chinese historical figure known for her tragic love story), saying I'm a fake man. In high school, a boy even asked me to be his girlfriend
. I don't want this, but I don't know what to do. Sometimes, I can't even find someone to confide in.
Now, with you as my father, I can finally talk to you."
The uncle lovingly stroked Xiao Mi's face, smiling, "My poor child, but honestly, you're
prettier than most girls. However, a real man isn't defined by his appearance. As long as you believe in yourself as a man and
do what a man should do, you're a real man. In the future, if anything happens, remember to call me..."
"I will do everything in my power to help you," said the captain
. Xiao Mi asked, "What are the things a man should do?"
The captain was momentarily speechless. After thinking for a long time, he laughed, "You silly child. In two years, you'll
understand. You're still young now."
Xiao Mi pouted and said discontentedly, "I'm seventeen, almost eighteen! How can I still be young?"
The captain laughed, "In my eyes, you're still a little child."
To let everyone know that Xiao Mi was his godson, the captain specially chose an auspicious day, invited
elders from his family, his relatives, and even called back his two married daughters and sons-in-law. He held a banquet and
a solemn ceremony.
The elders and relatives in the clan were all happy for the team leader, but the daughters were unimpressed. The eldest daughter said, "
What's there to be happy about? How long can he stay here? Who will even recognize you when he goes back to the city?" The youngest daughter thought her father was just
seeking solace and satisfying his vanity. She attended the commune-run junior high school for a few days and criticized
Confucius for a few days. "Father is just being misled by Confucius's idea that 'of the three unfilial acts, the greatest is to have no descendants
.' What's wrong with your daughter? Your daughter is still a descendant of the revolution."
The second daughter was even more extreme: "He adopted a godson, where does that leave us? If he's so capable, he won't rely on us when he's old . Let
's see if his godson is reliable."
Of course, these were just things the three sisters said behind their backs; they didn't dare
say them to their father's face. But this feeling, this dissatisfaction with their father's adoption of a godson, was beginning to sprout in their hearts
.
But that's another story.
Xiaomi's sisters also learned that she had found a godfather back in their hometown. At that time, only her eldest
sister was still living in the countryside. They praised Xiaomi for being clever and knowing how to find a support for herself. Her eldest sister and brother-in-law even
made a special trip of over 100 li (approximately 50 kilometers) to see Xiaomi. Her eldest sister was quite charming, calling her "Uncle" affectionately.
On behalf of their deceased parents and her sisters in the city, she thanked the team leader for his concern for Xiaomi and told her to listen to him.
Don't upset the older man; stay home and train hard.
The team leader always felt this older woman was no ordinary person. He and her husband got along quite well. That evening,
after a few cups of baijiu, they chatted like brothers.
The team leader got drunk that night. After settling his sister and brother-in-law in, Xiaomi helped the older man into the bedroom. The little girl said,
"Daddy's in your care now," and went to her own room to sleep.
Xiaomi fetched hot water for the captain to wash his face, then took off his clothes to sleep. When he undressed the uncle completely,
he froze again. He saw the captain's enormous male organ again. Although it was lifeless now,
lying limply in the messy pubic hair, it still stood out. Xiaomi also noticed the uncle's
abundant body hair; the hair on his stomach almost merged with his pubic hair, very thick and beautiful. Xiaomi's gaze
fell on the uncle's alluring penis, and suddenly he felt an urge to pounce and kiss it. He found
his strange thoughts terrifying, so he reluctantly looked away, covered the uncle with the blanket, and began to undress
himself. When he was down to only his shorts, he hesitated for a moment, then quickly pulled off his underwear and
crawled naked into bed.
This was the first time Xiaomi had ever slept naked.
After crawling into bed, Xiao Mi felt his body burning hot. The uncle was already snoring loudly. Xiao Mi
knew that once the uncle was asleep, not even thunder could wake him. Emboldened, he tried to suppress his wildly beating heart,
reaching out with trembling hands to gently stroke the uncle's body. He pressed his head tightly against the uncle's chest, listening to the uncle's
strong heartbeat, smelling the uncle's unique masculine scent and strong smell of alcohol. His trembling hand slid towards
the place he had always longed for…
7.
Xiao Mi and the captain became even closer a few months later, on a hot summer day. The captain's second daughter had given birth, and
the younger daughter had gone to take care of her older sister, leaving only the captain and Xiao Mi at home. One morning, Xiao Mi suddenly had a stomachache
and went home without finishing his work. When he arrived at the door, he found it unlocked. He wondered why the uncle
hadn't gotten out of bed when he suddenly heard a strange sound coming from the bedroom. Xiao Mi tiptoed in, gently pushed the bedroom
door open a crack, and peeked inside. What she saw shocked her:
the captain was standing naked in front of the bed, holding a woman's legs on his shoulders, doing what his parents had done before
. The woman was moaning loudly as the captain thrust into her violently, while he panted heavily
. Xiao Mi saw large beads of sweat trickling down the captain's bronze back. His
buttocks were snow-white, a stark contrast to the rest of his body; Xiao Mi knew it was because that area hadn't been exposed
to the sun.
Xiao Mi saw the man's testicles swing back and forth with his movements, and vaguely saw his
penis moving in and out of the woman's body...
Xiao Mi felt his head spinning, his blood rushing to his head, and his legs going weak. He wanted to leave, but he couldn't
move his legs. Just then, he heard the man shout, and his movements became more intense.
The "smack" of bodies colliding and the "plop, plop" of the man's huge penis entering and leaving the woman's body blended
together, forming a beautiful duet. The woman also screamed loudly. Suddenly, everything froze.
The man and woman in the room were silent, as if even time had stopped...
Xiao Mi quickly hid in the inner room. He heard the man and woman's conversation: "Am I alright? Are you satisfied
?"
"You bastard, you think you're so great."
"How does he compare to your man?"
"If you're not even as good as him, why did I come to you?"
"Is he really no good?"
"Well, it's not that it won't work, it's just that the product isn't strong enough and doesn't last long."
The captain suddenly shouted, "Hey, what are you doing?"
The woman chuckled and said, "I'm going to take this back with me and use it every night."
"You son of a bitch, you're really addicted! Come every night, I'll let you have your fill."
After the woman left, the captain laughed and said, "Godson, come out, what are you hiding for?"
Xiao Mi blushed and came out, explaining, "I...I, I didn't see anything."
The captain patted Xiao Mi's head and said kindly, "So what if you saw something? It's alright."
Xiao Mi lowered his head, and the captain said, "I knew you were back, and I knew you were peeping. It's nothing, kids
, what kid hasn't peeked?"
He touched Xiao Mi's face: "How is it? Is your godfather alright?"
After a long pause, Xiao Mi blurted out, "Uncle, isn't what you're doing a bit inappropriate?"
The captain was stunned. He stared blankly at the rooftop for a long time before saying, "Son, you don't know how
bitter your father's heart is."
Of course, Xiao Mi knew. The uncle's wife had passed away from illness almost three years ago. For a strong man,
life without a wife was truly unbearable.
That evening, the uncle hugged Xiaomi and gently asked, "Son, you won't look down on your old man, will you?"
"No, I know you've suffered a lot, Uncle," Xiaomi said, resting his head in his arms.
"Good boy, I knew you were a very understanding boy, unlike my daughters," the team leader
sighed.
"They're good too, I think they're quite filial."
"You have no idea how much I've suffered my whole life,"
the team leader told Xiaomi. He explained that when he was young, he loved a girl, and they were very much in love. However, their families
were enemies and refused to let them be together. Later, the girl's family married her off to another place, and his family found him a
wife and hastily arranged the marriage.
Xiaomi thought, "Another victim of feudal society."
The captain and his wife had a life full of ups and downs. He couldn't let go of his beloved far away, so
naturally he found fault with everyone around him. His wife, of course, was equally fierce, often fighting over trivial matters. Their three daughters
sided with their mother, though they dared not speak out, they kept their distance from him, and their relationship gradually deteriorated.
Later, his wife developed rheumatic heart disease, making it virtually impossible for her to have sex. At that time, the captain was not yet forty
, as strong as a bull, and naturally couldn't bear the loneliness. The captain was also well-liked, so naturally...
He was very popular with women. At that time, relationships between men and women in rural areas were relatively open, so
it was easy for him to find a woman to solve his sexual problems. Because of his large size and skill, word spread quickly, and everyone knew
he had a large, impressive member. Some women, lonely and unsatisfied with their husbands, actively
sought him out. His wife, though impotent herself, refused to give up her position, leading to a very tense relationship between the couple. Their
three daughters added fuel to the fire, frequently telling their mother about their father's relationships with other women. His wife, helpless against the team leader
, would retaliate against the other women, making him feel like a pariah. When the team leader was forty-
five, his wife, with whom he had argued for most of his life, passed away. He finally had some peace and quiet, but his daughters
stubbornly believed that their mother had been driven to her death by their father, and therefore harbored resentment towards him.
When recounting these events, the team leader spoke very calmly, as if it were something unrelated to him. Indeed,
he had long since become numb to it all.
The captain said that even now, if he were to treat that woman even slightly well, his daughters would confront him, accusing
him of betraying their deceased mother.
The captain's voice then became somewhat agitated: "Damn it, I'm a human being too!
Don't I even have basic rights? Their mother died, so I have to stay with her for life? What kind of logic is that?"
Xiao Mi didn't know how to comfort the uncle. After a while, he whispered, "Maybe they're just concerned about saving face
."
The captain angrily said, "Damn it, they care about face, so I have to suffer?" He
pulled Xiao Mi closer, "Alright, let's not talk about these unpleasant things anymore, go to sleep."
Xiao Mi said coquettishly, "I can't sleep, I want to hear you talk."
The captain hugged Xiao Mi, suddenly noticing that Xiao Mi was also naked today, just like him. He curiously
touched Xiao Mi's bottom and laughed, "Hey? Why did you take your pants off to sleep today?"
Xiao Mi said, "I'm your son, of course a son should learn from his father."
8.
Xiao Mi had always had a question in his mind, one he wanted to ask but couldn't bring himself to ask. Today, his relationship with the uncle had
become even closer, and the uncle had even told him his most private things. What else could he not tell him?
"Uncle (Xiao Mi always called the captain 'Uncle,' but after the captain recognized him as his godson, he told him to call him 'Godfather,' but Xiao
Mi couldn't bring himself to do it. Sometimes, when he was happy, he would still call him 'Dad,' which made the captain extremely happy),"
Xiao Mi murmured, "I want to ask you a question, but I don't know if I should ask it. If I ask the wrong question, please don't scold me
."
The captain's hand slid across Xiao Mi's back, and Xiao Mi felt particularly comfortable. “Ask away, when did I ever insult you?”
Xiaomi’s hand roamed over the captain’s lower abdomen. “Why is my penis different from yours?”
The captain was taken aback, then burst into laughter: “You silly child, I thought you were going to ask something.
How is it different?”
Xiaomi whispered: “Why is yours so thick and long? And, and… so big.”
The captain stopped laughing and said seriously: “Child, people often say, ‘A hundred things are the same, a hundred things are different.’ When have you ever
seen two people who look exactly alike? It’s normal to be different, as long as it works.”
Xiaomi stubbornly said: “But I just think yours is different.”
The captain’s hand suddenly grabbed Xiaomi’s penis, and Xiaomi’s penis immediately became hard.
The captain couldn't help but exclaim, "Ha, you really are a young lad! You got up right away. Let your dad
take a look and see what's different between my son's and mine!"
Xiao Mi was extremely shy, covering his face with his hands to prevent the captain from seeing. The captain laughed and said, "What's there to be shy about? I
've slept naked with you for over half a year, what haven't I shown you?" He sat up, pried Xiao Mi's hands off, and said,
"Let me see, otherwise how will I know what's different between yours and mine?"
Xiao Mi let go, and the captain turned on his flashlight. Xiao Mi's penis immediately sprang to attention, standing erect. Xiao Mi shyly
covered his eyes with his hands. The captain looked closely and said, "Yours is perfectly normal. What's
the difference? Oh, it's just that the foreskin is a little long. After you get married and do 'that' (sexual intercourse) with your wife,
it will naturally come out." He tried to pull out Xiao Mi's foreskin with his hand, but without success. He said:
"It is a bit long, but many people are like that, and they still get married and have children. It's okay. You just need to
wash it often, and pay attention to cleaning the inside. If the foreskin is long, smegma easily accumulates inside, and if you don't wash it for a long time, it will become inflamed
."
Xiaomi sat up as well: "But mine isn't as big as yours!"
The captain laughed again: "Everyone has different heights and weights. How can they be the same size?"
Xiaomi was still worried: "See, mine is only as big as yours when it's erect. It doesn't matter, does it?"
The captain quickly reassured him: "No, no, I've seen many men, and they..." " It's not as big as yours,
you've given birth to a whole houseful of babies."
Xiaomi said shyly, "Really? Daddy, I want to see what you look like when you're hard."
The captain pressed him down on the bed: "You little rascal, what's there to see? It's all the same, isn't it? Besides, I'm
old, I can't just get up whenever I want. Do you think I'm still a teenager or a young man in my twenties? Go to sleep,
we have to work tomorrow."
Xiaomi lay down next to the captain disappointedly, one hand grasping the captain's limp penis. The captain pushed his hand away,
but Xiaomi stubbornly grabbed it again. The captain sighed helplessly and let Xiaomi do as he pleased.
From the next day on, the captain also started wearing underwear to bed.
Seeing that the uncle disliked his behavior, Xiao Mi dared not be so presumptuous anymore. However, he was still a big kid, and his curiosity
was irrepressible. At night, after the uncle fell asleep, he would still put his hand inside the uncle's underwear and touch his
penis, as if only then could he fall asleep. The captain, of course, knew all this. Every morning when he woke up, he would pull Xiao Mi's hand
out of his underwear and pat Xiao Mi's bottom a few times. His expression was like that of a loving father
helplessly shaking his head at a naughty child. Several times, while he was fast asleep, he was aroused by Xiao Mi's touch. Looking at
Xiao Mi's sleeping face, he had an urge to hug him and kiss him passionately, but he suppressed
his impulse because he knew that Xiao Mi was still a child, and he couldn't hurt him.
Xiaomi
had been working in the countryside for a year. In that year, he had hardly done any dirty or heavy work, yet his work points
were the same as those of a full-time laborer. This led to gossip. The team leader, an upright and incorruptible man, knew this
couldn't continue, but he really didn't want the delicate Xiaomi to do the heavy work like those others.
He wanted to find a way for Xiaomi.
The team leader tossed and turned in bed for several nights. His first thought was to make Xiaomi the team's points clerk, but the original clerk
was doing well and was also the son-in-law of the village party secretary. He couldn't find an excuse, and besides, others wouldn't
agree. This idea had to be abandoned. He felt his own abilities were limited and he couldn't help his son. He was very disappointed in himself
, sighing and tossing and turning in bed, unable to sleep. When Xiaomi asked him what was wrong, he wouldn't answer, making
Xiaomi afraid to put her hand near the team leader at night. On the third night, he finally came up with a good idea: "
Isn't our village short of a teacher?" The original teacher taught a combined class of three grades by himself and repeatedly
requested that a teacher be sent, but because the place was too remote and far from the commune, no one was willing to come. This dragged on for
several years. Why not talk to the principal of the township primary school and ask Xiaomi to be a substitute teacher?
Early the next morning, the team leader, without even having breakfast, rushed to the commune to find the secretary in charge of schools.
He had a good relationship with the secretary, who readily agreed. They then went to the primary school principal, who said:
“I’ve long wanted to set up another class there. One person teaching three grades is a challenge. Teacher Li
is almost sixty; he’s too old for that, and the teaching quality isn’t good. But we haven’t been able to find a suitable candidate. Xiaomi
is a high school student; she should be fine.”
The Party Secretary arranged for the principal to go and assign classes the next day. The team leader couldn’t wait, fearing things might go wrong, so he asked the principal
to go with him that day. The Party Secretary laughed: “You son of a bitch, you jump to conclusions! Fine, today it is.
I’ll go with you.”
The village primary school was located in the Zhao family ancestral hall in Xiaomi’s hometown, and there was only one teacher, almost sixty years old. Because of his family background
… It didn't matter much; he'd been here for over twenty years. Luckily, his home wasn't far, and he
could go home every Saturday. He'd spent over twenty years alone in this dilapidated temple, though
a few teachers had come and gone like a revolving door. He, however, was rooted to the spot. Only
he knew the bitterness of it all. Now, in his old age, a young educated youth from the city kept him company. Firstly, he wasn't so busy anymore, and
secondly, he had someone to talk to. The old teacher was naturally very happy. The classes were divided: the old teacher taught first and third grade, and Xiao Mi taught
fourth grade. This meant he wouldn't have to work in the fields, and he'd have Sundays off, and winter and summer vacations to rest. Xiao Mi was naturally overjoyed.
The team leader was even happier than Xiao Mi when he became a teacher. In his heart, Xiao Mi was like his own son;
how could a father not be happy when his son was successful?
Neither the team leader nor Xiao Mi could have imagined that Xiao Mi's two years as a private school teacher would change his entire life.
Now, when Xiao Mi (who is no longer Xiao Mi) recalls that experience, she feels a mix of emotions. Perhaps
… the world doesn't offer so many "perhaps," Mi Le tells herself. Since she chose this life, there's
nothing to complain about; everything is arranged by fate. But Mi Le wonders, what if her first
sexual experience wasn't with a man, but with an older man?
Mi Le doesn't know, and neither does the old team leader who lives with her now.
Chapter Two: Growing Pains
10
The team leader says to Xiao Mi: "Xiao Mi, now you're a teacher, the first
intellectual from our Zhao family! Although intellectuals aren't popular these days, I think every dynasty needs cultured people.
Now you have more time, you can read more books. Didn't we take down the 'Gang of Four'? Maybe you'll need it someday
."
Xiao Mi is unconvinced: "What? The more knowledge you have, the more reactionary you are. I'm lucky I didn't spend my whole life in the countryside."
The team leader taps Xiao Mi on the head: "What nonsense are you talking about? You're a teacher now, how can you still say…" "If that's the case
, what's the point of the students learning?"
Xiao Mi laughed, "I'm only saying this in front of you."
The team leader told Xiao Mi to learn more from Teacher Li in teaching matters. Teacher Li had been teaching before Liberation and had experience
. He said to Xiao Mi, "You're a teacher because the commune secretary is doing me a favor. You have to make me proud and
not let me down."
Xiao Mi said, "Don't worry, I will definitely make you proud."
The team leader led Xiao Mi to Teacher Li and said to him, "Teacher Li, I'm entrusting Xiao Mi to you.
He's still just a child, he doesn't know much..." "He has no experience. You're an experienced teacher, you should guide him more."
Teacher Li, a typical old scholar from the old society, pushed up his old-fashioned glasses and hurriedly said
, "Not at all, not at all, I'm old, I can't keep up with the times, I can't compare to the young people, Teacher Mi, I still need to give him more guidance."
Seeing Teacher Li's obsequious manner, Xiao Mi couldn't help but laugh. The team leader glared at him and
said to Teacher Li, "Teacher Li, you don't need to be so polite to me. If I say he should learn from you, then he should learn from you.
You are his elder, so if he does anything wrong, you should still discipline him. He doesn't..." " Tell me what you think,
and I'll teach him a lesson."
Seeing the team leader's serious face, Teacher Li quickly nodded and said, "Okay, okay, let's learn from each other and help each other."
Teacher Li was a kind-hearted person. Rural children start school late; many of the fourth-grade students
were already twelve or thirteen years old. Rural children were used to being wild and didn't take Xiao Mi, a big kid, seriously at all. The classroom was always
chaotic, and no matter how Xiao Mi scolded them, it was useless. Xiao Mi even considered getting physical with them, but they still didn't take
him seriously. Xiao Mi got angry, threw down his books, and stormed off, while the brats were overjoyed. Finally,
Teacher Li came to the rescue. He stood on the podium, glared at them, and the little ones immediately quieted down. Looking out
the window, Xiao Mi noticed that the usually timid Teacher Li seemed like a completely different person—authoritative and confident. Xiao Mi then
realized that being a good teacher was also a skill.
Xiao Mi's impression of Teacher Li improved immediately. "It seems my godfather was right to tell me to learn from him,"
Xiao Mi thought.
After school, the students went home for dinner. Xiao Mi was about to go home to eat, but Teacher Li persuaded him to stay and
cook with him at school. Xiao Mi, wanting to understand Teacher Li's life, agreed.
Usually after school, Teacher Li was the only one in the ancestral hall, making it seem eerie,
especially at night. Xiao Mi found it hard to imagine how Teacher Li had lived in this environment
for over twenty years. He asked Teacher Li, "Aren't you afraid, guarding such a large ancestral hall all by yourself?" Teacher Li
countered, "Would you be afraid if you were in my shoes?"
"Of course I'm scared, everyone's scared."
Teacher Li laughed: "I'm human too, how could I not be scared? Look, the whole ancestral hall is surrounded by graves,
I'm practically living in a graveyard, how could I not be scared? Especially in winter, the north wind howls, making the door creak
, like someone is knocking on your door, that's truly terrifying."
Xiao Mi's mouth dropped open: "My God, for over twenty years, how did you manage to stay like this?"
Teacher Li smiled calmly: "What can you do? To survive, you have to learn to endure, learn to persevere, and most importantly
," he glanced at Xiao Mi, an unfathomable light flashing in his narrow eyes, "you have to learn to find
happiness. Although it's tough and lonely here, as long as you're good at finding ways, you can find ways to relieve loneliness."
Xiao Mi asked curiously: "How do you relieve loneliness?" "What is the law?"
Teacher Li stared at Xiao Mi for a long time, then smiled mysteriously and said meaningfully, "You'll know later.
Maybe I can even teach you."
Xiao Mi found Teacher Li very mysterious and unpredictable. That night, he
told the uncle about his first impression of Teacher Li. The uncle pondered for a moment and said dismissively, "Nothing much. Those old intellectuals just
love to be mysterious. Otherwise, why would they be called 'stinking intellectuals'? Don't pay attention to him. If his class background is bad,
who else would stay in this remote mountain area? If he's so capable, why doesn't he teach? What else can a weak old man like him do?" He
patted Xiao Mi's face: "Go to sleep. You've had a long day. Being a leader of children isn't easy, is it?"
Xiao Mi hugged the team leader tightly, smelling his unique scent, and fell asleep sweetly.
11.
Human curiosity is never satisfied. Mi Le was the same. The more mysterious something seemed, the more he wanted to
understand it. Xiao Mi was no exception. The more mysterious Teacher Li acted in front of him, the more he wanted to get close to him and understand him.
After class, with nothing to do, the old man and the young man sat facing each other, gazing at each other in silence. Xiao Mi liked to stare blankly
at Teacher Li's face, and Teacher Li let him look, while giving him a warm, ambiguous look. Xiao Mi discovered that
Teacher Li had a certain charm, much like one of his high school teachers. His face always seemed to be filled with unreadable, profound
classical Chinese texts, captivating him, making him want to get close, yet also filled with fear, afraid to get close to him.
Teacher Li was a very masculine man, but completely different from the team leader. Although he lacked
the team leader's ruggedness and forthrightness, seemingly frail, he possessed a strong inner strength—
a conclusion Xiao Mi drew from his more than twenty years of living alone in a remote ancestral hall nestled among graves. Xiao Mi felt he was very profound, like a very
deep pool of water, seemingly calm on the surface, because he didn't want anyone to see through his heart.
Xiao Mi's curiosity about Teacher Li gradually evolved into liking, and he felt an urge to get closer to him. Perhaps, Xiao Mi
's attraction to older men began from that moment.
Xiao Mi thought that he and the uncle were two completely different kinds of people. If only he could have
family like the uncle and Teacher Li.
Xiao Mi was unaware that he had a strong father complex; sometimes he was confused about why he
felt such attachment to older men.
Xiao Mi also noticed that Teacher Li's aura was completely different from the uncle's. The uncle was like a bottle of strong liquor,
intoxicating and making you feel bold, energetic, and passionate
; while Teacher Li was like a cup of strong tea, with a subtle fragrance that permeated your heart and soul, making you irresistibly drawn to
him. As they spent more time together, Teacher Li and Xiao Mi became much more relaxed.
Sometimes at noon, Xiao Mi wouldn't go home and would
cook at Teacher Li's place. Teacher Li also noticed Xiao Mi's infatuation with him, and he liked Xiao Mi very much too, but he was, after all,
much more shrewd and calculating. Like a seasoned angler, he wanted to play the long game.
Xiao Mi was like a child who never grew up, both with the team leader and with Teacher Li. After they became completely
familiar, he liked to lean against Teacher Li's chest, to hold Teacher Li's hand, and to feel the sense of vicissitude.
When Teacher Li's hand caressed his face and body, he felt extremely comfortable, as if he had returned to his childhood, lying
in his grandfather's arms, listening to his grandfather tell those ancient stories.
Xiao Mi first saw Teacher Li one afternoon after school. The students had all gone home, but Xiao Mi stayed
behind to correct homework. Teacher Li stayed with him. Later, when Teacher Li went to the restroom, for some unknown reason,
he followed him.
The toilet was very basic; the men's section consisted of just a few stone slabs with small holes. Xiao Mi and Teacher Li stood side-by-side
. The lighting inside was poor, but Xiao Mi's eyesight was excellent. He peeked out and saw Teacher Li take out
his penis. Xiao Mi's heart nearly stopped. It was something completely different from the older man's. The older man's
penis was thick, long, and particularly large, while Teacher Li's was indeed long, even longer than the team leader's when flaccid.
It wasn't large, and it was tightly covered by the foreskin, like a cone, thickening towards the bottom, somewhat similar to his own
, only much longer and thicker.
Xiao Mi's genitals unconsciously hardened, but he couldn't urinate a single drop, making him extremely embarrassed.
Teacher Li, however, didn't seem to notice. He intentionally or unintentionally turned to the side, as if deliberately wanting Xiao Mi to see clearly.
After urinating, Teacher Li pointed to Xiaomi's erect penis and laughed, "Teacher Mi, what's wrong? Missing your girlfriend
?"
Xiaomi, embarrassed, quickly stuffed it back into his pants. Teacher Li patted Xiaomi's head and sincerely said,
"Young people are so wonderful, always so full of energy."
Back in the office, Teacher Li asked with a smile, "Xiaomi, have you ever had sex?"
Xiaomi looked at Teacher Li, puzzled and blank.
Teacher Li asked again, "I mean, have you ever had a girlfriend?"
Xiao Mi blushed and shook his head.
Teacher Li said, "I don't believe it. A handsome young man like you, no girl likes you?"
Xiao Mi wondered, had any girl ever liked him? In his memory, some female classmates had written him notes
, but he was too young then and never had any feelings for girls.
Xiao Mi honestly replied, "In high school, I think some girls wrote me notes, but I didn't
date them."
"Why didn't you date them?" Teacher Li's eyes flashed with that enigmatic light again.
Xiao Mi was bewildered. "Why didn't I date them? Didn't many classmates date in high school?"
During the year he was unemployed at home, a female classmate often came to his house. His older sisters noticed, and
the girl's family was well-off; her parents liked Xiao Mi a lot, but Xiao Mi just didn't feel anything. He remembered one
of his older sisters even advising him to date her, but Xiao Mi always used his young age as an excuse.
It was then that Xiao Mi realized he simply didn't like girls.
Under Teacher Li's repeated questioning, Xiao Mi said, "I'm not interested in them."
"Not interested? You're a boy, and you're not interested in girls? What are you interested in?"
Xiao Mi thought: Yes? What am I interested in? Teacher
Li
's question truly perplexed Xiao Mi for a long time. What did he like? He had never thought about it before, always
thinking he was still young. Now he was eighteen, and it seemed like most men his age were already married. In high school, some
classmates said they dreamed about so-and-so (the most popular actress at the time, who starred in movies like "Spring Seedling"),
causing them to have wet dreams, etc., but no actress ever appeared in his dreams. He remembered that the first time
he had a wet dream, what aroused his sexual glands was their Chinese teacher, a kind-faced, chubby old man in his fifties
.
Why am I not interested in women? Xiao Mi was completely baffled. One evening, nestled in the older man's arms
, he asked, "Does a man have to like women?"
The captain gave him a strange look: "Of course not. Otherwise,
what's the point of living with a woman you don't like?"
The older man sighed: "Like me, I've lived my whole life in vain."
Suddenly realizing something, the older man asked, "Could it be that you, kid, have fallen for that girl?" Xiao Mi quickly denied it. The older man thought for a moment and said, "Actually, it's normal for you to like a girl. 　　Young people are at the prime of their lives, but kid, I don't want you to be like this. After all, you're not...
" "You don't belong
here
. If you find a wife here, you might be stuck here for life."
Xiao Mi said, "Then wouldn't it be perfect for me to spend my whole life with you?"
The uncle's brow twitched: "You really want to spend your whole life with me?"
Seeing Xiao Mi nod, the uncle immediately became serious: "I don't want to. Wouldn't that be a sin? It would shorten my
lifespan. I would never want you to be like Teacher Li, a temple old man for life."
Xiao Mi muttered, "What's wrong with Teacher Li? I think he's quite happy."
Whether Teacher Li was happy or not, only he himself knew, but Xiao Mi discovered that Teacher Li was always hiding some secret
from him.
Xiao Mi discovered Teacher Li's privacy at noon. He had just finished lunch when he suddenly remembered something at school.
He told his uncle and rushed to the school. He found Teacher Li's dormitory door tightly closed. He assumed Teacher Li
was taking a nap, so he pushed it, but it wouldn't open. He then knocked harder and heard Teacher Li's flustered voice from inside
: "Who is it? I'm taking a nap, I'll come back later."
Xiao Mi said, "It's me, Teacher Li. You're so old, why are you so sleepy?"
Teacher Li seemed relieved to see it was Xiao Mi: "Teacher Xiao Mi, okay, wait a moment."
Xiao Mi heard a rustling sound from inside, as if there was another person. Just as Xiao Mi was wondering
, the door opened, and a young man with his head down hurried out. Before Xiao Mi could see who he was, he was already
far away.
Xiao Mi turned around and saw Teacher Li tidying his clothes. Xiao Mi noticed that Teacher Li's face was flushed and his breathing was not
smooth, as if he had just walked a long way and his panting hadn't calmed down yet.
"Who is he?" Xiaomi asked.
"Which 'him'?" Teacher Li asked knowingly.
Xiaomi pointed to the departing figure: "Who else?"
Teacher Li forced a smile: "Oh, a distant relative of mine, he came to ask me for some favors."
Xiaomi squeezed into the room and saw the bed in a mess, with what seemed like a smell of semen. "What were you
doing just now?" Xiaomi asked curiously.
"Nothing, we took a nap."
Xiaomi felt something was off, but couldn't quite put her finger on it. She just looked at Teacher Li suspiciously. Teacher Li's
evasive gaze made her suspicious. Xiaomi wanted to say something, but ultimately didn't.
That evening, Xiaomi told the uncle what she had seen during the day. The uncle scolded Xiaomi for making a fuss. He pointed at Xiaomi
's forehead: "What's wrong with your little head?"
Xiaomi thought, oh right, it's normal for two men to take a nap together. Haven't I been sleeping with the uncle
for over a year? I even sleep naked.
But what about the smell of semen? It's impossible for two people to have sex during a nap, right?
He was too embarrassed to tell the older man about the smell of semen.
Judging from the panicked look in Teacher Li's eyes, Xiao Mi was certain that Teacher Li was hiding something from him.
Thinking about the smell of semen, Xiao Mi couldn't help but glance at the team leader. He didn't know whose
semen was on Teacher Li's bed, but if it was the older man's, he would definitely be able to smell it.
Xiao Mi wasn't like boys these days, maturing early and understanding everything at such a young age. Xiao Mi remembered his
first time participating in voluntary labor in high school. Exhausted, he had a strange dream that night. He felt excited at the time
, but afterwards, a wave of fear washed over him. After a while, he forgot about it completely and never had it again. His second
nocturnal emission occurred after he went to the countryside. This time, what aroused his sexual glands in the dream wasn't the chubby Chinese teacher,
but a middle-aged man who looked exactly like the team leader. When he woke up, he thought he had wet the bed, but when he touched it, it was sticky
and gooey; when he put it to his nose, it had a fishy smell. Xiao Mi was terrified and didn't know what to do. The team leader woke up.
When asked what had happened, the captain burst into laughter after hearing Xiaomi's explanation.
Xiaomi said, "What's so funny about someone getting sick?"
The captain patted Xiaomi's head and chuckled, "Silly child, you're not sick. Who said you were? Now
you're a grown-up, a real man."
Xiaomi was confused, and the captain, not very educated, couldn't explain it clearly. After a long explanation, Xiaomi became
even more confused. The captain, impatient, bluntly said, "It means you can have sex with women, and women can
have babies for you, you know?"
Xiaomi's face flushed red.
Xiaomi asked the captain, "Will you be able to do that?"
The captain patted Xiaomi's head, "I'm old, I can't."
Xiaomi: "Then, then you can't have babies anymore."
The captain laughed.
13
Xiaomi was no longer curious about his own semen and was familiar with its smell. He suddenly had a strange thought: the uncle's
was different from his own, the body odor was different, so the smell of that stuff must be different too, right?
He didn't know how difficult it was to catch the old man having a nocturnal emission. The old man was getting on in years, and his sex drive wasn't as
strong as a young man's. Besides, he wasn't short of targets; there were plenty of women who wanted his semen, so how could it possibly
overflow?
Even though they slept together, he could pretend to be oblivious and casually touch the team leader's large penis, but he only dared to lightly
hold it and didn't dare to do anything else.
But heaven rewards the persistent, and Xiao Mi finally got his chance. One night, leaders from the commune came, and
the team leader drank with them, getting quite drunk. When others helped him back, he was already delirious
and had vomited all over himself. His youngest daughter frowned in disgust at her father's condition and kept complaining
. Xiao Mi couldn't bear to see this and said, "You go and rest, I'll take care of him."
The team leader's youngest daughter was eager for someone to take her place, so she said, "Thank you for your trouble," and handed her father over to
Xiao Mi. Xiao Mi struggled mightily to get the captain onto the bed. He fetched a basin of water to
wash the captain, who was unconscious. Xiao Mi had a hard time removing the captain's clothes. As he
washed the captain, he saw what he had been longing for. Although it was lifeless
, shriveled in a clump of weeds, devoid of any beauty, it was still alluring to Xiao Mi. When
he touched it, he realized how difficult it was to remove his hand.
Xiao Mi mustered his courage and stroked it a few times, but there was no response. He suddenly realized that this
was a desecration of the captain. Xiao Mi lightly slapped himself to calm down. He straightened up,
took a deep breath, and while he was still conscious, quickly finished washing the captain, put his
underwear back on, and lay down at his feet. In the middle of the night, Xiao Mi heard the captain calling a woman's name. Startled
, he sat up and, by the moonlight, realized there was no one else in the room; the captain was
just talking in his sleep. Just as he was about to lie back down, he suddenly noticed the captain's erection, his underwear pulled down to his crotch. Xiao Mi was utterly astonished; it
was the first time he had ever seen the man's erect penis, its impressive size captivating him. Xiaomi turned on
the flashlight to see better. Suddenly, the captain twisted his body, grabbing his penis and
vigorously stroking it, muttering incessantly. Xiaomi was stunned, watching the captain
masturbate in his sleep with dread, feeling a surge of heat within himself. He noticed the captain's penis was growing larger and harder, throbbing incessantly,
and its usually rosy color had turned dark. Xiaomi was astonished by this change. Just then, the captain
let out a deep roar, his movements becoming even more violent. As Xiaomi stared in disbelief, a stream of milky white
semen gushed from his penis—one spurt, two spurts, three spurts. Xiaomi had never seen a man ejaculate before;
the captain's powerful ejaculation almost made him cry out.
The captain finally quieted down, but his semen had made a mess of the bed and himself, leaving Xiaomi
to clean up after him.
The captain started snoring again, but much more evenly. Xiao Mi stared blankly at the semen on the captain's stomach, nestled in his pubic hair
. It was semi-gelatinized. Curious, Xiao Mi touched some; it was sticky. He bent down to
smell it. He found the captain's semen had a pungent smell, unlike his own. Although it had
a fishy smell, it also had a unique youthful fragrance.
Xiao Mi carefully wiped the semen off the captain's body and the mat. Then, he hugged the older man and
fell asleep sweetly in his arms.
14
Ever since Xiao Mi accidentally saw Teacher Li with a young man, Teacher Li had clearly noticed that Xiao Mi had become suspicious of him
. Several times, he wanted to explain to Xiao Mi, but couldn't find a suitable opportunity.
Teacher Li really liked Teacher Xiaomi. He liked this fair-skinned, delicate boy, brimming with youthful energy
. From the way Xiaomi looked at him, Teacher Li knew that Xiaomi liked him, especially from the times they
urinated together and Xiaomi's furtive glances at his genitals. He knew that if he dared to make a move, Xiaomi would gladly
throw herself into his arms.
The reason he hesitated to act was that he didn't know the true nature of Xiaomi's relationship with the team leader. He knew the
team leader was a strong-willed and bad-tempered man, and if Xiaomi was the team leader's possession, he would never dare to touch him.
It's unclear whether Teacher Li was gay; in today's terms, he was definitely bisexual.
He liked women, and he was very comfortable with sexual intercourse with them. Spending nights with the boy he liked was also
something he longed for.
Because he spent most of his time in this remote mountain village primary school, his life was extremely lonely and boring. He lived far from home,
only able to return once a week, and if there were school meetings or political study sessions, he couldn't go home to be with his wife. He was
a healthy, physiologically normal man, and asking him to live a life of asceticism like a hermit was really asking too much of
him.
Although some of the women here were quite nice, and if he were to extend an olive branch to them, he was sure there would be no
shortage of suitors, he dared not do so. Firstly, at that time, relationships between men and women were a big deal, and mountain men were known for their bad tempers.
You've cuckolded him; he certainly won't let it go easily. More importantly, his family background is
problematic. Losing his job, even facing "dictatorship," for a moment's pleasure is simply not worth it. Therefore, despite
his handsome appearance and refined manners, and the fact that some women liked to chat with him at school, his
serious and unsmiling demeanor kept them at a distance. This made people think he was aloof and otherworldly
, and they generally held him in high regard.
To combat loneliness and alleviate sexual desire, besides working hard, Mr. Li set his sights on young and
handsome boys. He believed that games between men weren't illegal and wouldn't arouse suspicion.
But little did he know that in that particular era, prostitution was a more serious crime than sexual relations.
Mr. Li discovered that many boys still enjoyed this kind of game.
He believed that Xiao Mi would be no exception.
It was another noon. Mr. Li, who hadn't been home for two weeks, was overcome with lust. After school, he kept
one of the boys from Xiao Mi's class behind, asking him not to go home for lunch and to help him correct his homework. Of course, the boy knew exactly what he was doing and happily agreed
. Little did they know, Xiao Mi had witnessed everything.
Xiao Mi didn't know exactly what they were going to do, but intuitively, he knew they were going to do something shameful
. In his city, there had been a case of a teacher and student having an affair; the teacher was sentenced to several years in prison, and the
boy was expelled and sent to the countryside before graduating high school. Xiao Mi didn't even know what a prostitute was,
but he knew it couldn't be anything good.
Adolescent Xiao Mi was easily excited and extremely curious.
After school, Xiao Mi said goodbye to Mr. Li and went straight home. Seeing that Xiao Mi and the student were gone
, Mr. Li eagerly pulled the boy into the dormitory. Since the school was in a remote ancestral hall,
no one usually went there at noon. After bringing the boy into the room, Teacher Li closed the door, picked him up, and showered him with
kisses, exclaiming how much she had missed him. The little boy, an experienced performer, responded with equal passion. Teacher
Li lifted the boy and placed him on the desk, kissing him as she pulled down his pants. Then, she lowered
her head and took his already erect penis into her mouth. The boy danced with excitement, making joyful
"woo-woo" sounds, and soon ejaculated.
Teacher Li looked up and asked, "Satisfied?"
The boy nodded. Teacher Li then said, "Let me satisfy too."
The boy slid off the desk, squatted in front of Teacher Li, unbuttoned his pants, took out his already erect penis, and took it into
his mouth, sucking and swallowing. Teacher Li watched the boy's actions with an expression of boundless love, her face
radiating happiness. After about ten minutes, Teacher Li pulled the boy up, had him lie face down on the desk,
and then stood behind him, kissing his back.
The boy lay quietly. After kissing him enough, Teacher Li straightened up, stroking her own genitals with one hand and
touching the boy's anus with the other. The boy, stimulated, let out a low moan. Teacher Li spat into her hand
, smearing half on her genitals and half on the boy's anus, and slowly
inserted her large penis into the boy's body.
The boy let out an "Ah!" Teacher Li pressed her body tightly against the boy's back, and after several seconds, began to
move.
Teacher Li moved slowly, then her movements became faster and more intense, emitting
sounds that were hard to decipher as to whether it was pleasure or pain. The boy cried out loudly, and Teacher Li's movements became even more violent.
The sounds of bellies and buttocks hitting each other, along with the suppressed moans of the old man and the boy, filled the small room of about ten square meters
with passion. Then, it seemed as if time suddenly stopped, and everything in the room froze...
While they were still immersed in their bliss, the door opened, and Teacher Mi was
looking at them with a gaze that was hard to decipher as either anger or surprise...
15
"Was it fun?" After the boy fled in panic, Xiao Mi approached Teacher Li, who was now completely bewildered
, and asked.
Teacher Li came to his senses and prepared to put on his pants, but Xiao Mi stopped him.
"Isn't this better?" Xiaomi teased, nudging Teacher Li's now limp member.
Teacher Li blushed, covering it with his hands. Xiaomi closed the door and sat down in a chair. "Teacher Li, Teacher Li,
do you know you've committed a heinous crime?"
Teacher Li's face turned pale, then green, before he stammered, "Can you let me put my pants back on?"
Xiaomi looked at Teacher Li's shrunken member and remained noncommittal. Teacher Li, as if granted a pardon,
quickly put on his pants, as if afraid Xiaomi would change his mind.
"Teacher Mi, please, you mustn't tell anyone about this, or I'll be so ashamed!"
"You're wrong," Xiaomi said seriously. "It's not about where you put your face, it's about where you put yourself
. You're a 'chicken child,' which is punishable by law. Do you understand?" Xiaomi suddenly felt clever
. Before, he had never understood what a "chicken" was, but now it suddenly dawned on him.
"No way? This...this can't be that serious, can it? I didn't sleep with any female students." Xiao Mi noticed that
Teacher Li's face had turned pale, and his tone of voice was completely different from usual.
"Why would I lie to you?" Xiao Mi said seriously, "There's a middle school teacher in my area who
was sentenced to ten years in prison for having a relationship with a male student. That guy was just a high school student, almost an adult.
You've got some nerve, daring to mess around with little boys." Xiao Mi suddenly remembered the young man he had seen last time and
thought, "That old bastard, I'll scare him and make him listen to me from now on."
By this point, it wasn't hard for everyone to see that Xiao Mi, seemingly honest and a naive teenager,
was actually quite cunning in order to satisfy his desires.
Teacher Li, an old scholar who came from the old society, had read several
ancient books such as "The Unofficial History of Longyang" and the complete "Jin Ping Mei." He thought he could enjoy the pleasures of having affairs with women and men, and although his life was lonely and austere, he found it quite enjoyable
. Little did he know that he had unknowingly committed a heinous crime.
His legs went weak, and he knelt before Xiao Mi, grabbing her hand. "Teacher Mi, you won't report me, will you?"
Teacher Li's actions shocked Xiao Mi. A tall, white-haired old man, over 1.7 meters tall, was kneeling before
him… Xiao Mi was terrified, but he still maintained his composure: "Don't do this, get up and talk."
Teacher Li didn't get up. He said in a tearful voice, "Teacher Mi, I know you're a kind person.
I'm almost sixty years old, and I'll be retiring in a few years. My youngest son is counting on me to take over my job. If you tell
anyone, I don't care if I go to jail, but how will my family face me? My sons will hate me to death! Please , have mercy
on me, let me go, okay?"
Xiao Mi was indeed a kind child. He felt he had scared Teacher Li enough. He had no
intention of reporting him at all. He pulled Teacher Li up, "Alright, alright, why would I report you? I won't
get anything out of it. But, don't do it again!"
"I won't, I won't, even if you gave me a million lives, I wouldn't dare."
“Okay,” Xiao Mi looked at Teacher Li’s relieved face (he genuinely liked that face), reached out and
gently stroked it, saying with a half-smile, “Remember, you owe me a huge favor. How are you going to repay it?”
Teacher Li quickly said, “Thank you, Teacher Mi. You are my second parents. From today onwards,
I will do whatever you ask without hesitation.”
Looking at Teacher Li’s fawning smile, Xiao Mi suddenly felt bored.
But, the act had to continue. “You said it yourself, I didn’t force you. Don’t go back on your word.”
“No, no,” Teacher Li hurriedly said, “You haven’t had lunch yet, have you? I’ll make you something right away.”
Only then did Xiao Mi realize he was very hungry.
Watching Teacher Li’s busy figure, Xiao Mi recalled the passionate scene in the room earlier. His face flushed,
and he couldn’t help but feel excited. Recalling the scene of Teacher Li freely entering and exiting the boy’s mouth and anus,
Xiao Mi’s little brother unconsciously stood up.
He walked up to Teacher Li and whispered, "Was it really comfortable?"
"What?" Teacher Li was caught off guard and didn't immediately understand. But he was a clever
man; when he saw Xiaomi's flushed face and lustful eyes, he understood.
Teacher Li remembered the ambiguous looks Xiaomi gave him, how she liked to stay by his side
, and the way she stole glances at him when they urinated together. Teacher Li knew Xiaomi's sexual orientation; he
had even considered her as a potential partner, but hadn't yet made a move.
He put down his work, took Xiao Mi's hand, and asked tenderly, "Haven't you tried?"
Xiao Mi blushed even more, glaring at Teacher Li, "Where would I try?"
Teacher Li's tone became even more seductive, "Why don't you give it a try?"
Xiao Mi said shyly, "Wouldn't that be inappropriate?"
"What's inappropriate about it? We're both adults. Besides, it's consensual, it's not illegal, is it?"
Xiao Mi hesitated for a moment, "It shouldn't be, I'm not a student... but, will there be any problems?"
Teacher Li touched Xiao Mi's face, saying affectionately, "Silly child, we're both men, we can't have children,
what problems could there be?"
Xiao Mi fell silent. He looked into Teacher Li's long, deep eyes, which were now gleaming with an alluring
light. He gave in and lowered his head...
16.
Teacher Li gently cupped Xiaomi's face. What a youthful, radiant face it was! It surpassed his previous
lovers by a thousandfold. Teacher Li was truly moved, having overcome his earlier fear, and
wholeheartedly kissed Xiaomi's face. When his lips touched Xiaomi's,
Xiaomi, who had never kissed before, instinctively responded with a passionate kiss.
As Teacher Li kissed Xiaomi passionately, he touched his body. When his hand touched Xiaomi's penis
, Xiaomi's hand simultaneously grasped what he had longed for.
Teacher Li knelt down, unbuckled Xiaomi's belt, and pulled down his pants with practiced ease, showing
how many times he had helped others undress. As he removed Xiaomi's pants, Xiaomi's cooperation was flawless.
Teacher Li carefully examined Xiao Mi's genitals, tightly covered by the foreskin, inhaling the sweet fragrance emanating from a virgin.
Then, he opened his mouth…
Xiao Mi immediately entered a wondrous world, a world from his dreams—no, more real than a dream,
more irresistible than a dream…
Xiao Mi felt his whole body burning, as if he were flying, his heart soaring with it…
His heart flew, his soul left his body, his mind went blank, and his body was merely an empty shell. This
ejaculation filled the void of Xiao Mi's eighteen years of virginity.
Teacher Li seemed unsatisfied. He stood up, touched Xiao Mi's face, and whispered, "Teacher Mi, you
're such a silly boy."
Xiao Mi then came to his senses, smiled shyly, and then hugged Teacher Li again, kissing him, only
much more gently than before.
Xiao Mi squatted down, unbuttoned Teacher Li's trousers, and pulled out his old penis. It was no longer
as imposing as before; it had shrunk somewhat, yet looked rather cute. Xiao Mi held it in his hand, examining it closely. It was the first time
he had seen the genitals of an adult man other than Uncle Li so closely, and Xiao Mi was incredibly excited. His rapid
breaths landed on Teacher Li's old penis, which, stimulated, slowly stretched in Xiao Mi's hand. Watching it
grow, Xiao Mi's heart raced. He wanted to do what Teacher Li did and put it in his mouth, but remembering
where it had just entered and exited, he gave up.
"How is it?" Teacher Li asked with a smile.
Xiao Mi hesitated for a moment before replying, "I didn't expect it."
Teacher Li patted Xiao Mi's head: "There are many wonderful things you haven't thought of yet. You'll understand in a few days
."
As Teacher Li went to get rice, Xiao Mi suddenly wondered, what would it be like if he could do that with Uncle Li?
That night, when Xiaomi slept with the captain, she couldn't help but overthink again, tossing and turning in bed
, unable to fall asleep. The uncle was a little puzzled; Xiaomi used to fall asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow, so why was she like this today?
"Are you feeling unwell?" the uncle asked.
"No."
"Why aren't you sleeping?"
"I can't sleep."
The uncle ignored him, turning his back to him. Xiao Mi gently stroked the uncle's strong back, her mind filled with
daydreams. The captain, puzzled, turned over again: "What's wrong, kid?"
Xiao Mi smiled without answering. After a while, Xiao Mi suddenly asked: "Dad, how old were you when you had your
first time with a woman?"
The captain stared at Xiao Mi and laughed: "Haha, my son has finally figured it out, thinking about girls?"
Xiao Mi pushed the uncle: "Who said I'm thinking about women?"
"If you're not thinking about women, why are you asking?"
Xiao Mi thought for a moment and replied: "I'm not sleepy today, I just wanted to ask."
The captain seemed wide awake too. He turned over and lay on his back, thinking for a moment: "About your age, I guess."
The captain stared at the roof, lost in memories of the past, muttering to himself: "She was
the woman I loved most, but we were destined to be apart."
Xiao Mi knew the uncle was thinking about his first love, and fearing it would stir up his sadness, he changed the subject:
"Dad, besides women, have you ever been with men?"
"With men?" the uncle asked, surprised. "What for?"
The uncle seemed to understand something, grabbed Xiao Mi, and pressed, "How did you come up with this question?
Tell me."
The captain's tone was very stern, and Xiao Mi was startled. He tried to change the subject: "Nothing, I was just
asking casually."
The captain's grip tightened. Xiao Mi tried to break free, but failed. "Godfather, you're hurting me."
The captain probably realized he had lost his temper and quickly released his grip, his tone softening considerably: "Xiao Mi, you
're an honest child. Tell me honestly, where did your strange idea come from?"
Xiao Mi didn't know why his godfather was so angry. He wanted to say he heard it from someone else, but the uncle insisted on knowing
who it was. What should he do? Xiao Mi was in a dilemma; he absolutely dared not reveal his affair with Teacher Li.
“I read it in an old book. It said that men can… and it
’s the same as women,” Xiaomi stammered. “Godfather, don’t be angry. I was just asking casually.” The captain breathed a sigh of relief
. He touched Xiaomi’s face and said softly, “Son, don’t read those rubbish
books anymore. They’re all written by scoundrels and bastards to harm people, you know? As the saying goes, ‘Man has his path, snake has its
way.’ A man’s thing is for a woman. If men and men… wouldn’t the world be in chaos? If men
don’t have sex with women, where will the offspring come from? Wouldn’t the world be destroyed? You’re still young, you don’t understand the relationship between yin and yang yet
. When you grow up, you will naturally understand.” "You'll understand."
Xiaomi complained somewhat unhappily, "Why do you always say I'm too young? Didn't you say you
knew how to do 'that kind of thing' when you were my age? How come you think I'm too young even when I want to understand a little bit?"
The team leader laughed, "Right, right, Dad was wrong. My son has grown up, he's not young anymore.
How about I ask someone to find you a wife?"
Xiaomi buried his head in the uncle's arms and said angrily, "Who said I'm not young anymore and that means I want a wife? Didn't you tell
me not to find a wife in the countryside? You said if that happened, I'd never be able to go back to the city."
Hearing Xiaomi mention going back to the city, the team leader couldn't help but feel a little disappointed, so he teased him, "Didn't you say you wanted to stay with me for life
? Why do you want to go back now?"
“I’m going back. When you get old, I’ll bring you to the city to live with me, isn’t that the same?”
“The same, the same,” the captain said with a wry smile. “Yes, when my son comes back to the city, I’ll go with you to the city
to enjoy life.” He tapped Xiaomi’s forehead. “Kid, by then, I’m afraid you’ll forget your father after you get married.”
“That’s impossible,” Xiaomi said anxiously. “Hey, Dad, in your eyes, am I that kind of person?”
The captain held Xiaomi tightly in his arms and said softly, “Of course not. My Xiaomi is a
good child who values relationships and knows how to be filial.”
Xiaomi felt a little breathless from the captain’s embrace, but he felt very happy. He wished he could stay
in the uncle’s arms like this forever.
After a while, the captain released Xiaomi and said seriously, "Did you really get that strange question from a book
?"
Xiaomi didn't know why the uncle brought it up again, so he asked back, "Why bring it up again?
Didn't I say I read it in a book and was just curious?"
The captain patiently explained, "I suddenly remembered something. There used to be a rich family
's son here who went to study in the provincial capital. He read a lot of books, but he went astray. He got involved with a male actor in the provincial capital.
Before he went to study there, his family had arranged a marriage for him. Because the woman was quite young, although they consummated their marriage,
they didn't have any children. After he got involved with the actor, he no longer loved women and wouldn't even talk to them when he got home." His wife went to sleep, saying
he wasn't interested in women. He was the only son in his family, responsible for carrying on the family line
. His parents forced him to sleep with his wife, but he wouldn't even take off his clothes. After a few days, he secretly
ran off to the provincial capital to meet his male actor. His father was so angry he fell ill. Later, his family wanted to sever
ties with him, but he couldn't bear to part with the actor, preferring to give up his vast fortune rather than abandon him. In the end,
his father died of anger, and a perfectly good family was destroyed. Isn't that infuriating?
Xiao Mi suddenly felt a surge of admiration for that rich young man. To be able to give up everything for love—that
's true manhood. Of course, he didn't dare say that. He just whispered, "Feelings are hard to explain, but
his family is too heartless."
The captain was quite dissatisfied with Xiaomi's attitude. "What do you know, you're just a kid. What are feelings?
Feelings only exist between men and women. Between men, it's called friendship, it's called camaraderie. Do you know, 'Of the three unfilial acts,
the greatest is to have no descendants'? As a son, you should be filial to your parents. As a man, carrying on the family line is instinct. If
you can't even do these two basic things, are you even a man?"
Xiaomi asked warily, "Godfather, why are you telling me all this?"
The captain suddenly seemed to remember something and sighed, "Child, don't think I'm being too talkative. You're still young."
" If you're not careful, you'll go astray. Whether I'm your biological father or not, I'm still your elder, and I have a duty
to warn you. Besides, I'm waiting to hold my grandson!"
Xiao Mi laughed, "Godfather, don't worry a thing. I won't become the kind of person you're talking about. When I get married
, I'll have a ton of sons, you won't be able to hold them all!"
The captain laughed, "You son of a bitch, you're dreaming! With the one-child policy, how can you possibly have a ton?"
Xiao Mi laughed too, "I'll have my wife give birth to quintuplets, isn't that a ton?"
The captain punched Xiao Mi and laughed loudly, "Vintuplets? Do you think your wife is a sow?!"
Xiao Mi laughed too…
17
Now, recalling this past event, Miler couldn't help but smile bitterly. He had completely let his godfather down
, failing to fulfill his promise to give him a bunch of grandchildren. When he first started dating Teacher Li, he thought it was
mostly for fun, simply a way to release excess energy and kill time. He planned to return to the city, get a proper
job, and settle down with a wife. But things didn't go as planned. He
slid further and further down this path, and a longing for older men took root in his heart, turning him into a second wealthy man. Sometimes
, Miler asked himself, what would his life be like without Teacher Li? He
didn't know. Because of his unconventional lifestyle, he had almost no contact with his older sisters. Among relatives and friends
, he became an oddball; no one could understand him. Those who were once close to him couldn't bear the world's judgment
or ridicule and left him. He was so desperate that he considered suicide. If it weren't for his godfather, Miler didn't know
if he would still be alive today.
If the captain's earnest words that night had moved Miler, he might have... If I had pulled back from the brink, perhaps I wouldn't be
in this situation today. If I hadn't become roommates with Zhang Jing in college, perhaps this story wouldn't exist. If
I hadn't been so infatuated with my godfather, if my older sister hadn't divorced her husband, and if my brother-in-law's mannerisms hadn't been so
similar to my godfather's, and if I hadn't unconsciously treated him as a substitute for him, perhaps this story wouldn't exist either. But
, there aren't so many "what ifs" in the world. Miler truly doesn't want things to be this way. His ideal life is:
a virtuous and gentle wife, and a lively and lovely... A bright and clever son, living with his godfather,
the four of them a happy family, free from want—that was the life of his dreams.
Miler had always been confused, and still is now. But confusion remained. Although he had resolved countless times
to change himself and become a "normal person," reason hadn't been able to overcome emotion. His godfather
tried hard to change him, to bring him back to a "normal" life. However, what confused him even more was that
he hadn't changed Miler; Miler had changed him instead.
As an observer… I can't blame Xiaomi. Think about it, a passionate eighteen or nineteen-year-old youth, his desires are
like spring grass, encountering sweet rain—who can stop them from growing?
He longed for his godfather but couldn't have him, then met another elder he admired, and he experienced
the greatest pleasure in life, a pleasure that nothing else could replace. He's not a saint; can he
control himself after such a spree? Just like a child who has tasted honey, can he resist its temptation
?
Teacher Li had so many tricks up his sleeve, and his technique was top-notch. He drove Xiaomi
completely insane, especially when he entered Teacher Li's alluring body. He
had completely forgotten his promise to his godfather.
Teacher Li also tried to enter Xiaomi's body. Xiaomi wanted to save his first time for the person he loved most,
but it seemed impossible. Unable to control his curiosity, after several internal struggles, he
gave his first time to Teacher Li.
Xiaomi lay on the bed, eyes tightly closed, enduring the pain, trying to imagine himself... The person on his back was his godfather, who
was intensely caressing him. At that moment, all the pain disappeared.
When he was sucking on Teacher Li's genitals, he told himself, "This is my godfather's thing, my favorite
thing. I'm making my godfather happy, I'm the happiest person in the world."
Thinking of this, Xiao Mi couldn't help himself...
Chapter 3, Miler's University
18
After returning to the city, Xiao Mi was forcibly kept at school by his sister and brother-in-law. He had no choice but to fight a desperate
battle; he had to get into university, it was his only way out. After
entering the school... After attending a college entrance exam review class, Xiao Mi discovered that there were many students older than him in the class, and his
anxiety gradually subsided.
Because Xiao Mi had a good foundation, and his godfather had forced him to study during his two years as a teacher, studying again
wasn't too difficult. In the college entrance exam the following July, Xiao Mi was admitted to the Department of Politics and History at a teachers' college.
Xiao Mi was very dissatisfied with this; he had applied for the Chinese Literature Department and scored relatively high, so why was he assigned to such
a poor major? Xiao Mi told his second brother-in-law, "I hate politics the most, I don't want to study it anymore."
His sisters asked him, "What will you do if you don't study? You don't want to be a worker, and besides, jobs are hard to find these days.
" "I'm tired of being a teacher, I don't want to deal with children anymore," Xiao Mi said.
"Then what are you going to do?"
"I don't know." Just as Xiao Mi
was hesitating, her uncle wrote. He told her he had two happy events: his
fiftieth birthday and his daughter's marriage to him, and urged Xiao Mi to come.
Xiao Mi then realized she had been back in the city for almost two years and hadn't returned even once, except for correspondence with her uncle.
Her uncle, however, had come to visit her twice when he missed her terribly. Xiao Mi felt she had let her uncle down
and decided to go to the countryside for a while.
Her older sisters didn't want Xiao Mi to have too close a relationship with the team leader; their time as a sent-down youth was history, and too much contact
might be a burden. Therefore, they all opposed Xiao Mi going to the countryside.
"Why are you all so materialistic?" Xiao Mi asked angrily.
"It's not about being materialistic. Think about it, why would he adopt you as his godson? Because he has no..."
" Son, you'll be old and have no one to rely on. If he had a son, would he acknowledge you? Don't think country folk are honest; they're
very cunning!" the older sister advised Miler.
"Don't think everyone is as mercenary and heartless as you," Miler coldly retorted. "You're just too naive," the older sister said angrily. "Let me tell you, we all oppose your 　　continued association
with your so-called godfather." 　　Miler sneered, "Who do you think you are? I'm not a child anymore; I 　　know how to handle my own affairs." 　　The older sister's husband, watching their argument, finally said, "I know that team leader. He shouldn't be like 　　what you say. No matter what, when my younger brother was in the countryside, he received a lot of care. We 　　suffered so much as educated youth, life was so difficult, but my younger brother was treated like he was at home. He had a good life, didn't have to do farm work, and even 　　got a monthly salary as a teacher. Wasn't all of this given to him by his godfather?" Even the ancients knew the saying, "A drop of water in need 　　is repaid with a spring of water," let alone us modern people . 　　Of the family, only the eldest brother-in-law spoke a few words sensibly. Xiao Mi glanced at him gratefully, realizing he wasn't 　　the money-grubbing, money-obsessed person her sister had described. The eldest 　　sister glared at her husband and scolded, "Get out of here! What business is it of yours? This is our family 　　matter, none of your concern." 　　The brother-in-law fell silent, secretly rolling his eyes at his sister and muttering, "Right, right, your 　　family matter, what does it have to do with me?" 　　Xiao Mi suddenly felt sorry for her brother-in-law. He stood up and coldly said to his sisters, "I 　　'm sorry, this isn't your family matter. Make it clear, this is my own business. Even if he gets old and no one 　　cares for him, and I have to take care of him, it has nothing to do with you." 　　Xiao Mi pulled her brother-in-law up. "Come on, let's go have a drink." " 　　The eldest sister roared angrily, "Milo, let me tell you, don't think you're all grown up and can't 　　be disciplined. If we don't take care of you, you'll be in big trouble." 　　Xiaomi didn't even turn her head: "Is that so? We'll see." 　　After leaving, Xiaomi said to her brother-in-law, "I really admire you. You have such good patience. If it were me, 　　I couldn't stand her for even a day." 　　Her brother-in-law smiled bitterly, and after a long while, said helplessly, "Actually, she... she has a sharp 　　tongue but a soft heart. If we don't argue with her, her tantrums are fine." " After receiving her university acceptance letter, 　　Xiao 　　Mi saw that there were still more than twenty days until registration, and the team leader's fiftieth birthday was also 　　about ten days away. Having argued with her sisters, she was in a bad mood. For the first few days, Xiao Mi and her eldest sister's husband did 　　business together, but it was quite boring. Life was dull and tedious. Without telling anyone, Xiao Mi 　　went to her uncle's house in the countryside. 　　Seeing her uncle, Xiao Mi was naturally very excited; the feeling was like a child who had lost a loved one seeing a long-lost 　　relative. Xiao Mi's visit naturally added to the old team leader's prestige. The warmth between the father and son upon their first meeting was 　　both enviable and touching. 　　The team leader introduced Xiao Mi to her future son-in-law, but for some reason, Xiao Mi 　　didn't like the young man at first sight. She couldn't explain why, but she just felt uncomfortable with him, a strange feeling in her heart. When the uncle 　　asked her what she thought of the young man, Xiao Mi bluntly replied, "Not good." 　　The team leader was somewhat disappointed and said with an awkward smile, "I know, but..." " If a woman likes him, she'll say he's smart. But 　　then again, why would such an excellent young man become someone else's live-in son-in-law?" 　　"Why does he have to marry into another family? Isn't it the same if he just marries into a good family?" Xiaomi asked. 　　The captain smiled bitterly, "You know I don't have a son. I need someone to take care of me in my old age." 　　Xiaomi took the uncle's hand, "Aren't I your son? I'll take care of you when you're old, won't I?" 　　The uncle smiled, "Yes, I have such a good son, but how can I add to your burden 　　?" " 　　Having nothing to do in the afternoon, Xiao Mi wandered around the village, greeting acquaintances. Before he knew it, he found himself back 　　at the elementary school where he had spent two years, a place filled with fond memories. Suddenly, he thought of Teacher Li, and 　　a surge of emotion welled up inside him. He circled the school but couldn't find Teacher Li. Upon inquiring, 　　he learned that Teacher Li had retired the year after Xiao Mi left, and his youngest son had taken his place as a worker at the village elementary school. 　　Xiao Mi was deeply disappointed and left the school dejectedly. On his way home, Xiao Mi asked himself, 'Didn't I promise myself I wouldn't 　　do that again? How come…' 　　Xiao Mi himself found it strange. 　　At his uncle's house ..." He stayed for over ten days, and noticed that the future male head of the household often 　　looked at him with a strange gaze. Moreover, the young woman wasn't as enthusiastic as when he first arrived. Xiao Mi thought, "The uncle is old, 　　the head of this house has changed. What's the point of me staying here?" He decided to return to the city the next day. That 　　night, Xiao Mi nestled tightly in the uncle's arms, a pang of sadness in his heart. He wondered if he would ever be able to lean 　　on the uncle like this again. Now that the uncle had a son, would he still love him as much as before? 　　Tears streamed down Xiao Mi's face. The uncle sensed his sadness, cupped his face, and asked, "Why are you crying 　　?" 　　Xiao Mi said, "I have to go back tomorrow, but I really don't want to leave you." 　　The uncle was very surprised: "Didn't you say you were going to stay a few more days? Until school starts? Why are you suddenly leaving 　　?" " 　　Xiao Mi, of course, couldn't express his true feelings. He only said that school was about to start and he had a lot of things 　　to pack. Xiao Mi wiped away his tears: 'Godfather, all good things must come to an end. As long as you don't mind, I 　　'll come to see you every summer vacation.' 　　The team leader kissed Xiao Mi on the cheek. 'Silly son, how could I mind? 　　I'm already grateful if you don't mind an old man like me.' 　　Xiao Mi said emotionally, 'Godfather, you're only fifty this year, and you're in good health. How can you be considered an old man? But 　　you must take good care of yourself. Once I have a job and a family, I'll take you away.' 　　The team leader hugged Xiao Mi and said repeatedly, 'Okay, okay, I'll definitely take good care of myself so I can hold my grandchildren in the future. 　　When do you plan to let me hold my grandchildren?'"

Xiao Mi laughed, "Don't worry. I'll have a bunch of babies tomorrow, you can hold them all."
No one expected that Xiao Mi's words, these seemingly ordinary words, would become an
empty promise to the uncle. 　　University life wasn't as colorful as Xiao Mi had imagined, especially for someone studying politics. Xiao Mi thoroughly disliked this 　　monotonous life. 　　The only thing that comforted Xiao Mi was that four of her six roommates were from the city. They only stayed at school from Monday
to 　　Friday, and those four were all seventeen or eighteen-year-old students, completely out of place with Xiao Mi and her 　　other roommate. They had virtually no interaction, and Xiao Mi wasn't a sociable person either; every 　　Saturday and Sunday evening, she felt exceptionally quiet. 　　Her other roommate was a twenty-seven-year-old from the countryside, but Xiao Mi thought he 　　was older than that. He said he was an old high school student from the early Cultural Revolution who had changed his age at the local police station to 　　be a younger student in order to take the college entrance exam. 　　The old scholar, named Zhang Jing, was a very manly young man with a full beard, a square face, a high nose, and 　　large eyes. Years of hard labor made him look much older than his actual age. Coming from the countryside, he and 　　Xiao Mi had a lot in common. 　　Especially on Saturday and Sunday evenings, when only he and Xiao Mi were in the dormitory, he became 　　particularly talkative. 　　He once told Xiao Mi that she didn't seem like a young man in her twenties at all, but rather like a seventeen or eighteen-year-old 　　boy, because Xiao Mi had a baby face that made it impossible to guess her age. 　　He asked Xiao Mi, "Did you really spend three years as a sent-down youth?" 　　His stories of rural life and various anecdotes about the countryside greatly increased their closeness. 　　He was particularly fond of Xiaomi. One weekend evening, he and Xiaomi had a few drinks outside. He put his arm around 　　Xiaomi and carried her back to the dorm. Looking at Xiaomi's flushed face, he suddenly kissed her on the cheek and said, "Mi Le, 　　why aren't you a girl?" 　　Xiaomi was also a little tipsy and asked, "So what if I'm a girl? You won't force yourself on me, will you?" 　　Zhang Jing laughed heartily, "I might not force myself on you, but I'll definitely get you and make you my wife." 　　Xiaomi smiled too, "That depends on whether I like you or not." 　　Zhang Jing asked ambiguously, "If you were a girl, you wouldn't mind, would you?" 　　Xiaomi was speechless for a moment. 　　Back in the dorm, Xiaomi went to the bathroom to shower. As he stripped naked, Zhang Jing suddenly burst in: 　　"Mi Le," Zhang Jing said, "I want to see if such a beauty like you is a man or a woman?" 　　Xiaomi, a man who had seen it all, straightened up to Zhang Jing: "Do you think I'm a man or a woman?" 　　Zhang Jing squinted, scrutinizing Xiaomi for a moment: "Judging by your...thing, you should be considered a man, 　　but I really wish you were a woman." 　　Xiaomi smiled and said: "Can't you pretend I'm a woman?" 　　Zhang Jing slapped his forehead, looking enlightened: "That's right, how come I didn't think of that?" 　　He quickly stripped off his clothes, walking naked to Xiaomi: "My lady, this humble servant greets you." 　　Xiaomi looked closely, and oh dear, what's wrong with Zhang Jing? He had a huge banana growing down there! 　　Xiao Mi's genitals weren't large for a man, and what made him somewhat ashamed was that he didn't have one 　　as big as his godfather's. His genitals were long and thin, pointed, and tightly covered by the foreskin, somewhat like Teacher Li's 　　, but not as large. Perhaps because he loved his godfather so much, he also greatly admired his godfather's genitals 　　—is this what they call "love me, love my dog"? He hoped he could have a genital as large as his godfather's, so that 　　he could show his masculinity. 　　Zhang Jing's genitals, in appearance, were in no way inferior to his godfather's. Because he was young, energetic, and 　　easily aroused, he quickly became erect under the stimulation of hot water. The entire organ looked heroic and upright, and its color wasn't 　　as deep as his godfather's, but a pinkish-red, quite pleasing to the eye. 　　Xiao Mi's eyes widened. Zhang Jing asked, "What? Never seen a man before?" 　　Xiao Mi snapped out of her daze and smiled sheepishly, "Never seen a man like you." 　　Zhang Jing laughed heartily, "Yes, you probably haven't seen a man like me. Don't you think there's 　　a difference between you and me?" 　　"What's different?" 　　Zhang Jing proudly fiddled with his genitals, saying arrogantly, "Didn't you see how big it is?" 　　Xiao Mi felt a little ashamed, looked at her own genitals, and didn't reply. 　　Zhang Jing realized his abruptness, went up and hugged Xiao Mi, comforting her, "I was just joking, yours 　　isn't small either." 　　Xiao Mi pushed him away, "Get lost! Who's comparing sizes with you?" 　　 (To be continued)

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