Adult Jokes Collection 1

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-24

A husband and wife were making love, the husband on top and the wife on the bottom. After the climax, the husband asked his wife, "What does my thing look like?" The wife replied, "It's like a ladle, scooping out all the Shaoxing wine from the jar." After a while, they made love again, the wife on top and the husband on the bottom. The wife asked her husband, "And what does your thing look like?" The husband replied, "It looks like a broken umbrella." The wife said, "An umbrella is an umbrella, why add the word 'broken'?" The husband

replied, "If it's not a broken umbrella, why is water dripping down the handle?" The couple were eating together, and the wife asked, "What's so good about chives? Why do you always like to eat them?" The husband said, "Eating these things makes my penis as hard as iron." The wife kept eating them, and the husband said, "What's the use of eating them?" The wife said, "After eating them, that place feels like an iron hoop."

There was a man without a wife who stored his semen in a jar every time he masturbated. When the container is full, take it out and empty it, crying, "My son! Because you have no mother, that's why I sent you into the jar (a type of container)."

Xiao Ming has a natural inclination to gamble and has never lost. His father is very worried about this, fearing he will grow up to be a gambler. So he calls Xiao Ming's beautiful female teacher, who agrees to keep him after school the next day for counseling. After class, the teacher keeps Xiao Ming behind for counseling. After listening, Xiao Ming says to the teacher: "Okay, then I'll bet you one more time. If I lose, I'll never gamble again." The teacher agrees. Xiao Ming: "Teacher, do you dare bet me a thousand yuan? I bet you won't dare take off your clothes to show me." Seeing that no one was around, the teacher thought to herself, "I'll finally teach you a lesson today." So she took off all her clothes. Xiao Ming looked at her, then handed her 1,000 yuan, lowered his head, and went home without a word. That evening, the teacher proudly called Xiao Ming's father, telling him that she had corrected Xiao Ming's bad habit of betting. Xiao Ming's father said, "Not necessarily, teacher. Last night, Xiao Ming bet me 5,000 yuan that you would take off all your clothes for him, and I hid at the back of the classroom to prove I lost."

A newlywed couple moved to Xinyi District. Their house had windows on both the east and west sides, and they hung their clothes in different places each day. It was said that if the clothes were hung on the east side, it would rain on the west side, and vice versa. The neighbors were curious, and one day they asked the wife, "How do you know which side will rain?" The wife replied, "I don't know, I
just see which side my husband's penis is facing every morning, and that's where I hang the clothes." The neighbors were even more curious and asked, "What do you do when your husband has an erection?" The wife shyly replied, "If that's the case, I immediately mount him.

" A farmer complained to the doctor that he often felt his feet were cold after going to bed at night. "Yes," the doctor said, "I often have that too. Then I hug my wife, and that warms her feet up!" The farmer mustered up his courage and said, "That's a good idea, but—when is your wife available?" Girl

: Father, I need to confess to you, yesterday I allowed my boyfriend to kiss me. Priest: Is that all? Girl: No, he also put his hand on my thigh. Priest: Hmm... and then? Girl: Then, he pulled down my panties. Priest: Hmm... and then what? Girl: Then, my mother walked into the room...? Priest: Uh... what a spoilsport!

A girl went to the OB-GYN... Doctor: Miss, congratulations on your pregnancy! Please also tell your husband that he's going to be a father... Miss: Doctor, I'm not married yet... Miss: Doctor, I don't have a boyfriend either... Doctor: "This...then tell your parents that a second Jesus is about to be born..."

An elderly father, when describing the achievements of his three sons, differed from other fathers. He considered his eldest son a "superior person" because he "feared" his wife; he
considered his second son a "middle-class person" because he "respected" his wife; and he considered his third son an "inferior person" because he "beat" his wife.
Finally, one of the guests couldn't help but ask the old man which class he belonged to. The old man said, "I think I am a 'saint.' Because I am superior, middle, and inferior all at once!"

A man named A was worried that his wife had mental problems, so he consulted a psychiatrist. "She is very afraid of her clothes being stolen," he told the doctor. "How do you know?" the doctor asked. "One day I came home early from work and found that she had hired a man to stand in the closet and watch over her clothes."

Mom often reminded Xiaomei, "Don't swing when you're wearing a skirt, or little boys will see your underwear!" One day, Xiaomei happily came home and told her mother, "Mommy, I had a swing contest with Xiaoming today, and I won!" Her mother angrily replied, "Didn't Mommy tell you? You can't swing when you're wearing a skirt! Little boys will see your underwear!" Xiaomei proudly boasted, "But I'm so clever! I took off my underwear! That way he won't see my underwear!" After reading the newspaper, the newly appointed high-ranking official exclaimed indignantly, "

So many extramarital affairs! What kind of society is this!" His wife chimed in, "Exactly! They should all be arrested and shot!" The official gazed thoughtfully at his wife. "Tell me honestly," he said, "in all these years of marriage, have you ever been unfaithful to me?" "Why are you asking such a question?" his
wife asked in surprise. "Don't evade it, answer my question!" "Then," his wife said, clearly frightened, "you promise me you won't hit me." "I haven't hit my wife in a long time," he said with emotion. "Fine," his wife said resolutely, gritting her teeth, "only three times." "Three times?!" the official exclaimed anxiously, "What
three times?" "The first time, do you remember your doctoral exam at the University of Chicago?" There was an examination committee member who made things difficult for you in every way possible, just to prevent you from passing. If you didn't get your doctorate, your family would lose face, and our future would be ruined. Later, that difficult professor personally came to our house to congratulate you on passing, and that was
because of me…” “No wonder, it was all for me… What about the second time?” “The second time, do you remember when you were the ambassador in South America, and the king of that country threatened to sever diplomatic relations with our country? If they did, you would become the ambassador for severing relations, and your political future would be over. Later, that king suddenly changed his mind and stopped mentioning severing relations?
That was because of me…” “Oh, you were still for me… What about the third time?” “The third time, do you remember when you were nominated for Premier, and during the Legislative Yuan vote…” "You still need twenty-one votes..."

At the ball, Yu Mian said to the girl he had just met, "After the ball, let me take you home, okay? I promise I won't touch you, I'll definitely maintain my gentlemanly demeanor." The girl angrily said, "Then I think you'd better not take me home."

Two sisters-in-law were spinning when they saw a basket of radishes. The younger sister said, "It would be great if the radishes in the basket were like a man's penis." The older sister said, "It would be even better if they were soft." The younger sister said, "Why soft?" The older sister said, "If they're soft and then hard, one basket becomes two baskets, right?"

Person A: "Last night after I did 'that' with my girlfriend, she said I was like a washing machine stick. I don't know what that means?"
Person B: "Hmm, it probably describes your performance as very vigorous and prolific."
Person C laughed and said, "Ha! No way! You know, washing machine sticks are always placed in a washing tub that's much bigger than them." Man

: "You take your clothes off first, then I'll take mine off."
Woman: "I take longer to take my clothes off.""You should take your clothes off first."
Man: "How about this? Let's save time by taking them off together."
Woman: "How could I?"
Man: "It's okay, we're family."
Woman: "Then hurry up! Pack it all in, be careful! Don't get your clothes dirty!"
Man: "Hmm... this spin dryer is so convenient."

In the hotel, after their lovemaking, the man, smoking a cigarette, asked: "Your family is very strict, isn't it? What if you get pregnant?"
"I'll commit suicide, I won't implicate anyone," the woman replied. "
Really? That's great! Let's do it again!"

An exhausted husband said to his wife: "No matter who calls, say I'm not home." A moment later, the phone rang, and
the wife picked up the receiver and whispered: "Hello! My husband is home now!"
"Didn't I tell you to say I'm not home?" the husband roared angrily. "
The call is for me," the wife replied.

Da Kang visited A Zhou's house, but A Zhou wasn't home; his wife was embroidering. After looking at it, Da Kang said: "Your embroidery is beautiful!"
Ah Zhou's wife said, "You flatter me. If you like, I'll embroider one for you too."
When Da Kang returned home, he told his wife about it and praised Ah Zhou's wife for her very tactful reply. A few days later, Ah Zhou visited Da Kang, but he wasn't home; his wife was playing with their child.
Ah Zhou said, "Your child is so beautiful, round and chubby, so cute!"
Da Kang's wife proudly replied, "You flatter me! If you like, I'll have one for you too."

An elderly wealthy businessman married a young woman. To surprise his wife, the businessman asked a doctor to transplant a chimpanzee's testicles into him. Soon after, the young woman became pregnant. On the day the baby was born, the businessman waited anxiously outside the delivery room. When the doctor came out, the businessman eagerly asked, "Doctor, is it a boy or a girl?" "I don't know!" the doctor said helplessly, "It's been hanging on the chandelier and won't come down."

Question: Why is it so hard to find a kind and considerate boyfriend in America?
A: Because they both have boyfriends.

A man ran into an old friend on the third day after his wedding. The friend asked curiously,
"How was your wedding night?"
"Ugh, don't even mention it, it was awful."
"What happened? Something's wrong?"
"No, everything was fine, it's just that old habits die hard. Because it was so wonderful,
I slipped a thousand yuan under her pillow the next morning."
"My God, won't your wife be furious?"
"If that were the case, that would have been fine. But she found me five hundred yuan while I was half asleep."

At a hotel check-in counter, I overheard a couple ahead of me requesting at least one double bed in their room. The clerk apologetically replied that all the empty rooms only had two single beds. Disappointed, the man muttered, "What am I going to do? We've shared a bed for 44 years."
At this moment, the woman asked the waiter, "Could you please move the two beds closer together?"

A Frenchman and an American were discussing love. The Frenchman said, "In our country, young men are always very polite when courting a girl. Only when love has progressed to a certain point do the young man begin to kiss the girl's fingertips, then her hand, ear, neck..."
"My God," the American sighed, "If this were in America, they would have already been on their honeymoon by now."

During the Iran-Iraq War, a captain was transferred to the Iranian front as a company commander. Upon arrival, he asked his messenger, "There are no women in this desert unit. How do you meet your basic needs?"
The messenger pointed to a camel tied outside the tent and said, "We rely on that!"
The company commander looked puzzled and said, "Rely on that?"
The messenger nodded. The company commander was incredulous.
More than a month later, the company commander, unable to bear his physical needs any longer, called the messenger and said, "Bring that camel to my room!"
The messenger asked curiously, "Bring the camel to your room?"
The company commander replied, "Stop arguing, just bring it in."
About 30 minutes later, the company commander came out exhausted and said, "This is really difficult!"
The messenger asked, puzzled, "What are you doing in the room with the camel, company commander?"
The company commander said, "Of course, we're doing *that*! Aren't you the same?"
The messenger replied, "Company commander, I mean we all rely on this camel to take us to the city to find women. (The last sentence appears to be

unrelated and possibly a separate thought: "British, American, and Japanese people were on the same plane; unfortunately, it crashed and made an emergency landing in Africa.") (In areas where cannibals are said to sometimes roam) Unfortunately, the three of them were picked up and made dinner before they could escape. As they watched the cannibals perform their "Hugahaga" dance with dismay, the chief came to inspect these three delicious meals… Clinging to a sliver of hope, the three tried to communicate with the chief (not using a translator, of course!). They used body language to plead for their lives…; the native chief agreed, but then gave them a test (of course, not the questions on this joint exam!).
His test was: the three of them had to take out their penises and measure them; if the total length was exactly 19cm… he would release them! At this point, the Englishman volunteered to measure first, wow! 7 centimeters! Next was the American, 10 centimeters. Finally, the Japanese man was 2 centimeters (ha!). Dear readers, please calculate: 7 + 10 + 2 = 19, right?! The chief, true to his word, released
them. The three of them ran and scrambled away from the cannibal village, fleeing for their lives! Onward! Onward! The Japanese man let out a big sigh of relief and said: Whew! Goodness! Just now, while measuring the length, I don't know why, I suddenly got excited! Otherwise... (Otherwise what? I believe you all understand!) So, in my humble opinion... the length of these men...

do you know what kind of man in the world is the most arrogant? -- A Texas cowboy and a Soviet hunter!
One day, a Texan and a Soviet hunter were drinking in a small bar in Siberia. Outside it was freezing cold, but inside it was warm and cozy. As they drank, they started arguing, each boasting that they were the strongest men in the world. Their bragging escalated, and it looked like they were about to fight. The bartender, seeing things getting out of hand, ran out to mediate, saying, "You two won't get anywhere arguing like this. Why don't you each go out and do something to prove you're the strongest man in the world? The winner gets a drink."
The Russian hunter said, "This is my territory, I'll go first." He immediately and bravely went out… About half an hour later, the Russian hunter returned, staggering, disheveled, and covered in blood. He leaned against the bar:
"Bring me a drink, I've already won!"
"Wait!" said the Texan, "What did you do?"
"I defeated a polar bear with my bare hands!"
The Texan said nothing, turned around, and went out again…
An hour later, the Texan returned, stumbling and bleeding, practically covered in wounds. He slumped onto the bar: "A drink! I've won this time!"
"Wait! What did you do?" the Russian hunter asked.
The Texan replied smugly, "I fucked a polar bear!!"

One day, a young man walked into a roast duck restaurant. "Miss, do you sell roast duck?" the owner, a beautiful young woman, asked. "Yes! We have Peking duck and Nanjing salted duck! What flavor would you like, sir?" "Hmm… what's the difference?" "Well… alright! Come with me for a moment." With that, the young woman led the man to the back kitchen. "Look!" she said, grabbing a duck from a cage and forcefully inserting her hand into its anus. "Quack quack! Heave-ho!!" the duck struggled. "Did you hear that?" the young woman smiled and said, "That's the sound of Nanjing salted duck." "Oh…" the young man then asked, "And what about Peking duck?" The young woman then grabbed another duck from a cage and inserted her hand into its anus again. "Heave-ho! Heave-ho!!" "Here! This is Peking duck! Which one would you like, sir?" "Hmm... then I'll buy a Nanjing salted duck." The young woman then wrapped up a duck for him. "Thank you for your patronage!" the young woman said with a smile. "You're welcome," the young man replied with a smile, then turned and left. "Oh! By the way! Miss, where are you from?" the young man asked with a grin. The young woman smiled shyly and said, "Would you like to try going to the restroom with me?"

One day, a young woman boarded a bus carrying a bottle of fresh milk. As the bus approached a major stop, the crowd grew, making it difficult to even breathe...
Soon, the young woman's milk bottle was burst by the throng, staining her stockings. The young woman angrily exclaimed, "Ugh!! Stop pushing! You've squeezed all my milk out!"

A man went to a psychiatrist, complaining of suffering from insomnia. After some discussion, the doctor advised him to talk to himself while trying to sleep to induce sleep, which would be effective.
That night, the man did as the doctor said, saying to his toes, "Toes, sleep!" Then he said, "Feet, sleep!" "Legs, sleep!" and so on until he reached his eyes. Just then, his wife entered the room wearing a see-through nightgown, and he jumped up, shouting, "Everyone, get up! Everyone, get up!"

A
teacher was teaching his students the new word "quilt" in class. Xiao Ming didn't understand, so the teacher patiently prompted him, "What's on top of the bed when you sleep at night?"
"The bed sheet." "
And on top of the bed sheet?"
"My mom." The whole class burst into laughter.
The teacher wasn't discouraged and asked again, "And on top of your mom?"
Xiao Ming stammered, "My dad..."

The Life of a Flea
: Once upon a time, a flea lived on the genitals of a female cellist, but every morning it was woken up by the sound of the cello, so it decided to move. One day during a performance, it discovered that the conductor's mustache was a perfect place to live, so it moved its home to the conductor's mustache. From then on, it thought it would no longer be bothered by the sound of the cello.
But a few days later, it was awakened by a noisy commotion. Looking around, it cursed, "Why did I come back here again?"

Meanwhile
, on a crowded subway car during rush hour, a timid pervert mustered his courage and began groping the woman next to him. A few stops later, as he prepared to get off, the woman kicked him hard.
He said, very ashamed and embarrassed, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."
The girl angrily said, "Sir, don't do things you can't finish."

The difference between hot and cold :
In physics class, the professor asked the students to explain the difference between hot and cold.
[Heat causes objects to expand, cold causes objects to contract.] Wang Guang answered.
[Very good! Please give an example to prove your point.]
Wang Guang said, [Yesterday I went on a date with my girlfriend. When I took her home, we kissed goodbye at her door. At that time, she looked at my [little brother] with very intense eyes. Because of that intense gaze, it quickly swelled up. Coincidentally, my girlfriend's father also came back from outside. He noticed the passion between us and cast two cold glances at me, and my [little brother] immediately contracted back down...] The handsome Zhongxin, who was involved

in a car accident
, was driving a new sports car, very stylishly taking his girlfriend Xiaoxin for a race.
Speeding along the highway, Zhongxin was feeling very proud when suddenly, (ㄍ一)--BANG!
Zhongxin's new sports car crashed into a road barrier and fell into a ditch.
When the police arrived at the scene, they were relieved to find that Zhongxin was still in the driver's seat because he was wearing a seatbelt; however, they then noticed that his crotch was covered in blood, and he was screaming incessantly.
[Stop screaming, buddy. It's a good thing you were wearing a seatbelt, otherwise you might have flown out of the window like the woman next to you! You should thank God.]
[Waaah... Officer,] Zhongxin said with a mournful face, [Don't joke around, didn't you see what that woman was holding?] One day in

chemistry
class, the teacher was talking about fluorescence and mentioned many things related to it
when a shout came from the audience: "Fluorescent condoms!"
The teacher said earnestly,
"Never use fluorescent condoms again, because they can cause skin cancer..."
Suddenly, someone in the audience shouted, "Oh no, oh no, I'll get oral cancer!"

A fairy
once told a story about an ugly man who accidentally saved a fairy. Luckily
, the fairy granted him three wishes.
Afterwards, the ugly man excitedly strolled down the street. Suddenly, he saw a poster of Rambo, and he made his first wish:
"I want to be as strong as him!" he roared to the sky...
(Passersby looked on curiously!)
Bang! The ugly man suddenly became incredibly strong! He then strolled down the street, laughing triumphantly.
(Passersby scattered!)
Suddenly, the ugly man saw a poster of Tom Cruise.
"I want to be as handsome as him!" the ugly man roared again.
(Well, actually he saw my poster!)
Bang again! A handsome and strong man appeared on the street... (
The girls cast envious glances!)
So the "handsome guy" strolled around the street again.
Suddenly, he saw someone selling cows: "I want one as big as its..."
The "handsome guy" drooled uncontrollably, secretly chuckling as he made his third wish:
"Let's see who dares to look down on me now, I'm big, handsome, and strong!!" he thought to himself.
Then, with a bang, his third wish came true.
*Snap!* His "it" disappeared...!!
It turned out he was referring to a cow...!! A shy woman was having abdominal pain, and her neighbors advised her to see a gynecologist.

During the consultation, the young doctor professionally told her, "Please take off your pants." The shy woman didn't move. The doctor urged her again, but she still didn't move. The doctor said impatiently again, "Please take off your pants, there are many people in line behind you!" The introverted woman hesitated, then whispered, "You...you take them off first." (Donuts and whistle candies)

A fat woman and her skinny husband drove into town.
They saw a sign for "Live Show."
They went to an adult bar and saw two naked people lying on separate sofas on stage. The woman threw donuts at the man's penis, and the man threw cherries into her vagina.
After the performance, they left the bar to go home.
On the way home, the husband said to the fat woman, "That looks interesting. Why don't we try it at home?" The
fat woman said, "Okay, park in front of the grocery store. I'll go buy some whistle candies and a dozen grapefruits." One day, a boy went to a STD clinic. He showed the doctor his genitals, and the doctor was astonished for a while, exclaiming, "Why is yours all rolled up?!" He shook his head and said, "I don't know how to treat this. Please find someone else!" A year later, coincidentally, the two met again in a department store restroom. The doctor, curious, leaned over to see if the patient's condition had improved, and to his astonishment, he was completely cured! The doctor, puzzled, asked the patient, "How did you get better?" The patient replied, "Now I know that after urinating, you should shake it out, not squeeze it like you're drying clothes..." Miss Orange said that in 2000, a unique beauty pageant was held on a beach in Hawaii, USA. The focus of this pageant was breast size! Only one person from each country could participate. After two weeks of intense competition, the results were finally announced, and the judges were about to reveal the winners. At this moment, both the contestants on stage and the audience were extremely tense. The judges announced that the third place winner was Miss Papaya from Brazil. Indeed, her breasts were like large papayas, and the audience responded with enthusiastic applause. Next, the second place winner was Miss Watermelon from Norway. The audience was stunned; her breasts were like large watermelons. Then, the first place winner was to be revealed. At this moment, music started playing, and the entire venue was filled with a tense atmosphere. The first place winner was Miss Orange from America! The audience was puzzled; how could such a small girl be number one? But upon closer inspection, they were shocked and all stood up and applauded. Can you imagine why? Ah... nipples... A widow and her brother- in-law lived together peacefully. But one night, the widow couldn't contain herself any longer. She rushed into her brother-in-law's room and loudly declared, "Now I command you to take off my clothes!" The brother-in-law hesitated for a moment, but obediently complied. Then she said, "Now I command you to take off my pants." The brother-in-law did that too. The widow was now only wearing her underwear, but she said to her brother-in-law, "Now I command you to take off all my underwear!" The brother-in-law was terrified!! But he still did as she said. At this point, the widow was completely naked!! So she said to her uncle: "Now please look carefully, our bodies are completely different, please don't wear my underwear anymore!" Zhiming and Axiong were roommates. One day, Zhiming's girlfriend visited, and the two were sexually aroused in the middle of the night. However, because Axiong was sleeping next to them, Zhiming said, "Do you want to eat oranges?" The two then began to make love... At this moment, Axiong got up and shouted: "You can eat oranges, but please don't spray juice everywhere!?!" Sing a song!! Girl, why are you crying? Are you pregnant? Girl, why are you sighing? Is your baby unable to find a daddy? Young people shouldn't play games, happy ages shouldn't be given up easily, cast aside worries, forget those unpleasant things, go outside, let's go have an abortion... Glowing Stickers One day, a teacher went to a sex shop and found a very strange thing on the shelf? It was an arrow-shaped glowing sticker, and the teacher was very curious... Teacher: "Boss, what are these stickers for?" Boss : "Um... they're in the same set as the fluorescent condoms!" Teacher: "...??" Boss: "Because fluorescent condoms only glow in the dark, but if you turn off the lights, you might not be able to find the holes, so of course you need an arrow to indicate the direction!" Teacher: "Okay, then I'll take this set of condoms, please give me two more stickers." Boss: "Huh?? Why three arrows?!" Teacher: "...Hehehe...^_^ ^_^" In the silent, dark night of a power outage, a couple in love decided to make love in the dark, but the man couldn't find the woman's opening. So, after discussing it, the man kept trying different holes, and the woman answered yes or no. At first, the man tried one hole, and the woman answered, "No!" The man tried another hole, and the woman said no again. After several attempts, the man tried another hole, but this time the woman didn't say anything! The man kept asking, "Yes or no?", but the woman remained silent . The family, father, son, mother-in-law, and daughter-in-law, were all skilled in music and could express their feelings through the pipa , with the father being the most accomplished. One day, taking advantage of his wife and son's absence, he wanted to take advantage of his wife, but didn't know how to start. Suddenly, an idea struck him, so he picked up his pipa and went to his wife's door, playing two notes: "Dong dong! " His wife asked, "Who is it? " He then played two more notes: "Father-in-law!" His wife asked again, "What do you want?" He then played two more notes: "Tong tong!" His wife asked again, "Why are you looking for your wife instead of me?" Finally, he played two notes: "Song song." Shopping One day, the husband came home early from work. As soon as he entered the room, he saw his wife lying naked on the bed. He asked, "Why aren't you wearing any clothes?" His wife replied, "I don't have any clothes to wear!" The husband said, "How is that possible! Didn't you just go to the department store yesterday?" As he spoke, he opened the wardrobe, rummaging through the clothes, and said, "I bought a bunch of clothes, shoes, pants, socks... Good heavens! You even bought a male sales clerk..." Mixed Fruit

Once upon a time, an escaped convict fled to a small village.
It was already dark, and he was hungry...
So he found a house where only a father and daughter lived.
The father was ill, so the convict ate and drank heartily...
After he was full, the convict wanted to sleep with the daughter. The father and daughter resisted fiercely, but couldn't stop him.
Before the girl went into the room, the father told her, "If he touches your hand, you call yourself an apple; if he touches your leg, you call yourself a banana, and Daddy will fight him!"
In the middle of the night...
the girl cried out, "Ah... Daddy, the mixed fruit is here..." My

little
niece, who is three and a half years old, is at the age where she asks all sorts of questions.
One day, she went on a trip with her mother to a remote tourist spot.
They were queuing at a simple toilet, with only a thin wall separating the men's and women's sections.
My little niece, full of curiosity, asked,
"Mommy, why do boys pee standing up, while girls squat?"
To stop Miss "Why" from asking further, Mommy pointed to the rubber hose of the faucet and explained,
"Because boys have little hoses, and girls don't, so boys pee standing up and girls squat."
My little niece nodded knowingly and said,
"Mommy, then let's get little hoses installed so we can pee standing up!" A farm owner bought a breeding hen to get his hens pregnant and to lay eggs. After putting it in the coop, it made a lot of noise... but soon it quieted down. The owner,

finding this strange, investigated and found that the breeding hen had been played to death. Undeterred, the owner bought another breeding hen. This time, he gave it a powerful pill and put it in the coop again. The coop made noise again... but soon it quieted down again. The owner looked at the coop and found that the hen had been played to death again. The owner thought, "One pill isn't enough, I'll give you a whole can next time." So he bought another breeding hen, stuffed a can of the pill into it, and put it back in the coop. The coop erupted in chaos again. Soon after, the hen burst out and ran into the ducks. The ducks quacked loudly, and the owner, unable to control it, figured it would soon die like the first two, so he ignored it and went to take his afternoon nap. Some time later, the owner woke up to find the farm eerily quiet. Just as he was about to collect the hen's body, he found it lying motionless on the grass. As he approached, the hen turned and said, "Shh! Don't make a sound! I'm waiting for the eagle in the sky!" A strange bird appeared near the beach where a man had died tragically, his genitals covered in blood. Police investigations revealed that only a little girl had been nearby at the time, so they brought her in for questioning. The policeman asked, "Little girl, do you know how this uncle died?" The little girl replied, "No, but this uncle wasn't a good person; he lied to me!" The policeman asked, "How did this uncle lie to you?" The little girl said, "He was lying there like this, with a small towel covering him. He said there was a cute little bird under the towel and told me not to open the towel, or the bird would fly away. So, while he was asleep, I secretly removed the towel, but where was the cute little bird? There was only a really ugly, strange bird. I got angry and cut it off with scissors..." (The following text appears unrelated and seems to be a separate anecdote ): During dinner, Xiaoming suddenly asked his father a question: "Dad, what's the difference between the vagina and the esophagus?" The father thought, "Hmm, although it's a little embarrassing, this is a good opportunity for sex education." So he tried his best to explain to Xiaoming. But the father was puzzled; where did eight-year-old Xiaoming hear these things from? So he asked Xiaoming. Xiao Ming replied, "During morning assembly, the teacher taught us to report the number of people who should be present and those who are actually present." One day, three archaeologists went on an expedition to a tropical rainforest and suddenly encountered local inhabitants. After being captured, the three thought they might face certain death. At this time, the chief said that if the combined length of their [genitals] was 20 centimeters, he would let them go. The American had 12 centimeters, the Chinese had 5 centimeters, and the Japanese had 3 centimeters, and thus they escaped. Then the American became arrogant, saying, "If mine weren't 12 centimeters, you would be dead long ago." The Chinese said the same thing. Then the Japanese suddenly said, "Hmph! If I weren't erect , you would be finished long ago!" There was a young man whose girlfriend always disobeyed him and opposed him at every turn. So the young man asked the old man next door, "What's your secret to keeping your wife so obedient?" The old man replied, "It's simple. Every time she disobeys, I take off her pants and spank her." The young man sighed with a worried expression, "I often try that method too, but every time I take off her pants, I'm not angry anymore." A father took his 20-year-old son to visit their family business—a sausage factory. Standing in front of a brand-new machine, the father explained to his son, "This is a truly amazing machine! I just put a whole pig in from one end, and it automatically makes sausages from the other end!" The son said, "Dad! Does that mean if we put a sausage in from the other end, a pig will appear on the other end? We'll be rich!" The father said, "Yes! Twenty years ago, I put my sausage in your mother's vagina, and that's how you turned into a pig!" A friend who never smoked was having a romantic chat with his girlfriend in a secluded corner of the park one night. As the conversation progressed, he began to have lustful thoughts, wanting this and that! It wasn't the first time, but he wanted something new, so he placed his "little thing" in his girlfriend's hand... Before he could even ask her how it felt, his girlfriend said, "Thank you, but I never smoke, how could you forget?" A group of Boy Scouts, now turned to stone , arrived in Paris. Unable to find anywhere to spend money, they went to an adult nightclub to watch a striptease show. Initially, the performances were ordinary, but then a stunningly sexy woman appeared, her alluring smile and captivating figure revealed as she undressed. When she was left only in a shimmering bodysuit, sobs broke out among the Boy Scouts. "What's wrong?" the leader asked the crying boy. "My mother told me..." the boy said through tears.

"Seeing a naked woman turns me to stone. Now... a part of my body is starting to turn to stone."

Six months later
, Xiao Qiang, who had just tasted the sweetness of love, met a bold girl.
One night, they were cruising along the coastal highway...
and their passion ignited, and they immediately started making love in the car...
Finally, they managed to calm down...
Xiao Qiang said, "Darling... are you satisfied with my performance?"
The woman said breathlessly, "You're a perfect man. Don't you want a home?"
Xiao Qiang said, "Of course! It would be even better if you were my bride!!"
The woman said, "Then... do you want to have a child?"
Xiao Qiang became excited and hurriedly said, "Of course... the sooner the better!!"
The woman said excitedly, "Great! Let's get married tomorrow... and six months later... you'll have a child!!!" A sailor, suffering

from tonsillitis
, returned from a long voyage, having been pent up for too long, and pounced on his wife as soon as he saw her.
The wife had just been intimate with her lover and was feeling quite listless.
So she said, "I can't! I'm on my period today."
The sailor was very disappointed...
After a while, he became enthusiastic again and tried to turn his wife over.
At this moment, his wife said,
"No! No! It's hot lately, and I'm irritable. My hemorrhoids have flared up again!"
The sailor angrily slapped his wife and said, "You bitch! If you dare say you have tonsillitis, I'll kick you out of the house!"

On
a cruise ship crossing the Pacific Ocean, a wealthy woman nearing eighty years old declared,
"A million US dollars will be given to anyone who can satisfy her."
Soon, her door was crowded with eager men, but everyone looked at each other, no one confident.
At this moment, a tall, burly white man pushed open the rich woman's door and went in. Everyone anxiously pushed forward, eager to know the outcome. But less than thirty seconds later, the white man walked out dejectedly, muttering, "It's too wide. It's too wide..."
By this time, at least two-thirds of the people had given up hope and were preparing to leave...
Then, an even more muscular black man pushed open the door and went in. Like the white man, he emerged less than thirty seconds later like a defeated rooster, still muttering the same phrase: "Too wide...too wide..."
Just when everyone was in despair...
a thin, small Chinese man, after learning what had happened, also pushed open the door and went in...
Everyone waited with schadenfreude for the rich woman to kick the Chinese man out.
Unexpectedly, a miracle happened. The Chinese man didn't come out. Twenty minutes later, the thin, small Chinese man emerged smiling, waving a check for one million US dollars.
Everyone was very curious and asked him how he had done it!
The Chinese man stammered,
"I...I...my dad told...tells me that when...when doing things...you need to use your brain."

One
day, the mother returned home and heard strange noises coming from her daughter's room!
The mother found it odd and quietly went to investigate...
and found her daughter with an inflatable doll...
The mother angrily rushed over and said, "Daughter...what are you doing?"
The daughter said, "Mom! I'm 40 years old..."
The daughter excitedly said, "Look at me...I'm so ugly...I can't get married anymore, so this is my husband."
Hearing her daughter say this, the mother could only shake her head and sigh as she left her daughter's room.
The next day, the father returned home and also heard strange noises coming from his daughter's room!
The father found it odd and quietly went to investigate...
and found his daughter with an inflatable doll...
The father angrily rushed over and said, "Daughter... what are you doing?"
The daughter said, "Mom! I'm already 40 years old..."
The daughter excitedly said, "Look at me... I'm so ugly... I can't get married anymore, so this is my husband."
Hearing his daughter say this, the father could only shake his head and sigh as he walked out of his daughter's room.
The third day...
The mother came home and found the father sitting on the sofa in the living room, his right arm around his daughter's inflatable doll!
The mother angrily said, "You old geezer... do you want to die?"
The father replied, "What... I'm just chatting with my son-in-law... watching TV..."
The mother thought about it and realized he was right, thinking, "Why am I so nervous???"

A beautiful nun
, amidst the chaos, was caught by a cavalryman trying to hide in the woods
. After a struggle, the beautiful nun could not escape the clutches of the enemy.
Later, upon returning to the monastery, she trembled and said to the abbess,
"That wretched man quickly grabbed me, stripped me naked, and threw me into a pile of dry grass... Abbot, what should I do?"
The abbess replied, "Then quickly eat a lemon, and eat it right now."
The nun exclaimed, "Eat a lemon? Why a lemon?!" The
abbess explained, "Isn't someone coming soon? If they see your smug face, that wouldn't be good!"

A thief and a magician:
One day, David, after performing a magic show, was ambushed and robbed.
The thief pointed a pistol at David, demanding money. David, with a flash of magic, conjured the pistol. The thief then took out a knife from his pocket, which David also conjured. The thief, unwilling to give up, reached into his pocket, but David said, "Whatever you take out, I'll conjure it up too." The thief, however, would
n't give up. He then pointed scissors at David, but David's magic was superb; in the blink of an eye, the scissors disappeared as well.
Seeing the situation was dire, the thief hurriedly fled. The thief, running away, muttered, "What bad luck today !
I ran into that lousy magician; even my begging tools disappeared... I'll worry about that later... Huh!? Huh!!!???" A man was

driving
a sports car with his girlfriend.
The woman said to the man, "If you drive this fast, I'll take off all my clothes."
The man replied, "No problem!"
and floored the accelerator, reaching 180 km/h. The woman indeed took off all her clothes.
However, because the car was going too fast, it unexpectedly overturned.
The man was trapped inside and couldn't get out, so he told his girlfriend to run for help.
The woman cried, "But I'm not wearing any clothes!!"
Man: "Then I'll lend you one of my shoes, you can cover your private parts."
So his girlfriend covered her private parts with the shoe and went to a nearby gas station to ask for help.
She arrived at the gas station, breathless, and told the attendant:
"Quick...help...my...boyfriend, he...is...stuck in there!!" The attendant
looked at the shoe, sighed, and said, "Sigh, your boyfriend is too deeply involved, there's nothing I can do..." A widow wanted to find a sexual partner, but he had to meet three conditions: 1. He couldn't abandon her; 2. He couldn't hit her; 3. He had to be sexually potent. Three days later, she heard the doorbell and opened the door to find a person in a wheelchair. She asked him what he wanted, and he said he was applying for a sexual partner. Upon closer inspection, the man's legs were crippled, so he couldn't run away—meeting the first condition! Then she noticed his hands were missing—meeting the second condition!! The widow couldn't help but ask him, "How do I know your abilities in that area?" The man, with a smug look on his face, replied, "What do you think I used to ring the doorbell?" One day, the emperor was about to go on a tour, and he was worried that his beautiful and flirtatious empress would have affairs with his ministers. So he decided to install a carefully designed trap at the empress's entrance, so that anything inserted would be snapped off immediately! Then, he went out without worry... Upon returning, at the morning court... he ordered all the ministers to take off their trousers, and the ministers reluctantly did so. As a result, everyone was left with only half a trouser! Only one person's was intact. The emperor decided to reward him handsomely and asked him, "Tell me! What do you want? I'll give you..." After a while... he didn't speak!? The emperor impatiently urged him to speak quickly! When he opened his mouth, the emperor discovered that only half of his tongue remained! As a result... alas! The minister was still beheaded. A pretty young woman bought five bananas, ate three, and had two left. Afraid the bananas would get crushed on the bus, she held one in her hand and put the other in her back pocket. Afraid it would fall out of her back pocket, she kept reaching back to hold it. After the car had been driving for a while, a young man got off and patted her on the shoulder, saying, "Miss, could you please let go of my hand? I'm getting off!" A joke... Old Wang was a cleaner at XX Hospital. Although his position wasn't high, all the women in the hospital respected him greatly; the reason being none other than Old Wang's exceptional sexual prowess—most of the women in the hospital (including patients) had affairs with him... However , his good fortune didn't last long. One day, Old Wang suddenly fell ill and passed away. The women in the hospital were devastated, and many of those who had previously visited him returned to mourn. After several days, everyone decided to choose an auspicious day for the funeral... There was a doctor in the hospital named Chen. He had heard about Old Wang's sexual prowess from a young age. After careful consideration, he decided to take Old Wang's two olds home to study. Thus, with meticulous planning, Dr. Chen successfully stole... From then on, whenever he had free time, he would conduct research in his home laboratory. One day, while Dr. Chen was deep in thought, his wife, who had already prepared dinner in the kitchen, went straight to the laboratory to investigate the mystery of her husband's work. Dr. Chen, exhausted, had already fallen into a deep sleep. Suddenly, a noise woke him up, and he saw his wife bursting into the laboratory. Dr. Chen suddenly remembered that the thing was still on the table. Just as he was about to hide it, his wife, looking at it, cried out: "Waaah, Old Wang is dead..." A military policeman? A policeman? Recently, a classmate of mine went to a wedding banquet. The groom was a lieutenant colonel in the military police. When he toasted, he said: "From now on, I'll be a military policeman during the day and a policeman at night." My classmate didn't understand what he meant, so he went to ask his father. It turned out that the bride was a policeman.

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