I started being lewd behind my boyfriend's back.

page views:1 Publication date:2023-04-29

I Began My Lewdness Behind My Boyfriend's Back (Reconstructed Version) - Chapter 3 (Previous) Chapter 3 (Previous) – Decided? Targeted?
"Lewdness, is it something you're born with or something you seek?"
—Year XXX Month XXX Day
"Hi..."
"I think... I'm sick..." I said weakly.
"..." The phone was silent for a while, then the deep, honest voice said, "Come over at 10:30 tomorrow morning..."
"Okay..." I hung up the phone weakly.
One minute I was shopping at Ala Jumeirah Anaceer, the next I was hiking at Diamond Head, then surfing at Waikiki Beach and snorkeling at Hanauma Bay. With less than two days left, I rushed through the itinerary like a tourist, afraid that the money for the plane ticket would be wasted.
"This time it's a relationship column..." I pouted, holding a pencil and pondering. "I'll write about this then..." Title: Infidelity, no, infidelity is about love. Content: ...Women cheat to find their Venus; men cheat to find their Venus...
Early in the morning, after packing our luggage, we waited for the shuttle bus in the hotel lobby. Xiao Cheng was talking to the person in charge, while I wandered around the lobby. Suddenly, I saw a familiar back. I quietly walked over, wanting to say a final goodbye.
"Ha! Ha! I don't like force... I like more interaction...anyway...thanks!" I saw that the masseuse was talking to...another masseuse? A strange sense of terror rose within me. I tried my best to retreat as quickly as possible, but I only stumbled backward step by step.
"The luggage is all packed! Xiao Xi, let's go?" Xiao Cheng suddenly called out to me.
That call awakened my conflicted mind, and all my nerves seemed to suddenly connect. I turned around and ran with all my might, getting into the car as fast as I could.
"Yes!" Yu Jie took a sip of water and continued, "However, you unexpectedly heard the truth later. Your brain's rational explanation was shattered, so you showed classic symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. By the way, do you still believe he lost his wife?"
"Hi..." A deep, honest voice came through the phone.
"Are you alright? Are you feeling unwell again?" Xiao Cheng asked with concern after getting into the car, noticing my somewhat strange appearance.
"Hmm... well, let me tell you something interesting I just learned... You know, Mrs. Maeda has twin sons, one of whom is the same person who massaged us on the first day!" Xiaocheng said with great interest, "I never imagined we'd have such a strange connection!"
"Twins," "rapiding is not mystic...like more interaction," "twins," "rapiding is not mystic...like more interaction,"... these two phrases kept floating in my mind. So, was it all a lie? Was it all a fabrication?
Could it be that even Mrs. Maeda intentionally showed up there? ...
I... I just want to die...
However, perhaps my request was too impulsive and too selfish, and heaven still peacefully sent me home, leaving my heart to continue to suffer.
"You...!" Xiao Cheng stood up, ready to strike.
I started having severe insomnia, daytime felt like night, and nighttime felt like day.
I started being easily startled, so I turned off my phone and shut myself off.
I started refusing to make love with Xiao Cheng, and we kept arguing about it.
I wasn't sure if my inability to write was due to too much pressure? Or was it because I lacked inspiration and was under too much pressure?
I realized my life had gone out of control...
so Xiao Cheng moved in with me in my apartment, but my work still didn't improve.
"I want to see a doctor... a psychiatrist..." I said weakly to Xiao Cheng, looking haggard.
"It seems that's the only way..." He lowered his head helplessly, indicating that this was our only solution at the moment.
"Can we see him...?" I said softly, feeling a little nervous.
"Him?..." Xiao Cheng sighed, revealing a dead face, and then said, "...Then I must go with you..."
The next day, after parking the car, we slowly walked upstairs. The scene was so familiar. I remembered choosing the painting by the door, picking out the sofa, and choosing the floorboards… I remembered how I loved sitting by the window writing. So many memories were stored here. Three years… a whole three years since I last came here. Instantly, a flood of emotions and feelings welled up in my heart.
“Excuse me, are you Ms. Yao Kexi?” a friendly nurse stood up and asked me. “This way, please.” We entered the examination room, and I was stunned when I saw the interior. Not only the outside, but everything I saw was exactly the same as when I left. The ripples in my heart made me want to cry.
"Let me make this clear... Jiang Yujie..." Xiao Cheng said impatiently to the man in front of him, "I'm here today purely because Xiao Xi needs your help... I'm not here to bow down to you!" The man in front of him calmly looked up and glanced at Xiao Cheng, coldly saying, "Hmph... what's a doctor doing if he's not seeing patients? Besides, you should probably register too..." "You..." Xiao Cheng angrily pointed at Yujie with his index finger, "Say that again! You sissy!" Yujie shook his head and smiled, turning to look at the medical record in his hand, seemingly ignoring Xiao Cheng's words.
I closed my eyes, not replying.
"Bang!" Xiao Cheng deliberately pulled out a chair and slammed it to the ground, glaring fiercely at Yujie as he sat down.
Jiang Yujie, tall and thin, with a handsome and refined appearance, was one of my male best friends, or rather, my childhood sweetheart. He was incredibly intelligent and attentive, often understanding my needs with just a glance or a gesture. He was exceptionally gentlemanly, caring for me like an older brother for almost thirty years. This was also the reason why Xiao Cheng couldn't accept his existence. So, three years ago, Xiao Cheng asked me if I could cut off contact with him, and just like that… it's been three years since then.
However, even after nearly thirty years together, Yu Jie and I haven't been together much. It's not like many urban couples say, "We've become family, how could there be any feelings?" Rather, I feel a sense of fear towards him. I can't hide anything from him because he can see right through me.
Yu-Jie put down the medical record, glanced at Xiao-Cheng, then turned back and softly asked me, "What symptoms are bothering you today?"
"Probably... insomnia, anxiety, nervousness..." I counted on my fingers, "And... my brain is completely blank, I have no inspiration to write..."
"Hmm..." He gently covered his lips with his slender fingers, head bowed in thought, "...Mr. Wang Zhongcheng, would it be convenient for you to leave the consultation room for a moment?"
"Why? Is there something I can't say in person?" Xiao-Cheng asked, a hint of annoyance in his voice.
"I'm guessing you're the cause..." Yu-Jie said nonchalantly, looking at Xiao-Cheng, "If you two started arguing in front of me, wouldn't that be too much trouble for me?"
"Stop arguing...!" I couldn't stand their constant bickering any longer and snapped, "Xiao Cheng, can you go out first? I'm really tired. I just want to get treatment." "Xiao Xi... he started it..." Xiao Cheng hesitated, looking at my angry expression, "Okay... I'll wait outside..." With that, Xiao Cheng walked out of the consultation room sullenly and slammed the door shut with a "bang!"
Yu Jie watched Xiao Cheng leave the consultation room, turned back and sighed, and said softly to me, "Sigh... I've said everything I needed to say..."
I knew that it was three years ago when I introduced Xiao Cheng, whom I had just started dating, to Yu Jie. Yu Jie had privately told me that Xiao Cheng was too innocent and impulsive, and not suitable for a girl like me who thought a lot and preferred quiet. I never expected that Xiao Cheng would see that message, and the two of them would have a big argument in the consultation room, which made me lose face in front of Yu Jie.
"Let's not dwell on this..." Yu-Jie got up, walked to the door, locked it, and silently sat down beside me. "Relax, no one will bother you now, and the soundproofing is good... Tell me, 'What major thing has happened to you recently?' Please say the first thing that comes to mind..."
I felt so sorry for losing contact with him back then, and I never thought I would still trouble him in the end. Thinking about it, I silently shed tears.
He patted my shoulder, handed me a tissue, and forced a smile, indicating that I should relax.
I then told him everything that had happened in Hawaii, and also told him that since returning from Hawaii, I had no feelings for Xiao-Cheng, so Xiao-Cheng and I couldn't be affectionate for a while.
As he listened, his brows furrowed deeper and deeper. After a moment of silence, he told me with a grim expression, "Kexi, you... may have PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)..."
My heart ached so much. How could I have been so foolish... How could I face Xiaocheng... If I could, I wished the plane could just plunge into the Pacific Ocean and let the sea wash away my filthy and ugly sins...
"Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?" I couldn't believe that I was actually hearing this word, which I had only ever heard in the media, in my own ears.
"Hmm...right..." Yu Jie got up and sat back at his desk, turning on the light. "First of all, the first accident already had a significant impact on your mind, meaning your brain was quite shaken. If it only went this far, your heart would be able to process it after a while. However, it was this 'however' that led to the second one. Aren't you curious why you believed his lame lie about losing his wife?" "Hmm?" I listened curiously.
"Stockholm syndrome, in order to rationalize the shock to the brain, one begins to defend or trust the perpetrator."
"Stockholm... syndrome?"
"I..." I knew I was being used, but I couldn't answer the question for a moment, "...maybe he really did lose his wife..."
"Enough...you two..." I said unhappily, then pulled out a chair and sat down, "I'm tired...can you two sit down too?"
"There are some confusing symptoms...but it's just PTSD plus some Stockholm symptoms! That's the explanation for your current condition."
Yu Jie suddenly said.
"Then what should I do..." I was a little frustrated, feeling like it was an incurable disease.
"People change. Besides relieving symptoms, I personally don't favor 'treatment.' I don't believe in cognitive therapy, exposure therapy, and the like. I prefer patients to find a lifestyle that adapts to their 'new self.'"
"A new...self?" I looked at Yu-Chieh, puzzled. "So what should I do?" "I remember you majored in philosophy, right?...Do you know about determinism and purpose theory?" "Um..." I looked at Yu-Chieh somewhat awkwardly.
He smiled and said, "I'll use goal theory to explain your situation. I think you're creating feelings of guilt and pressure to avoid severing ties with Aya, and the reason is related to 'unexpected events.'" I was somewhat surprised, but unwilling to accept such an explanation, so I retorted, "Isn't it just that you feel guilty towards Makoto because of 'unexpected events,' which is why you're accumulating pressure?" "Heh... that's determinism..." Yu Jie smiled, "However, that doesn't really apply here. Because it doesn't explain why a second 'unexpected event' would occur. After all, people don't act to increase their guilt..." "Don't you believe me?" Yu Jie asked, looking at my incredulous expression, "Then let's experiment..." "What experiment?" I looked at him curiously, only to see him rummaging through the boxes behind him.
"Got it!... This is it..." Yu Jie pulled out a long, black device that seemed to have some elasticity...
I stared intently at it, then exclaimed, "That...that's...a vibrator, isn't it?" "Um...yes...you know some of my patients...are very complicated..." Yu Jie smiled awkwardly.
The night before my flight, I was in bed, brainstorming articles for my submission, holding a notebook with a kraft paper cover.
He asked me to take the vibrator to the recliner next to him, hoping I could masturbate to orgasm. His reasoning was that masturbation would reduce my stress and guilt, and if it did, he could tell me the reason I might be "sick." However, if not, I would have to follow the traditional, long-term treatment.
I shyly put on the blindfold and slowly sat on the recliner, nervously asking before masturbating, "Is this really the only way?"
"I'm not sure...but I'm usually right..." he said softly in a confident yet gentle voice, trying to make me relax.
"Haha...besides, I've seen your figure countless times...rest assured...I'm going to play video games over there..."
"Jiang Yujie! You bastard!" A blush rose to my face, and I angrily cursed him.
This little playful banter really made me feel much more at ease, like when we were in school and played around every day. So I relaxed and lay down on the cloth recliner I used to choose, covering my eyes to keep myself undisturbed by the surrounding things, and slowly, slowly, I let myself feel at ease.

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