Unforgettable Years

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-24

Life is like a game of chess, and life is like a play.

Although everyone undoubtedly plays the leading role in their own drama, the nature of that
drama varies from person to person.

On the grand stage of life, there are comedies and tragedies, inspirational films and decadent films,
short films with novel plots and melodramatic soap operas.

But none of these matter.

What matters is whether the role we play is the one we truly want to play.

/ 00.

Those who know me well know that I am a huge fan of Dayo Wong.

I won't go into how excellent his stand-up comedy is here. According to him, he has acted in dozens of films and
received a Best Supporting Actor nomination, but very few of them have left a deep impression, almost none.

However, every TVB drama he starred in was a hit. His

most popular dramas, such as "War of the Genders," "Detective Investigation Files," and "The King of Snooker," all follow
the fixed pattern of bickering lovers eventually getting married.

Admittedly, this so-called "bickering lovers" pattern is indeed very clichéd and extremely old-fashioned. However,
no matter how clichéd or old-fashioned something is, if done to perfection, it can still be appealing.

In fact, the "bickering lovers" trope is quite common in real life, especially in
younger relationships.

But I really didn't expect to encounter such a ridiculous and melodramatic situation at the age of thirty
.

Sometimes I can't help but wonder, am I born with this gene for being attracted to conflict,
or another subtle influence from Dayo Wong?

Probably a little bit of both, more or less.

/ 01. If only life were like our first meeting

. In the late autumn or early winter of that year, I started working at a small company through an acquaintance's introduction.

In the cramped office of about ten square meters, there were only Xiaoyu and me. Apart from a hateful webcam,
we were truly a lone man and woman.

When we first met, she was dressed very professionally: straight trousers, a buttoned blazer, and
her long hair styled in a bun—she should have given off a clean and efficient impression. But her eyes, burdened by severe dark circles, held a strange
melancholy and helplessness; and her lips were downturned into a pronounced curve.

Anyone could tell at a glance that she was unhappy.

Even with this expression overflowing with resentment, I must admit that her beauty still gave me a
brief moment of dizziness.

But that was all.

In my life, the only thing that can truly captivate me is a genuine, sweet smile. No matter how beautiful
a woman is, if she can't smile, she's less than a vase to me.

Because of this unpleasant first impression, for the first two months, I found her utterly
unappealing . On the contrary, through daily work interactions, I discovered she was even more repulsive than I had imagined.

At that time, I truly couldn't have imagined that one day I would fall in love with this woman, and even love her to
the point of obsession. This is probably what they call destiny, an inescapable fate, or even a
belated retribution.

It's necessary to explain why I found Xiaoyu so repulsive back then.

First, she was nine years younger than me, only twenty-one or twenty-two years old, a mere vocational school graduate, having never even taken
the college entrance exam . The age difference was huge, and our educational levels were vastly different. In my eyes at the time,
she was simply a complete brat—immature, superficial, self-righteous, and most importantly, her
worldview and values were completely opposite to mine.

Second, she was so hypocritical that she was completely unaware of it.

Third, she was almost shamelessly greedy for small gains, capable of doing anything incredibly embarrassing for the slightest benefit.

Finally, she was extremely self-centered, never considering the feelings of others—a very typical post-90s generation.

Of course, if I were a lolicon, I probably wouldn't find her so detestable. But unfortunately,
I've always been hopelessly attracted to older women.

Besides, I'm also a foul-mouthed, uncontrollable, and utterly unforgiving womanizer.

As you can imagine, facing her daily at close range, I could
n't help but unleash sarcastic remarks and insults, often interspersed with common swear words like "fuck you."

Such near-personal attacks are unbearable for anyone, let alone a young girl like Xiaoyu.

Worse still, in terms of breadth of knowledge, reaction speed, vocabulary, and even the boldness of her language,
she had absolutely no chance of winning a verbal battle against me.

As a result, with nowhere else to vent her frustration, she resorted to violence.

Because I'm much older than her, Xiaoyu's initial attitude towards me was at least somewhat respectful; back then,
she would even call me "Brother Lan," which gave me goosebumps.

Other colleagues, upon hearing this, teased her, saying, "You look older than Brother Lan."

Because I was such a failure, I quit drinking and gambling, stopped smoking, maintained a good physique, and shaved my stubble as clean as possible
every day . Finally, as a seasoned homebody, my skin
was even fairer than many women's.

I admit, I don't look like most men in their thirties, and since I usually apply for
low-level jobs, people often ask if I'm a recent college graduate.

In contrast, Xiaoyu, with her unusually dark circles and perpetually sour face, does give the
impression of being older than me.

But regardless, being called "Brother Lan" by a girl I utterly despise
is .

Finally, one day I couldn't take it anymore and complained to her: "Sister Yu, please stop calling me Brother Lan!
It's so cheesy! If you don't want to call me A-Lan, just call me Jian Lan, or Jianren Lan,
that's my real name!"

Xiaoyu, who has never had any knowledge of modern sociology, clearly had never encountered
someone as shameless as me, so proud, so self-righteous, and so unfazed by my self-degradation. For a moment, she was so shocked that she didn't
know how to react, and could only keep smiling foolishly.

I think it's very likely that the shock of that incident completely changed her opinion of me, which
led to later violent actions.

/ 02. The Violent Woman

Xiaoyu's violent actions began with the New Year's Eve dinner that year.

The boss was stingy, the dishes were completely inappropriate for the occasion, and the prizes for the raffle were ridiculously boring.

After finally getting through the insincere New Year's Eve dinner, seeing that the boss had no intention of having
a sequel, the colleagues dispersed in twos and threes, some of whom, being close friends, went to organize their own entertainment.

During that time, Xiaoyu frequently frequented nightclubs. According to her later explanation, she was dragged there by her friends, and that
she didn't actually like going.

I didn't comment on this, only looking at her dark circles and eye bags, and smiled darkly without saying a word.

A few days ago, when she celebrated her birthday, she invited all sorts of shady characters, spending most of her month's salary,
but I was the only one who didn't go. Firstly, I personally dislike going to nightclubs; secondly, I'm generally
indifferent to people I don't care about, and even less inclined to give gifts; thirdly, my birthday is in two days, and
I don't want to throw some boring party to repay favors.

Perhaps for this reason, Xiaoyu disliked me even more than usual.

So, that night, at her and her group of girlfriends' urging, I impulsively treated
them to karaoke. But honestly, a large part of the reason was because I was provoked by my boss's stinginess.

As a lowly employee with a limited salary and a tight budget, I thought I had done more than enough by treating these
so-called to an activity I didn't even like. Who knew they would make a
flurry of phone calls and bring over a whole bunch of hunky guys.

Seeing the small room become a medium-sized room, the budget increased significantly, and realizing I'd clearly become someone else's stepping stone, a
complete idiot, I immediately adopted a shameless attitude and declared I'd only pay for the room and not the alcohol.

Predictably, that night wasn't enjoyable. During the night, Xiaoyu, drunk and aggressive, repeatedly
attacked me from a distance with various objects.

And this was the beginning of all her violence.

Previously, our meetings were limited to the office, where I couldn't be too unrestrained. But once we moved to a
karaoke room, and with the added influence of alcohol, her true colors were revealed.

Yes, this girl was a complete violent maniac.

Once someone reveals their true colors, they won't pretend anymore; at least, she wouldn't in front of me.

After that night, whenever I dared to say anything offensive to her, Xiaoyu would unhesitatingly pick up anything within reach
and throw it at me, even anything potentially lethal. For a while, I often helplessly said
the following: "Xiaoyu, I feel like I'll die at your hands one day." Little did

I know, my words would come true.

When she first resorted to ranged violence, I, bound by the tradition of a gentleman not fighting with a woman, always simply dodged,
occasionally throwing a small, harmless object or two back. But soon, she escalated her actions to flicking
my ears and pinching my arms. At this point, I obviously couldn't play the gentleman anymore, and a naked hand-to-hand combat
ensued.

At first, it was barely a childish game for elementary school students, but it gradually became somewhat inappropriate for children.

Because I was so annoyed, I warned her beforehand that if she continued this, I would spank her.

But Xiaoyu is the kind of person who won't give up until she's completely overwhelmed,
exhibiting thick-skinned syndrome.

There was no way around it; true to my word, I finally spanked her.

Since it was just a quick, light tap, and given Xiaoyu's unremarkable figure, I
felt absolutely no pleasure from it.

However, the reason I risked being accused of indecent assault to do this wasn't to take advantage of her.

I had originally expected that this bold and shameless warning would make her realize that if the fight continued,
the woman would ultimately suffer. I naively thought that Xiaoyu, who always claimed to be very traditional, would be intimidated by me and thus stop her
pointless violent behavior.

But instead, she not only didn't stop, but also clamored for revenge.

During that period, this indecent drama played out almost daily in our cramped office.

The company was too small, and rumors gradually spread. Although I personally never cared about other people's opinions, Xiaoyu
unexpectedly became hesitant.

Once I teased her, "What's wrong? Where did your shamelessness go?"

She retorted angrily, "You're still laughing! Now people think we're having an affair!"

I said nonchalantly, "What people think is their business. Me, having an affair with you? Unless all the women in the world
die."

She retorted, "Even if all the men in the world died, I still wouldn't be interested in you!"

I wasn't going to back down, "If you were willing to pay me billions, I might consider it."

She snorted, "Even if you gave me a hundred billion, I wouldn't consider it."

I laughed, "If I had a hundred billion, even a super Ultraman like you
wouldn't have the chance to say a word to me!"

Because I often found that she seemed completely ignorant about things that even elementary school students knew, I thought she
was incredibly out of touch, so I started calling her Ultraman. And every time I called her that, she would immediately
go berserk .

This time was no exception—

"Hey! You dare throw a clothes hanger?! Are you trying to kill someone?!"

"You deserve it!"

/ 03. Dreams, Before Love

F. Scott Fitzgerald said in his masterpiece *The Great Gatsby*, "Whenever you feel like looking down on someone
, you'd better remember that everyone has not had the advantages that you have had."

Frankly, I've never felt that my upbringing was particularly superior; on the contrary, I have many painful and unbearable memories
of that period.

However, compared to children in remote areas, I was exposed to far
more chaotic and unpleasant things. This doesn't mean I was happier than them, nor does it mean I was superior. Under normal circumstances, my
overwhelming self-awareness would allow me to remain completely silent about their naivety.

I know that difficulty in communication is one thing, intentionally hurting someone is another.

But back then, I repeatedly and cruelly hurt Xiaoyu's self-esteem.

Although I did find her extremely annoying at the time, there are plenty of annoying people in the world, and I
've never been one to cause trouble. Ultimately, she was undoubtedly different from others in my heart from the very beginning.

I judged at first glance that this girl was a fairy, and
she would definitely find a penniless, old, and disgusting man like me repulsive. So, rather than inviting trouble, I decided to draw a clear line first.

This was my usual self-preservation tactic.

Ironically, this overly aggressive defensive tactic completely deviated from my strategic goals.
Not only did I fail to draw a clear line with her, but I also fell into this bottomless
pit in an extremely bizarre way.

In this fiery pit called Xiaoyu, I was powerless to save myself, only sinking deeper and deeper.

*

As Xiaoyu's various acts of violence against me escalated, I began to dream about her.

It wasn't because I wanted to dream of her that I dreamed of her; on the contrary, it was precisely because she annoyed me so much
that I wanted to that even in my dreams I couldn't escape her clutches.

That's how it should be.

But in my dreams, she often looks at me quietly with a sweet smile that could never appear in reality.

Gentle, serene,

reserved, and enchanting.

I'm captivated by Xiaoyu in my dreams, sometimes even unable to resist pulling her soft body into my arms,
tenderly caressing her. And she, with slightly parted red lips, moaning softly, her eyes hazy, is at my mercy.

Such a pure dream and the unbearable reality form a stark contrast. Every time I wake up in the middle of the night,
I let out a long sigh.

In my past life, whenever I realized I had fallen in love with someone, she would first appear in my
dreams . So, I vaguely sensed that, without realizing it, I might have already fallen deeply in
love with Xiaoyu.

When we first met, I mistakenly thought Xiaoyu was a boring woman who didn't know how to laugh. But later, after I indirectly helped
her resolve a long-standing work-related issue, I noticed she started smiling more often.

Occasionally, I would even see a sweet smile on her face, just like the one in my dreams.

Each fleeting glimmer of light gave me a mesmerizing, otherworldly feeling. Driven by
a desire to chase this addictive, hazy pleasure, my gaze lingered on her for longer and longer periods,
like an addiction.

I remember once half-jokingly telling her: "It's
easy Just glance back casually. If they're looking at you, and then
glance back again after a while, and they're still looking at you, and then glance back again after a while, and they're
still looking at you, then they definitely like you. "

Unexpectedly, I soon demonstrated this to her time and time again…

I suspect she had vaguely received the filthy signals from this "toad." To test
the strength of these signals, I reached out my groping hand.

It was early summer, mid-April, and the south was already getting hot.

Xiaoyu wore a short skirt that day, her thighs half-exposed, her calves completely bare, making it hard not to have impure thoughts.
Taking advantage of our daily playful roughhousing, I shamelessly sneakily touched her calves.

The smooth texture was irresistible, making me want to touch them again and again. Luckily, it was only her calves; she only lightly slapped
me a few times and that was it.

But in the following days, I sneakily touched her thighs. Although she resisted, because we were used
to our playful roughhousing, her usual resistance was barely noticeable.

Later, my attacks on her buttocks became light, gentle caresses, and her reaction remained
subdued… or perhaps she thought it was intense, but I couldn't feel it at all.

At that time, I couldn't tell whether it was tacit consent or some kind of helplessness.

Gradually, I even began to have a kind of illusion, thinking it was an ambiguous understanding between us.

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