A joke, hopefully it will make you laugh, folks. (From New Police Story)

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-24

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The Unlucky New Cop---Rumoredly the Most Popular Joke in Beijing

The Unlucky New Cop---Rumoredly the Most Popular Joke in Beijing Having
just started his week on the job and donned his police uniform, Xiao Wu decided to treat himself to a movie at the theater.
The ticket line was long, and Xiao Wu sighed and joined the end.
"A new cop, huh?" someone next to him asked. Xiao Wu was puzzled: "How did you know?
" "Well, old cops never queue for tickets." "Oh." Xiao Wu understood,
walked straight to the ticket window, handed over his money, and said, "I'd like a ticket."
"A new cop, huh?" the person at the window laughed. "How did you know?"
"Old cops never pay for tickets, just go in, no one will stop you."
"Oh." Xiao Wu learned something new, tried it, and sure enough, no one stopped him.
Inside the theater, Xiao Wu went downstairs and found a seat. Before he'd even settled in,
someone next to him asked, "A new cop, huh?" "That's really strange," Xiao Wu thought to himself,
but stubbornly insisted, "Who said that!" "The veteran police officers are all upstairs watching the movie;
downstairs are all new cops like you." Xiao Wu went upstairs and,
sure enough, there were quite a few police officers there. Xiao Wu chose a seat,
and soon the movie started. A policeman next to him turned and glanced at him, coldly saying,
"New cop, huh?" "How can you tell I'm a new cop?" "
Veteran police officers don't sit so formally watching movies like you; they sit like this."
Xiao Wu imitated the veteran policeman, putting his legs up and resting them on the necks of the people in front of him. It
was indeed much more comfortable, and
he felt more like a policeman. Halfway through the movie, Xiao Wu felt the urge to urinate and
rushed to the restroom. At the restroom door, a staff member stopped him:
"New cop, huh?" Xiao Wu was still puzzled: "I don't have it written on my forehead, how did you know?"
"No policeman comes here; everyone else urinates from upstairs downstairs. You're obviously a new cop. " Xiao Wu felt incredibly ashamed; he had almost embarrassed the police. He stood on the edge of the second floor and
sprayed some urine downstairs… “Hey, is that a new cop peeing upstairs?”
someone suddenly shouted from downstairs. “…” Xiao Wu leaned down to look.
“What are you looking at? Old cops pee all over the place, unlike you, a new cop, who just poured it all over my head!” “…￥＃．＊＆…”
Feeling depressed, Xiao Wu found a prostitute on the street for some comfort.
After some groping, the prostitute asked, “New cop, huh?”
Xiao Wu was a little dizzy. “What’s wrong?”
“Old cops aren’t this polite; they all force themselves on you.”
After finishing with the prostitute, Xiao Wu decided not to embarrass the police anymore. He didn’t pay the prostitute’s fee or the bar fee, and swaggered out.
The owner turned around and looked at him, saying, “New cop, huh?” Xiao Wu was about to collapse completely, grabbing the owner’s neck and asking, “How could you tell?” "
Boss: 'Those old cops not only get to play for free, but they also collect protection money when they leave!' Xiao Wu thought: 'Damn!! A new cop is still a cop!' So he said to the boss: 'Give me the protection money!!!' The boss said: 'A new cop, right?'
Xiao Wu: ......
Boss: 'The old cops always have us deliver the money to their door, they never come to collect it themselves.'"
Feeling humiliated by the karaoke bar owner, Xiao Wu decided to use his police authority to embarrass the owner.
Hearing the boisterous sounds coming from next door, Xiao Wu kicked open the closed door and shouted at a naked couple inside, "Don't move! I'm a cop!" The woman lazily sat up, put her arm around the man, and glanced at Xiao Wu sideways, saying, "New cop, huh?"
The man replied, "He's a new cop."
Xiao Wu then demanded of the couple, "How do you know I'm a new cop?"
The woman sneered and pointed at the man beside her, saying, "What veteran cop doesn't know their chief?"
Upon hearing "chief," Xiao Wu turned and ran, bumping into someone as he exited. Seeing it was a well-dressed gentleman, he quickly apologized.
The man smiled and said, "New cop, huh?" Xiao Wu was furious: "You know too?"
"I'm the manager here. Every veteran cop knows me!"
Xiao Wu hurriedly fled the karaoke bar. Outside, he saw someone prying open a bicycle under a streetlamp.
He ran over, grabbed the man, and tried to take him back to the police station. The man glanced at him and said, "New cop, huh?" "
No!! Come back with me!" "No, old cops don't care about this..."
"So what if you're a new cop? New cops, new image!" "Ha, I heard that when your chief was still a new cop."
Xiao Wu drove the police car straight to his friend's house, speeding along, feeling quite pleased with himself. As he turned a corner, a person riding a bicycle suddenly appeared from the shadows. Xiao Wu couldn't brake in time, and with a "bang," the bicycle and the person flew off. Xiao Wu hurriedly got off the car and went over to look. Blood was gushing from the person's leg, and there was already a large pool of blood on the ground. Without saying a word, Xiao Wu picked up the person and carried him back to the car. The person groaned and asked Xiao Wu, "Comrade, a new cop, right?" Xiao Wu wondered: Why is everyone asking me if I'm a new cop today? Am I cursed today? The man groaned and continued, "The old cop didn't care what he hit, he just pulled up his siren and drove off. Unlike you, who stopped to check on me, now I'm in so much pain..." Before he could finish, he fainted.
Xiao Wu, bored at home, went to a youth forum; reading posts, he casually registered an ID called "Riverside."
007 came over and asked, "New cop, huh?"
Xiao Wu panicked. Everyone says no one on the internet knows you're a scoundrel, how could 007 tell the difference between a new and old cop?
He quickly posted, "How did you know?"
007 replied, "Old cops come here as undercover agents, their IDs at least have to be something like 'Riverside'."
Xiao Wu resolved to turn over a new leaf and vowed to become a veteran cop.
One day, he passed a cigarette stand, went up to the vendor and said, "I'll take these two cartons of 'Chunghwa' cigarettes," and picked them up.
The vendor looked at them, smiled, and said, "New cop, huh?" Xiao Wu said, "Damn it, how did you know?"
The cigarette vendor said, "The old cops never take cigarettes from the stalls; they all know they're fake." The old cops always said, "Give me two cartons of Zhonghua cigarettes." Xiao
Wu, still holding the cigarettes, left the cigarette stall, thinking that smoking them was a waste, and might as well find a place to exchange them for some money. So he went to a tobacco shop called "June Alliance.
" "Boss, come and return these two cartons."
"How much do you want?"
Xiao Wu thought for a moment, determined not to let him know he was a new cop.
"One thousand yuan a carton."
Xiao Wu put down the cigarette, took the money, and left. The boss said, "You're a new cop, aren't you? Old cops always take the money and leave no cigarette."

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