Hilarious pornographic text messages!

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-24

1. A nun went to the hospital for an ultrasound, and a careless nurse gave her a pregnant woman's test results. After looking at them, the nun sighed and said, "These days, even carrots can't be trusted."

2. Two sea turtles made love on the beach and agreed to meet again the following year. The following year, the male turtle arrived early at the beach and found the female turtle already there. The female turtle yelled at the male turtle, "You didn't even turn me over after you were done! I've been sunbathing for a year!"

3. A hunter hunted a bear but failed. To save his life, he submitted to the bear and was humiliated. The next day, to avenge himself, he went hunting again with better tools, but still failed and was humiliated again. After several attempts, when he went hunting again in the mountains, the bear smiled bitterly and said, "Are you a hunter or a prostitute?"

4. A man was driving an Alto when a Mercedes overtook him. The Mercedes driver yelled, "Hey buddy, have you ever driven a Mercedes?" and sped off. The Alto driver, not to be outdone, overtook the Mercedes. Soon after, the Mercedes overtook him again, and the driver yelled, "Hey buddy, have you ever driven a Mercedes?" and sped off. Alto had to admit defeat. Not long after, a car accident occurred ahead. The Alto driver watched the commotion, while the Mercedes driver lay on the ground, groaning and asking: "Hey buddy, have you ever driven a Mercedes? Where are the brakes?"

5. A couple was arguing. The husband, in a fit of anger, said, "Chairman Mao said political power grows out of the barrel of a gun. I have guns and cannons, so I should be in charge!" The wife replied, "I'll fight you in a tunnel war..."

6. One day, Bush, Jiang Zemin, and Koizumi were chatting on a passenger plane. They discussed how to deal with Bin Laden. Bush said, "Let's use three missiles to kill him." Koizumi said, "Let's use three beautiful women to assassinate him." Jiang Zemin said, "Let's use three representatives to annoy him to death!"

7. Here's a psychological test: You race a tiger. A. You'll run faster than it. B. You'll run as fast as it. C. You'll run slower than it. Think it through and see the answer: A. You're more insecure than someone with an inferiority complex. B. You're as insecure as someone with an inferiority complex. C. You're even less insecure than someone with an inferiority complex

. 8. The men's and women's restrooms in the school are next to each other. A girl forgot her toilet paper and was at a loss when she suddenly heard a voice from the next stall asking, "Who is it?" A deep, powerful male voice replied, "A progressive person!"

9. The current state of virgins: Some are accidentally destroyed, some are ruined by criminals, some are lured by romance scammers, some go bankrupt through legal procedures, and some remain virgins after seeing through the illusions of the world.

10. I saw a penny on the roadside and was about to bend down to pick it up when I realized it was a glob of phlegm. Holy crap, who spat such a round coin?

11. Dad pointed at his three-year-old son and scolded, "Kid, if I had known you were so naughty, I should have held back my pleasure for three seconds and ejaculated on the wall."

12. In 1949, I was captured by the Japanese. They tortured me severely, but I couldn't confess. The next day, they used a honey trap, and I confessed. The third day, I wanted to confess again... ...Liberation!

13. Notice: According to State Council Document No. 206, to celebrate Beijing's successful bid for the Olympics, the Chinese Olympic Bid Committee has decided to change the sound of sex at night from "Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!" to "Om! Om! Om!" We hope the people of the whole country will support this!

14. A nurse saw a patient drinking in the ward and went over to whisper, "Careful liver!" The patient immediately came over to hug her, saying, "My little darling!..."

15. One day, a mother cried out in bed: "I want a man! I want a man!" The son was so scared that he ran back to his room. The next morning, the son found his mother lying in bed with a man. So he immediately ran back to his room, lay on the bed, and cried out: "I want a Transformer! I want a Transformer!"

16. I used Ericsson, sex was really powerful; I switched to Nokia, but I could only penetrate once or twice each time; I used Feilipu, but it was so painful; I used Samsung again, and I ejaculated as soon as I penetrated.

17. A couple was arguing, and the man said: "I can't win an argument with you! You have one mouth on top and one mouth on the bottom!" The woman said: I can't argue with you! You have a mouth on top, a microphone on the bottom, and two speakers!

18. A nun kept an eagle, which stole the monk's gourd, fork, and bucket. The monk was furious and plucked the eagle's feathers in a fit of anger. The nun was displeased: "If you want a gourd, I'll give you a gourd; if you want a fork, I'll give you a fork; if you want a bucket, I'll give you a bucket. Why did you pluck my eagle's feathers?!"

19. Remember that year during military training? The instructor told the students, "First row, count off!" You looked at the instructor in surprise. The instructor shouted again, "Count off!" So, you reluctantly turned around and hugged a tree!

20. One night, a naked man hailed a taxi. The female driver stared at him intently. The naked man got angry and said: "Haven't you ever seen a naked man before?!" The female driver also got angry: "I'm wondering where the hell you're going to get your money from!"
21. An old farmer took his sow to the veterinary station to ask the veterinarian to breed her. After examining the sow, the veterinarian said, "It seems artificial insemination is necessary. What do you think?" The old farmer hesitated for a long time, and finally mustered up the courage to say, "It's possible, but I'm afraid it will bite me."

22. One day, a man hired a prostitute and asked the price. The woman answered 50. The man thought it was cheap and did it. Afterwards, the woman asked for 100. The man asked why. The woman replied, "50 for in and out." The man angrily said, "Damn it, do you think you're China Unicom? Charging double!"

23. There was a female swimming teacher. One day, she took her students swimming. To show off her figure, she specially wore a very tight and narrow swimsuit. When it was time to get into the water, a student suddenly pointed to something and asked, "Teacher, what is that black thing?" She looked at it, endured the pain, pulled it out, and said, "A thread."

24. One day, an old farmer went to the city to hire a prostitute. The old farmer asked the prostitute the price. The woman glanced at the old farmer and replied, "100 for the grass, 200 for the stool, 500 for the bed." No sooner had she finished speaking than the old farmer placed 500 yuan on the table. The woman happily picked up the money and said, "You have such good taste!" The old farmer said, "What taste! (The following is a separate, unrelated anecdote):

A customer was negotiating prices with a prostitute. The man asked, "What's the price?" The woman replied, "100 yuan, I'm not that kind of person; 200 yuan, tonight I'm yours; 300 yuan, tonight don't treat me like a human; 400 yuan, how many people are coming tonight; 500 yuan, I don't care if you come or not!"

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Hilarious pornographic text messages!

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