Wife's Desire, a City of Desire - Chapter Ninety-Nine: This Hatred Will Never End

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During my second year of graduate school, I remember it was a few days before National Day when my class monitor, Sun Qingpeng, and Teng Xiangling suddenly appeared in front of me.
I was both surprised and delighted to see them suddenly appear. They all had short, buzz-cut hair, and their faces were tanned from the intense ultraviolet rays of the high altitude. They had all lost a lot of weight, but looked even more capable. Teng Xiangling seemed to have lost the aloofness he had during his school days, becoming more easygoing. Zhong Lixin and I were overjoyed, of course, and specially found a nice restaurant to welcome them. That day, the four of us gathered together, drinking and chatting happily.
During lunch, Zhong Lixin and I sat together, while the squad leader and Teng Xiangling sat together. My sister and I listened attentively as they recounted their experiences in the army. They weren't assigned to the same unit; instead, they each interned at a radar monitoring station. After completing his internship, the squad leader was promoted to lieutenant (company commander rank) for his outstanding performance. Teng Xiangling also performed well and was promoted to lieutenant (deputy company commander rank). I joked that after Zhong Lixin and I graduated with our master's degrees and joined the army, we would definitely strive to be promoted to captain (deputy battalion commander rank). I hoped they would work hard, and then the four of us could have a competition to see who could reach the highest rank.
They both stood up generously, raised their glasses to wish Zhong Lixin and me academic success, and that after graduation we would join the army and strive to be awarded higher ranks than them, so we could humiliate them properly. We had a really good time that day. Zhong Lixin and I also abandoned our girlish reserve and shyness, raising our glasses and drinking heartily with them, becoming incredibly unrestrained.
After dinner, the two of them stayed at a local hotel. For three days in a row, the four of us stayed together, chatting and laughing. I think those were probably the happiest days of my life. On the second day of National Day, Teng Xiangling took Zhong Lixin back to his hometown. They had probably already made their relationship official.
Neither the class monitor nor I went back to our parents' homes. We spent all our time together, traveling and sightseeing in cities around Changsha. On our first night, we stayed in separate rooms, strictly adhering to the traditional separation between men and women. Neither of us had the courage to confess our feelings to the other, but a tacit understanding and affection were unintentionally revealed.
On the second day of our trip, in Changde, I remember the class monitor shared a standard room with a stranger, while I had a separate room to myself. After dinner, the class monitor came to my room and finally confessed his feelings—he wanted to officially establish a romantic relationship with me. Actually, we had been very compatible these past few days, always holding hands while traveling together. To others, we looked like a couple.
When the class monitor expressed his feelings, I shyly nodded in agreement. Overjoyed, he pulled me into his arms and showered me with kisses, which I reciprocated. Perhaps my attitude encouraged him, because in a moment of excitement, he wanted to have sex with me. This terrified me; I was very unhappy because it went against my long-held views on marriage and sex.
I've always believed that we should only do *that* after we've registered our marriage; it's absolutely forbidden before marriage. I firmly believe that I, wearing my pure white wedding dress, should still be a virgin, only then can I do justice to the dress's whiteness.
I told him my thoughts, and he seemed a little upset, but still promised not to offend me again. Although I felt a little guilty, I was also very proud. I foolishly thought that I was very decisive and that I was able to remain rational and clear-headed in the face of passion, and that I had protected my virginity.
On the third day, we went to Zhangjiajie for sightseeing. That evening, while we were being intimate in my hotel room, he couldn't help but bring up the idea of having sex again. I patiently tried to persuade him to respect my wishes and not be driven by lust, but this time he refused. He said he doubted that I loved him at all.
I asked him if I had to prove my love for him by having sex with him, and he lowered his head and remained silent. Seeing his pitiful state made my heart ache, but I didn't want to go against my original intention, so I discussed it with him and came up with a compromise, which was actually not a solution at all—oral sex.
I admit that during my undergraduate studies at the National University of Defense Technology, the school was very strict with student management, but the management of graduate students was somewhat lax. We graduate students shared rooms, and my roommate had secretly gotten a boyfriend, even mysteriously leaving early and returning late. One day, she came home very late, and the next day I tricked her into revealing the truth about her lateness.
We were classmates and lived in the same room, so our relationship was naturally quite close. Surprisingly, she admitted without any shame that she was late because she and her boyfriend had booked a hotel room and they had had sex. From then on, she made no attempt to hide anything from me. One day, she was playing a bunch of European and American porn on her laptop, and she insisted on watching it with me. There was even a scene of a woman performing oral sex on a man. I was incredibly embarrassed, but I also learned that men and women could have sex like that.
That day, I suggested this compromise to the class monitor, and he agreed. I let him take a shower in my room, and I specifically told him to wash it clean. He was both surprised and delighted when he did so.
My first experience with oral sex wasn't pleasant, and the man's penis was extremely ugly; I almost threw up after a few tries. The class monitor saw I was in pain and stopped, asking me with concern how I was doing, saying that if it didn't work, we could just have sex. At that point, I felt I'd been deceived by porn, so I wasn't in the mood for sex anymore. We lay down fully clothed, embracing each other. A short while later, the class monitor made that request again, saying I wasn't comfortable with oral sex and that we should just have sex. He said he loved me and would definitely marry me.
How could I agree to his rude request? I insisted on my point of view. After some arguing, we still tried oral sex. This time, to avoid future problems, I endured the disgust and did it with him. Unexpectedly, after a while, I actually felt a certain pleasure, and then I realized that the scene in the porn might be real. My willpower is strong, and my stamina is good; the class monitor finally got his wish and achieved pleasure. At the moment he ejaculated, he intentionally pulled out and ejaculated on the ground.
On the fourth night, we, having tasted the forbidden fruit, tried oral sex again. In his excitement, the class monitor grabbed my head and thrust hard, almost suffocating me. He made me cry, I cried so hard. The class monitor knew he had made a big mistake, and he hugged me, begging for my forgiveness. He finally managed to calm me down.
On the fifth day, we returned to Changsha, and he was also going back to his unit. That evening, I went to the station to see him off. When we hugged, he expressed his deepest regret—that we had never actually been intimate. Actually, many boys and girls our age had already done it many times; I was indeed too conservative.
I promised him that if he came to see me again, I might change my mind. And so, we parted reluctantly at the station. Watching the train carrying him slowly disappear into the distance, my heart was heavy with sorrow. I suddenly felt so foolish; I hadn't known how to give my heart to the one I loved. I was so sorry to him. Next time, next time I will definitely make him happy, because I truly love him.
However, fate played a cruel trick on me. One day in December, I suddenly saw Teng Xiangling, who looked haggard, and Zhong Lixin, whose eyes were red and swollen from crying, come to me. They told me some terrible news in person—the squad leader had died in an accident while trying to save his comrades.

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Wife's Desire, a City of Desire - Chapter Ninety-Nine: This Hatred Will Never End

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