Let's look at some classic dirty jokes.

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-24

Watching too many pornographic films, "Here are some classic dirty jokes for everyone."
A super classic dirty joke:

The emperor saw his concubine looking worried and urgently summoned the imperial physician. The physician prescribed: eight strong men. A few days later, the emperor went to tour the palace. He saw his concubine looking radiant and was overjoyed. Suddenly, he saw eight thin men standing in front of the palace and asked in surprise: Who are they? The imperial physician replied: "The dregs of the medicine!" Another story
: A couple was having sex. After the man entered, he lay on top of the woman without moving and gently said: "We're connected now." The woman was a little unhappy, so the man attacked violently. The woman shouted loudly: "Mobile is better than Unicom!" :)

Eight things you shouldn't do: Don't drink when the leader offers you a toast; don't touch the leader's mistress first; don't ride in the car while the leader walks; don't ramble when the leader speaks; don't gossip about the leader's private affairs; don't undress first when the leader takes a bath; don't turn the table when the leader picks up food; don't win the lottery when the leader is ready to win.
A white rabbit raped a gray wolf and ran away. The wolf angrily chased after it. The rabbit smeared itself with dirt to disguise itself as a gray rabbit, wore glasses, and read a newspaper. The wolf asked: "Have you seen a white rabbit?" The rabbit: "Is it the white rabbit that raped the wolf?" Wolf Shame: Holy crap, it's already in the newspaper?
On the street, a pretty lady said to me: "One hundred yuan and I'm not the kind of person you think I am; two hundred yuan and tonight I'm yours; three hundred yuan and tonight don't treat me like a human being; four hundred yuan and I'll ask you how many people you're bringing tonight; five hundred yuan and I don't care if you're bringing people or not!"
Dear Benefactor: Hello! We are the Tibetan Buddhist Council. When you received this text message, we deducted *** donation from your phone bill. To thank you, our council bestows upon you the supreme Dharma name—Intellectual Disability.
Cao Cao met Jiang Gan, and Jiang Gan politely asked, "Cao, how's your mother?" Cao Cao fainted upon hearing this. The next day, the two met again. Cao Cao greeted them first: "Damn, how's your whole family?" The baby fainted.
In the delivery room, a baby was born laughing loudly. The nurses were very strange and gathered around to observe. They found the baby's fists were clenched. When they pried them open, they found a birth control pill. The baby laughed and said, "You want to kill me? No way!"
A farmer was being prostituted. The prostitute said, "Ten yuan for the grass, twenty yuan for the chair, fifty yuan for the bed." The farmer threw down fifty yuan, and the prostitute laughed: "Sir, you're very romantic!" The farmer said: "Romantic my ass, fifty yuan, five times on the grass."
A woman couldn't get married because of her small breasts. One day, on a blind date, she said to the man, "My breasts are small, do you mind?" The man said, "Are they as big as steamed buns?" The woman said yes! On their wedding night, the man rushed out of the bridal chamber, knelt down, and cried out to the heavens, "Heavens

!" The emperor, seeing his concubine looking worried, urgently summoned the imperial physician. The physician prescribed: eight strong men. A few days later, the emperor went on a tour of the palace. Seeing his concubine radiant, he was overjoyed. Suddenly, he saw eight thin men standing before the palace and asked in surprise, "Who are you?" The imperial physician replied, "The dregs of the medicine!
" A couple was having sex. After the man entered, he lay on top of the woman without moving, gently saying, "We're connected now." The woman was somewhat displeased. The man then thrust violently, and the woman shouted loudly, "Mobile is better than Unicom!" :)

Eight things you shouldn't do: Don't drink when the boss offers you a toast; don't touch the boss's mistress first; don't ride in the car while the boss walks; don't ramble on when the boss speaks; don't gossip about the boss's private affairs; don't undress before the boss takes a shower; don't turn the table when the boss picks up food;
don't win at mahjong by taking the winning tile yourself. A white rabbit rapes a gray wolf and escapes. The wolf, enraged, chases after it. The rabbit smears itself with dirt to disguise itself as a gray rabbit, wears glasses, and reads a newspaper. The wolf asks: "Have you seen a white rabbit?" The rabbit replies: "Is it the white rabbit that raped the wolf?" The wolf, embarrassed: "Damn, it's already in the newspaper?"
On the street, a pretty young lady says to me: "One hundred yuan and I'm not the kind of person you think I am; two hundred yuan and tonight I'm yours; three hundred yuan and tonight don't treat me like a human being; four hundred yuan and I'll ask you how many people you're bringing tonight; five hundred yuan and I don't care if you're bringing people or not!" "
Benefactor: Hello! We are the Tibetan Buddhist Council. We have already deducted *** donation from your phone bill when you received this text message. In gratitude, our council bestows upon you the supreme Dharma name—Intellectual Disability.
Cao Cao met Jiang Gan, and Jiang Gan politely asked, 'Cao, how is your mother?' Cao Cao fainted upon hearing this. The next day, they met again, and Cao Cao greeted him first: 'Gan, how is your whole family?' Gan fainted.
A baby was born in the delivery room and laughed loudly. The nurses were very curious and gathered around to observe. They found the baby's fists were clenched. Upon opening them, they found a birth control pill. The baby laughed and said, 'You want to kill me? No way!' A farmer was being prostituted.
The prostitute said, 'Ten yuan for a time on the grass, twenty yuan for a time on the chair, fifty yuan for a time on the bed.' The farmer threw out fifty yuan, and the prostitute laughed and said, 'Sir, you have such a romantic touch!' The farmer said, 'Romantic touch my ass, fifty yuan for five times on the grass.'
A woman couldn't get married because of her small breasts. One day, on a blind date, she said to the man, 'I have small breasts, do you mind?'" The man asked, "Is it as big as a steamed bun?" The woman said yes! On their wedding night, the man rushed out of the bridal chamber, knelt down, and cried out to the heavens, "Heavens! It's a Wangzai Little Steamed Bun!"

Question: Who is the most pitiful person in the world? Answer: The cook in the artillery company! Question: Why? Answer: Wearing a green hat, carrying the blame, and watching others fire cannons.
There is an old bear in the mountains, and you want to hunt it. In your first battle, you are defeated and raped by the bear, filled with shame and indignation. After resting for several days, you fight again and are defeated again, raped again. After recovering from your injuries, you go again, and the bear sees you and laughs wildly: "You xxxx, are you here to hunt or to sell your body?!"
Tomorrow you wake up to find a mosquito lying next to you on your pillow, and a suicide note beside you that reads: I struggled all night, but I couldn't pierce your face. Your skin is so thick that I have no face to live in this world! Lord, forgive him! I committed suicide.
A man took off his shirt to show his girlfriend his biceps, saying, "This is equivalent to 50 kilograms of explosives." Then he took off his pants, pointed to his thighs, and said, "This is equivalent to 100 kilograms of explosives." He then took off his underwear. His girlfriend ran out the door screaming, "My God! The fuse is so short!

" A beautiful woman urgently needed to urinate, so she relieved herself on the roadside grass. Finding no toilet paper, she used a leaf to wipe her genitals. The leaf had thorns, causing her great pain. The woman said to her genitals, "I eat meat all day, and I can't even stand eating vegetables today!"
A reporter interviewed 100 penguins about what they did all day. The first penguin said, "Eat, sleep, play with beans." The second penguin said, "Eat, sleep, play with beans." This continued for 99 penguins. When the 100th penguin said, "Eat, sleep," the reporter asked, "Why don't you play with beans?" The penguin replied, "I am the bean, you son of a bitch!"
An 8-year-old girl should be told a story to put her to sleep; an 18-year-old girl should be told a story to trick her into sleeping with you; a 28-year-old girl will automatically sleep with you without being told a story; and a 38-year-old girl will tell a story to trick you into sleeping with her.
A woman went into a sex shop and wanted to buy a vibrator. The shopkeeper said, "They are all up there, choose one yourself." After carefully selecting one, the woman said, "I want the red one!" The shopkeeper glanced at it and said, "Miss, that's a fire extinguisher!"
Exquisite and erotic couplets
(1) Su Xiaomei absolutely relieves her brother's worries .
Someone gave Su Dongpo a couplet:
The loofah on the trellis looks just like a hanging gourd
. Dongpo thought for a long time but couldn't come up with a matching line. He went home but still couldn't relax.
Xiaomei asked him why, and Dongpo told her. Xiaomei casually replied with the matching line:
The lotus in the pond looks just like a hole.
(2) The perfect couplet on the wedding night .
A 38-year-old man married a 25-year-old woman.
On their wedding night, they presented a perfect couplet.
The man gave the first line: One gun, two bullets, and has not participated in any battles for thirty-eight years;
the woman replied with the second line: One hole, two doors, and has never been entered for twenty-five years.
Horizontal scroll: Moonlit Pine (meaning the pine tree with the moon and sun)
(3) Cadres going to the countryside
: No milk to drink in the morning, no milk to touch at night
. Lower line: No ball to do during the day, no ball to do at night.
Horizontal scroll: Incomparable pain (compared to the homonym of acupuncture point)
(4) Comparison of past and present to create wonderful couplets
: Upper line: Remembering the past, red rice, pumpkin soup, one wife, a bunch of children.
The second line: Look at today, white rice, turtle soup, one child, a bunch of wives.
Horizontal scroll: Keeping pace with the times
(5) Two lawyers remarry and create a wonderful
couplet. The male and female lawyers remarry
. After entering the bridal chamber, the female lawyer asks for a couplet.
The first line: Attack on Pearl Harbor at night, the beauty is impregnated.
The male's reply: Two atomic bombs, Japan and Germany surrender.
Horizontal scroll: World War II
(6) Teacher and student continue the emperor's wonderful
couplet. The teacher's first line: The moon
sets. The student's reply: The sun rises.
The teacher's first line: The monk . The student's reply: The nun. The teacher
's first line: The green mountain. The student's reply: The white water. The teacher's first line: Go. The student's reply : Come. The couplet is completed. One thought: The moon sets, the monk goes, the green mountain goes, the sun rises, the nun comes, the white water comes (7) Older men and women cleverly match a couplet . An older man meets an older woman in the park. The man's first line: He has the strength of an ox, but no land to cultivate; The woman's reply: Two acres of good land are idle, waiting for someone to plow. Horizontal scroll: Waste is shameful (8) The brush cap and brush holder are cleverly linked . Upper line: The sun goes in and the water flows down . Lower line: When the waves rise, the feet are upside down (9) Four people continue the absolute couplet. One day, the four gentlemen sat idly and proposed to match couplets. A gave the couplet: "Gently kiss the beloved." B continued: "Silently touch the nanny." Then he continued: "Secretly seek the breasts." D also continued: "Hurry up and drink the chicken." (10) The nun and the monk . It is New Year. The monk put up a couplet on the door: Nothing to do during the day; nothing to do at night. Horizontal scroll: Extremely troubled. The nun also put up a couplet on the door: Empty during the day; empty at night. Horizontal scroll: Requests are answered. (11) Teacher and student couplet. The teacher gave the upper line: Big fish eat small fish, small fish eat shrimp, shrimp drink water, the truth comes out! The student answered the lower line: Master presses the master's wife, master's wife presses the bed, bed presses the ground, the earth shakes!

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