Sexual life of a 16-year-old girl

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A 16-year-old girl's sex life

? "Sex," at my age, in this era, I believe everyone is familiar with this word. I can't remember when I first encountered this kind of thing. I can't even remember how many men I've had sex with. I think I'm a slut, a cheap woman.

I don't know if it's because I'm precocious or because I'm inherently overly sensitive to this. Probably a very, very early time, I already knew about the opposite sex. This so-called understanding seems to refer to their organs. Thinking back, it was really early; I was only 5 years old. At that time, I only knew it was fun, two people pulling down their pants to entertain each other, but I didn't know that this was what "sex" meant.

I actually had sex with a boy when I was 15. I was still very naive then. Seeing my friends becoming "non-virgins" one by one, I started fantasizing, and even felt ashamed of being a virgin. I thought, "Is that all? It doesn't matter who I give it to. What era are we living in? Still pursuing this kind of thing? Pshaw, so old-fashioned!" "I put pressure on myself, always thinking that I would give my virginity to whoever asked me for it someday. With this thought in mind, one day I was no longer a virgin…

I didn't love him. For him, the love I needed was something he could never give me, because I was the kind of girl with very high standards. But back then, I didn't understand anything. I always thought I was terrible, that I had no right to choose others, and that it was an honor for someone to choose me, because I thought I was an 'ugly girl.' We met online. He said he loved me, and I told him a series of my flaws, but he still said, 'No matter what you are like, I will love you forever.' I wasn't moved by what he said; I just wanted someone to love me, haha. We had a very good conversation on the phone, and we talked about sex. I promised him I would give him my virginity." (In truth, I had made similar promises to many men before, but they all vanished after we met.) A few days later, we met. Upon seeing him, I knew he wasn't the man I was looking for. He was ugly, and looking back, I truly felt I hadn't deserved it. He had nothing that I admired: looks, manners, talents, height, clothing. No, nothing. He had small eyes, a face like the uneven surface of the moon, acne covering his entire face, short stature, and outdated clothes. Now, thinking back, it truly makes me feel that "ugliness" is a crime. But you know, this ugly man took my most precious thing! Thinking of him, I feel no attachment, no hatred, only regret for having given it to him. Even without him, I believe there would be others.

Thankfully, he was a good person. I met him twice, and we had sex twice, both times at his house, a spacious two-story duplex. Two days later, he went to study in another city. I was heartbroken; I hated my own stupidity. Ha! After he left, he kept in touch with me, our long-distance calls lasting several hours each time. During that time, I sent him many articles to express my longing for him. Three months later, when he returned, everything had changed. We had agreed to love each other well, but when I saw him again, the fear made me cry. For no other reason than that, I just thought he was "ugly," so ugly it made me want to vomit and made me sad. We broke up, and I could tell he was very sad; he cried. It was the first time I'd ever seen a man cry in front of me, but I felt nothing. I'd given him so much; I should be content! I can say with certainty that he loved me, always has, including now. But I know very clearly that I don't love him! Not even a little bit! (-_-! I remember that was also my first kiss.)

After that, I had similar relationships with countless guys, but I didn't love any of them. Every time it happened, I would disappear for a while afterward. We don't contact each other anymore. I'm not being cynical; I just think, if there's no love, why cling on? Actually, all I wanted was a relationship, a real relationship. With love and pain. Therefore, since they can't give me that, I don't want to continue this entanglement. Perhaps I don't know if doing this is right or wrong. For me, at least it's a kind of liberating release; for them, it's self-evident. I don't want to understand their feelings, knowing that from the beginning I was just playing around.

Perhaps because I've done too many bad things, I'll eventually be punished. I fell in love with someone, and he was just as he said—he was... My nemesis.

I have never respected or loved him before. For him, I gave up all my dignity; I truly loved him too humbly.

So many scarred memories have been a huge blow to me. But I still don't regret it, because at least I loved.

What is sex? What is love? I want to warn all young girls that "love is much more beautiful than sex. There's no need to do something you'll regret for the rest of your life because of a momentary impulse or curiosity. When you fully understand what love is, it's not too late for sex, but never treat it as a pastime. Don't become a promiscuous woman like me!"

Hehe, I'll tell you at the end of this article that I'm just a 16-year-old and 2-month-old girl; I'm still a child.

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Sexual life of a 16-year-old girl

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