"Get on Her Boat" - Chapter 119: As long as it's you, that's enough.

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-21 08:12:01

For a fleeting moment, Wanzi had the illusion that she could hear the low murmur of an air raid siren.
But it wasn't from his body; it was his tinnitus.
The person in front of her was indeed stunned, as if he couldn't understand her language.
His voice had become mechanical and hoarse, but only for a few seconds.
"It's okay... as long as we're still together—"
"No, Liang Jingming, you still don't understand."
Cut him off quickly and decisively, like a sharp blade slicing through flesh.
At this moment, she was the most rational butcher imaginable, searching for the heart amidst the flying blood and flesh.
Then I grabbed it tightly.
"I don't love you the same way as before. Actually, you're the one suffering the most."
"I watched a show at home today called 'The Spying Game,' which is about how a psychopath is formed. The show mentioned a point that the best punishment for psychopaths is not moral condemnation or legal sanctions, but to give them a conscience."
"Let them empathize with the victims' families, feel extreme regret and pain for their actions, but since they cannot rewrite history, they will be tormented by this feeling for the rest of their lives until they die."
"It's the same principle."
After a pause, Wan Zi's gaze shifted slightly, capturing his helpless look.
Another illusion arose; she seemed to be able to resonate with his breathing, making it involuntarily become more and more rapid.
“Liang Jingming, I know you are a very conscientious person, so not receiving your partner’s full love will hurt you deeply. It’s a wound that can never heal.”
"If we have serious arguments in the future, almost to the point of breaking up, you'll think that if you hadn't lied to me, our relationship wouldn't have cracked and we wouldn't have ended up like this; but if our relationship is smooth and harmonious in the future, you'll be even more miserable—"
"Because you know I could have loved you more, and you could have enjoyed the most perfect happiness."
"But you don't deserve it."
It was no longer an illusion; Liang Jingming was breathing heavily and trembling at a frequency visible to the naked eye.
He gritted his teeth, but his eyes shone with a terrifying light, like a small animal awakened by the pain of being dismembered, turning back to look at the butcher with utter terror—
However, the more they talked, the hotter their voices became. All the heart-wrenching arguments, all the anger of being deceived, misled, and manipulated returned. Wan Zi couldn't control her emotions rising and falling, and she held him down to continue her slaughter—
"It's like climbing a mountain. You're just one step away from the top, and you can see the finish line ahead, but you can never reach the top."
"You will always remember that you once possessed an equal, unconditional, and 100% love, the best emotion a stranger can give to another, and the most beautiful emotion a human being can receive, but you destroyed it with your own hands, and it can never be made up for."
"It's all your fault!"
She kept staring at him, but he wasn't even in her sights.
After a burst of bullets was fired at high speed and the smoke gradually dissipated, Wan Zi discovered Liang Jingming's tearful eyes in the embers.
But he endured it, to the point that his handsome face became somewhat distorted.
"Can you feel it?"
"This torment has already begun."
In fact, all his energy had been depleted.
Avoiding the light as if afraid of it, Wanzi looked at their hands, which were still clasped together.
It was no longer his decision; she was the one gripping it tightly.
Still stubbornly insisting, anxiously awaiting the inevitable regret.
She had no idea why she went from calm to losing control, why she blurted out all those things, or why she was so incredibly cruel.
All she knew was that water was dripping onto the back of her hand.
The rain has clearly stopped.
"I……"
He couldn't even utter a complete sentence, no matter how many times he tried to catch his breath. He hastily pulled his hand away and covered his face.
When he looked up again, he was so distraught that he was forced to let out a sob-laugh.
"I'm sorry... I really didn't want to cry this time."
Unless you really can't help it.
After all, she had once said that she would stare intently into his eyes.
Crying won't solve anything. Didn't your father teach you that before he passed away?
"Okay, actually..."
At this moment, Wan Zi couldn't look at his expression, let alone his eyes.
The atmosphere is like a piece of paper crumpled up in anger; no matter how hard you try to smooth it out, wrinkles are everywhere, and shadows still lurk.
"Actually, in daily interactions, you might not need that much love at all."
“My dad just told me that in the end, it doesn’t really matter who you’re with.”
"Maybe it really is like that... After dating for ten, twenty, or even decades, you won't kiss except when you're having sex. You might do it twice a week at most, and after that, you'll sit side by side on the headboard playing on your phones. There's no need for caresses, and you don't even need to talk. There's nothing dramatic about it. This is also a way of life, and it might not be unworkable."
She tried her best to make amends, but the stiffness was almost impossible to hide. Glancing at Liang Jingming, Wan Zi's smile grew even drier.
"Maybe if we really stay together for a long time, you'll have to sit in your car for half an hour to take deep breaths every day after get off work before you can go upstairs to face me."
"...We're just ordinary people...so let's live ordinary lives."
He had no idea what he was saying; his voice was like an embarrassed, curled-up snake. For the first time, her teasing was like sand thrown into a deep well, failing to elicit any response from him.
He simply looked down at her; his long eyelashes were still damp.
"But you just said you'd rather be single than live a life of compromise."
Is this the kind of life you want?
Wan Zi was stunned.
He couldn't utter a single word until his emotions burned through his very being.
It exploded and broke apart completely.
"no."
She finally realized that she had thought she was in the middle of a well-run gamble. However, without realizing it, the bottom line she had long adhered to had been constantly retreating. Now she only had one chip left, but two choices.
Choose him or choose yourself.
"This is not what I want."
I laughed again, and tears welled up in my eyes again.
The voice then transformed into a snake's, trembling slightly; it turns out that even cold-blooded animals fear the cold.
"But what can I do? I can't bear to part with you."
“I know we are still young, we have no shared property, no shared interests, we are not married or have children, and we haven’t been dating for very long. Even if we break up now, the sunk cost is very small… I can list countless reasons to tell myself that I should be rational and end this relationship.”
"But all the reasons don't hold up, as long as the person in front of me is you."
"As long as it's you, that's enough."
Almost simultaneously, they hugged each other.
Finally, she buried her face in Liang Jingming's arms and burst into tears, her sobs lingering around his neck.
She could hear his deep breathing too.
Long and bewildering.
As people grow older, they understand more and more that life is a cake, and love is just a frosting on top, with different partners simply being different colors. Everyone who has been through it tells her that all the colors—red, orange, green, blue, indigo, and violet—are ultimately just that—once you swallow them all.
But she'd only taken a few bites, so why did she feel—
Such a sweet thing is so bitter.
"Liang Jingming, what should we do?"
I'm asking him, and I'm not asking him anymore.
The soul, unsure of where to go, simply drifted along with his answer.
"...Go home first, calm down. Today was too hard, you can think about it slowly."
"Still together... or something else?"
"In any case, I hope this is the result you want."
Have you considered it?
After a long silence, Wan Zi remained nestled in Liang Jingming's embrace. Like swans entwined, she couldn't see his expression.
"Of course I don't want to break up."
Each sentence was more hesitant than the last, and he finally spoke after a period of silence.
"Although I... deserved my punishment."
Their bodies were pressed together, one feeling cold and the other hot.
If only time could freeze at this moment. If only life could fast-forward and erase all suffering.
"I want to ask you something before I've thought it through."
However, Wan Zi gradually regained her senses and stepped away from Liang Jingming's embrace.
“你还有什么事瞒着我吗。”
“有，不过是好事，本来想当惊喜的。”
他惨淡地笑，她后知后觉。
“……你本来是想来找我时告诉我，让我开心一点？”
“嗯。”
口中如同咬了一把青花椒，说不上辣，说不上苦，一路麻麻木木的，蠕动向喉咙深处。
万姿低声：“那以后说吧。”
“嗯，以后吧。”
虽然谁都不知道，“以后”是什么时候。
或者，还有没有以后。
执意要帮梁景明定酒店，但拗不过他执意要自己付钱。万姿站在街口，目送他离开。
和以往的分别都迥异，最后一次抱了抱，然后她看着他，一个人顺从地被暗夜吞噬。
没有回头。
同样的，直到万姿回家洗澡躺在床上，他也没有再发来短信打来电话。似乎真打定主意，给她好好考虑的时间。
然而她的考虑，不是没有前提。
梁景明不能撒过其他谎。
何况她现在，难以相信他的一面之词。
“惊喜”说得好听，也可能是包着糖衣的狗屎。
怎么也睡不着了，万姿下床唤醒电脑。挂了vpn又想了片刻，在google搜索框敲下关键字——
“礼裕发展建筑工人意外身亡”
她好像从没认真了解过，梁景明父亲的事。
意料之中，前几个页面是礼裕集团的官网及关联网站，旁边还有“广告”字样提示，显然是付费营销换来的名列前茅。
万姿随手点开一个，精致简介映入眼帘——
礼裕发展有限公司（「礼裕发展」或「集团」；香港股份代号：99001）自上世纪80年代发展至今，已成为一家具领导地位的本土地产发展集团，核心业务为物业发展和物业投资，致力建设粤港澳大湾区境内的高质量新型住宅及商业项目，并屡获殊荣。
创立以来，礼裕发展秉承“诚信经营、关爱员工、惠及社会、持续发展”的既定策略，培养多元化人才，提升核心业务发展，切实满足客户需求，长期回馈香港社会大众。
然而页面下滑，紧接着出现了“集团架构”。
一张张形象照树状排列，从最树梢的主席到最根基的独立非执行董事，每一个人都姓丁，都是西装革履精英派头，都是微笑沉稳双手抱肩的中年男人，都有这个家族略高的特色颧骨。
其中最年轻的，是她前男友丁竞诚。
她清楚他对家族生意并不在乎，只是挂个职，但毕竟是叁十五岁的上市公司执行董事。
毕竟礼裕集团致力培养多元化人才，长期回馈香港社会大众。
本想关掉了，万姿偶然间，又瞥到右上角一栏“企业社会责任”。
鼠标移过去，刹那细分成叁个小栏目，“丁裕雄慈善基金会”、“工友之家”和“礼裕金碧联合管培生计划”。
神志一凛，飞速点开——
果然，她找到了梁景明。
在“丁裕雄慈善基金会”新闻稿里，有十八岁的他，从集团主席丁裕雄手中接过纸板状的奖学金支票，是用他出类拔萃的成绩换来的。
在“工友之家”新闻稿里，有十叁岁的他，同样和丁裕雄握着一张巨大支票，是用他父亲的命换来的。
两个页面点击切换不过半秒，时间却淌过了五年。
同样是这张脸，从清秀蜕变为俊朗。始终如一的，只有锋锐又暗淡的眼神，像伏在草丛中的孤兵。沉沉望着镜头，他没什么表情，看起来有种青少年惯有的涩感和拘谨。
但万姿知道，他是在咬牙。
他明明连攥支票的手都是泛白的。
也许是形象太过吸睛，梁景明不仅出现在新闻稿中，被还被做成滚动banner。一会儿是十叁岁的他，一会儿是十八岁的他，被覆上不同底色的图层，衬着礼裕集团的醒目口号——
诚信经营关爱员工惠及社会持续发展
图层底色很深，盖住了梁景明泛白的手。
他太好用了，像一条街市最常见的抵食鲩鱼。一用刀俎宰割成块，可以清蒸也可以做啫啫煲。不同做法，任人选择。
或者干脆一鱼两吃。
心里有些坠得慌。
仿佛做了一个噩梦，惊醒却记不得任何细节，独留阴沉沉的压抑之感。长出一口气，万姿忍不住退回主页面，下滑着看其他搜索结果——
她这才恍然发现，其实她根本没有醒来，而是进入了另一个噩梦。
全是五年前的新闻，有关梁景明的父亲。“狗臂架”、“堕下”、“击毙”、“工人殒命”等字眼溅满屏幕，宛如乱坟岗里横陈的尸体。
心跳加速，依次右键点开每一条新闻，然而没等万姿一一阅读，便有自动播放的视频在耳边炸开——
“今晚18时许，沙田新城市广场附近新盖楼盘，一名工人疑于收工前不幸被松脱的狗臂架击中后脑，送医不治。截止目前，楼盘发展商礼裕集团未作回应。
据了解丧生工人姓梁（42岁），与妻子育有未成年两子，他是家庭经济支柱，意外猝逝妻子顿失依靠。本周刊记者调查发现，该名妻子竟是隐退艳星凌岚。携长子认尸时，她黑超遮面，星味犹存，但睇得出素颜浮肿，昔日‘警钟胸’更是大缩水……”
八卦小报素来耸动，视频配音激昂顿挫，画面却是混乱嘈杂的。明明话题中心是凌岚，可镜头一直对准她的身侧。
万姿第一次看清了，十叁岁的动态梁景明。
瘦削，还身着校服，低着头快走。
因为是未成年人，面部被打了薄薄马赛克，但遮不住泛红的眼睛，以及旁边的波澜起伏——
万姿突然反应过来。
记者不是在拍梁景明，是在拉特写拍他妈妈的胸。
一种反胃感顿时涌来，全部堵塞在喉咙。
紧皱着眉头捂住嘴，万姿没法再看，飞快滑动鼠标拉到最后，谁知映入眼帘的，是一连串“相关阅读”：
凌岚：索爆人妻命运坎坷曾全裸上演激情戏
【多图有片】有一种完美胸型叫“警钟胸”，看看哪些女星拥有
七大“艳星”一脱成名现况有人当阔太、有人做师奶
解密十大克夫相可用风水阵物化解法
大踢爆 | 鸡！全部都系鸡！9大女星曾沦为富豪泄欲工具！
……
每一条都从梁景明的妈妈引入。
每一条的热度都远超过她丧夫。
一鱼多吃。
一根根泡面在肠胃里蠕动，黄油蟹也随之复活，在万姿理解字句的一瞬，从食道逆流冲出。
手指随着视线颤抖，嘴再也捂不住。终于受不了了，她冲进卫生间，对着洗脸台大声干呕起来。
然而什么都没吐出，只有心跳声扑扑跃动。
像是仓皇的丧钟。
作为公关从业者，她很明白这是八卦小报，乃至大部分媒体的生存之道。情色、金钱、死亡、迷信排列组合，生产出秽物不要紧，反正世间自有嗜粪者。
她从来都对此无所谓，只要自己不吃就好了。
她从来都不觉得疼痛，只要尖刀不刺入自己，或者自己在乎的人。
直到现在。
用冷水洗了把脸，万姿看着镜中的自己。双目是赤红的，眸光凛冽如冰。
返回电脑前，她强忍着恶心，看完了所有相关新闻。
终于察觉出端倪。
基本上所有香港媒体，都报道了梁景明父亲意外身亡，但没有一家媒体，后续再出追踪报道。
仿佛什么都没发生过，一条人命陨落，一个家庭的破碎，宛若消失在晨曦里的露珠。
丁家找人花钱摆平是肯定的，但他家未必手眼通天到这般地步。每天都在跟媒体打交道，万姿非常清楚，还是有些记者编辑心怀正义，几乎无法买通。
更何况还有些媒体，本身就由丁家的竞争对手豢养，等着捉他家纰漏。
但为什么这件事，就这样被捂住了。
思忖片刻，万姿给丁家助理钟先生发去消息。
对方刚好在加班，很快回了电话，她也随便找了个借口——
“钟生是这样的，我们公司最近要做个内部培训，想找些case教小朋友……我看你们礼裕五年前有个危机公关处理得好好，方不方便告诉我找了哪家公关公司……哎，对对，就是有个工人被砸死那个……”
“哦，我们没找公关公司。”
“不可能吧？我又不是不了解你们公关部……”
笑声真切，可万姿暗自皱眉。
Having collaborated with them so many times, she truly knew Liyu Group inside and out. Their public relations department employed a bunch of idle people surnamed Ding; they were passable at issuing press releases, but when problems arose, they were practically incapable of handling the situation, always having to find an outsourcing company at the last minute.
However, since there was no conflict of interest, Mr. Zhong had no reason to lie to her.
"I really didn't look for one!"
Sure enough, Mr. Zhong laughed on the other end of the phone: "That's what you did."
"ah?"
In an instant, Wan Zi froze.
Why—no—
All rebuttals are stuck in the mouth, but cannot be plugged in the ears.
She heard clearly what Mr. Zhong said—
"Don't you remember? You resolved this matter five years ago."

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"Get on Her Boat" - Chapter 119: As long as it's you, that's enough.

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